Sunrise
by BlueSea14
Summary: Twilight in Edward's point of view. Completed June 2010
1. Decision

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own Twilight. **

**REVISED: 8/9/07**

**A/N – This is Edward's story of Twilight, told including Stephenie Meyer's first chapter of Midnight Sun. Go to her site to read it there: I am continuing this story from after that onward, so this essentially starts at Chapter Two, because I am taking my story where her first chapter of Midnight Sun ended. **

* * *

_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Two: Decision**

Outside the car windows, lush green trees flashed by at incredible speeds: I fought back and forth in my mind with the monster as I sat in the car, driving as fast as I dared. I remembered the scent, the rich, sweet aroma of her blood, her thin, pale skin, her throat –

No. I would not - could not – be that monster again. I could not disappoint my father, not after how much we've been through. I would not take a human life. The monster inside of me roared, and I felt another stab of hatred toward this Isabella whom could destroy everything I have worked toward in these past hundred years.

My car was going a hundred miles an hour at the very least. I came up to a turn, an insignificant crossing of two roads. Two very deadly roads…one side could lead me to loop around and head towards the human girl's house. The other side would lead me straight to the hospital.

Head racing, I struggled against the impulse to turn the steering wheel the other way. The monster inside of me snarled in fury as I pushed past the turn, speeding up to escape the temptation of turning around toward Chief Swan's house.

My mind was in turmoil from resisting so strongly. Even without Isabella Swan's scent permeating the car, even with fresh air all around me, the scent lingered possessively on me. It rested in my nose, in my throat, as if I was to track her at the nearest opportunity.

The little humanity I had left shuddered from the idea: the monster purred in pleasure at the thought.

Within moments, I was at the hospital. Turning the key so my car was off, I leaned my head back against the seat, taking deep breaths again. The rainy, muggy scent of Forks poured through the window, scrubbing at the scent lodged in my mind. Still, the memory remained intact.

I was still too close to her: I had to go further away. Alice's vision came to mind: no wonder she saw me going there. I had to leave Forks to escape the temptation.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, pausing to grapple myself under control. The hate I felt against the creature to come to Forks was stronger now that I knew I would be leaving. I loved our life here, in this small town that seemed almost like a real home.

Yet, if I stayed I would be putting the girl in danger, and I could not do that. I would not take a human life again; I had promised myself this after my adolescent bout of rebellion. I quite simply could not kill again without destroying myself ever more.

If I was to keep my promise to myself and maintain Carlisle's faith in me, I must leave. The logic didn't erase my wish to stay here, born of more than one reason.

As I got out of my car, I mused over the fact that she could not stay in this town forever. After all, she was human; she would eventually die. And we were immortal, and could come back to this town after all who would remember us were gone. This thought helped to strengthen my resolve, my solidity of mind that I must leave to keep myself from turning into that red-eyed monster of my past.

Knowing where Carlisle's office was, I managed to skirt around potential problem humans with ease. Whenever we visited Carlisle here, many of the staff lusted after us. Most of the time, our physical appearances were an annoying inconvenience – except when we wanted something. Mrs. Cope came to mind.

Thankfully, he was in his office when I got there. If I was forced to stay in this hospital for too long, I was bound to attack the blood bank located a few floors below us. Maybe even a few of the other humans in my thirst…I had to stop think about that: it made my resolve harder to follow.

Slipping into the room without a sound, I announced myself by accident as the door closed a bit too hard. Carlisle was sitting at his desk, looking over a folder – _a broken femur. _He looked up, startled to hear the sound of my entrance. _Edward? What are you doing here? _

"I'm leaving." I blurted, unwilling to make myself stay in this enclosed hospital with so many blood-filled humans for too long. Resisting Isabella had been overwhelming compared to these humans, but my exposure to her made their scents extra sharp now that she was not here. I had to say my words, and leave quickly.

_What? Not another rebellious stage, please…_Carlisle blinked at me in surprise, thoughts flying a mile a minute. I caught a glimpse of myself as I had appeared to him after the first - and only - time I had left to hunt humans. The haunted look in my still-burgundy eyes had never truly left, even now that they were back to gold.

I couldn't allow him to think that I was going to be doing this because I wanted human blood again. The point of my leaving was to avoid such an occurrence. "No, no rebellious stages," I answered bluntly, fidgeting by the door. I was anxious to leave; the monster within was growing more impatient to go after this Bella the longer I stayed in this town. "I'm going up to Denali."

Carlisle stood and took in everything about me. _Denali? When? Why is he here telling me now? Is something wrong with being in Forks? _

I answered, "Yes, Denali. I'm going to be up there as soon as I can: I want to leave now, is possible. I simply came to tell you before I left: I'm sorry I didn't make it home. Esme doesn't know yet, unless Alice told them all…" I was careful with answering only a few particular questions my father had asked, but it was hard to concentrate. I had begun babbling uneasily.

Carlisle frowned. "You didn't answer the last question."_ That means there is something wrong here. I thought Edward loved Forks the last time we came through. Why is he so nervous? I've never seen him lose control like this._

I was tightly wound, muscles coiled to spring although I wasn't crouched – yet. I knew my eyes had to be black pools by now, and the monster within me was snapping and growling, desperate to hunt down the human girl. Carlisle could see my tenseness, see it in the way I held myself and was glancing around the room rapidly, even though I'd seen everything before.

Any human to come by right now would be in danger. I couldn't wait any longer. "I have to leave," I answered, avoiding his eyes. "I came to ask if I could borrow your car; my tank is nearly empty, yours is full."

_Should I give this to Doctor Cullen? _My eyes flashed to the door, tense and wary. _No, I forgot, the nurses needed this copy – I have to pick up the Doctor's there. _My tensed shoulders relaxed as a beating heart passed by the door.

Carlisle took a split second to worry about what had happened, before he nodded curtly, tossed me the keys, and thought, _I'll tell Esme where you have gone, if Alice hasn't already. Please, return if you can, Edward. We do want you here. _

I replied as I moved to the door. "They probably already have, and even if you wanted me here, I can't stay. Not now." I was running down the hallways as fast as I could go before he could call me back.

Within mere minutes, I was behind the wheel of Carlisle's Mercedes S55 AMG, speeding toward Denali, Alaska and away from the tortuous effect that Bella Swan had upon me.

* * *

Sitting atop a high mountain, stargazing, made me feel more at peace then I had for days. The sky looked so brilliant from where I lay - vampire eyes could define every ray of light that reached earth, creating a kaleidoscope of sharp color that was truly magnificent.

The stars in the sky were the same ones my family could see - although they would only see these stars in Forks on a clear night. Taking in another deep breath, I felt nothing but crisp, clean air in my lungs. Devoid of human scent and scattered with that of various animals.

It was as close to a paradise as I would ever reach. Yet despite the peace, I was unhappy. It hadn't been that long since I'd been in Forks, been with my family. Forks was closer to a real 'home' than any other place we had stayed. I was homesick for my family, for everyone I knew. The Denali clan just wasn't the same as my family.

Up here, the possibility that Bella's scent was so strong was laughable, outrageous. It was impossible to comprehend that such a tiny, weak human could force me out of the place I felt of as my true home. My family was there right now, and I should be with them.

I felt another surge of guilt from not saying goodbye properly. I hadn't even spoken to Esme, and probably by Alice's insistence, now one had called yet to check on me. I took another long breath, filling my lungs to their maximum, before releasing the air I had captured.

I had only been here for two days. The clear air seemed to help against some nonexistent problem. I was sure I could even go back if I had handled getting away so well. Would it really be as hard to resist her now that I had a clear head?

Going back home…the thought I had entertained seemed plausible, fulfilling somehow. I could go back to that tiny little town and live my nonexistent life out there for as long as we could. I could go back to my family.

In fact, I would go back. The scent of her, of Isabella, could not possibly be as strong as I had first thought it. I had been thirsty, after all – two weeks without a meal. Besides which, she was a human. She meant nothing to me, or anyone in my family. Why should she keep me away?

My decision set, I sprung up. I would head back tonight. Right now, as a matter of fact. I didn't want to wait any longer than necessary.

I exchanged a quick goodbye and thanks to the Denali clan as whole. I had not told them why I had come here, and though they were sad to see me go, they were happy too. They knew I belonged with my family.

I started driving back down to Forks, knowing that Alice would see me coming before I reached the border of Alaska. The night flashed by as speedily as it had when I had driven up here. The windows rolled down, I gazed out at the landscape as it passed by in a blur, simply thinking.

I had lived so long in this life that it was no longer new. The same routine in every town, the same knowledge taught so often to all the new children and now burned into my memory, and the changes around us, the unchanging. It was nothing different than before, for we had seen it all before; human greed, human habits, and human reactions all melded together. Rarely was there anyone different.

Except for Isabella…I groaned as my thoughts turned, once again, to the human. The human girl who'd made me believe that I had to go. Now that I thought it out, I realized my hatred toward her was unjustified. Of course, I knew it when I was there, but I had unconsciously enforced it to keep myself from attacking her. That logic made sense at the time.

She was different…the mystery of her mind came up. What was different about her? What made her unlike all the other students, the humans who followed the same predictable path of monotony? And why was it that her scent was strong to me, much stronger than any other scent I'd ever caught?

Now that I thought it over, I supposed that her scent might have seemed magnified by the hunger. After all, I hadn't fed in two weeks when I had encountered her. Maybe that was why she seemed to have an incredibly strong scent - but something made me doubt that.

Theories and thoughts raced through my head, but it always circled back to the injustice of it all: why had she come to Forks? What made her decide to live in that inconsequential town? And why now, of all the years to chose from? My mind worked in endless circles.

I took another deep breath. My thoughts had carried me through my trip, and I was nearing the entrance to the town. I caught a whiff of some human, and it reminded me that I hadn't gone hunting yet. I needed to feed. I could return home after I hunted. Alice would have caught my plans in a vision by now.

Turning, I headed back to the outer edges of the town and toward a portion of the forest that I had deemed a small sanctuary for myself. Leaving the car parked at the beginning of a trail, hidden a bit more than usual in case of any hikers, I took off running.

Speeding through the trees was always exhilarating; I could dodge the trees with ease, leap over roots and leaves, and the whole time, not feel as though my lungs were about to burst with over-exertion. I grinned to myself. I loved speed.

I burst through the trees into a small clearing. The trees ringed this circular clearing, the grass was springy and light, and the water in the stream running by would lead past our home further up its path. I had found this clearing by following that stream.

Flopping onto the grass, I relaxed for a few moments in my meadow. I loved it here; when it was sunny and bright in this town, I would come here for at least a few hours during the day. It was especially beautiful in the sunlight. I was here now, just to give myself a little more time alone before I returned home, to my family's questioning.

It was cloudy and rainy today. I sighed as I got up, preparing myself to hunt. I closed my eyes for an instant, savoring the last feelings of absolute control I had. Then slowly, I eased back. My instincts came forward, in turn urging my body on. My eyes snapped open and I darted out among the trees, my senses alert and sharp.

I headed uphill through the forest, sensing my target moving serenely in front of me. A wolf, sauntering through his land: a predator, like I was. But I was in a completely different league than a mere wolf.

It could sense me coming, aware of a vampire approaching as every creature is – even humans were wary, though they didn't know why. Animals were still in touch enough with their primal senses to know why they were afraid of us. Humans and animals shied away instinctively.

Overtaking it, I was drinking thirstily from the creature before it could cry out. The monster inside of me growled, roared, as the filling blood poured down my throat, momentarily quenching the thirst, although it wouldn't be for long. It would take four wolves to fill me, and there weren't many in this forest.

I destroyed the body of the dried wolf, giving myself a quick glance to make sure the blood hadn't gotten on me; a habit, as I hadn't spilled the blood of my victims since the first few times of hunting. Every drop spilled was wasted when not consumed; vampires quickly harnessed the ability to keep ourselves from making too much of a mess during feeding out of the lust for blood that sustained us.

I hunted quickly, my mind occupied with plans. I would go back to my family, go back to the school, and…what? What to do about the human girl…I could ignore her. But then she might seek out the reason for my introverted ways. I could talk to her; like Alice had said, knowing about the human as a person, living and breathing and with life, could help instigate the mind against killing them.

That could work, I decided as I ran back to the car after drinking enough for right then. I would talk to her in - what class was it? Biology - I would talk to her in the Biology class we shared. Maybe then I would be able to unravel some of her mind, as well, I mused. Being unable to hear her thoughts was very perplexing.

I had to give a small smile as the car drove up the path to our home and I parked; I could hear Alice's thoughts from the car. _Edward, you're back! I knew you wouldn't be gone for long! _

She was the first out the door, the worry on her face from the last time I'd seen her cleared away in her happiness for our family to be whole again. I gave her a tight, tense grin, but she knew I was happy to see her anyways.

I couldn't catch Bella's scent at our home, but it was probable that going anywhere nearer to town, I would catch her scent. I dreaded what might occur if I lost control around her, and tried to remind myself that I had just hunted. I should be able to control myself better now.

_Esme's not happy with you, by the way,_ Jasper warned me as he walked up behind Alice. Standing by the front door, I had uncertainly half-returned Alice's welcoming hug, genuinely happy to be back as well. I gave Jasper a handshake, knowing that he wasn't as completely attached to the family as the rest of us were. And I didn't like hugging anyone, period. Even spunky Alice.

I nodded to Jasper. I had expected as much. I followed Alice back into the house as he came after us. Alice gave me a grin and thought, _I only told Jasper you were coming back when I got the vision yesterday. I thought it would be a nice surprise for the others. _

I sighed, my face staying straight naturally instead of curving into a grin as I felt like it should. I had never been one for expressing emotions, other than the irrevocable ability of Jasper's to sense them; I wasn't a laughing, open 'person', as my family knew.

Instead, I was the recluse, the detached one. Even Jasper was sometimes surprised at how dispassionate I could be – or rather, made myself be. I answered Alice, "You know, I wish you would have simply told them I was coming back."

She laughed. "But it's fun to have a little secret every now and then, especially when you're not around!"_ I think this just might be the first time I knew something that no one else except Jasper knew! I really liked it – but I'm happier that you're home. We missed you._

I didn't have the opportunity to respond, as when Jasper had closed the door, I heard the thoughts of my family, upstairs in their respective rooms.

_Edward? He's back?_ My voice had carried right upstairs.

The four members of my family not present downstairs thought the same thing simultaneously. My ears caught the silent noise of the four rushing down the stairs: I was prepared as Esme plunged straight towards me.

My mother – in every sense that truly mattered – would have had tears of joy in her eyes, could we cry. I awkwardly tried to return her hug, holding her close with one arm while the other dangled awkwardly by my side; I really wasn't much of a hugging person.

Her thoughts zipped by rapidly, but I felt a pang of sadness as she relieved her worry, fear, and concern for me. "Really, Esme, I'm fine." I told her as the hug stretched on and I began to feel a twinge of annoyance that she wasn't letting go. She finally released her hold and glared at me, her hands gripping my forearms.

"Why did you leave without saying goodbye, or I'll be back later, or…or anything!"_ I was worried sick about you! About what could have happened to you!_ I winced. Now she was mad - visions of Volturi or other vampires finding me and tearing me to shreds ripped through her mind.

I released myself smoothly from her grasp as I replied, "I had to go." My eyes flickered over to Alice. "Didn't you tell them the vision?" A current of unease spread through me before Jasper took it away; I didn't want to explain everything, and if she had told them the vision, then it would be a bit easier to clarify.

Rosalie sniffed haughtily. "Edward, she told us a vision about you killing some human. No specifics or anything." _She said it was your duty to tell us. And after he heard that, Carlisle wouldn't say anything, either. But I don't think he knew much of anything about this specific Edward moment…_

I groaned and rolled my eyes in annoyance. Now everything would have to be explained. Emmett shifted from foot to foot. "Why did you leave, Edward? Would you have killed this…person if you'd stayed? In fact," he eyed me carefully. "Who was it you were going to kill?"_ I never would have thought Edward would kill anyone, or be urged to so strongly. He has so much control - nearly Carlisle control. And after his 'leaving Carlisle' experience…_

I grimaced at that particular memory, crossing my arms and glaring at the ground at Emmett's thoughts – and what I had to tell them. "The new student…"

Emmett's eyes widened. "The Swan girl? Isabelle, was it?" _You were talking about her at lunch; did she guess something? Should we have done something about her while you were away? _

I kept my eyes down. "Isabella," I corrected automatically. "And no, she did not guess anything about our family." I tightened my mouth, feeling my anger bubble underneath the surface. No, she hadn't guessed – she'd just nearly been shown first-hand what we were.

I couldn't talk about this right now; being here, hearing their minds again, was making me recount my memories of what happened that day. "I will tell you more later. Right now, I can't." I kept my tone calm with force.

I looked up, enclosing myself again although Jasper could feel what I felt._ Confusion, anger, and worry – all about the Swan girl. Edward, whatever's wrong, you know that you'll need to talk about it sooner or later, preferably sooner. Can't we at least know if she's a possible problem?_

Rosalie's nostrils flared and she interrupted me before I could answer Jasper. "Why? If this human," she sneered, " is a danger, why will you not tell us anything?" _Should we take care of her, Edward? I'm not letting my life be destroyed. _

I glared at her: the protective feeling I'd had of this Isabella when Jessica's poisonous thoughts had targeted her rose again, this time at the thought of her being a danger - or _in_ danger. It also didn't help that Rosalie's thought about 'her life' was self-centered – again, as always.

"She doesn't pose any threat to the family. I just need to figure something out. I might tell you, later." I bit out, knowing my eyes were steadily growing darker even though I had just fed that day.

Without waiting, I dashed as fast as I could past them, was in my room before they truly comprehended what was happening. I heard their confused thoughts, their worry, behind me, but I felt…at best, I suppose it could be said that I felt completely, utterly bemused.

* * *

Two days after I had come home, and I had still not left my room. I paced along the floor, going through thoughts like wildfire – they were stuck in a vicious cycle. I knew that my actions bothered my family, for they did not know what was wrong. But I could not talk about what was troubling me aloud. It just wasn't _me_.

I was in my room, but I did not turn on the music. Pacing carefully across the floor, I tried to sort out my feelings, my frustrations. First in my mind at the moment, most recent, was the protective impulse I'd had when Rosalie was unintentionally provoking me.

It made no sense for me to feel this way about an unimportant human girl. Then again, it might be because of the scent attraction; if I was determined not to hurt her by drinking that sweet blood, then maybe the protectiveness was melding into the desire not to hurt her.

Yes, I rationalized, that could be it. If I were so determined not to hurt her myself, then why would I want anything else to hurt her either? Yet the confusion was still there; had I not felt protective of this Bella before I caught her scent? But that was because she seemed weaker than her peers. Yes, and that would also help enforce the protectiveness I felt now. And yet, doubts lingered that had no name.

One matter pushed was pushed away, but many more were still waiting; for instance, her blood itself. What was the problem with me? For it could not be her, not possibly: she was simply a human girl. Why would she be different? It must have been my hunger that day, after not feeding. She had walked into an air vent…

I knew this couldn't be true. There was no point in fooling myself: her blood was magnificent, amazing. The scent…one again, I felt the hunger well up at the mere thought of it. Something about her was certainly different. I had never imagined a scent could be so wonderful as hers. It still lingered in my mind…

There was also _her_ mind to contend with. The impenetrable mind of this human girl was strange, alien, to me. I had never encountered this before; there had never been a mind I could not hear. To have nothing in front of me from this human was too new, too different.

…_wonder what he'll think about this. Imagine, us on a peace mission to the great reclusive Edward. He'll probably kick us out…_

…_wish Emmett would relax a bit. Edward, since you can hear me, we're just wondering what's wrong. Something is wrong, don't deny it, I can feel a multitude of emotions coming off of you; confusion, disgust, fear, and frustration, to name a few…_

I paced even as Emmett and Jasper entered my room and took seats on my couch. My mind kept going; how could I not read her mind? What made her different? Did her scent have something to do with it? What made me so eager to protect her from…well, anything?

Recalling the scent again, the pang of now-familiar hunger raced through me; every time I thought of the scent, remembered the tang of her blood, my mouth grew parched at it. Merely the thought of her blood made me thirsty! How was this possible? I had to admit it now: I needed help.

Help was here and I took the first shot at it that was easily accessible. I finally acknowledged the presence of my brothers, although I kept pacing as I had for the past two days straight. "Have you ever smelled blood incredibly sweet before?" I suddenly asked.

I caught them by surprise. No one knew why I was bothered, and now I was starting to talk, and ask for assistance in my problems. It was practically unheard of for me to ask for help. I knew everyone could hear – vampire hearing – but I didn't care. It was bothering me, and I needed to know if someone I could relate to had ever faced this before.

Jasper was confused by my question, as was Emmett. I clarified it, unwilling to look at either of them as I kept pacing. "Have you ever caught a blood scent that was so…strong, like it was unparalleled? A scent…" I frowned, trying to voice my thoughts aloud.

"A scent that is stronger than any you have ever smelled before, so strong that any other seems weak compared to it. Even if it were open and bleeding out in front of you, the strong scent of that particular blood…called you, stronger than flowing blood?" That seemed like the best way to describe it, even though I had to wonder if it would actually be true.

Open wounds were hard to resist, and the scent of her blood was so strong, I doubted non-congealing blood on an open wound would be as appealing as hers. I stopped pacing as I voiced this and stood still in front of them, watching intently.

Jasper spoke first, almost as soon as I'd finished talking. "No, I don't think I've ever caught the scent of anything that irresistible." He met my eyes. _So is that the reason behind the pangs thirst you kept going through, when you were thinking up here for the past two days? _I simply nodded to him, and he sighed as he got up.

"Well, I can't help you Edward, and you know that better than I do. I'm going to go calm down Esme, but you can probably tell she's starting to panic about whatever she's thinking about." He left silently after that. _I do hope that you'll be able to keep yourself from hurting this girl..._ Oddly enough, that was what Esme was worrying about.

I turned back to Emmett, who was thinking so fast it was hard to keep track of. I simply faded the sound to a buzz and waited for him to speak. He met my eyes with a look of sad acceptance, as though he knew what I had felt and what would be happening. "Well, I've smelled blood that's incredibly strong before, too," he started slowly. "It's that sweet, yet bitter, scent that is nearly impossible to resist."

I nodded tightly, waiting for the answer I knew he was reaching but not wanting it to be true. "Well, that has happened twice with me. When I was less experienced, and not in control as well as I've gotten to be." My chest felt tightly constricted.

I met his eyes, wanting desperately for it not to be true. The 'voices' of my family were listening in the same horror; Emmett had only killed two humans in his time as a vampire, an incredible feat in my opinion, compared to my track record.

But the matching numbers were ominous, and we all knew that I _never_ wanted to take another human life.

His eyes held the sad truth and he let out a half laugh. "Well, it wasn't resistible. If the scent is that strong to you, then I'm sorry Edward, but it's not easy to fight. You might not be able to for long."_ You've already made it so much further than I - only a few minutes I was able to hold out, then bam! We're moving again._

Emmett was warning me that it was not possible, but it had to be possible, or even probable, that I could resist the draw of her blood. I could not kill another human, especially not her. What?

Why especially not her? That feeling, that strange, foreign emotion, had welled up in me again. I shoved it away, frustrated, as I thought of her scent again. The thirst masked everything else.

I felt the pain twist inside me, show on my face. I grimaced and resumed pacing for a few steps, trying to block the family's voices. They were all worried about me, wondering if I would be all right.

I couldn't explain the nauseous feeling that twisted in my stomach at the thought of killing Bella; it was stronger than the sickening feeling that overtook me at the thought of killing any human in general.

I muttered, "Thank you, Emmett," as I stopped pacing. Running a hand through my hair distractedly, I mumbled to myself, "I have to go hunting."

Emmett frowned at me. "Why? I know you went three days ago, your eyes are lighter."_ Do you want me to come?_

I smiled thinly. "Well, I'm still hungry and if I'm not going to eat the Swan girl in Biology on Monday, then I should get something to eat." In response to his raised eyebrows, I tightened my jaw and said, "Precautions…and yes, I would like you to come."

He nodded and directed to me mentally, _I_ _do_ _hope you succeed where I failed. I can't imagine how hard it was to resist for the whole class…God you have control…_

I twisted one side of my mouth up wryly. "So do I." I wasn't about to admit how painful it really had been for me, however, or else everyone else would hear the words: after that, I could only imagine what they'd think and worry about.

Emmett snorted and whacked my shoulder with his fist as we walked out of my room. "Ha, ha, Edward."_ Let's run, Eddie! _I growled at his use of my least favorite nickname, and he smiled, running ahead so I had to chase him in order to get my revenge. In the form of a wrestling match, of course.

I was relieved to leave all the worried thoughts of my family behind as we headed off to hunt. They thought I would strain myself, trying not to kill Bella. I nearly laughed aloud, confidence sweeping me up in a sudden shock of hope.

I would control my instincts around her. I would not, could not, become a monster, any more than I already was. Taking her life would surely be a monstrous act. I refused to be a monster – and in that decision, I was assured that I could control myself.

Yet the sweet scent, remembered almost distantly, somehow called to me even now as I hunted with Emmett in the forest.

* * *

**A/N- I hope that I have captured, basically, the essence of Edward for you to read. I like to think that I have a good understanding of his mind, though not being Stephenie Meyer, who am I to know? **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Open Book

**REVISED: 8/18/07**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. I also do not own "Miranda" by Fleetwood Mac – the lyrics at the beginning of this chapter (right after the thoughts and on the stereo) are from their song. **

**A/N – Thanks to Just A Little Bit Dramatic for reading over these chapters for me – the 'Revised' ones (this and the last included) are redone by me and edited by her:) **

* * *

_**Sunrise** _

**Chapter Three: Open Book**

_Where is he? How is he going to do this? If it's such a strong…I hope he can control himself, unlike me. It would just kill him if he drank from another human…_

_Is he going to avoid her today? I don't think I would be able to control myself if the scent was as strong as he and Emmett say. He's throwing out nervous vibes…_

_I am going to go pull him down here if he makes me wait any longer! I should just take my own car, and then I could arrive to school in style; then again, it's an unimportant high school…_

_No more visions of this girl's death. Hmm, this girl is awkward, however; that's going to be an embarrassing stumble, dropping her books. Why can't I find the scene right before that, though? Maybe it's undetermined while her stumble is…_

"…Miranda is taking the stars down…a little something to call her own…but the lion still rules Miranda…and Miranda is always alone…Miranda is always…"

I rolled my eyes in annoyance as I grabbed my school bag and flicked a switch on my sound system, shutting it off. Their thoughts were so typical of _themselves_. Rosalie's in particular; only concerned with herself, not even considering the fact of how hard it could be to not hurt this Isabella. Bella.

I was out the door in seconds, heading to the car where all of them sat, waiting patiently – or rather, impatiently. My car was my favorite right at the moment: silver Volvo, the S60 R. I gave it a passing once-over: there was no time to check the engine today before we headed off to school. My siblings were growing impatient.

I was in the driver's seat and starting the car smoothly before they could start complaining. I always drove my car; my siblings often thought that I was obsessive about driving. I did not like to sit in the passenger seat; I had to drive the car, or run.

My mind wasn't all there on the way to school. It kept drifting to how I would be struggling to deal with Bella's scent. I parked within minutes of leaving the house, having not added a single word to the conversation the whole time.

_It's going to snow before lunch. Snowball fight: and Emmett's going to win. _Alice directed to me as she caught a glimpse of the weather. "Wonderful." I grinned sarcastically – Emmett winning at a snowball fight…he'd brag for weeks. Nevertheless, I was eager to enjoy the snow, too.

It was only when my siblings shot simultaneous stares of confusion at me that I realized she hadn't spoken aloud.

"Wonderful? What's wonderful? Who thought something to you?"_ Why am I left out of the loop?_ Emmett asked as the five of us walked up the path together. We almost always spoke rapidly amongst ourselves, as there were humans nearby almost constantly at school.

Alice grinned. "It's going to snow before lunch," she announced happily. _Ooh, I have to make a snow angel! _

Our family traded smiles before we set our faces back into our neutral expressions for normal days: if we were too happy, it would seem very odd and attract attention from the humans. That was one thing we didn't want.

We loved the snow; that was why we were happy. Snow was one of the few things we could feel colder than our own bodies. It was just barely freezing to us, but we relished in feeling anything that was cold. Our body temperatures usually prevented us from feeling anything cold.

I made it through my classes that morning without getting too close to any of the humans. I had to preserve my willpower to hold against Bella when I saw her in Biology, if her scent was as tantalizing, as strong, as I'd thought it to be.

Maybe I was imagining it; maybe it was because of my thirst that day. But in my non-beating heart, I knew that her scent was as attractive to me as I had known it to be last week. No rationalizing could save me from that certainty.

And was it really only a week ago? Only a week since that enticing scent had nearly overwhelmed me, forced me to leap out of my seat and attack her, sink my teeth into her soft, pale throat, to drink her warm, luscious…

_Edward, Edward! Concentrate; don't start thinking about her like that again!_ Alice's warning snapped me out of my dark thoughts. I shook my head, eyes landing on her. All five of us were outside, meeting in the now-falling snow before lunchtime.

We were a little ways away from the humans, and now my family was watching me as Alice shook my shoulders to break me out of my thirst-driven imaginings. _Edward, please! Don't let yourself think about her like that – it makes it so much harder to control yourself!_

After Emmett's, Jaspers, and my conversation, Alice understood that her blood was incredibly sweet. But the week before, they had watched Bella carefully and seen nothing unusual about her; to them, her scent was normal from afar, although she didn't know if it could be stronger from up close.

I blinked at her as my thoughts snapped away from her blood and focused on my family. I could hear worry in their minds, Rosalie's especially. Not for me, of course, but for the family if I killed Bella and our vampire status were discovered.

_Edward, I know you can do it._ Alice patted my shoulder. I gave her a warning look, telling her to back away from me. The touching had to stop, and stop now._ Stop being so sensitive, Edward, please: it's not that horrible for me to pat your shoulder. It's just a little touch. _

"Okay you two, whatever mental conversation you're carrying on, I'd really like to get this snowball fight underway." Emmett rubbed his hands together in a slightly foreboding manner. _I am so going to win this one! Watch out Edward, here I come!_

Rosalie and Alice backed away from the three of us boys: Emmett grinned in anticipation, Jasper crouched low, and I listened for any human minds. None were near enough to see us, so I gave a silent 'all clear' to start out match – silent to humans, that is.

We were in the midst of our vampire-speed battle when I overhead Jessica's venomous thoughts toward Bella again. Splitting my attention was hard, but I caught the gist of it; Bella hated snow. In Jessica's mind, it became a long contemplation of how it would affect her popularity to hang out with Bella because of that.

I wondered why she hated snow – did she prefer the heat of Phoenix, where she came from? I asked myself why I was bothering to listen in on her friend as they walked on the school paths not a hundred feet from us: I couldn't come up with an answer. And then I had to dodge out of one of Emmett's snowballs. It flew out of my mind as an unimportant fact.

Minutes later, Emmett walked away victorious. My brothers and I laughed in the euphoria of our mini-battle as we walked. My heart wasn't quite into fighting viciously with frozen water at the time, but I put up my front anyway. As we joined Rosalie and Alice in the cafeteria, I even made myself join in the laughter – not without some effort, but it became slightly natural as I let it out.

Rosalie smirked at us as we sat down: Emmett and Jasper across from their wives, and me beside Emmett, at the end of our table furthest away from where Bella would sit with her friends. I refused to let my eyes to look toward where I knew Bella to be sitting – courtesy of Jessica's blabbering mind. I focused on my family.

"So who won the snow fight, boys?" Rosalie asked. _Emmett obviously won, he'd be sulking otherwise – but I'll give him the opportunity to brag._ I nearly rolled my eyes at her thoughts. She certainly knew her husband.

Emmett grinned proudly. "I did, of course!" _I wonder if Jasper will be interested in a rematch. _That was typical Emmett, of course: always ready for the next competition.

"Mm-hm," Rosalie teased her husband. _He's too easy to taunt. It's funny to see that look on his face…_

Alice snorted, trying to contain her laughter as the vision flashed through her mind. Being the mind reader, I saw what she saw; Emmett shaking snow out of his hair at Rosalie and Alice, here at the table.

I scooted over infinitesimally, having no desire to get hit by water droplets from Emmett shaking his head like a dog. It happened soon, and I had to laugh with my family, as caught up in the moment as I was. It was when we calmed, though, that I heard it.

_Figures, Bella is staring at Edward Cullen. The new girl has a crush – it's too bad she hasn't learned already that they're practically off-limits…_

I recognized the tone of voice immediately, of course: Jessica Stanley, again. My eyes flashed over to their table, not looking at the one whose thoughts I'd heard. I knew who I really wanted to hear thinking. My eyes met hers, a surprisingly deep brown, dark and wide.

The second I met her eyes she looked down, an inviting warm red staining her cheeks. I couldn't hear her thoughts; it was incredibly frustrating not to hear her thinking. What was going through her mind?

_Edward? Is something wrong? _I heard Alice but I focused all my attention on Bella. I attempted to block out all voices while at the same time, listening intently in her area. But all I could hear were Jessica's jealous thoughts, petty and trite in their complaints.

I heard her speak aloud. "Edward Cullen is staring at you." My family tensed around me, looking at me in turn. _Edward, what's going through her head that has you so focused on her?_ I shook my head at Alice, my eyes intent on Bella. I felt a frown appearing on my face, almost unnoticed until I registered it in my sibling's minds.

Bella's quiet voice sounded clearly in my ears. "He doesn't look angry, does he?" I was confused. Why would I be angry with her? Remembering my feelings that Monday, I became more puzzled. Had she been so perceptive as to see that I was furious about her presence in the room?

_Why would you be angry with her?_ Emmett asked me. I flapped a hand at him, focusing harder on Bella, trying to figure out what she would say next. He snorted in disbelief and stared at me, the image of myself in his mind looking increasingly frustrated.

_Why would he be angry with her? She's not worth his attention! I've tried to get it since he moved here, and now he's blatantly staring at her!_ Jessica's mind was venom equal to my own before she asked in a fake confused manner, "No. Should he be?"

Bella's sad, confused tone had a new element of embarrassment to it. "I don't think he likes me," she said quietly. Her head went down to rest on top of her arm, and then I noticed she only had a bottle in front of her. She should be eating; humans needed more energy consumed in intervals than we did.

Her bewilderment at my anger towards her was adding to my own confusion. Was she confused at the antagonistic glaring from last week? Or was it another human crush, directed towards the hunters that our prey regularly had on us because of our physical appearances? I tapped my fingers on the table distractedly, trying to puzzle it out.

"The Cullens don't like anybody…well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you." _I can't believe he's paying attention to her. I've tried and tried to get it! Well, you probably don't have a chance either, Bella. You're still new here._ Her thoughts were increasingly vicious towards Bella, and I felt a thread of fear for Bella, if she thought Jessica was a true, loyal friend.

"Stop looking at him." Bella's hiss of anger was surprising. That tenor she used seemed almost as if she was being protective of me…or more likely furious at her friend. Her head tilted towards Jessica, as if in warning, before settling upon her arms again.

Finally, I ripped my eyes away from her and traced out patterns on the tabletop thoughtfully. My siblings were watching me, confused about the happenings that were occurring. I tapped the table twice before I muttered, "Confusing…"

I was referring to Bella's blank mind, but Emmett took my word and began hounding me for information, thoughts virtually out loud when he spoke. "You got that right. This is confusing; what just happened? Why would you hate her? Did you do something? Did she? Why –."

I snapped my jaw tightly – angrily. Of course I would answer their questions, but not at this exact moment. I needed to be sure of her mind's closure to me, and that meant trying at least one more time before telling them what I knew. And what I knew was that I didn't know…

"Emmett, stop." I growled, low and fast so no one could hear. "I'm still trying to figure it out myself. Wait until later, please." I was increasingly frustrated, trying to hear from that one spot in the cafeteria that no thoughts emanated from.

He backed off with a "Sorry, Edward. Didn't mean to get you mad."_ He hasn't snapped like that for a while. What's got his anger management problems back again?_ I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes and trying to concentrate. What was so different about her? What made her unique?

"No, it's fine. I'm just frustrated right now. I shouldn't be taking my anger out on you." I opened my eyes slowly as I decided to stop trying to break into her mind, at least for the moment. It wasn't helping my temper in the slightest.

They let it go although they had no idea how I could be so frustrated over a human. They thought there wasn't anything special about her besides the scent. And how I wished that she were like every other human being right now, that her blood had no special significance to me, that her seemingly blank mind did not intrigue me…

Eventually, we decided it was time to head to class. Due to Alice's forewarning, our family already knew that the snow would be melting before we got out the door. Emmett was grumpy about his lost chance at a snow fight rematch, but brightened when reassured that there would be more snow tomorrow.

I headed to my Biology class at a pace slow for even humans. I made sure that she was already in there, sitting down. If Bella passed in front of the air vent again, it would just be harder to resist her scent.

Taking the walkway to the building for Biology, I was startled to find myself unconsciously tracking her path. Her scent lingered on the still air: I could smell her before stepping foot in the classroom. It would do no good to veer off the constructed path when her scent was lodged in my mind now – I stayed straight on the path to class, feeling worse by the second. A monster, stalking my prey.

Inside the brightly lit room, my eyes were riveted on her form, seeming nonchalantly slumped across the table. Her notebook was under her hand, which held a pencil as she drew aimlessly over the cover. Her hair swept to the side effortlessly, her throat was exposed to my eyes the second I walked in the door.

Immediately, her scent drowned out all the others in the room – even though it wasn't hitting me directly. My throat grew dry, my thirst inflaming dangerously. It wasn't quite as overpowering as it had been on the last Monday. This time, I stayed in complete control of myself as I walked smoothly to my seat beside her.

However, I couldn't help but trail my eyes along the curve of her neck, as graceful of a line as any. My mind was not just suppressing my instincts right now: a strange feeling crept in my stomach along with the hunger, something distant I simply could not name. Her heartbeat quickened as I sat down beside her, although she gave no outward sign of noticing my presence.

I allowed myself a moment to make certain I was in complete control. The first part of my plan to treat her as any other human was to talk – to converse with the human girl. If I could know some few things about her, then I could help myself when the hunger grew again.

Knowing someone as a person instead of as a human, as prey, would assist in avoiding the thoughts of her blood and how the aroma tempted me, even now as I sat a bit away from her and focused clearly on resisting. Just like Alice had said in lunch to Jasper only a week ago…

I arranged my face carefully into a carefully open expression to ease any stress between us. I was seated further away from her, from how I'd placed the chair when I'd sat, and was angled towards her to help with appearances. Body language was an almost unconscious part of how humans took in others of their kind. I might not be a human – but Bella didn't know that.

"Hello." I kept my voice low: making sure no one would observe too much about whatever we were going to talk about. The typical adolescent boy, Mike Newton, did instantly notice. He was one of the males who imagined themselves already in love with her. I was glad he wouldn't be able to hear us: I hardly needed a silly competitive human thinking he owned Bella getting in my way.

The moment she heard my voice, her head snapped up to meet my gaze. Her dark eyes were wide and confused, while her heart rate sped up. She glanced over me, likely not realizing she was taking in the intentional body language. I wondered what she was thinking.

Once her head had moved, a wave of her scent passed over my face, propelled by her hair. This time, I didn't feel too overwhelming an urge to bite her, but it was still there. I took slower breaths, hoping to quell the thirst a bit more.

"My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have the chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan." There, that was an appropriate introduction. I watched her face carefully, and prayed that she wouldn't make any more sudden movements to dispel her scent into the air. My control was straining already.

The startled expression that had been on her face from the moment I said hello grew to 'deer-in-the-headlights'. I was puzzled: she stuttered, "H-How do you know my name?" I internally winced; I'd forgotten that I shouldn't really know her name because I'd not truly met her yet. Hearing the thoughts of others didn't count as being introduced to her.

I didn't feel overwhelmingly anxious about my slip-up. Instead, I felt a bit amused with her reaction: it was so different to anything I'd ever seen in another human. The name 'Jessica Stanley' and what she would have thought if I knew her name before introductions came to mind. I surprised myself when I laughed: Miss Stanley was one of the humans who gossiped the most at this school

Running with a sudden idea that popped into my head, I answered, "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." It was true, too, and I felt a rush of sympathy for Bella. What must she think of knowing that this tiny town was focused on her presence?

With her tendency to blush, I thought she would do so now at the idea that people were waiting for her arrival. She surprised me.

Instead of a tantalizing blush spreading across her cheeks, she frowned. "No, I mean why'd you call me Bella?" Now that certainly was odd. Any person to call her by Isabella had been quietly corrected to call her Bella; why was she against it all of a sudden?

Or was it just because it was I who had said it? I could hardly count the number of females who had tried to make their names sound 'exotic' to try and appeal to my brothers and I. Something told me that Bella wasn't like that.

"Do you prefer Isabella?" I wasn't sure why she now chose to ask for Isabella, but I felt an out of place surge of annoyance that she would want to be called anything different by me. Why should I be different?

Then again, I was a vampire; of course I was different than anyone else here. That was why many girls had tried to go after 'the single Cullen' when we first moved to Forks. At least, until it became clear that I was not interested in talking to any of them. They only provided temptation to drink, which is why my siblings and I avoided socializing with any humans besides what was absolutely necessary.

"No, I like Bella." Then why did she ask why I called her Bella? "But I think Charlie – I mean, my dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

So that was the problem. I saw it now. If everyone in town was told Isabella was her name, then my calling her what she preferred had confused her, especially since I had not yet met her and was only supposed to know her through town gossip. One word that I hadn't even thought about was a grave mistake.

"Oh," was the best I could come up with. I turned to the front as the lesson started, although I was only paying attention with half of my mind. The other was analyzing our conversation as I stopped my breathing process, trying not to let her scent creep into my mind again and overwhelm most other thoughts.

I still could not hear her mind, and that bothered me greatly. I was completely unused to not knowing what others thought. Why could I not read her mind? Did her scent tie into that, or were the two simply separate problems? Or were they even 'problems' to anyone besides me?

Her scent hit me again as she shifted in her seat. It really was beautiful, that scent…I wondered what it was, and spent a few minutes thinking about what it could be called before realizing that the thought was not helping my control in the slightest.

I was drawn back to the class when the teacher, Mr. Banner, said, "Get started." Checking his mind, I reviewed what we were to do and turned to Bella, my partner for this project.

I wondered briefly what she thought of working with me before saying, "Ladies first, partner?" Her eyes met my face and she seemed to freeze, staring at me. I wondered what she was thinking about as her eyes gained a gloss to them: a very familiar look was in her eyes.

That look was all too common with human females. It was usually brought on by physical appearance – their thoughts went along the lines of _'he's so hot_' or some similar thing whenever I saw that look. I didn't like the possibility of Bella thinking of me in solely that way – it just didn't feel right to me. Probably because of my predator status being so much more concentrated around her… "Or I could start, if you wish."

I wondered what was running through her head. She replied, "No. I'll go ahead." A beautiful flush spread over her cheeks: I watched her delicate fingers working on the microscope. Lowering her head to the eyepiece held some sort of grace, and I watched her throat muscles move underneath her lovely pale skin before sharply drawing my eyes away. That was dangerous.

"Prophase," was her answer for the slide. She straightened her head up, another wave of her scent flowing over to me. For an instant, I blanked out as she moved her hand to the slide to remove it.

My next action was pure impulse; I reached to her wrist, saying as I did, "Do you mind if I look?" I moved at human pace so she wouldn't be startled with my speed, but still quickly so she wouldn't have time to move the slide.

As I touched her hand, the warmth of the contact shocked me out of my control for a brief moment. The warmth of her fingers, the feel of her blood flowing just over my skin…I caught my head before it dipped low to her throat and drew my hand back from hers in the same movement.

My skin tingled pleasantly, the warmth lingering there like heavenly heat, as the strange electric shock I had felt when our skin touched burned into my memory. What was that?

"I'm sorry." I could barely apologize as I took the microscope from her – taking care not to touch her hand. I could not look at her: but her heartbeat, loud and strong, alerted me to the fact that my icy skin had startled her. She had no idea why my skin was so cold.

"Prophase." A short glimpse told me what phase the cell was; after nearly 100 years of scientific progress and almost as much schooling, it was relatively easy to take a single glimpse and know what I was looking at. My sight was extraordinarily sharp, but it wasn't designed for looking at individual cells – it was specialized to see far distances and the little things about our prey that could help us hunt.

For example, I could see the faint lines of the muscles on Bella's neck as she watched me write the word on the paper. Not liking that I thought of her as 'prey' – even unintentionally – I exchanged the slides and took another look, muttering, "Anaphase," and writing it down along with the first answer.

I had moved to take the slide off when a quiet, "May I?' came from my side. I glanced over to her: usually humans simply let us take over the work and it was quickly. Vampires did not like moving slowly, and most humans were happy to get the schoolwork done.

It appeared that Bella was one of the humans who had a tendency to want to earn the grades themselves. I had not known what to expect with Bella, but as I pushed the microscope towards her, I thought that she also just might want to prove me wrong with the slide.

My theory was proven when, as she looked into the microscope, she said, "Slide three?" with a definite edge to her voice. Disapproval, maybe, I mused as I took the next slide out. She must be intelligent, I thought as well, as she had taken my amount of time to give the slide a fleeting look.

I handed over the next slide while being very careful not to let our fingers brush, for both my sake and her safety. "Interphase," was her evaluation, and before I could ask if I could see it, she had slid the microscope over to me.

I gave it barely a glance, knowing already that she would be right. That was the kind of girl – no, woman: she was hardly a girl – who must be determined to be right. Bella would likely not give me a wrong answer in the fear of being just that – wrong. A classic 'overachiever' – but not like any other I had ever met. And sure enough, her answer was correct.

Proceeding like this, we were finished with the lab in barely a few minutes. Having done a half of the periods' class work in ten minutes, we were left to sit together in silence. I kept my gaze away from her with a bit of force.

I was not as bothered by her scent very much right now. It was still there, yes, and incredibly strong, but my resistance was great as well – and building. I was succeeding so far, and at the same time could not wait to leave this class, for it was frustrating. I hated trying to hold myself back like this.

Oh, how frustration grew with each passing moment. The strength of her scent, the control I was pulling out against the monster within me, her closed off mind…I knew that Jasper, were he anywhere nearby at the moment, would have a chore trying to decipher what I was feeling and why. Buried in the frustration was that something else, that emotion that I simply could not solve.

"Did you get contacts?" The question jolted me out of my swirling thoughts and I looked down at the brown-eyed belle beside me. She was looking at me with the expression of confusion and curiosity gracing her features. All the same, I was confused myself.

"No." Why was she asking me about contacts? My eyes had not been covered except for the first year of my new 'birth', when I had pretended blindness to keep my burgundy eyes covered – an after-effect of the change because of the human blood still in my system upon my entrance into my new life.

"Oh. I thought there was something different about your eyes." A faint blush skimmed across her cheeks, but I turned my face forward quickly. She was that perceptive? She had noticed my eye color change, from last week's black to today's golden hue, after only seeing said eyes once?

I wasn't sure whether to be nervous or let the strange feeling of happiness that she noticed – and remembered – something about me. It would have been smarter to be worried about her perception, but I couldn't help the curious wonder. This human was unlike any other: this was more information added to the pile of evidence.

I considered her sharp-eyed remembrance until I heard Mr. Banner behind us, checking on why we weren't doing our work. He was heading towards us from the back of the classroom. _What are those two doing, not working? Edward, I can understand; he's always a fast worker. But I haven't had a chance to see Isabella's statistics for this class._

He looked at our paper, and my lips twitched in amusement and a bit of annoyance. _It's only Edward's handwriting. So she didn't do any of the work? Is she that bad at science? _I felt a strange quiver of anger at him for thinking Bella incompetent to do the work.

"So, Edward, you didn't think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" I kept my calm as he asked; I didn't truly understand why I was irritated with him for Bella's sake.

"Bella." I automatically corrected. "Actually, she identified three out of five." I hid my grin, knowing I had stopped his suspicions. _She did three out of five? And they are already done with the work. How did she know what to do already? Many of my other best students still aren't done yet. _

I watched her as a faint blush reinstated itself as Mr. Banner asked, "Have you done this lab before?" His tone was slightly accusatory, and she noticed, her blush deepening further.

"Not with onion root," she admitted sheepishly. I wondered what was worrying her: the thought that Mr. Banner would be angry with her for knowing the answers already, or the idea that I was listening to her admit this, for she was carefully avoiding my eyes. Either way, I could not hear what it was and it increased my frustration.

"Whitefish blastula?" _Sometimes other schools use that in place of onion root. She must have done one of those._

"Yeah." Her blush deepened, and I stopped my breathing again in another attempt to hold off the monster and succeeded for the time being.

"Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?" I watched her slyly, wondering this myself. All her actions, her words during the lab, had shown intelligence of a high level, though I could not hear her thoughts to be sure.

"Yes." One question answered.

Mr. Banner did not know how to reply to that. "Well. I guess it's good you two are lab partners," was the best her could think of to say. As he walked away, he muttered, "Of course the two smartest people in the class are paired together." _I'm going to have to come up with more work to occupy them._ My lips twitched in slight amusement before I focused on the situation at hand.

Bella and I, sitting side by side with nothing whatsoever to do. Her eyes were focused on nothing, and I assumed she was thinking. I wished to hear her thoughts. Mike Newton's annoying thoughts pierced my mind as we sat in silence.

_I wonder why Bella didn't want to join in the snow fight. I have to get back at Yorkie. The idiot embarrassed me in front of her. _I stopped listening to him for a moment, blocking out all thoughts as I focused on this small amount of information.

I remembered what I had overheard from Jessica earlier. Again, I wondered why she did not like the snow. Was she glad that the snow was fading away outside? Alice knew that it would be incredibly icy the next day, but she didn't; would Bella hate it tomorrow? Would she consider the icy day coming to be a very bad day?

A breeze blew across my face again, carrying her scent. My muscles tensed ever-tighter, coils tightly into springs. I forced myself to relax a bit; I did not want to be conspicuous. It wasn't working very well: I could still feel the underlying stress in my muscles.

My mind frantically scrambled for something to help me build my defense; Alice's hint to Jasper about knowing the prey popped up once more. Maybe that would work: just talking to her a little more. It had helped before.

With hesitance and reluctance, I turned to her again and asked, "It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" A tone of defiance hit in my words: my family and I loved the snow, and I didn't understand why she wouldn't. What wasn't to like about it?

She seemed surprised at first when I spoke; she stiffened infinitesimally and her heart gave a small off beat thud. I grew worried for a moment about her irregular heartbeat, but she seemed fine. And she wasn't deterred, answering, "Not really."

I was happy that she was honest with me. It wasn't much, and not quite important honesty, but all the same it was the truth. Not very many humans seemed to think that they needed to tell the truth: lying was a plague among them. I took a stab at guessing why she did not like the snow. "You don't like the cold."

"Or the wet." I permitted myself a brief grin for figuring her out – even though it was only one little thing. My happiness faded quickly – now I was puzzled.

Why was she living here, if she didn't like cold or wet? This town was both cold and wet the majority of the time. Summer rarely brought heat, but there were occasional days of it. Phrasing my words carefully, I commented, "Forks must be a difficult place for you to live."

"You have no idea." Her reply – so low that a normal human might not be able to reasonably hear it – startled and intrigued me.

"Why did you come here, then?" If she did not like this town, and did not want to be here…then why was she? Why had she come here and made my days harder to exist in?

"It's…complicated." Why would she not just tell me? I restrained myself from groaning in frustration – after all, I had self-control. And I wasn't quite her friend. I would hardly have expected her to trust me immediately, especially when humans instinctively shied away from vampires. It was a reaction beyond their control.

I found that I was getting caught up in wanting to know more, rather than feeling it necessary to learn about Bella. It was slightly worrying, but at the same time an exhilarating feeling to learn more about this human girl.

"I think I can keep up," I pressed gently. She could trust me to know this; after all, was I not keeping my family's very existence secret? But of course – she didn't know that. She didn't know just how good I was at keeping secrets.

I could see her thinking about whether or not she would tell me. Then she looked up. Her pure, clear gaze met mine and I concentrated on her, willing her to tell me. For some inexplicable reason, I craved the knowledge of why she was here.

Something about my gaze made hers go out of focus again. Her cheeks darkened just slightly and she answered without hesitation. "My mother got remarried."

"That doesn't sound so complex." I felt a pang of sympathy for her. It was hard on humans for their parents to remarry or divorce – it was an entirely human characteristic. "When did that happen?" It must have been recent, for her to come here to Forks in January.

"Last September." Her voice was filled with sadness, and I let my forehead crease in a slight frown. I did not like hearing the sorrow in her voice. It wasn't 'Bella' – she seemed like such a happy, calm person. But it had been necessary – now I had a reasonable idea of why she had left her mother.

"And you don't like him." She must not like her stepfather if she left her mother to be with her real father. I couldn't think of any other reason why she would leave her mother. But again, she surprised me.

"No, Phil is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough." Her reply startled me again. If she was fine with her new stepfather, then why was she in Forks? Why would she leave?

"Why didn't you stay with them?" I began to feel a little frustrated with not knowing why she left. She was here and had uprooted _my_ existence last week, but for what? Why? I wanted to understand why she felt the need to be here when she didn't need to be.

Her fingers unconsciously tapped a short rhythm that sounded familiar, but I wasn't paying attention to it. "Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living." Her full lips curved up, an involuntary expression of remembering something.

I felt a better seeing her smile: I had worried my questions were making her sad. My own mouth mimicking hers, I asked teasingly, "Have I heard of him?" Baseball was one thing my family liked: having Alice to look out for thunderstorms, we could play whenever there was one.

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot." She moved her hand and the scent slammed into my nose before I caught a grip on my control again. I concentrated on what she was saying to help me grapple my control on my instincts.

I tried another guess, to see if I was right in my new assumption. "And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." That made more sense. But, yet again, her reaction took me by surprise.

Her eyes flashed in a sudden stubbornness, but what immediately caught my attention, of course, was the thrust of her jaw upward that exposed more of her throat. I swallowed quickly and focused on her face with concentration. "No she did not send me here. I sent myself."

My frown was back. "I don't understand." And I did not like not understanding. It didn't happen often; why should this be an exception?

She sighed and her shoulders drooped a little, showing more of her skin on her shoulders and collarbone. I had to stop looking at her neck area – it was not helping my instincts in the least. "She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie."

She was telling the truth. I was shocked at the love she showed with this act. Obviously, leaving Phoenix had been hard for her, and it was worse in the fact that she had to come here, to Forks, which was everything she hated.

Usually humans acted in their own self-interest, not doing anything that wasn't in their best interests. Bella was different. "But now you're unhappy." I stated, after a second of contemplation on what she felt of being here.

"And?"

She was very stubborn; I would give her that. "That doesn't seem fair," I spoke carefully.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."

The sarcasm in her voice made me smile a little; I was usually the only sarcastic one in my family, and it was nice to know that I wasn't the only one to act that way in an otherwise normal conversation. "I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before."

"So that's all." She obviously thought our conversation was done, judging by the final tone she had in her voice.

I looked over her carefully, drawing my conclusion. "You put on a good show. But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see," I told her slowly. There was no way she was going to be able to just drop all the sunlight and warmth of Phoenix for the gloom and shadows of Forks.

She did not reply, but simply glared at nothing. I watched her in amusement, trying to solve the puzzle of her mind while waiting for a reply. After a few minutes, I saw that she did not want to say anything. Being stubborn again? I thought she was.

Bella was trying not to look in my direction and succeeding so far. My lips twitched again, as I tried not to smile at the defiance I saw clearly in her. "Am I wrong?" I asked. Nostrils flaring in some emotion - was it anger? - her eyes stayed firmly away from my face.

Knowing that I was pushing the right buttons to try and pry a reply out of her, I let myself press another one. "I didn't think so," I made sure to sound smug; in reality, I was watching, a nervous feeling pulling at me as I waited in anticipation for some reply.

"Why does it matter to _you_?" she snapped; I had been able to break her resolution not to speak with me anymore, although I knew not where the anger she felt had come from. Who was she angry at? She had glanced over to me, and was still watching my face, though it had only been a few moments since she had asked her angry question.

Then her reply brought me back, and I considered what she had said. I did not know the answer. "That's a very good question," I said, half to myself.

Why did it matter to me? I had started this discussion as a simple way to learn more about the prey – I winced internally at the word – so I could try and keep myself from hurting her, or going after her. Not starting a chase for a meal… Now, I found myself wanting to know more about her.

She was still stubbornly trying not to look at me, and I felt the urge to make her look at me. I shook it off, adopting an amused expression; of course, I was amused, but simply didn't show it most of the time. "Am I annoying you?" I asked, trying to get more information.

To my surprise, the angry wall around Bella crumbled to dust and she slumped in her chair a fraction, as she finally looked back at me. "Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read - my mother always calls me her open book."

My smile flashed quietly: oh, if only she knew. "On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read." Very difficult - in fact, I couldn't at all.

"You must be a good reader then." That quirk of the eyebrow as she looked at me set some alarm off - like she was trying to know more without giving any of herself away.

"Usually." In all but one case – and I was currently talking to said exception.

That was the last I spoke to her all class. She shifted again, and it was nearly too much to take; in a tiny classroom, with many humans, it was hard not to attack in the first place. Include Bella in the equation, and I was nearly in agony.

The thirst was so strong, amplified with every tiny movement she made. I had to run out of the classroom as I had the previous Monday.

* * *

**A/N- I'm sorry this has taken forever to update. I will try to get the next chapter up sooner, but my copy of 'Twilight' has been floating in one of my friends' backpacks for the past week and I haven't been able to get it back yet. I just got this chapter done because I had copied the dialogue down on Microsoft Word before I lent the book out in a mistaken lack of foresight. So, the next chapter will possibly be here sooner or later, depending on how fast the book is read. So, friend who has my book, hurry up with it already! LOL. **

**Reviews are VERY welcome!**


	3. Hospital

**REVISED: 10/8/07**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N- I just thought I'd mention this, as one of my reviewers commented on it: yes, Jasper **_**can**_** feel emotions. If you want proof, read the last page in "Goodbyes", which is chapter 19 of 'Twilight'. I **_**quote**_**"I can feel what you're feeling right now…and you are worth it"**** Key point there being 'I can feel what you're feeling.':) Just thought I'd point this out to the reviewer. Thank you.**

**This chapter took a long time to write, because I had a lot of homework and schoolwork to finish every night this week .So, I hope you like this chapter of Sunrise and I am going to start the next chapter tomorrow morning: )**

* * *

**_Sunrise _**

**Chapter Four: Hospital**

During the last period of an otherwise boring school day, I spent my time thinking about the events in Biology. I barely paid attention in class and for the one question I was asked to answer, I took the reply from the teacher's thoughts. I was far too preoccupied.

Bella's reactions to some of my words were surprising. She had the unfair advantage this time, rather than me: being unable to read her mind, I didn't know what she was thinking.

And now, deprived of the ability around her, I realized how much I depended on hearing the thoughts of others. Usually I was the one with an advantage. I did not like being unable to know what a person would say or do next.

It was new for me not to know what a person would think of my comments: a strange world in which I had not stepped since I was human. The walls seemed to close in around me when I was with Bella, and the emotions I felt around her were new and never before encountered by me.

The foreign impulse to be near Bella was something I had never run across before, either. No human had ever captured my attention like she had. But as strange as it was for me, I was certain it was simply protectiveness over such a fragile-seeming human.

It was the end of the school day. By now, I usually would have been seated in my car – away from the prying, irrelevant eyes of human females. But my eyes caught a glimpse of a red truck that I knew was hers already – courtesy of Alice's random thoughts earlier that day – and couldn't help myself.

I knew that close contact was dangerous. Why not take advantage of watching Bella from a distance? It was safer for her, and easier for me. Leaning against the side of my car and looking out in the direction of her truck, I picked through the thoughts around me for any sightings of her.

She was walking towards the red truck from the gym. So she had that last period…I wondered if she enjoyed athletics, a spare question just for the sake of something to think about. I cast a glance over her car – a red monstrosity – and noted with a slight frown that it would probably be incredibly slow.

Vampires had an urge for speed, possibly due to our ability to move so quickly. I would never have been able to handle driving something so lacking in speed.

_Why isn't he in the car already? Oh, that __**girl**__ is walking to her truck. What an ugly red thing, probably ancient. Hm, it needs a good tune-up – of the things I could do with that car…but it's her. Why would I do anything for her? She caused Edward to leave! Okay, he came back, but still – she could have messed up my family's life!_

_He's not sitting behind the wheel of his car yet. Something must be wrong with him - oh, wow, there's that Swan girl. That's why – whoa, Edward, can he smell her? No, the breeze is going the other way: never mind. Then why is he watching her? Uh oh. What's he thinking about? That expression only shows up when he's really thinking about something…_

_What's Edward doing? Well, he doesn't seem to be thirsty. He's not frustrated, that's for sure. He's always frustrated when he's thirsty. That's so annoying sometimes: then I make everyone else annoyed, until I get a grip on myself. Well, I do know one thing – he's curious about her. Why, even I can't figure out…_

_Edward, you know it isn't polite to laugh at people, so remember that. Gee, she seems clumsy…_ There appeared to have been a vision from Alice only minutes before, but I had missed it in the sea of adolescents.

As if just realizing they were coming, I suppressed a groan as I realized my siblings were a short distance away. Since they had to walk human speed, they would take a bit longer to get to my car than Bella would take to get to hers.

I narrowed my eyes, watching Bella carefully. She was certainly not falling down every few steps. I briefly wondered why Alice commented that she was clumsy as she climbed into the cab of her little red truck, not seeming to be out-of-sorts or hitting herself.

I had been staring at her – not on purpose, just in interest. But it seemed to have drawn her eyes, for she turned her head as she was preparing to pull out of her parking spot: her eyes landed on mine.

Her cheeks swiftly gained a beautiful cherry stain, which was intensified; first, because she'd deliberately turned her head in the opposite direction – and then nearly run into an old Toyota Corolla as she backed up the first time.

My mouth twitched in amusement as I observed her pull out, more successfully, while keeping her head firmly in the opposite direction. My family smiled to themselves as well when Alice hissed that it was what she had seen.

Cheeks now crimson and head held high, Bella passed by in her truck with a ramrod straight back all the way to the exit of the parking lot. I was laughing to myself as she passed – until I caught a whiff of her scent.

My thirst was sharp, and I was expecting it. Closing my mouth against the rush of venom in my mouth, I swallowed hard and tried not to concentrate on that delicious smell… Outside, with fresh air blowing towards me, I found that I could concentrate on my control much better than from inside a compact classroom.

_Edward, I told you it isn't nice to laugh at other's misfortunate near-accidents,_ Alice reprimanded as she came to a stop in front of me, hands on her hips. I could hear my siblings converging around the car as well.

Turning to them with a small smile on my face, I replied to her, "I'm sorry, it was just too funny not to laugh," as I slid into the driver's seat. They got in the back after a moment of hesitation.

I suppressed a sigh; they had paused because of my smile. Through all four minds, the same thoughts of how I nearly never smiled so openly irritated me to no end. Just because I didn't smile a lot, it didn't mean that a smile every now and then was an awe-inspiring event.

Emmett finally broke the silence as I pulled out of the parking space. "So, are you going to tell us what was confusing about lunch?" he grinned, not expecting to hear too much of interest and at the same time, curious to know why I had behaved in a lees-than calm fashion.

I froze: we never kept secrets in the family, but I feared what they would do knowing this. Would my family want to flee, fearing the threat that this girl might pose? Would there be unnecessary sympathy towards me, because it involved my power? I didn't want either of those things to happen…which left one choice.

For the first time, I kept a secret. "Not much…it was just that her mind was more confusing than the others." It wasn't a complete lie…her mind _was_ confusing.

I knew that they would leave it at that. My power was hard to 'live' with much like Jasper's, because neither of us could simply turn them off. I always heard thoughts, and Jasper never had reprieve from emotions of others. Our family understood and knew that, but it didn't ease my guilty conscience.

We were home quickly as always. I sought the seclusion of my room and turned on the music to block out thought. Today, I paced around my room. Most of my time after school was spent relaxing and lying down to rest, not moving about like this.

I enjoyed spending time in my room. I had actually picked out the decoration for this one, due to a rare moment of generosity from Alice. It was my taste: a black leather sofa, soft golden carpeting, and the walls panels that did little for vampire hearing: but I'd bought them anyway.

There were times when I'd lie on the carpet, or sprawl over my couch. It depended on my mood for the day – or occasionally, week – although there wasn't a specific reason I preferred either. I had an urge to throw myself on the sofa today – and one thing was keeping me on edge. Preventing that.

What else? The torturous scent of Bella's blood…

The leftover scent in my mind, on my clothing itself, caused my inner monster to snarl and howl for escape, to hunt her down. But I wouldn't let it; I had control, and I could keep it. The thirst inside me wouldn't be let loose, take over and hunt her down – not if I could help it.

I'd proved that today, all day; her scent was all around the school, for her schedule literally had her in every building. And yet, I had begun to build up a wall inside, blocking the beast that raged within to be free, to hunt down that human girl.

I laughed once, harshly: the absurdity of this pull to her blood! She did not even know what I felt! The thirst that grew within me every time she moved near was unknown to her; she did not know my thoughts of bloodlust, the thirst that welled up in me every time I so much as thought of her scent.

My thoughts swirled endlessly, continuing about their own ways until I had come full circle. By then, the sun was setting, low behind the foggy gray clouds, out of sight. The sky darkened to mark its movement. Just past twilight…

I stopped my relentless pacing, staring out into the forest surrounding our home as the sky grew black enough that no human could see more than a few yards ahead. The trees, ferociously green in this wet town, were all but gone, disappearing into the dark of the night beyond the illumination the lights in our house offered.

Drawing my thoughts back to me, I realized that I had to calm my thirst. I had allowed my thoughts to control me for the time; now that I was collected again, I could hear the thoughts of my family.

They were relieved that I had finally stopped pacing, but wondered. Rosalie immediately dismissed Bella, or as she thought, "_that girl_". Esme seemed to be the only one who really thought Bella was what was bothering me, but for the life of her could not decide for certain.

I smiled wryly to myself at the phrasing; we, the undead, had no life, only a shadowy existence that encroached on all sides, making the horizon ahead black as night.

Flipping the off switch on my stereo, I decided that I didn't want to lurk in my room at the moment. My fingers itched to play the piano: my mind was full, I was having more trouble than ever ignoring the thoughts of my family, and I wanted to do something I enjoyed to take my mind off of Bella.

The piano was my one refuge from everything. I had no difficulty with troublesome thoughts when I sat down on the bench and let my dead heart decide the piece and the notes. While concentrating on my music, I could almost drown out the thoughts that constantly bombarded my mind.

Slipping out of my room, I was grateful that my siblings had spent their time downstairs and retreated to their rooms. I was left a clear path down the steps into the main room of the house.

Carlisle was in his office. I heard him as I passed silently by the door, and he sent me a mental message. _Esme may wish to talk to you, Edward, just so you are prepared for whatever she may ask of you._

I nodded to him through the open door as I continued on my way. I made a straight path to the piano: my piano. Permitting myself a brief grin as I ran my hand lightly over the tops of the keys, I settled on the bench and proceeded to play the song that I had written for Esme.

The notes came from my fingers precisely, contrary to my confusion and frustration of the afternoon. I threw myself into the music. The notes flew out of my fingers into the air and I felt a sense of peace that not even Jasper could manage to create.

I heard Esme's mind before she was in the room, of course. _It's beautiful. I wonder why he was so tense before; he seems fine now, from how he's playing…_

I didn't turn my head from my piano as I said, "Hello, Esme."

She placed her hand on my shoulder: it trembled under her touch as I tried not to jerk away, but she felt it anyway. Removing her hand, she tried not to let the instinctive hurt into her thoughts. "How are you, Edward?" _I'm sorry, I'm just still not used to your dislike of contact… Are there any new occurrences regarding this girl?_

My stomach twisted slightly: I always felt bad when I hurt Esme's feelings like this, but it wasn't precisely something I could help. And I felt obligated to correct her. "Her name is Bella." She was a human being: precious to somebody. If I ever let myself stop thinking that for a moment, I might lose my willpower, my need to keep her safe. Alive.

I registered her surprise at my rectification of her name. _Oh? Bella? Is there any reason for wanting her name correctly said? _

The slight hesitation in hitting the next keys didn't show; I realized that I was about to make a break in the music and stopped playing before it she could detect it.

Placing my hands on the bench, I answered Esme slowly, "No reason, really. Just that that's her name." I kept my tone casual; some nervousness that I did not know was in the pit of my stomach.

I shoved it away as Esme murmured, "Hmm. So, what was the nervous pacing for all afternoon?" _Are you nervous about something? Why?_

I took an unnecessary breath. I had never lied before: although, I convinced myself, this wasn't truly outright lying. "I was just…tense. It was hard to be stuck in a small classroom…right next to her." I ran my hands through my hair and tried to ease the nervousness I felt.

She hummed sympathetically again. _Is he sure he can handle it? I don't think he could stand it if he were to kill her; she's just an innocent young girl. It would haunt him for the rest of his life…_

I let out a laugh, harsh and short. "I don't know, I couldn't, I know that all too well, and we don't technically 'live' in case that escaped you Esme." I felt a pang at saying my words in such a harsh way, but the fact of our non-existence wasn't going to disappear just because no one would admit it.

_Edward, how can you really think that? Is it simply because he's alone? Why does he insist that he doesn't deserve love like the rest of us? _Esme's laments were nothing new, and I did not believe her. How could I, a monster that was always thirsty for blood, be loved?

The others had their mates: they were all vampires. I was happy for them, for the non-lives they had found together, but I knew that such a thing was not for me. I could not be loved by any one person, and I did not want to love another either.

My love is not worth anything to anyone, for I was an undead creature – a murderer of innocent. Well, perhaps not 'innocent' – but I certainly had killed humans. And that was certainly against the Commandments…no matter who died. No matter whether the killer was vampire or human.

My family did not understand this view, and I could not force them to see my view. They had their side, and though I did not agree, I dealt with their daily thoughts on my apparent loneliness and kept to my straight way of life: 'living' on for their sake only.

Esme left, still thinking sadly about the subject. I got off my piano bench and began to head out before Alice appeared at the top of the staircase. "You're hunting again? You just went."_ And herbivores only aren't a very good meal choice. A rather poor one, I'd say. _

I turned my head to look up at her. "I want to make sure I'll be able to keep myself in check near her. It's hard to even speak to her; I don't want to loose control."

_You won't attack her, Edward. Why do you think you will?_ She shook her head as she turned to head back up the stairs.

I called after her, "It's more of a safety precaution than anything else." She waved her hand behind her at me, a gesture of farewell. With that, I turned and ran out the door, headed to the forest.

* * *

Done with hunting, I took my time walking back to our house. Strange for a vampire: we crave speed. But the snow was starting to fall. And I loved to watch snow. 

Snow fell on the treetops as I walked through the forest, away from the site where I caught a small meal of two deer and a wolf. I had known, of course, that there would be snowfall tonight; Alice had had a vision of it earlier that day. Possibly yesterday, if it was as late as it seemed.

I loved walking through snow as it fell; the cold surrounding me felt amazing, simply because I could actually feel a temperature just slightly colder than I was. I made my way back to the house and smiled upon seeing the snowball fight taking place, through Alice's mind.

Emmett had, of course, started it, and I – she – watched as he and Jasper battled it out with Rosalie, Alice, and Esme egging them on from the porch. Carlisle was wandering the snow around their fight, calling out points and hits as he saw them. None of them had coats on: or rather, none of us.

Coming up through the trees, I heard with my own ears the shouts and laughter that Alice had registered in her mind along with snapshots of current scenes. She didn't know I was watching from her mind, however, before I no longer needed to. I stood by the edge of the trees by the side of the house once I made it all the way back through the forest.

I did not just watch the game my brothers were playing, but my entire family. It made me happy when we had times like this to share, and almost glad that we were as together and close as we were despite the curse that our lifestyle was.

These vampires were my family in every sense that truly mattered, and I would not trade one of them for anyone else, no matter how excruciatingly annoying any one of them could be at times. We all had our moments: I had mine, just like the rest of them. I was just the only one who knew almost as it was happening, most of the time.

I watched my family laugh together, my own lips quirking up in a smile in response to their joyous thoughts. We were almost like a true family right now…

_Edward, come on. I know it's fun watching us laugh; don't deny it, I can tell. But we want you here, too._ Jasper's mind invaded my thoughts. His gaze met mine for a fraction of a second.

He wanted me to come and join them. Usually, I would have: for Jasper to be so involved was making Esme rather happy, too. With the horrors of his past, the battle scars he carried both physically and mentally, she often wanted to mother him even more at times when old memories would somehow pop back up again.

I could hear his every thought when he would sometimes go back into the past, remembering his life before Alice, and us. Usually, I could at least attempt to help him: I was the one with the most warning in advance about his lapses into memory.

Alice made it her mission to help him whenever he began to dwell on the past, but right now she wasn't even concerned about it. No one seemed concerned about anything. But I couldn't just ignore everything like they seemed to want.

A certain scent still lingered in my mind, and I shook my head, darting into the house quietly.

My family was whole together right now. I enjoyed, preferred even, to stay solitary. That was what my life was based on: staying strong, solitary and alone. I would protect them, my family, from any danger, but I could not readily go out and let my guard down. Letting it down would be letting them in, and I was a monster, undeserving of their love and support.

I was a monster for even looking at Bella, I realized as I closed the door to my room and turned on the music system: Debussy played at low volume, soothing in its familiarity. I was a monster, a beast, because I could not control my cravings for her blood.

She did not deserve an inhuman creature lusting after that sweet life force inside of her, and I did not want to crave her blood, either.

Yet try as I might, I did. And she did not know it. I collapsed on my sofa, closing my eyes and stretching out to wait for a few more hours until dawn. The CD switched three times in the player, and by the time early morning rose, someone decided I shouldn't be alone with my thoughts of non-life.

_Edward, don't wallow._ Alice's thoughts drifted to me from her location, cross-legged on the floor. I had pretended not to notice her come bouncing into my room seconds before, but with her thinking things to me I couldn't very well ignore her then. And it wasn't as if I could sleep.

"I'm not wallowing."

_Yes, you are._

"If I was wallowing, I would be frustrated about something. As it is, I am not the least bit angry."

_You're mad at yourself, though. Why?_

"I am not mad at myself. Whatever gave you that idea?"

_Jasper_.

"Nice try. He never thought that."

_Then it's written all over your face._

"It is not."

_If you were human, all that anger and depression you're feeling would be leading you to self-mutilation._

"I repeat: I am not angry and neither am I depressed. And self-mutilation – really, what do you think I am?"

_I'd say you are making yourself depressed. And yes, you are._

"No, I am not."

_Yes, you are._

"I'm not having this argument with you any more."

"Good, because it's hard to hear one side of a conversation and not think that the person talking is talking to themselves." _Even if they're a mind-reading vampire._

"Thank you for your input, Emmett." I opened my eyes and turned my head, quietly observing Emmett standing by the door. He grinned at me.

"Anytime, Eddie." _Yes, I did call you Eddie._

I growled and sprang at him, snarling. "Don't call me Eddie!"

I landed a few punches before springing away, not a single punch of his having hit home. I could almost always beat my opponent, having the advantage of knowing what they are thinking.

I could keep track of their movements that way, and it is fairly easy to avoid a hit and land one simultaneously when you know what the other person is thinking.

Alice laughed as she ran out the door and down the hall to her room, to get changed for school. "Beaten by your older brother." I smirked as Emmett backed off with a surrender gesture.

He snorted. "In vampire age, only, you young whippersnapper." _Come on, I know you want to laugh…_

My lips twitched as I tried not to succumb to the laughter that he was trying to provoke me into. "You're older in appearance to me, Emmett, but not _that _much older."

He smirked. "Oh, right." _Why do I always use that phrase, again? Oh, because it annoys Eddie, right…_

I waved a hand at him. "Go, Emmett; I need to change for school." I shoved him out of my room and yelled at him before he reached his, "And don't think Eddie at me, either!"

Quickly changing clothes, I grabbed the backpack off the floor and headed down that stairs. I made sure to grab an appropriate jacket for school: as much as I would like to not have to wear one and run through the freezing snow, a human would likely catch pneumonia if he or she did that. It would be far too suspicious for me to be unharmed by the cold weather if I went without a coat in this snow.

My car, safe in one of the outhouses remodeled as a garage, had not been harmed during the icy night. I grinned as I slid behind the wheel, feeling happy to go to school for a change. A faint part of my mind told me that it was connected to Bella's presence: I pushed the feelings away. If I didn't understand it, I had no need of it.

Folding themselves into the space allotted in my car, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice soon joined me with their own backpacks and absent-minded thoughts about the weather and snowball fights.

I sighed as I backed out of the garage. Snow and fighting were just the outer layer of some current thoughts of interest: I could hear Alice pondering the meaning of seeing Tyler Crowley taking his family's minivan to school that day. I could care less about the choices of a human male at our school and so ignored her.

Within several short minutes I was pulling into the school parking lot. Plenty of humans were already milling about. The crystalline snow that coated the ground was shimmering in the dull light, trying to break through the thick cloud cover.

Looking out almost unconsciously into the parking lot, I spotted Bella's large red truck several spaces down from my spot. She had evidently just parked, herself: as I watched, she slowly clambered out of her car, forehead creased in deep thought.

I wondered what she was thinking. Then Alice murmured, _I think we'll go on ahead then, Edward. Don't take too long – she'll still make it to fifth period, you know!_ I chanced a glance back at Alice and just caught her smile as she stepped out of the car.

The rest of our siblings followed her as she herded them away. Rosalie cast a single disdainful glance behind her as she walked away, unintentionally transmitting to me a picture of myself in her mind as I stepped out of the car. _What is he doing? Watching a human? He better not lose control…_

Pretending not to hear her – or my other siblings – thoughts as I faced in Bella's direction, I tried to observe her without letting any distractions get to me. She was just there, the girl who confused me, made me have to leave my family – even for a brief stint of time – and tortured me with her scent. All without her ever knowing a thing about it: how extraordinary. And intriguing…

Her old, slow, red truck was four car spaces down from me. I was surprised to see her turn away from the direction of the school, attention focused downwards. She was looking at her tires. I caught a glimpse of snow chains: why was she curious about them? Had she not put them on her truck?

My confusion about her concern was abruptly silenced. And it transformed to a concern of my own. I saw the van sliding across the ice before the sound could have reached Bella's ears. A breath that I did not need escaped my lungs.

When the sounds reached her ears, her head turned with what seemed like infinite slowness. But just before her eyes locked on the van, they connected with mine; to Bella, it would have seemed like a small sliver of time. To me, it stretched on for a long, long minute.

Her dark brown eyes were so innocent. They were wide, set in her pale face delicately. A perfect contrast of depth to her seemingly simple nature: she was a sweet, innocent girl. Especially compared to my vampiric status. With her dark brown eyes framed by long lashes, I felt she was far too alive to be so cruelly silenced.

I was standing right there, about to watch her die. Van's collision course would crush her between it and her own truck. And I could not do anything to help her, to keep that light of life burning in her eyes.

…But I could.

I reacted as the idea flashed through my mind, taking up one more precious second of her time. A second that she might not have, if I hesitated now for any reason. I ran as fast as I could, hurrying to get there in time to save her. In my mind, the only thoughts I had were, "No. She cannot die. I won't let her."

Leaping around cars and humans, I heard my sister's cry from what seemed like miles away in the tense space that I was working in. Alice had just received a vision of the events about to unfurl, the unpredictable nature of the accident to unpredictable for her to see it before now.

_What is he doing? Edward, what are you doing?_ She was trying not to run to me, to pull me back from saving Bella from the impending doom of a car crash. I heard her mind through a haze. And my thoughts were so intent on saving Bella that I did not care if I was seen.

There was only action and reaction. The van would crush her if I did nothing: I could not stand by and let her die. She didn't deserve death, I thought as I ran, taking in her frozen features. She deserves a long, full life and I could not let it end now, not while I could prevent it.

Inches away from her, I became aware enough to realize that as of yet, no human had noticed me. No minds were calling my name in confusion or shock. But what surprised me the most as I neared the stiff, startled Bella was that her scent was the same as it was every day in Biology.

Under ordinary circumstances, there would be no cause for surprise. But fear strengthens the scent of blood, heightens a vampires instincts: if Bella was afraid, there was no doubt that it would be harder for me to resist her blood.

Yet not an ounce of fear drifted from her body, from her scent. As if she wasn't facing death head-on, as if she hadn't realized that she was about to die, Bella was completely, bizarrely calm.

There was no time to contemplate the complexities of this human girl: I had to save her life first. Only half a second later, I was pushing her out of the way of the skidding van.

She hit the pavement hard: I heard her skull smash clearly against the pavement. For an instant, fear consumed me: had I reacted too fast? Had I crushed her, hurt her in any way? I prepared myself for the onslaught of her blood, to see her bleeding of a head wound – or worse, multiple injuries.

But there was no bleeding. To my great relief, I felt her heart pounding relentlessly against my own chest due to her back enclosed in the space between my body and the asphalt.

With a silent sigh of relief, I made sure that none of my weight was on her in almost belated concern for her welfare. Luckily, I had automatically supported my body with my arms and knees: she had remained contact, whole.

A terrible screeching of tires against ice resounded through the parking lot once more. Several minds in the area flashed the picture into my head: the van was still on the move. And it was still attempting to hit its target.

Cursing under my breath and tilting my head up to look at the car myself, I saw it swinging towards us once more. Bella's legs, delicate and sheathed in jean fabric, were right in it's line of destruction.

Was she some type of super-strength magnet? How else could she possible attract such danger from a car?

Again, I disregarded who might be watching: my only concern was Bella's safety. I had saved her from the car's first attempted murder, and now faced a second try. This time, however, I knew that I had control. I knew my speed, and I knew cars.

If I had been unable to stop the car from crunching around us again, I could still get Bella to the safety of the lawn only feet away – even if it meant going through the car behind us to do so. I could use my own body to form a shield around her, keeping the impact of the car centered solely on myself, if I had to.

Instead of doing anything that drastic – although the plan was workable and clear in my mind – I settled for the better method. Thrusting my arms out to stop the van, then catching the edge, I held it a foot in the air and braced my shoulders against the car behind me to keep it balanced.

I felt the flimsy metal bend in my hands and curve around my back. It was compacting from the pressure my body and grip were exerting. I hardly cared at the moment that I had to use a vampire's normal strength to stop the car.

When the opportunity presented itself, I quickly dragged her legs toward me and released the van. It fell to the ground with a loud crunch. As it settled, glass popping and metal groaning, I could pay no attention to anything but Bella underneath me.

The impact of her head to the ground had been loud amidst the noise and chaos of the situation. "Bella? Are you all right?" I spoke in her ear, as we were so close together.

"I'm fine." Her voice sounded strained. Whether it was because of the near accident, hitting her head on the asphalt, or how close I – a vampire – currently was to her, I had no clue. And even the simplest of humans subconsciously felt uncomfortable around vampires.

She tried to sit up. I didn't let her go, in fear that she had a head injury. Perhaps a concussion, if the volume was anything to go by. I held her down beside me, in an almost instinctive way. "Be careful. I think you hit your head pretty hard."

Bella blinked, almost as if surprised. Then she said in a shocked voice, "Ow," as if just realizing she was in pain.

I bit back a smile as I realized that she hadn't, in fact, noticed it. "That's what I thought." In the rush of adrenaline and being caught up in the moment, she might not have noticed that she was hurt. But now that it was over, she felt the pain.

I wished there was something more I could do for her, but I dared not try to move. I might just bite her if I moved – we were far too close for comfort – and I knew that my control could only take so much.

"How in the…" she blinked a few more times, focusing and refocusing. Likely, she was dazed from the adrenaline rush and subsequent lack of danger that cancelled out the need for hyperawareness. "How did you get over here so fast?"

I swallowed tightly. I had hoped she hadn't noticed my location before the van collision; maybe I could convince her that I was near her the whole time. "I was standing right next to you, Bella."

She turned to sit up, and at that moment, the scent hit me again. Strong and pure as ever, it bloomed in the small space between us, creating far more danger to her than she could ever possibly have imagined. The ache in the back of my throat begged that I obey my instincts to go for the kill.

I let her go and scooted back as far as I could, shortening my breaths so that I received less of her scent. The slight wind kept her scent from hitting me head on, in extremely strong concentration.

I met her eyes, staring down into them. Strangely, the first thought that popped into my head was that I still could not hear her mind, even at this proximity. Our eyes stayed locked: a glaze started to sweep over her eyes. She was no longer looking at me, but lost. Was she thinking? What about?

The thoughts around us abruptly grew numerous, and I realized that they were all concerned for our safety. People shouted to each other aloud, but I did not listen to them, keeping my eyes trained on Bella's face.

She made a move to stand up. I placed my hand on her shoulder, pushing her down. "Just stay put for now," I told her, not wanting her to strain herself. Concern blossomed within me again.

Bella was nearly killed in a car crash. She could not be wandering around like nothing had happened - it might be dangerous for her health, and arouse suspicion for my family due to my involvement.

I hadn't considered before now just what I might have done to impact the secrecy of my family's existence. I needed to think of what my actions had possibly done, now that I could see the full picture after my reactions. But Bella managed to distract me.

"But it's cold," she complained. I let out a small chuckle; she might think it was the weather, but it could easily be my cold, undead presence that was causing the shivers along her skin. Of course, I, the undead, was sitting here beside her, after having saved her from her own death. Ironic.

Next came the words that caused me to freeze. "You were over there. You were by your car." My small laugh died instantly. She _had_ seen. I had thought that our brief eye contact wouldn't register in her mind, but apparently it had. That shouldn't have been possible.

She had to be guessing, assuming that I was nowhere near her because she hadn't seen me there when she parked. I focused on her face hard, willing her to see a lie. To see anything that wasn't the truth. "No, I wasn't."

"I saw you." She was too persistent. I pushed her, my eyes boring into hers as I willed her to believe me. The chances of it working were far too slim, but I had to try anything I could.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." Please, Bella, I thought, please, just go along with this and you won't be in danger for knowing a secret about my family. You'll be safe.

"No." She jutted her jaw forward stubbornly.

I nearly growled in frustration, keeping myself in check by reminding myself that she was just a human. She didn't know – that was the point. "Please, Bella." Why couldn't she just accept what I was telling her as the truth? Why did she have to be so stubborn, so sure that she was right?

She demanded, "Why?" A very good inquiry – one that a part of me wished I could tell her.

"Trust me," I asked her in a softer voice. I may have been an undead creature, but even with the lack of trust I should be offered, I had to seal this. I had to make sure that she would not tell a soul what really happened.

She twitched at the sounds of approaching sirens, only now able to be heard by human ears. "Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"

It wasn't her I was mad at when I snapped my reply; it was myself. I was promising to tell her something and I would never be able to keep my promise. I always kept my promises, but this was one I couldn't. "Fine."

The unconscious crease in her forehead returned. "Fine," she snapped back.

I let the humans deal with the cars and Bella, only telling them that she hit her head and might have a concussion. I was sorry to admit that I hoped she did, if only to be able to tell her that the concussion had altered her memory.

I heard the thoughts of my siblings then, directed at me from where they stood by the school buildings. Away from the crowd. I winced internally at the anger on their faces, all except Alice.

_What were you thinking? Did you have to go and save her? Didn't you think of what might happen now? What if the girl tells? Oh, wait; her name is Bella, isn't it? Well? Did you think of that?_

_She's not overly anxious: mostly confused. This could cost us so much if she tells. Have an explanation; you'll need it, with the fury radiating off of Rosalie._

_What were you thinking? What is the matter with you? Why did you have to go play hero for a stupid human girl? Don't you have any concern for this family?_

Only Alice wasn't furious with me, but she was definitely disapproving. _I don't know what she's decided, Edward. She hasn't made up her mind yet about telling or not. When you get to the hospital, give Carlisle your explanation. I'll tell the others what I see about her decision when I see it._

I gave her a short nod and climbed into the ambulance. I had made things complicated for my family while keeping Bella safe. As we drove out, I caught a last thought from Alice: _I erased the dents of your shoulders from the car, and your hand marks as well. That's all I can do for now._ I wished I could reply to her message, but couldn't.

Chief Swan had arrived before the ambulance rode away: we had a police escort to the hospital. Once there, I slipped away from the ambulance and workers, heading to Carlisle's office. I was confident that the staff would be able to take care of Bella. I had to speak with my father.

When I arrived at the door to his office he was inside, on his cell phone…with Rosalie. Of course she would call before I had a chance to talk with him. This was not going to be fun – not that I thought it would be in the first place.

He clicked off the phone as I came in, expression serious. _That was Rosalie, as I'm sure you know. You can tell me the story later; right now, we need to think about what we can do with the girl._ I nodded and closed the door behind me.

Speaking too quickly for human ears to hear, I said, "Bella wasn't bleeding: I managed to keep my thirst in check when I pulled her out of the way. I heard her skull hit the pavement when we went down; if she has a concussion, we could convince her that she did not see me standing four cars down from her."

_**Four**__ cars down? Edward, what have you done? If we can't convince her and she tells, what if someone else enforces her story? We better hope that she has a concussion…_He frowned, thinking of other things we could do. So far, there wasn't much.

"I know, Carlisle. I truly am sorry for my actions." A sudden flicker of inspiration came in the form of Bella's scent. "I…I knew that if she was hit and…her blood was spilled, easily reachable…" I knew that it was true as I spoke it; even if it wasn't the main reason I had saved her. "If her blood had been exposed…Carlisle, I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from attacking."

His expression grew pained._ Of course. The pull of her blood is stronger. He would hate it if I told him that he probably wouldn't have been able to control himself…_

I did frown when he thought that, though I was puzzling over something else in my mind. The reason I had given Carlisle was plausible, and a bit true, but what I had felt when I was running to her wasn't fear of being unable to control myself. It was fear of loosing her.

I had been afraid to see her die, and I didn't understand why I felt this way for a mere human. They died all the time in normal life: if things had gone the way they were supposed to, she would have died today. I knew that as a fact of life, humans succumbed to accidents every day. So what made her different enough for me to save her?

Carlisle sighed and stood up from behind his desk. "I had better check her and see if we can find evidence of a concussion. I just have to run this file down to the nurses." _Go wait in her room, if you can stand it. I'll meet you there after I speak with one of the other doctors to take her case. I'll say it's because you're involved in the accident: I'm sure they wouldn't prevent me from checking her if I claim it's in your interest as well as hers._

I nodded again and turned to walk down the hall, following the setup of the hospital until I was by the waiting room. Nearly every hospital Carlisle had worked in had the same setup and was easy to navigate; humans seemed to think they needed at least one sign on every section of wall in a hospital.

Listening, I was surprised to find most of the high school in the waiting room – here to make sure Bella was safe. I remembered her reactions to attention on the way to the hospital: she wouldn't appreciate this at all. Letting out a brief, short laugh, I continued along my path, now following my nose. I could smell her, faintly, up ahead. They had wheeled her in this way.

As I approached the door, I heard Tyler Crowley's mind. _I can't believe I almost hit Bella with the van. I wonder if she got my apology yet. She looks so pale. Her eyes are closed. Is she feeling all right? I hope I don't have to stay here in the hospital long, but if Bella does, then I wouldn't really be bothered…_

I rolled my eyes. Typical teenage boy. He and the other human males were so infatuated with Bella already. It was fairly unsurprising that he would want to stay in the hospital if she was. I heard him muttering apologies to Bella as I walked in, and found that he was right.

She was laying on the bed beside Tyler's, eyes closed peacefully. Her expression of utter calm, not even marred by the slight crease she usually had in her forehead, caused me to hesitate at the foot of her bed. I didn't want to disturb her rest.

As Tyler's continuous apologies trailed on, I saw a faint frown appearing on her forehead. Holding back a grin, I decided it was time to speak: she didn't seem to be enjoying his monologue in the least. "Is she sleeping?"

Her deep brown eyes flew open the instant I spoke, focusing immediately upon me. Her expression of controlled peace became angry. She glared right at me, and I couldn't resist my smirk at the sight of her – a human – glaring at me. A vampire.

She was still definitely pale, but her blood had lost none of its potency. I managed to control my instincts – barely – but the urge to drink from her was still so strong. It would have been overpowering had I not the years of practice resisting human blood.

_Whoa! When did Cullen get here?_ "Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry-." Tyler had tensed the moment he heard my voice._ I bet Bella won't even talk to me with Cullen here. Why do they all have to look so perfect?_

I raised my hand to cut him off before he finished his apology. I, too, had grown quickly tired of his monotonous monologue of moments before. "No blood, no foul," My smile widened at the irony.

My attention shifted back to Bella. She looked so weak and pale, lying there on a hospital cot. I moved toward Tyler's bed, taking a seat on the very edge so as to keep space between the bleeding human and me.

I marveled at the intensity of Bella's scent. It was strong enough that, even with Tyler only an arm's reach from me, I still craved her blood above the exposed wounds. In comparison, Tyler might as well be whole and miles away while Bella was openly bleeding inches from me.

Wishing to distract myself, I pulled a second smirk across my face. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked, wondering what she had already been told by the nurses.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go." Her complaining of the nurses doing their jobs properly somehow made me feel like smiling. "How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?" Her eyes narrowed on me as she asked; she was digging for details.

I didn't comply with her unconscious verbal wishes for me to slip up and tell her what she wanted to know. "It's all about who you know." I heard Carlisle coming down the hall, reading over Bella's medical report in his head to me.

_No concussion, Edward. That's not good for our defense. I'm coming now; maybe she'll have a headache and can be convinced she saw things anyway._ "But don't worry, I came to spring you." I grinned.

I watched her face, a small hint of yet another unknown feeling filling me, as Carlisle walked in. This did happen a lot; humans weren't used to our seemingly perfect physical attributes. I saw the telltale glaze of Bella's eyes before she shook it away.

Usually humans didn't realize how avidly they were staring at us. As vampires, the physical perfection was another weapon in our arsenal against prey. With the unconscious knowledge of us as predator, most humans didn't realize that a vampire was using that particular type of attraction as a weapon.

But had Bella realized this? Was that why she shook it off more quickly than a normal human? Then again, I could mark it down to her mental state. Since I could not read her mind, maybe our other weapons were of no use against her.

But then why had her eyes glazed over when I had spoken to her in Biology? That had been the predictable reaction…but she _had_ shaken herself out of it quickly for a human.

Carlisle said in his usual gentle, soothing voice, "So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?" _She looks fine. Her heartbeat is at a normal pace. There's nothing unusual about her. Maybe we'll get lucky and be able to convince her that she hurt her head more than the X-rays show. _

I bit my lip against telling Carlisle just how unusual Bella Swan truly was for me, the mind reader. I watched her face instead in mild interest; she sighed a little as she replied, "I'm fine," as if she had been repeating it for a while. Knowing her – as little as I did – I could easily see her having done just that.

Carlisle turned on the light board for the X-rays over her head. Looking at it myself, I nodded slightly; her x-rays showed not the least bit of damage. She was perfectly fine. This was bad. It meant she really had seen everything that should have been impossible for her to notice.

_Edward, there isn't much I can do for you._ "Your x-rays look good. Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard," Carlisle told her.

"It's fine," she repeated with an angry sigh, glaring at me once again.

My lips twitched as Carlisle examined her head carefully with his cool fingers and found a bruised spot. "Tender?" he asked. _Maybe we can work with this, Edward._

"Not really." Her lie was obvious. I let out a small chuckle, capturing her attention. Carlisle had been 'alive' for over three hundred years. There was no way she could have fooled him, or me: I had gone to medical school, too. I remembered those days well…Bella glared at me, and I wondered how my nostalgic smile appeared to her.

"Well, your father is in the waiting room – you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all." _Edward, there's nothing I have to suggest to you. Try whatever you have to, to ensure that she won't tell. _

"Can't I go back to school?" My eyebrows almost rose before I remembered that she wasn't a normal human. Actually wanting to go back to school shouldn't be such a surprise, compared to everything else about her that was unusual.

"Maybe you should take it easy today," Carlisle told her. _Why would she want to go back to school? I thought Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice always complained about having to go to school for the past hundred years. Monotony, tiresome, repetitive work…_

She glanced over at me again, a quizzical, almost sulking, look on her face. "Does he get to go to school?"

I smirked again. "Someone has to spread the good news that we survived."

"Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room." _Edward, I think you shouldn't go back to school today. We need to have a little family discussion. _I felt like groaning, but knew that we would have to speak soon anyway.

It would be better to have their yelling at me done quickly, rather than give them time to build up steam and then take their turns mentally and verbally abusing me, and my unconscious decision.

My eyebrows rose in amusement and I clamped down on my thirst as the beautiful blush swept across her cheeks and her head fell to her hands. "Oh, no…" she moaned.

_Obviously she hates being in the center of attention. This could work to our advantage; if she's afraid of being drawn into the spotlight, there's less of a chance of her ever telling about us._ "Do you want to stay?" Carlisle asked, raising his eyebrows in speculation.

"No, no!" she cried, instantly jumping out of the bed. I flinched slightly as her scent hit me harder. Her movement caused her scent to spread through the air.

Her footing was loose and she fell over the second she was on her feet. Carlisle caught her quickly, concern on his face. _Is she normally clumsy?_ he wondered mentally.

"I'm fine," she assured him as he steadied her. I fought the monster inside me down to a simmering presence in my head.

"Take some Tylenol for the pain," Carlisle instructed her.

"It doesn't hurt that bad." She was certainly very stubborn. I briefly entertained thoughts of why she would be so, and came up with nothing.

_She's stubborn, Edward. You'll have to work to get her to promise not to tell. _"It sounds like you were extremely lucky." Carlisle observed, smiling and signing off her medical chart.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me." Carlisle and I both saw the look in her eyes. She was digging. Bella glanced at me as she said it, but the purpose of her statement was clear – she wanted to know more.

"Oh, well, yes," Carlisle answered as smoothly as he could. _Edward, be careful with what you say. She's far too observant: she must have already noticed I didn't answer her._ He looked through the papers, and then moved on to Tyler.

I watched my father as he said, "I'm afraid you'll have to stay with us just a little bit longer." I was waiting for his directions. _Edward, I'll see you at home in a half hour. Don't go back to school for now; I don't care where you are, as long as you're there at the house at that time._

With my focus on Carlisle and trying to control my instincts, I was so focused on not paying attention to Bella's scent that she took me completely by surprise when she hissed, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" right by my side.

I was instantly aware of her scent, strong and luring me in. She was so close, I could almost feel her heart pounding, pumping her blood throughout her body. The back of my throat grew parched and dry. Venom was flowing in preparation of biting down, to taste the sweet blood.

I very nearly attacked; I was even preparing myself to, tensed and ready to pounce on her. At that moment, wherever Alice was, she was seeing me attacking Bella like the monster I was.

Monster.

That word alone, with Carlisle in the room oblivious to my lapsing self-control, let me retain a second of control and allowed me to take a step back. My jaw was clenched tight, shut with my teeth grinding together.

"Your father is waiting for you," I barely managed to reply through my teeth. The scent was making me almost lightheaded, but I was slowly overcoming it enough to get some semblance of control back.

She did not know what was wrong: how could she? Bella glanced over her shoulder to Carlisle and Tyler, before turning to me and asking again, "I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind."

Carlisle heard, of course. He was right there in the room with us. _Edward, if you can control yourself, then talk to her. You need to ask her not to reveal anything sooner or later._ I knew he was right, but I felt frustrated with him all the same: he put far too much faith in my ability to stay in control.

Unable to vent my frustration elsewhere, I glared down at Bella for an instant before turning on my heel and striding down the hall to a more secluded spot, far enough away so that no hospital staff would run into us and Carlisle wouldn't be able to hear.

As soon as I was down a short corridor, I whipped around, disregarding scaring her for the moment in my anger. How dare she ask me to explain this all to her, when I couldn't even explain my own actions to myself! "What do you want?" I felt the coldness in my eyes, could hear the sharpness in my tone.

She was intimidated; her pulse increased, her blood flowed to her cheeks, and her words came out with only a faint edge, like she was trying not to anger me. "You owe me an explanation." She may have sounded reserved, but the undertone was clear: she was serious. Her request carried steel resolve to secure and answer.

"I saved your life – I don't owe you anything." I resented this whole situation: how I had to save her, how I had to promise her something I could not do, how I could not tell her just why. How, how, how…

"You promised."

I pressed my lips together a tightly. There was only one last chance for my family and I left. "Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about."

I meant my words to hurt a little. But I did not expect her temper to ignite as quickly as mine could. Vampire emotions were essentially fine-tuned, designed to be stronger along with all the rest of the sharpened perfections of our new state. Her temper flared very quickly. "There's nothing wrong with my head."

I glared into her angered, brown eyes. "What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I want to know the truth." I could not tell her that. "I want to know why I'm lying for you." So, she wasn't going to give up on what truly happened.

But what did she think she saw? Why did she not want to give up on this? I grew angrier: she was demanding that she be told a secret about me! And not just me, my family!

My family rarely saw emotion from me, but one they saw more often than not was my anger. My temper. "What do you think happened?"

It seemed that I had hit some unknown switch. "All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me – Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both – and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it – and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all – and the van should have crushed my legs, but you were holding it up…"

I saw the beginnings of frustrated tears in her eyes. But I could only focus on what she had said.

She had seen _everything_. In the middle of an accident, a tense situation in which her life was at stake, she had noticed every single one of my actions, which I had thought too fast for any human to see. This was very bad for us.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I asked her with a perfectly portrayed amazed, disbelieving voice. It was the first idea I could come up with to act upon in light of the revelations Bella had thrown in my path.

Her jaw was tight, the muscles on her neck taught, as she nodded a single time. I could see there would be no swaying her.

"Nobody will believe that, you know." If she wanted to be out of the center of attention, she would not draw any by repeating her fantastic story. Derision seeped from every word; I was so mad at myself for lying to her because somehow, lying to her seemed intensely wrong. Especially with the promise I hoped she didn't remember.

"I'm not going to tell anybody." Her slow, precise words startled me more than anything else I had heard. She was promising not to tell anyone, but how could I trust her? She was human, and even more than that – I couldn't hear her mind to know for sure.

But if she was telling me the truth… "Then why does it matter?" If she wasn't going to tell, why did she need to know? Why would she want to know? It would be better if she didn't, if only for her own safety. If she didn't know, other vampires would be no danger to her. Especially not a specific coven…

"It matters to me. I don't like to lie - so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it." Her insistence was admirable; both in finding the truth and her need to have the truth rather than a lie.

But that was only another point of interest to me. "Can't you just thank me and get over it?" I desperately wished she would; this would make things so much easier.

"Thank you." Bella was still annoyed, and seemed to be waiting. It all showed on her face.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"No."

"In that case…" I clenched my jaw a bit tighter, trying to control my anger. Our small conversation had not ended with any resolution. "I hope you enjoy disappointment."

We stood there, staring each other down in anger. I saw the fury swirling in her eyes before it faded into – something. What? It could be frustration, but it seemed a little more like anger…

"Why did you even bother?" Her cold tone took me off balance, and what she asked made me vulnerable. Because I didn't have an answer.

I did not know why I had jumped to save her. I could tell myself that it was because I was worried I couldn't control myself if her blood had been spread on the ground in the parking lot, and I could say that it had simply been reflex to save her, but neither was the truth.

And I did not know what the truth was.

"I don't know," I whispered before turning away and walking quickly down the hallway, away from her scent and her, towards…something, far in the distance, that I wanted but didn't understand what it was, or why I wanted it.

I just knew that she had not given her solemn vow to keep our secret a secret. I also knew that as soon as I made it home, I was in considerable trouble from everyone in my family.

Our lifestyle may be at stake, and we may have to leave here sooner than we wanted to because of me. Because of Bella's irresistible scent and my mistake.

_My_ mistake.

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**A/N- Quick reminder- please review! Thank you!**


	4. Agreement

**REVISED: 10/17/07**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

_**A/N – Okay, I noticed some discrepancies between things in the book and things in this chapter, and since I was already revising all my previous chapters of 'Sunrise' (as of the date above) I decided to just change this completely. So this chapter is redone:) Quite a bit. Enjoy!

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**__**Sunrise** _

**Chapter Five: Agreement**

I was unwilling to spend any more time than absolutely necessary among humans after I walked away from Bella. The hospital was certainly not the best place for me to be hanging around, especially in such a volatile state.

The mere thought that Bella was here, separated from me only by thin, easily breakable walls prompted me to desert the premises as quickly as I could. As soon as I was out of her sight, I had started running.

Linoleum tiles slipped away under my feet and whitewashed walls became a blur. I kept my control in tight check as I bypassed several staff members and family of patients in the halls, and was soon out in front of the hospital.

My car was still in the school parking lot when I had left in the ambulance, along with Bella and Tyler. Most likely, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper had taken it home. I had no doubt that they, too, would not be in school for the remainder of the day.

Angling my body towards the woods – through which I could reach my home – I took off at a slow, human-paced jog. Stopping right in front of the hospital was rather foolish, now that I thought about it.

This was a more secluded entrance, but now I had to head into the trees instead of setting off immediately from a vampire-paced run. There was an elderly man several floors above me, his hazy mind marking clearly that I was striding off into the forest.

_I think that's one of them Cullen boys. Dr. Cullen is such a nice man. I wonder where that nurse is with my food. Is that a sparrow?_ Accompanying more similar disjointed thoughts of his was the image of myself in his mind – my hair almost a blob in his vision, moving across the ground below.

Once I reached the trees, I was headed off at a dead run. However, a part of me wanted to go much slower than I could. I wasn't exactly eager to reach home and allow my family the opportunity to begin berating me for my foolish actions this morning.

And as soon as I reached our home, I was in for it. Alice could probably see me coming right now, which eliminated my plan to stay away from home for as long as I could drag time out.

Darting easily around a tree, I winced. The possibility of me attacking Bella had been strong once again, mere moments before. There was no way she hadn't see that, either.

I hoped she hadn't told everyone, but knew that I had no feasible hope for that secret. My decision not to tell them about Bella's invulnerability to my ability was the only secret I knew of that anyone in our family had ever kept.

I felt incredibly guilty for not telling them her mind was impermeable to me, and knew it would come out eventually. Yet I hoped that I could keep it from them for a little while longer. At the very least, I hoped I would be able to through this discussion.

Suddenly, I came within range of the house. I was close enough to hear their minds from where I was. And, predictably, none of my family members were at all happy with me.

_How dare he! What was he thinking? Saving a human girl? Of all the stupid, irresponsible things he could have done, he had to do this one! And not just any human, but the one he wanted to kill just a week before! Don't use that calming influence on me, Jasper! Does he have any idea what he may have done to this family? Does he ever think about anyone in this family beside himself? He always considers Alice! And Emmett! And Esme, and Carlisle, and Jasper – but what about me? This is my life, too!_

Rosalie was by far the most venomous toward me. Emmett wasn't as harsh, but he was still furious…

_He shouldn't have done this. He knows the consequences of exposing us. If that girl, that Bella, tells, then we are going to be visited by the Volturi! What was he thinking? And what was she thinking? Is she going to tell anyone? Alice – he's almost here? Edward, I know you can hear me, then. Didn't you consider that Volturi coven Carlisle warned us about?_

I frowned to myself: how stupid was I? Forgetting what the consequences were! The Volturi, of all things not to consider as I ran to save Bella…I prayed that she was going to keep her promise and not tell our secret.

But if she didn't, then the Volturi would come down on our family. My family needed to know all they could about Bella, just in case she did end up giving something away – so we could protect ourselves.

This might mean, however, that I might have to inform them of my inability to hear her mind. I believed her promise – that she wouldn't tell anyone – but what if she was lying? I didn't actually know for certain. And I prayed that I wouldn't have to admit my mistake.

_He better get here soon, before Rosalie becomes any more infuriated. That vision Alice had just made it worse. I don't understand how he can handle being anywhere around her. And what was he thinking, what's his problem? How could he just do that? Edward, you have a lot of explaining to do, to everyone. And what about the Volturi? If they get wind of this – if it comes down to that, I'll have to figure it all out for us…_

Jasper's concurrent thoughts were expected. His connection to us, though strong, was also largely centered through Alice. He was most concerned with the future of our family, and of himself and Alice, if something undesirable happened with Bella.

_Oh, I hope that vision was not too close to the mark. She's still alive, but that was a dark moment. I shouldn't have said anything out loud: Rosalie looks furious. How could Edward just run like that, in front of everyone? He was seen: I know he was! Bella saw him! I saw that confrontation! Of course, transcribing it for all of them was probably not a good idea, but really! It's ridiculous! Carlisle is coming after him: he just got out of work – oh! Edward, if you can hear me, please, just tell us the truth. I can tell you hid something, but I don't know what it is…_

I pulled to a stop near the driveway, having pushed my way out of the trees. My car was parked right in front of the house, but my eyes went to the house as soon as I certified that it was in pristine condition. They hadn't trashed my car in revenge, apparently, but now I had to face them inside the house.

_Oh, Edward, how could you do this? Didn't you think? Please, tell me what was going through your head. I don't want you to feel too guilty, but did you not expect us to be disappointed? Angry? Hurt, at the very least? There has to be a solution to all of this. There just has to be…_

Instant guilt. Esme was disappointed: that was one thing I did not like making her feel. She was such a loving person that it was truly terrible to hurt her. If she found out that I had kept a very important secret, she would be even more disappointed in me. I was very uneager to enter the house now.

Prepping myself one last time for the mental attack that I knew was coming, I stepped quietly through the front door. Five pairs of golden eyes flew to me from different points around the room.

Alice and Jasper shared the sofa, arms around one another: Esme perched on the piano bench, hands drooping over the edge sadly. Emmett had a chair, and Rosalie was pacing in a fury. I had expected this from each of them down to the postures and expressions alight on their faces.

Rosalie's eyes narrowed and she growled low in her throat before her starting statement. It set off the tirade of verbal and mental comments as each of my family members were unable to contain themselves.

"How dare you!"

_What were you thinking?_

"What happened?"

_I saw you bite her._

"You ran four cars down!"

_You could have been seen!_

"She noticed, didn't she?"

_What did you tell her?_

"What did she think, Edward?"

_You might have ruined the life we have here!_

At a distance, I could faintly hear Carlisle's car pulling down the road to the front of our house. But similar thoughts and words came flying in a whirlwind around me, unable to be blocked, as I tried not to loose my temper.

It was incredibly hard to take what they were throwing at me. Of course, only Rosalie meant to be harsh: it was her belief that I deserved to be treated this way. Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Esme didn't mean to hurt with their words and thoughts – nevertheless, they did.

Not emotionally, of course: the best description would be 'physically', but even then it was more accurate as 'mentally'. My head was starting to hurt from the volume of their thoughts. In the excitement and high-strung emotion of the room, thoughts were louder than normal.

It was then that Carlisle entered the house almost silently through front door. I had been drawn forward from the door just a little, my face frozen as I tried not to concentrate the thoughts flying at me from every direction, in an attempt to lower the volume some.

He moved in front of me, causing my family to realize just what was happening. Murmurs of apology and mental messages reached me as my father brought the chaotic mess to a halt.

_Edward, focus your thoughts. Your hands are clenched so tightly I'm afraid you might create marks in your skin. _I instantly did as he wished.

I had kept my face blank through their shouts and disappointed remarks. Now, I felt that I had to speak, and nodded slightly to accept the nearly tearful apologies of Esme. "I know I-."

"Of course," Rosalie snapped, "perfect Edward knows exactly what he did." _He doesn't know what he could have done, or he wouldn't have done it!_

I growled at her. "Yes, I know what I did. I know it was a mistake. I know I was a stupid, irresponsible person, Rosalie."

"At least you admit it." _But that's not enough, and he knows it._

"What more do you want me to admit to, Rosalie?" I spread my arms wide while raising my shoulders in a disbelieving gesture.

"How about the reason you saved her? Let's start with that, for one!" she sneered. _Why did perfect Edward save the little human girl?_

I warily answered, "I don't know what you want me to say." What was she getting at?

Rosalie seemed to be running the show. Even Carlisle had backed away from out argument, no longer between us. I was equal her height and older than her, in one way at least, and both of us thought we were right. Thus, neither of us was backing down.

Our arguments were sparse and far between, but when they erupted, they occasionally turned violent.

She moved forward a half-step and hissed, "What were you thinking when you saved that _girl_?"_ It wouldn't have been too hard to see her die. She's an insignificant human to us._

That hit a nerve in me. I was struggling so hard to keep her alive with actual pain on my part, and now she was insignificant? And my sister was forgetting one other important fact. "Well, I don't know Rosalie. How about the fact that if she had begun bleeding I would certainly have attacked her?"

It was the excuse I had given Carlisle, and as I said it more, the more true it seemed to become, though I knew that it was only half of my reason for saving Bella. The majority of my family understood immediately what I meant and let it pass.

Rosalie was unsympathetic. "So?" she hissed._ Perfect Edward would never have done anything to the precious, vulnerable human._

Emmett spoke up from his position still behind Rosalie. None of the family had moved from behind her. "We would have restrained you." _You know we would have._

I snarled, "You of all people should know how hard that would have been."

He was hurt by my anger, but snapped back, "We would have been able to." _You doubt us?_

"No, actually," I hissed, "You know how strong the scent was. You think we wouldn't have been seen, with you trying to restrain me?"

Esme was worried and finally intervened. "You're saying that as if you would have attacked her." _But his control is so strong. He wouldn't have._

I answered without flinching. I had grown unwillingly accustomed to the fact. "It's hard enough when she is whole. If she got so much as a paper cut I would have jumped on her." Proof: Tyler Crowley's blood was so much less potent, open and bleeding, than a whole and undamaged Bella.

My mother winced. Rosalie jumped on my words, ignoring our mother's reaction in the heat of her own feelings. "You said _that_ as if you wanted to drink from her." _Does he secretly want to?_

My roar made her reply weakly likewise, more in an unconscious, shocked reaction than an actual offensive snarl. Crouching only slightly, my body instantly tensed as if to fight. I wanted to attack her for the mere thought of something that disgusted the 'human' part of me, especially about Bella.

Jasper sent a wave of calm around, knowing that this could spiral out of control if it did come to blows between my sister and I. "That is irrelevant. The point right now is whether or not she saw anything." _Did she?_

I straightened and tore my eyes away from my sister. I could sense her sneering at me as I answered dully, "She saw it all."

Emmett's eyes bugged. "All?" _All? No, please let that have been a mistake…_

I nodded in reluctant confirmation. "She saw me by my car, she felt me pull her away, she saw me hold sliding car back, and she noticed the shoulder marks in the second car as they were taking her – us – out."

Alice whispered, "But I erased those almost immediately after you were both out of there." _How could she have seen that? She was on a gurney!_ Much of my coven was having similar reactions.

"She saw it." I didn't want to think about what that meant, that she had seen my movements. But I did think it: she had noticed me while I was moving at a speed that was supposed to be too fast for any human to see.

Yet, I believed her promise. Despite my anger in the hospital, I believed that she would not tell anyone what she saw. I could hear it in her voice as she made her promise. I saw it in her eyes.

A small part of me was reluctant to admit that I believed her – the part that knew human nature. She was human, like the rest of them, and I knew that there was a possibility that she would not keep quiet. But I was exceedingly hopeful that she would, that what I had seen was real and not imaginary.

"So, you let a human girl go, when she saw everything that happened?" Jasper summed up in disbelief. _Is he insane?_

I crossed my arms. "She promised she wouldn't tell."

Carlisle intervened. "When she was in the hospital, it was evident that she had hit her head. She might come to believe on her own that she did not actually see what she saw. Or if that isn't the case, it may be that she will be too shy to step into the spotlight with a secret like this." _That is all I could tell from the brief time I saw her. I wonder what she told Edward during their conversation._

Alice confirmed it. "She made her choice not to tell anyone." _I don't see her revealing the information._ "My vision occurred right after the accident. She will keep our secret."_ She won't change her mind._ "It was almost like an unconscious decision on her part."

Jasper growled. "She might change her mind and tell someone." _The whole future can change from just one vision, and Alice knows that._

"She won't," I broke in. "She promised she wouldn't."

Rosalie snorted. "Like we're accepting a human girl's promise." _She's a human, Edward. Humans change their loyalties quickly. You know that just as well as we all do.._

I did not want to hear what Emmett thought next, but it came out of his mouth, of course. "We should deal with her."_ Before the Volturi come and do it for us._

"Deal with her?" I asked quietly, glaring at him. It was then that I realized my hands were clenched into tight fists.

He was shaken by my aggressive gaze, but clenched his jaw and replied tightly, "Get rid of her. She knows too much." _Don't give me that glare. You know that's what the law says and what will happen to her anyway._

Jasper nodded. "It would be better to act before something happened." _Why are you glaring at me? You know it's true._

Rosalie looked mollified: Esme, hesitant. Carlisle seemed very grim: he strongly disliked the idea of killing anyone, no matter what the reason was. I maintained my fury. "Why do you think that?" I hissed.

Alice appeared to agree with me. "He just saved her life – now you're suggesting he end it?" _This is ridiculous. Don't they trust him? Or her?_

"Well, the choice is to get rid of her. So, will you take her Edward, or will we?" Rosalie smirked at me, cruelly taunting the monster inside. _You can satisfy that thirst of yours and help preserve our secret at the same time. It's a two for one deal._

I snarled and took a step forward: Rosalie eagerly balanced on the balls of her feet, eager for my attack. Carlisle restrained me with one hand, placing it firmly against my chest.

My eyes were pitch-black, having faded from light gold to onyx in seconds. He said quietly, "Enough, Rosalie, Edward." _This is no way for either of you to behave. _

I backed off reluctantly, anger still flaring out from me in waves. I didn't want to let her get away with that thought, either, but I didn't want to hurt Carlisle, either. I had already been enough of a disappointment for today.

Jasper frowned and sent calm circulating gently through the room. Emmett's hand rested gently on Rosalie's shoulder. I noticed, with dismay on my sister's behalf, that Jasper stood with them. Alice and Carlisle were at my right side.

We were at a standoff, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper versus Carlisle, Alice, and I. Esme stood to the side, watching her family carefully with worried eyes.

Carlisle's voice was gruff, sharp. "This is a ridiculous way to react. We cannot kill an innocent human girl just to protect ourselves. If Edward believes we can trust her, then we should be able to. He can tell us if she decides to tell before any action on of her part is taken, and we can act then – and only then."

He was trying to pacify them, but I winced noticeably when he mentioned my skill. I could not keep the secret that I could not read her mind any more. It would be dangerous to my family if it continued without their notice.

Unfortunately, Rosalie noticed first that I reacted to Carlisle's comment. "Why did you wince, Edward? Is something wrong with little human girl's thoughts?" _Going after a little human like a monster now, are we?_

I glared at her again. "What did you say?" I growled.

"Oh, is the little pet human too important to talk about?" She smirked, and then it grew wider when she concentrated on a few images – involving Bella and me in numerous intimate poses I had all too often seen in her and Emmett's minds.

I didn't even realized I had moved, but when I found Carlisle restraining me, and Alice pulling me back, I snapped back to myself. Emmett was holding Rosalie back, while Jasper was sending strong waves of calm around the room. My angry growl slowly ebbed.

My fist had caught Rosalie hard in the stomach, and my own shoulder ached from her violent strike. She wasn't struggling as much as I was, and her lips were curled back over her teeth in triumph.

"Did I hit a nerve, brother?" she laughed a harsh, short laugh. Then she locked eyes with me. _Did I hit the truth? You don't want to read little human's thoughts because you feel that for her?_ That was accompanied with another image.

I let out another hissed snarl and tried to throw myself at her, eyes back to deathly black pits. She simply laughed, not even struggling to free herself.

"Stop it, Rose!" Alice yelled at her._ Why does she have to act like this?_

She let out another snicker as I calmed myself and stopped trying to break free. "I didn't do anything. Absolutely nothing…"_ Well, Edward? Am I right in my guess? I don't know what other reason you would want to protect your human girl…_

I ground out, through clenched teeth, "What you are thinking is not true, Rosalie." Ice and venom dripped from my voice. Esme seemed shocked at my hostility.

I didn't know why I was reacting so strongly to her accusations, but I certainly didn't appreciate her thoughts and accompanying imagery. Her mental attack was repulsive. And it was just to build up to her point, to one thing that only she seemed to have noticed.

"But really, Edward, I am curious to know why you are so against reading the human girl's mind," she continued in an almost conversational tone._ Are you sure it's not because of suppressed lust? Even a 104-year-old vampire would like to know something like that after so much time…_

I had to control myself not to retch at her thoughts. She and Emmett, always thinking of things like this…but she had pulled the problem into the limelight, even though it meant placing herself out of it.

Slowly, Alice released her hold on me. Looking down at her, I saw my sister back away slightly in curiosity. _He did flinch when Carlisle mentioned it – but why did he do that? Does it have something to do with that thing I know he's hiding? _I kept my head high, though I didn't know what to say.

"Edward? Why are you reluctant to read her mind?" Jasper asked, suspicion heavy in his tone. _There shouldn't be a problem. He doesn't enjoy reading ours all the time, but this seems different. _

This certainly was different from the usual mind-reading troubles I had. I stared determinedly away from everyone in the room, eventually focusing my eyes on the far wall above Emmett's head. "I can't," I finally admitted.

A variety of emotions seemed to soak into the room. I knew there was surprise and shock, and Rosalie's malicious pleasure was just as expected. "Oh?" Rosalie purred. _You don't want to read her thoughts? I was right?_

I clenched my jaw. "I can't read her mind."

They couldn't – didn't – believe me. Emmett growled low in his throat._ Are you joking, Edward? You can't be serious! _"It doesn't matter that you'd rather not –."

"I didn't say I did not _want_ to read her mind-." The pit of frustration began building in my stomach. Things would have been so much easier if I had just told them this in the first place. Why had I decided to keep it a secret?

"Then what's the problem?" _I don't get it._

'Obviously', I felt like hissing, 'obviously you don't understand'. I sighed heavily, trying to keep a low growl from taking complete control of my reaction. "I just told you: I can't read her mind."

"Edward, listen –." _It really doesn't matter about personal preference here. We need to know._

I snapped. My temper had a breaking point, and their disbelief was driving me mad.

"No, _you_ listen. I told you that I cannot read her mind, and it is as simple as that: I _cannot_ read her mind. I can't find it, I can't hear it, it is almost as if it is not there even though I know it has to be, because otherwise she would not be alive. _I. Can. Not. Read. Her. Mind_." I was nearly snarling at the end.

Esme barely managed a brief thought about controlling my temper before her mind was also swamped in shock at my revelation. I could see know that I certainly should not have kept this secret for so long. I had to wonder what I had really been thinking.

"But - how?" Alice gasped. _I didn't see that. How come I couldn't see that he would be unable to read her mind? _

I hung my head, slowly pulling my flash of temper under control. "I don't know why. I just know that it's like…a blank wall, as if there is absolutely nothing there and yet, something is behind the wall…even if I can't reach it." That was the best description I could come up with.

Rosalie was enraged again, latching onto a specific fear instantly after I was done. "So we're accepting the word of a human girl, whom we have no idea if she will keep her promise or not, and you cannot read her mind to warn us…tell me, how are we supposed to know we can trust her?" _Are you insane, Edward? Accepting only the word of a human? It would be one thing if you could hear her thoughts, but this…_

I stared up at her, weary of her disagreeable nature already. I could virtually feel disappointment in my parent's thoughts because I had not told them of the inability to hear Bella, and the last thing I wanted was Rosalie's reactions. "I trust what she told me, Rosalie. Don't argue the point any more."

She sneered at me. "I am going to argue the point until it's black and blue in the face, Edward." _We cannot just simply accept the word of a human girl._

I snarled again. "Why not, Rosalie? We can stand here and argue, but that's not going to make me say it's all right to go and kill her."

"Well if you won't, then I will." _What about that, Edward?_ "I will kill the human if you don't want to."

"No." Absolutely not. "I already told you that that's not an option."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes again. "So you say we can't go near her, Edward? Because you don't want her dead?" _What about you, then? You're able to go near your little pet human._

"Rosalie, that is stupid –." Alice began to say. _Of course he doesn't want her dead, but us not going near her? He never said that…_

An idea came to me then. It was one thing that I could do to ensure that Bella was safe from what my family wanted. I could tell that Emmett and Jasper agreed with Rosalie. I knew that Carlisle disapproved – but wanted only to protect his family. I knew that Alice didn't like it one bit. The last person…my eyes darted straight to Esme.

My mother gave me a short, pointed look and thought only a single direct sentence. _Do whatever you must as long as you stay with this family._ I realized that she remembered my small rebellion a few years back, and then my short trip up to Denali when I thought I couldn't handle being anywhere near Bella. All she wanted was our family to stay together.

I knew what each of them thought…so I knew what we had to do.

If I forbade my family from going near Bella, then I would have to be included in that vow. In fact, I realized, it was for the best if I was included in it. If I stayed away from Bella, then I wouldn't be tempted to drink her blood every second I was near her.

So, I interrupted Alice. "No, you cannot go near Bella, yes, because I don't want her dead. No one in this family will go near her." Rosalie huffed. _So he's telling us what to do now?_ She opened her mouth, but I cut her off.

"No, Rosalie. When I said no member of this family, I meant it."

Alice blinked at me when she grasped that. _You too?_ Then,_ I never saw this. This isn't supposed to happen!_

At that moment, I could have cared less what she thought was supposed to happen. "Yes, me too Alice," I snapped. "If we stay away from her, her mind will eventually soften her memories. Our lack of presence anywhere near her will help the memories fade faster."

"And she won't be harmed in the process," Rosalie concluded. Only then did she back off from the argument. _We won't be staying in this town forever. My life will go back to normal eventually – I swear I'll make it happen, however I can. _She was shallow and selfish as usual.

"Exactly," I answered, not referring to her self-centered thoughts.

Looking around to each of my family in turn, I was rewarded with nods and thoughts of acceptance. None of them had a problem with my demand, although they still worried that Bella would act before her recollection of events grew dim. But not a voice – or thought – was raised in protest.

Then I looked to Carlisle, waiting to hear his final decision. As leader of our coven, and my father, I would respect what he had to say. And I hoped that he would go along with my choice, for it offered a much better alternative than killing Bella.

He looked at me, hard, for a short time as he communicated to me with his mind. _Edward, you know you should have told us before that you could not read her mind._ I nodded. _I do trust you. I wish you hadn't kept something so important a secret from us. But we will still trust you. _

I had expected this from Carlisle. After being with him for so many long years, I knew what to expect from him. And I was glad and appreciative that he was not holding my decision to keep my mind-reading issues a secret against me.

_Can you do this? Stay away from her like you are asking us to do? It would be harder for you: you're the only one of us who goes near her on a daily basis._ I nodded again._ Then I will go along with this, Edward. But if this is ever put up to questioning by our family, then they deserve to let their reasons and thoughts be known._

I almost hesitated then: I didn't want anyone to contest this someday. I knew that Bella would be safe if we removed ourselves from her life right now. But at the same time, I couldn't refuse. I would not be a hypocrite, to refuse someone else his or her thoughts and opinions.

And who would really resist this decision? There was no reason to, and I knew that there couldn't be. What could possibly change in any one of my family members to lead them to interfering with this conclusion?

He then spoke aloud to the rest of our family. "I agree to this. No one is to go near Bella. If there are problems with this order, then we can call a vote. Unless that happens, this stands." Slowly, the group split off in different directions as the family meeting drew to a close.

I left to my room, making my way rapidly up the stairs and closing the door firmly behind me. My door was closed before I began to relax even the slightest bit. Thoughts ran rampant in my head, as usual.

My family was startled that I had suggested our eventual choice, and that I had fallen for it. Even though I thought I knew each of them well, I was the one surprised at the end of this discussion. I hadn't even considered that Rosalie had set a trap.

With her contrariness and self-centered thoughts, she had led me into announcing what I did off the spur of the moment. I had reacted without thinking about it, and Rosalie had guided me into agreeing with something that she had probably planned all along.

Rosalie craved the center of attention. She adored having things her way, and would stop at nothing to reach her goal. It had probably been her idea all along to get me to agree to avoid Bella – if there was one thing that threw a wrench in her perfect world it was anyone else having the attention of any member of her family.

I turned on my music and resumed my quiet pacing in my room. I was going to have to solidly ignore Bella tomorrow in Biology, and that would make it that much harder to think of her as a person, not a meal. I had no information about her other than what I had already gleaned. The image of her as a person was weak and unstable.

I tried to ignore the slight discomfort I felt when I decided that I had to ignore Bella. She was just a human girl. There was no logical explanation for that unnamed feeling.

But still, I felt it.

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_**A/N- Again, I hope you liked my rewrite! This was written with the observation of one of my reviewers that Edward probably would have been the one to decree that Bella was untouchable status to the family, so that sparked the scene change. Thanks, reviewer! You know who you are!**_


	5. Feelings

**REVISED: 12/1/07.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N- Thanks to everyone who reviewed for me! I did a little work on the last chapter because I didn't like how it turned out that much (read the author's note on it). I hope you enjoy this chapter too!**

**Also, the music I picture Edward listening to in that part of the story goes in this order. The songs kind of remind me of Bella, which is the point. :) **

**"Ray of Light" by Madonna, "Clocks" by Coldplay and "A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me" by Fall Out Boy. :) Enjoy reading!

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_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Six: Feelings**

The month following that snowy day was excruciatingly painful. Each day was just as bad as the first.

That day after the argument that ended with Rosalie's revenge, I went to school with my nerves on fire. I was prepared to ignore her all day. My mind was set on following the rule I had set down the night before.

I was determined to keep my distance from Bella, to maintain my composure, and most importantly keep my promise. I swore to keep the vow I made to my family, and to myself. I would not fail.

_Any particular reason why you're so tense, Edward?_ Jasper asked as we got out of the car at school.

Shaking my head surreptitiously, I followed my siblings up to school. My mind was on things other than their conversation, and entirely centered on the one human girl who had managed to twist my world upside down.

My main point of concern was Bella's pledge. As I pondered it over the night, I realized that she might have decided to tell someone, despite her promise that she wouldn't. I wanted desperately to believe her, not just for my family's sake, but also for hers. She was in danger, too.

And something was reminding me of all the things I had seen in human minds, and how easy it would be for her to tell and break her promise.

I wanted to trust that which I had seen in her eyes and face, but the constant reprimanding from my siblings for the past night was beginning to feed my doubt.

_Hello? Earth to Edward. Come in Edward._

"What?" I snapped my head to him, realizing to late that I had been oblivious to my surroundings.

"What had you so spacey there for a moment?" _Was he thinking about the girl?_ My brother's curiosity was getting the better of him.

"No. I was looking through minds." My lie would soon be true, so I might as well tell them now. This lying streak was making me feel a bit uncomfortable – although significantly less troubled than my rebellion streak.

My siblings let the situation drop as I proceeded to listen to the ruckus around us. Not one mind held even a modicum of information about my family and I. Bella had either kept her promise or hadn't gotten around to breaking it yet. I had to keep a careful watch…

* * *

The rest of my day was spent searching through other's minds. It was confusing at times, and annoying beyond belief. What I wouldn't give to be able to just read her mind, and know once and for all… 

However, I was pleased and surprised to note that it seemed she hadn't breathed a word. She was keeping it secret, for which I had to admit I was a bit more startled than I had let on. I had been torn between being positive that she would not tell and knowing that human nature might lead her to turn on her choice.

She kept her promise. In fact, she even tried to divert attention off of her and onto me, to try and get out of the limelight. This only added to my suspicions that she did not like being in the center of attention.

Lunch was its normal, quiet affair. The only thing different was that I resolutely kept my eyes in space and away from her. My siblings didn't speak at all, but their minds whirred around Biology. The one class Bella and I shared was coming up next period…

The thoughts were all the same; hope for my success in keeping my hunger in check, and wariness about her keeping our secret. My own mind revolved around the same topic. The lunch hour dragged on.

And then lunch was over – all too soon, it seemed, for the monster in my mind and chest was anticipating the close proximity to Bella.

I made it to the Biology classroom first, unwilling to handle walking up to her, as I would have had to if our roles were switched. I stared straight ahead to the board, trying to build my resistance to her appealing scent up.

I repeated all she had told me over and over: she moved here to let her mother go with her stepfather, she did not like wet or cold, she thought that she was an easy person to read…

The concept that I was never certain about her thoughts wasn't the least bit helpful to my resistance. My frustration was very distracting.

When she walked up to our table, I was chanted a short prayer in my head. She hadn't gone through the air vent this time. It was hard to concentrate on not attacking her as she sat, but I managed.

And then she spoke: a simple, polite phrase that she might have said any other day and not meant as something more appealing. But my eyes flicked lightening fast to her and instead of meeting her eyes, fixated on her throat.

As if it wasn't bad enough resisting without even looking at her, I had to go stare at that pale, milky white skin. She had only said, "Hello, Edward."

I managed to keep myself tightly in check, nodding only once in her direction before averting my face in a useless attempt to free myself from her scent.

It was there, close and appealing as ever. She sat down beside me, and I said nothing. After all, that was the agreement. No one was to talk to her, I reminded myself. No one was to go anywhere near her, and my proximity was simply necessity.

Only one hour a day, I reminded myself as her scent drifted over me, caught in the room in a swirling vortex of scent. One hour, then I can go back to separating myself from her completely.

That was the last verbal communication between us, and I hadn't even said anything.

The days went by long, dull and pointless. The listlessness I felt was unexplainable: I did not know my reason for feeling so useless. So tired. Days passed but seemed like weeks: weeks seemed like years.

I was now more of an introvert than ever. At first my family believed that it was the shame I felt for not telling them sooner about the impenetrability of Bella's mind, in combination with the way I had placed us all in danger.

Soon enough, they could not deny that something was definitely wrong. They tried to find out what, but even I did not know what it was that had me so confused and miserable. How could I ask for help if I didn't know what I needed help with?

I was despondent. My family spent lots of time together now, and tried to extend me a hand, but I pushed them all away. I was tired; so tired and numb. There was something missing now, and I was barely keeping myself together and in check.

I was functioning, but there was something was gone. Something important was not there in me, by me, and I could not – for the nonexistent life of me – figure out what was wrong.

The elusive answer to my problem was not clear. Rather, it was as opaque and cloudy as the Forks sky. My time that I spent solitary and alone – almost all of it – was wasted away, day by day, as I tried to figure out why I felt this way.

In my 104 years as a vampire, I had never thought I would feel alone. And that was how I felt now: alone and isolated. But why, and from whom I was separated from, I could not fathom.

I was separate from my family by choice. I knew that if the only cause of my loneliness a lack of closeness with my family, then I would have felt this way for the past years of my 'life'. I never was a truly trying and participating part of this family, except by necessity.

When I wanted to be with my family, I was. When I wanted to be by myself, I accomplished that; and in the past years of my life, it had never bothered me when I sought out solitude. But now…

I was simply uninterested in being anywhere near my family. Before, I kept to myself because I enjoyed watching over them and looking on, feeling as close as I could with my careful distance surrounding me.

Now, I did not feel like watching from a distance, and neither did I want to be part of their current exuberant discussion. My loneliness and self-induced seclusion were certainly taking their toll on me, but that didn't mean I had the effort in me to pull myself up and march down those stairs.

I might have gone down and said my piece before, but now I simply lay on my couch with music playing.

I turned the sound system to a radio station. I was not particularly interested in any of the music I had, another disturbing development to my family. Listening to the radio allowed a bit of chance to play out, and since I wasn't feeling picky about my music right now…

The first song began playing. I had enjoyed the song the last time I heard it, but now it was bothering me, tugging on the edge of my mind. It reminded me of something…

A flash of memory entered my mind. Mahogany hair spread across the pavement in front of me as I held a car up, sunlight spreading across the strands in a strangely attractive way even through the foggy clouds...her brown eyes, looking up into mine, innocent and confused…

The image caused me to leap off my couch and change the station. Maybe the new song wouldn't evoke memories of her: of Bella.

I was trying not to think about Bella, because that just increased my worry. I couldn't tell if it was concern about her telling our secret or some nameless fear regarding that quiet, shy girl. I found that thinking about her increased an internal pit that demanded I protect her – even from myself.

Lying back on the couch, I listened to the instrumental opening and beginning lyrics. When the song got to the chorus, however, I was once again reminded of Bella as a faint memory of her appeared in my mind. The first time I saw her in someone's mind, a passing glimpse…

She had been the new girl at school, someone whom I thought was like every other one of her peers. Until her scent hit me…the thirst in my throat became stronger at the memory of her scent – no. I couldn't think about that or I would lose control.

Again, I jumped up and hit the forward button on the radio control. I decided to take a leaf out of the human book and thought: third time's the charm. Please, just one more song…anything that wouldn't make me think of her.

This song seemed safer, a faster tempo. As I relaxed and listened to it, I remembered that I had seen the music video for this on the TV with Emmett once. We had laughed at the band's creative interpretation of vampires.

Vampires. There was a girl in the music video. Unwillingly, I pulled the images up in my mind and watched her: that dark brown hair fanning out around her face…and suddenly, it wasn't an unnamed actress. It was Bella.

I did not even bother with changing the channel; my famous short temper had reached its last straw. With a sharp snarl toward the machine, I flicked the off switch, accidentally indenting the machine. Planting myself on the couch, my shoulders slouching, I felt like sulking as I glared at the traitorous machine.

Its little red light blinked innocently at me.

I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and rubbed the bridge of my nose, trying to calm myself. I had little luck at first, but suddenly the tenseness lifted. Without glancing up, I knew that someone stood in the doorway.

"Thank you, Jasper," I muttered, still frustrated despite his calming influence. I was also _still_ nowhere near finding out what was wrong with me, but I had to admit that someone else's presence was most helpful – especially considering that he was an empathic, at that.

"No problem, Edward." _Something is wrong. _

I looked up to his concerned golden eyes, and I sensed Esme waiting further back in the hallway. My remaining family members stayed patiently in the living room where their discussion was on hiatus.

"No, Jasper, whatever gave you the idea that something was wrong?" I snapped, irritated, as I returned my eyes to glare at the radio and CD stereo system. Maybe I could throw it out the window and eliminate all my musical woes…

_Easy there, Edward: I'm just trying to help. _I felt another gentle push of relaxation, and didn't fight it. "You're almost always tense and moody now. It's more than a bit depressing, and I for one am being driven up the wall by this."

"No one asked you to help me." I did not want any help from anyone, but to solve this on my own. I could do it by myself; all I needed was more time.

"I want to help, Edward." _You're like family to Alice, and that means I am going to try and help any way I can. Despite what you may be thinking, I also know that if you haven't come up with a solution yet, you aren't going to alone. You need someone's help. _

I lowered my head to stare at the ground, my hands locked under my jaw. "I don't need help." I tried to hide the doubt in my voice.

"…Well, then, I guess I'll let you talk to Esme."_ You say you don't need help, but really – you just don't want it. You do need help. It always helps to talk to someone: I can't help you by myself. Manipulating emotions like this is harder – I can only keep it up for so much longer._

I didn't have to see his face to know that he was giving me an ultimatum: talk to my mother or face this without the empathic's help. "Mental warning noted, Jasper. Now leave," I commanded.

_I was already on my way out._ I tried not to feel overly guilty for dismissing him so callously, but I did: just before I was about to open my mouth and apologize, however, he sent a last thought my way. _It's all right. You don't need to feel guilty: I know you're working through something. _

No matter what he said, I knew that I had to make my apologies. He was trying to help: even though I didn't want the help, it was no excuse for my behavior.

"I'm sorry anyway, Jasper. Thank you." He didn't respond verbally: sighing, he made his way downstairs, thinking about how much I needed to work on my perception of things. I ignored him that time.

Esme quietly entered my room. I refused to look at her. _Edward, tell me what's wrong, please. _Her begging sent a knife through my non-beating heart.

"No." I didn't want to tell anyone anything. I could figure out what was happening by myself…couldn't I? Esme walked over to sit beside me on my couch, as if sensing my second-guessing. She maintained a careful distance, just on the outside my comfort zone.

"You know, those songs all seemed innocent, Edward." I knew what she was talking about - the radio songs were simply ones that were popular with people of this day and age – lyrics, faster beats and less true meaning. _Why would those songs bother you so much?_

"I just didn't want to listen to them." I knew that wasn't enough to deter Esme. She was focused on helping me, on making everything all right – like a true mother would. She was my mother: shouldn't I be able to talk to my parents about these things? Normal teenagers did. But I was a vampire…

_You didn't want to listen, or were reminded of something you don't want to think about? _I stood up and walked over to the window, the southern wall, looking out over the forest: not answering her question.

_Edward…it's okay to feel new things. Time passes for us, just like everyone else._ What was I supposed to say to that? I wasn't feeling or thinking anything new – no. That was a lie. There was something new.

My mother must have been psychic somehow. "Edward…" _Am I right? Are you trying not to think about something? You can tell me. _

The ghostly green in the fog of Forks suddenly disappeared as my mind's eye came forward. An image of Bella, imprinted in the mist, caused me to close my eyes – trying to shut her face out. But the blackness of the inside of my eyelids only served as a better canvas.

I mindlessly muttered, "It's not important." I shouldn't keep following my thoughts back to Bella. She was just a human, not significant in any way besides her unusual scent and mind. My eyes refused to open, and I was stuck looking at a snapshot of her face.

_If it's bothering you, then it is important to me. Everything that troubles you is important to me, my son. I know there is something bothering you, and I just wish you would tell me why. I don't like to see you in pain like this. It is unbearable to see you so troubled: doesn't it bother you, too?_

"No, it isn't." Liar. I was a liar. But how could I tell my mother something like this? Surely Esme wouldn't be as concerned or even remotely interested about Bella's infuriatingly invisible connection to all of this. She just wanted to solve the problem for me. But I had to solve it myself…

_It is important to me if you are being bothered by something. Whatever it is, tell me so I can help you. I need to help you, my son…_ I heard the rustling of fabric as she stood.

No…"You don't need to. No one needs to _do_ anything." I was giving away more than I wanted, but I wasn't going to tell her straight out. I just couldn't tell her straight out what was troubling me so much.

_Need_ _to, no, I don't need to help. Want to? We all want to help you, but only if you actually tell us what is troubling you so much._ She was very close to me now: if I turned my head, I would be able to see her. Doing so would erase the vision of Bella from my eyes… I opened them slowly.

I saw her reflection in the window beside me, her head turned to look at my face. There was a significant amount of worry in her eyes, and she didn't seem to notice that I only cast a single glance at her reflection before my eyes were once again locked with the fog.

Bella's face was gone, thankfully, but I didn't feel better for it. The things that were troubling me were still as strong as ever. And Esme thought to me, her words punctuated by glimpses of myself through her eyes…a wall behind my eyes, stronger than ever before…rigid composure in every movement I made…

_You don't laugh, and you didn't do that much before. You have always been my son, but the son who has no mate and feels unworthy of one. Edward, you have always been so quiet but this is so much worse than that._

_Answering questions in single words, or speaking not at all; keeping to yourself; never spending time with us, your family… Please, let me help. _There was a quality of desperation in her voice, a tone that made my resistance crumple.

I never wanted to hurt Esme: I never wanted to trouble my family. But I had been, without even realizing it. I had been hurting them all, because they persisted in thinking that I was worth their worry and love. I was just a monster, even more so with how I had treated my companions.

I wished for the knowledge of how to handle this situation. I did not know how to navigate these treacherous waters. What was the right thing to say, to ease Esme's fears? I had no solution, no answer, to the things troubling me. I could scarcely name them.

Anything I said would go straight to my siblings and Carlisle. We were vampires: they could hear every word said up here. I didn't want to let them all in on my thoughts, and my mind, but I had no choice. I couldn't keep hurting my mother. And there were no secrets in this house – except for the ones I kept.

_Edward, don't try and pretend that nothing's wrong. We both know there is._

"I'm not pretending." I was trying to figure out what to say.

"Then why won't you tell me?" _I can try my best to help. You know that I'll do anything for you. You're my son. We are family. I love you, just as I love each of your siblings. You are a part of this family._

I knew all of that and more. I knew every little thought that flew through her head. Her reassurances were dully noted, but mostly unhelpful as I tried to make myself open my mouth.

Finally, I turned to her, leaning into the corner of the wall and window. My position made me feel trapped, but I didn't mind that now. I was trapped, caught in making myself confess.

"I'm not even sure what it is that's wrong," I admitted quietly. Opening up was a difficult, new experience, but I had no choice. I had to do it for my mother.

She couldn't hide the excitement or concern on her face. Esme assumed this had to be a big deal to me, if I was actually letting someone in. "What do you know?" _Try telling me when this started. The beginning is always a good place to start._

Esme already knew the answer to that. "You know when this started." I had begun to grow into myself the day after I had to ignore Bella at school. The day after the accident…

She was very patient with me. "What does this connect to?"_ Does this involve someone, Edward?_

Pressing my lips together for a moment, I said quietly, "Someone, yes." The foreign emotions, the loneliness I had never before encountered, I could undoubtedly connect to Bella.

"Ah…" _So it is Bella Swan, isn't it? What do you feel?_

"Feel? What am I supposed to feel, Esme?" I gave her a crooked smile, half-hoping that she would give me an answer.

_It's not that easy, Edward. I can't tell you what to think any more than I can control your emotions._ "I can't tell you what I think you _should_ feel. You must tell me how you _do_ feel. About her, about this, about anything, Edward."

My gaze was drawn back out the window. What I felt around Bella was thirst for her blood. Not talking to her made me feel even worse: trapped, isolated. I was beginning to feel almost helpless around her, even as I struggled with my internal monster.

Without her mind to listen to, I had no idea what Bella saw in the world. I was frustrated beyond end that I couldn't use her thoughts to remind me that she was a living, breathing human.

And then there was something I didn't even want to consider just _naming_…

"Trapped. Frustrated. Angry. Helpless…" Levering myself out of the corner, I allowed my feet to slowly lead me back to the couch. I sat heavily, resting my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees.

Esme followed me from a foot away: I could tell she was watching me, concerned. And she could also see that I was stopping my words, trying to hold back all that I didn't want to acknowledge.

She was having none of that. _You're holding something back. I can tell._ "What aren't you mentioning?" she gently pushed. Again, I couldn't deny her.

I bowed my head as I whispered, "Anxious, but I can't tell why. And…I've never felt it before. It never mattered. But I-I think I feel…lonely." The hardest one I had to admit was that simple word, 'lonely'.

Through all my non-life with my family, I had never felt alone or as lost as I did right now. I had no idea how 'lonely' felt until I had experienced it. With no identifiable cause to this strange emotion, I was all the more frustrated.

_He thinks he's lonely? Oh, my poor baby…he didn't know what it was? _"Why do you think you feel loneliness?" Her words were gentle, but I knew how she was fighting tears that would never come. I didn't see why she was making it such a large deal in her mind, and tried to ignore those thoughts.

I shook my head. "I don't know if that's even what it is. It's like a sense of…loss. Like I had something but – I lost it. And I don't understand why." I truly didn't understand this feeling. Pulling my legs up to my chest, I leaned my head on the couch back.

"Loss?" _What is it you've…lost?_

Closing my eyes, I whispered, "I…don't know." I'd never felt so helpless, to realize that I wasn't in control of myself. I didn't have as much control as I thought I did – wouldn't I have been able to know the answer to her question if I did?

"I see…"_ I wonder…_ Esme had some kind of thought in her mind, but kept it back instead of directly thinking of it. I opened my eyes to look at her in confusion. I had never seen this method of blocking my mental intrusions before.

The odd expression on her face made me ask, "Esme? What's wrong?" She shook her head and let out a small, choked laugh.

"Nothing, Edward." _I just realized something._

I sat up. "What did you just realize?" Confusion overlaid everything else that simmered in the background.

My ability only allowed me to pick up what was going through a person's mind at that moment in time. I was unable to pry open whatever Esme was trying not to think of – and in any case, I didn't know how to control my ability in the first place. Another thing that was out of my control…

_Really, Edward, it's nothing._ "Oh, just…can you do something for me tomorrow, Edward?" Her face was composed, but I was still a bit wary as I answered. She really was trying to hide something, and I could not figure out what.

"Of course." The next words she said made the family downstairs start and their minds to whir in confusion just like mine.

"Don't ignore Bella tomorrow."

I simply stared at her. Why would she ask me not to ignore Bella? It was for both our family's sake and hers that we stay away! If we faded from her memories, then our secret would be safe and she wouldn't be in danger of harm from us if she told. "Why?" was all I could think to say.

She smiled gently down at me from where she now stood. "Do you trust me?" _Do you trust my judgment?_

"Of course." I didn't hesitate.

Esme smiled, stretching out a hand to delicately pat mine, which rested on my knee. "Then, just do this for me. Talk to her, just for a few minutes." _Please Edward: trust me._ She withdrew her hand quickly, knowing that I wasn't entirely comfortable with the contact.

I wasn't giving in that easily, however. "Esme, I don't understand. And besides which, we have a deal. All of us stay away from Bella. And she won't get hurt." That was all I wanted. Her safety was all I wanted…my family's safety, our lifestyle…

She shook her head, biting her lip to keep from smiling, and said a bit louder, "Carlisle, I request that the ban be lifted." _Now let's see who's against this decision, Edward._

Right away, he answered, "Everyone vote." _Alice, Jasper, and I…_ "Alice, Jasper and I vote to lift the ban." _That makes four to three, with the addition of Esme's vote to our side. _

Esme grinned at me. "You see?" _I wonder how Alice got Jasper on her side. I'll have to ask her about that._

Of course Alice had a vision. And of course, Jasper voted to please Alice; the couple taking opposite sides after the accident was resolved in a matter off minutes after our family had gone off to our separate areas of the house.

And of course Carlisle voted with Esme, for they had already discussed this issue earlier in the day; I saw it in their minds. Of course…

Still, I huffed and crossed my arms. "What good will talking to her do? Esme, I am not even certain what it is that's wrong; why do you think talking to her will help?" She had to have a reason. I prepared to stand as she rose to her feet.

But my mother just shook her head and placed her hand on my shoulders, keeping me on the couch. "Edward, just talk to her. Two minutes." _I'll talk to you when you get home tomorrow and you'll see why._ "Think of it as an experiment. Please, Edward. Do this for me."

I looked back down at the ground, wondering why she wanted me to talk to Bella. I saw nothing that could come out of talking to her, nothing that would help me solve why I was feeling so alone, but I trusted Esme. She was my mother. If she thought this would help…

"Okay." That was all I said. As she left, I barely noticed the slight uplift in my mood, except for Jasper's offhand thought. _He feels better now. But there's still that one thing I feel from him: it's buried underneath so much I can't tell what it is…_

Neither could I. And neither did I want to know.

* * *

**A/N- I wrote this all today, because it's Wednesday and here, Wednesdays are short days at my high school-I've been out since 12:30. So, I had a lot of time to work on this. Thanks for reading, and I absolutely love all of you who review for me and tell me how to make things better! More often than not, I go back and redo things in chapters because of your advice (cough the last chapter cough) :). So, I hope to get the next chapter done before Saturday, so if I follow through on my schedule, then you may expect the next chapter on Saturday-in the morning if I'm good and do it, or at night if I'm bad and have homework not done. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Conversation

**REVISED: 8/3/08 **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilighte series and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N- I promised I would get this up here! I swore:) I updated today, as promised!**

**Also, I sent a message to you, Daimios, right? Yeah, I did…so now you'll find out which one of your ideas I had already been planning to use here. :) I hope you like how I used it. :)**

**Also, Simona G., I didn't have the ability to write a reply to you because I wasn't allowed to send you an e-mail because of the internet access I have, but I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate what you told me. I honestly am so flattered that you though my fic was so good, because I am such a new writer. Your comments and in fact, those like yours that I have read, are making me blush as bad as Bella:) Oh, and your English is fine, perfectly understandable. Thank you for choosing to read my story!**

**That goes out to all of you, too! I can't believe how much support I am getting, because I thought my fic wasn't all that good! I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

**Oh, one more thing; the music I am listening to, on non-stop repeat, is 'Real Gone' by Sheryl Crow, and that might make a few mistakes in words spelled the same but meaning different things (sail and sale, you know:)).**

**Sunrise**

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Conversation**

An hour after my conversation with Esme, I had managed to talk myself down from the idea of saying a single word to Bella. It just wasn't a good idea.

I could control myself if I pretended she didn't exist, as I had been trying to do for the past month. It was easier to do this since I couldn't hear her thoughts, but the scent that wafted to me day after day threw that pretence to the wind.

Her scent was so strong in the classroom that it was hard for me to control myself. Simply being anywhere near her was difficult and if I followed Esme's directions to speak, then the scent of her breath would hit me, her hair swishing by her face as she looked at me…no, I could not do it.

I hadn't fed in a while now, as I foolishly tested my limits near her. I knew I would have to hunt soon, very soon, as the hunger inside of me grew stronger every time I sat beside her in that class. My control was strong, thankfully, but I still felt brittle around her, like I could loose it at any minute.

Control was a complicated thing, I mused. I had always been glad of my self-control because having power over my animalistic instincts meant that I was not a murderer. My reasons for not wanting to be a murderer were almost selfish. I didn't want to kill, and I didn't want to hear their painful last thoughts echoing in my head.

When I had gone through my brief phase without Carlisle and Esme, the humans I had taken had been evil, murderous beings who thought such twisted thoughts that I had no problem with disposing of them. It had been an actual relief to halt their sickening thoughts and had made my hunting easier.

But that was before I could not longer deny that I took so many lives. That was before I realized that the blood-red irises marked me as a killer of the worst kind, no matter what my prey was. What right did I have to play God with the lives of humans?

Not all humans were like those. Many had kind, selfless thoughts, some were wholly good-hearted, and rare breeds had absolutely no concern for themselves. Those humans were worth fighting against my inner monster for.

Bella was definitely a completely different breed of human. Hers was the only mind I had ever come across that I could not hear, and her scent so intense that I was sure there never would be anyone who smelled as sweet.

I would not go near Bella; for fear that I would hurt her if I did. I was almost positive that I did not have the strength to withstand her scent if I were to talk to her after such a long time of trying pointlessly to ignore her. And ignoring Bella was like trying to disregard the cloud cover of Forks.

Remorse hit me as I realized that I would have to break my promise to Esme. I swore I would talk to Bella, but I knew that it would serve no purpose. I knew it was the right choice. There was momentary doubt over my decision, but I knew myself better than anyone else. Even Esme's reasoning couldn't make me ignore that.

Sometimes I didn't understand Esme. I thought about her request while I looked out the window to see the sun rising behind the cloud cover. For example, her belief that we were all meant to have love in our lives was something I did not comprehend.

She thought Carlisle must have changed me too young, for I did not express any interest in finding a mate like the others all had. She didn't believe that I was content to not have one. Although with the loneliness I was feeling now, I could see that something was missing.

I knew that there was a hole that wasn't there before, and I needed something to fill it. But what was that was missing? It puzzled me a great deal to have no clue of the motivation behind the emotions, but I tried not to let it get to me.

Weaving back into Esme's worried ideas, I knew that there was one fact that I had upheld for so long that it was frustrating when Esme denied it. Simply because I was 'single', for lack of better term, that did not mean I was searching for a mate. My mother steadfastly refused to believe me.

I pulled the school bag out from where I had shoved it under the sofa, so as to be out of the way, when I heard Emmett yell up to me, "Edward! Come on, school!" _I hear you're going to go talk to a little human by the name of Bella Swan today, Edward. How's that going to be done, oh great almighty big brother? _

Moving down the stairs in moments, I strode past where he and my siblings were waiting for me. "Emmett, will you please stop the mind-jabbering and get out to the car?" I half-heartedly teased with a perfectly straight face. I was still nervous about seeing Bella today, worried that my mother would be angry with me when I came home without having had a conversation with the human girl. I didn't like hurting Esme, or making her angry…

Alice hadn't seen anything concerning Bella or I yet, and didn't think much of it. She didn't see every event if she didn't try looking for it. And even though she didn't know about my decision, it would affect what she saw. I was glad that she hadn't looked for anything yet.

I led the way to my car that morning, but the musings of my siblings irritated me the whole ride there as they wondered what I would say to Bella. What Bella would say to me… I was concerned about her response, myself, but it was far more irritating to have everyone in the car wondering about it, too.

When I stopped the car at school, I had had enough of Rosalie's venomous thoughts about the agreement being taken away and Jasper's wandering thoughts about what I might do in the same room with Bella. "Enough. Stop it, all of you. It's none of your concern and I don't appreciate all your thoughts about it."

With that, I sprang out of the car and moved off to the building for my first class, quickly for a human. My siblings knew that I was in a mood right now and decided not to follow after me. Alice's direct thought, however, trailed after me as I strode away. _Talk to her, no matter how much you dread it Edward._

Through all of my classes before lunch, I was certain that I would not talk to Bella. It would be too hard to talk to her in class when I felt such a strong urge to bite her throat and drink down that lovely warm liquid that stained her cheeks every chance it got…

Shaking my thoughts from my dark fantasies of warm blood, and the sweet scent I knew as Bella's, I faintly heard the bell ring. It was lunchtime. I made my way to the cafeteria and sat in silence with my family, stonily refusing to talk to anyone. I pointedly ignored all the voices in the cafeteria, both verbal and mental, and it became white noise in the background.

When something troubled me, I clammed up and nothing anyone in my family could say or do would change my mind until I was ready to talk. In the privacy of my mind, I repeated my mantra over and over. Mind over matter. Controlling myself being the mind part, and physical urges of hunger being the matter section of my beliefs.

Mind over matter, I repeated as I walked into Biology. Mind over matter was what I repeated every time I found my attention slipping in here: when Bella moved unexpectedly into an air draft, or shifted in her seat. I was there first today, and I was uninterested when she walked in with Mike Newton, as she did every day.

I had found myself beginning to wish she knew of his thoughts around her. Half of the thoughts he had would have been considered downright rude in the time I had grown up in, and in these times were not much better.

He had an annoyingly puppy-like affection for her, imagining himself to be completely in love just because she was new in Forks. She was someone that these boys hadn't grown up knowing, and therefore she was interesting. They all had one-track minds, the lot of them, and it was fairly disgusting to hear what they thought of Bella.

I usually tried to ignore Newton's thoughts. He always made me feel the angriest when he thought of her, and I had it marked down to how annoyingly consistent his thoughts were. As they walked in and her perched on her desk like he had begun to do, I heard his thoughts just as I heard everyone else's.

_I feel a bit guilty about turning Jessica down, but if Bella asks me, I have to be available! I can't be going to the dance with someone else if she asks me…_

There was a dance? I hadn't realized it. I tried to keep my face blank as I recalled what dancing was back when I was still alive, compared to what was considered "dancing" in this time. I wondered what Bella thought of dancing. Then I wondered what she would think of being asked by Mike Newton, and suddenly I found myself listening intently. I was…curious. That was all.

"So," Mike started. _How do I say this? I don't want to scare her off or something. Just say it, Mike!_ "Jessica asked me to the spring dance." _I can't look at her face – the floor. The floor is good to look at. So are her legs, come to think of it…_

Something was strained inside of me. I felt a red-hot emotion course through me, and right then I dearly wished I could dispose of Mike and all of his annoying and hormone-fuelled thoughts. I found myself struggling with both my thirst and this new feeling that surged through me. Of course, Mike's thoughts were nothing new or any different than those of other teenagers – but I still didn't like it. I did like the thought of anyone looking at Bella that way…because she was a nice person. And she didn't deserve to be ogled like that.

I shook my head, a bare, unnoticeable movement, and Bella replied. As she answered Mike, her tone was happy. "That's great. You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica." She seemed genuinely happy that Jessica and Mike seemed to be going to the dance together.

_She's happy? Why is she happy? I didn't think she would be glad that Jessica asked me out_. "Well…I told her I had to think about it." _Come on, Bella. Don't you realize that I want you to ask me? _

I felt angry again. There wasn't any rule that stated she had to like him, the same way he seemed to think he felt about her. In fact, I would much prefer it if she didn't like him…because he didn't deserve that affection. I found myself anxiously waiting for her reply, while simultaneously trying to figure out why I was being so protective of Bella.

"Why would you do that?" The displeasure in her voice was quite obvious, to me at least. There was something in the very back of it that made the fiery feeling inside of me grow stronger: relief. There was a bit of relief in her voice, but Mike might not have heard it.

He blushed as he looked back down, I saw out of the corner of my eye as I watched them. _She doesn't sound at all happy about that. What's wrong? I thought she would be glad I wasn't going with Jessica_. "I was wondering if…well, if you might be planning to ask me." _There. I finally said it. But what does she think?_

It was ironic how I could hear that question in his mind and know that I wanted to know the answer, too. It was especially ironic that the answer I wanted was in the head of the one person that I couldn't hear it from. I wanted to know what Bella was thinking. I wanted to know the reason why she was pausing, now, thinking…

I found myself hoping for something. What did I hope for? And why? What was to be gained from knowing her answer to Mike? Well…knowing her feelings for him, that was one answer. But why would I care? It didn't make sense – unless I was just protective of her. That same protectiveness I had felt, the first day in the cafeteria before I caught her scent…maybe it was just because she made me think her weak, and in need of protection. I wasn't quite sure how, but…

I tilted my head slightly, waiting for her answer with unexpected tension laced through me. I waited for her answer.

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes."

The relief that came with her words was surprising. I had not known that this was what I was hoping for. But I felt the red heat in me begin to dissipate once it became clear that Mike had been rejected.

Of course, Mike was the one who didn't realize this. _What? She thinks I should go with Jessica?_ "Did you already ask someone?" _I bet she asked Cullen. Of course she would be attracted to him: they all look perfect. But I'm her friend. She knows me. Doesn't she like me because she knows me?_

I was angry all over again ay Mike's naïve thoughts. Who was he to say what Bella thought? He didn't know her mind. In fact, I should have a better chance of knowing about her thoughts, being the mind-reading vampire. And of course, I couldn't.

Bella assured Mike, "No, I'm not going to the dance at all." That sparked my interest. If she wasn't going to go to the dance, then what was she going to do? Was she even going to go anywhere, or was she simply staying at home?

"Why not?" _She can do whatever it is that she wants to do on the dance day any other day! Why doesn't she want to go with me?_

I tried not to let my anger show outwardly even harder now. How I wished that he could be made to be silent right then!

I heard a tiny pause in Bella's answer before she said, "I'm going to Seattle that Saturday." That recaptured my interest. So she was going somewhere…but why was she going to Seattle? Did she just want to go there, or did she have something to get? And there was a pause before she answered – was she telling the truth? Or had it been a lie, to get Mike off her back?

"Can't you go some other weekend?" _Why don't you want to go with me?_

The anger welled up sharply at that. She didn't want to go with him, and he should have accepted it. The way I was raised dictated that a "no" meant simply that, and it was time for a gentleman to back off and leave the lady alone. Obviously, common sense and decorum had changed dramatically.

I could not wait for this class to end, simply to get away from him and this roller coaster of emotions I was on. Bella's reactions, his thoughts and their words had captured my whole-hearted attention, and caused a multitude of emotions to surge and pour through me.

Bella continued on with the conversation, without seeming to realize she was shattering the poor – irritating – boy's heart. "Sorry, no," she said. "So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer - it's rude."

Her words almost made me smile. Maybe she wasn't as oblivious to Mike's persistence to the point of annoyance as I thought she was. I had previously thought she hadn't seen his doglike devotion underneath the friend exterior since she never made a move to keep him away. The words she had just uttered told him quite plainly that they were simply friends. But he still did not understand it.

"Yeah, you're right," he mumbled as he walked off to his seat. His mind, however, whirred with thoughts. _I bet she did ask someone else, but I just don't know who it might be. Maybe Cullen, but then why don't they ever talk to one another in class? Why else would she reject me? I really thought that she liked me. _

He was either clueless or ignorant. I couldn't determine which. I pushed away my frustration with Mike Newton, as I finally looked at Bella. She sat next to me in her delicate way – a straight back, using the support of the back of her chair. And right now, she was rubbing the temples of her forehead with her fingertips as if to try and ease a headache. I briefly wondered if Mike was the headache that was bothering her.

I stared down at her, trying to futilely break into her mind with an ability I didn't even understand or know how to control. What was she thinking right now? And why _had_ she turned down Mike? Her friend Jessica had asked him, as I could tell from their conversation, but this was the same Jessica who still thought venomous thoughts about Bella on occasion.

I could not tell if Bella had wanted to go with Mike and was just saying "no" for her friend's happiness, or if she truly did not want to go with Mike. It was frustrating for me not to know. I depended on knowing everything through people's thoughts. And Bella…I couldn't hear her.

And I didn't know what she thought of her situation. Was she irritated at herself for not accepting Mike's offer? Or was she rubbing her temples because she was annoyed that Mike had asked her to the dance? I did not like being unable to decipher what was wrong, especially since it was Bella. She was a sweet girl, and I didn't like seeing her so troubled, even if I didn't know what the problem was right now.

Suddenly, she sighed and looked up. I found that I could not take my eyes away from her pale face. I tried harder to find her thoughts, trying to break that wall behind her eyes. What was she thinking right now? I failed, of course, but how I wanted to be able to hear her thoughts…

Her dark brown eyes stared up at mine, wide and startled like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. I couldn't read the expression in them. She seemed to be surprised that we were making eye contact – probably because I had tried not to even look at her for the past month. Intensifying my gaze, I tried to sort out what was passing through her head. But the effort was futile: I couldn't figure her out.

One thing, however, did stand out. There was hurt in her eyes, as she looked at me. I knew that it couldn't have been Mike Newton's proposal to her, and besides which, there was blame in her eyes. I wasn't the reason she had rejected Mike Newton – the idea was absurd – and so the pain and blame in her eyes was directed to…me. Why?

I wanted to know, so badly, why that look was in her eyes. And the only way I would know…would be if I asked her.

_Ah, here's one. The Krebs Cycle. So, who to call on? Not Mike, he won't know and I don't want to draw this out, I have a lot to cover today. Ah, Edward! He always has the right answer._ "Mr. Cullen, can you tell me what the second phase of cellular respiration is?"

"The Krebs Cycle," I answered and finally took my eyes off of Bella's. Her hands had begun to shake, and I wondered if it was in fear because of my nearly black gaze. But, no: her scent hadn't grown any stronger. While it would be better for her personal safety if Bella were afraid anywhere near me, it would only serve to make me thirstier.

She shifted her hair over her shoulder, the way she had taken to doing every class since that first day, a month ago. It was even more frustrating that I did not know if this was a reflex action or because she did not want to see me or acknowledge my presence. Or maybe it wasn't even that, but the fact that she was afraid of me.

There were endless possibilities, and I would only know the true answer when she told me. But she wouldn't tell me, because I would never ask.

But she was a temptation of another kind, now. That hurt in her eyes…I couldn't forget the emotion that I had seen. It picked at me, nudged the back of my mind with a demand: find out why she had given me that look. Figure it out. I had to ask to know…should I? I'd promised Esme…but I'd told myself it was foolish, that I wouldn't.

Throughout the rest of class, I debated whether I should talk to her or keep my distance. My resolve was beginning to fray at the edges, and I did not know what would be best to do. Should I leave her alone? Would she be safer that way?

But I had just been looking at her for a few minutes, at least. I had not had any larger urge to kill her – possibly because my eyes were firmly rooted on hers. If I tried that as I spoke to her, then there wouldn't be so much danger, as there would if my eyes happened to stray to her throat.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Students began moving about, and Bella turned her back to me as she gathered her belongings. I usually rushed to leave class and her scent. It was still – might always be – intensely strong, but I could withstand it for a few more minutes. Just for this…

My mind was made up; my resolve had changed. I made sure that no one was listening in on us, and then I said, "Bella?" Her name really was beautiful… What was I thinking? Beautiful? It was interesting and feminine, I'd grant myself that, but where had "beautiful" come from?

She distracted me from my startled musings. Turning slowly, and perhaps unwillingly, she looked at me with sharp eyes. Did she not want to talk? That would be understandable. I had ignored her, or rather tried to ignore her, for the past month. I made sure my face was blank and unrevealing, and as she looked at me, I saw distinct wariness etched on her face, around those piercing eyes.

So it was fear that made her act this way? For some reason, that hurt me. I didn't understand my own emotions… Making sure not to let the unexplainable disappointment show on my face, I watched her closely as she answered my one-word question. "What? Are you speaking to me again?" Her tone was sharp and irritable.

Not fear, then: anger. My lips twitched as I fought a sad smile, for the fact that she must not like me, personally. That thought hurt, too. "No, not really," I answered, for this was a one time conversation that Esme had asked of me. I was curious, too, which had prompted my change of heart – but I couldn't do this more than once. Could I…? I squashed the thought firmly.

She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes; her jaw was clenched tightly. I wondered what was wrong. Was she in pain? The thought of her in pain made me feel like a knife was twisting in my stomach. I didn't want to see her in pain.

After a moment, she ground out, "Then what do you want, Edward?" Her eyes remained closed, and I wondered why; did she not want to look at me? Did she feel sick? Was something else wrong? Or maybe it was anger: that would explain it more fully. Yet – why would she be angry?

But I couldn't muse on that for long. I had to tell her what I had thought of for the past hour of class. "I'm sorry. I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really." That was the best I could sum up for my apology of my actions. It wasn't fair to her that I treated her so badly for this past month, but it was mostly my choice, and partly the agreement with my family. I had been very rude to her, but it was also for her own good. She was safe, wasn't she? Alive.

Her eyes opened slowly and when she looked at me, guarded and wary, I also saw confusion. "I don't know what you mean."

Explaining as well as I could, I told her, "It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."

I was surprised to find her eyes narrowing at me. "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," she hissed, voice laden with anger. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

Now I was confused. It caught me off guard, the way she was suddenly on attack for something I had said. "Regret? Regret for what?"

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."

I couldn't do any more than stare at her, feeling hurt and if possible, betrayed. How could she think that? Did she truly believe that I had not wanted to save her? The realization that she thought this hit me hard and hurt as much as anything I had experienced.

She thought I hadn't wanted to save her life. Ridiculous! I had merely not wanted her to notice all that she had during the process of saving her, but to not save her at all? It ignited a spark inside me and grew to anger. "You think I regret saving your life?" I protected her life every single day, by denying my inner monster the pleasure of drinking her blood!

"I know you do," she snapped back at me, eyes flashing angrily.

How dare she. How dare she insinuate that I wanted her dead, when every day I tortured myself with her scent! When every day, I put my family at risk for being near her! When at that moment, I still wanted nothing more than for her to live her life despite also wanting to taste that rich blood that I could hear, pumping strongly though her heart! I kept myself from snarling, but the anger flowed freely in my voice as I told her, "You don't know anything."

She did not know what this last month had been like for me. For her, it was simply the youngest Cullen ignoring her after saving her life. For me? It was torture every day to sit beside her and not attack her for that lusciously appealing blood. She did not know anything about it!

Her head whipped around sharply, causing an intense wave of her scent to wash over me. I fought the urge of my thirst easily, but her dismissal caused me to sit there, stunned for a moment. Then I saw that she had thrown all of her things together and was striding out the door. I began moving to leave as well, and was almost behind her to leave the classroom at the speed with which I threw my belongings in my bag.

Then her clumsy luck kicked in, and she hit her foot on the doorjamb, stumbling and dropping her books. She paused, standing still for a long moment. Then she sighed and bent to pick up her books. But I moved before she even could, compelled by a strange sense of protectiveness. Maybe I just wanted to be nice to her, even after her absurd accusations.

Since there were no other humans left in the classroom and the teacher was facing the blackboard, I moved faster than normal to pick up and stack her books for her. Her scent was incredibly close to me, so I was guarded as I handed them over. Her tone was icy as she said, "Thank you."

My eyes narrowed: she was still angry. That meant she hadn't changed her mind. She still thought I wanted her dead, when all I was doing was fighting to keep her alive. "You're welcome."

She straightened and turned away quickly, her stride matching my own mood. I knew she had Gym right now, as I had memorized her schedule in my efforts to know where to go to avoid her scent trail.

I turned around and walked quickly to my next class, still fuming over what she had said to me. A few students shrunk away from my black mood. She thought I wanted her dead, I repeated in my head. How could she think that? I had ignored her, true, but that didn't mean that by ignoring her I didn't want her there!

On the contrary, I realized with a jolt. I wanted her there, a lot more than I should. But why would I feel any special significance of this human girl? She was just a human. Yet I had jumped to save her when that van was going to hurt her, thinking only, "Not Bella". I felt protective over her when Mike Newton was trying to ask her out. I wanted her to think more highly of me, instead of assuming that I wanted her dead.

It was all so confusing. The strange feelings I had when I thought about her, the way I wanted her safe and unharmed by anything, the way I made sure she was safe… I shouldn't be so attached to a human.

I knew it, my family would know it, but she did not understand even now just what I had meant when I said it was best we shouldn't be friends. She didn't understand that it was for her own safety that I had done what I had.

I was still thinking about all of it as the final bell for the day rang loudly across the campus. My belongings were in my bag and I was out the door before most other students had even realized that it was time to go.

As I passed by the buildings quickly, I overheard Eric Yorkie giving himself a pep talk. _Okay, just do it. Ask her politely. She turned down Mike, so maybe I have a chance._

I slowed down as I saw Bella approaching her truck. I was still too far away, by the office. Usually the distance wouldn't impair overhearing a conversation, but with the minds of all the students and their own voices floating in the afternoon air, plus the wind blowing her words in the opposite direction, I could not hear Bella's voice. I zeroed in on Eric's mind instead… just curious about what she would say.

_Okay, that's good. Just a hello, no big deal._

_What's up? Well, here goes. Just ask her to the dance…_

_Oh please let her say yes - girl's choice? Yeah I guess it is._

_Well that's a bit embarrassing, that it's girl's choice and I'm asking her._

_She's going to be in Seattle that day? That sounds like an excuse. She probably doesn't want to go with me._

_She said sure to maybe next time, but I saw her bite her lip. Maybe she just isn't interested. Well, at least it wasn't too embarrassing - she didn't totally shoot me down, like some girls have…_

I felt undeniable relief as Eric walked off, rejected but not depressed about it. He would be able to get over his crush on Bella sooner than Mike, that's for sure. I found that I liked him a lot more than Mike Newton, for his gentlemanly acceptance of her refusal.

I watched Bella as I neared her by the red truck. She looked befuddled, as if wondering what had just happened. The expression on her face as priceless, and I let out a low chuckle. It was just too funny, the way she looked. Did she think she was unpopular, or something like that? Far too many males in school had a crush on her.

Facing straight forward, I walked past her car quickly and made it to my own as she jumped into hers, slamming the door. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but I did know this. I could hear the thought as he wove his way through the crowds, and I knew what was coming.

Tyler Crowley was going to ask Bella to the dance. He would be her third suitor, and I wanted to see her face when he asked her. Just out of curiosity…

That was my reasoning as I pulled my own car out, blocking Bella from leaving the parking lot. I sat back and watched her out of my rearview mirror, as my family came around the corner of one of the buildings, having met up from their respective classes instead of coming straight to the car.

_What is he doing? Is he leaving us – oh, hey, why's he blocking that Bella girl? She looks mad…_

_Wow, she's angry. I think she would like to run over Edward's car if she got the chance: she's certainly mad enough…_

_What is he doing? Follow Esme's orders, fine, but you must have already talked to her! What are you doing?_

_Oh, this is too funny. Three boys asking her out in one day, and the third is impossible! Edward, listen to his thoughts. I want to know what's going to have Bella so red in the face…_

Blushing Bella? I was now more interested in whatever would happen in the car behind me. I couldn't quite explain why, but the blushes on Bella's face were absolutely lovely and I, too, wanted to see what would have Bella blushing after her talk with Tyler.

The boy approached Bella's car, and I listened to Tyler as I watched Bella's face in the rearview mirror. My music was still playing, but I didn't bother turning it off. There were still too many thoughts in the parking lot for me to be able to hear her voice as clearly as I would have liked.

_Okay, here it goes. She turned down Mike, which means I have a chance._

_I just want to ask you something while we're here. It's not about Cullen holding up the rest of us._

I saw Bella's face drain of any color as Tyler continued with his thoughts and dialogue; I was trying hard not to laugh at her dumbfounded expression.

_There, I said it; 'will you ask me to the spring dance'?_

_She's not going to be in town? That's what she told Mike. Maybe she really did mean it._

_Of course Mike said that. I thought that she might have been letting him down easy, though…_

_Well, there's still prom. I can take her to that._

As he walked away, I watched as her face grew red and her eyes widened to huge proportions. The question of her third possible date was too much for her to bear. She looked like she had just been hit by…I shuddered away from that metaphor. No, she looked like…I had just walked into the sun in front of her. Purely shocked.

Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were at the car now and sliding in, as I laughed with my eyes locked on the rearview mirror. The hilarity of the situation was not lost on me, never had been. She was a shy girl, and the attentions of three males in one day was obviously too much for her.

Alice giggled and said, "Edward, we better move. She's just decided to attempt crashing into your car." _See? You can hear her revving the engine. _I pulled away from the parking lot at my speed, still laughing lightly to myself. My face was stretched in the first grin I had had for – well, a month.

_He's smiling because of that girl? A human girl? Humans are mildly amusing, but really…_

_Wow, Edward's smiling. I haven't seen that in a while. And laughing! I never thought I would see that today, of the days that he could…_

_He's so happy right now. Was that just because of the boy asking Bella to the dance? That's really weird…_

_Edward, you know, I haven't seen you so happy in a while. I would have thought after that ending with your conversation with Bella, that you would be moody all day…_

I shot a glare at Alice in the rearview mirror, my happy mood abruptly disappearing. She blinked, grimaced, and then looked away. I returned my gaze to the road. She had reminded me of what Bella had said during our conversation, and the thought was depressing.

She thought I wanted her dead…

Jasper frowned. "You were just happy. What's with the mood swing, Edward?" _What did Alice say?_

I frowned, and shook my head. "Not right now." I didn't want to talk about it. The rest of the car trip was silent, as they respected my wishes. Of course, the thoughts continued, but thankfully they were no longer centered on me. I was glad that Jasper wasn't trying to pry at my feelings. I never talked about my feelings to anyone, except for my confession of loneliness the night before. That was a moment of weakness for me that I was not going to repeat.

Finally reaching home, I parked the car and got out without a word to anyone. The usual routine was back in place. We trooped in, glad to be home, and Esme was waiting there for us. She welcomed the rest of the family and I tried to escape up the stairs. "Edward!" she called gently. _Please, stay down here. I want to talk to you._

"I don't want to talk, Esme." I answered, still facing away from them. I wanted to go upstairs and listen to my music to drown out everyone's thoughts, and try to figure out Bella's absurd reasoning behind her accusation.

_You might not want to, but you need to_. I felt her hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I kept silent. It was not that I was being stubborn, but that I didn't know exactly what was the matter. Jasper added, "You were happy when we left school. What did you start thinking about that got you in such a bad mood?" _Did someone say something? Did Bella say something?_

Whispering, I admitted, "She thinks I want her dead." And that truly bothered me, because a part of me did want her dead. A part of me wanted to drink from her and the other wanted to prevent that at any cost. That she could pinpoint one of the twisted things I wanted from her was terrifying – and more so, that she thought all of me wanted her to be still and lifeless.

Esme gasped slightly. _What? How could she think that?_

"Because I've been ignoring her," I explained, turning around. "She thinks that I wish that the van had hit her." I saw how sarcastic I sounded when I said this, but I couldn't help it. It was what she felt and thought, and I could not change it.

_But still, that she thinks this…_ "I take it you did talk to her then?" Esme prodded, slightly subdued. I nodded slightly. "So…how did you feel when you were talking to her?"_ Not about what she said, Edward. I mean, how did you feel when you talked to her, before she said that? _

I froze at that. How had I felt when I was communicating with Bella? I hadn't noticed anything else, I thought. And I had been…content. It felt right to be talking to her, even when we had been arguing. For the first time in a month, I hadn't been feeling left out or alone, but whole.

Esme spoke again after a short, silent pause. "You felt better, didn't you?" _I knew my guess was right._

I swallowed and whispered, "Yes." It was true. I had felt so much more alive in those few minutes than I had ever felt before. Just listening to her voice had brought up so many emotions in me. But to have her words directed at me filled me with stronger emotions than I had ever before felt.

Esme patted my shoulder gently. "I think you need some alone time." _Why don't you go to your meadow? And you need to hunt, too. Your eyes are almost completely black. If you leave now, then you can be back in the morning before school._

"Yes, Esme," I whispered before I ran out of the house, my thoughts swirling around in my head. Forget about music: I needed to be completely by myself for a while. I didn't bother saying goodbye to my siblings, or listening to them as they went to Esme, asking what had just happened and what was going on.

I ran, not even getting my car but simply heading through the forest surrounding my house. Heading far out in the woods toward the territory we had marked as ours, I wasn't going to go into a hunting state of mind until I was much further away from here. And after that, I would head to my meadow to think.

Esme had been right about something when she wanted me to talk to Bella, but I still could not figure out what it was. Too much was in my mind right now, my thirst was growing, and I was confused… about so much, and I didn't know what I couldn't see.

I needed time to think.

* * *

**A/N- Ah hah! I know, I know, bad way to end but I just knew that if I continued on, this chapter would become a whole ton of pages longer because of all I want to put down. So, anyways, I hope you review and liked this chapter and I put everything else up at the top for you to read for A/N's. :) **

**Thanks for reading!**


	7. Worth

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N- This has taken a while for me to update, I know, and I am so sorry. But has anyone else out there been having difficulty with the document-submitting thing? Because let me tell you, that's what is taking me so long to update all my stories. It's fairly ridiculous that it won't take it after twenty tries, and then finally gets fixed after you've sent numerous complaints.**

**Anyway. Off with my rant and onto the story trouble I have had. My muse…ah, my muse. For those lovely authors and authoresses that have actually read the authoresses note of the last chapter, you know the deal with me replaying a song over and over on non-stop repeat until it drives my parents in-SANE. :)**

**This time, it was two songs, both by the Red Hot Chili Peppers: "Especially In Michigan" and "Hard To Concentrate". Those are relatively slow, so that's why it took a while for me to type these because I typed to the beat of the songs.**

**I remembered what Edward said after the meadow, when he had watched her that night; she asked if he had left and he said the talking came earlier so he didn't miss it. That's why he goes over to Bella's house early in this – because I don't like having Edward spend a long, angsty time in the bedroom (oh, doing New Moon in his point of view is going to kill me…). Just so you know, that's my proof for the fact that he might have gone about it this way.**

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Eight: Worth**

* * *

Running out through the forests of Forks gave me time to think about what I needed to. My realization inspired by Esme and my feelings of everything that had occurred today spurred me on as I dashed, invisible to human eyes, through the greenery.

I was surprised, very much so, of my reactions to all of Bella's admirers whom had found opportune moments to ask her to a dance – which, within all reason, she should have jumped at the chance to take.

In the eyes of the majority of the students, at least two of those boys – I sneered in my mind at the youthfulness of them – would be thought of as great catches for a dance. Yet, Bella had turned them down without a second thought.

Except, possibly, in Newton's case – she had paused when thinking of a place she was going to instead of the school dance that had gained much attention of the student body. If she wasn't going to the dance, then she wasn't going – but why had she paused when answering the place that she was headed for that day?

Was it that she thought it none of his business, and had hesitated in telling him? Or was it that she had made it up on the spot, in a desperate attempt to get his mind off of taking her to the dance?

Perhaps she had planned it in advance, but did not wish to hurt his feelings by informing him that a trip to Seattle was far more important to her than a dance she wanted to go with him to.

But if she had wanted to go with him to the dance, then why not readjust her plans to suit what she wanted? That left the idea that she hadn't wanted to go with him to the dance that the rest of the student population was currently occupied with thinking of.

Then there was good-natured Yorkie and the persistent Crowley that had me stumped as to her reactions to them. If she had already given the excuse that she was going to Seattle to Newton, she couldn't very well show up with a different person.

So, had she refused them because of that, and actually wanted to accept one of the invitations? Listening to both of them through the boy's minds as I had, I did not have a clue as to her true reactions.

If she had wanted to go with one of them, I surmised that it would have been Yorkie over Crowley. After all, I had seen her conversation with Tyler in the rearview mirror, and she had looked fed up with boys asking her to the dance – I had had to laugh at her obvious exasperation.

What I had felt was a strange thing for me to try and comprehend. It was as if I hadn't wanted those boys being anywhere near her, like she was my property that they had no right being near or even speaking to.

If anything, I had no right to think of it like that – Bella was not mine, nor would likely ever want to be. And that struck the chord of sadness in me that surprised me just as much as the unknown stirrings of that afternoon.

The possessiveness, the feeling of wanting to keep her away from them…I turned over the thought in my head, and with a sudden burst of understanding, pinpointed what I had felt when those boys had encroached on what I was feeling of as mine – jealousy.

Jealousy. I had felt resentful of their even thinking of Bella in a way other than friendship, envious of the mere thought that she might have accepted one of their offers, and even desirous of their ability to speak with her, as I had bound myself to my word that I would not speak with her for fear of her diminished safety.

Such a strange feeling, I mused. I had not even recognized it for what it was, even though it has been portrayed in many a literary, musical, or film project throughout the decades. As long as I had been alive, there have been depictions of many sensations that have passed through humankind, and never had I thought one could be so strong.

Their very nerve to ask her to a dance had inflamed this monstrous feeling in me – what would anything else they tried do to me? I had already felt protective of Bella when Jessica's insincere thoughts had been aimed toward her, though she did not know it. This was much more than simple defending instincts, by the strength of the feelings.

And then there were Esme's revelations to me. She had managed to show me, from a few sentences of exchange between Bella and I, what had been bothering and troubling me for such a long time that my family had begun to become even more worried about me – more so than they had already been for my lack of a mate.

The fact that it had been not talking to her at all which had been the matter was news to me. I had thought that, by more or less ignoring her, I might be able to deal with the temptation of her blood and the interest it instilled in me better than if I…if I did what?

If I treated her like I did all other humans, then I would have ignored her the same as I had been. If I had treated her with any special significance, it would have been more suspicious than my obliviousness to her was! It was a double-ended trap, either way barred to what I wanted.

What did I want, I now wondered. Obviously it had something to do with Bella. I had been unconsciously following her every move in my mind, and I had small observations about her that I had been attracted to, somehow – like how she always hid her face behind her hair, and walked confidently and yet with a certain delicate balance to her step, as if carrying a heavy load on weary shoulders.

The loneliness I recalled sharply, and in a burst connected it.

What had I observed in my siblings and parents whenever they were without one another? They felt lost without their others, sad – lonely. It was the same for what I felt for Bella. The realization made me stop in my tracks on the mountain range as it knocked the wind out of me, the air I didn't truly need.

Was that what I had wanted, for so long? Something more than what I was? I had always found myself enough to deal with at a time, had found no interest in being with anyone more than my family. Why had that changed now?

It was something familiar, but brought to the surface, however. Had I always felt this way, but not acknowledged it? Had I always been looking for something unconsciously and now that I had found it, saw it for what it truly was?

A companion. Someone to share my nonexistent life with.

When she did not know I could hear her, Esme pondered my feelings and mind consciously. Always aware of what I did, she worried about me, her youngest son – in a few ways, at least. A prominent thought of hers was that I was changed too early – I guessed that now she had an idea of what I felt. And was ecstatic about my being interested in another being.

For that was all it was – a type of fascination for another being. It was nothing more than that, possibly; I wasn't truly interested in her, specifically. I could be projecting my feelings on her, the loneliness a phase that I was experiencing now because of our family being so close together in this little town that I remembered from a few generations before.

I took a brief break from my musings to ensnare a bear on the hunting area I had come to. The bloodlust took over as I slaughtered it and drained it dry. Demolishing the corpse, I proceeded to another, and a fox that had the misfortune to have its scent caught as well when I still had no control over my blood need.

As I realized that I had killed it in my mindless need, I laughed hollowly as I destroyed the fur and bones that were left of the small creature. What kind of creature was I, to want to be near Isabella Swan? I was drawn inexorably to her blood, that sweet fragrance that drifted off of her in waves, and I dared want something more, even though I could not find the name for what I wanted.

Setting a fast run back to Forks, satiated as best I could be, a thought entered my mind as I passed by her house. Glancing up at the sky, I considered it; the night was still early. I could just…go by her house. Just for a little while – to observe her home life, and enforce my vision of her as a human being.

Try as I might to convince myself that those were the reasons, I still knew that inescapable curiosity was what drew me in to her house, to see her specifically.

I stopped in the shadows by her house, hidden by the trees. The small driveway was empty of any vehicle except her red truck – Chief Swan wasn't yet home. Skulking in the shadows outside, I snuck around the outside, looking through the windows and listening for her voice. After a moment, I pinpointed her location – the kitchen.

As I looked through the window, I saw her hang up the telephone, glance at the clock, and then move to the countertops. It appeared that she was making dinner for herself and Charlie.

It had been a long time since I had eaten food like a human, but I thought that she was making something with chicken in it. A pan was on the stovetop, and I sniffed carefully – the pungent scent that I identified as onions came from it.

Moving to a closer window, I looked at her face carefully, glad that I could not catch her scent too strongly, being outside. The wind blew most of what I could catch away, but still it was mouthwatering to catch just the whiffs of it that I could.

I had expected her to look calm, more relaxed than at school as she was in a home environment. But instead, I saw that her deep brown eyes had a watery look to them, her lips pressed together tightly. As I looked on, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Like she had seen me there, she instantly brushed it away on her arm, as if to pretend that it wasn't there; her frown deepened as she glared down at the meat she sliced carefully with a sharp knife.

I was puzzled; what had caused her sadness that she was thinking of now? Or were those tears from anger? I could see the crease in her forehead but not what she was mad at – unless she was frustrated with the meal she was making. Did the phone call have anything to do with it?

Did I?

The thought was dismissed instantly, of course. Why would she be thinking of me, now or any other time? Compared to her I was a demon, a monster, for wanting to take that sweet nectar she carried in her veins – a monster, a vampire that wanted to take her blood.

I watched her all though her meal preparation, starting when Chief Swan pulled into the drive. I had thought about all of her actions the time I watched her; what I had not done at school, her unfair accusation of me – my heart grew unexpectedly heavy at the remembrance of her allegation.

Their dinner conversation wasn't too large compared to families of older times – when they had all sat down and carried on a conversation of the entire day together. Despite that, I found it extremely interesting to listen to.

"Dad?" she started off, and I detected a distinct nervousness in her voice.

_This tastes wonderful; I can't believe she's such a good cook. Oh, what did she say?_ "Yeah, Bella?"

"Um, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to go to Seattle for the day a week from Saturday…it that's okay?" Now that was interesting – she had already told her suitors that she was going. Had she made it up then, was she asking now in order to make it true, or had she already planned on this and had no time yet to ask?

"Why?" _I didn't know she needed to do that. Does she need a ride out there? I might have a fishing trip that day. _

"Well, I wanted to get a few books – the library here is pretty limited-," I snorted; there was no good literature in this town's library. "-and maybe look at some clothes." Her impression on me was added onto – apparently, she liked to read. She had stated looking for books and sounded unenthusiastic about looking for clothing, unlike many teenage girls – or certain vampire sisters.

"That truck probably doesn't get very good gas mileage," Charlie commented slowly. _She might need me to take her up there. I wonder if I could deal with going on a shopping trip for a teenage girl, even one like Bella who doesn't like clothes as much as some girls her age. _

"I know, I'll stop in Montesano and Olympia – and Tacoma if I have to." She sounded like her mind was made up; as I looked at her, I saw a confidence in her that was lacking at school when I saw her. Obviously, she felt more comfortable in familiar settings.

"Are you going all by yourself?" _So many things could happen in a city of that size – and she's going to drive all the way out there, by herself? _

"Yes." I frowned to myself; I didn't like the idea of her driving out by herself either. She should always be with someone, to stay safe. Nothing should happen to her.

"Seattle is a big city – you could get lost." _What if she wants me to come with her? Would she ask?_

"Dad, Phoenix is five times the size of Seattle – and I can read a map, don't worry about it." Now I glared at her slightly, making certain I wasn't too close to the window. Was she mad, to think of going to a city by herself?

_Well, I don't know her going alone. So, I might have to give up the fishing trip for this. _"Do you want me to come with you?"

I saw something flash over her face for just the briefest moment, and she replied, "That's all right, Dad, I'll probably just be in dressing rooms all day – very boring." She was trying very hard to discourage him from coming, and again I wondered with a bit of jealousy what she was planning to do – was she really going shopping, or was that an excuse for something else?

"Oh, okay." _Well, I suppose that Phoenix was a pretty large city compared to how large Seattle is. I guess she'll be okay. But – wait, a week from Saturday is the school dance. _

Bella obviously did not guess at what was going through Charlie's head, as she said, "Thanks," and smiled – a beautiful, wide smile. I loved that smile – but why? Why was I so attracted to that? I shook it off.

"Will you be back in time for the dance?" _Won't she want to go to the school dance? I wonder if someone asked her – should I murder them or be glad for her? _If only he knew how many boys had asked her.

The twitch in her lips and crease on her forehead showed me that anger I had seen when Tyler had asked her to the dance when she was in her truck after school. "No – I don't dance, Dad."

Well, that was interesting – I liked dancing. Esme had taught me for her and Carlisle's wedding; I wondered if her reluctance for it had anything to do with her obvious balance problems.

Charlie certainly thought that was it. _Right, of course – she and I have those clumsy moments of ours. _"Oh, that's right," he ended the conversation.

After that, there wasn't much more communication between Bella and her father. She went upstairs after cleaning the dishes, while he went to watch TV. I snuck around the outside of the house when she went up the stairs.

Standing back in the trees under the cloud covered sky, I watched the upstairs and in a few moments of intent watching through the dark, humid night I saw a light flick on upstairs – her room, most likely.

Looking up to it, my eyes scanned for a place to perch, to watch without being too near her, too close to that mouthwatering scent that caused the monster inside of me to growl in hunger.

A tree stood outside her window, large and sturdy.

Scaling it in a few quick movements, I was soon crouched on the branch most level to her window and looked in carefully – I didn't want to compromise her honor if she was changing or not in anything, even though she did not know I was watching.

No one was in her room – I heard pipes gurgling, water rushing from inside, and realized that she must be in the shower, the bathroom, right then. It would be safe for me to enter.

Leaping and landing lightly outside the window, I examined pane and frame around it. There was no latch, like many old houses didn't have, and looked as if paint might have sealed it shut if not for the fact that it was broken around the edges, indicating that someone had stopped that from occurring.

Carefully placing my fingers under the edge with as little force as possible, I pushed it up – to a squealing sound that caused me to release it instantly. Glaring as it stayed stubbornly half-open, I rocked back on my heels; now what?

Oil. I would have to oil the windows to get in without making too much noise. Jumping down quietly, I made a dash to the garage and located some without much trouble. Making my way back quickly, I was in time to perch by the window again and was applying the oil quickly when a door down the hall opened.

Hearing Charlie downstairs, I knew instantly that it was Bella coming. With all the fluid motion I had as one of the soulless undead, I pushed the window down – it was mercifully silent – and swung up onto the roof.

With my enhanced senses, I could feel her moving around on the floor underneath me, her scent calling to me and once again starting up that flow of venom, the dry throat, the aching pain of hunger…I kept frozen stiff, afraid that if I moved I might dive through the wood separating me from her to reach that warm fluid pulsing through her veins.

Endless moments I spent there, crouched and coiled to spring. Agonizingly slowly, I eventually heard her pulse steadily slow, until it was a constant thump that indicated sleep. Only then did I allow myself to move.

Slinking slowly and shadowlike, I slid the window open and took a cautious step into the room, preparing myself for the scent that I knew would permeate everything in it, being her room which she spent a good amount of time in each night.

I wasn't wrong – her scent was absolutely everywhere. Leaving the window open, I made sure to stay by it as I looked toward her bed. She was lying on it, blankets over her, peaceful and calm as an angel. My sleeping angel, I thought to myself.

Sitting by the window, I finally began asking myself why I had decided to do this. It was like an impulse I had felt, to be near her for some reason that was as confusing as the jealousy had been that afternoon.

Curiosity was a part of it – but interest of what? Not just to see her home life, no, I thought to myself – but to see her. I wanted to know about her, specifically. Was that inquisitiveness a part of my loneliness when I had not spoken to her?

The loneliness I felt, which could be directed as longing for a mate, something I did not have – could I really be interested in her like that? Could I truly want her as my brothers and sisters wanted each other?

If I did, then I simply couldn't allow myself. It wasn't too hard of a thing to do, I told myself as I looked closely at her calm peaceful face – turned to the little light the moon could get through the clouds – it would certainly not be too hard to ignore her again.

The sinking feeling I felt was pushed away – it was momentary guilt, nothing more. I had spoken with her today, and that was enough. It was enough for me to have found that she thought I did not want her alive; that meant she did not think of me often. Who though of someone that they presumed had wanted nothing to do with them?

"Edward…"

My head snapped up from where my eyes had somehow focused on the ground while I wallowed in my thoughts. Was someone here – Alice, or Esme? I couldn't hear their thoughts, no one's but Charlie's. That left…

I scanned her face, trying desperately to get into her dreams. What was she dreaming, or had she woken up? No, her eyes were closed. Had she truly just said my name? The confusion, the emotions stirring inside of me caused me frustration as I searched her lovely features for a clue.

Her lips parted slightly again as she murmured, "Edward," and rolled over with a sigh.

Rocking back like I had been hit, I simply blinked at her, astonished. She had said my name n her sleep – she was dreaming of me. Yet another feeling stirred inside me, something warm and glowing like hot coals but not erupting into flames like jealousy had.

It hit me then as the coals glowed inside me; this was not something I could explain away. She certainly wasn't having a nightmare, and she was dreaming of me. This meant something – the start of something or the continuation, but whatever it was I felt a fierce attachment to her now.

I could not go back to how we had been treating each other for the past month now. That point had been passed, in fact, as soon as I had decided to come here. She was something so special to me, and not just her scent or her mind – something foreign yet familiar, strange yet reassuring, stirring and placating at once.

Stealing out of her room then even though her siren call scent beckoned me, I slid the window shut for the night. I would probably come back here tomorrow night, to see her more, but until then I was going to set something in motion.

I had to go back to my family now; Alice had undoubtedly seen what I had been up to for – I checked my wrist as I ran at a relatively slow pace – a good chunk of hours.

Wandering back home slower than normal, I decided that I would start what I had in mind tomorrow at school; we would have to be there earlier in the morning if I was to catch her, but it would be worth it somehow.

To me, it would be worth it to see her face, hear her voice…be near her. Bella.

* * *

**A/N- This took a while to write, I know, and I am glad I got it up today! Now, I hope to get the next chapter up soon but I have finals in 2 weeks, so it will take a bit of time. Don't worry though, it will be up this year (and I mean that because it's close to December, so I will get it up in December. :) )**


	8. Date

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N- This took a little while to update, I know, but I hope you like it! The never-ending loop of music for this chapter was "Death Said" by The Summer Obsession. Man, I love that band:) I got them off of the Maximum Ride website, and I bought the CD "This Is Where You Belong" on I-tunes.**

**My muse has decided to be good to me for the holiday season and gave me the plan for this chapter earlier than the last ones, although it has been a while since I updated. I rewarded it with many goldfish crackers. :)**

**I am absolutely thrilled that so many of you like this Edward's version of Twilight so much! Thanks for all of your reviews and encouragements, and I truly cannot believe how many of you are comparing this to the legendary 'The Lion and the Lamb'. I never would have thought you would think this was up to par with that! I love you all so much! Thank you for encouragement and comments and…everything!**

**This isn't really that long, and I would have gone on, but decided that maybe I should split this chapter up because I have a lot I want to include for the whole thing of Bella's aversion to blood after the Biology incident. I hope to get a few chapters up between now and the New Year!**

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Nine: Date**

* * *

When I reached home that night, I was glad none of my family thought to stop me retreating to my bedroom. I wanted a bit of time to myself before five hours was up and we would head to school. 

Mostly I lay back on my couch as I ran through two CD's on my music player. Occasionally, I would get up but only to change the CD once I was bored with the music I had playing.

The anxiety to reach Bella, hear her speak to me, directly, was excruciating. I wanted so badly to hear what she thought through her interactions with me and others, to know this mind that I could not hear otherwise.

I had to talk to her tomorrow, was the only thing decided that night. It was a draw, a need that I felt so strongly it was unavoidable. The lure that she had set up for me after I heard her say my name that night was dangling in front of me, taunting.

She was so interesting to think about, really. Her mind was blank and that alone piqued my curiosity, but then her scent hit.

The wonderful fragrance that drifted off of her like soft clouds, and teased me unmercifully as I held back from drinking it in any other way than through my nose.

When the dawn finally broke, I had to remind myself that I still had a few hours until school actually started. Nevertheless, I was prepared to go in a few short seconds and paced my floor restlessly, not wanting to wait any longer even thought I knew I should.

_Edward, relax. We'll get there long before her and you'll talk to her with no problems. _Leave it to Alice to know exactly what was making me anxious before Jasper.

"Yes, Alice, I know," I said through the wall – or rather, floor – where she was getting ready herself. "Did you already tell them?"

_Of course, the moment I got the vision._ She called it from her memories and went through it again so I could see it:

_I was sitting on Bella's windowsill, my face sad and brooding. My eyes were focused on the ground… "Edward…" My head snapped up and my golden eyes stared at Bella's sleeping figure. _

_Her lips parted slightly again as she murmured, "Edward," and rolled over with a sigh. I looked like I had been hit with a truck, and then I was sliding out the window, closing it silently behind me._

Alice giggled below me, before saying loudly, "She dreams about you." _Oh, it's so cute!_

I growled at the floor. She could have thought what she said instead of actually saying it. "Thank you, Alice."

More giggling. _You're welcome!_

Emmett snorted from his room as I said 'thank you'. "Cute? I would have thought he was a creepy stalker!" _Never pictured you the type to sneak into a girl's room and watch her sleep, Eddie. _

"Don't-." was all I managed to snarl toward the floor in Emmett's direction in reference to 'Eddie' but I was interrupted again.

"It's insane," Rosalie snorted; likely from the same room as Emmett. _I can't believe Carlisle lifted the ban on being near the human. _

"Ros-." And then Esme cut me off.

"Oh, I think it's so sweet," she gushed from the ground floor, where she and Carlisle were sitting on the couches. _Finally, Edward has found something in someone he wants. He wasn't too young when he was changed, thank goodness. _

"Sweet, perhaps, but I have to agree with Emmett a little," Carlisle allowed. _Although, as long as she isn't hurt, I only see him seeming slightly stalker-esque if he does that. _

"It's-." I started.

"Oh, Carlisle, Emmett, it's not creepy! After all, she's the one dreaming about him." Alice laughed again. _How romantic, she thinks of him even when asleep. _

Emmett let out a snort. "Yeah, she does dream about him." _I wonder what she dreams. Hey, Eddie, were there any moans accompanying your name? _

That was the final straw. I had been staring at the floor in various spots according to their positions in the house below me on instinct, as I liked to look at whoever was thinking things at me.

But now I leapt toward the corner where Emmett was with a mighty crash against the floor, my roar echoing out.

They fell silent. I hit the floor with my foot again and snarled, "Emmett!"

He merely chuckled. "Yes, Edward?" _Aw, is little Eddie having a temper tantrum about big ol' Emmett's nasty thoughts?_

Turning to the door, I prepared to run out of my room to defend Bella's honor; however, Jasper was standing outside my room and I was instantly anger-free. "Emmett?" he called, smiling at me innocently. _Don't kill Emmett, Edward; Rosalie would kill you. _

"Yeah?" _Why is he up there? I was teasing Eddie about the likelihood that Bella's having naughty dreams about him!_

I tried to leap back through the door as he insinuated that again. Jasper held me back as I tried to get to the stairs, snarling. "Emmett, whatever you're thinking at him, he really seems ready to tear you to shreds." _Edward, you know that he's likely teasing you. _

Rolling my eyes at him as I stopped snarling under his calming influence, I muttered sarcastically, "No, really?"

"Fine, fine, I'll quiet teasing Eddie," I snarled low "about his little pet human." _Even though teasing you about your human was fun, Edward. _

I was glad that Emmett knew when to draw the line with his incessant joking, and stopped trying to get down the stairs to rip him to shreds.

But then he proved that he really didn't have that much of a brain left after his change.

"I mean, really, would it be so absolutely god-awful if his little human was having naughty dreams about our dear Eddie?" _Haha, gotcha, Eddie! _

Multiple snorts sounded from around the house – Jasper included – and I had had enough. With an earth-shaking growl, I leapt out of Jasper's grasp and flew down the stairs, thudding my feet intentionally.

_Oops. I guess I pushed him a bit too far…_ Emmett and Rosalie's door opened and he ran out as I neared. He attempted running out the downstairs door, but I caught him before he reached the handle.

With a quick move, I had him pinned and snarled, "Take it back." He was unable to move; I could feel Jasper trying to calm me down, but the family was laughing too much and he kept mixing up taking away my anger and shielding himself from the humor they felt.

"All right, all right," Emmett grumbled, even as he tried to stop laughing. _Whoa, Edward, protective much?_

"Hardly," I drawled as I let him go and got to my own feet. "You were simply being a nuisance."

He eyed me carefully as he crossed his arms, apparently sulking about having been unable to get away. But I heard his head: _Wow, that's one of the first times I've seen Edward smiling without seeming to have any solid reason. _

Much of my family was thinking the very same thing; I ran up the stairs to grab my backpack and came down in seconds later, whatever smile they saw now gone underneath my carefully blank face. "Well, I'll go now so if you want a ride in my car, hurry up."

Without waiting for an answer, I ran out to my Volvo, making one tiny mistake; I slid straight into the seat without taking a quick glance over it to check the car like I usually did.

Confusion rang out of their heads and I sighed grumpily, mad at myself for giving them another reason to think.

Thankfully, they kept quiet when they got to my car a few minutes later: I pulled it out of neutral, too late realizing that the tune playing was uncommonly sunny and cheerful in comparison to my usual slightly dreary music.

Alice was bouncing in her seat the whole way to school, Jasper trying to calm her down unsuccessfully while trying to get Rosalie to stop her anger; Emmett simply watched me carefully, a bit shaken by my happier mood today.

When I pulled into the parking spot at school, the campus still mostly uncluttered by students, I stayed seated instead of getting out with the family. As one, they each took a glance at me and then shrugged and walked away, telling me they'd see me at lunch.

Reclining in my seat with the music flowing swiftly around me, I watched carefully for the red truck to pull into the lot. When it did, I saw her eyes flash toward it, and then she purposefully parked as far away as she could.

Before, I would have been a bit saddened by her actions, but now my curiosity was hit again. Was she trying to avoid me in embarrassment, since she had dreamed of me the night before?

Even if she didn't know that I had heard her, I knew that if she had developed feelings for me then she would probably avoid me on principle of embarrassment.

I got out of my car and quickly made my way toward her. Making it in a few seconds and knowing no one had seen me, I watched her climb out of her car from a few feet away.

Her scent didn't slam into me all at once, but it was immediately caught and venom filled my mouth; I swallowed for more than one reason, however.

She didn't make it all the way out of her cab before the keys fell into a puddle at her feet. Deciding that it would be a good idea to announce my presence, I moved forward before she could and picked them up.

Bella jerked upright in surprise as I leaned casually against her truck, knowing that if I had a heartbeat it would be pounding at the proximity my motions had brought me to her.

"How do you do that?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice; but her eyes were widened, pupils dilated the tiniest bit, making her seem amazed.

"Do what?" I asked quietly. A vampire's voice was muted slightly in comparison to humans; if they couldn't hear us that well, then they leaned in. All the better to bite them.

But making our voices extremely fast took almost no effort, either, and I knew that our laughter – at least that of my family's – could be very loud.

I dropped the key into her outstretched palm. "Appear out of thin air," she replied.

She had noticed I hadn't been here when she parked, of course; but had she seen me move a tiny bit too fast for humans to see?

I knew that no one had seen me, of course, by listening to minds – but I did not know if she had been looking up. "Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant."

On the contrary, I remedied silently. You are far too observant, Bella. The name flowed as easily off my tongue as it did in my mind, I mused. I liked her name far too much: Bella.

Her beautiful features became a cross scowl as she glared directly into my eyes. She looked away seeming a bit dazed – most likely because of said eyes having vampiric ability to do that to our prey if we desired it.

"Why the traffic jam last night?" she said, sounding a bit cross still. "I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

I felt a pang as I saw she still must think I regretted saving her life; how could she think that? I let it slip by this time, knowing we would discuss it later.

I covered it up by shooting back, "That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." I laughed.

"You…" Seeming at loss for words, her cheeks gained small red spots of anger and I continued laughing.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist," I added. Far from that; it was nearly impossible to pretend Bella wasn't there, since her scent constantly was present, distracting me as I struggled with control.

Then she said the hard-to-forgive comment again. "So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

I clenched my jaw together, anger coming up swiftly as the humor I felt with her obvious anger at me and Tyler disintegrated. It was hard to fight for control when I was angry, but I managed it and said coldly, "Bella, you are utterly absurd."

It was absurd that she should think I wanted her dead because of the van: it was far harder to deal with the monster raging inside me to kill her than to keep her out of the path of a dangerous motor vehicle. And she didn't know what fighting that monster was like, at all.

Her response surprised me, as always with Bella. She turned around and walked away from me, heading toward the school. Her feet swished angrily through the water that lay in puddles on the ground.

Pausing for a moment to gain control of my anger, I knew that I had made her angry in turn. I would have to apologize to her. "Wait," I called out to her before moving forward through the dripping rain after her.

Catching up with her angry march was easy as I let the anger go. "I'm sorry, that was rude," I began, meaning my reaction to what she thought – after all, a part of me did, in fact, want her dead. "I'm not saying it isn't true, but it was rude to say it anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone?" she grumbled, apparently silently accepting my apology.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," I replied, laughing at her grumpiness while I felt anxious for what I was going to ask her. The idea had come to mind after my thinking that night, and I found myself as anxious as any other teenage boy would be.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" Her tone was sharp, but I saw something in her eyes, a slight blush on her cheeks, that spoke of some kind of nervousness she had.

"You're doing it again," I told her quietly, trying to hold in the humor and anxiety that swum through me.

"Fine then," she sighed. "What do you want to ask?"

As I prepared to ask her what I had begun to think of, I recalled again that if I were a human my heart would be pounding from this. Asking a girl to go on a date was something I had never done before, even while I was still human.

Alice must be jumping in joy by now; a quick search for her mind revealed that she indeed was waiting anxiously for me to hurry up and ask her already; Jasper was snickering.

Emmett rubbed his hands in glee, thinking I was strange but preparing to tease mercilessly about my asking a girl to go out for the first time...ever.

Rosalie was, predictably, furious; I shoved them out of my mind for the moment.

With forced casualness, I asked, "I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know, the day of the spring dance-." I couldn't help but tease her as I tried to overcome the tightening nerves in me, to get a rise out of her and see that lovely red on her cheeks again.

She followed expectations this time; whirling to face me with two darkening spots on her cheeks, she snapped, "Are you trying to be _funny_?"

Something unexpected did happen, however; as the rain splashed lightly onto her upturned face, her scent, so captivating and appealing, became intense. More than before, her aroma combined with water made it all the more appealing.

With the control I was already exerting, I was pleased to find that I was able to keep control of myself; amused to no end at her flustered anger, I replied, "Will you please allow me to finish?"

Her eyes scanned mine while she took one of her delicate lips between her teeth; fingers intertwining together, she clasped her hands and appeared to be patiently waiting for me to go on.

Pleased, I continued at a relatively normal pace to try and mask the hopeful nervousness I felt. "I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She obviously had not expected this question; her eyes widened and her jaw dropped slightly in shock. "What?" she said, seeming slightly dazed – but now in the same way as meeting my eyes directly did to her.

Asking her out again was a bit excruciating, although I managed. "Do you want a ride to Seattle?"

"With who?" Almost staring at her in astonishment, I wondered mentally if she was really clueless or was trying not to appear as if she knew what was going one.

"Myself, obviously," I replied slowly; maybe she was less intelligent than I thought. But no, that was a cruel thing to think – she must be surprised, that was it. After all, her 'friend' Jessica had told her I did not date, really – so why was I asking her, then?

I didn't really know that answer, either. Something about her intrigued me, and after hearing her say my name the night before, I knew that I was interesting to her as well. This was still a large step for me to take, however, according to my family.

They thought I was the lone one because I wanted to be; the truth was that I did think that was what I wanted, but after I had met Bella Swan that first day in Biology, I saw that it was not really what I wanted.

I wanted something but I didn't know how to get it, and with Bella I was finding a chance for it.

She seemed to not understand that, of course – how could she? She did not know what my 'life' was like. "_Why_?" was the only thing she could say at the moment, blinking slowly up at me in stunned disbelief.

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks," which was true – I needed more music to listen to, "and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." Also true. The metal monstrosity was not only a death trap in a few instances, but noisy, slow, and hideous.

"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern," she sniffed – attached to that truck already? I thought. The creation would eventually stop working, she had to know that, and most likely sooner than later.

Bella turned and began walking away from me for the second time, but I pursued her again. "But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I asked, smug in the knowledge that it wouldn't.

"I don't see how that is any of your business." The crease in her forehead appeared again, and I randomly wondered what she was thinking.

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business," I teased her again, knowing this time that she couldn't readily say anything in her defense of the truck – if it could be called a truck.

We neared the roof overhang of the cafeteria and I watched her pretty face carefully. She sighed, "Honestly, Edward," and I felt thrilled at her saying my name again.

Third time, I thought, that's the third time she has said my name. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend." I heard sadness in her tone.

I did not want her to be sad; such a beautiful creature should not be sad. But I knew that I had reasons for my caution, although she did not know them. "I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be," I clarified gently.

"Oh, thanks, now that's _all_ cleared up," she said, heavily laden with sarcasm. We had paused under the cafeteria roof now, the rain falling with gentle pats on the ground. I looked down at her, so small, weak…luscious.

Her brown eyes brought me back from the start of a dangerous path of thought for me to travel on. Hesitating with my words, being careful not to give anything away, I told her, "It would be more…_prudent_ for you not to be my friend."

That wasn't much of an explanation, but it would have to do for now. Knowing that my eyes would be lighted with the intensity I felt – that was another common vampiric trait – I uttered, "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

Her eyes widened and the sound of her breathing became shallow. I tried to lift her thoughts from her eyes, her facial expression, as I asked quietly, "Will you go with me to Seattle?"

Waiting anxiously for a response had never been so excruciating. But I held my breath, even though I had no need of it, and ignored – or attempted to ignore – the scent that wafted around me.

Her head movement was seen in slow motion through me eyes – a steady nod, only twice but enough to inspire a thrill of joy to zap through me.

I allowed myself to smile and breath again – and her scent returned full-force. That reminded me what a danger I was to her, how much of a monster I could be to her, an innocent young girl.

With a final warning – "You really _should _stay away from me," – I realized as well that we had to get to our first classes. "I'll see you in class," I finished up, and backed away from that hideously appealing draw of smell.

I turned and walked back the way we had taken, remembering that I had left my bag in my Volvo. Plenty of time lay between the start of class and I, because I could move a lot faster than these humans. They would never know if I ran.

A small grin tugged at the corner of my lips as I walked back to my Volvo, and I felt light – lighter than I had all night.

I wondered how Bella's accepting my date request could have made me so happy, but I chose not to dwell on that for the moment. I had time to think later.

I nearly turned around and went to class without my bag when I saw three members of my family waiting by my car for my in the rain, but I knew that if not now, then later they would be asking me questions.

Focusing on Alice, I heard, _Edward, I knew she would say yes! I knew it! Oh, my brother finally has his first date! You have to have something new to wear. _

Emmett looked directly at me. _Rose isn't too happy, you know. I'm not sure what you're thinking, really, but I have to say I think this might be the first time I've seen you smiling for so long. _

_Something came up with school, Edward._ Jasper was warning me.

I walked up with a slight frown. "What did you hear, Jasper?"

He glanced around us quickly – no one was outside in the rain right now. "I heard something from your Biology teacher when we were walking by. That's part of the reason we came back." _Not just so Alice could gush over your date._

"What did you hear?" My frown grew deeper: not Biology! The one class I had with Bella. Maybe it wouldn't be too much of a problem. I might be able to handle whatever it was that had them here to warn me.

"They're doing blood testing." Emmett said quietly. _Blood testing, as in prick your finger with the needle and smear it on a piece of paper. Open wounds. Bleeding._

"And Bella is going to be in there," Alice said softly. _I saw her in the classroom. I'm sorry, this is the only time you would see her today, Edward, after this morning._

A scowl on my face, I only half-listened to her. I knew now that this wasn't something I could ignore. Her blood, open and flowing from a wound in a classroom of others doing the same? There was no way I would be able to control myself. None.

So I could not go to Biology today. That was unfortunate and my heart sank, for I would not see Bella any other time today. I lifted my bag out of the car, still thinking sadly on how I wouldn't see her the rest of the day. Not at all….

"Lunch," I murmured quietly.

Emmett misinterpreted what I said. "Whoa, hey Edward, I thought you weren't trying to think of her as a meal?" _And lunch? You do know that sounds slightly twisted, especially coming from the one who sat in her bedroom last night watching her?_

I scowled harder and socked his arm. "No, I'm not thinking of her _as_ lunch. I'm thinking of her _at_ lunch. In the cafeteria."

Alice beamed. "Oh, a lunch date!" _How adorable!_

Rolling my eyes I muttered, "Yes, Alice, adorable. Exactly what I was going for, really." She frowned and whacked my arm as we headed up to the school.

"Well, are you going to ask her between classes or something?" Jasper said calmly. _Or are you going to wait for lunchtime to come?_

"Wait until lunch," I answered absently. That would work well; all I had to do was sit apart from my family and she would notice, either through one of her friends gossip in the lunch line or through her own observance.

My siblings headed off to their classes and I did as well, going to another building then they. I had a few minutes before class would start, and I had time to plan out a bit of what I would say to her, in response to Alice's parting thought.

* * *

**A/N – I know this isn't too long of a chapter, and I will be working more on the next one soon. The only problem happens to be that this is finals week at my high school. GAH! I'm swamped, but I have also found that by writing a little each night on whatever happens to strike my fancy helps me release stress.**

**This whole chapter was written on the stress of studying for my Biology (test), Geometry (test), and German 1 (test) (that means not including my Health, English, and P.E. things, which are a project, a writing assignment, and an 8 minute run, respectively) finals. That's what I get for being in the I.B. program….**

**But anyways, the next chapter of this shall be written during the week and possibly into the weekend. My goal is to have it released by next Sunday! You have permission to hunt me down if I do not fulfill my oath to attempt to release chapter ten by 12/17. Thanks so much! Review now for me, please!**


	9. Predictable

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**_Sunrise _**

**Chapter Ten: Predictable**

* * *

The school day progressed in a relatively slow fashion after that morning question to Bella, and the talk I had with Alice and Emmett. I was anxious for lunch to come so I would be able to see Bella again.

One part of me was exuberant in anticipation of going to Seattle with Bella, of being able to spend a day with her – knowing more about her and learning more about this unusual human was a promise to myself that I meant to fulfill.

But the other part was filled with fear – for her and of myself. I was terrified that I would hurt her, that I would loose control of myself and kill her. In that way, I was also scared for her, for her safety.

The mere thought that I would hurt her was painful to think of. Resisting as I was, it would also be unforgivable for me to hurt her after being so contrary to my vampiric nature for so long as I had.

The delicate balance in my mind between what I knew to be right, what she deserved, was undermined by my selfish need to be near her, to speak to her, and to know more about her than I really should.

After all, how is it safe for a human to be around a vampire, never mind the fact that her blood scent drew me especially: like a shark to blood-drenched waters. Worse, because I could trap her in ways that no other creature could.

I had had to warn her against me, plant the seed of suspicion in her mind, as I left from her appealing, luscious fragrance. Even though she did not seem to notice how I was attracted to her, I needed to try and get her to see that she should not be near me.

I was a danger to her that she had no conceivable idea of. She would never fully understand exactly how dangerous I was to her, and had been last week when I had first caught her scent.

There was plenty of time to think all of this as I circulated through my classes that morning, waiting for the bell to ring to release the hordes of students to the cafeteria for food.

When that time came, the loud clang of the bell was accompanied by the frantic footsteps of the student body and the thoughts that went along with them. Sometimes I got lost in the minds of humans, caught up in their trivial dramas of life so as to try and regain some type of humanity.

It never worked; I was an inhuman creature, no matter what I attempted to do. But still, listening in on human thoughts kept my family a step ahead of any danger we could be put in by a curious human – curious like Bella.

This time, I blocked them as effectively as I could and sought out my path to the lunchroom. Humans moved out of the way for my instinctively, their hidden basic senses telling them to move away from the vampire that walked amongst them.

Pausing for a brief moment inside the doorway, I considered going to my family's usual table to eat. Then I realized that the presence of all five of us would be very intimidating to a human, even if she weren't like all of the rest of the flock.

Despite the fact that I knew it would be safer for her to be nowhere near me or any of my family, my main reasoning for not wanting her to be uncomfortable was derived from that same base want to keep her happy: the same feeling that I still could not name.

Skipping over the lunch line, I made my way to a table that was across the room from the usual one I sat at. One day without a lunch would not be too suspicious – after all, we never ate in the lunchroom anyway.

Sitting alone, I watched without interest as the room gradually became filled with beating hearts and gurgling stomachs. Bella would take a short while to get into the room – I had watched her for a while without her knowledge – and I waited for her.

Moving alone, nearly silent and aloof to the general human populace, my brothers and sisters traveled gracefully down the line and then to their table. They didn't glance towards me once – but they knew where I sat.

The gossiping minds of the student body wondered why I had chosen to sit alone – whether I had had a fight with my family or some other such thing. I ignored them; they weren't at all imaginative, and I was still searching for Bella.

Listening to my family as my eyes scanned the entranceways to watch for Bella, I took in what the key beings that made up most of my non-existence thought, both to themselves and to me.

Jasper was monitoring the family and not thinking of much else except that Rosalie was fuming, Emmett was incredulous, and Alice seemed to be exceedingly happy about the proceedings of things.

It was obvious to me that Rosalie would be extremely unhappy with the way things were going; she didn't want an outsider in on our family secrets. But Alice's happiness confused me even though I could hear her mind.

It wasn't as if she was thinking the exact reason for her exuberance. She was just – happy. Herself. It amazed me at times how she could be so jubilant about things when she was as confused or angry as the rest of us.

I decided to put her joy out of my mind for the moment, still searching for the interesting human girl to come through the doorway. And the exact moment she came in, I knew it.

Even though I could not catch her scent in this room, I knew as she walked in with her apparent friend, Jessica Stanley. The murderous thoughts that Jessica was still thinking made me, once again, want to jump between the two for Bella's protection.

Jessica's mind had gradually become less venomous over the course of the last few weeks as she got to know Bella more, but after Mike's hesitance in accepting her as a date to the dance, she had begun once again to gossip about Bella behind her back with Lauren Mallory.

The protectiveness I felt over her during those times when I heard in the girls' minds all the things being said about her was paralleled to any rage I had gone into before. I wanted to defend her, but I couldn't do much of anything, having never been in the right place to put a stop to it at the time.

Bella glanced straight to the table I usually ate at with my family – and her shoulders sagged. She turned around and went into the lunch line with Jessica, taking only a bottle of lemonade.

My forehead creased slightly as I observed her from a distance for what might have been the first time – the first time I could actually look up and see her, that is. Before, as I sat with my family, I had surreptitiously watched her without realizing it but now, I could freely look.

Her delicate shoulders were outlined in the long-sleeved shirt she wore, which an open black raincoat was layered on top of. Unlike many of the females of this day and age, she did not have those disturbingly tight pants on but instead a pair of jeans that were almost new.

And likewise, the rainboots she had on were definitely not worn as much as they should have if she had lived in Forks for a long while. The boots were flat, non-heeled, but she definitely walked uncomfortably in them.

Because she came from Phoenix, I knew that she would not have had clothing like we had to wear here, in rainy, cold, and cloudy Forks. Still, the obvious newness of her clothing made her stand out more so here than she already did.

The black of the coat she wore made her pale, transparent skin stand out more so than it already did; her dark mahogany hair, length that went a good six inches past her shoulders, was pulled up into a ponytail. I saw that her dark, expressive eyes were sad as she walked through the line with Jessica.

_She has to be anorexic – there's no way she can stay so thin otherwise. Besides, look at that; only buying a lemonade bottle. Ha, she probably thinks she needs to loose weight. I hate people like that, like her. _Venom equal to my own spewed from Jessica without warning.

She rolled her eyes behind Bella's back and glanced around the cafeteria for herself. _She looked at the Cullen table first, of course – wait, Edward Cullen isn't there. Where is he? Over there? But why is he sitting alone? And staring at HER again? _

The way she blurted out, "Edward Cullen is staring at you again," suggested that she hadn't thought it out before stating it. But I was grateful that she noticed.

I had forgotten that I would have to have Bella actually see me in order to know that I was waiting for her. Mentally hitting myself for forgetting, I allowed myself to smile as I heard Jessica continue, "I wonder why he's sitting alone today."

Bella's head snapped up at that moment, and she followed Jessica's gaze straight to my own. My lips were curled into a small smile before her eyes managed to make their way to meeting mine and I kept the grin in place as her eyes widened at the sight of me.

Raising one hand, I motioned with a single finger for her to come forward. A multitude of emotions flew across her face – shock, surprise, and disbelief – before settling on definite interest. I thought; I couldn't be precisely certain about what her feelings were from her face without hearing her mind, and that wasn't accessible to me.

As she simply stared at me, I had to smile wider; she certainly looked very adorable with her eyes so wide and uncertain. Winking at her, I waited on a tentative, anxious moment to see what she would do.

I had no idea why I was so pleased that she was embarrassed and confused about whether I meant her or not, but I did know that I wanted her to come over and sit with me. This plan had popped into my mind out of nowhere, the idea that if I couldn't be with her in class, and then I would be with her before it.

The thought of her looking nice, cute even was another foreign concept to me. Why I kept feeling this way was a new thing to feel and be; the emotions that swirled in me now, as I waited for her to do something, anything, was odd in it's own right.

In all practicality, I should not feel anything other than neutrality towards Bella Swan. She was a human, something that I was designed to eat. But, at the same time, I was curious to know her in ways other than a strange human that I had to resist as a meal.

"Does he mean _you_?" Jessica Stanley asked incredulously. _How can he show interest in her too? I tried for so long to get his attention and I never did! The only good things that come out of this are that I can get a chance with Mike, if he gets the hint that no girl in her right mind would ever give up a chance on THE Edward Cullen. _

I tuned out her mind again, automatically reaching out towards Bella's in an attempt to hear her yet again. But nothing came from her head, not a whisper, except for the words from her mouth.

"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework." The excuse sounded false to me from where I sat. Her cheeks had a faint outline of pink on them, as she gazed out across the sea of students to me. "Um, I'd better go see what he wants." She then set out across the cafeteria to me, leaving her 'friend' behind.

_She's a slut, but at least I might get a chance with Mike now that she seems to be interested in Cullen. _Jessica soothed herself as she flounced off to her table after staring at Bella's back for a few brief minutes. The group there immediately began bombarding her with questions, and watching as Bella made her way to me.

I, too, watched Bella as she carefully moved across that floor. Aware of her clumsiness, she walked a tiny bit slower than average for a human – but I knew that if she tried to move faster, then there was a higher likelihood that she might trip.

Pausing in front of me at the table, she blinked steadily down at me, hesitant and uncertain. I attempted to block out the minds of my siblings, where they sat discussing this in terms of what could be wrong with me. Although I wasn't quite succeeding, I asked gently, with a smile, "Why don't you sit with me today?"

Almost automatically once I had finished the last syllable, Bella dropped into the chair, her bag landing on the floor with a dull thud. Keeping my smile carefully in place, it became difficult after a moment as I waited for something, anything, to come out of her mouth.

_You know, Edward, to have a conversation with someone you might actually have to say something,_ tittered Alice as she listened intently for any words. My sister was really too curious; and the rest of them weren't much better.

It was harder to focus on Bella's body language with them offering their own interpretations, although they weren't intended for me to hear. Rosalie was simply fuming, but Jasper wondered, _Why is she not anxious or nervous or – something? All I sense is curiosity, Edward. _

But I didn't have to say anything, for she did at that moment. "This is different," she offered, obviously not knowing what else to say to me.

I knew what she meant, for this was unusual in more ways than one. And one of those ways was that this was something I never would have figured I would do, drawing a human being closer to me than any I had ever met before.

We, the immortal blood-drinking beings, soulless as we were, would likely be headed to hell for the lives we had. How can a creature that kills humans go to heaven? But this would undoubtedly push me much further into hell. It must be a sin to be involving an innocent human, however vaguely, into the world of a vampire. That I was doing just by talking to her.

"Well…" I attempted to word my thoughts as well as I could. "I decided that as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." The explanation wasn't just for her, although she wouldn't know that; my family also understood what I was saying and became angry with me for it.

_Oh, Edward, that isn't true! How can you think that, even after all this time? You shouldn't poison her thoughts against us, against you, so much! _Alice was the most 'vocal', you could say, about it.

The rest of my clan was simply disappointed that I thought so little of myself, even though they had known for a while that this was what I thought of our non-life. It was my opinion that, as vampires, we were soulless demons and although they thought I was on the right track to a point, they disagreed with my single-mindedness.

I was most worried about what Bella would think after I said it. Mentally hitting my forehead, I reviewed the words I uttered and prayed that she wouldn't draw much from it. That was the point Rosalie was making. _You idiot! What if she guesses something from what you just said? You better hope you didn't just give something away! _

The minutes went by slowly and agonizingly. I watched her eyes carefully and saw the intelligence sparkling there. But right now, it was sullied in confusion. Her words confirmed what I had seen. "You know I don't have any idea what you mean," she raised an eyebrow at me.

"I know," I replied, smiling. Deciding that it might not be the best idea to continue along that vein of thought, I tried to think of some other subject to switch to.

Remembering that Jessica was still regaling gossip to the table through my mental hearing capacities, I thought up something to say. "Your friends are angry with me for stealing you." Mike Newton certainly was; while the rest of the table, save gentle Angela Webber, gawked at Bella's back, that boy was glaring blatantly at me. I pretended not to notice.

"They'll survive," she said shortly. I wondered if she really did know about her supposed friends' treacherous thoughts and gossip; from the way she was acting about it, it was possible that she knew how awful they really were.

I couldn't help but state a dark joke. "I may not give you back, though." Seeing my reflection on her wide, mirroring eyes, I noted the gleam in them, a glint that was slightly hard. I hoped I hadn't scared her too much, although I knew that it would be best if she were scared into staying away from me.

The gulp as she swallowed was obvious to me, not so much to a human. But I teased anyway, "You look worried." A small laugh came out, surprising me a bit but not by much; I knew what I was going to do, and my siblings didn't. Their surprise made me want to close my mind completely for possibly the millionth time.

"No," she scoffed even as her voice cracked. Clearing it slightly, she added, "Surprised, actually…what brought all this on?" There was no hint of underlying apprehension around her; she was utterly at ease here, with me.

The joy that thought sparked almost made me miss her question, but I caught it. "I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." My smile was in place without too much difficulty, but I was utterly serious.

"Giving up?" Bella was obviously confused by my response; the crease I had noted on her forehead the first day she had come to Forks High School that was always there had deepened. Her brown eyes stared up at mine, and I continued on my vein of thought almost without regards as to what I was admitting.

"Yes – giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." A hard edge crept into my voice near the end of the sentence, when I realized too late that I had just given out more information, as I got lost in her dark eyes. My smile disappeared and I hoped that she hadn't gotten what I meant.

"You lost me again."

I grinned in relief that she hadn't understood what I was telling her. "I always say to much when I'm talking to you – that's one of the problems." One more of the problems that arose around her, around Bella.

The scent, I could control my response to. The inability to hear her thoughts I could overcome as she spoke her mind aloud. Even being able to deal with other's thoughts of what she had said indirectly was something I could handle, to a point.

But the fact that _I_ was beginning to say too much to her, that she noticed too much around me, was definitely not a good thing. She shouldn't get so caught up in this, because then it would be too late to turn back. It couldn't be, yet, but I saw no way out as we dug ourselves in deeper and deeper.

She muttered wryly, "Don't worry – I don't understand any of it." The indent between her eyebrows grew as she frowned at nothing in particular, her eyes straying from mine in what appeared to be thought.

"I'm counting on that," I replied as my eyes once again scanned her face for any clues as to what she was thinking. I saw nothing in her eyes; they were as blank as her mind was to me.

Bella was uncertain, I could tell, as she asked, "So, in plain English, are we friends now?" The nervousness I could see in her eyes made me want to hold her close.

That made me pause for a moment longer. I was not the type of person to hug another; I preferred no contact at all with anyone else. Yet, here I sat, wanting to comfort someone else – not just anyone, but a human girl!

And, try as I might, I did not see friendship being what I wanted. "Friends…" That didn't seem like what these new emotions I found in myself indicated. In fact, I did not even know what it was I felt for her. How should I know whether or not we could even safely be friends?

"Or not…" she murmured. I could hear a definite edge of disappointment in her voice as she said it. The fact that she didn't seem to just want friendship made me happier for some reason – but I couldn't really tell if that was what she felt or not.

Once again, I wished that I could hear her mind and find the answers that she hid from me. No matter how many times I spoke with her, I had a feeling that I would never really understand what went through her head.

"Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you." I made sure that she could see the warning behind my statement, but she might have chosen to ignore it for all I could gather out of her face.

"You say that a lot," she surmised, scanning my face; I couldn't discern whether it was in concern for her safety, like a part of me hoped, or if she was trying to figure me out as I was trying to solve her.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me." I wanted her to understand what I meant; it wasn't clear if she did know or not that I was attempting to dissuade her from being around me in her own self-interest.

Her eyes narrowed on me as she took that in. "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." Ah, so she was mad about my slight at her intelligence. I simply smiled apologetically to her – the actual words were ones I couldn't come up with.

If I told her the real reason behind that, then she would have to know exactly what I was. And that was something she shouldn't know. Not only because it was a secret we had to keep, but the knowledge would place her in danger from us and from others.

"So," her frown deepened in what appeared to be thought, "as long as I'm being…not smart, we'll try to be friends?" That was a logical explanation for our exchange and what appeared to have been decided – although I wasn't too sure how it came about.

"That sounds about right." Instead of looking at me as I answered her guess, she looked down. I was partly relieved that she had – the sight of her throat, pale and bare in front of me, was a lot to take in during our talk and extremely distracting.

The vampire instincts that controlled me during hunting wanted for me to do nothing more than lunge across the table in front of me and sink my teeth into that throat. Trying to distract myself, I focused once again on the blank wall in front of me – her mind.

There was still nothing there: if I didn't hear her mind, the only way I would know what was running through it would be to ask her what was. "What are you thinking?" I was genuinely interested in what her thoughts were about; she looked deep in thought.

Her deep brown eyes met mine, slightly glazed over; and she answered what appeared to truly be on her mind. "I'm trying to figure out what you are."

Freezing fear swept through me as though an internal hurricane was taking place. My siblings were stiff as well, their own minds running through scenarios and possible ways to get out of this trap – a trap that I had gotten us into.

I was foolish, wasn't I? Blindly trusting a human to keep something so important a secret. She hadn't threatened to tell anyone, though – in fact…

Bella had said that she was only trying to find out what I was. Didn't that mean she only had theories as of late? I heard Alice telling the others that same thought as my jaw tightened; with some difficulty, I kept the smile up on my face although I wasn't certain at all about anything.

It was another wild gamble that trusting Bella had been. Swallowing hard from old instincts, I tried to sound disinterested. "Are you having any luck with that?" But even as I feigned an uninterested front, my eyes scanned her face for any clues as to what she was truly thinking.

"None too much," came the reply, and I was relieved momentarily. Anxiety trailed it, however, as I realized that this meant she had to have some type of thought as to what I, what my family, was.

Her blatant admittance that she wasn't too far along in discovering what I was made me laugh a slight bit before I prodded more. "What are your theories?"

The blush that spread across her cheeks amazed me to no end; it was a beautiful pooling of blood that came so easily to her. I wondered what she was thinking of that caused her to feel embarrassment about her thoughts.

Alice giggled across the room. _Oh, that theory is too funny!_ I hadn't paid too much attention to her thoughts and missed the vision that she had sought. I ignored my family and focused on getting Bella to tell me what she had thought up as a reason for my differences – I had been interested before, but from Alice's thoughts I was now more so.

"What are your theories?" I asked, tilting my head to the side as I smiled at her. Humans found our physical appearance appealing, and I was attempting – likely uselessly – to use what the majority of female humans found 'attractive' against her.

It appeared to work a little bit – she blinked a few times as she looked at me, and shook her head. "Too embarrassing." I knew it was embarrassing – she had blushed – but I wanted to know why.

"That's _really _frustrating, you know," I complained; I wanted to understand the workings of her mind without having to go through all of this twisting and turning of words and trying to pry hidden meanings out of her mouth.

Soon enough, however, it appeared that I had said the entirely wrong thing to Bella. Her back, which had been slouched slightly before, straightened indignantly as she glared up at me. Tightening her jaw, she squared her shoulders.

"No, I can't _imagine _why that would be frustrating at all – just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean…now, why would that be frustrating?"

Understanding what I said too late, I could do nothing more than try to understand that which she felt. And I did, to a point – I knew the frustration of not knowing what I wanted to all too well. Sympathizing was one, thing, however, while understanding was something else entirely – and she did not need to know what I hid from her.

Bella wasn't done yet, though. "Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be _very _non-frustrating."

That was the end of the line for me. She did not fully understand what I was keeping from her – which was the point – but she had no right to berate me for it. "You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"

"I don't like double standards." She wasn't smiling, but neither was I. Although I had double motives for remaining stone-faced: my family was, once again, thinking about me and this time was decidedly more annoying than most.

_Ha, the human told off Edward! This is almost as good as those TV shows! _Emmett was laughing at my expense along with Jasper and Alice. I felt like walking over to them and giving all of them a piece of my mind about their amusement at a semi-private talk with Bella.

Rosalie was still being mutinous in her thoughts. _I can't believe she did that! And she's guessing at what we are! If she gets it right, then we're in trouble. Edward is going to pay for this; I'm going to make sure of it. _

Tuning them out again as I tried focusing my 'gift' on Bella again, I intercepted thoughts from her usual lunch table. Looking up towards it, I saw Mike Newton shifting in his seat anxiously. From his head, I heard, _Maybe I should go over there. If I talk to her now when Cullen is bugging her, she'd appreciate it. That would be a good way to get in her good point of view. _

He was bugging me more than I should let him, really. Letting out a short laugh, I focused back on Bella in time to hear her ask, "What?"

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you – he's debating whether to come break up our fight." The words were chosen carefully but nevertheless, conveyed the drift of what Newton was thinking to Bella. Snickering again, I waited for her reply to that with slight anxiety.

My fears abated at her comeback, her frosty reply making certain that there was no doubt of her disinterest in whomever I spoke of. "I don't know who you're talking about. But I'm sure you're wrong anyway."

Almost laughing again at the irony of her last sentence, I said, "I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read." I could hear most minds and their thoughts.

"Except me, of course," she muttered, not quite focused on me although she was looking at my face. The truth of her statement shocked me a bit – never mind the fact that I had told her she wasn't easy to read. It surprised me that she remembered what I had said to her at all.

"Yes. Except for you. I wonder why that is," I mused aloud. Asking myself the same thing numerous times had never gotten me an answer. There weren't any theories that I could think of as to why her mind was impenetrable, and no reference point for me to work with.

My eyes bored into hers with an intensity that was likely very deep, as I tried to pry into her mind once again. I never learned how to use my power; it came to me naturally, like Jasper and Alice. It had been something that I had from the moment of my new 'birth'.

The ability to hear a person's thoughts inside their head projected to mine and sounding as if they spoke directly to me, had just constantly been there. Attempting to control my powers was something I had not had to try before, and I wasn't entirely certain I knew what I was doing.

In fact, I probably did not know, for I wasn't able to hear anything from her mind at all. So I settled for watching her movements as she looked at the tabletop, unscrewing the cap off of a bottle of lemonade to take a small sip.

All at once, I realized that she only had that bottle and no food in front of her. Didn't she need to eat right now? It was lunchtime, after all. "Aren't you hungry?"

"No," she answered mindlessly. "You?" Again, irony struck. The prey was asking the hunter if he was hungry, while holding off of food itself.

"No, I'm not hungry." My smile grew with the humorous irony of yet another statement about hunger. These really were too many jokes about hunger, and mine grew with every moment I spent with Bella. I would need to feed later today.

But it was manageable for the moment as I spent time with her here. Watching her, as she seemed to think about something wasn't too large a toll on my resistance. It was wearing down, but I was keeping it up for the time.

"Can you do me a favor?" Her hesitant question made me wary; she already knew a lot more than she should. What type of favor would she ask?

"That depends on what you want." It was the safest thing I could think of to say. My siblings waited as anxiously as I for her to answer me.

"It's not much," she assured me. Still, I simply waited for her to tell me what she waned. As much as I trusted her, despite the warnings of my family – and they were still continuing even as I spoke with Bella…no matter how much I trusted her, I still needed to hear what she wanted.

She looked down at her lemonade bottle as she spoke. "I just wondered…if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared." Her pinkie finger traced circles, drawing me into a trance like daze as I watched it circle the opening of the bottle lazily.

Her request made me want to laugh – in what, I didn't know. Maybe it was just the fact that she wanted to know if I would decide something for her own good that got to me. All she wanted was to know that I wouldn't purposefully ignore her again; she didn't ask for more information about me, or my family.

"That sounds fair." It was something I could attempt to do for her, and try and give her without complications arising because I was…what I was. Then I realized that I could work with this, use it to gain an answer that I desperately wanted – not just me, but the rest of my family. I hid a chuckle as she looked up.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

I demanded, "Then can I have one answer in return?" This would be too simple if she just agreed before knowing what I wanted from her. I waited for her to answer.

"One." And it came. She didn't even look at me, but at the table as she had for most of our conversation; but I could see her eyes looking up at me through those long lashes. In a way, I was glad that she was looking down – it hid her throat from view. But a part of me wanted her to look at me, even though I knew that could be a danger to her.

Exposing her neck in any way was a temptation to the demon lurking inside me, and I wanted her to remain safe. If she didn't tell me what she thought she knew about me, then she was in danger from my family. "Tell me _one_ theory."

I knew that she was smart, and yet was a little surprised when she immediately shot back, "Not that one." Not expecting it to be easy, though, I knew that I would have to wheedle what I needed to know out of her.

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I reminded her gently. If I worked at this, maybe she would tell me what she was thinking and had thought up as an answer to the ways I was different from her.

She was intelligent, however, I had to give her that. Avoiding my question while answering it at the same time, she reminded back, "And you've broken promises yourself."

That was something I didn't like to think about – having never really dismissed a promise before like I had with her, I felt guilty for leaving her in the dark after agreeing to reveal it to her.

But I had other pledges to keep, other things that must be kept secret. So I had to find out if Bella knew the secret I was guarding, not just for my sake, but hers – she was in danger if she knew. Not just from my family, but from the royalty of the vampires – the Volturi.

The ones who would send an agent out here if it meant that our secret was in danger of being uncovered – and I knew that they didn't always just kill the humans that knew. Sometimes they made them vampires.

The mere thought that Bella might be forced to go through those fire-filled, painful three days was excruciating: that they might force an angel like her to loose her soul and become what we were was unforgivable. I pressed on, trying to discover if she did know or not. "Just one theory – I won't laugh."

The laughing was meant as teasing her about it, but she took it seriously. "Yes, you will." That was interesting – did that mean that she wasn't telling me out of embarrassment over the fact that she thought I would laugh and dismiss her?

Even if I did laugh at a ludicrous theory, it wasn't to make fun of her, specifically. More likely than not, she would take it that way, however. If it were simple embarrassment that was holding her back, I mused, then I would have to take her mind off of it.

How to take her mind off of her inhibitions was something that I had already tried before, I realized. But when I used my vampire appearance and gifts to make her answer me, it wasn't quite as intense as it could be. So I tried something new after a moment's pause in deciding.

My siblings watched anxiously as I looked down at the table thoughtfully. In a sudden movement, I glanced up at Bella, my head slightly tilted down as I leaned forward, drawing in a deep breath. Letting it out smoothly and long, reaching across the table to her nose, I breathed a simple, "Please?"

The effect was quite amusing to watch – her eyes glazed over and her breathing became slow and deep. Blankly meeting mine, it seemed as if her mind was actually clear at that moment. She was frozen as a statue, staring at me and apparently trying to work through a fog that had clouded her mind.

I tried not to grin triumphantly in success – this was interesting to watch. Emmett was laughing at the table; my family was caught between berating me for using talents like that, and amazement that I had been able to. After all, I was the stony, silent, unapproachable Edward – how did I know how to daze the human girl like this?

She let out a soft, "Er, what?" as she grasped that I had asked something. My lips fought a grin as I breathed out more, hoping to keep her docile.

"Please tell me just one little theory," I tried again to get the answer from her mind, to no avail. But it was almost there, I could see, and her lips parted slightly as she gazed up at me. Before I knew it, she had actually answered.

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?"

It was so absurd! "That's not very creative," I scoffed, fighting the laugh that was erupting inside of me and not coming out like it was with my siblings. She was blushing very slightly, coming out of her trance-like phase.

She sniffed. "I'm sorry, that's all I've got." She was apologizing for not having a more creative reason for my strangeness – that, I found more strange than anything else. Bella was truly a unique person, I knew.

Not being able to resist a bit of fun – for once in my eternal 'life' – I teased her with, "You're not even close." Really, spiders? That was from a human comic book! I would have thought that she would get somewhere near the truth, for all her intelligence.

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?" Well, that was one that she hadn't mentioned. I had to laugh more at that – she thought I was a superhero? The sheer absurd notion that I, a vampire, could be compared as a hero to her was making me struggle not to laugh.

"None."

"Dang," she sighed, looking a bit dejected – likely that her far-out ideas had been proven false. Not being able to help myself anymore, I began to laugh as softly as I could, not let loose in the cafeteria with a mighty roaring sound.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," I told her, making sure she saw that I got the superhero theme of possible explanations about me.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" She sulked slightly, and I tried to stop the laughter that was welling up inside me. Unable to get off of the comic book theories, I was drawn sharply back when she warned, straight-faced, "I'll figure it out eventually."

She shouldn't do that. It was dangerous for her to even be in the same town as us, never mind trying to pursue us, to chase me, for an answer to something that she would be safer not knowing. "I wish you wouldn't try."

"Because…?" She was challenging me, trying to find the reasons behind what I was telling her. Just like I was doing, I mused. She was doing the same thing that I was doing, by trying to dig through my words for meanings.

But Bella was more dangerous because of that. If she took the right meaning out of my warnings, she would be put in more danger just for letting her mind do the work to pull out the things I meant.

She was in more danger because of me – I had already known that, but actually thinking it to myself was something else entirely. Even with all that I though in the space of time I had, I spoke without putting my words through my mind first to search for anything she could take out of them. "What if I'm not the superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"

Alice began berating me for saying that I was evil, but stopped short when Bella's sharp intake of breath was heard. A spark in her eyes, nothing more, and then…

"Oh, I see."

Instantly I realized that what I hadn't wanted to do, I had done – the words I had said were easily interpreted, far too easily the meaning discovered. For a strange moment, I glanced over her and waited for her to run away. But she didn't – she simply looked at me. "Do you?" I asked, afraid that she had indeed seen.

"You're dangerous?" Her pulse increased at a steady rate, pumping fast as she stiffened slightly, eyes scanning me now in search of anything to – to what? Prove her wrong, or prove her right?

At that moment, I felt such sadness as I watched her. She was afraid, of me; that was something that I had wanted, counted on, even, to keep her away from me – but now that it was here, in my face, I didn't want it.

I did not want her to be afraid of me, to shy away from me. This was excruciating in its own right, waiting for her to say something as she scanned my face for a hidden clue to something I couldn't discover just by looking at her. She wanted to know something, and I didn't know the answer.

The next words she spoke made my siblings shocked – although Alice was beaming in joy at them. "But not bad," Bella whispered, shaking her head and staring up at me. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

The purpose of those words was to make me feel better – it had to be – and they worked to a point. That she wasn't afraid of me was something I had never expected of her; I had thought she would be terrified. But now, I saw that she was willing to tell me that she didn't think I was evil.

As the relief swept away, it was replaced by a sadness that I knew my siblings saw permeated through everything to me. And it did. Quietly, I replied, "You're wrong."

Because she had to be. I was a soulless vampire, doomed to wander the earth for eternity alone. How was that not evil? I had killed humans before, taken lives that were a great number to count, large and unforgiving. Murderer, vampire, soulless…those words described me.

With a quick grab, I secured the bottle cap from Bella, spinning it on its side between my fingers. I was an evil creature, bloodsucker, leech…the things the werewolves called us, all true and all condemning.

Bella only thought differently because she didn't know exactly what I was. And a part of me wished I could tell her, so that she could know why I was evil – while the rest of me rebelled at the thought; not only would that put my family in danger, but also…I didn't want her to know.

Not wanting her to know why I was evil, merciless, soulless…all of that tied into the things I felt about her. And she would not know those, either – there was no 'unless' about it. This was out of interest in her, I told myself. It was because I was interested in her, as a human that I was trying to know about her.

She moved suddenly, leaping out of her seat. "We're going to be late," she said. Most of the students were out, I heard – in fact, it seemed that my family was the last group left in the cafeteria.

Not making a move, I replied, "I'm not going to class today." Twirling the lid so it was a blur, I sensed her watching me. But I wouldn't look up – her throat was so easily exposed right now. And since there were no humans in the room, the monster in me thought that now was a good time to strike, bite, and drink.

"Why not?" I caught the tone of interest in her voice.

I chance a quick smile up at her, trying not to attack as I saw the pale skin of her throat. "It's healthy to ditch class now and then." It was especially healthy for her for me to ditch class today.

"Well, I'm going," she said quietly. She sounded as if she wanted to say something else.

It was harder for me to sit her while she stood over me – fighting the being inside me that wanted to reach up and grab her throat to bite, I looked back at the cap that I was transforming into a top at the moment. "I'll see you later, then."

The dismissal was a bit harsh – but I needed her to leave. I was swallowing venom almost constantly right now, and it was extremely uncomfortable to hear her heart at the moment. Through my siblings, I saw that her mouth opened as if to say something.

Bell ringing, she walked away quickly – to look back once from the door as she moved through it. I had stayed in the same position I had sat down in; straight-backed and stiff.

I found myself watching her, as well. The way she moved, hesitantly and yet surely, spoke of her clumsiness and her own character. But I found myself watching her out of more than the interest of learning more about her – it was because I wanted to. Shaking it off, I waited for my siblings to move.

Alice skipped over to me, first in the family to move over. "So, Edward…" _What do you think of Bella? Is she something special to you?_

Blinking at her, I replied warily, "What do you mean?" Her question confused me – it was like she expected a certain answer. Not knowing what to make of it, I got up swiftly; after a second of hesitation, I slipped the bottle cap into my pocket as I grabbed the school bag that had lain by my feet.

She giggled, seeing me do that. "So, she is something different, hmm?" _After all, I don't think that you have just developed a special attachment to bottle caps as of late, Edward. She interests you._

"Of course she's interesting, Alice," I answered smoothly as I walked out of the cafeteria. Our siblings were right behind us, thinking their own thoughts on the subject. "Are you telling me she isn't interesting to you?"

"Not in the same way…" _You want her as more than a friend, Edward. I saw the look on your face when she asked you if you were friends or not._

Emmett clapped a hand on my back as we turned down the hallway, out of the building. I had sent a dirty look to Alice, not understanding what she meant by that. I didn't even know what I wanted, myself! "Eddie-." I growled low. "Fine, fine…_Edward_, was lunch interesting?" _What does he think of her, I really wonder?_

We headed toward the building where they branched of to split into two separate ones – I was further down in another building, where Bella now was. "Even though I tried to attempt the semblance of privacy for her, you heard everything we said. What more do you want to know?"

We paused in front of the building – except Rosalie. She stalked off, and after a quick hesitation in which Emmett considered what he wanted to know and whether Rosalie would be angrier with him or me, he took off after her. Jasper and Alice stood for a minute watching them while I impatiently waited for them to talk.

Alice snapped out of it first. " Well, Edward, I do hope you realize that she is special to you in some way." _Does he really not see what I mean by this? Has he really been alone so long that he cannot figure out that there is something going on with him? _

Sighing, I replied tiredly, "Alice, I know that I'm confused about her and I know that something is drawing me to her – but that's all I know. Please, stop bothering me about this." If she really wanted to know what was going on in my mind around Bella, then she would just have to wait until I sorted out my feelings.

Because, as I had known and thought over and over again, this was all new and uncovered territory with me. My footing was unstable, my directions and map unclear and cloudy. I had nothing to work on, no idea what my goal was: wandering aimlessly in the mist as I was, I should be asking the others for help.

That went against who I was, however – I was Edward, the silent 'older' brother, who kept himself locked up most of the time. It was something I had never thought much about; it was who I was, to my siblings. So, only now it made me realize how isolated I was. Bella made me realize I felt alone, always.

Jasper clapped a hand on my shoulder for a moment, and said, "You're hungry." _I'll go with you after school, if you want. I know you and Emmett made plans already, though... _Touching as Jasper's offer was, I felt slightly reluctant – he wanted to talk, and I wasn't much of a confider.

I nodded shortly to him, however. This gesture showed that he was more comfortable with our family; an offer to hunt, with him, was something that I had not expected. Jasper, the new one to our family, had never really shown concern for going on hunts or being with anyone other than Alice. It was a small step.

Alice beamed and took his hand. "Well, go sit in your car, then. We'll see you later, after school!" They left, Alice thinking about how wonderful it was that Jasper was actually attempting to reach out to the family – I smirked as I went to my car, flipped on the music, and began to think.

Bella was something like a newcomer to this life in Forks. From observing her and from the first time we'd spoken, I knew that she had moved up here to be with her father, Charlie, while her mother was in Jacksonville with her husband, Phil.

Bella's decision to live here was something I didn't fully understand. She was adamant that she sent herself here to let her mother have the life she wanted, but I was simply confused about it. How could she be so selfless for someone?

Vampires weren't selfless creatures by definition, yet I believed Carlisle to be a selfless as they came. It never mattered to me what reasons he had for changing me – only that he hadn't done it out of spite. He wanted a companion, and I was one for him. I was his son, in most senses of the word.

But I had seen how that wasn't quite enough – and then, he's found Esme. It was like gaining a mother, and I was glad that he had found her. When he changed Rosalie, to be a 'companion' for me, I had refused it, knowing that I could only see her as a sister.

She had found Emmett, and Jasper and Alice came to us. Through it all, I stayed by myself. Even through those dark years when I went off on my own to hunt humans for a time, I had never found anyone else. Nor had I crossed paths with any vampires – I steered clear from them.

It was easier to be alone, by myself, than it was to go anywhere near others like me during that dark time of my life. The reminders of who I was, who I had been, what I could become…in the end, that's what drove me back to seek out Carlisle. The darkness pressing around me needn't be as it was – he offered a slight escape from it, refuge from at least the killing of innocent humans.

Why Bella would ever want to be anywhere near something such as I was a complete and utter mystery. I was a demon to her angelic lightness, her innocence from the knowledge of all things dark and evil like me.

Why was I insisting on being near her, I wondered as I looked out towards the school building; she was in that one, there, likely talking to Newton – my dead heart shuddered in anger at the thought – or some other male whom she could trust to not want to eat her at every minute of the day.

I should have stayed away from her, for both of our sakes. She might be out of danger right now, living her normal life – I saw the fascination in her eyes when she sat across from me at the table, her expressions during our conversation. Interest, and cunning, but no fear for herself.

Maybe I should leave now, I though. In fact, I was preparing to move the car out of the parking space when I heard someone coming my way. _Well, I helped her out of the room, maybe she'll be thankful. I wonder what she was talking about at lunch today – I should have gone over there to her and Cullen. Whoa, she doesn't look very good._

My eyes zeroed in on the moving shapes coming along the path – heading toward the office. Puzzlement and confusion swept through me; what was Mike Newton doing out of class right now? Taking someone up to the office? If that was so, why did the second figure need his support to walk like that?

_She wants to sit? Well, okay, but on the sidewalk? I wonder what's wrong with her – it was just blood testing._ So this human was sickened by the blood testing, were they? I turned off my car quietly, interested in listening to this conversation without interruption from my stereo system.

Humans who were sickened by the sight of blood were something that amazed me; a vampire took it from other organisms to live, and I have grown accustomed to that. But humans have that very thing which repulses those few inside them – how was it that they grew sickened at the sight of it?

I watched as Newton helped the person sit on the curbside – and then they leaned over onto the concrete. That wasn't right; I frowned – why would they prefer the freezing pavement to anything else? Was the cold helping somehow? From my medical studies, I knew that that was not a usual habit for people with aversion to blood.

Climbing out of my car, I moved to the front to watch them. _Wow, she doesn't look so good right now._ I heard Newton say, "Wow, you're green, Bella."

Bella. Bella was the one lying on the ground with nauseous feelings about seeing blood; she was the one who needed to get up to the nurses' office. I began walking toward her without a second thought – thinking only that I could help her far better than Mike was at the moment.

I saw what he was seeing, and his eyes were focused solely on a few parts of her that she would believe him a pervert for thinking of. I, for one, wanted to growl at him to scare him off right now, but that would have caused more trouble than he was worth. "Bella?" I called as I moved.

That was why I only heard one mind, I realized; hers was still as blank as ever. Mike's was running with thoughts, however, at my sudden appearance as I came forward. _Damn, here comes Cullen. What's his problem, anyway? I can handle this fine; he doesn't need to be here._

"What's wrong – is she hurt?" My concern was raised as I approached and she made no movement, nor sound. What happened to her; surely if it was just blood testing that fazed her, she would be at least moving or something. I watched her carefully for signs of breathing.

Mike was stressed as he said, "I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger." _She probably fainted, but I don't know why; how wimpy of her. Well, at least she's hot – that redeems her a lot. _

So she had an aversion to seeing other's blood – and I had confirmation Newton was a horrible person. What a wonderful day, I thought sarcastically as I knelt down to look at her face. At least she's still breathing, but can she do anything without getting in trouble somehow? I counted this as trouble. "Bella? Can you hear me?"

Her nose scrunched up, as she groaned, "No. Go away." I had to laugh a bit at that, even though I was relieved that she was all right.

_He can't just waltz up here and demand to talk to her like that!_ "I was taking her to the nurse, but she wouldn't go any farther." Newton was beginning to get on my nerves from this absurd chatter he insisted on pursuing in his mind.

Still smiling at Bella, I told him, "I'll take her. You can go back to class." I knew he wouldn't like that, but frankly; I wasn't concerned with that at the moment. Taking her up to the nurse's office meant that I would have to carry her there but I wasn't sure how I would be able to handle her body so close to mine.

"No, I'm supposed to do it," he glared at me, even though I couldn't care less and didn't even look up at him. _He can't just walk in here and take her with him! I hate Cullens; they all think they can do what they want._ He grumbled about it even as I reached forward to pick her up; he knew he wouldn't change my mind. _Pigheaded._ No, I replied in my own head; that would be Rosalie.

Lifting her up was absurdly easy to do, but I supported her farther from my body, supported entirely by my arms and not cradled to my chest like I was finding I wanted to. Shaking off that feeling, I stood with her in my arms; watching her face, I saw just how pale she really did look.

Up until that moment, I was ignoring her scent – but with her this close, it was harder to control myself. The monster inside me growled angrily as I ignored it and kept my control. Looking at her green-tinged cheeks I saw her eyes fly open, deep brown blinking frantically. "Put me down!"

Walking before she could finish the last words, I heard Newton's last, "Hey!" and _Jerk; she wants to be put down, to be with me! Of course that's what she wants, by asking him to put her down. I hate him. _I was grinning as I looked down at her. "You look awful."

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she moaned; her face was very pale, but I suppose that since she was as close as she was, it was a good thing for the moment.

I savored the words for a minute as I said them. "So you faint at the sight of blood?" How interesting; one more thing about Bella that I hadn't known. Given how unusual she is, it shouldn't have surprised me that she would faint at the sight of that which I needed to smell in order to exist.

Irony, in every particle of it: I had developed a fascination with someone who would be sick if she knew my feeding – or rather, hunting – habits. She clamped her lips together at that moment – like she heard what I thought – and squeezed her eyes closed.

I couldn't resist one more poke at her as we neared the office. "And not even your own blood," I smirked to myself; yes, that would be problematic if she ever knew how I 'lived' and ate.

Not that she would, I hastily reminded myself – it was in the interest of knowing more about this confusing creature in my arms that I had thought of her knowing that major secret.

Approaching the door, I heard someone moving toward the door – the office receptionist Ms. Cope – to grab a soda from the teacher's lounge, from her thoughts. Waiting until she was opening the door, I slipped inside with Bella in my arms.

Ms. Cope blinked for a minute – _Edward Cullen? Carrying Bella Swan in his arms? Wow, this is like a romance novel_ – then gasped, "Oh my." _What happened to her? _

"She fainted in Biology," I explained, trying to keep my face blank as she ran through her trashy novels in her head, comparing me to every hero – and Bella to every heroine. It was rather tiresome to hear that every time she saw me – and I moved toward the nurse's office as Bella's eyes opened.

_Sweeping her into his arms, he – oh my goodness, Edward Cullen! And – what happened to, oh, what's her name, Bella! Bella Swan – what happened?_ The nurse, Mrs. Hammond, was in the middle of reading a novel just like those that Ms. Cope spent some time reading.

Really, what was with the conspiracy these two women had going against mind-reading vampires who had no interest in such situations?

I swung Bella onto the vinyl bed and moved back against the wall – her scent permeated through everything in the room at the close range she was in. She really has no idea of the danger she is in, being so close to me, I thought as she lay there, eyes open and looking at me carefully.

I wondered what she saw in my eyes, before realizing that she likely saw gleams of the predator inside that wanted, thirsted, for her blood. Turning to Mrs. Hammond, I told her, "She's just a little faint. They're blood typing in Biology."

She nodded. "There's always one." _I wonder why Bella, though – maybe she wanted the chance for Edward Cullen to sweep her off her feet – literally, in this case. _Trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the thought – she would probably like nothing better than to run from me if she knew what I was – I watched her again.

She looked so weak and fragile lying on the vinyl substitute for a bed. Her breathing was slow as she attempted to calm her nausea. "Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass." _Oh, the poor dear looks so weak. _

"I know," she sighed; already, I noticed that her color was returning, but she still looked far too pale for my liking. But it wasn't what I wanted, I reprimanded myself – it was what she needed. And that goes for a lot more than this passing queasiness.

"Does this happen a lot?" _I wonder if the poor girl suffers from just the sight of blood some of the time or all the time – I only get queasy if there's a lot, but could she be the type that feels sick with just a single pinprick? Or did she not even prick herself? _

"Sometimes," Bella answered; I noted that her cheeks gained the tiniest amount of red, and hid another laugh. She was embarrassed by the fact that she did, actually, faint from the sight of blood; and not even her own!

Mrs. Hammond turned to me. _Oh, he's still here; it's nice that he's concerned, but he should get back to class. _"You can go back to class now."

"I'm supposed to stay with her," I answered with complete confidence, knowing that she wouldn't force me to leave. Sure enough, she pursed her lips but decided not to argue.

Turning to Bella, Mrs. Hammond said, "I'll get some ice for your forehead, dear." _Hmm, ice, yes – and a quick talk with Ms. Cope about Edward…_ Off to gossip: typical.

When the nurse was gone, Bella let out a moan and seemed to collapse, like she had been tense before but now relaxed; closing her eyes, she murmured, "You were right."

"I usually am – but about what in particular this time?" My mood had been good, but now I was reminded of that nightly activity I had pursued –sneaking into her room – by how Bella looked, her eyes closed and her posture relaxed completely.

"Ditching _is_ healthy," she muttered, controlling her breathing again to calm it. I could hear her heartbeat from where I stood by the wall; she wasn't panicked by being alone in the room with me.

I tried to figure out what to tell her – and settled on telling her one truth that my mind had conjured up in the few moments before I realized that she was still alive, if lying on the concrete. "You scared me for a minute there. I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha." Her eyes were delicately closed, her skin still eerily similar to mine, but she was gaining the blush back in her cheeks every minute.

"Honestly," I smirked, "I've seen corpses with better color." I had, too, I thought darkly – in those few rebellious years, I had seen many corpses and dead. "I was concerned I might have to avenge your murder." Although, since it was Newton, it would have been one I would have condoned, had it been my rebellious years.

"Poor Mike," she sighed. "I'll bet he's mad." Her perception of Mike was interesting – I believed she saw him as a friend and nothing more, despite his own feelings for her, but she could also see that he had thoughts like the ones I continually overheard.

"He absolutely loathes me," I admitted cheerfully. I had no concerns for the feelings of human teenage boys towards me, and couldn't care less what the thought of me.

She argued back, of course – I was beginning to see that she could be very stubborn in some things, this included. "You can't know that."

"I saw his face – I could tell." I also heard his mind, Bella, but you can't know that. You should not know anything that could put you in danger.

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching?" Her question almost caught me off guard, despite the fact that I was expecting it. Of course she would ask what I had been doing so that I would have known where she was when she was – Bella was extremely observant, after all.

Lucky for me, I already had formulated an answer. "I was in my car, listening to a CD." She seemed to either accept that answer, or intuitively know not to ask while Mrs. Hammond was in the room – she came in just after I answered. Bella's eyes opened to see her come in with the cold compress.

"Here you go dear," she said, lying it on Bella's forehead. "You're looking better," she added, carefully eyeing her. _She certainly looks like she has more color in her cheeks. Maybe she just needed to rest for a minute – she certainly looks fine now._

"I think I'm fine," Bella answered, sitting up on the doubtless-uncomfortable mattress. I wanted to tell her to lie back down, and Mrs. Hammond agreed – but then I heard the unmistakable thoughts of Mike Newton, accompanied by Lee Stephens. Ms. Cope stuck her head in the room; "We've got another one." _Poor Lee…_

_I just bet that Cullen is still in here with Bella. I hope he gets kicked out of there – he wasn't even in class. Maybe I should drop a hint with Ms. Cope that he ditched – but I bet Bella doesn't like snitches. _

_Oh jeez, I feel awful. I really hope that I might be able to just lie here for a long time, because I don't think I'll be able to get back up. Mike isn't helping much – I bet he's still obsessing about Bella Swan. Honestly, I can tell she doesn't like the dude. She probably is into Edward Cullen – oh, jolt, jolt, stomach upset oohh…_

I was holding back a grin at Lee's thoughts as they came into the room, and Bella hopped off the cot. "Here, I don't need this," she said, handing the cold compress back to the nurse.

Then the two boys staggered through the door – I had to agree with Lee, Mike was doing hardly anything to help support the poor boy – and I drew back further against the wall, trying to stay out of the way of them.

The scent of exposed blood hit me, although it wasn't nearly as strong as Bella's.

"Oh no," I muttered, mainly to myself – I had to get out of here, now. But if I did, Bella would be suspicious – Bella! She would faint again at the sight of blood. "Go out to the office, Bella."

She looked up at me, confused as to what I meant. "Trust me – go," I told her, not knowing what else to say to get her out of here.

The fact that she spun around and darted out after a strange look crossed her face shocked me. Did she really trust me when I asked her to do something, or was that because she had caught on to what was wrong with Lee? I followed her, trying to puzzle it out. "You actually listened to me," I marveled; imagine that, the prey obeying the hunter.

I did not expect her next statement. Wrinkling her nose, she stood there, looking slightly paler again and said, "I smelled the blood." Her color whitened a bit at just the thought of it.

My mind was completely blank for a minute before I said, "People can't smell blood." It was impossible for a human to catch a scent of blood – vampires smelled it differently, but it was still utterly impossible for a human to smell it at all.

"Well, I can – that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt." Her description of the scent didn't sound like what I smelled whenever I hunted – to me, the scent of blood in any creature was especially good. But for a human to smell it at all was unusual, I reminded myself. It was strange that she could. Another strange thing about her.

"What?" she asked, looking up at me in confusion. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," I told her, setting it aside for now. I could ask her questions later, but at the moment Mike was coming out of the nurse's office and seeking Bella. I would rather not look at him any more than I had to today – or any other day, for that matter.

Out of all the annoyances humans offered, he was one of the worst at this point in time, bothering Bella as much as he was. Jealousy was not an emotion I liked very much, I mused as I stood there patiently, Mike glancing from Bella to me – with pure loathing – and back.

I moved towards the counter, standing beside it as I kept my gaze away from the two of them, trying to stay out of the conversation – I had no reason to want to know about it, and I shouldn't care to hear whatever Bella chose to talk to Newton about.

My mind was, instead, occupied on what she had said about the scent of blood to her. Even though she shouldn't be able to smell the blood of anything, she did – and it repelled her, like a vile stench she couldn't escape.

At least, that's what I gathered – from her aversion to it, the nausea, and the fact that those two things she described it as – rust and salt – would not really be a pleasant combination to endure. Where had this trait come from, I wondered, this thing she had that made her shy away from the scent of blood like this?

It could be a genetics thing – it could be anything, really. Another thing about Bella Swan that was out of the norm: she could smell blood, her mind was blocked from my reach, and her scent was so appealing to me that it was torture to stand where I was and not dive towards her, sinking my teeth into her lovely, pale throat.

As much as I was attempting to stay out of their conversation, I still caught the drift even as I blocked the verbal noises from my mind; the mental thoughts of Newton came through like they were being spoken aloud, and I had not found a way yet to block anyone's thoughts. Bella was her own category of person, though.

Newton had apparently invited Bella on a beach trip that their group of friends was going on this weekend. Mentally, I frowned; I was going to be gone this weekend, hunting again like I was wont to do more often now that Bella was around.

Clearly not wanting me to come, I could sense Mike's body language from where I stood – not to mention his thoughts were venomous of me, as he mentally told me to stay away. I almost laughed at the irony of it – I could actually hear him telling me to back off, even though he didn't know it.

When Mike left the room, I turned to Bella once again, moving forward quietly. Ms. Cope had come back to her desk anyway – she was turned around, thinking about the schedules she had to organize for some fundraiser or such, and hadn't seen us standing there yet.

Bella's face was clear for a few moments as she obviously thought over something – and then turned to a strange mix of horror, disbelief, and reluctance. "Gym," she moaned as if she were being sent to hell itself.

Pursing my lips, I considered a plan that had begun to form in my mind – I knew that she still didn't look well enough to stay around for the rest of the day, and decided to take this matter into my own hands. I could drive her home – I knew where her home was, of course, I shamefully winced. It was in Alice's vision, when I had driven us home that day before leaving for Denali.

Nevertheless, if she was so averse to the joy – sarcasm deeply meant – of a pathetic gym class, then why should I not offer her escape from it? Admittedly, I wanted a chance to ask her more questions about anything, everything, I could. Merely a cover, a ride home to get her away from the class could be easily arranged.

I wondered if she would want me to help her at all. Maybe she would prefer that I not help her in the slightest; but I had to take a chance, didn't I? The dangerous implications of offering were not lost on me, however – alone with her for an indeterminate amount of time? No one else around us to interrupt and no one to know I had gone with her?

The monster in me growled in anticipation of pushing me over the edge; I could smell her from right where I stood, even with no air pushing that tantalizing scent this way.

Mrs. Cope bustled behind her desk, chattering to herself in her head about schedules and other various things. She would know, I told myself forcefully. There is that safeguard; at least that one person would notice if Bella Swan went missing after Edward Cullen took her home.

I was selfish for this, I told myself as I silently moved closer to her. But it was a strange need that could not be denied; I wanted desperately to spend at least a short time talking to her, although she seemed not to know it. Outside, the bell sounded to signal the next class start, too faint for us in the office to hear: the staff only knew that students had to go to their next classes by the clock on the wall.

Moving deliberately slowly so as not to startle her too badly, I muttered by Bella's ear, "I can take care of that." Her heart let out an unsteady beat anyway, as she had been startled by my 'sudden' appearance. "Go sit down and look pale."

The anticipation that half of me felt, wanting her not to listen to me, failed as she obeyed silently; relief flashed over her face, and skepticism, but she sat in a chair by the wall, leaning her head back. Throat exposure like that I could not handle for too long, so I looked away – but she looked pale and faint enough that it just might work.

"Mrs. Cope?" I quietly asked as I moved to the front desk, behind which she was perched, sorting through papers and things.

_I really must get those new schedules done – oh, my, Edward! I wonder if there is a problem; didn't the next class already start?_ "Yes?"

Innocent expression aside, I looked straight at her, convincingly, as I told her our excuse. "Bella has Gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you can excuse her from class?"

_Oh, of course I can! The poor dear does still look rather ill; I do hope she feels better soon! _"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" Mrs. Cope marked it into the computer system the school had set up.

"No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind." My Spanish teacher would definitely not mind – honestly, the minds of some human women were so petty. She would let me get away with skipping class for no other reason than my physical appearance – and this was the type of person who taught the human youths!

_Of course she won't mind_, Mrs. Cope grumbled in her mind, knowing exactly the reasons that she wouldn't. "Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella," she called to her over the counter before resuming her work.

Turning around to see her, I smirked as I saw only a brief, weak nod and no other movement. For a moment, I was concerned – was she really faint or was she acting – before I noticed that she seemed to be holding herself upright surprisingly tightly for a 'sick' person.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" I couldn't help but tease her, sarcasm evident in my voice. To think that she, an innocent human girl, would want me, an undead creature, to even touch her was preposterous.

The faint blush on her cheeks as she stood surprised me; why would she blush when she shouldn't want me to carry her? Or was it the suggestion that embarrassed her? Holding open the door for her, I watched as she delicately waked out into the slightly misty day with the thoughts of all the reasons she should not seem to feel so comfortable around me as it appeared she did.

She headed out to the parking lot as I followed her. "Thanks. It's almost worth getting sick to miss Gym." So she really disliked the class, hmm? I wondered if that had anything to do with the apparent clumsiness that plagued her.

I could not look at her as I walked, my strides now carrying me along beside her. With her head tilted up like it was, I was given quite a clear view of her throat, pale and delicate. "Anytime." The rain fell enough to confuse my eyes: vampire eyes, specially designed to catch small movements and now swamped with seeing each raindrop fall individually to the ground.

A brief silence was broken when she asked hesitantly, "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" If I hadn't been able to multi task in the office, it would have missed me that Newton had invited her to some type of beach trip with a crowd of other juveniles; obviously, I had been able to hear him talking, never mind vampire hearing.

It was not that I had no wish to spend more time around this fascinating human, Bella, but that it was a beach trip in itself. I could simply imagine the horrors that could ensue if one of them so much as got a paper cut – a bloody rampage, me being a murderer without even a hint of control over myself.

The risk in itself was great, and there was also the fact that my family and I distanced ourselves in order to keep humans from noticing too much about us and what we were. Add in Bella to the equation and the simple trip would be deadly.

Something tugged at me, and then in a flash I realized that I had forgotten our location in the world. "Where are you all going, exactly?" The only beaches I knew of around here were off-limits to us, the Cullen family.

"Down to La Push, to First Beach." Instinctively I knew her eyes were watching me and I attempted to control myself, but my eyes still narrowed the slightest bit at her venturing into…_their_ territory. Werewolves; I wished I could tell her not to go, but I knew that nothing I said wouldn't be suspicious.

Looking down at her from the corner of my eye, I saw that she was trying to puzzle something out in her head while waiting for my answer; wishing to cut off her thoughts but knowing I wouldn't with my reply, I said it anyway. "I really don't think I was invited."

She sighed in deep-set annoyance. "I just invited you." Her logic shouldn't be making me want to go with her; I longed for the days of my past when everything wasn't as confusing to me as it was now.

Everything she said made those feelings I never felt before twist inside me, and I found myself wanting to abandon reason and go with it, just this one time in my life; I clamped down on myself hard as I gave Bella a smile, imagining what I replied. "Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap."

Under her breath, she muttered, "Mike-schmike." But I saw that she was now brooding over something else: this human would never cease to interest me with all of her lapses into silence that eventually led to some insight.

As we neared my car, she suddenly veered off to the left, heading towards her monstrosity of a truck. I caught the back of her jacket with one hand, pulling her back on track – I had expected different things about her from the moment I first spoke with her, but this defied explanation.

"Where do you think you're going?" My voice was quite angry even though I was controlling myself, but I still waited impatiently for her answer as she stared at me in confusion, her large brown eyes blinking up at me.

"I'm going home," she replied slowly, saying it as if it was obvious. My anger simply flared at the thought of her driving by herself on wet roads in the forest area that is Forks.

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home?" I knew this was more abut me questioning myself than her not trusting me to control myself – but wait, she didn't know that. She just thought I had offered to take her home and thought she was declining the offer. "Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?"

"What condition?" Was she just out to make me antagonized or was she really clueless as to the fact that she was still swaying lightly underneath my grasp – I felt the fabric tug very lightly as my fingertips, the only way I knew she was only just wobbling. "And what about my truck?" she complained.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." Towing her towards my car by the jacket, I was thankful that at least she wasn't putting up a fight – although I did have to wonder wickedly to myself what Newton would be thinking if he saw me practically dragging Bella towards my car.

"Let me go!" she insisted, even as she moved her feet to keep from stumbling – she wasn't meekly following, but she wasn't fighting either. She staggered sideways until I released her, wincing as I heard her thump against the car door. At least I didn't break her bones, I reminded myself as she pouted and crossed her arms childishly. "You are so _pushy_!"

"It's open," I told her. Getting a grip on the anger that raged within me – a serious problem for me by all accounts, my family amongst them – I slid into the driver's seat and waited for her to get in.

"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!" she retorted, fuming in the rain, as it grew harder; her hood was down and she was getting soaked. This was completely ridiculous.

"Get in, Bella." I leaned across the car to look at her as I rolled down the passenger's side window. The expression on her face told me all I needed to know, surprisingly; she was contemplating making a run for it.

If she did that, then I was going to have to jump out of this car and run after her. "I'll just drag you back." She took my threat seriously and climbed into the car with a sulky expression, soaked although not yet shivering.

"This is completely unnecessary," was all she had to say. Not bothering with an answer – she wouldn't listen to me if she was pouting like she was now – I shifted the control in my car, turning the heater up for her and, sadly, my music down.

If I had a beating heart, it would be pounding unsteadily for the proximity of her to me in this car. Alone for the time being, I wondered about her silence – her face was sulky yet she still intoxicated me, inconceivably – and I wondered what to say.

A chance to really know her, as I know Esme had wanted for me to attempt, and I could think of nothing to ask. All I could seem to sense was she, her warmth and how close she was to me at this very moment – nothing else seemed to matter as I drove in silence, at a comfortable speed.

The scent was enveloping around me in the tight, closed car – my siblings would be slightly annoyed that the car had a human smell in it now – and the monster in me was begging me to take a chance and drink. But I couldn't do that to her, to Bella – not Bella.

Words that I had said before that car would have crushed her, killed her right in front of me. Was there really something strong here, I wondered for a brief minute, before I dismissed the thought: she was an interesting human to me, and this was more an information experience than anything else. No special interest except for why I could not hear her mind.

She startled me with speaking first and with what she asked. "Clair de Lune?" My eyes flashed to her face quickly; she seemed as surprised as I was. But I was surprised that she knew what it was more than she must wonder why I listened to this music.

"You know Debussy?" A strange sense of – something – it had to do with the fact that she knew something that I, too, enjoyed; her, a human girl, had an interest in music that was good! I nearly laughed at the humor of it – my family was not much of a musical group, and here I had found a human girl who knew Debussy!

"Not well," she admitted, and her cheeks gained a very faint blush. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house – I only know my favorites." This was one of her favorites. I stored that away in my mind: 'Facts about Isabella Swan'.

"It's one of my favorites, too," I replied lightly as I stared out the windshield. Bella knew about classical music – not at all like most teenagers in this day and age. I was finding that more and more were leaning away from the older music types that I had grown up around and moving forward to newer artists and still-living people.

It happened all through the time I had lived, of course. Things went in and out of style, each generation bringing their own influence. It was a rather amusing process to watch, I had to say to myself. The fact that people could change things so much over mere whim was astounding; what some people did to gain was horrifying.

Music had been one thing that ground me to my human life. My family all was occasionally wistful in thinking of their old human lives – in Rosalie's case, much more than 'wistful' – and I was no exception. My last memories of my parents were when they were sick, and I had gaping holes missing from the pain of transformation and the wearing of time.

But always, I had the memories of music – playing the piano, hearing my parents play together – one composition that my adoptive parents, Carlisle and Esme, didn't know about me the first time I played was that I remembered the tune from my mother. She had played it to me once; I played it only once for them.

After that, I realized that I had to let go of my mother – and besides which, it was only a small portion of the tune, a bit of trying out on a new piano that they had just gotten for me, for the house. After that, I worked on my own things, finding it much more relaxing to put my feelings into the music than to play something I simply remembered from my old life.

It lead to me thinking of what Bella thought about her parents. She lived with Chief Charlie Swan here in Forks – but whom did she leave behind in Phoenix? Her mother – hadn't she said her mother remarried someone named Phil? And she came here to let her mother have her freedom – at the expense of her happiness.

Bella had a large heart to give something like that to her mother; what, I wondered, type of person was her mother? I could barely remember mine, but the pain no longer hurt anymore – she was gone, and that was that. But Bella's mother was here, alive. "What is your mother like?"

I found myself watching her with curiosity in my eyes. She looked up at me, startled but not overly shocked. "She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier." My eyebrows rose; how could anyone be prettier than her? She was beautiful herself, I found myself thinking. "I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend."

From her voice, her expressions, I saw that her mother seemed to be everything she was not – in her opinion, of course. She looked sad after she was done, obviously missing the woman very much. But I could not help but feel a trifle irritated.

She was such a complex person; it was hard to believe she was only a senior in high school. From her description of her mother, her mind functioned at a very high level. "How old are you, Bella?" Maybe she was older than high school age. Parking the car I stared back down at her, frowning and trying to solve the mystery.

"I'm seventeen," she answered; was it just my imagination, or did she seem confused again?

"You don't seem seventeen." All I could puzzle out about her was that she had a strange mind, which was already obvious to me, and I knew it – for someone with so much intelligence, how could her mind be blocked from me? What were the reasons, the purposes of that?

She laughed; my curiosity grew about her. Her laugh was beautiful to listen to, I had to say, but I saw no reason for it. "What?"

"My mom always said I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." Her small sigh and soft addition were tinged with sadness. "Well, someone has to be the adult."

So was that it? She acted as the mature on out of the two women, and that made her feel less about herself? The reasoning was strange; I had to work on this more. Her next observation called for a distraction from this train of thought. "You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself."

Making a face, I shifted to the next topic in line. "So why did your mother marry Phil?"

Brief surprise flitted across her face – I wondered what it was for. "My mother…she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him." She shook her head, obviously thinking about something.

I wondered what her head shaking meant. "Do you approve?"

"Does it matter? I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants." The 'giving' bit of her nature was very prominent according to everything she had told me. That she would simply only want her mother to be happy with whoever she wanted to was something I had not come across in many people before.

"That's very generous…I wonder," I mused aloud. The attraction I felt towards her was obviously very strong, and although I did not fully understand it, I had to admit that I was very curious about why I felt such a strong connection to her; I had only known her for an incredibly short time.

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" My eyes were once again focused resolutely on hers, trying to find the answer in her mind. I told myself that it was merely because I was…concerned about her; that was all this was, a passing interrogation because I was beginning to see her as family in some twisted way.

"I-I think so," she stuttered, hesitant and uncertain of footing as I stared relentlessly down at her. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different." The surprise I felt at the spurt of relief was not much compared to how anxiety flung itself back at me.

"No one too scary then," I teased, unable to stop the nerves gathering in the pit of my stomach at the thought that she would likely go to whatever suitor she pleased, never mind whether her mother approved or not; if I was right, she would probably talk her into giving her the same treatment or acceptance Phil received.

Her grin was pleasing to see; "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?" I bit back the retort that those types of things would have labeled someone in society as a scoundrel back in my – no, in my _parents'_ day.

"That's one definition, I suppose." Especially in 1901, yes, that would label someone as scary. But I was not thinking about someone like that – I shocked myself deeply when I realized I meant fear of something like me.

Like she had read my mind, her reply came then. "What's your definition?" All I could consider at the moment was the fact that I had asked something in order to know if she would ever consider me to be someone of interest in the ways that my siblings and parents had each other.

Well, too late to back down now. I ignored her question and asked another of my own with a deceptively calm grin. "Do you think that _I _could be scary?" I knew that it wasn't truly to late to step out of this before I asked that but now it certainly was.

She debated something in her mind as I waited on pins and needles to find out what she thought about that. Conflicting wishes made me happy and exasperated at the same time when she said, "Hmmm…I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to."

That wouldn't do for one reason; I was dangerous. Vampires are not meant to be friendly to their prey, and here I was chatting to one like there was nothing different about me at all. "Are you frightened of me now?" I asked, blanking my face completely – it wasn't that hard; I wanted to know what she really thought.

I heard the unsteady heartbeat and saw her eyes widen ever so slightly – but she snapped back, "No." The reply came too fast for her to actually mean it; the common sense part of me was pleased that she had the same sense and I smiled again, knowing that she had at least some caution.

If I hadn't paid attention, I wouldn't have caught the slyly understated tone of her words, "So, now are you going to tell me about your family? That's got to be a more interesting story than mine."

Instantly, I was on guard – it was nothing more than a reflex for when people wanted to know more about our families than they already did. "What do you want to know?"

She started simple, verifying what school gossip had told her. "The Cullens adopted you?"

Easy enough. "Yes."

Her brief hesitation before, "What happened to your parents?" told me that she wasn't certain if it was all right to ask about them.

I wasn't sad as I answered, "They died many years ago," because it was pure fact – I had had more, much more, than enough time to come to terms with the fact that they were gone.

"I'm sorry." Her mumbled apology and the blush rising made me feel the need to comfort her for thinking she had done something or said something wrong. These blasted feelings were very annoying – if I could just solve the puzzle as to what they were everything would be so much easier.

"I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them," she stated simply, like it was fact. And it was; how she had been able to cut straight to that was an accomplishment, I have to say.

"Yes," I smiled. "I couldn't imagine two better people." It was a tragedy really; we were likely deemed to be going straight to hell if we ever died, by the Volturi's hands or another vampires'. None of my family deserved that fate.

"You're very lucky." I had to remind myself for a moment that she just meant I was lucky to have my family, my adoptive siblings and parents.

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?" This conversation was getting trickier by the minute. Alice was going to ask me what I had told her, and if I said much more Rosalie was going to pounce on me before she even stepped into the car.

Glancing at the clock to try and buy some time, I saw just how much of it had slipped away from us – class would be five minutes over by the time I got back to school. "My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go." She seemed hesitant to leave the car and get out into the rain, which still steadily poured down.

"And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." I grinned, knowing that would make her move faster; not that I didn't want to stay, but I was going to be in large amounts of trouble as it was with Rosalie. Might as well decrease the minimum amount of pain she could cause.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks," she sighed; I laughed at how ironic it was that she was talking to one of the 'people' with the largest secret out there.

"Have fun at the beach…good weather for sunbathing." The rain pouring out the window seemed to contradict that statement for now, but I knew – via Alice – that the weather would be very nice indeed this weekend.

We had made plans already – Emmett and I – to go on a hunting trip; I needed it and he offered to come with me. The small excursion with Jasper after school today was more of a walk in the woods, not an actual hunting expedition; he mostly wanted to talk. That was how I knew he did, for he only really hunted with Alice.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?" Bella caught on to the fact that I was saying goodbye for the weekend – on a Thursday.

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?" She sounded disappointed that I wasn't going to be there tomorrow; my heart leapt at the thought for the fault of those blasted indiscernible emotions. That she was asking – the prey I most wanted to hunt – was something I couldn't escape the irony of, either. There certainly was a lot of irony floating around her, wasn't there?

Nevertheless, I answered as well as I could, trying not to fidget as I saw the time again – it wasn't that hard not to, however, as I did partly want to stay with Bella. "We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier." Which, of course, meant hunting there.

"Oh, well, have fun," she said; she was trying to be enthusiastic, but it fell flat. I tried to stop smiling at her unintentional well-wishing for me to have fun on my hunt with my brother.

Thinking of hunting, however, reminded me that I wasn't going to be here for a while – not until Wednesday, at least – because of good weather. Panic swiftly flew up; she could kill herself any number of ways if I wasn't here to keep herself from danger.

I couldn't stay, no matter how much I wanted to. But surely she could try to keep herself safe. "Will you do something for me this weekend?" My eyes locked onto hers, her deep brown eyes wide as she voicelessly nodded.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" Smiling slightly, I watched her face to see what I logically predicted I would – indignance that I would say something directly about her clumsiness.

For once, I was right as she glared up at me. "I'll see what I can do," she snapped as she shot out of the car into the pouring sheets of rain. Slamming the door behind herself, she stomped up to the door and turned to glare back at me.

Smiling as I drove away, I recounted how I had been able to predict her reactions just this once – maybe she wasn't as different as the female humans as I thought. Bella was still insulted by my mentioning that she wasn't particularly graceful.

Glancing at the clock again, I noted how I would be well over five minutes late by the time I got back to them – most likely, I would be ten minutes past the school release bell. My strangely joyful mood lessened before growing again as I thought of how I had just spent a good chunk of time learning more about Bella.

The only good thing about me being late, I thought, was that there would be virtually no humans around the school anymore – probably not even the staff would be there anymore. No one would be there to see Alice take Bella's truck back to her – which would likely be in the way that only a vampire could.

* * *

**A/N – Don't kill me.**

**Please don't kill me.**

**I moved the A/N down here so you all could immediately start reading the chapter (since I took so much longer than I thought I would on it). I really have nothing to say for myself – not really.**

**I just got so caught up in writing the story plans for two other stories of mine! I COMPLETELY finished the 'Desecration Smile' story plan (H.P. Fanfic) and the story plan for 'Curse' (Twilight Fanfic). That is VERY good news, right?**

**Of course, I was going to completely write those stories before posting them, because I want to be able to regularly update – which I often can't do on the stories I have going, because there is so much other crap going on at the same time! I am SO sorry!**

**Well, this chapter I made a tiny bit extra long, hopefully you liked it! I also have to say, that never listen to non-stop repeat while writing an entire (yes, this ENTIRE) chapter: 'Eye Deh A Mi Knee' by Sean Paul if you don't want to be singing it while typing, singing in the shower, singing while out of the house, singing while eating…trust me, it's possible. I did it. :)**

**Anyway, I now have my right hand raised and my left one on the book 'Twilight' and here are my words verbatim:**

**"I, BlueSea14, will never make a promise about updating a Fanfiction of mine unless I have already finished the next chapter and plan to release it on said date like I am planning for the Fanfictions that I was working on when I should have been faithfully following this chapter of 'Sunrise'."**

**In all seriousness, I DID just actually do that. Authoresses promise.**

**On another notice, I would like you all to be informed, in the hopes that you will not get mad at me, that this entire chapter is 38 pages on Microsoft Word. So, you don't have to kill me for putting up some pathetic dinky chapter and will nicely review now, right?**

**…Right?**


	10. Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I know this update took a while coming, and all I have in my defense is that I have been so busy on schoolwork and other stuff that I worked on this from 6:00 – 7:00 each night. The work on this has taken a while – I listened to 'Confessions on a Dance Floor' CD by Madonna on repeat this time. :) Also, when I was yelled at for keeping that CD on constantly, I moved to the 'Ray of Light' one also by Madonna. :)**

**I could NOT believe the e-mail I received from PinkPixie019 that told me 'Sunrise' had been nominated for Best POV, Best Characterization and Best WIP, and that I was nominated as Best Author. Shock! The only problem is, I can't find where this place is – something called 'The Twilight Awards'? If you know anything about this, PM me please! **

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Eleven: Love**

* * *

When I neared the driveway to turn into the school parking lot, I wanted to turn around and drive right back to Bella's house. 

Predictable as ever, Rosalie was steaming mad that I wasn't there; they couldn't risk running away from the school in case someone was watching that they couldn't see – something that made my talent handy those types of situations.

They were stuck until I picked them up and my first sister was furious that she was forced to stand outside in the rain to wait for me; the irony that she could have been home long ago had they been able to run was antagonizing for her, to say that least.

That was almost nothing compared to how Alice was giggling in obvious good humor, having seen what was going to happen probably before Bella left the Biology classroom. She hadn't passed on the news to Emmett or Jasper yet, but I could sense that she was dying to.

Strange enough that I was having these unidentifiable feelings around Bella, now I had to think about how I didn't actually want my family to know what I had been up to that made me cut last period.

Never having kept something from my family before made it hard for me to see how I could manage this – before I remembered that I had kept the fact I could not read her mind a secret. Surely this wasn't too large a thing to keep silent?

Of course, as soon as I began making plans for it I realized that I was still indescribably and torturously thirsty in the car – her scent was permeating the entire vehicle, soaking into the fabric like water to a sponge. I would have to air out the car if I didn't want Jasper being starved for just a minute of sitting in it.

_Edward, you had better have a good explanation for disappearing on us!_ Rosalie was fuming as I pulled the car to the side of the curb; I didn't look out the window, keeping my face completely clear of any emotion at all.

No one stood around the school; the fact that they could have run if they wanted to, made me feel like moaning and hitting my head off the steering wheel like an adolescent boy. They hadn't needed to know that I took Bella home, and now they would.

Their minds were filled with confusion as I simply sat there, offering nothing – no explanations, no words, not even moving. They were used to my stoic exterior, my single-minded seclusion, but they expected me to at least try and defend myself.

I was nervous and afraid at once – not counting the leftover joy of being alone with Bella for as long as I had. No doubt Jasper was utterly confused by me. But I made no move, still scrambling to find something, anything to say in my defense for when they got in the car, as I knew they eventually would.

Alice bounded up to the car first, after a few minutes of watching the rest of our siblings. _Well, Edward, are you going to say anything or are we going to have to wait until they smell her in your car?_ She grinned at me as she stood outside the window of the passenger side seat, tapping her foot patiently.

I kept myself absolutely still for I knew that my anger was starting to simmer. When a wave of calm flowed, courtesy of Jasper, I realized that now they would be worried about me – but they already had been, I reminded myself. I still hadn't reacted to any of their thoughts.

To a human, the long wait would only have seemed like a few short seconds – but to us, it stretched on. Timeless beings knew no meaning of the word; they were confused as they all slid into the car, quickly enough that I knew they wouldn't catch her scent until they were inside.

My jaw tightened as each of them took one whiff of the scent permeating every surface and stared at me, trying to see what they feared – my eyes, red from feeding off of human blood instead of their usual honey or brown.

It was obvious that they were relived as I pulled away, glancing in the rearview mirror very briefly; my eyes were the same topaz as the morning. Their thoughts jabbered on a mile a minute, blending and mixing in the air around me.

_Man, that scent is strong! How could Edward stand being so close to her? I could swear that I would have attacked her the first moment I could, and nothing would have stopped me – and I'm not even the one drawn so much to a human of that magnitude of scent this time! But if he had her in his car, where is she now? What happened to her…_

_I have to hold my breath in here; why did he take her somewhere? For that matter, where did he take her? Even though he doesn't have the eye color that signifies the feeding, could he still have hurt that human girl? Why isn't he saying anything, either? That's not making me feel very comfortable about this situation…_

_If we have to move because of his stupidity, I swear I'm going to kill him. That idiot! Didn't he realize that we would be able to smell her in here – wait, of course he did! That's why he didn't say anything, I bet. But did he drink her or not? It doesn't matter about the eyes, there are plenty of ways to kill a human without drinking from them – did he hurt her in any way and then leave her for dead somewhere…_

_I saw what he was going to do and she's fine – but why in the world won't he say anything? I know the rest of the family is undoubtedly thinking all their concerned thoughts for you, Edward, but just say something already even if it's to – oh, wait, you are. Never mind then; go ahead._

Alice caught sight of my face in a sideways glance as my mouth opened; I was only going to sigh in annoyance, but the latest thought from Emmett – _I wonder if he really did kill her_ – made my nerves unexpectedly boil, my anger rising despite the influences of Jasper.

My voice was carefully controlled although my hands gripped the steering wheel. "It's so nice to have the confidence of my family, not even doubting that I can control myself from killing a simple human girl." The sarcasm was impossible to miss, as heavily loaded as it was.

"So she's not dead?" Jasper asked, knowing my temper and preparing to deflate it as soon as he could if it flared. Sometimes I wondered if we could bring multiple traits into our vampiric existence – if not for my mind reading, I would have sworn that my temper was enhanced. Although, after a time, I began to think that that was just one of the teenage traits I still retained, being forever seventeen.

"No." Short and to the point: I had to keep my answers sharp. Letting my words soften would invite them to ask questions when it was unnecessary for them to be worried or curious about me or anyone else – like Bella.

My protectiveness over her to my family startled me when I realized that it was what it was. Having had no claim over any creature – human or vampire – ever, not even while I was human myself, left me free from feeling bound to guard someone against anyone, let alone my family.

It was troublesome, in a way, to think that Bella caused this effect in me. That Bella had raised this dormant streak of protectiveness to a new level, not to mention other emotions that still, infuriatingly, evaded my grasp of knowledge.

I, as a 104-year-old vampire, could not figure out what it was that kept me pacing in my room all the time, twisting in thoughts and questions about this human girl. I could not for the non-existent life of me, solve the riddle to the emotions boiling inside me.

That my family hinted at things and carefully kept their minds clear of clues and ideas about what was wrong with me could be deemed far worse in my standards – not that I would ask them for help. I never asked for help from anyone, much less my family whom I kept up my stolid exterior around.

Many times over the years they had wondered what it was that made me act as I did, refuse help or suggestion and keep alone. Carlisle and Esme seemed to grow ever more worried each year that I spent in the same unchanged lifestyle.

My brothers and sisters had accepted it but every now and then, they let random worried thoughts slide – such as during family moments when each couple would hug or sit together and I would perch on a chair or my piano bench, unconcerned with their displays of affection and needing nothing to feel content.

The more I thought about it now the more I began to realize that it was a show, even to me; I had not recognized what I felt as loneliness that was hidden under everything, hidden because I denied feeling it. I pushed away the feelings and committed myself to solitude, thinking that it would bring me happiness.

And it was just now that I realized that it hadn't been true happiness that I felt, but rather fleeting peace that I desired more each time I retreated from what I felt. Like a drug addict, I had sought out the tranquility, thinking it enjoyment, and wanted more each time the loneliness came floating back into mind.

The troubling thoughts carried me through the car ride home; my siblings thankfully stopped questioning me about the short trip I took with Bella to drop her off. But that didn't stop their theorizing and mental questioning.

After I had heard, _Why did he take her somewhere_?, for possibly the twentieth time as I pulled my car to a stop in front of the house, my seething frustration was at its' boiling point. To top that off, Rosalie had grown furious at my lack of explanation and wanted answers, screaming in her mind for me to say something.

I was the first one out of the car and heading toward the house to pull different clothes on to head out with Jasper; he had mentally reminded me, along with a warning of, _Rosalie's furious, Edward. You should run for your life if you value it – and before you say it, I know; we have no lives. _

My quick footsteps on the stairs alerted Esme that I was running; she called, "Edward! Don't you hide up there; come down here!" _Whatever is he doing? It's like he's being chased with fire – oh, dear, what's got Rosalie looking murderous?_

Making it to my room, I moved in lightening speed to throw a fresh button-up shirt and an older pair of jeans on – something out of habit for hunting, in case I spilled blood on myself. Usually, a vampire wasted nothing because of the lust for blood, but I had picked up the habit to make myself blend in more as a camper in case we ran across humans. Running out of my room, I had just reached the landing of the stairs when-

"EDWARD!" _EDWARD! Get down here NOW!_

"There's no need to scream in either your mind our out loud, Rosalie." Standing in front of her was a tricky position to be in – too close and she would likely jump at you, too far and she would jump at you as well. It was a delicate balance, determined by a few millimeters of difference in either direction.

Emmett had perfected it for the number of times she had become absolutely furious with him; I was the second, having gotten into more arguments with her than I'd care to have been in. It had to be said, however, that disagreeing with me was like nothing else; I had the unfair advantage of being able to know your dispute ahead of time, before it was said aloud.

Huffing in anger and eyes pitch-black, Rosalie seemed to be just managing to hold herself back from jumping this time. Good; I got my position right. "What did you _do_, Edward?!" _Why was that human's scent all inside your car?!_

"Did something happen?" Esme intervened before Rosalie could ramp this up into a full-fledged fight – fists and snarling included._ Was someone hurt? Oh, please tell me nothing happened to the human girl…_

Calmly and quickly, I answered, "Nothing happened to anyone," as I soothed my mother. She smiled gratefully before Rosalie butted in and spoke, fuming and glaring.

"You'd best be telling the truth, Edward. Because having that human girl's scent all over the interior of your car had better not be because she's now lying dead somewhere and we're going to be chased out of this town."

Esme gaped. _His car? _"Your car?"

My jaw tightened; I had neither the patience nor the time to battle this out with either mother or sister. Jasper was standing by the door, patiently waiting to go and quietly mediating the situation. Alice watched nervously from beside him, not knowing how it was going to turn out.

Emmett chuckled noiselessly to himself, laughing at my expense of being yelled at by his wife – and certain implications of having Bella's scent all over the upholstery in my car. My fists throbbed with the need to whack his head and leave a mark to make him be silent.

But in order to do that, I had to disentangle myself from these two. "I am telling the truth," I ground out. "I simply gave her a ride home after she fainted in Biology." As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to hit myself.

"Biology!" Rosalie erupted. "You knew there was blood testing today, you idiot-."_How could he go there? I knew there was blood testing in the class today and I don't even have it! He told the human he wasn't going!_

"I wasn't in the classroom!" I shouted back. "Newton took her out, she fainted on the pavement, I took her to the nurse's office-."

"I'm so certain it was a good deed," she sneered, her eyes gaining that dangerous glint again. _You simply took her to the nurse, hmm? Sure you didn't just want to hold her, maybe?…_ Another R-rated image flashed through her mind, once again with Bella and I. "Well?"

I jumped at Rosalie, managing to catch her on the arm with a heavy punch as she plowed her feet into my chest. My loud growls tore through the air like heavy footsteps on wet rice paper; Emmett, no longer chuckling to himself, was snarling back at me and blocking my way to his wife.

Most of our fights ended up like this; her husband the barrier, Rosalie would be stopped from her taunting when either Esme or Carlisle stepped in and I would usually back down first, not truly wanting to hurt my sister but rather being antagonized to the breaking point by her thoughtlessness.

It surprised even me when the low hiss of, "Get out of my way," slipped from between my tightly clenched teeth. Jasper and Alice had my arms tightly pulled behind my back, but at this point I was beyond caring about how incapacitated I was. The strange protectiveness in me was raised by Rosalie's thoughts and it was nearly impossible not to obey.

_He never does that; he's never tried to keep getting at Rose…_ Emmett stared at me for a brief moment before he growled back, the tiniest bit hesitantly, "No."

Esme scolded, "Both of you, stop this right now. Now, I don't know what you thought, Rosalie, but apologize to your brother and end this fight." _The same goes to you, Edward; stop trying to hurt Rosalie and let go of whatever she said. We know how she is; don't keep fighting over something pointless. _

My muscles relaxed as my eyes stayed locked with Emmett's; he backed down, knowing that I was letting whatever his wife had thought go. Jasper and Alice slowly let me go and backed off.

Rosalie sighed, crossing her arms and shaking out her long, blond hair. "Fine, Edward, sorry. Go on your little mini-trip with Jasper now, okay?" _Eat a deer, or a wolf, so you can help yourself before you head out with Emmett tomorrow for some real hunting. _

I backed off slowly, still angry with her; I knew that she was just trying to rile me up, but that didn't matter. I had to defend Bella in the way that these strange new emotions indicated. The tension slowly dissipated as I walked out the door, Jasper following behind me; Alice closed the door softly behind herself.

"I'll go pick up Bella's truck and take it to her," she offered, smiling at me. Of course she had seen my conversation with Bella; I smiled at her and nodded before she disappeared, running back to the school to literally 'pick up Bella's truck' and take it home.

Jasper and I headed out, running into the forest for a small 'snack'. He was quiet enough, his thoughts focused on hunting at the moment and not too deeply thinking about anything in particular. I was glad for that; any thoughts other than mine invading my mind while I hunted always disrupted my focus.

Because of that, I usually ended up going off by myself on large family trips – but with a single sibling, I could easily accept the thoughts and not think too much about them going through my mind. Hunting with just one of my family members was always a Zen-like experience, a kind of meditation.

Like now, for instance; just by running with Jasper through the forest in search of a single wolf or deer to hold me until I left with Emmett in nine or so hours, I was able to fully let my mind go. His similar thoughts of hunger and thirst blended into mine and I could hear that because of his gift, he felt the same way – at peace, somehow, while searching through the thick foliage and humid air for prey.

We caught the scent of a herd of deer upwind from us and veered sharply toward it, heading straight through the trees. My hunger, aroused by my proximity to Bella for that day, had the venom flowing down my dry, parched throat before I had even left the house; I was ravenous right now, nearly as bad as Jasper had to fight much of the time.

The downside to being out with Jasper right now was that our gifts had us feeding off of each other's hunger – he felt my emotions and it increased his double fold, and by hearing his thoughts my own mind heard both sets of strong needs for blood.

Deer wasn't as sweet, as satisfying, as …say, mountain lion. My favorite; it was a sweet and slightly fruity, if it could be called that, scent that I absolutely craved. Not as bad as Bella's, of course, but enough that if I were thirsty and had to hunt I would immediately zero in on it.

Abstaining from human blood was no easy task, especially due to its appeal to our senses; but animal blood held a scent that could be considered good if we were hungry for blood. All things considered, once we started drinking it was a wondrous taste that made us crave more, letting us feel full once we were done – but not satisfied. Animal blood never satisfied us the way human blood did.

Once the clearing the deer were in came into view, we slowed to a halt and carefully moved to close them in on two sides, our movements unconsciously in tune with each other. One more thing that made vampires sadistic and destined for hell; the way we fed.

It was straightforward, the biting and drinking part, of course. But vampires lusted after the scent of fear in their prey's blood; even as 'vegetarian' vampires, we still acted in the same scare-then-attack way. Adrenaline pulsing through the veins of our food, fear in their eyes, wafting off of them in waves, panic taking over as they ran from their pursuer only to run into a trap…it was addictive.

Instinct guided at this point; circling closer to our prey like vultures, there to suck them dry and kill and destroy.

No conscious thought, just rapid, pulsing blood flowing through veins, alert heads quirking up as Jasper makes a noticeable movement, my turn as I step forward.

They know they should be scared and yet don't run: afraid we would chase. And we would: pursue and bite and kill and tear. All we can think, all we know.

No trace of civility left; only lust for blood. Only want, need – the scent is incredibly strong and yet there is not movement from either one of us.

We wait, wait, wait…one makes a small movement back, knowing something is wrong. It won't get away; this small herd of five is going nowhere.

The hunters are thirsty – strike. Blood warm, pulsing, flowing…drink. Suck the liquid thirstily and move onto the next one as it tries to run but gets only a few feet.

When we gain control of ourselves again, and the instinct that each and every vampire has, has receded, we tear the bodies into particles just by crushing them. What I am – our strength is multiple times that of any human, any other creature. Even a werewolf isn't as strong – they can only tear the skin with their sharp claws and teeth. We can actually dent our own skin and make ourselves bend or break.

The simplicity of covering our kills always astounds and saddens me; we can kill so easily and hide it so effortlessly. How can something like that, like me, not be destined for hell?

The question always eludes the answer, and this is no exception. Jasper shook my out of my thoughts by quietly saying, "Why do you think about that all the time?" _Whenever you get sad or angry like this, it's because you're once again convincing yourself we're all destined to go to hell. _

"I'm just thinking the truth. It's what we are, and it's how we act." We began heading back toward the house, walking to allow ourselves a bit of time.

"How can you really believe that?" _How can someone really believe that they are so evil that they deserve nothing – not even a small happiness this world has to offer? _

Sighing, I answered, "Because I don't see how someone who has killed so many lives can possibly be destined for anywhere else. Because I have killed so many lives – not even just human, either, but so many creatures – that I see no hope for redemption."

I paused, and then continued more quietly, "And because I don't want the small, simple pleasures the world could offer me."

"Why do you say that?" _Don't you notice?_

"I say that because there has never been anyone that interested me in all my years of non-living. And notice what?" My forehead creased; what did Jasper mean by that?

_I don't know how he couldn't have figured it out yet. _He thought to himself; after a moment's pause, he carefully spoke, his mind reflecting nothing other than his words.

"Think about it…there's a person, someone you don't know well enough to think about all the time and yet you do. They aggravate you and make you feel afraid and scared, and you eventually deal with it and look at them more closely. You want to be with them and talk to them, but at the same time are afraid you'll hurt them somehow, be it physically or otherwise. And the whole time, you also want to know everything they think so you don't do anything wrong."

I snorted inaudibly – to a human – and replied, "Yes, that's how I feel around Bella, Jasper, I know. What's the point of this?" We had come into the clearing around our home and were now making our way up to the front entrance.

He smiled slightly. "But Edward, I was describing how I felt around Alice the first few days I knew her." _The anxiety, the stress, the hope and joy and pain all turning into interest and depression if she's not near, and the happiness when you see her and jealousy when you see her with someone else…_

The shock of what Jasper was telling me penetrated even my 'thick skull' as Rosalie sometimes referred to it – everything he described was like a shock to my non-beating heart. It was word for word; everything that I had felt from the moment I first met Bella over a month ago until now.

"You think…" I couldn't even finish saying what I heard him thinking.

He confirmed it out loud as we stepped up to the front door of our home. "You feel the same way about Bella as I do about Alice." _Don't deny it; I can feel what you are, you know. It's true. _

To me, it was like a blast of heat erupting fire-hot on my skin. Sudden and I was utterly unprepared for it; my response was to freeze in place where we were before the front door and stare at him wide-eyed.

I had known there was something I felt about her, something I had never had opportunity – or want – to feel before. I had never searched for it anywhere, even after Esme came into Carlisle's life, Emmett to Rosalie's, or when I had seen Jasper and Alice's closeness. Foreign and unapproached, the topic stayed untouched for as long as I could remember – none of my family had dared breach the subject with me before.

At least, they kept quiet about it vocally; their thoughts were as loud and untamed as ever when each had wondered about my solitary stance, one after another. Carlisle had begun to worry for me after Esme had come, and that was when Rosalie was changed. But since she was only my sister, they kept the worry in their hearts.

Rosalie was confused about my rejection of her cautious testing of my boundaries, my limits to see what I thought of her. But she realized very quickly that she wasn't truly attracted to me at all, and so had left matters be, nothing needed being said between the two of us.

Emmett was next to join the family and so next to wonder about me. But even he didn't broach the subject with me; neither he nor Rosalie knew that I heard their conversation until after it was done, but he thought that I might have lost my mate from my solid alone time that I spent shut away, not seeing anyone for days on end.

Rosalie explained to him that I was simply not interested in anyone, and I poked my head into the room before they could leave to tell him that I wasn't gay, either, so he could stop wondering that too. It sparked our first wrestling match, if I remember correctly, and I gladly won.

Alice and Jasper came at the same time to our family, together and happy and looking for the coven that she had seen in her visions as their family. Jasper had been the first to wonder about me, being more perceptive, intuitive, to the people around him than Alice was – she saw what the future would hold and didn't often notice the people in front of her.

She was the only one to actually ask me about it, and I never gave her a straight answer – it might have been because I truly didn't know what everyone thought I was missing out on, or it could have to do with the fact that my family had all paused and waited to hear my reply to the long-awaited question.

But I didn't know what I was missing, and now I did. All those years I had been alone, all those times I never took notice of what I did not have because I had the semblance of contentment, I thought I was simply living. Now, I see I was looking.

Searching for someone or something that I didn't have; a feeling that I could not find for anyone in ways other than what I felt for my brothers, sisters, and parents. That was what I was looking for and didn't know I was missing. What they all had, and now Jasper seemed to think I felt for Bella.

Love.

Those four letters, that one word, was so foreign and strange to me that I couldn't do much more than stare at him; I needed an explanation. I didn't understand what this was – I had no experience with the emotions I felt for her and now seemed to have names tagged onto them.

He smiled at me – I felt like the younger brother for once. Young, inexperienced in the ways of the world, of the heart, unlike he was. "You didn't know?" _Or did you not notice?_

"I-I noticed, but I didn't know…I didn't know what it was," I murmured, almost to myself but loud enough for him to hear. He nodded, leaving it at that, secure in the knowledge that I now had a clue as to what was making me act so differently and needed time to think.

Love. Could that really be what I felt for her, for Bella? It seemed like such a bewildering concept that I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I was Edward – I was the loner – and here I was, utterly confused about a human girl that my brother thought I loved.

I couldn't think about it right now; I didn't want to think about everything that I was discovering about myself today. I had plenty of time to think on the hunting trip that was mere hours away – and it was just barely getting dark out. I had plenty of time.

Time to watch over Bella. I darted inside and threw on clean clothes – mine had bits of twigs and some mud on them from kneeling beside fallen deer to drink. As I was leaving, I managed to evade my family and where they were stationed in the house, enjoying themselves and mulling over Jasper's revelation to me as well.

The house is absolutely full of eavesdroppers; it's a wonder I was able to keep my small secret at all. Granted, I never said anything about it out loud, but the principle of the matter is there – my family is a bunch of busybodies when it comes to a family member and their secrets.

My feet hit the ground outside the house and I was whipping through the trees, speeding to Bella's house and a few blessed hours of watching her sleep. Bur all the while I ran, the word repeated in my head, an endless question that I had not an answer for.

Love?

* * *

**A/N – I promised you I would give you an update by today! Of course, the fact that it's tonight instead of during the day just shows you how hard I worked on this chapter today! **

**And if you don't know when I promised this, I said it in the A/N of my newest story, 'Curse' for the Twilight Fanfiction section. Try checking it out too, please! I need people to give me tips on my writing!**

**I can't promise and update incredibly soon, but I can say that I'll try my darn hardest to get the next one up here soon! **

**Please, a request: when you review, seriously tell me if I made spelling or grammar mistakes or not! I want to improve my writing, but I can't if you don't help me! Thanks! **


	11. Hunting Trip

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Twelve: Hunting Trip**

* * *

I stayed back from her house that night until her bedroom light went off – then I snuck up, climbing on the tree outside her window and perching on the ledge of her bedroom window. She didn't make a single sound as I pulled the window open and climbed in, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner.

It was torturous, sitting there and watching her sleep while knowing I couldn't, myself – and having no idea if what Jasper had told me truly was what I felt for her. As I had reminded myself countless times, this was new territory and I was a visitor.

If I couldn't even figure out myself and my feelings, how could I hope to try and understand what went through her mind at any given moment? Indeed, who was I to sit here in her bedroom in the late hours of night and watch over her, destructive demon intent on – on what?

Protecting her? She should be protected from me. Keeping a watch in interest of learning more about her? Plausible, given that she talked out loud in her sleep at any point in time – but that didn't sound entirely right.

Or was it something so simple I couldn't even grasp it? The thought flew in my mind – and then out when she whispered, "Green."

My forehead creased in confusion; what was she talking about? "It's too green," she mumbled, before muttering almost angrily, "Where's brown? Trees meant to be brown, not green…crazy Forks …"

I bit my lips, hiding my smirk; so she didn't like the green? Considering she came from the desert in Phoenix, I suppose her wishes for less of the moss in this tiny town were acceptable.

After that, she mumbled a few more things in her sleep; some wishes to go home, a few snorts of displeasure over fish – and her last word that night, my name. "Edward…" she sighed before rolling over and curling up.

Like it was the signal I had been waiting for, I slipped out of her house at that final word, feeling for all the world like I had learned so much tonight – only to have many more questions raised in their place.

The most I knew was that I was interested in something about Bella Swan – but what in the world it could be I had no possible idea. If Jasper was right, then this was dangerous – not only for her safety, but also because she was human.

I was a vampire, immortal and with a never-ending lifespan. Something like that between us was impossible, illogical. I shouldn't want her – indeed, I should not want anyone, either human or otherwise.

It was a steady balance between two things in regards to Bella. The first being her scent was entirely too strong for me to be trusted around her – and the second being that she would someday die. It was inevitable that she would meet that end, for everything good would someday cease to exist on this world.

Even though I knew it was true and I should not want to be closer to Bella, it didn't stop the welling of sadness at the thought of never seeing her face again. It was a steady feeling that settled in the pit of my stomach and appeared that it would not move for a good long time.

A vampire I might be, but even so I did not wish to waste my time thinking about my feelings right now. I had plenty of time for that later, during the hunt that Emmett and I were going to leave for in – I checked my wrist again – barely two hours.

That was enough time to listen to a long CD in my room and try to drown out all the thoughts that plagued my mind; heading into the house quietly and unnoticed by my family, I darted upstairs to do just that.

* * *

When I hunt with a family member, they understand that their thoughts can distract me far too easily from what we are doing. That is why I split off from the group to find prey by myself, in the relative quiet of the forests where we hunt down our meals. I came for a bit of serenity and the ability to feed myself without harming humans in the process. 

I did not come out to the wilderness to listen to my brother voice random thoughts in his mind.

Closing my eyes, I tried not to grip the tree branch too tightly with my bare hands. If I was going to drop down on the herd of deer below me, I wanted it to be quiet so I could hear separate breaths of the creatures, determine where they were going to go if they managed to get away…and I wanted to feed. No, I needed to feed; the thirst was closing in on me, tight and growling as ever.

The only obstacle was overcoming the annoying tune that Emmett kept repeating in his mind, over and over and over and over and over….

Finally it was more than I could take. With a snarl, I leapt down – to the branch below mine in the tree. Not the deer – they started and began running, taking their scent with them. No, I was now growling and glaring at my brother, younger in most senses of the word, and feeling about ready to kill him.

Most of the time, it wouldn't annoy me in the slightest that Emmett had decided to be annoying today while we hunted. I would have simply moved further away from his thought range before he could notice that I was gone and gotten a bit of hunting time in.

But the anxiety that welled within me was directly related to the fact that I was nowhere near Bella right now. Even I knew that, and I was the 'clueless' older brother – who had needed his youngest brother explain to him that he was head over heels for a girl. A human one, no less.

"Emmett!" My angry snarl tore through his head, catching him off-balance. He might not have realized that he was thinking the tune on endless repeat, but all the same, he was.

"Wha–," he wobbled on the branch, nearly falling off to the forest ground below. _What's his problem? I wasn't thinking anything, was I? Whatever it is, it must be bad if his temper got that appalling that fast._

"You're humming."

He frowned, trying to remember, before eying me. "No, I'm not." _If I had been humming out loud, the deer would have startled and run already. _

"In your head," I growled impatiently, in no mood for his idiocy at that time. If he knew he wasn't humming the tune out loud, then he certainly knew it was in his head; he was either thinking of it on purpose to antagonize me or he was simply being his annoying self. Either possibility seemed likely.

"I was?" _I didn't know that._

My impatience got the better of me and I leapt to the ground from the branches we had been crouched on. When my feet hit the ground, I stalked away through the trees, leaving my confused brother behind me to think about what had made my temper flare.

Granted, I knew that I was being irrational. I knew that he wasn't being exasperating on purpose, that he was simply trying to pass time before attacking prey. But something had me tightly wound, and I didn't like it – thus I lashed out in anger.

It certainly wasn't fair to Emmett that I reacted as I had to a tune that got stuck in his head. But I could no bring myself to run back and apologize; instead, I chose to keep going towards the mountains and some prey that wasn't noisy like my brother.

It all looped back to Bella, though. My anxiety and the tension that laced through me like adrenaline had as a human – it was all part of the fact that I wasn't there for her. I couldn't defend her against danger, and I was so positive that something would happen to her that I couldn't concentrate on anything else.

I was stewing about it again when Emmett found me just after my latest kill – just a wolf, nothing more. But it obviously meant something to him.

_He only eats those when he's thinking too hard; I bet he ate those for weeks before he came to the conclusion that he's not meant to be happy with anyone. Damn it._

"I can hear what you're thinking," I said over my shoulder. He was just standing there, thinking his thoughts loud enough to catch my attention from miles away. "Say what you want then leave."

Emmett sat down beside me on the rock I had chosen. It was a rather spectacular view from this tiny hill – the trees and green and I knew that far off past the horizon, somewhere out there was Bella. I wanted nothing more than to run to her – and nothing more than to make myself stay away for her sake.

"You know," he began. "I never thought I'd see you mooning over girl."_ Whatever happened to 'no one would or should ever want to be with a monster like me'? _

Rolling my eyes, I answered grumpily, "Who says I want her?" I hadn't said it, Jasper had – and even though I knew he was right, I was reluctant to admit it to myself that I felt a growing attraction to Bella.

I didn't need to see his face to know how dumbstruck he looked right now. "Don't want her? How – what –." _Is he serious? Can he not see it, even after Jasper told him straight out what was going on?_

"Of course I see it," I snorted, "but that doesn't mean I'm going to do anything." Never mind that I was finding I wanted to act on my emotions and be near her – the fact remained that I simply shouldn't.

I was a monster, as I had known and thought to myself time and time again. Nothing could stop the destruction I caused on the Earth, the lives I took yearly to stay alive. There was nothing I could do to stop what I did to survive, and nothing could stop me from hurting Bella if I couldn't control myself.

Control was hard to master. Being the first vampire taken into this new life that Carlisle had designed for us, I had more experience than the others – a level of control equal to that of Carlisle's on a flat basis. But Bella was an unexpected bump in the road that I didn't think I could handle.

My family thought my rigid self-control was the same as Carlisle's even if I didn't work in a hospital like he did. Little did they know I had it as hard as they did – in fact, the only thing that helped me hold back was hearing the thoughts of my natural prey.

Being able to understand what was running through the head of a human I hunted was enough to make me stop if I lost control; even in those few years that I had dropped away from Carlisle's clan, ten years after I had been changed, listening to the thoughts of the victimized made the sweet blood bitter.

It took a long time for me to see that even as I drank from the evil humans plaguing the streets of cities I walked through, I heard some small goodness inside them. Not everyone was purely evil – except, of course, for the hunter. And I was the worst hunter there could possibly be.

With my advantage of knowing thoughts, it would be the worst sin possible for me to hunt and kill humans, to drink my natural diet instead of abstaining and pursuing animals less advanced than they.

And that was why it was absolutely forbidden for me to be near Bella – she was pure and good, so much that I could not even hear what was in her mind. The intrigue was there and had managed to help me keep her alive for our first encounter.

A small bit of me was curious enough, underneath the hunger, to want to discover why I couldn't hear what she thought; so I kept her alive and left before she could come to harm.

Now that I was seeing into her mind, bit-by-bit in conversations and observations, it was becoming clear how good a person she was. Bella was a beautiful, wise and generous person that my darkness would eclipse totally if it were given the chance.

I should not give it the chance to harm her. I would not let my natural instincts make me cause her harm and take away the light she gave away. She was all vibrancy and life and joy, whereas I was the complete and utter opposite.

Emmett couldn't seem to grasp that. "What do you mean, you're not going to do anything about it?" _All right, there might be the little issue that she isn't immortal –._

"Little?" I scoffed. "Who said that was a 'little' issue? I would consider that a very large issue, Emmett."

He began to answer, but I cut him off quickly. "She's human. I'm a vampire, a bloodsucking demon that shouldn't be anywhere near her – much less wishing to spend time with her beyond that which is necessary. It's utterly ridiculous to think beyond that, regardless of any feeling you or anyone else seems to think I have."

Even though I knew myself well enough to see that I was falling for Bella – badly. It was not a good thing in many ways; first and foremost on my mind was the concern that I would kill her within a lapse of barely a moment's control.

It belonged to a nightmare which you didn't think you woke up from, a dream that seemed to continue on into waking hours because of reality's regret to assert itself and gain control of the panic.

I couldn't remember sleep, not with the amount of time I had been alive. The only thing left over in remembrance of those hours in which rest was taken was the certainty of how nightmares could become real. And me killing Bella was the worst nightmare there was – because in all likelihood, it might happen.

Emmett still wouldn't accept what I believed to be – knew to be – true. "Just because you think you don't deserve anything, Edward, that doesn't mean I'm going to agree with you." _In fact, I really disagree – can't you see what you'd do to yourself if you tried to stay away from her like you already have?_

"Who said I was going to avoid her, Emmett?" I sighed. Really, couldn't he see anything?

"What?" _But you just said –._

And he though I was dense at times.

"Just because I know that I might as well destroy her life for pursuing companionship, that doesn't mean that I'm strong enough to stay away from her – you saw already how well that went. I should back off, I should not want to be near her, I should not enjoy spending time with her, not considering the insurmountable danger she's in –."

"But you will." _Because you feel something you haven't felt at all before, and you want to know why just as much as you want to be around this human girl. _

I looked at him dead in the eye, and it was clear to me that I was confirming it even as I whispered, "I shouldn't."

Leaning back on his large arms, Emmett considered me for a moment before saying slowly, "Just because you don't think it's right, in you point of view, then that means she doesn't deserve a shot at happiness too?" _Who says that you get to make all the choices for the both of you?_

"I'm trying to keep her safe. She doesn't know the danger." Frustration gripped me; what did he want to say? He was playing around what he wanted to convey, and I was tired of this game that would start in moments. "Emmett, say what you want to and be done with it. What do you think?"

Again, he observed me for a moment before continuing, "There isn't much I can really tell you to do. You are strong enough to handle the scent, which you've proven just by keeping yourself from killing her the first time. Now, there's the fact that she might have to know our secret." _And that means everything about us, if you're serious about continuing your pursuit of something that you don't think you deserve._

"Because I can't justify it," I replied automatically as my mind whirred and clicked. "There's no telling where this might go; she's too smart for her own good. She does suspect that there's something not entirely…human…about us. But I can't tell what I should do or not."

"Then for the time being, don't tell her anything. Let yourself be a little bit closer to her if you think this might turn out more serious, but don't be an idiot." _Even though you are one for getting this started in the first place. At least keep your control in check._

"I think I can manage myself, Emmett," I responded dryly as my brother stood up and began heading into the trees again. "Thank you for your help."

"No problem!" he called over his shoulder as he headed off into the trees, leaving me to my thoughts.

There wasn't much of a choice from where I stood, although I knew Emmett had thought of the initial one. There was either to stay and continue this pursuit of Bella, or leave her – and my home – behind.

Leave my home, my family, my life, and the only chance at love that I had ever come across. It was a small chance at something that I should never rightfully have, considering I was what I was compared to her as a human.

Or I could stay and risk everything that my family had built for us in this tiny, rain-filled town. Risk Bella's life in direct proportion to my ability to control myself and stop from murdering the young woman who seemed to become the center of everything for me – effortlessly.

She wasn't even here, and I found myself considering what she might be doing right then; it was only mid-afternoon at best, possibly not even that. A vampire had no need to track human time on a hunting trip – unless they were my family and we ran the risk of straying into a human-populated area in our hunting grounds.

It was a simple choice between what I should do and what I truly, truly wanted – I couldn't deny it to myself that I was completely infatuated with Bella Swan, no matter how hard I tried. It was an accepted fact.

I was falling for a human girl, and there was a high possibility that I would murder her with the loss of one moment of control.

That all made my choice completely clear; I was staying in Forks, and I was going to be hot on the trail of Bella Swan before she realized that I was. The complexity of my situation confused me many times over before I shoved it away, locking the anxious thoughts back until later.

The first thing I had to do was hunt and take my mind off of her to do it – then I could resume my agonized thoughts about a single human girl in peace.

* * *

Three days. Three entire days, each passing by so quickly and yet agonizingly slow, crawling by at a snail's pace. A snail compared to a vampire – running. It was, in short, utter torture as I waited out the hunting trip with Emmett constantly beside me. 

All I had was that brief break of thought before Emmett had come back to where I sat – and then stayed far too close for comfort for the rest of the trip. Several times I got fed up enough to pick a fight and win most of them.

Most of what I tried to do to repel his presence – running away being the main one – he evaded quite easily and I was once more sucked into the conversation that occurs when an older brother decides his younger one needs a crash course in the opposite sex.

It was aggravating to the point that I wanted to kill him. Successfully, this time, making certain he would never walk the Earth again as an immortal.

The only difference in our long-winded and repetitive talks was that he also added in the argument over Bella's humanity to the usual brotherly advice. My patience reached a breaking point once he began wondering about things other than my feelings for her – that was the point I had literally snapped at him and headed off in a huff.

It was with great pleasure that I returned to the car that was waiting for the two of us just outside the hunting area when our three days were up. I was never the vocal one in our family, one to talk about thoughts and other such matters despite that I could read them like books.

Jasper was more prone to talking about feelings – considering that he felt each and every one that passed through the rest of us, there was little else he could do to alleviate his own discomfort if the emotions flying around him were far too intense to handle.

But even so, Jasper was not truly a part of our family by his own choice. He felt the guilt of having taken human lives for many, many years – I myself was only on the hunt for human prey for three years, after those I could determine were evil, and I found the death toll over me harsh at times. He had taken lives too many to count – I could only begin to imagine what he must feel.

Emmett parked the car outside the house once we arrived back in Forks – and I leapt out the passenger side, intent on heading towards Bella's house. There was little else I had been able to consider during the past few hours – days, even – but her.

My brother knew what distracted me after his latest attempt at a talk when I would drown him out; his thoughts frequently claimed it was making him go crazy out there in the woods with no one talking to him. My silence drove him insane, whereas his incessant chatter was maddening. Truly, we were opposites.

But that wasn't much of a reason for me to stop my worrying about Bella. She was accident prone – which I had noticed just over those few months that I had known her – and there was no telling what she might have managed to do to herself if she was alone for all three days.

Of course, she hadn't really been alone all that much. There was that abominable beach trip to the Quileute territory that I had no reason to stop her from going on. Doubtless, she might have listened to me anyway if I had precautioned her not to go – but I really had no right to ask her that.

"Hey," Emmett called to me as I headed into the trees beside our house. I heard the family inside, starting to make their way to the doors; I didn't want to see them right now, however. "Where are you headed off to?" _I know, but say it anyway, Eddie…_

"Like you don't know, Emmett," I replied, flashing a short smile back over my shoulder as I stepped to the trees. "I'll be back later." With that, I took off into the trees as the rest of them stepped outside.

It wasn't that I wanted to avoid my family – that was never something that I would want. But as it stood, I didn't think I could handle listening to them spout off theories or try and get me to talk as Emmett had been doing for the past 72 hours.

Already I heard Alice in my mind as I darted nimbly past trees and shrubs. _You're not escaping a nice long chat that easily, Edward. When you get back, we'll be here waiting. And don't take too long, honestly: just until she stops talking for the night, all right? And I'll see it, you can be sure of that! _

A wonderful conversation was planned in the horizon, courtesy of my sister; it was one that I'd rather I was able to miss. But I picked up that she had a vision while we were gone – I would find out what it was when I arrived home. Another incentive to come back quickly, as opposed to later.

Slowing as I approached her house, I took a short breath to start getting used to the aroma that permeated the entire area around her home. My surprise showed clearly on my face as I realized that I was catching her scent from much closer quarters than I had thought I would.

It took me a few minutes until I pinpointed her location and moved closer. Taking careful steps to avoid startling her, I leaned around a tree and saw Bella sitting whole and upright against a tree.

If I had a heart, it would have been pounding triumphantly now. The snarling monster inside me wanted her blood desperately, but that was something I told it sternly that it would never have.

Seeing her made me feel complete again; I had missed her over those 72 hours, so much that I felt a sense of well being now that I was once more close to her. Albeit, I was a few dozen yards away in the interest of her safety, but at the same time I was on the same basic land as she.

Time passed slowly as I took in every detail of her; stiff posture, slightly creased eyebrows, and a bemused expression…until it softened. She melted back, her frown disappearing, and her eyes clearing.

She had obviously made some type of decision, I concluded in puzzlement. The question was what of and why now. Her mind was as blank to me as ever, but I swiftly and silently made my way closer to her in a vain attempt to hear what she was thinking. If I couldn't hear her in our single class together, sitting beside her, how could I hear her from a few feet away?

Suddenly, she stood as I neared her by a few more feet. Freezing in place, I watched as Bella stood up and began hurrying back along the path, her hood lowered in the face of the rain coming down through the canopy of the trees.

I stayed where I was for the time being. There was no hurry to get moving to her side, for it was hardly time for her to fall asleep. Instead, I began walking at human speed back through the trees to my family, the intense worry diminished as I had seen her face – alive and well.

Hopefully, for a long time yet despite whatever damage I might manage to afflict upon her.

* * *

**A/N – Because someone asked about this, I thought I would mention that Alice picked up Bella's truck and ran it home – literally. :) **

**Also, I would like it to be noted that I am so, so sorry that this has taken so long to update! Real Life is cracking down on me really hard, and I just barely set aside some time to work on this. I try to stay faithful to working hard, but this is very hard to keep up with because I am becoming obsessive-compulsive about making this story good. **

**Thank you everyone for the support that you show me on this story! I've said it before and I'll say it again – I really can't believe that so many of you like this! Honestly, I never thought it was good enough to deserve all the support you show! Thank you, thank you, and thank you!**

**ON A PERSONAL NOTE: I have been saving this update for a few days – not many, maybe two or three more than you'd prefer – because today, March 20th, is my BIRTHDAY! Here's your party favor (tee-hee!)! **

**Also, I have updated every single one of my fanfics today because I decided to make that my birthday gift to all of you. You're lucky I managed to finish all the chapters – I've been working like mad to get everything done for you by today:) I hope you'll check out all the others, too! **

**For Harry Potter, that means 'Karaoke Countdown' and 'Desecration Smile'; for Maximum Ride, that means 'Savin' Me', and for Twilight that means 'Curse', 'Story of my Life', 'Darkest Before Dawn', and even a one-shot in 'Snapshots of Time'. Enjoy!**


	12. Blowout

**It wouldn't let me post on Wednesday! This chapter was done on Wednesday! **

**But I would love to thank the wonderful, lovely Addie W. whom I absolutely love because of her story ('Edward's Uploading Solution'). Her thing is the only reason I've managed to put this up today. I LOVE YOU ADDIE W. !!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**_Sunrise_ **

**Chapter Thirteen: Blowout**

* * *

Bella's sleep talking that night was the same as all the other previous occasions. She grumbled on about how annoying that Newton boy was, and how she didn't want to be in the center of attention, until at last she mumbled my name once and her words trailed away.

That was when I knew that she wouldn't be talking any more that night; the inevitable had come. I felt like moaning out loud as I stood and carefully slunk out of the room, heading back toward home.

Alice was waiting for me on the first floor before I even stepped onto the land the owner of the house also had command over. Our acres of land were quite vast in comparison to the entire town of Forks, but it didn't really matter all that much to us.

Vampires didn't get attached to material possessions very easily. There were only so many years something could survive before it became outdated according to humans or started falling apart because it was ancient.

Plus, there was the fact that we would always be there – immortal beings had little use for objects that would disappear in a few years without very good care. Land was one of those things that couldn't be taken care of meticulously like other things – books or jewelry, for instance.

I arrived home within minutes of leaving Bella's house and heard Alice's excited mind jabbering in my head – but none of it made sense. I saw that my family was waiting in the living room for me to arrive back home as well.

_What would he say if he knew? Oh, Edward, I can't believe this! This is – this is fantastic! I can't believe it!_

Frowning, I tried to figure out what my sister was thinking about. It didn't make sense to me – when I had left, she was contemplating what to say to me about my actions from the hunting trip Emmett and I had gone on. What she was thinking now didn't fit that at all.

Even if Emmett had said something to her about our camping trip, that still wouldn't merit this reaction to that. I wondered if she had had a vision – but I dismissed that. What could she possibly see about me that involved Bella? I couldn't think of anything.

This didn't make any sense to me. What had changed in the last hours since I had been here at home? I couldn't think of anything that might have happened right off the bat. Cautious, I made my way up to the front door quickly.

When I walked in the door, everyone turned toward me. It was slightly disconcerting to be in the middle of the focus of everyone in the room. Usually I tried to back away from being in the center of attention like this, but I found that I wasn't able to make a dash for my room at the moment.

I struggled to keep my face clear and innocent. I still couldn't figure out what they were trying to hide from me – the minds of my family were kept on shallow surfaces, reflecting back to me and keeping the inside thoughts away from me.

It wasn't too often that this happened – except for when they wanted to hide something from me. All they did was continuously think about one thing in a continuous cycle. Of course, there were other dead giveaways.

Such as Emmett's persistence in always thinking in a loop about human food.

_Cheeseburgers, hot dogs, French fries, French bread, crepes, sugar, potatoes, cream, coffee, tea, milk, soda, cookies, chips, chocolate, cereal…_

"Do you have a food fixation, Emmett?" I asked casually as I placed my keys on the table standing behind the front door carefully. That was my point to them that I knew something was up – we could simply toss the keys there and know they would make it without a glance.

However, I stopped, placed the keys carefully on the corner I always left mine at, and turned around, taking my time. The thoughts I heard immediately turned to what I could possibly have already heard.

There was absolute silence in the house besides the thoughts. I listened to the minds and waited – impatiently. As time dragged on, I finally got fed up. "What are you hiding from me?"

Emmett gave me a smile so wide I was afraid about what it could possibly be. Taking a few steps closer, I listened to both his words and his mind. "Nothing's being hidden from you." _Did he guess? Does Edward know? _

"Know what?" My eyes zeroed in on him. He didn't say anything, but blinked at me, pretending shock. _Who was thinking to him? I bet it was Alice!_

"No, Emmett, it was you." Still, no one said a word to me. "What is it?" I growled. I did not like this – they were certainly not telling me something, and I for one wanted to know exactly what they thought I shouldn't know.

Esme stepped forward and pulled me forward by the shoulder calmly. Inside, she was practically bursting with happiness and her thoughts flew thick and fast in my head. All I caught was a gist of something, a feeling of something or another.

Outside, she was perfectly serene and at peace. When I was close enough to the group – five feet away – she deemed it close enough for my reclusive self to talk. Turning back to me, she was glowing as she asked, "How was your hunting trip, Edward?"_ Did you enjoy spending time with your brother? _

My eyes narrowed on her as I tried to figure out what she really wanted. However, nothing was making sense in her mind – she was female, and skilled from years and years of practice at chattering to herself in her head and staying away from the subject at hand. "Fine."

_Okay, so we're back to one-word answers, again: how interesting._ "Really?" Esme's tone was that of bare, minimum interest. "Well, that's nice…so where were you just now, Edward?"_ I'd bet anything he was over at that lovely young girl's house. _

That was their trap, was it? "You know where I was, Esme," I moaned, crossing my arms over my chest. "Why do you want to know any more?" Surely they all knew where I was – that's what Alice had to have told them.

"Well," Rosalie purred, "I can't remember you ever telling us where you went."_ How come you think we already know? _I searched her mind for a moment – and saw instantly that I had made a mistake.

Not a single one of them did know where I was, that much I could tell in the cloudiness that they were trying to create. I couldn't push through the fog, having only the power and not the knowledge of how it worked.

Expectantly waiting for me to speak, each golden eye was trained on my where I stood in the center of attention once more. What could I say? There wasn't anything I could deny – I didn't know if they had hints and clues or were just testing me.

Had I said something to them at all? I couldn't recall telling them anything, but then again, I might just not remember. There was no way to know if I told them what occupied my evenings yet or not if I couldn't remember.

My silence was taken as reluctance to speak. Jasper stopped my fretted worrying when he quietly spoke up from beside his wife. "Alice told us that you had run off to go see Bella."_ Rosalie is just trying to make you talk. _

Rosalie shot him a scowl and turned back towards me. Abruptly, I realized that for the first time in a long while, she wasn't glaring at me, as she was prone to do ever since I became interested in Bella.

In fact, I could swear that she looked torn between anxious relief and agonized frustration. It was an odd mixture, and her thoughts weren't quite shallow enough to let me see beneath the turbulent surfaces.

She considered me for a long, drawn out moment before crossing her arms angrily and snapping, "Fine, we knew that. Now, tell us what you're plan is Edward and be quick about it. This argument you missed out on is getting old."_ He couldn't seriously do it – angst-ridden Edward? Doing something like that? Not possible._

The end of my rope was coming to a fast end. "What are you talking about?" My eyes darted around the members of my family as a sudden nervousness curled into a pit in my stomach. "What is that supposed to mean, Rosalie?"

"You can't keep pretending this way, Edward. Just tell us," she sneered, tapping her foot impatiently._ I want an explanation, and I want one now. _

This was becoming the most confusing discussion with my family I had ever had. "What am I supposed to tell you?" Now I was supposed to know something, was I? Well, quite obviously, I didn't know. And I was planning to find out what they thought I was hiding.

"Stop hiding it! We know about your plan, Edward!"_ Tell us already when it will be! _My plan? I blinked at my golden-haired sister, now seriously wondering for her sanity. I hadn't been planning anything except to watch Bella tomorrow after school let out.

Quite obviously, she didn't know when this 'plan' of mine was to take place, so it couldn't be about the afternoon plan. Since there would be sun, I wouldn't be able to go and see her 'in person'.

That didn't mean that I wasn't going to see her at all. Now that I was finding I had an awful addiction to her that could not be cancelled out, I had to at least see her from afar tomorrow. That was the only plan of mine that I could think of – but how would they know about it?

Of course, Alice could have had a vision. But I didn't understand what could make it such a large deal to my family, not with the way Rosalie's reactions were playing out. "What plan? What is it that you seem to think I'm hiding from you?"

Rosalie's eyes narrowed at me. "You're not fooling anyone! Just say it already and we can deal with it together, like a family!"_ Even though none of us have been acting like a family lately, Eddie – because someone, namely you, is never here anymore! _

Tactfully ignoring her 'Eddie' crack at me, I scowled right back at my sister and snarled, "What am I hiding from you?

"That's what we're asking; what you're hiding!"_ Honestly, get a grip Edward! _

"I'm not hiding anything! I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about!" Something told me Rosalie wouldn't see the truth behind my words; that was the type of person she was. Stubborn and butting heads until the undeniable defeat came, or she plowed over her opponent and won.

"Edward –."_ Listen here, mind reading brother of mine, you'll admit that you did it and then we can all be on our merry way. Now admit it! _

"Rosalie, stop."_ You don't need to answer her, Edward. _Finally, someone else cut in. Rosalie and I had been standing toe to toe, her throwing accusations of something at me while I snarled my innocence in her face. Alice stepped between us, acting referee as Jasper sent out soothing waves of serenity.

Emmett and Carlisle stood off to the side, not seeming to know what to do, while Esme was on the opposite side and watching me very intently, noting each and every muscle twitch and cataloguing it in her mind.

Alice was the one who made Rosalie back down. Then, she turned to me and looked me carefully right in the eye. I glowered back down at her until she whispered, "You really don't know what we're talking about, do you?"_ You have no idea what it is? _

Hallelujah. Someone listens to me. "No, Alice, I don't. Will someone, please, enlighten me?" I was gratified to see Rosalie glance down to the ground in embarrassment; the closest she'd ever come to apologizing for being wrong.

However, my youngest sister immediately captured my attention; twisting one foot on the ground slightly in an expression of shyness, she tugged on her short hair and chewed nervously on her lip. "What is it, Alice?"

Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, she tittered, "We thought…we thought you had made a choice, Edward."_ You know…a choice…_ She looked at me meaningfully, wanting me to understand what she was talking about without her having to tell me directly.

As if this wasn't confusing enough. "What – wait." A thought came to me in a flash of inspiration, considering whom it was that was talking to me. Alice's visions depended on choices made by people, and their actions.

"You had a vision, didn't you?"

Her downcast eyes and nervous twitching were all the answer I needed. Now that I knew what it was, I would have expected to find myself relaxing and letting out my held breath. Instead, I grew much more nervous.

There was no doubt in my mind that her latest vision had to do with Bella and me. The only reason I could think of was something I never wanted to consider. Never. But I had to know; controlling my voice and the raging ball of anxiety quelled in my stomach, I shakily asked, "Alice, what did you see?"

She took a step back, closing her eyes and drawing up the image in her mind. I listened carefully; tuning the other voices out as well as I could, while a video played on my closed eyelids. Moving pictures with no sound.

_The sun shone brilliantly in the sky overhead, shimmering in waves through the branches of the bright green leaves of trees. Through the forest, a pale, bronze-haired man ran as fast as he could. Looking up ahead with his topaz eyes, he spotted something moving in a cleared out meadow. He took the running leaps and bounds he was making faster to reach the sanctuary, the safe haven spot. _

_He stepped out into a brightly lit meadow, with no one else around or so it seemed. Turning suddenly, he beamed as from behind him, a young woman with luminous mahogany hair and vibrant red eyes– a newborn's eyes – stepped forward. Looking into each other's eyes, a matching love was easily visible in both of them as their blood-colored eyes met. _

That was it. Barely a few seconds' worth of memory, of color and moving picture without sound, and my whole life shattered around me. Everything I had built up was hit hard with the sight of that vision.

The man had been me – and the woman was Bella. Bella, with a newborn vampire's eyes, stepping out from behind a tree towards me; it was all I could see in my head. The image kept replaying: the image of that eternally beautiful young woman walking forward, moving towards me with liquid, unrealistic grace.

Rage swept through me, anger like nothing I had felt before. It wasn't even directed at anything in particular – except maybe myself. If this vision came true, it would only come true because I had allowed it to happen. The reality of it made me feel weak and powerless.

Unknowingly, I took a staggering step back as my eyes opened and focused intently on Alice's small, petite face filled with worry. Without consciously deciding it, my eyes narrowed in hatred at her – at her for showing me this vision, at showing me the hopelessness of trying to keep Bella alive and safe.

Alice knew what was wrong. She looked sad as she started speaking. "Edward, I'm so –." But her mind betrayed her._ Will I really have a new sister? Would he really do this for her, for us? Will he actually take the chance at love, like we all want him to? _

I was still uncontrollably angry and let out a harsh roaring, "Stop."

She flinched back, nonexistent tears in her eyes and her porcelain mouth tugging down at the corners. Jasper sent out reassuring waves that I refused to succumb to – not while I was still furious. "Edward –," she began._ Is it really that hard to admit that you love her as much as she loves you? Don't you deserve to be happy, especially since she wants you? _

I cut her off without a second of hesitation. "No." It was impossible that she would ever want someone – or rather, something – like me in any way plausible. It was utterly ridiculous, and I grew angrier at the thought of her placing herself, willingly, in such danger.

"I didn't mean – what? What do you mean, no?" Alice's eyes narrowed at me as she cut her own speech off._ No, what? No, you don't deserve happiness or no, you aren't going to 'let' her become a vampire? _

There was more than one answer to that question that I wanted to reply with, but I cut it down to one. "I mean no, that's never going to happen. Never."

"You can't change it, Edward. You're saying this now, but I still see her as one of us." Alice stood her ground against me, but I wasn't focusing on what she was telling me, or how shaky her formidable posture was._ It's a solid vision, meant to pass whether you want her to or not. _

All I could think about was Bella – my Bella. The Bella that should never even have had to deal with the evil self that I was, the young woman who should never be exposed to such utter darkness: that was the young woman I had fallen completely for.

The only answer I could formulate in my mind and make reach my lips was, "I won't let it happen."

Alice actually gave me a pitying look. "There isn't a choice, Edward. You've 'made up your mind'," she quoted her fingers in the air, "but that isn't changing the vision. She's still one of us."_ I see no way to change this is you've already fallen so much in love with her, already. _

But what I wanted wasn't what was right. "That doesn't matter. Your visions can be wrong." Things can always change; Alice's daily visions changed at the whim of a single person, the whole future of the world hanging in the balance at times and secured one second before being lost the next.

She gave me a sad look that cut through to my core without hearing her words internally or verbally. "Edward, I can tell when something I see is certain – like the weather – or destined to change – like human actions at any given time."_ You know that sometimes I see such concrete visions that I can change nothing. This is one of them. _

If that was true…I shook my head. No, I had seen the vision for myself. It wasn't 'if' – it was 'when' that was the question. Still, I had to deny it – scoff at the acceptance of such a loving, caring angel becoming one of the undead. "So what?"

Alice already knew what I was doing in refusing to acknowledge what was happening. Still, she shook her head sadly._ Edward, you know this is true. _"This one is concrete. It's not going to change no matter what you say otherwise."

"I'll make certain it never happens. No matter what, she stays human." It was impossible for me to think of her any other way, irresponsible to let this happen to an innocent human. My existence was hell on Earth, something I had to push through for as long as I stayed 'alive'.

My words shocked my family, Rosalie in particular. She had an issue with me intending to pursue…something…with Bella, whatever it was that lay between us. But once she had heard of this vision, she was excited at the prospect of what it entailed, as well as mad.

It would be as if she had a new sister, and a new face in the family. Someone to join in, someone new who was part of me, a person that knew me as well as she knew Emmett and Alice knew Jasper.

It was a constant reminder of my self-imposed solitude in my family, my reluctance to join in with any of the things that they took for granted as couples. Rosalie would never admit it out loud, but it hurt her as much as it did the rest of the family that I stayed alone.

She would have gladly welcomed Bella into the family had she been a vampire instead of human; but at the same time, she didn't want to know that she thought this. Rosalie and I had one rather large similarity in common: neither of us would have chosen this life had we that decision at the time.

For her, it was also a horrible existence. Before she found Emmett, she was beginning to fall into my own pattern of thinking – and that was the only reason she was excited that I might have found someone to be with me for eternity, despite Bella's…differences.

That was also why she was so shocked at what I was saying. Jumping into the argument that Alice and I had carried on with each other, she was enraged as she cried out, "How do you think you can keep her human? You can't keep her human and still want her like this."_ You know what I think; I needn't repeat it! _

Oh, I knew what she thought all too well. Continuously, she had thrown insulting words and images my way in reference to my interest in Bella. But I knew that I was right, and she was wrong about her assumptions this time.

Just because I had never had a girlfriend or a 'mate' before, she assumes that I'm like every other male of my species. Rubbing my forehead with one hand, I glared directly at her before crossing my arms stubbornly once more. "Who says I even should 'want' her? She'd be better off if –."

Esme had been standing quietly to our side as the loud accusations and thoughts flew around in my mind. But now, hearing the words that were about to come out of my mouth, her head shot to me and stayed there.

_You cannot think that! You can't believe it!_ Her mind screamed at me as she took a step forward, making me back up in surprise as my hands fell to my sides. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, if you dare end that sentence with the words 'if I wasn't here' so God help me I will make you change your mind the harshest way possible!"

Esme's words that fell into this type of threat were always empty and void of aggression. However, she was a mother and I was certain that this time, she would make an exception to make me see that I was 'wrong'.

That alone seemed to be enough to inflame my temper beyond Jasper's check. He struggled for a moment, I could tell, and it was just enough to let me cool down to refrain my actions to simple words.

With slow, deliberate care in pronunciation, I snarled in her face, "If I wasn't here." I felt horrible once the words had left my mouth. Her face fell abruptly, shoulders sagging just from the malice with which I carried the words. Carlisle gave me a sharp look._ That was unnecessary. _

I mumbled a sharp, quick apology before collecting myself once more. This time, I kept my temper from raging as I murmured much more quietly, "It's true, Esme." Because it was the truth: if I weren't here to mess with her life and heart, Bella would be a happy, normal teenage girl.

Esme didn't take my words well. Stomping her foot angrily, she grasped my arms with as much force as she could muster. I tried to pull away as she scowled at me, worry and fear in her golden eyes. "It is not true, do you hear me?"_ You cannot believe that things would be better if you were not here._

"I hear you, I just chose not to listen." I was purposefully contrary in my words as I pulled away from her soft grip with ease. Carlisle sent me another look that I barely received out of the corner of my eye._ You're being unnecessarily troublesome about this, Edward. Don't act like this to her, or to any of us._

I merely replied with another scowl, this time in his direction. Esme caught on quickly to what we were doing in terms of communication – and that I was completely disregarding what my father was telling me.

It wasn't a far jump as to what the topic of our silent argument was, and my mother saw immediately that I wasn't changing my mind. "Stop that! Stop it right now, Edward! You deserve the same as any of us, and stop thinking otherwise!"_ That includes happiness, and love; don't deny yourself so foolishly._

"That's the same song I've heard over and over, Esme. Just because you pound it into my head, that doesn't mean that I'm going to believe it." Shaking my head, I pulled back a little bit more as she moved towards me again.

I knew from her thoughts that she wanted nothing more than to grab me in a hug and reassure me that I wasn't worthless, or a monster. There were two problems with that reasoning. The first was that I was indeed a monster; the second was that I was not the type of person to touch anyone willingly.

Esme knew that, and she knew I could hear her wishes in her thoughts; that made it hurt all the worse when I pulled back by choice. Biting her lip in uncertainty, she then resumed her warrior-mother stance.

The look in her eyes was utterly serious as she stared me down. "Edward, can you seriously look me in the eyes and say that you'd rather let her die and leave yourself unhappy for the rest of eternity, than to change her?"_ That you'd choose to be alone rather than risk heartache on her? _

To others, this would have seemed like a hard decision: live your life to the fullest or hold back and hide. It would seem like an easy choice to take a chance – for a human.

But I had seen many decades pass by, and never had I once been interested in seeing what life would be like if I knew a human like I wanted to know Bella. Certainly, I was interested – far more than interested. But I also knew that I could never bring her into the hell that was my world.

She was a strong young woman – I might be able to get away with knowing her better for a short while, until I had to move on with my family. But there was no way in the world that I would risk staying around her for much longer than that.

Isabella Swan. She deserved so much more than I could ever let her have, or even hope to achieve. If by letting myself have a broken heart she stayed away from all the turmoil and torture of this existence, then so be it. My decision was clear to my family before my mouth even opened; I saw it on their own faces.

"Yes."

The volcanic eruption from Esme was completely expected. "How can you think so little of yourself? You do deserve happiness and love and hope even if you don't think you do, Edward!"_ This life is not meant to be squandered as you are doing! We were given an extra long amount of time on Earth to find each other, to find our loves, and this is how you are treating your own? _

No matter what points she made to me, I wasn't going to back down any time soon. "Esme, I'll keep saying it until I make you understand my side of things. I'm not changing my mind."

Esme was about to jump into me again with more screaming, but Alice calmed her down, grasping her shoulders gently and stepping between my mother and me. It forced me to back up once more. "And I will keep telling you that this vision is solid, it is set in stone, it will not change, Edward. It will not change."_ You know it. _

Again, I wanted to scream in rage, as my words had not been heard. "It has to, Alice." The undertone of my words sounded broken to my own ears. Instantly, her face softened, as she finally, finally understood what I was trying to say.

Unfortunately for my cause, it didn't last that way for Rosalie. She shook off her understanding face and made the first sound in the quiet that had fallen in the room we stood in, discussing this issue. "Just your stubbornness is not enough to make things turn out your way this time."_ You aren't the only one to make a choice, here: what about your pet human? _

My tone was utterly flat as I hissed, "What." It was absurd; she was seriously thinking about Bella knowing her choices? Not only was that in direct violation of the Volturi's rules, but also it was completely against her own nature.

If Rosalie was anything more besides stubborn, it was that her years as a vampire had caused her to become very unwilling to go anywhere near humans. Almost like a prejudice, she disliked having anything to do with them more than necessary for our existence.

Her voice was only shaky in the very core, but otherwise solid as steel itself as she continued, "I meant that. She has the right to choose too, Edward." _You can't control everything in both your life and hers. I understand that she has a perfectly good brain: let her put it to use. _

Bristling at the offhand slight to Bella's intelligence, I focused instead on what she was telling me to do. "She wouldn't understand what it really meant." Not even if we told her all of it – the Volturi, the thirst, the change, the feedings that we all went through…and endless list of vampire things she had to learn to truly know.

If she truly knew about what it meant to be a vampire, she would run screaming in the opposite direction. There was nothing to draw her back if I let her know anything more than what she already had puzzled together – which, in retrospect, was very little.

Alice picked up the thread Rosalie had started to weave. "Yes, she would Edward. Because the fact that I have had this vision means that she loves you."_ She loves you enough to give everything up, Edward, and you know that does mean** everything**. _

Sighing angrily, I snapped back, "That doesn't make a difference, Alice. You know that." She might think that made everything clearer to me, but I was still solidly sticking to my resolve.

"No, only to you it doesn't. Because you think that you're some God-damned demon that's going to hell if you ever manage to get yourself killed," Rosalie snarled, becoming furious at my insolence._ Is that it, Edward? Is death better than being a vampire? _

She meant it completely rhetorically. I snarled wordlessly as I turned on my heel to walk to the stairs heading up. Under my breath, I muttered soundlessly, "Maybe that would be a better existence than this."

"Edward!" Or maybe not as soundlessly as I thought.

Nevertheless, I tried to pretend I hadn't said anything as I turned back around. My family stared at me, wordless shock plastered on their faces and minds going through hyper speed, too fast for me to catch any words and only giving me a headache. "What now?" My face was completely blank; I could see it in their minds.

Emmett was the first one that spoke. "You can't believe that! You can't want to simply die!"_ I knew the guy was all 'angst-ridden vampire' but this is not normal! Or angst-ridden vampire! It's just morbid! _

Something sparked in me once more – another twinge of anger that Jasper attempted to calm with his abilities but failed to stop my mouth from hissing, "And if I did? What would you be able to do about it?"

I meant it in complete rhetoric as a response to the unfounded accusations that were solidifying in their minds. But of course, they had had one too many hunts lately and decided I was being completely serious about wanting to get myself killed at that very minute.

Rosalie's reaction stood out, predictable as always. When faced with something that scared her down to her very core, she reached for the anger and whip of threats and insults. "Selfish, spoiled –."_ Stupid idiotic vampire!_ Her mind screamed the words before her mouth did.

" 'Stupid idiotic vampire'," I quoted back to her from her own mind. I took a few more steps back towards the group, glaring hard at her and trying to make her be quiet for once on her insults. "Yes Rosalie, I know. What's your point?"

Emmett answered instead of her. "We're your family! And that means it's our job to know these kinds of things! And that also means you have to tell us things!"_ Especially if they are things like you wishing yourself harm! Those types of things are not good! You need help, not your stupid solitude and silence!_

I didn't know what made my anger flare so badly; maybe the thought that this whole issue had spawned up because I was trying to enforce my view that Bella had to remain human. The thought that they wanted her to be a vampire was suitably enough to make my tongue slip in my anger.

"So, you'd rather know that I'm suicidal, is that it?" Rather than waiting until I was already off to the Volturi or something equally dangerous, they wanted to know beforehand, now, that I, yes, had contemplated killing myself before?

The moment the words came out of my mouth, I had confirmed what they were accusing me of. Alice let out a shriek and Rosalie simply clenched her fists in anger; Emmett gaped at me while Carlisle's eyes widened and he put his forehead in his hand. Jasper was struggling to calm everyone even as he stared at me with intense worry in his own darkening golden orbs.

Esme's eyes nearly popped out of her head in fury and panic. "He's admitting it! Oh my God, Carlisle, he's admitting it!"_ My first baby wants to kill himself! What am I supposed to do about this? I don't know what to do! _

That had definitely been the wrong thing to say. I held up my hands in a 'peace' – 'surrender' – gesture and tried not to let the anger creep back into my voice. "I am not admitting anything, I was –."

"You were not being sarcastic Edward and if you dare say that you were then I'm going to…ugh!"_ I won't play nice, either – I will hurt you badly._ Alice snapped; I could have sworn that there would have been tears in her eyes had she been able to cry. Certainly Esme's eyes would be spilling over with tears like there was no tomorrow.

It was, however, my job to lighten the mood and swing the spotlight of focus from me back towards the argument we had been having. "I look forward to it, Alice. Because I was being sarcastic."

She hit me on the arm as hard as her small frame allowed – which was actually a lot; however, I was male, which made me stronger according to the vampiric terms of our differences from humans. Females were more flexible and lithe than male vampires, however, and had the advantage in escaping and stealthy hunting.

"You don't joke about something like this Edward, especially since it's you!"_ You are my brother, and I won't let you think such things! _She snarled at me, struggling as my hands closed over her fists to hold her back. Jasper looked ready to jump to Alice's side – either to help her overpower me, or take hold of her fists himself, he couldn't decide between.

I finally managed to shove her back – forcefully – and straightened my arms at my sides stubbornly. The conversation was out of hand; time to rein it back in. "Back to the topic," I loudly announced, ignoring the scathing anger in their faces. "We were discussing how Bella is not going to become a vampire, not my suicidal tendencies."

Rosalie hissed, throwing her hands up into the air. "Well, you little 'tendencies' tie into how you don't want her to become your – your equal, your love on similar terms!"_ And that is completely idiotic! And insufferably sexist of you! _

"Fancy words for 'demonic presence on Earth'," I shot back dryly. This was a safe argument, one that we had had many times over as a general rule of my family trying to pick my brain for reasons on my standoffishness that they could understand.

Of course, they never could understand what I thought. That was an unwritten rule in my family – no one understood. I sounded like an angsting teen of today's standards – well, all the better to play my part in the human world, wasn't it?

Emmett crossed his arms and looked down at me wearily. "What is your problem with this? Why don't you want her to be like us?"_ My 'teasing' isn't all that, Edward; I do seriously mean some of those things. You should want to be with her every way possible, even if you hold back from it. What's making you think you don't need to, or can't, change her? _

"Because she could very well go off and kill humans? Because this existence is utter hell? Because it's not worth any of it?" I rattled off just from the top of my head. If it were possible, they would have gone paler at the mention of each new reason.

I saw in their heads that they were finally seeing some of my point of view. Not realizing anything suspicious was happening, I continued on – my mouth was spilling everything that came into my mind. "Take your pick- I have a thousand reasons for not being a vampire and a thousand more plans for…"

Just in time before I spilled anything else, I caught a thread of Jasper's mind and abruptly shut my mouth upon realizing that it was trust he was throwing at me as hard as he could. Glaring at him, I hissed, "Don't do that."

He merely shrugged, unapologetic, but frowned carefully at me and echoed in his mind what flew out of everyone else's mouth._ "Plans? What plans?" _

My mouth snapped shut without a second of hesitation. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had my 'brother' shooting feelings at me that told me to talk nonstop about what was troubling me, I had to go and start revealing something that no one knew.

No one could ever know just how seriously any of them should have been taking 'the suicide thing'. If my family had really been as observant as they sometimes thought they were, they would have picked up on this sooner.

It was only the most common of knowledge that I hated being what I was. I loathed being unable to sleep, having to drink blood, having to stay out of direct sunlight in public, having the ability to hear peoples thoughts…

The reasons were endless. The thoughts I had while listening to other people's lives were nothing my family would ever understand. If they knew just how much I longed for human life, they would have picked up on the signs a long time ago.

As my life was taking this dramatic turning point right now, it was worse than ever. In my heart and mind, things were at war over the fact that this one human girl, this Isabella Swan, actually made me feel…alive again.

I heard plenty of 'life' among my siblings and parents, from how they treated each other and how they reacted to each other. It was all too clear that there was indeed love among vampires – we simply didn't become attached to humans.

However, I was becoming attached to a human and that was the most dangerous thing that there was between a vampire and a human. If I had a choice, I would never have decided to stay in Forks – but it was out of my hands.

My heart would not allow my to leave both family and Bella; one try had been hard enough to push through. There was no way another try would let me make it out there on my own.

I hadn't been without at least two members of my family in so long that the thought of it gave me such pain that it nearly made me breathless. And that was also what the thought of leaving Bella, or letting her be hurt, felt like. A knife stab to the chest, straight through the heart, would have been less painful.

And so the thoughts of leaving this world behind had come back. It was irreversible, yes, but would effectively stop all the pain. Every bit of the pain would be gone if I just left it behind me, behind in this world that seemed not to care about all the painstaking work I put into holding back my thirst.

It wasn't easy to kill a vampire. There were really very few ways it could happen. One was by the mortal enemy of a vampire, the werewolf; they and they alone could kill a vampire with their claws and teeth. Another way was for the vampire to have him- or herself torn to shreds and for the pieces to be burnt.

I had figured that going to the Volturi and asking for the task to be done would be my best bet. Either that, or going on a hunt for vampires and allowing myself to be killed: however, that might prompt my family to retaliate. That was something I didn't want, and so my main 'plan' was to head to them.

But that would only work if my family didn't know about the thoughts I had taken so long to conceal, so painstakingly covered up and never hinted at besides the world-known signal signs. "No plans. Not the point. The point is that your vision will not come true, Alice."

My youngest sister wasn't giving up, however, and instead was caught between searching the future for something and shouting at me. "Edward, what plans? What were you going to say?"_ Please don't tell me my brother is going to kill himself. This can't be happening. I have to find a vision. _

"Nothing. I wasn't going to say anything." My blank face and carefully kept composure threw them off a little, but Rosalie wasn't giving up easily.

"Edward –."_ You'd better tell us right now what you meant by that! _

Taking one long look at them, I saw only concern and fear. But I didn't want that; it wasn't as if I was going to go hop on a plane right at that minute. As long as nothing pushed me too far, I thought that I could possibly pull myself back from this place I was stuck in.

Of course, that could only happen if I had a reason for letting myself live. Right now, I had barely one and I had to seriously think about it. Bella was a small reason for trying to hold on – as long as she was human and safe, I could have a small bit of hope for something – I didn't even know what for, though.

"This conversation is over." With that, I turned around and began walking back to the stairs. Behind me, my family rushed forward but I made my way to the staircase too fast to let the six vampires I called 'family' reach me.

"Edward –."_ Please, don't let my baby keep thinking about this! He can't go up there all alone right now! Edward, come down, talk to us! Let it out! _

My answer was a simple, "No." My legs took me past the stairs with graceful ease; I didn't look back to them once.

"But –."_ Edward, come on! Get back down here – how about some grizzly, huh? I'm male and I'm begging you to talk! You can't refuse that! _

"What part of 'no' don't you understand?" I snarled over my shoulder. My siblings were following close behind as I skirted their bedroom doors. Behind me on the ground floor, I could hear Esme and Carlisle – my mother's tearless sobs were almost enough to make me go back and discuss my 'tendencies' with her.

Almost.

"Edward –."_ I may not have had a vision, but I know that secluding yourself right now isn't a good idea! Talk to me? _

Alice's gentle request almost broke my resolve and I paused for a moment outside my bedroom door. I didn't need Jasper's gift to feel a palpable, tentative relief at my halt. But as I sensed the cold hand drifting to my shoulder, I snapped out of it. "I. Said. No."

"Edward…"_ Get back here, Edward! _

This time, their only answer was my bedroom door slamming shut in their faces and sliding a dead bolt in place.

For a few minutes, they pounded on my bedroom door. We all knew that they could simply barge in without asking, break down the door if they needed to, but it was a matter of principle. And it was the fact that if they did that, I wouldn't even let them attempt to talk to me. I would simply attack the intruders.

Scowling and dragging my feet angrily across the floor, I flicked a switch on my stereo, flung one of my many CD's in, hit the play button and collapsed onto my couch. The one I had bought for this town was black and leather – looking at it through someone else's eyes: I almost smirked at the typical bachelor style.

My whole room could be considered a male bachelor's office or workspace. The only difference was that it was the only room like it in the house that held this particular style flair – and that this was actually my bedroom, not an office or some other such thing.

I was avoiding the topic that everyone wanted to discuss with me, and I knew it. Tracing patterns in the ceiling that I had stared at obsessively for the past few weeks was becoming old and boring now, but there wasn't much else to distract me from everything going on outside my room.

Nothing could tear the thoughts away from my head. Esme was still sobbing into Carlisle's arms, knowing in her heart that I was going to try and kill myself someday. Her husband was caught between his fatherly concern for me and rage that I had managed to reduce my mother to this panic-stricken state.

Rosalie and Emmett had slunk back to their room; my sister steamed the whole way there and began pacing and flinging insults and accusations at me through her mind. Her husband sat on her bed, letting her wear out her anger and trying to think of why he didn't see anything like this coming from me.

Alice had retreated to Jasper's study and took her favorite chair in there, sitting and closing her eyes to scan repetitively for visions. Jasper himself sat at the desk and began sorting through the emotions surrounding him on all sides – the only way he could organize his mind was to soothe distress in those that affected him.

Since we were all a family, we all affected him tremendously. He wasn't going to get any thinking done any time soon, but he wasn't really searching for time to think. Rather, it was a stress-relieving exercise and a necessity for him. But he was constantly on alert for any feelings floating down from my room.

It antagonized me that he would think he needed to watch me even closer now that I had revealed, inadvertently, that I was a tad bit unhappier with my life as a vampire than anyone had thought.

All the same, it was slightly reassuring to know that someone was out there who didn't currently want to murder me because I was 'under the impression that I was worthless'. But everyone was still in turmoil, thrown for a loop by my unexpected duplicity in a matter that concerned them greatly – and it did, really.

If I wasn't part of this family…if I hadn't been changed by Carlisle first, he wouldn't have done the same to Esme – we wouldn't have been back in her town unless it was for my 'education'. Without her, he wouldn't have had the encouragement to change Rosalie 'for me'.

And without Rosalie, he wouldn't have even known Emmett existed, let alone helped her save him. Jasper and Alice might have still found each other, but Alice wouldn't have seen us as a family, living off animals. She could have become wild; then Jasper would have stuck to his diet as well without her encouragement.

It made me feel sick to my stomach to think of it in those terms. Like I was the glue that held everything together, or the base that started it all. It was maddening, especially since I was also partly trying to convince myself that this life was utterly useless and I shouldn't be there.

Whether I liked it or not, I also had to admit to myself that a part of me hung on through the years with a small, insignificant hope. I had heard it said countless times that I deserved what the rest of my family had: love.

But since I had never found it in anyone before, I thought I didn't. I thought that I had to stay alone – but Bella. Bella, the wrench in the otherwise perfect clockwork of my theories and self-judgments.

How do you fight against something that doesn't want to be caught, bound down and studied to find error? I told myself again, and again, that I shouldn't be interested in her. I told myself countless times that I shouldn't follow her home, that I should get on with my boring existence.

But every time I told myself that, I failed to listen. My family told me that it was a good thing to find myself loving her, but that was the problem right there; they wanted her to be part of the family as well.

I didn't want her going through the hell on Earth that was the transformation. I didn't even want her touching any of the darkness that was my life. All the same, however, I couldn't deny that she was worming her way in despite all my objections internally.

But that wasn't the issue at hand, Bella becoming part of my world. The largest obstacle was the fact that my family had settled past the fearful stage and made it to the mad one before stopping for the night. It looked like I would be stuck in my room for most of the day tomorrow.

I knew I would have to make my apologies sometime soon, likely before tomorrow afternoon so that I would be 'allowed' to visit Bella's house after school had ended. But for now, I was content to wallow in guilt that began crashing through me in waves, no help from Jasper.

In fact, that caused a tad it of worry from him – I ignored his worried inquiries in thoughts that he sent up. Instead, I flicked a button on the remote control, turning my soft classical music into loud, heavy metal rock that pounded through my speakers at intensely loud volume. An obvious 'leave me alone' message.

It was made that much more obvious with the song chosen, opening lyrics clearly stating that very sentiment. Esme let out a muffled sob into Carlisle's arms, Rosalie stamped her feet in anger as Emmett now tried to calm her, and Alice concentrated fiercely on visions while Jasper sighed and began re-doing everyone's emotional settings.

To me, he thought,_ Edward, all this guilt and anger at yourself isn't healthy or good right now, or ever even. Especially with what you just unintentionally revealed to us today. Talk to one of us, please; I don't think any of us could take it if you actually went through with something like that. _

I simply rolled onto my side into the couch, trying – and failing – to block out the thoughts pounding into my head and torturing me until the guilt rose beyond Jasper's control.

* * *

**A/N – Well, Edward's one disturbed young man, isn't he? Sorry, but I felt like I needed something more in this. It never quite fit to me how Edward could just start thinking about killing himself if Bella was gone during the Phoenix Fiasco, and so I thought, "Hey, what if he already had suicidal tendencies before that?" **

**(That would also mean a few things in 'New Moon', but I think that I can trace this back into that. :) See, I'm thinking ahead! In 'Blood Moon' – my 'New Moon' in Edward's POV – I'm going to have a big Cullen family discussion once he's back about that little venture to Volterra…I'm already planning it out in my head. Tee-hee – that's one scene I don't need to write in order. I'm already working on it, then saving it in the little folder so I can edit, and re-edit, and the re-re-edit. It'll go through many multiple drafts…) **

**Apologies, my dear wonderful readers! It seems I went off on a tangent there, and now should be getting back to the point. So, hopefully you understand why I wanted Edward to have this little suicidal thing here. If not, then I'll restate what I meant to say. **

**I wanted to build up the image of Edward as this multi-faceted guy, because even though Bella is blinded by love (sigh), Edward's not really perfect. He was human, you realize? And no one can be perfect. So, the suicidal tendencies can technically be foreshadowing (hint. Duh.) And the way he acts is just how I pictured it. **

**I mean, you have this guy who grew up rich as a human and now is the oldest in a family that has lived for a long time. He's obviously gotten a lot of what he's wanted over the years. That means that when things don't go his way, he's going to be a tad bit angry about it. And since he's also getting defensive – about his suicidal-ness, of all things – then I'd think he would be a little bit more angry than average. Plus, Edward has temper issues. See how it fits together:) Good. **

**I hope that you liked this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! (Actually, I did like writing this one. It made me feel good to pound out my frustrations on a keyboard, especially when I'm having issues about a guy I like and I don't know what to do about it. Bluck.) **

**I hope you'll review now, and tell me what you think about this! Thank you for reading, and thank you all for your last reviews! So many birthday wishes! (Sigh) I feel so loved:) Hearts and kisses and hugs and all that good lovey-dovey stuff we all know and wish would go one never-ending-lessly with Bella and Edward! (Sorry. I'm not making much sense today.)**


	13. Apologies

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Fourteen: Apologies**

* * *

Wallowing could only occur for so long in this house without Jasper managing to interfere. There was nothing I could do once he began breaking through the guilt that was flooding me and making things so much worse.

But all I could think about was my family, and Bella; neither train of thought was conducive to helping stop the pain I was putting myself through that night, and nothing really helped.

Especially since I could hear every single word in my family's minds and was continuously dragged back into the train of thought about what had just happened. Carlisle had run out of the house with Esme once she calmed down slightly, but it didn't stop me from hearing them until they reached the end of the land we owned.

Esme continued thinking of some way to make sure her 'first baby' didn't hurt himself as I had threatened to unintentionally. Carlisle was trying to keep his mind off of what had just transpired, but it was exceedingly difficult for him to make himself focus on anything but Esme's pain and what he had done to me.

I knew when they got back, I would be apologizing to them out of the whole family first. Carlisle was already blaming himself for changing me in the first place by the time they got out of range of my abilities, and Esme needed me to reassure her that I had only spoken out of anger and confusion.

Of course, I knew that I had told them the truth. My family, however, didn't need to know that; it would only cause dissension among the ranks, and fear in their hearts for me where there should be none.

My siblings were lost in their own worlds of thought, all revolving around what I had revealed. It infuriated me to know that I was the one causing the chaos in their minds – I was the one who was hurting them so badly.

None of them had needed to know about my plans and thoughts. It was a personal decision – one that only "me, myself and I" had to worry about. They didn't need to have this added worry on their minds.

All it would take was one mistake and they would come rushing to me, intent and panicking about me causing myself hurt. That was no way for us to live, for anyone to live. My family might take it upon themselves to help me if I didn't fix this soon.

Suicidal tendencies could usually be much more easily dealt with among humans – there were counselors and psychiatrists to help. But my reasons were ones that no human could ever know – that option was off the list then.

Carlisle could try talking to be, being a doctor himself; but that couldn't help, either. I would never talk to him about this – it wasn't something anyone needed to know or could help me with.

Everyone in the family would try and talk to me now; I had to find a way to approach them first without raising or causing too much suspicion on their parts. With my talent, I could easily deflect whatever thoughts they were having about my "revelation".

But if I approached them and soothed their fears, I might stand a chance of convincing them that I didn't truly think that way. As it was my best choice – and only one – at the moment, I decided it would be best to follow through.

The music I had been playing full blast was left on in my room; it would mask the conversations I would have with one person from everyone else. If the notes were drifting throughout the whole house according to our vampire ears, then I would be able to have at least semi-privacy with the person I was speaking to.

Getting up from my couch, I walked towards the door, listening to my sister's 'voice' in her mind as she drifted along the hall._ Why does he have to think this? I didn't see him do anything yet, but I don't know if he has made up his mind yet or not. I have to find a way to keep him from making that choice…_

When I undid the lock on my door, Alice bounced right through, barely giving me time to turn the doorknob. Sighing, I closed the door once more behind her as she made her way to the black sofa. I might as well start working on Alice since she was here.

Turning around, I met her eyes square on as she blinked placidly at me from her dainty perch on the arm of the couch. Her face didn't betray the turmoil of her thoughts, centered on keeping me safe – from myself – and finding a way to stop whatever I might plan to do.

"I'm not going to do anything to myself, Alice," I told her quietly, taking a seat beside her on the couch. Seeing into the thoughts of others around me gave me a second ability built into the first – I could 'read' people much better than anyone else.

For instance, I knew that right now, Alice needed me to act as older brother to her younger sister. Even if she didn't know it herself, her thoughts had feelings of their own attached to the worry. She needed me to reassure her.

Shifting position on the couch, I took her hands in mine and looked straight into her troubled gold eyes. "Alice, I would never choose to hurt myself. I don't know why I said those things – well, yes, I do; I lost my temper."

"Again," she interrupted sullenly._ Your last outburst wasn't as frightening as this one – because this one is causing us all such pain, to think it would be true._

"I know, and I'm sorry for that," I murmured earnestly. "If there was some way I could take back my words, I swear that I would. I truly did not mean to tell any of you that –."

Her eyes flashed in anger. "So you were going to let us think that you were fine?"_ Not tell us that you hated yourself so much?_ "That you truly didn't want to be on this Earth with us anymore?"_ Does he truly hate himself or is it all of us?_

"No. I meant that I didn't mean to make you all worry without reason. There is nothing wrong with me – I truly am fine and do not want myself destroyed." Because I had something new to stay around for: Bella. Bella was here and the start of what was between us was something I would not give up for the world.

"Why is that? Is it just now, or have you always felt this way?"_ Was there a time when he wanted to die?_

Rubbing the back of my neck, I admitted very quietly, "Yes, there was a time when I wanted to die: when I was first created, after I had woken up. And…" I trailed off, biting my lips. I did not like to think about the years I spent away from Carlisle and Esme, hunting humans on my own.

"And?" She leaned forward, eager and intensely nervous about what my response would be._ There was? Then it's true, he did hate himself – which means it could go back to that point if the situation in which he wanted to die were to repeat itself. _

There was no alternative to telling the truth – any lie would hurt worse then thinking about those long years. "When I went off on my own. Giving in to the thirst."

She winced._ I shouldn't have asked; he hates talking about those years. At least now I know that situation will never repeat itself._ "Oh…"

I couldn't help but smile as I let go of her hands, already uncomfortable with the contact even though it was only my hands and had only been a few minutes. "Yes, 'oh'," I mocked before returning to seriousness. "Alice, I do not want to hurt myself right now and I doubt that I will ever again want to hurt myself."

I warded off guilt, telling myself that it was true, in a way. Pain was not something I wanted, but if I ever followed through with a suicide I would not be hurting myself, but rather my family. If I were to kill myself, it would be to take away pain.

She nodded slowly, believing me._ I haven't seen anything yet and I doubt he would lie to me after keeping Bella's mind a secret from us. Look how that turned out for him. No, he's telling the truth._ "All right. I believe you."

"Thank you." I sighed. "Now to tell everyone else the same thing and get the same response – if my prayers are answered." I doubted they would be answered – God doesn't like demons, after all.

Alice nodded slightly as she stood and paused for a moment._ Should I say it or not?_ "Is there a reason why you want to hang around now more than before?"_ I know you, Edward; you did consider leaving this house for a minute even if you didn't realize you made the decision. Why stay?_

I didn't even look at her. "Alice, you already know why – and who for." My eyes flew up to meet hers then, but I could only think of Bella. "I have to see this out. I have to…to know."

My shoulders shrugged of their own accord as I went back into thought for a brief break of time. This thing I was starting with Bella was something that I couldn't readily stop. I may have decided to leave and then changed my mind, but the only reason for staying in Forks had to be connected to her somehow.

This idea of love was so foreign to me it had taken several attempts to tell me from various family members before I could see it. How was I to know what it was if I had never felt love before, in any other way than strictly platonic and familial?

Bella was a reason for me to stick it out in Forks here, with my family. There was something about this budding relationship I was eager to try that had me caught in a grip so unbreakable I doubted I would ever even want to try destroying it.

It was something that I couldn't explain but felt so real that I had to stay here in Forks to solve the mystery present to me. Alice wouldn't have understand what it truly meant to me to have found the promise of something here in Bella, even though she would think that she did.

I had never known loneliness until I found her. I didn't understand what it was, what was surrounding me when I was with my family and they had each other and I, no one else.

No one to share a moment of comfort in the middle of winter, nor in the bright of summer when we went out in seclusion to feel the rays of sun on our cold, dead skin. No one to talk to about things that the family at large wouldn't understand, but which they would know completely.

Each member of my family had that with each other and had the eternity to spend together, completely content with the love they had. I was an outsider to it all, to this entire world I was just barely beginning to explore.

To tell the truth, I was afraid of the 'love' I felt for Bella Swan. How would she react if she knew that I was so fascinated by her already, having known her for so short a time? Would she be frightened of the depth of my feelings, or would she be happy?

She was still a mystery to me and her mind was out of my reach, but all the same I had to believe that she could feel strongly for me as well. I found it hard to accept that I felt anything for her at all – and truthfully, didn't think it was 'love' at all.

Jasper could have been wrong. My family could have been wrong. None of them really knew much about me, about my mind and heart. If I was so new to this, could it be that it wasn't love? At least – not yet?

Did I want this 'school crush' to grow into something much larger? That could spell disaster for her, for my families' lives – for my nonliving heart. A dead unbeating organ, buried inside my chest and content to sit there, listless and useless.

No, I didn't. I wanted to safeguard my heart and keep it from her, from everyone else, despite the loneliness. I just wasn't certain if I could if I kept continuing along this irresistible, unstable path. I couldn't turn back now, and so I had to keep walking forward to whatever end would come for Bella and I, be it involving death or separation when we moved on from Forks.

Alice hadn't hung around long while I thought – just long enough to leave me with a few parting words as she closed the bedroom door behind her._ Edward, I'll tell you now that I believe you can be around Bella. Despite my vision and the anger you showed, I still strongly believe what I said before…_

And that was the second problem. If, and only if, she felt the same way for me as I could possibly feel for her – then what? She was human, a young teenage girl in this mortal world where immortals walked the Earth.

What could I do? She would have to stay human – I would not change her, never would consider condoning it. She was a human and meant to live life as it was made to live. There was pointlessness to a vampire's existence, and not much else.

If she became a vampire, one of us…I couldn't even think about it. It was a nightmare we'd never wake up from since we could not sleep. It was a hell on Earth and something that no one should ever have to live through.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what the pain of our lifestyle could do to her, to Bella. For her to go from such an innocent creature to this would be an unbearable price that I couldn't inflict on her for anything. I wouldn't.

But this wasn't the time to consider such an action. I stood from the couch once more and made it out to the hallway this time. Listening to the voices murmuring in my mind, I picked up on Emmett in the downstairs room alone. Rosalie had retreated to the garage; Jasper was in his study and Alice had collapsed on her bed in their room, taking her mind off of our conversation with thoughts of shopping.

Jasper was the closest. I made my way to his study door – he, too, felt me coming._ Guilt, confusion, hurt, embarrassment…_ "Come in Edward," he answered my knock._ What does he want, I wonder?_

I entered quietly, keeping my head down just a little. I could have shown my throat more in a slightly submissive gesture – something that came along with the vampire instincts – but I chose to act more human for a reason. Like an idiotic boy instead of a stupid man: closer to what I was, with the way I'd been acting.

Jasper looked carefully at me, worry written across his face. "Edward…"_ What do I say? Does he want to tell me something? Did he talk to someone else already? I thought I heard Alice's voice coming from his room under the music. _

I kept near the wall as I looked up at him to answer his unspoken questions. "Alice already knew what I was going to come out and say – she went up to my room before I even left."

He pulled away from the desk slightly, still seated and watching me with carefully concerned eyes._ He still feels pain and guilt for what he said – maybe he really didn't mean it, like he tried to say._ "Go ahead," he nodded, waiting for me to talk.

Relief trickled through me from his concerns that I could have been telling the truth when I denied what I had said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I told you all, and for the pain I've caused you – everyone – I truly am sorry for it. You can't know just how sorry I am."

"No," he agreed, "but I can feel how everyone else feels. It really hurt them to think that you would even consider something like this."_ And for them to think of life for our family without you in it._

"I know – I heard it all," I grinned wryly before the smile fell. "I honestly don't know what came over me – frustration, maybe. My temper reaching an all-time low. One too many accusations all at once – the thought that she might become…"

I had to stop and clench my jaw together as pure anger and unadulterated pain swept through me. How was I supposed to keep Bella from a fate that was so imminent? Alice had indeed seen her vision as one of the undoubtedly certain visions – like the weather, as she said.

If there was one thing I had learned over the years around her, it was to never disagree with one of her visions when it was one of the absolute certain ones. Quite simply, you would be proven wrong.

I didn't want to be proven wrong, but there was no way I would sit idly by and let something monstrous like this happen to Bella. She was human, and deserved much better than to be dragged into a vampire's life.

Jasper shook his head, knowing what I felt already. "I don't see why you think it's such a bad idea – unless, of course, you're still uncertain about your feelings."_ You don't think it could be the love that Alice and I share, or Emmett and Rosalie, do you? That it might just be a 'first crush', so to speak? _

My lips twisted up again. "When did you become so good at reading other's feelings, brother?" He grinned back in response, only slightly surprised by my show of good humor when he thought I'd be miserable for days. I needn't tell him that it was a show for everyone – no one needed to know that.

"I don't have much of a choice, now do I?"_ So you still doubt what I can feel practically spilling off of you whenever your passing thoughts turn to her. Well, I suppose it is his life – I can't say I completely understand the reasoning, but I can understand the uncertainty. _

"Thank you," I whispered. That at least one of my family members understood my uncertainty made me feel slightly better about what I was doing – pursuing something between Bella and I. "Do you think that you can forgive me for my…other actions? I may have felt…suicidal, when I was first born – and then later after my short…rebellion, but that passed quickly. Can you forgive me?"

The sight of me – earlier that day – storming away from my family, back rigid in anger and the feeling of hostility and fear wafting off of me, drifted into my brother's mind. But he gave me a small smile and replied, "I think I'd react angrily as well, if you all accused me of wanting to kill myself – and I didn't actually want to. Not this time, at least."_ I want to believe you, Edward, so I'll give you a chance to prove that you really were speaking without thinking – kind of like Emmett. _

"That means a lot to me." Two down and believing me, only four more to go. I felt a bit of guilt resurface as I left the study quietly with a short word of farewell to my much more studious brother. After all, I was downright lying about my thoughts – another new experience I was beginning to repeat – lying.

But as I left, he, too, had parting words in his mind for me to hear. _I will keep a watch on you, though, Edward. You have to understand – you told me that you had considered it before, during extremely difficult times in your life. If you don't show signs of it again, I'll ease up on observations. I'd think that's very fair._

It was, and I nodded briefly before leaving to show that I heard. Undoubtedly, many of the coven were going to make similar remarks – Alice was checking the future occasionally for signs of anything, and Jasper was half-mindedly keeping track of me.

It was to be expected, however, considering that I had given everything away to them. They just didn't know how much I really gave away, and how much they had to watch out for from me. But I didn't want them to know, so it was moot point.

My feet carried me down the stairs to the living room, where Emmett sat sprawled on a couch in front of the television. As expected, he was watching the sports channel; my footsteps made soft sounds on the round as I made my way over to perch on the arm of the furniture.

He didn't move, and for once I was glad that his thoughts were focused solely on the game. For a few moments, I was free of the worry that surrounded everyone else and probably would overshadow everything for a good long time because of my idiocy.

When he finally noticed, he didn't so much as twitch in his seat. However, his thoughts were an entirely other ballpark – Emmett really had a mind like a completely clear, shallow pool.

_What am I supposed to say to him? Does he even want to talk? Is he here for some other reason? Does he not think it's a really big deal like we do and is going to try to act normally? Am I supposed to talk to him? I can't even remember what I was going to say earlier today! _

My eyes drifted to the window as he panicked internally. The sun was rising low in the sky, starting the dawn of another day. One more day of eternity to struggle through, one more day to live this non-life, and another day for me to see with my family – while I myself was alone.

It shouldn't bother me so much that I was alone – it hadn't for the past hundred years. But because Bella was here and now, I found that I wanted something more than what my family could give me. It was infuriating, to say the least, that it had caused me to loose my temper and blurt out what I didn't want to.

Finally, I could stand Emmett's worried thoughts no longer. "Emmett, honestly," I sighed heavily in the silence of the room, punctuated by the cheers of humans on the TV screen. "I can hear every single thing you're thinking."

_Oh, right._ "Oh, right." I had to smirk at his thoughts and words. Emmett was one of the few people I knew who would actually say their exact thoughts out loud in an echo, and it was refreshing to hear. "I thought – well, okay, you know what I thought."_ Tell me what I'm supposed to say._

He hadn't glanced away from the TV once, but I didn't expect him to. I hadn't moved my eyes away from the screen either – it was like a medium, a middleman between the two of us for this conversation. "I have to apologize for my words and actions earlier today."

_Why does he always sound so formal? And apologize for what?_ "Apologize for what? You think you made a mistake in telling us your thoughts and, all right, I get that, but you didn't. We had a right to know, Edward, and you should be able to lean on us for help."

I wasn't used to such seriousness coming from my usually joking brother, but then again it fit with the 'situation' we were all in because of me. "I did make a mistake, but it was because I hadn't actually told you the truth. And I was born in 1901, Emmett, of course I sound formal compared to today, and even your childhood."

He clicked the mute button for the TV, eyes glued to the wall behind the screen._ Not the truth? Is there more?_ "Is there more to the truth than you told us? Or was what you told us not true at all?"_ And I knew that you were born way back when, Edwardian Boy, but Jasper doesn't sound so formal and he's older than you. And what about Carlisle?_

"I don't put forth the effort to try and slur my more proper speech to make it sound less articulate; Jasper and Carlisle do." I let myself slide down to the seat cushion of the couch, slouching down so my back was more on the seat than the back of the sofa.

He took notice of my less 'proper' slump._ What did he lie about? Was he actually telling the truth when he said that he didn't mean any of it? I hope so – I don't want to think that he actually wants to die._

"I owe you all a great apology," I began, aware that Jasper and Alice were listening in from upstairs. "I already spoke with Jasper and Alice, and I have to find Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme as well. But first and foremost, I did not mean what I said in my anger." Because I hadn't meant to say it.

He nodded slowly, taking in my words and thinking of each one before coming up with a conclusion._ He's not lying. When he didn't tell us about Her scent, I could tell he had been lying from the way he said things but he isn't lying this time._ Interesting; I would have to see what cues I gave that let Emmett know I wasn't truthful.

"I did not mean to inform you all that I was suicidal –," several sharp breaths were drawn " – because I'm not. I lost my temper and said things I didn't mean, hurting all of you because I couldn't make myself calm down. I'm sorry for the trouble my actions caused."

_The things he said didn't come out of nowhere._ "The things you said didn't come out of nowhere. You have thought about it before." He said it with such certainty that I was half-certain he had overheard my conversations with Jasper and Alice if not for the fact that I knew he hadn't.

"No," I admitted. "I have thought about it before. When I was first born…and after my short rebellious years. Both of those times, I considered it." He didn't show any outward shock and in fact, his thoughts stayed relatively mild.

_I thought it was something like that._ "Apology accepted – not that you should have needed one, Edward."_ Work on controlling your temper more, Eddie. It might be dangerous if you hang around Bella much more._

I frowned, not having had thought of that. If I lost my temper with Bella, would I hurt her or be able to control myself? That was one obstacle I would have to face sooner or later – especially since my temper caused me to create this mess that I was clambering out of now.

Nodding to Emmett, I answered, "I think I'll be able to work on controlling my temper – but I also have to learn to control my thirst. With any luck, I'll be able to see what happens – if anything." Between Bella and I.

He turned the volume back on._ Just be careful, Edward – the draw of that scent is powerful. You're a bit of an idiot to try and pursue something with her, but at least don't let her get hurt. Because of you and your 'tendencies' or anyone else. _

Grateful that one more interview with a family member was done and complete, I gracefully made my way out the door to head to the garage where Rosalie was furiously working on her car.

All the same, I couldn't erase the anxiety and the control spinning out of my grasp. Worries plagued my mind – I could seriously injure Bella if I did a single thing wrong, could kill her if I let my bloodlust gain control for one slip of a moment.

And then there were my own troubles. I could hurt myself far worse with this suicide gambit I had hidden in the back of my mind before it was brought to the front earlier that day. I didn't want to remember it all – I had pushed it back there to try and gain a bit more control of myself.

There was very little in this life I could fully, completely control and the 'tendencies' my family knew nothing of was one of them. Already I knew I would be pushing them back in my mind once more after my apologies had taken place.

Bella would also be helpful in the matter – when I concentrated on her, everything else seemed far away. Being around her was intoxicating in more ways than one, and I was determined to find out if it was love or lust I felt.

Lust seemed much more likely than love at the moment. My emotions were so mixed up and confused in myself that Jasper oftentimes had trouble deciphering them even before this Forks fiasco started. He could have mistaken what I was feeling – even though I found it hard to doubt.

Taking a deep breath of the woodsy air, I prepared myself to enter the garage – Rosalie's sanctuary. She wouldn't be quiet and listen calmly like the rest of my siblings had, and like my parents would. No, she was the second-oldest sibling in our family on the ranks of who entered the coven in order from first to last.

As such, she held almost as much seniority as I and had known me for much longer than anyone else besides my parents. She wouldn't hesitate to throw a punch at me as I walked in the door, a silver tool towards my head –

A car door that had been removed from the car moments before.

"Rosalie!" I was forced to duck as the piece of metal flew by my head at an alarming speed, propelled by the anger of a furious female vampire. She stood, vibrating and glaring, in the center of the small garage that Carlisle had built.

I would have stepped back and left right at that moment had I not a mission to complete. Calmly as I could, I stepped forward and closed the garage door behind me. Rosalie's nostrils flared dangerously, her golden eyes nearly glowing in anger.

"Get out of here, Edward," she snarled. Her thoughts betrayed her anger – and transformed it into hurt._ How could he think so little about himself? I'm the one who was changed without real purpose! I could have died, had a life – who knows? Who cares! I won't let my oldest brother hurt himself!_

Holding my hands up in a peace offering, I let my throat be exposed – wide open and clean. "Rosalie, I didn't mean what I said. I was angry – you know my temper. You have one of your own, as I seem to recall."

_The day we met,_ her thoughts echoed my own._ Right after Carlisle changed me, and you heard my supposedly shallow thoughts and I reacted angrily. WE both had – have – such tempers. Oh, how Esme and Carlisle laughed when we made up minutes after our last shouted insults!_

She really hit home when she stopped remembering and looked directly at me, her defensive posture relaxing into one of worn, weary defeat._ Edward, do you really want to leave us all behind?_

"No," I sighed, crossing my arms. "I don't. The only times I have ever considered – it – was when I was first born, and after the time I spent in my rebellious years. After that, I didn't want to leave any of you – and I don't want to now." Even though I considered it quite a few times more than those two.

She looked down at the ground, her anger simmered out in the heat of the moment. Rosalie had used up her fighting energy far too quickly, for none was left by the time the weariness set in.

When she looked up, Rosalie made a vow in her head._ I will not loose my husband, sisters or parents, nor will I loose my brothers. Especially not the older one. Do you understand me, Edward?_

There was no reply I could say, but there was no other one I would wish to give. "Of course. I don't want to give you anything to worry about in regards to my health and sanity, Rosalie. Trust me."

"I am." With that, she turned around, back to her car._ Leave the door out there and leave the garage, please. I need to work in quiet for a while, Edward, just to cool down._

"All right." I closed the door behind me very gently – already Rosalie had forgotten abut the conversation we'd just had. She was concentrating on car parts and what she needed to do instead of sending me messages in her mind as a parting word.

But that was just Rosalie's way. It was how she was, and there wasn't any way to change that about her. Not that I wanted to – I loved her like that, because she was my sister. Most humans thought her perfect, but really, she was just as kooky and Alice at times.

I appreciated it today, however. And now all I needed to do was wait for Carlisle and Esme to come back around midday and apologize to my parents. With them out hunting, I didn't want to interrupt what must have been the first alone time they had had in a long while.

But it was overshadowed by what I had done; my words had caused them to leave, and no doubt that was all each could think about out there. I felt immensely guilty, and as I stepped back inside the house Jasper hit me with a wave to take the guilt away.

"Thank you, Jasper," I said as I ran up the staircase. He replied in his mind._ It's not a big deal. I'm happy to help you, Edward. Now, just go up to your room and listen to music until Carlisle and Esme get home._

I followed his instructions to the letter; the majority of the day up until the early afternoon was spent listening to music in my room. The tense feeling of my home was diminished greatly, for I had already made most of my apologies.

My parents came home to the quiet, peaceful house and immediately wandered from the garage, through the downstairs and to each Alice and Jasper's rooms. By the time they made it up to my room, where I lay on my couch with my eyes closed, they had already heard from them what I had said.

All the stories matched perfectly with each other, as per my insistence. Each member of my family had heard the same basic details that I had told, and now Carlisle and Esme needed only hear the words from my own lips.

My mother entered the room first; I sat up the second they opened the door to my room. Esme quietly made her way over to sit beside me – not too close, but just close enough to be of comfort in her opinion. For me, comfort would have been her being a little ways further away – possibly on another sofa altogether.

But it was for her that I allowed my mother to sit there. Carlisle stood in front of me, thinking over what they had been told by all four of my siblings. Esme, too, was thinking over everything and was much calmer now.

I had to start. "I'm sorry, Carlisle, Esme – I didn't mean –."

"We know," Carlisle stopped me before I went into my impassioned apologies. "You've always had a temper, Edward, and with our insistence for something between you and Isabella and Alice's vision, we should have noticed that you needed time to think."_ We have as much to apologize for as you. _

"With everything you've told us before, we should have paid attention to you," Esme twisted her own fingers together, aware that taking my hand on her own wouldn't help with my comfort levels right now. "You always insisted that this life was one no one should want – we should have remembered that, but instead became caught up in the hope that you would no longer be the lone man out in this family."_ Even though we still dearly hope for someone to be with you._

That had certainly been true. "Esme, I don't think I want to be alone anymore – but I don't know about Bella. And I don't know what she wants, or if she would even consider anything more than our current…well, friendship isn't quite right…" I didn't know what to label it as.

"Friendship," Esme agreed. "After all the years you've been alone, it's not unreasonable for you to be uncertain about your own feelings, even when we think we can clearly see them."_ You're the only one who really, truly knows you._ "It should be your choice – but not yours alone."_ There is one other person who has a say in this, Edward._

"Edward, you have to understand that if you decide to go on to something more with Bella, eventually you might have to offer her the choice of being with us all for eternity." Carlisle held up a hand when my head snapped up in anger. "It is her choice as much as it is yours."_ She might not want to, or she might want nothing more than to be with you as an equal._

"But you don't have to worry about that right away." Esme smiled happily at me. "Get to know her. Learn more about her. Don't let your hesitation about control hold you back from finding out if this is what you really want."_ Then the next step can be taken in regards to her and you, your relationship._

Esme stood and they turned to go, having forgiven me long before they even reached the house. They understood the two instances – in fact, Carlisle had thought that he would have been shocked if those hadn't been the times I had considered it before. But with the explanation from my siblings, I didn't need to repeat it again for them.

I did, however, have to think about what they had just told me. And I had one more question. "Esme?"

"Yes, dear?" She turned around to me, standing at the door already._ Ask away, my son._ Carlisle stood behind her in the doorframe, waiting patiently._ Is something wrong, or is he just curious about one more thing?_

"What…what would that 'next step' be?" My forehead was creased into a frown, wondering about what she could have meant by that.

She beamed. "Bring her home to meet your family, of course."_ She would have to get to know us as well if there was even the smallest chance that she loved you as you most likely love her – seeing as you're asking these questions, I'd think that you just might love her even if you're uncertain about your heart._

I couldn't speak as my parents left me alone in my room. Bring Bella here…to my home, where my family lived? A house filled with vampires, all of whom could possibly kill her at a moment's notice?

There was a very small possibility that she would even consider something like that. For her to choose to come with me to my home would mean that she'd know what they were – and I knew that any more information revealed would equate into fury on Rosalie's part, and disapproval from everyone else.

After all, I would be telling the complete truth to a total stranger. Bella couldn't be told the secret of what we were, or she would be a target for the Volturi – if we ever accidentally let it slip that she had been told, which wasn't likely – or she could reveal it.

Of course, I believed that both of those possibilities were impossible. We would not be heading to Volterra for many more centuries, not if we could help it. There was very little chance they could figure out what I had done if I told her.

The chance of Bella telling our secret was minuscule. There was very little that we could be sure of about her, but something in me told me that she wouldn't give up our secrets to anyone if we asked her not to.

As she had said before, she wanted to know what she was protecting when I had been so furious in the hospital after the near-death accident she had been in. Bella wouldn't tell our secret – she'd know what she was protecting, after all.

I glanced out the window to see the sunlight fading away slowly in behind the trees. There was still a few hours left of sunlight, and I was edgy and wanted to run. But where to – of course. Bella's house.

Taking careful leaps down the hall and stairs, I made it out of the house before my family could stop me. They would know where I had gone, anyway – and if not, Alice would tell them.

Carefully winding my way through the forest, I sensed no humans along my way and was soon pulling to a halt in the backyard of her house. I would have a few long hours to wait before she would be heading off to sleep, but I could handle that. I stepped forward to the edge of the shade in the trees.

The next second, I abruptly pulled back. For there, right on the edge of the sunlight and nearly into the shade, Bella was lying in the sun.

Sniffing the air, I realized why I hadn't caught her scent in warning. The wind blew away from me, the light breeze carrying the brunt of her scent away from me. But as close as I was, I could still smell her despite the air pulling the aroma away.

I crept forward again, crouching low in the trees and bushes. Gazing down at her face, I took not of the closed eyes, slow breaths, and general stillness and calmness about her. She was asleep.

Her dark hair was spread out like a halo around her head; silky against the blanket she had spread on the ground, it drifted around her face in the breeze. Her sleeves had been pushed up so the sun could cast its rays on as much of her skin as possible – my eyes were strangely attracted to the pale skin of her waist, where her shirt had ridden up in sleep.

Shaking my head away from the pale skin, my eyes caught sight of a book lying beside her limp hand. Curiosity got the better of me and I inched forward, trying to read the title. It was a volume of the works of Jane Austen.

Even her reading material was more mature than others of her age. I could count on one hand the number of teenagers at the Forks high school who had truly enjoyed reading _Pride and Prejudice_ and Bella had just been added to the handful.

Of course, I only knew that statistic because I had read their minds. Since I couldn't read Bella's I had to go on my assumption that she wasn't trying to impress anyone with reading her rather thick volume.

Sitting down with my back against a tree, I watched her for a long minute – she wasn't talking, but then again, she always spoke in her sleep just after she fell into slumber. She's been asleep for a while, then.

I didn't want to leave her alone, either, even if I had wanted to go somewhere else rather than here. Just because Alice hadn't seen anyone coming through Forks lately, that didn't mean others never did. Others of my kind who drank from humans.

Usually, vampire covens of another diet went to large cities, where it was easy to hide their kills and remain undetected by humans – other than the victims becoming known as missing people.

But since this was our territory, vampires came by if they knew there was a coven here. There had been several instances over our past three years in Forks where some covens came by. Everywhere we stayed, a group eventually made its way through the town.

Each time, Carlisle would introduce himself and they would be curious as to how old he was. When he would reveal how our coven came to be, they would be amazed if not disgusted by our hunting habits.

Jasper and I would always try to be there when Carlisle met with them; it helped that the three of us were the oldest in the coven. With our abilities, we ensured that things went smoothly between our coven and theirs, and they were usually gone before the next day came.

But I was worried about Bella now, more than ever – if covens came by, there was no doubt that they would attack her if they caught her scent. It might not have been as strong for my family as it was for me, but it was still strong.

I didn't want her to be put at risk, and draw attention from other vampires who wouldn't hesitate to kill her. I'd be watching her more carefully, especially if she exhibited this kind of behavior more.

Vampires who hunted humans rarely went into houses and took victims away, but instead pulled them behind dark alleys or things of the like – it was much easier to keep inconspicuous if it seemed as if another kidnapping or runaway had been committed.

For a long time, I sat near Bella, guarding her from any danger that might have come. I didn't sense anything the whole time I was there, but I felt better about being near her and keeping her from harm despite no danger being present.

The sun was barely down when I heard her father's car on the road. With utmost care, I drew back into the trees, eyes fixed intently on Bella. My sensitive hearing picked up a slight increase in her heart rate up until Police Chief Swan's car pulled into the driveway.

Then, she shot up out of sleep, dazed and disoriented. Her gaze flew around her, unfocused and confused; her heart rate increased more as she propped herself up on her hands. I shrank back a little bit more, surprised myself, when she called hesitantly, "Charlie?"

She was looking for him somewhere out here – she knew that someone was here. Bella just didn't know it was I who had been watching her for a long time, although it was her father who had woken her from sleep moments before.

The door slammed in the front of the house and she leapt to her feet, adjusting her clothes before bending down and gathering the quilt and book in her arms. Her eyes flickered over the trees in the forest briefly once more – I froze when they drifted over me.

And then she was turning around, rushing to the house quickly. Her heartbeat was intoxicating and I found myself gripping rocks under my hands to stop myself from chasing after her – her fear and worry made her sweet scent so much more, and it was almost impossible for me to resist giving chase.

But I managed to stay where I was as she disappeared into the house. I heard her saying, "Sorry, Dad, dinner's not ready yet – I fell asleep outside." Charlie Swan's mind was relieved that he had time to watch some of his game before eating – he had been afraid he'd miss it.

"Don't worry about it – I wanted to catch the game, anyway."_ I don't mind her taking time to rest. She's obviously just up from a nap – I'm glad she got some sleep. I was worried she'd have trouble here in Forks, getting to rest. It's nothing like Phoenix, after all._

I skulked out side the house as they ate and sat down in front of the television together. Charlie was content to be doing something with his only daughter, and occasionally made references in his thoughts to summer visits he and she had made in California and Forks in the years before she refused to come up here any more.

It was entertaining to learn slight tidbits about Bella – like how she was clumsy because Charlie was. But I paid sharp attention when she asked him about going into Port Angeles with her friends Jessica and Angela the next day.

He gave her permission, but I found my throat clenching in fear. Port Angeles was smaller than Seattle, but visitors that came by to see us in Forks often got their meals from the slightly larger town. There were plenty of places she could hurt herself there.

And if she was going with only these two friends, I didn't like to think of what could possibly happen to her there. Especially since one of them was Jessica Stanley, whom Bella clearly did not know was very unenthusiastic about Bella being near any of her friends.

At least Angela Weber was going with them. She had always had very kind thoughts and left my siblings alone. Of course, she had had a small crush on Jasper in the beginning of the year, but quickly picked up on Alice and Jasper's relationship and let it drop with good humor.

If there were anyone I would think Bella should be a friend with, I would say it had to be Angela. I was glad that she was going on the trip, although I would have preferred if Charlie hadn't allowed Bella to head off to Port Angeles anyway.

That night when Bella went to sleep, I heard myself mentioned numerous times and several references to sunlight and my being away from school. I wondered if she would figure out the connection or not, and decided that I wasn't as against her starting to piece me together as I should have been.

It certainly wouldn't be the end of the world, I had to admit as I leapt out her window and hit the ground without a single sound. Bella figuring out things for herself would allow her to show if she would be willing to know me better or not. And I wouldn't even have to tell her what I was to get a response about her thoughts on what I was.

But I was still concerned about this trip that she was going to go on tomorrow. I wouldn't be at school for another day – the sunlight kept us from it once more – and so I wouldn't see her all day again. But that didn't change the fact that I would want to see her again.

A solution came to me just before I reached my home. If I felt she wouldn't be safe going to Port Angeles and wanted to see her – then why didn't I follow her out to the small city?

It was perfect. I could keep watch on her and make sure nothing went wrong for her and her friends – even though I wouldn't consider Jessica in that category. Plans for the next day set in my mind, I made my way to my room to listen to yet more music and wait for the time in which I could once more venture out and set the plan into motion.

* * *

**A/N – For all that is holy on this Earth! This took forever to type the hell up! I kept going back and changing things – I think that this is the fifth version of this chapter (and there was a sixth version, too)! But I deleted them all and stuck to this one, because I think it expresses the most Edward-ness compared to my other drafts. I really, really, really am sorry that it is taking me so long to write new chapters for all of you! I also want to not that Moby is a great artist and I love the song "Porcelain" for being my nonstop repeat for the past month or so.**

**Yeah, my parents just might hate me for that right now. :)**

**Good news! This is my last week of school and then I'm out for summer break! Then I'm hanging around for most of June except for spontaneous trips my Dad takes us on because I have a ballet recital for my studio on June 30!**

**Bad news****: My family trip is going to start on July 2. Which means I'm taking a plane from out here in California, heading to Walt Disney World in Florida, going on a Disney Cruise, to Disney World, and then Universal Studios, for nearly three weeks – I think – and so won't have much computer access. After June 30, my stories are going to be updated rarely – if at all – and when I come back, I'm going to have to actually write chapters because I won't have much computer access on vacation. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( **

**I'm writing like crazy now and will for the next two weeks – my parents will still be at their jobs for the next two weeks and so I will have time to write almost all day for nearly two weeks. Pray for me, guys, because I want to get as much of everything I'm writing up as I possibly can! **

**So on June 30 or even July 1, I'm going to put up the manufactured notice to tell all of everyone else that I'm going on vacation for all my other stories. With luck, I'll have chapters to put up just before each A/N so you'll at least have some work up with the dumb A/N. Sorry!**

**Review for me, please! I love to hear feedback! And I thank all of you who kept nagging me to write more – I needed your help to push me!**


	14. Port Angeles

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Fifteen: Port Angeles **

* * *

The next day passed through a haze of boredom. There was nothing for me to do besides listen to music and try to tune out the thoughts of my family. With the sun shining brightly outside the window, none of us would risk leaving the house unless we were heading out to hunt.

My couch was just out of reach of the direct rays of sunlight during the middle of the day, but the light reflected off the carpet to glimmer across my skin. It wasn't the full effect that the sun would have had upon direct contact, but it was enough to make me look brighter.

This always happened to us whenever there was sun outside. It was a bit tiring after a hundred years to see your skin never look normal in the sunlight. But I loved the heat despite the embedded mirrors in my skin.

I hadn't gone out to the meadow today, but that was more out of concern for my family's sanity than my want to leave the house. I would have left and spent my time there until the end of school and Bella's departure to Port Angeles if not for what had transpired just the day before.

Everyone was much calmer now, even though there were lingering thoughts of me possibly lying about what I had said. But those thoughts were always pushed out when the person in question rationalized that I wouldn't lie to them.

It went in a cycle, however, for I had indeed lied to my family before – there was no real way of knowing whether I was lying or not. The best reasoning that was thought of was Alice's visions.

She hadn't seen me hurting myself and therefore, everyone trusted what I had told him or her and let it be, at least on the surface of everything. She had told everyone that she hadn't seen anything to do with me attempting suicide or something of that sort, so they trusted that I wouldn't.

Did I feel guilty about lying? Intensely so, it seemed, for Jasper constantly told me that I didn't need to feel guilty about my words anymore. Yet I couldn't help but rationalize my own decisions – they didn't need to know, they were better off not knowing in case I tried to go through with it, it was better this way…

I was not a person to show my emotions, which was why my revelation was a surprise to even I. Letting my anger get the better of me had turned a relatively simple task of convincing my family that Bella was better of human into a web of convoluted lies and truths.

Quite simply, it was agonizing.

My music reflected my need for calm and peace for the time I spent inside while the sun was bright outdoors. CD after CD of light classical music and a few random modern artists consisted of the array of choices for today, and none of them ventured into anything even remotely hinting at dark or depressed.

It was more of a show than anything. I was subtly planting an illusion of happiness and content within the minds of my family by playing this music – none of them suspected anything about my music choices except for Jasper.

Then again, he was only concerned that I was beating myself up too much about letting my temper reign for a brief moment of time. He believed that my choice in music was to try and help myself let go of the guilt that was embedded deep inside me.

Of course he was a little bit right about that. I was trying to make myself let go of the certainty that I shouldn't have revealed anything – it was done with, over now. I couldn't change the fact that they all knew even if they didn't know, and had to stop this here.

My eyes were closed as I reclined on the sofa, waiting for the right time to head off to Bella's house. School was going to let out soon, maybe ten minutes from now – I would know if I bothered to open my eyes and look at the clock on the wall.

I didn't, however, and let myself relax into the warmth I could feel radiating from the sun outside my bedroom window. Sprawled across the couch, my legs dangled over the armrest so my head could lie flat on the cushions. It was so peaceful right then that I didn't want to move an inch, no matter that I wanted to see Bella.

_Edward! Edward, you should head out!_ Alice called to me, a flash of the clock playing through her mind. School had been out for a few short minutes, but it was enough that Bella might be leaving by the time I reached her house.

Leaping off of my couch, I raced down the stairs, grabbing my keys and throwing on my jacket. Emmett and Rosalie were in the garage – Rosalie working on her car, Emmett talking with her – and Jasper and Alice were in the living room with Esme watching TV. Carlisle was in his study, looking in a few medical texts.

Esme had stood as I entered the room via the staircase and now watched me carefully from her closer proximity. I gazed back into her eyes, trying to project innocence and confidence. _Be careful for the both of you, Edward._ "You'll be all right, and she'll be all right even if you aren't there."

"I hope so," I answered as I slid my cell phone into my pocket, "but I don't plan on letting her out of my sight or mind's range for a second."

Jasper frowned._ Mind range?_ "You can't hear her thoughts, though."

"I know. She's going with two friends – Angela Weber and," I wrinkled my nose in distaste, still knowing that the second girl wasn't truly Bella's friend "Jessica Stanley."

_Jessica Stanley?_ "I can't believe she's pretending to be friends with Bella – she's among the most shallow humans there are!" Alice's eyebrows were arched in frustration._ Bella deserves better friends than her! _

Her thoughts were journeying dangerously into the territory of Bella becoming a sister and best friend to both of my current 'sisters' – I had to fight to control my anger. "Indeed. I should go, however – you're the one who told me I should hurry, Alice. Am I allowed to go now?"

She smiled and laughed, waving her hands at me from where she still sat at Jasper's side. "Go, go! Have fun!"_ I can't see anything happening tonight, but a crucial decision hasn't been made yet – the future is foggy. You have your cell phone, though, so I can call you just in case._

"Yes, Alice," I sighed. I had wanted to have some assurance that Bella would be all right after this trip into Port Angeles, but now it looked as if I'd have to live it out without knowing what my choices would bring. "My cell phone is on. Don't hesitate to call."

With a last fleeting grin – which startled all three of them, much to my annoyance – I darted out of the house and to my car, parked in the driveway and ready to go. The Volvo was clean as always – courtesy of the constant rain in Forks – and dry thanks to the sunlight that was, even now, beating down.

My skin began to sparkle as I walked out into the beams being cast down to the ground; I quickly darted inside my car, safe in the shade it provided. My long sleeves and jeans covered most of my skin; I pulled on a pair of plain leather gloves to cover my hands on the steering wheel, which was still in the sunlight.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I heard Rosalie's venomous thoughts from the garage where Emmett was trying to occupy her in conversation._ What does he think he's doing? That girl will be fine for the time she's out of town! It's only for an evening and she's with two friends! He's stupid this is insane…_

Sighing, I ignored her to the best of my ability as I drove along the road towards her house. Rosalie was becoming increasingly annoyed about my interest in Bella – and more jealous by the day.

Rosalie wanted nothing more than to be human, even though she was glad she had Emmett and our family. But by me being interested in a human, she was scared of our family being discovered and furious that I would endanger us by tempting the possibility of killing Bella.

She wasn't worth worrying over right now, however. I reached Bella's house and parked my car a little ways down the street so I could watch her driveway. Soon, her red truck drove up and behind it followed a white Mercury with Jessica at the wheel.

Jessica pulled to a stall in front of Bella's house. I watched the sweet-scented human girl dash to her door, afraid that she might trip on her own two feet, and she disappeared into the house. Jessica was left drumming her fingers on the wheel.

_I got my date with Mike and Bella obviously doesn't like him – she's still on about Edward Cullen._ Her lips curled into a sneer that I could see from behind the windshield of my own car._ Whatever he sees in her, I don't care – I like Mike. But he better be prepared for Tyler, because Ty's been spreading around all over school that he and Bella are going to prom together. Lucky slut – three different guys going after her. _

My throat felt tight at the thought of Tyler. Had Bella accepted him this time? When had he asked her to prom? Of course – it had been sunny for the past two days of school. He had plenty of time to talk to her then, when I was not around.

My hands clenched into fists involuntarily. I was risking a lot to try and pursue this…thing, between us. Why did a mere human male have to pick away at the very loose presence I had around Bella?

Quickly, I tried to make myself calm down. A rumor wasn't solid fact – I shouldn't believe everything I hear from a person's mind and believe it automatically true. Nevertheless, a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach threatened to overcome the rationalizing I was putting myself through.

Bella came out of her house then with a purse slung over her shoulder, school backpack left inside. I quietly shifted gears in my car and watched intently as Jessica did the same and began to drive off down the street.

I tailed them from a distance, never even in range of the car's sight. However, I was able to hear every thought in the car as I followed and focused my mind t where I knew they were driving.

Jessica had pulled up to Angela Weber's house and now all three girls seemed to be driving to Port Angeles. My car followed them there – I was thankful that the road wasn't too crowded, or else I would have had trouble trying to concentrate on solely their minds.

They were talking – as females do – about other human males and clothing. For a while they seemed to be singing along to some music that was playing – I recognized it instantly as a rock band. It wasn't something I'd prefer, but then again I listened to almost any type. I had eternity to hear music.

There was nothing particularly interesting going on with them, and it was second nature for me to drive – but I couldn't drift into my own thoughts. Every time I grew a little bit lax in my watch over the car they were traveling in, the thoughts of everyone else – however scarce – on the road drifted in.

I had to concentrate to block them out, and so the car ride was spent as I focused and refocused. I also had to make sure that my speed was low enough to stay behind them – and that was quite a bit lower than my usual speed.

I felt like I was moving at a snail's pace. Their car reached Port Angeles before I and by the time I made it where they had gone, I had to search out a parking spot for my Volvo in a most shaded area.

Knowing that they had gone inside the department store, I parked as close to the place as I could at one of the two entrances. I could just barely get the feel of Angela and Jessica's thoughts – and of course, nothing from Bella.

My intent concentration on the girl's minds helped me block nearly everything else out so I could concentrate on what was happening inside the department store. They just had to be too far away for me to hear easily, I griped as my fingers drummed on the steering wheel.

I knew, however, that even if I parked on the other side of the department store I still wouldn't be close enough to hear their minds that well. I had to settle for keeping the faint tenor in my head by concentrating on them again.

I couldn't pick out words that they were saying, and my concentration made the other minds of people in the department store nearly scream in my head. That didn't help with me trying to hear those voices in particular, but it did allow me much practice in concentration.

Several men were obviously in there – I caught many images of various women's body parts from some especially rude-minded 'men' – and the women were mostly thinking about clothes and images of various garments flew by my mind at a dizzying speed.

It was nearly five and the sky was darkening – it was still early in the year, nearer to winter than summer. I could see clouds starting to come in and pulled out my cell phone to ask Alice if the weather was going to be good or bad – that could make listening in and watching the three females difficult.

My eyebrows creased when I noticed that I had flipped it open, but no light had turned on. Pressing the power button, I was startled when I received the message 'No Power'. Thinking back, I realized that I hadn't plugged the thing in – nearly four nights ago.

Heaving a heavy sigh, I turned my head back to look at the large building. I had lost track of the minds I was searching for while looking to my cell phone, and now found them again – the thoughts were much clearer. Jessica, Angela and Bella were taking the clothes out to the car, on the other side of the building.

I didn't want them to see me, so I kept in the same spot as I listened to the idle chitchat between the three girls. I could hear them much better now, even though the other voices were still loud in my mind.

Nothing popped out at me for several minutes until I heard from Jessica, _I hope Bella likes that bookstore I sent her to. The idiot would have known better than to go to that mumbo-jumbo place if she was from around here. They don't sell any actual books there – only junk._ An image accompanied the words.

Instantly on guard, I turned my car on and pulled out of my parking spot quickly. If what Jessica was thinking was real, then she had deliberately sent Bella off on her own when she asked about a bookstore.

I feared the worst as I turned the corner and my fears were confirmed as I saw only Jessica and Angela, side by side and walking away from the car with their purchases unloaded in the vehicle. Bella wasn't with them.

Feeling a bit anxious, I turned the car down the street and began thinking about the bookstore I had seen. It didn't seem familiar; I would have to search for it. She would probably be safe – as long as she stayed in populated areas.

Despite how long I had been in existence, this was the first time I had been to Port Angeles myself. I didn't know where I was going, but I did know how I could find the bookstore. Bella had headed that way – and I could follow Bella, despite the twisting in my gut that I felt for considering this.

Rolling down the window just a fraction of the way, I inhaled deeply from the air as I sped along the street. Almost immediately I caught a whiff of her scent and turned down a road according to it.

My twisting path took be around a block back to the store. I glanced in the window once and sniffed the air experimentally – and Bella's scent stayed outside on the air. It didn't go into the store at all – I could smell human scent from the air conditioning that blew air out to the street.

Her scent led south, away from the main part of Port Angeles; I could smell the path from where I sat because of the light changes in the wind. Growling low in my throat, I parked the car in front of the bookstore to wait for her to return.

Was she insane, to go off alone in an unfamiliar place? As far as I knew, Bella had never been here before – Jessica's thoughts had made it clear she thought Bella was incompetent because this was her first trip here.

Sitting in my car and fuming, I wondered why Angela hadn't insisted they go with her, or why Jessica didn't see that if Bella got lost, Chief Swan would blame her because Bella went on the trip with them. It was the kind of thing I'd think a shallow girl like Jessica, only having self-interest at heart, would consider.

Obviously, she wasn't as smart as she tried to seem. Well, that was obvious – she was angry with Bella for taking Mike's attention even though it was plainly obvious that Bella had no interest in the boy.

The protectiveness I felt over Bella had to be causing this unexpected anger towards those girls. Normally, I wouldn't consider stooping to their level to rant about something or another that I felt was their fault, but in this case I found myself criticizing their every action.

I was glad they were no longer close by, however, as I would have been all too distracted to listen to the minds around me. If I were to know where Bella was, I would have to listen in on people's thoughts.

Letting Bella go off alone was definitely not the best decision anyone could make. I wanted nothing more than to leap out of my car and chase after her, but that wouldn't be helpful at all. I would sparkle in the sunlight, glitter like some strange demon.

Having to wait behind and find at least her location was the best I could do right now. Listening in on the thoughts of various people proved to be a waste of time, however – no one had seen her pass by.

My fingers began drumming incessantly on the wheel as the sun began to sink beyond the horizon. I couldn't sit still here – I had to move, do something to make me feel like I was going after her. Clouds began to drift closer to blocking the sun as I pulled my car out onto the streets again.

With my windows rolled completely up, I cruised down the street in the same direction that Bella's scent had led. I couldn't leave the window open right now and actually follow her scent – the sun was so low that I had no idea when an accidental ray of light might manage to go through the glass to hit me.

At least if the pane of glass was up, anyone who saw sun touching my skin might think it was an illusion, the window itself being the thing to sparkle so brightly. With no solid destination point and no way of knowing where Bella had disappeared to, I was almost as lost as she probably was.

There was a street up ahead cutting across the one I drove on; one turn led to the abandoned warehouses, and the other led to the more populated, touristy areas of Port Angeles. I immediately turned toward the populated area – there was no way she actually wandered into the deserted warehouses. That was suicidal – everyone knew what could happen there.

And even though she was new to the town, it wasn't a very far leap from 'abandoned warehouses' to 'rape and murder'.

For a long time, I was stuck driving around in circles throughout Port Angeles. I passed by a small Italian restaurant; Jessica and Angela were inside, just getting a table. _Where is she? She was supposed to meet us here._ Angela was worried about Bella._ I hope she's all right._

Jessica, however, was not so sympathetic._ I should have known that stupid girl would get herself lost. If I get in trouble with Chief Swan for this I'll make certain she pays – she may be on the rise in school, but her popularity is only going to get me up there too, not earn let her earn my respect._

Resisting the urge to storm in and give the female a piece of my mind, I drove away back towards the bookstore. If she was supposed to meet them there for dinner and hadn't yet shown up, something had to be wrong.

Now that the sun was setting, I could leave my car – and I was going to track her down by scent, and on foot. My plan had only formulated so far as finding her – what I would do once I found her, I wasn't certain of.

I could tell her that her friends were waiting for her at the restaurant and that I had seen her earlier in the day with them. But would she be suspicious of that, of me consciously knowing that she was in Port Angeles and with her friends? What would she think of that?

Once again I came to the turn I had passed before – this time however, I paused. Would Bella have gone down this way? She didn't know the city, that was true – but surely even she wouldn't be foolhardy enough to let herself go down into a deserted area alone.

Nevertheless, I turned in that direction, knowing that there was a quick way to the bookstore once I had passed through this place. I was halfway through the section of the town when I caught an image of Bella's face in someone's mind.

She looked scared but strong, determined and worried. Her face was so beautiful I nearly missed the words in the mind that came with the sight.

_Well, won't tonight be fun? She can't be more than seventeen – probably still virgin, too. I hope I get to go first this time around, but even last would be fine for this one._

The steering wheel cracked beneath my hands; the gas pedal was instantly pushed to the maximum. I could feel a harsh growl building up in my chest at the thoughts that still persevered. Now the images in their minds weren't just of Bella's face…my growl shook the interior of me car.

There was inescapable rage building in me at every second as I raced towards where Bella was, penned in by four of a type of human that was most despicable. I would get Bella out of there, certainly and without a doubt – and I would destroy those humans for this.

A part of me began to pull back from the burning anger, reminding me of myself when I had hunted humans – the red eyes, the monster inside myself that roared. Well, the monster was screaming inside me now and I had every intention of letting it free.

Bella…I had to get her to safety. The monster part of me growled; she would be safe in the car. The humans wouldn't be able to get anywhere near it if I didn't want them to.

But she would see. That was enough to cool my hotheadedness enough for me to think. If Bella saw, she wouldn't see the me I tried so hard to keep up – she'd see the me that I attempted to lock up, the one that was a bloodthirsty demon and murderer.

If I let that self free, Bella would see it – and undoubtedly be terrified to go anywhere near me. The mere thought that she would avoid me from this night on was unbearably painful – but at the same time, tolerable. Tolerable as long as I was able to rip those human males to shreds, of course.

My car nearly flipped over at the speed with which I turned the corner. There, in front of me, stood faces to accompany the thoughts of disturbed, disgusting males – and an innocent human girl whom I had to save at any cost.

Her face had turned to me the instant the headlights had flipped around the corner, but I had still had time to see her face before she saw my car. It was strangely determined, focused; she hadn't been trying to make a run for it.

The curiosity was swamped underneath the pure anger that still course throughout my body. I knew then that if we didn't leave, and leave quickly, there was no way I was going to be able to stop myself from feeding on these males right in front of Bella.

Fishtailing around between Bella and the males that had been trying to surround her, my hand stretched out and flung open the door too quickly for the human eye to see. I had to keep my gaze straight ahead as her scent slammed into me upon the door's opening.

The car light hadn't turned on – I never had it on; vampires could see in the dark and were hardly in danger from muggers or the like. Belatedly I realized that Bella might be more scared of me, a stranger in a dark car, than four human males attempting to rape her – especially if she couldn't see my face.

With much strength of will, I managed to stay in place as I drew in a breath and commanded her, "Get in." Her scent slammed into me once more, a wrecking ball to a flimsy paper dollhouse.

To my surprise, she leapt into the passenger seat beside me – I had expected her to be a little bit more cautious. Then again, she had wandered into several streets of abandoned warehouses – what was getting into a car with a stranger compared to that?

Of course, I wasn't truly a stranger; but how would she know that unless she recognized my voice? It was too much to think about all at once while this was happening. I had to leave now, or risk letting the monster inside of me loose.

My car took off with a screech of rubber against the asphalt. Turning around the head north, I couldn't resist letting the car nearly hit the men who dove to the sidewalk to avoid being hit. Vampires were slightly sadistic in playing with their prey; and this was the only outlet I could let that pleasure come into play with Bella near.

Their parting thoughts were of anger that they hadn't had their fun with Bella – that did nothing to help decrease my temper. Pushing the gas pedal down for all it was worth, I snapped, "Put on your seatbelt." She was clutching the seat with her hands, something that was not safe.

Then again, she seemed to like being 'not safe', I growled in my head. The car swayed dangerously as I took another sharp turn. No cars were coming, so I was allowed to blow through stop signs without pause, eager to put space between those men and me.

Even though the monster inside of me was roaring and trying to persuade me to turn back, to go drink from those men or even turn on this innocent girl beside me and drink that sweet blood…I couldn't. I would not give in to something that would make me that monster once more.

Because if I drank from a human, I would turn back to that nature that I had gone into with my rebellion. I couldn't do that.

My driving was almost reckless and speeding, but there were no police, no other people along the road I had chosen. It was selected because it was veritably empty, and no thoughts could be heard from anywhere along it. I had free reign to speed straight out of Port Angeles, with a safe Bella beside me.

"Are you okay?" Her breathy whisper drew my mind back to the car. I couldn't glance at her, however – if I did, I would be unable to stop myself from diving toward her throat. With my anger so predominant, I had much less control over my instincts.

"No." I felt sorry for my snappy, short answer, but the anger in my voice must have clearly told her that I was not going to be able to talk like a civilized person. It was almost like agony to feel her gaze, startled and worried, upon my face – and for me to be unable to look back, and hear what she thought.

It was surprisingly quiet as we drove. With no one else out on our road, there was nothing for me to hear besides my own thoughts. It was slow going, trying to calm myself down, and I was having little success.

Staring straight ahead out of the windshield, I could tell that we were no longer in Port Angeles – indeed, hadn't for a short while – and were a relatively safe distance from those men that I wanted nothing more than to murder.

My foot slammed on the brakes when I was certain that I wouldn't immediately leap up and chase down those men far behind us in town. But that didn't help the feeling of thirst that was rising up in me inescapably from Bella sitting so close by.

I could hear her heart beating fast and strong, her lungs taking in air and releasing it. She turned her head to glance out the windows, trying to see where we were, and her scent was spread even further throughout the car because of her movements. It was hell.

"Bella?" I had trouble controlling myself. Desperately, I tried to calm myself down; she was a living, breathing person, with a life ahead of her. I couldn't kill her, and no matter how much I wanted to I could not chase after those other men.

Her voice was rough. "Yes?" Thankfully, she had been scared by her encounter – hopefully this meant she wouldn't do anything as foolish as running off into streets of abandoned warehouses again.

But it was those men who had scared her so. "Are you all right?" I couldn't quench the anger – I kept thinking of Bella as prey, and that did nothing to help calm my thirst for her blood. She had been prey to those men – and suddenly, I found myself angry with them for trying to take my rightful hunt.

No! That wasn't what Bella was. I struggled to concentrate as she croaked, "Yes."

The monster inside me was struggling violently to get to 'its' prey. "Distract me, please." It was the best bet I had – Alice's technique of dealing with her thirst: know that the 'prey' has a life, hopes, family…all those things that make one see them as 'not prey', but merely temptation.

"I'm sorry, what?" Of course; she didn't know what I was struggling with right now. Attempting to clear my head a bit, I released a huff of the air I had taken in, which carried her scent. I had to take in more air to speak, however.

"Just prattle on about something unimportant until I calm down." I had to squeeze my eyes shut so I couldn't inadvertently glance over at Bella. In addition, I pinched the bridge of my nose – a usual way of attempting to calm down the anger I felt, this time directed at myself.

I wasn't strong enough to so much as sit in a car beside Bella without wanting to sink my teeth into her throat, and it didn't help that those men were still on my mind – the ones that I could no pursue even after Bella was once more safe at home.

Her soft voice echoed into the car. "Um…I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"

Well, that was unexpected. Had Jessica or Angela said anything about him spreading their presumed 'prom date' over school? Was it not true? The spike of happiness I felt was enough to help me begin to gain control over my anger. Lips twitching, I asked, "Why?"

"He's telling everyone he's taking me to prom – either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well, you remember it, and he thinks _prom_ is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though. If he doesn't have a ride, he can't take anyone to prom…"

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing as she babbled on. So she hadn't actually said yes to his question of asking her out – and she thought that he didn't like her. Well, he did imagine himself to love her, as most of the boys in school.

I couldn't resist teasing her about it in an attempt to keep my own mind from drifting back to the men I still wanted to murder. "I heard about that."

"_You_ did?" I didn't know why she stressed 'you', but I couldn't help my amusement when she grumbled on, "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom, either."

It was strange how I wanted to smile in happiness at her obvious disdain for Tyler, but the anger wasn't an easy thing to get rid of. Letting my eyes open, I leaned my head back against the seat to stare at the ceiling. It was hard to keep myself from showing any emotion.

If I let any emotion through right now, it would no doubt be a dizzying kaleidoscope. It was confusing even me, right now – anger, frustration, worry, relief…could there be a worse time for Jasper not to be around?

The dominating feeling, however, was undoubtedly the fury I felt on Bella's behalf. I couldn't believe it; I had followed her here to Port Angeles to protect her, and she was nearly raped because I lost concentration for one moment. Barely even that: it was my fault that I almost didn't get to her in time.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Oh, if only she knew what was wrong!

I settled for one truth of many as I transferred my gaze out the window. "Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella." Eyes narrowing and hands clenching, I struggled with the next words. "But it _wouldn't_ be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…at least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"Oh."

If only I cold tell her how close I came to being too late to help her. If I had just gone down to the warehouses first, I could have spared her the terror of being nearly captured; I should have known she would do something stupid like that.

By the day, it was becoming easier to see Bella was independent and strong-willed. I should have seen that she'd go exploring in a town she'd never been in before – alone, nonetheless.

I was also furious with myself. If I had thought to charge my cell phone, then I would have been able to call Alice for help. Maybe she was even trying to call me and tell me, but had been unable to get through. If I had charged the phone, I could have found her before she was penned in.

Suddenly her voice broke the stillness. "Jessica and Angela will be worried. I was supposed to meet them."

I resisted the urge to tell her that Jessica would probably only be worried because she was afraid of being blamed for Bella becoming lost. Starting the engine wordlessly, I turned us around and took the streets to the Italian place I had seen the two girls in before.

With the speed I drove, it only took a few minutes for me to get us back to the Italian place. Parallel-parking, I heard the thoughts of both girls at the restaurant – they were just leaving, having finished moments ago.

_Where could she be? I really hope Bella didn't get into trouble or something of the sort! _Angela was worried for her friend with genuine concern, thinking that Jessica was the same.

_If she's lost, Chief Swan will blame me for it. Did that girl do this on purpose? I don't want to get into trouble! _Her thoughts were of herself, as always.

"How did you know where…?" Bella began to ask, then shook her head with a flash of something in her eyes. I wondered what she was thinking, knowing too late that she hadn't told me the name of the place she was going to meet her friends – or even that it was a restaurant. That was a mistake she would undoubtedly not let by.

Since they had already eaten, I opened my own door and began to get out. I didn't want Bella to go hungry – and I had to admit that I didn't want to be alone right now either. If I were, I'd probably run off to hunt down those men.

"What are you doing?" Turning back to her before fully stepping out of the car, I saw her eyebrows pulled together, creased in confusion.

It was a struggle to look straight at her and not attack, what with her scent so closely accessible and heartbeat audible. "I'm taking you to dinner." Yes, how ironic; the hunter feeding the prey. No, I couldn't think like that or she'd end up actually being the prey.

Smoothly stepping out of the car, I closed the door a little harder than necessary and moved to stand on the sidewalk. I could see her through the windshield fumbling with her seatbelt. Opening her own door, Bella hurried out and walked up to stand beside me.

"Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too." I knew where they were, but if I moved too much, I would probably be able to catch the scent of those four men, especially if they lived in Port Angeles. "I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."

She shivered for a moment and I wondered if I had scared her, guilt starting up again. But she called out, "Jess! Angela!" and waved her arm as they turned, each recalling Bella's voice in their minds and turning to see if it was really her.

I looked at them as they hurried over, relief evident on both faces – Angela, for Bella and Jessica, for herself. Surprise flitted across both faces – naturally – when they caught sight of me.

_Oh my – no wonder Bella was late if he was with her._ Angela wondered, _Bella and Edward – did they plan to meet here? Or did she get lost for real – yes, most likely she got lost. It's not that unusual for anyone from Forks to be here; besides, no one actually knows where the Cullens live. _

_That little slut!_ Jessica fumed in her mind as she kept her façade up for Bella._ Isn't it bad enough that normal boys go after her – now she sets up something in Port Angeles with one of the Cullens – the one that doesn't date, much less – and ditches us? How am I going to get popularity if she doesn't think me a friend? _

"Where have you been?"_ Oh, we know where you've been, Bella. Just try and lie to us._ Jessica let suspicion creep into her tone as she asked her question.

"I got lost," Bella replied, a light pink staining her cheeks. "And then I ran into Edward," she added, gesturing towards me.

I picked up my cue. "Would it be all right if I joined you?" Knowing that I was, I let my eyes bore into theirs and my scent drift out with my breath a little further than necessary. The two main weapons of a vampire when capturing human prey without suspicion: breath and eyes.

The appealing scent of venom in combination with a vampire's 'hypnotizing' eyes was enough to make almost any human bend to our will. Angela wasn't as badly affected and her mind didn't drift into the usual hormone-induced thoughts.

Jessica, however, was going full out with her thoughts and I felt like running away in disgust. And I thought that those 'men' were bad… "Er…sure."

Angela saved me. "Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting – sorry." I appreciated her truthfulness; now I had the ability to offer my own plan for the evening.

"That's fine – I'm not hungry." Except, of course, Bella's own actions and words contradicted that.

"I think you should eat something," I told her. Looking at Jessica – and suppressing a quiver of disgust – I asked, "Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats."

"Um, no problem, I guess…" She looked at Bella. _Does she want us to leave? I'd have no problem with ditching her, but that would be bad if she gets mad and doesn't like me after that – that would ruin my popularity. _

I barely caught a glimpse of her eyelashes as she winked; I was trying not to look at her, afraid that I'd loose control if I did. Apparently she had no qualms with being alone with me. I was glad that at least two people knew whom she was with – that gave me another reason to fight my instincts and keep her alive.

With people knowing I was the last person she was with, that would place me in deep suspicion if she disappeared. That would place my family in intense danger of being discovered and was something that I knew no one would be happy about at all.

Angela understood much quicker than Jessica that Bella was all right with being alone with me. "Okay. See you tomorrow Bella…Edward." Taking Jessica's hand, she turned around and led the way to their car. _I hope Bella has fun with him – he seems very nice and he'll take care of her._

My insides felt like shrinking at her unwitting trust that I would be able to control myself. I knew better than to think Bella would be undeniably safe with me – but there was no way for them to know what I was, and what I could do to her if I lost control.

Jessica was predictably annoyed. _I can't believe her! She obviously ditched us for him! Well, I'll just deal with it; she can get me into the popular crowds at school and keep me there. What are they going to do, I wonder?_ She looked back and waved.

Bella waved back before they drove away, then turned to me. I wondered how she could not know that Jessica wasn't as nice person as she seemed – and then how her scent could be so strong as another wave of it hit me head-on. "Honestly, I'm not hungry."

Looking at her innocent face, I took in how pale she was, how tired she tried not to look. "Humor me." She needed food, or she'd go into shock. I'd expected her to already, but she was surprisingly resilient.

Walking to the door of the restaurant, I opened the door and waited as I watched her stand still for a moment. Then, with a short sigh, she walked into the restaurant through the door I held open for her.

It was yet another form of torture for me as she walked past, her warm body filled with blood passing right under my nose. I held my breath for the short time it took for her to pass by.

I followed her into the restaurant and prayed that I would be able to keep my control intact.

* * *

**A/N – I think that this update is the closest to another update that I've ever managed. Wow, I think I'm on a roll:) Also, I have decided that me 'New Moon' in Edward's POV will be 'Blood Moon', but I'm having a bit of trouble about 'Eclipse'. I'll think of something, don't worry:) **

**The number of reviews I've gotten for 'Sunrise' telling me it's great is mind-boggling. I thank all of you, all reviewers out there, for telling me what you really think of this story! I erased the long rant that was here because I decided it was stupid and pointless. Anyway, thank you for reading!**


	15. Interruption

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**_Sunrise _**

**Chapter Sixteen: Interruption**

* * *

The restaurant was very nice by human standards. From what I remembered of my human years, the more modern appliances and knowledge about cooking made meals much more enjoyable than when I was young. 

It wasn't incredibly crowded, but there was still a sizeable amount of warm, inviting blood sitting at the tables. It was always hard for my family to be around our natural food source and control the thirst that sprang up, growling and craving release.

The moment I stepped into the building, I was no longer fighting just control over my instincts to kill Bella, but everyone in the room. But I had trained myself to do this for so long that it was like a ritual to find the control I was struggling with.

My anger at the cruel excuses for human males was diminishing as I kept my mind away from them. I didn't want to concentrate on what I knew would cause me to tear off after them, hunt them and drink their blood…I shuddered inside at the thought of taking another human life.

My repulsion of killing a life helped me gain enough control to shorten my breaths, taking the brunt force of the scents off. Bella's, however, was an entirely different story – it was as intoxicating as ever, and I risked a glance at the human girl by my side.

Her wide brown eyes were taking in the restaurant interior, passing over people before fixing on something in front of us; a shadow passed over her face before an uncommonly polite expression took over, masking something in her eyes.

I looked where she was, curious about the change in her composure, and my eyes met an unnaturally tall blond woman standing behind a podium – the hostess. She stared openly at us.

_Look at him! He could be a model, oh my, Amber is going to freak!_ I walked forward and tried not to get too close to her; with Bella at my side, most scents were nearly drowned out but that didn't mean I couldn't smell them at all.

And with anger so close to the surface, I wasn't entirely sure that the smallest thing wouldn't set me off. "A table for two?" I asked politely.

She automatically reached for menus, but her eyes flickered over to Bella._ They keep space between them – maybe they're just friends? But she's definitely not ugly – maybe it's a first date. _

I agreed with her on one point, certainly, as we followed her towards a table. Bella was certainly pretty – maybe not inhumanly flashy as Rosalie, Alice and Esme, but then again she wasn't a vampire. But I certainly thought she was beautiful, in a delicate, petite way.

We were in the middle of our path toward the table the hostess had picked out for us in a backwards-thinking way of 'first date casualness' when I realized what I had just thought about Bella. Since when had I ever thought about any female in that way, vampire or human?

I was used to the vampire looks of supernatural attractiveness, and a few rare humans were good-looking on their own. I acknowledged this, yes, but actively considering someone beautiful, much less Bella?

Bella was someone I was developing a budding attraction too, certainly, but I hadn't considered that this might change any way I viewed the world in general. Me, thinking about any female like I had just thought of Bella was practically unheard of.

I sighed internally – Alice would never learn of this, or she'd make it a larger deal than it was. But then again, was this a part of this 'love' Jasper claimed was growing inside of me? I was drawn out of my confused thoughts about things I had no idea of when we stopped at a table.

It was in the most crowded part of the dining room – not a good idea for a vampire. There was blood on all sides of us, and my control was straining just being in the same room as all of them and being right beside Bella, hearing her heartbeat, seeing her pulse in her slender neck as she was about to sit…

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, even though my eyes were still focused on her; she stopped and watched me, confusion in her eyes. Thinking fast, I leaned toward the hostess, a few dollars from my pocket being slid into her hand. "Perhaps something more private?"

Not an unusual request, by far: if we just let her keep on assuming that it was a date, she wouldn't find anything too strange about a privacy request. The hostess led us away from the table large enough for four.

_Private? Well, well, I guess that this is something more than two friends – especially with him tipping me like that! He really wants them to have privacy…Amber had better keep the flirting to herself – but I'll tell her about him anyway. She's a good friend…_ "Sure. How's this?" We stopped in front of a ring of booths – all empty.

"Perfect," I voiced the thought, letting a smile slip through my lips. Relief was in my mind at the moment; it was much easier to resist all the other humans in the main dining area without being able to see them. Now, I had to focus mainly on Bella, as she slid into one seat. I took the other.

The hostess shook her head, blinking rapidly._ Oh my…I think I had a brain freeze. He's so hot! I better tell Amber to watch out for his smile…_ "Um…your server will be right out." Turning around to dash to the kitchens and gossip to her friend, her legs wobbled unsteadily a few time before she made it away.

Sighing internally, I let myself ease into the opposite seat from Bella. It was hard to try and keep the subtle persuasion we – vampires – could use on humans to a minimum sometimes. It was simply too easy to let our natural hunting abilities provide a small amount of mindless attraction, and one of the harder parts of control that my family and I learned to achieve.

I had watched the wall blankly for a brief moment, hearing her begin to talk to her friend, before Bella recaptured my attention. "You really shouldn't do that to people. It's hardly fair."

My forehead creased in confusion. Had she said something before and I hadn't heard her? No, that was impossible – even if she was whispering from across a crowded gym, I would have heard Bella's voice. Was I that eager to hear her, I wondered; is this part of the attraction I feel? "Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that – she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now." Bella's deep eyes were gently scolding, her lips curved in a teasing smile. I almost didn't register her words until she was done talking, and then I was confused.

Did she mean using my eyes and my voice as I did to persuade the hostess to give us a new table? A certain amount of money had also played a part – but it was mainly a physical persuasion. Had Bella been able to notice me using those talents I possessed?

Quite simply, she shouldn't have been able to pinpoint it at all. Using the talents on the hostess had been one thing – she might have been able to realize what I was doing, if she was perceptive enough. But for Bella to notice it when I hadn't been focused on her, or trying to have her note my actions…

Well, she just shouldn't have been able to know precisely what I was doing. Or was she merely guessing? I concentrated on her more, taking note of the dubious expression on her face. "Oh, come on. You _have_ to know the effect you have on people."

Tilting my head to the side, I watched her closely. She leaned forward slightly against the table, elbows resting gently on the top. "I dazzle people?" I asked, trying to see if she gave away any hints about how she had noticed in her body language.

So far, I saw only interest. Even if I couldn't hear her mind, I had picked up quite well on what people were thinking and expressing through their bodies over the years. She was curious – about what, I could only guess until she said something.

Raising an eyebrow, she gave me a look that said quite clearly she though I was lying. "You haven't noticed? Do you think everyone gets their way so easily?"

Now that was odd; she couldn't tell that I did, in fact, know exactly what I was doing. If she was so perceptive as to realize that I was unfairly persuading other humans, why couldn't she tell that I did know how I did it? And that I did know I was using my physical 'perfection' in those ways?

My eyes landed on her throat by accident – they swiftly flew back to her eyes, definitely an unnoticed movement, as she didn't react at all, not even a twitch. I had to wonder, as I watched her eyes and tried to ignore her scent, what she thought. "Do I dazzle _you_?"

She didn't waver, or hesitate, but instead just spoke plainly, "Frequently," an entirely truthful answer.

I noted that our server was coming – in fact, heard her mind back in the clamor that was the kitchen – but my eyes wouldn't tear away from Bella's face. That she told me the truth so simply, so easily and without hesitance…it was frankly stunning.

The modern world of today, and even when I had been human for that matter, was full of cynical people. My family would say I'm the most pessimistic person there is in addition to that inbred quality that makes humanity just that – the nature of people to look on the dark side more often than the light.

I would have expected Bella, who seemed to notice everything that others did not, to be extremely cautious in her words. To have admitted something like that to me ultimately gave me a weapon: I now knew that I could use my talents on her just like any other human female.

She had willingly and without fear, told me something that most human girls would have blushed and giggled about. But instead of her usual deep blushes that flooded her skin with color, only a very faint shade of pink appeared on her cheeks.

_Mm-mm-mm, he is smokin'! Damn, she didn't do justice in her description! But – oh, dang, that girl is pretty! Well, maybe I can beat her out if I just show enough confidence – she looks way too meek to be around a guy like him, 'cause he just looks so jock and her…bookworm. Definitely._

Annoyance fluttered at the thoughts of the human waitress who came to a stop at our table. I could sense her eyes watching me intently as she moved, making her scent float out towards me.

My throat was already parched because of Bella, but this just fuelled the flames. I kept my gaze straight on the girl sitting I front of me, watching as she shifted unconsciously and glanced at the waitress with a shy look on her face.

I wondered what she was thinking as the waitress chirped, "Hello. My name is Amber, and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?"_ The classic line of every waitress in the world…only, usually the customer at least looks at me. The hair flip didn't work?_

I waited for Bella to say something. Of course I couldn't drink anything or else it would be regurgitated later on in the evening after I was home, but that didn't really matter. I wouldn't be ordering any food, but ordering two of the drink Bella asked for so she could have it and I wouldn't look entirely odd and out of place.

She was glancing at 'Amber' now and again, with a look on her face that I couldn't name. "I'll have a Coke…?" she said, meaning a statement but sounding like she was asking. Bella looked at me, seeming confused about something as she glanced between the waitress and I.

"Two Cokes," I said, watching Bella's face closely. Usually, she would be blushing under my gaze by now – she always did when I looked at her before, at school. Maybe not those full, deep blooms on either cheek, but at least a small bit of light pink. Under the restaurant lighting, she looks drawn and pale.

"I'll be right back with that," the waitress said, trying another time to catch my eye with a wide, welcoming smile. I didn't want to encourage her, and my mind was focused completely on Bella at the moment. The waitress left after a moment.

I wondered if we should have gone to a place with faster food service – I didn't like how pale Bella was. She didn't smell quite the same, either, a sure sign of recovering from fright or weakness. The intoxicating scent that surrounded her when she had been afraid after I pulled her out of the street was diminishing slowly.

I just now realized why my anger had been so strong in my car. Her scent had been full of fear, something that was reasonable but not good for my control at all. I had been so much closer to breaking and biting her in the car and I hadn't even known it because I thought it was my temper acting up due to those… 'men'.

"What?" Bella's head was tilted just slightly, exposing more light onto her slender throat – I wrenched my eyes away quickly, back to her own. It was very hard to keep them from drifting there, with my venom coating my mouth and hunger rising due to her scent.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, trying not to pay attention to the thirst in favor of worrying about her. She had just suffered through an ordeal, I scolded myself, and you should have made sure she was all right sooner! I had saved her from those thugs, and then neglected to take care of her because I had to battle my own control.

She looked surprised. Had she thought I wouldn't care? "I'm fine."

Fine? She certainly didn't look it. "You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold…?" She should.

"Should I?" Apparently she didn't think so.

I chuckled incredulously. How could she say a simple 'I'm fine' after she was nearly raped, and left for dead in an alley? Maybe she hadn't realized – oh, who was kidding whom here? I scoffed. Of course she knew what they were planning to do to her; that's why I'm so uncertain about her actions! "Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock," I admitted out loud, smiling half-heartedly at the thought of why.

My fists clenched under the table, where she couldn't see me physically fighting to stop from going to hurt those men.

She seemed dazed for a moment, and I wondered if I had done something unintentionally when she said shakily, "I don't think that will happen. I've always been very good at repressing unpleasant things."

This only caused my interest to flare; what could she have experienced that was unpleasant before? There wasn't much right off the top of my head, and considering that she was such a beautiful, generally happy person, I wouldn't have thought that she would have gone through anything too terribly bad.

All the same, it distracted me as the waitress came back with breadsticks and the drinks for Bella. _Why isn't he looking at me? How can he really be s interested in just one girl? Maybe if I try harder, he will notice – but I'm starting to think that she was right, I shouldn't be trying with this guy._

Internally, I begged the girl to listen to her friend – she didn't mean to expose her throat, but rather other...assets, but as it was the blood flowing in her veins was the only thing that attracted me. "Are you ready to order?"

I gladly looked away from her, to Bella who had that same peculiar expression on her face at the sight of this waitress. "Bella?" I asked, a smile barely held back when she started at being addressed. I was still too concerned for her health to let myself smile right then.

She glanced down at the menu in her hands, biting her lips unconsciously and – thankfully – limiting my view of her pale throat. "Um...I'll have the mushroom ravioli."

"And you?"_ What does he like to eat? He looks so tired I wonder if he even sleeps at all – oh, bad Amber! He may have a girlfriend, but really, that doesn't mean he and she – well, maybe. I don't know and I'm so glad neither of them can hear me!_ If only she knew...

If this waitress did know, she wouldn't be spouting off the images of Bella and I together like a hormone-crazed teenager. "Nothing for me," I replied, struggling to keep from making my voice harsher than necessary. It wasn't really her fault that she was thinking about absolutely sinful things about two customers in a restaurant – although it was annoying to an extreme.

But she was oblivious of the fact that I wanted her to leave, now. "Let me know if you change your mind." Random thoughts accompanied the verbal words, and I caught several more flashes of things I truly did not want to see.

I couldn't even look at her and was frankly relieved when she left. Picking up hints of people's intimate moments was bad enough, but today's culture was so saturated with this type of rudeness it went further than disgusting – it was simply rude. Especially to the mind-reading vampire.

Focusing on Bella completely as I tried the best I could to pull away from the waitresses mind, I noted that she wasn't consuming any of the food. Dissatisfied with her apparent lack of care about herself, I ordered, "Drink."

Obediently, she lifted her glass with one delicate hand and sipped from the soda; then, as if realizing her own thirst, she gulped it down quickly, barely pausing for breath. I marveled at her lung capacity and began to get a bit worried until she drew air into her lungs, setting the empty glass back on the table.

I pushed my glass forward for her to drink. She looked surprised, but murmured, "Thanks," taking it and drinking deeply once more. I watched her movements intently as she drank, feeling that strange attraction holding my gaze to her lowered eyes.

When she shivered, I noticed that she was wearing just a blouse: no jacket. I had been a vampire for so long that I almost didn't realize what was wrong until I noticed that. "Are you cold?"

"It's just the Coke," she explained, tremors rapidly darting through her skin again. She was cold; I had forgotten what it felt like to be cold, but even a vampire knows that a shiver means that a human is cold.

The main reason for Bella's coldness was undoubtedly her clothing. If we didn't have to blend in, my family and I would go out in T-shirts as well, but it was cold out now, the winter season. Bella was wearing foolish clothing for this weather. "Don't you have a jacket?" Did she want to get sick?

"Yes," she replied defensively, reaching for the seat beside her. Now that was confusing; what did she hope to find beside her? My question was quickly answered. "Oh – I must have left it in Jessica's car."

Momentary concern overwhelmed me; what was I going to do? I didn't want her to be cold – it was winter, for God's sake. The solution came to me just as quickly as the question – I didn't need a jacket, for I couldn't be cold. I began to shrug off the thin, useless material.

When it was nearly off, I looked back at Bella to check and make sure she hadn't lost any more color. She had; her eyes were wide and she was point-blank staring at me. I glanced down quickly in confusion and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

Was this her reaction to my 'physical perfection', gained only by being a member of the undead? For some reason, I suddenly felt shy and hesitant about removing my jacket: but it was too late to change my mind now. It was off.

I handed it to Bella, and a small part of me was disappointed when she stopped her staring and slid the jacket on. That same part of me felt strangely pleased as she placed the thin material on her small frame, shoving the sleeves back to use her hands.

Her little nose twitched and I heard her inhale as she put it on. Inside, I cringed; I hadn't thought about my own scent, the scent of the venom that flowed through my body instead of any other fluid. It was attractive to our prey, but I didn't want Bella to be attracted that way to me.

I felt startled as I realized what I was implying in my own mind. I did want Bella to be attracted to me, yes; I simply hadn't realized it before. But this type of attraction was so much more different than that of prey to predator – rather, it was male to female.

That was another black mark against my theory that Bella wasn't so important to me to risk destroying her soul, as Alice firmly believed she someday would. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was finding my arguments slowly trailing away against Jasper's observations.

"Thanks," Bella murmured suddenly, breaking me out of my stunned thoughts. I looked at her, watching as she simply sat there wit my too-large jacket draped over her arms and back. Her hair was so dark and long, and it framed her heart-shaped face beautifully.

I caught those thoughts much more quickly this time, startling myself as I added another onto those – the way her shirt matched her skin, making it look so delicate and yet stronger, slightly and not by much but all the same... "That color blue looks lovely with you skin."

Uttering that sentence was such a foreign thing that I nearly froze, expecting...I didn't know what, but some type of reaction to tell me if I had said something right or wrong. I didn't know how to interpret her blushing and bashful gaze down to the table, but I prayed that that was a good thing.

Trying to cover up for my own uncertainty – or perhaps erase the memory of whatever I could have said wrong – I pushed the breadbasket towards her. She gave me a dubious look and protested, "Really, I'm not going into shock."

That had to be a lie – but none of her body language coincided with the telltale signs I could have used to know if she had been. "You should be – a _normal_ person would be. You don't even look shaken." My eyes were scanning her closely, but no – there were no signs of shock, and I would have been able to see them had there been, with two doctor's degrees.

Instead of continuing their hunt, I look straight into her eyes, hoping that the 'dazzling' – as she called it – would work again for me to pull an answer out of her. I watched in fascination as her eyes glazed slightly and she stated, "I feel very safe with you."

That wasn't good.

Safe was the last thing she should feel around me. Hesitant was good: scared was better: terrified would be the best thing for her health. My forehead creased and I shook my head, slightly angered by her response. Maybe I was being too close to her for her own good, despite what I wanted.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned," I thought out loud, confident that Bella wouldn't hear. My eyes locked on the table in front of my now-folded hands, trying to find a way out of my own trap. I wanted to discover more about her – but it could possibly be at the expense of her very life. She didn't know a thing about how dangerous I was.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light."

My eyes snapped up to hers instantly, stunned by her comment. I hadn't thought that she had noticed my eyes – maybe once in Biology, but that was so long ago. How had she remembered that? Or had she been watching me as much as I had watched her, at school? "What?"

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black," she told me, a breadstick in her hand. "– I expect it then. I have a theory about that."

"More theories?" I asked, eyes narrowing slightly. It was theories, and not giving up on them, that had gotten her in this dangerous place with me, this nearly started relationship that was so very fragile, nearly as much as she herself was compared to me. How many more theories could she have?

"Mm-hm." Bella chewed on a small bit of the breadstick, still watching me with her wide eyes. Despite my worry about her theorizing placing her in more danger as far as I was concerned, I smiled as I remembered her last guess.

"I hope you were more creative this time...or are you still stealing from comic books?" My teasing was not as lighthearted as I had hoped it would be; I was still caught up in my worry that Bella would someday be hurt by what could happen if she was near me – and she was worried about finding out what I was.

If Bella knew what I was, I wouldn't be surprised if she ran away from me – maybe even glad that she would stay safe that way.

She looked confused at my expression – whatever was showing on my face was obviously not matching the tone I was trying to use. "Well, no," she confessed, "I didn't get it from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either."

Her eyes drifted to the breadsticks again and she stopped talking. "And?" I prompted, knowing that she had more to say – however much it displeased me.

_This time, I'll get a smile from him. He has to look at me sometime!_ I felt like moaning as the waitress came back with the food for Bella. On one hand I wanted her to eat and gain strength back – on the other, I wanted to know what she was going to say.

I only realized that I had begun leaning towards her, subconsciously edging closer to that intoxicating scent – as well as speaking in a lower tone so as to keep our conversation even more private – when she straightened up as the waitress came. I followed her lead and sat back in my seat, keeping my forearms on the table.

The waitress set the food down for her and immediately turned toward me, preening in a 'confident' way – I saw it only as a nuisance. We were seated in a more private part of the dining room for a reason, and exposing her throat like that didn't help in the slightest.

"Did you change your mind?"_ Look at me, please! You're so hot!_ "Isn't there anything I can get you?" _If I don't get a reaction from him, he's either gay or a prude – this move always works on the hot guys. Come on, come on – tonight, for you, I'd be as easy as you wanted!_

Well, that was a wonderful way to start a semi-date – I couldn't think of another way to label what Bella and I were doing, and I couldn't look at the waitress for fear of letting the disgust show on my face. However much she deserved to see it, neither she nor Bella would think that she had done anything to merit that reaction from me.

I waved a hand at the two empty cups in front of Bella. "No, thank you, but some more soda would be nice." I prayed fervently she would just take the cups and go, without any more innuendos or – I shuddered at the thought – images.

This time, my wish was granted. "Sure." _I'm betting on the gay card – that girl's pretty, but no way is she in the same ballpark as him! Well…maybe, with a bit of makeup and straightened hair._

I wanted to tell her that Bella's hair looked perfect the way it was, naturally, before I realized that it was the second time I had considered her looks with obvious favor – even if it was only in my head, it was still complimenting the physical attributes of the first female I had ever shown any interest whatsoever in.

Taking my mind away from the strange new territory I was finding myself in, I asked, "You were saying?"

"I'll tell you about it in the car," she responded, the strange expression that had shown itself once more on her face at the appearance of the waitress disappearing. "If…"

Raising one eyebrow, I looked down at her blank face incredulously. "There are conditions?" She – a human – was giving me – a vampire – conditions on whether or not I would be told anything? It was slightly amusing that she was 'blackmailing' me into telling her what she wanted to know.

"Of course," she replied simply, as if it was the simplest thing in the world for the prey to toy with the predator.

I heard the waitress coming back again, two glasses of Coke in her hands. _Who am I kidding? He wouldn't be interested in me with her sitting there in front of him…_ I was very glad when she left without a word, staying behind not a moment too long.

Bella took one glass, drinking just a little bit before eyeing the dish in front of her, evidently heaped with mushroom ravioli. I couldn't remember ever tasting it as a human, and I wondered for a moment if it was good before my curiosity was swamped underneath fear.

Of course I was afraid; if Bella figured out what we were, there were many places to go from there. She might learn everything, or give up after finding her theory correct. She might, however, invoke the wrath of the Volturi simply from existing with the knowledge of vampires. "Well, go ahead," I pushed, wanting to know what she had observed.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?" she shot back, staring up at me with nothing more or less than interest plain in her face.

That was not entirely unexpected, of course, I mused as I folded my hands much slower than human speed on the table. But what could I say? I hadn't intended to actually speak with her here, and there wasn't any answer I was prepared to give.

At the same time, I didn't know what she meant by the question but had a feeling it involved how I had discovered her in the street, surrounded and being penned in by despicable excuses for humanity. I couldn't have prepared myself in the slightest for that scenario.

So what was I supposed to tell her? Nothing, and hope she gave up on that front? Or tell her some made-up fabrication that I would then have to remember and make certain covered my movements? I had no doubt that Bella would see any hole all too easily, and I wasn't the best at knowing how to lie.

The last lies I had told were to my family; I had no practice with others. I didn't know how Bella would ever react if she found out I had lied – and at the moment, I suddenly felt so tired that I wanted nothing more than to let myself tell the truth. But that would be the most disastrous choice of all.

What would she think if she found out I had followed her here? Would Bella be scared, or would she be perversely interested about my needing to know that she was safe? I felt a smirk grow on my face at the thought – oh, yes, Bella would be glad I had stalked her to Port Angeles in interest of her safety. Me, the bloodthirsty vampire. That would go over well indeed.

When my eyes met hers once more, I told her simply, "Next," deciding that the subject was closed.

She gaped in astonishment. "But that's the easiest one," she objected, her voice rising slightly above the lower than average volume we had set up.

"Next," I repeated firmly, determined not to let her see an opening for arguments. There was no telling what Bella would do if she had the ability to discuss it in length, eventually drawing out some type of confession from me. There was no doubt in my mind that she could, what with me becoming so increasingly interested in her actions and reactions, and finding myself attracted to her.

She looked down at her plate, eyelids shading her eyes from my view as she went through those foreign rituals to start eating – unrolling the silverware, using the utensils and biting on the food.

Now, it was a strange thing to me; my meals came from me letting go and bounding through the woods after an animal, not sitting at a table and eating with flimsy metal utensils. I watched as she ate a piece of the ravioli, took another sip of her drink and then looked back up at me.

More accurately, she glared at me, seeming annoyed that I had denied her the first answer. "Okay, then. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that…someone…could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know – with a few exceptions."

I understood instantly what she was getting at and was amazed that she had been so perceptive as to hazard a guess at what I could do. For a moment, I hesitated, considering what I could say, but it slipped out before I could stop it. "Just one exception."

It was more of a reflex than anything – I had conveyed again and again that Bella was the only one who was out of reach of my ability to my family and thought over it with myself. As soon as the words passed my lips, I knew that I had given my ability away and added, "Hypothetically," nearly a moment too late.

"All right, with one exception, then," she nodded slightly, not seeming to notice the brightness spreading over her face. I couldn't tell precisely why, but I thought it might have been because I seemed to go along with her efforts of asking me questions – without giving too much away at once, however. But she didn't know that.

Bella continued, the light expression still in place. "How does that work? What are the limitations? How would…that someone…find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know that she was in trouble?"

This time I did hesitate. What could I possibly say except for the truth? There was no other answer she was willing to receive, and I had to admit to myself that she would probably see through a lie, especially considering that I hadn't had time to prepare one. "Hypothetically?" I finally asked.

"Sure," she answered; I noted that she was still attempting to look calm, but there was a light flush to her face and a pounding heartbeat to match that told me all too clearly that she was anxious. A part of me hoped that it wasn't my mere presence causing her discomfort.

"Well if…that someone…" I began, trying to model my answer after her questions.

"Let's call him Joe."

I had to smile at her suggestion; it was so adolescently peculiar that she was creating this 'hypothetical' situation that I couldn't help but find the humor in it. "Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." Dropping pretenses as I shook my head, I continued in exasperation. "Only _you_ could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know."

"We were speaking of a hypothetical case," Bella snapped, lips pursed and a definite red stealing over her cheeks as she poked her ravioli with her fork. She hadn't taken a bite in quite a few minutes.

I couldn't help but laugh at her 'hypothetical' questioning. While I looked at her, I felt a strange sense of warmth sweep over me and it made me feel like laughing ever more. "Yes, we were," I teased, unable to stop myself, or keep my emotions from taking control. "Shall we call you 'Jane'?"

She had been leaning towards me steadily during our entire debate, but now she rested her elbows on the table and looked at me straight in the eye. "How did you know?"

I was startled that she had dropped the pretenses so suddenly, and not altogether taken aback just by that. It was also that she had noticed I showed up just in time to save her even though I didn't want to be so late – it was that she wanted to know about my mind-reading at all. That meant she had noticed things about me that told her I had the ability.

My options were running out very quickly. I could tell her the truth right then, and that would make things so straightforward and simple. I would just have to kill her – by the Volturi rules – or I'd have to find some way to keep her safe from them.

If I made that choice, I'd also have to make sure it was something my family and I could live with. If Bella threatened to tell someone about our existence, then I would have no choice but to kill her then and there. We couldn't put our 'lives' at risk – I wouldn't let my family's 'lives' be destroyed by my foolish actions.

And yet, if I lied to her she would continue seeking the truth. I had no doubt that she wouldn't give up if I didn't let her in on the right answers, and if she found out by some other means that could spell disaster if she revealed what she knew. Again, it would be my fault.

Even if she swore to keep it secret, there was no way I knew that I could trust her. Not really. I just knew that I did trust her and I did believe what she said despite whatever my family might believe – Rosalie came to mind. There was just something that made me believe I could.

I needed to talk to someone. I needed help.

I had neglected spending time to talk to Carlisle lately. Usually I made a point to do so, but ever since that first day of high school for Bella Swan in Forks, I had been so caught up in my own world that the last meaningful talk we had together wasn't even that – it was after me admitting that I still harbored thoughts of suicide.

Right now I wished for nothing more than his counsel; I should have sought it before heading off after Bella, but I had thought it would be a simple, straightforward evening of tailing a clumsy human with her friends around town. I couldn't decide on my own if the choice I was leaning towards was the right one to make.

My senses tingled before I even registered what was happening. Bella was reaching her hands across the table to mine, slim-fingered and delicate – and warm. Incredibly, intensely warm: if she touched me now, I would be able to feel her pulse in her fingertips with my superior senses.

Not only that, but I was an ice-cold vampire. She would not know until she touched my skin just how cold I was, but I highly doubted she would see that as normal. I heard her voice murmur gently, "You can trust me, you know."

I wanted to trust her, but it wasn't just my existence I had to consider – it was my family's. I felt her fingertips nearer to my hands and my instinctual need for no-contact space rose up and I slid my hands away just enough to send that message to her.

She didn't try to grasp my hand after I pulled away; I delayed making my choice by just a little, even though I already knew what I would do. No matter the consequences – there was simply no other choice for me. "I don't know if I have a choice anymore. I was wrong – you're mush more observant than I gave you credit for."

"I thought you were always right." I remembered that observation of hers. It was odd, how I was already associating memories and things to her.

Shaking my head, I told her, "I used to be. I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents – that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for _trouble_. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

I had expected her to think of the encounter in the street. Instead, she tightened her lips slightly, asking, "And you put yourself into that category?"

Good. Then she had remembered what I had told her about me being dangerous – for I was more dangerous to her than any other human that had ever crossed my path. "Unequivocally." I couldn't help but remember that as I stared straight back into her eyes.

Bella startled me when she began to reach towards my hands across the table for the second time. I drew back, shy of being touched by anyone and also uncertain about her warm, living skin being so close to mine.

But she didn't care when her fingertips touched lightly to the skin of my hands. She didn't seem to notice that I was tense and stiff because of the unexpected flood of heat that swept across my skin from her touch – not just because of the temperature, but something else that made me feel just as warm as her very skin made mine feel.

"Thank you," she murmured, to my shock. "That's twice now."

How extraordinary – the prey thanking the predator. I didn't know how to respond for a brief moment, mainly because it had been more than twice – the first day I met her, then with the van, and finally that very night. All the same, I felt my face relax, as I replied softly, "Let's not try for three, agreed?" There was no reason to correct her right now.

My hands twitched underneath hers; not only was her intense heat making the monster inside of me howl for blood, but also my own instincts to shy away from touching were telling me to back away. I pulled my hands back, resting them on either side of the seat under the table.

My choice had already been made; this was the perfect time to follow through. I leaned forward, lowering my voice and speaking on the edge of vampire-fast. "I followed you to Port Angeles. I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

I had expected shock, or fear, at my admittance of my reasons for being in town. But I hadn't been at all prepared for her lips to curve into a graceful smile, and so I stared at her, wondering what she could possibly be thinking.

Her response didn't fit at all with her smile. "Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?"

My eyes flew to the tabletop, unable to look her in the eye. I had already decided to be truthful – this was simply a much harder truth for even I to accept. "That wasn't the first time." I could feel her eyes on me. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

On that first day, I could have killed her so easily, without even thinking about it. She was incredibly lucky that I had resisted drinking human blood for as long as I had, or I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I could smell the fear in her scent and kept my gaze down because of it.

And then, just as suddenly as that fear – so beautiful in combination with her scent – had spiked, it was gone, just barely lingering on the air. That was when I looked up, to see what I could in her eyes. There was no trace of fear, just understanding. "You remember?" I asked, face grave.

"Yes." Her eyes looked so innocently wide, gazing back up into mine with plain, simple compassion that I felt disbelief swell up inside without bounds.

How could she possibly be so oblivious? She had noticed so much about me, but she didn't seem to care in the least that I had thirsted so for her blood! "And yet here you sit."

"Yes, here I sit…because of you. Because somehow you know how to find me today…?" She trailed off, a hopeful expression on her face. Her scent wafted towards me as she shifted, leaning a bit closer and almost trailing some of her hair in the ravioli.

My hand itched to touch that long, soft hair, brush it back over her shoulder…exposing her fine, delicate throat…

Narrowing my eyes, I focused on her face instead of that pale, slim throat that I wanted so badly to sink my teeth into. This took 'playing with your food' to whole new levels – not that I was playing with her, of course. But a part of me – the predator side – felt like it was playing with its meal.

Lips pressed together, I know that I had made my choice long before she asked a second time for my explanation – and before I noticed something more about her that I hadn't consciously thought before. I glanced to the food, another reason for the strange thoughts that were coming into my mind at very random intervals.

The food…she hadn't taken a bite in a long while. When my eyes went back up to her face, I noted that she was still incredibly pale – for her own standards, at any rate. But I knew that if I simply told her to eat, she wouldn't instantly hop to and do what was best for her. "You eat, I'll talk," I bargained.

Bella quickly popped a bite of ravioli into her mouth, eyes wide and eager for me to continue talking. Taking a deep breath, I plunged into my story. "It's harder than it should be – keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before."

She didn't seem to realize that she had frozen, but I certainly did. Looking over her anxiously, I wondered if perhaps stating so blankly that I could hear thoughts wasn't the best way to go about starting the conversation. We had already gone over it, of course, but that didn't mean she had entirely accepted it yet.

As if seeing that she was stiff and frozen, Bella swallowed – with some difficulty, I saw – and began eating again. I paused for a moment before continuing.

"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully – like I said, only you could find trouble in Port Angeles – and at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own. Then, when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south…" I recalled those minutes of worry that I had spent looking for her.

"And I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street – to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried…but I was strangely anxious…"

I trailed off for a minute; I had been anxious because it was her, hadn't I? I didn't know it then, but I saw now –like I saw just how much I was becoming attracted to her – that I hadn't just been worried about her safety and that I would fail at protecting her.

In fact, I had taken on the task of protecting her because I was growing so slowly attached to Bella. This was deeper than a small crush, even I could tell that now – but with all the experience I had, who was I to say whether or not I loved her? But I wasn't done yet, recounting those tense hours of listening and watching.

"I started to drive in circles, still…listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out and follow you on foot. And then –." I had to stop. My hands were clenching into fists, my jaw tightening. It still brought up such fury in me that those men had almost hurt her.

She didn't know what had brought my temper to full boil so quickly. "Then what?"

I couldn't look at her – in fact, hadn't been for a few long minutes during the retelling of my tale. But I was having a bit of trouble calming down the white-hot rage that was burning inside me once more. My voice was a growl. "I heard what they were thinking. I saw your face in his mind." My lip curled up in a snarl.

No longer able to stand her looking at my face like she was – half fear and half interest – I let my head fall to my hand, covering my eyes. If she saw them darken to black there was no doubt in my mind that she would want to know about that, or be terrified and run.

And I wasn't done yet. "It was very…hard – you can't imagine how hard – for me to simply take you away, and leave them…alive." I added one of the realizations I had come to outside the restaurant. "I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela," I admitted, "but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them."

My last words were little more than a whisper and I was as still as I could make myself, bar the slightest tremors that ran through my back occasionally. I had just told her everything, and I could sense that she was slumped against the seat, still watching me.

I didn't know what she was thinking, but I couldn't think of much else besides what I had just told her. At least it was only me that she knew about – if any of it was told, it was only about me since I hadn't connected any of it to my family for her.

That alone gave me the strength to sit up and look at her. I believed she wouldn't tell anything to anyone, but if I was wrong at least it was only I that she could take down. But I had to wonder – what else would she want to know, and how much could I let myself tell her? "Are you ready to go home?"

"I'm ready to leave," she hedged, nodding and sitting upright as I had. Absently, she pushed the plate gently away from her body.

I heard the waitress coming over before she was even moving. _She pushed away the food, which means that she's done. Oh, man, come on the hot guy has to look at me sometime! Please, before they leave!_ "How are we doing?"

"We're ready for the check, thank you." I nearly winced as I heard my own voice, slightly rougher than it should have been. It caught her off guard.

_They were just having a serious conversation – does this mean they broke up? Do I have a chance with him now? _My eyes shot up to her, hard and piercing at her typical thoughts. She started, scared – thankfully – of my gaze. _Whoa, that's freaky. Maybe he's not such a nice guy if he can look like that at people he doesn't even know. I mean, I haven't even done anything to him!_

I pulled out a bill from my pocket at my normal, super fast speed, having been tired of her whiny thoughts since I had first heard them. "S-sure. Here you go." In the time it had taken her to pull out the folder, I had the bill in my hand to pay.

"No change," I smiled, happy that I was going to be able to leave. There was a short car trip home that I could look forward to spending with Bella, without the interruptions of a deluded young woman.

Bella slid out of her seat gracefully, contrasting with her clumsiness quite interestingly. I had to smile again at the thought of her walking like that anywhere – she was graceful enough, true, but it was marred by tripping over air and various nonexistent things. It was actually rather adorable…

I wanted to slap my forehead. Where were these thoughts coming from? _Oh, he still hasn't smiled at me! Why won't he?_ The waitress was whining in my head as she tried to look inviting. "You have a nice evening."

I couldn't glance at her for fear of letting her imagination run rampant at receiving so much as a glance from me. "Thank you," I told her, but I kept my eyes on Bella for more than just that reason. It was becoming quite an attraction to just look at her, even while she was awake unlike the nights I spent in her room while she was asleep.

Even though I stayed close to Bella's side the whole was out of the restaurant, I kept the space between us for my sanity. It was hard enough to just walk beside her while the monster inside growled and roared for blood, but to actually touch her warm skin would have been too hard for my self-control at the moment.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as we walked out and I glanced down, curious as to why she had made the noise. Was something wrong? An expression of wistfulness was crossing over her face, and when she noticed that I was watching her face titled to look at the ground. I couldn't see her eyes anymore, but I could see the red staining her nearer cheek.

I wished to ask her why she had sighed, but I decided not to as I opened the car door for her to step in. It took some effort not to run around to the driver's side – I wanted nothing more than to rush away from Port Angeles and take her to safety, but that wasn't possible.

So far, she just knew I was a little different from other humans. She had no idea what I really was, and that couldn't change – at least not right now. I was surprised at the thought that she might someday know what I was, but realized that I was beginning to want her to know everything about me. That was dangerous.

In the car, I started the engine as quickly as possible, also turning on the heat. I didn't want her to be cold; I noticed that she hugged the jacket I had given her tighter around her small body. A part of me felt warmth at the thought that I had provided her with the jacket – another irrational response.

Pulling out of the parking spot, I flipped the car around toe head back to Forks and shot a glance at the human girl beside me in the seat. "Now, it's your turn," I told her. Again, I was split – a part of me wanted to hear what she knew or guessed, but the other dreaded it. If she knew too much, that would be a danger to my family.

And I would have to follow the decision they made – whether it was to let her go with her knowledge, or follow the rules of the Volturi: to kill her.

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**A/N – Okay, I'm evil. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. But seriously, I can't keep going! I'd have to put all of Chapter Nine: Theory tacked onto this chapter and it's already hard enough to put ALL of this up:) I do hope that I can get another chapter out fast, because my vacation is coming up very soon! **

**Oh, and I was listening, on repeat, "Miranda" by Fleetwood Mac. It doesn't fit with the chapter; it just inspired me to write for some odd reason. That's just me, you know…:) Okay! Thank you for reading; I'm so glad you did! **


	16. Theory

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

* * *

**_Sunrise _**

**Chapter Seventeen: Theory**

There appeared to be no end to Bella's curiosity. "Can I ask just one more?" she pleaded, turning to me in her seat with wide eyes and a hopeful face. Her hands twisted up in her lap for a moment – I was awarded with a glimpse of half-healed scrapes on her hands.

Where had those come from? So she hadn't actually managed to stay completely whole over the weekend…knowing that she had been accident-prone when I wasn't around didn't distract me enough from the situation at hand, however.

I couldn't comprehend her – she had found out so much about me already, things that should have scared her, and she wanted to know _more_?

Sighing, I considered for a brief moment if I was really making the right decision. I knew she wouldn't give up on trying to learn more, but was it really best to just tell her what she wanted to know?

Any way she found out about us, she would be in danger. At least this way, I knew what she was finding out – another unanticipated danger of me being unable to read her mind. I might never really know for certain what she did since I was unable to hear her thoughts. "One." That was all I could allow.

"Well…" she paused for a moment, before going on in a rush, "You said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that." I had to look away – what would she think if she knew?

Admitting the reason for that would be one step closer to telling her what I was. And really, what was I supposed to say? 'I followed your scent?' …Well, that made the point very clear, certainly, but wouldn't that be the breaking point for Bella? Surely after hearing those words from me she would finally be terrified?

Grumbling, she broke through to me. "I thought we were past all evasiveness." That was true, wasn't it? I certainly didn't want her to stall at all, and she should have expected the same from me. I felt guilty that I wasn't giving that to her.

At the same time, as I glanced over at her, I was struck at the similarity between her and a sulking child. Nearly smiling at the unexpectedly funny image of Bella being, of all things, immature, I settled for the first words I had thought. "Fine, then. I followed your scent."

There was silence. That wasn't too odd, for I hadn't expected Bella to scream or act crazily in fear. She wasn't that type of person. But as time wore on slowly, while I drove my car at super-fast speeds, I was becoming more incredulous by the minute.

Was she really not reacting? Her intoxicating, nearly painful scent was no stronger – there was no fear making her sweet blood smell ever-more tempting. What kind of human was she, not to be afraid that I could smell her? That was definitely beyond the realms of normal.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…"

Unbelievable. I glanced over at her, frowning slightly: no, she was indeed watching me with keen interest. Was there to be no reaction to my being able to follow her scent through a town? Then my mind caught up with her words – yet another question?

She was stalling. She was trying to hold off my questions. I felt decidedly sulkier than she had looked minutes ago – as well as slightly irritated – and I wondered what she could possibly have thought up to re-ask me. "Which one?"

Bella chewed on her lip for one tense second before speaking as fast as her tongue would allow. "How does it work – the mind-reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

My irritation grew. "That's more than one." Now who was stalling? I reprimanded myself. I was supposed to be offering her candid, straightforward answers, as I wanted her to do for me – but this was about more than her curiosity! This was my family at stake! How could I expect her to understand that?

Quite simply, I couldn't. She didn't know anything, not truly and not yet. But Bella still sat there beside me, fingers twined around each other and watching me with an expression of patient interest. I tried to crush my irritation at myself, from being unable to keep her from all of this danger that was swimming invisibly around her at this moment.

I made my choice. I had to follow through with it. "No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's… 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." What else could I tell her? Was this enough?

I didn't want to give her too much information, but I couldn't stop my mouth from running on without me. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum – a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear."

Wanting to stop didn't seem to be an option. I grew increasingly angry with myself as I inadvertently blurted more information to her. "Most of the time I tune it all out – it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem _normal_ –," as if a soulless monster could be normal "– when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

Was I really this insane? How could I tell her all of that? My family was the only ones, who had ever been told all of that about me before, and it wasn't a secret from them – but at the same time, I felt as if I was somehow betraying my family by telling Bella about my ability.

She allowed me no time to sink into my internally directed frustration. "Why do you think you can't hear me?" It was the perfect question – I had been contemplating her mind for so long that I couldn't disguise the interest shining in my eyes as I gazed back down at her.

"I don't know. The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." The symbolism of a radio being her mind was humorous – radios sent out sound, broadcast it to whoever could hear it.

Bella's mind did the opposite – she didn't seem to be broadcasting anything, but was still in there. A radio also had significance to me, as well. Emmett had been the first to think it in a long-winded babbling stream one time when the family was all together on a hunting trip, and we had just set up 'camp'.

That had been his most embarrassing loss at a wrestling match between the two of us. I certainly hadn't appreciated his comments about my 'radio brain' as he seemed to think of it – and yet I had just used the same basic idea to tell Bella one reason I might not hear her mind. Ironic.

My grin must have been out of place – I grew worried that I had somehow offended her as her eyebrows scrunched together and her mouth turned down. But instead of being hurt, she was worried. "My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?"

I could only stare at her for a moment; unable to believe she had just said that. Unconsciously, I laughed as I said, "I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're_ the freak. Don't worry, it's just a theory…" That certainly sounded familiar. "Which brings us back to you."

Bella's eyes stayed on me, but she let out a sigh. I felt like sighing myself: I had tried my best to be straightforward with her, reminding myself constantly that was what I wanted from her, as well. And now, she had no more ways to distract us from her – not that I had ever been distracted.

Her scent was seeping into the upholstery of my car, sticking to every surface and even soaking into me. I was constantly swallowing venom in a weak attempt to quench the thirst in my throat: it would never work, of course.

And she kept exposing her throat to me – I wished that I could tell her that it was bothering me. But that would have been foolish and given her far too many reasons to run away from me. On second thought, maybe I should tell her so she'd leave, take her intoxicating scent with her and be safe.

However, I couldn't do that until I knew what her theory was. If she knew and I let her get away…I didn't know what I would do. I wasn't planning on killing her the instant she admitted that she knew what I was – I didn't want to kill her, period.

After all the pain I had gone through, was going through, to keep her alive? Every second I spent with her when I struggled not to ruthlessly kill her, was I going to throw that away? Was the pain I was going through right now to keep her alive in a simple car ride going to be wasted?

No. She would stay alive – at least until my family had their say. I couldn't deny any of them; for it wasn't just me I had to think about. It was also their existence, also their choice. Not just mine. And for that, I was even angrier with myself than before for letting her into this mess that was my non-life.

I had waited long enough for her to answer. As gently as I could in my anger, I murmured, "Aren't we past all evasions now?" Reminding her of her words to me: an effort to make her see what I did, that we both owed each other blunt answers.

She looked away from me for the first time. Moving her head mercifully let her hair swing over her shoulder. It sent a hard wave of her scent slamming into me, but it also screened much of her neck from me. Covering it. I let out a silent, thankful sigh.

"Holy crow! Slow down!" She startled me with her cry of horror; I whipped my head to her and saw her extremely wide eyes locked on the dashboard. But at that moment, I could barely concentrate on her words, or her face – only her blood.

The scent of her fear hung heavy in the air, and it was all I could do not to slam on the brakes so I could leap towards her and drink that rich blood, pounding relentlessly through her veins. A siren's call, so much stronger…the monster inside of me roared.

For a brief moment I nearly did – I could hear her heart throbbing, pulse resounding loudly around the car. My hands were clenching on the steering wheel as I struggled with myself, not hard enough to break it but definitely creating indents.

Imagery flashed through my mind – we were completely alone on this road. Would anyone really notice if I pulled the car over and bit her? My parched throat ached for the blood I could smell – I angled the steering wheel just slightly to coast along to a stop.

The inner demon inside me roared in triumph, ready for me to quell the thirst. But instead of following through, in a haze of fog in my head I recalled the reason I was driving with Bella along this deserted road, leading back to Forks.

Her friends had gone ahead of us…they knew we were together…Charlie was waiting for her, and maybe Jessica had already called to tell him I was giving his daughter a ride…so many reasons to let her live.

The instinctual hunter in me snarled: I could still have my fill of her blood if I wanted. I could disappear off the map of Forks, become a missing person along with her…only my family would ever know that I had not been abducted or whatever the town of Forks would assume happened to Bella and I.

Now only one reason stood in the way of that thirst's logic. It was the knowledge that even I – in my thirst-induced haze – could realize: I would, indeed could, never forgive myself for giving in. Bella deserved life…

Somehow, I managed to reach over and flip an air vent in my direction, too fast for her to have seen. Thankfully, I had the settings on for airflow to come from outside into the car: after all that time, her scent had still lingered on the seats and inside the car from that first ride I had given her. A clean burst of air in my face was enough to clear my head, regain my senses.

She was still considerably scared, but I was almost certain I knew what she was scared about. Her eyes had been locked on the dashboard. Even as I asked, "What's wrong?" I knew what she was looking at. Following her gaze, I saw the speedometer at approximately one hundred miles per hour. Funny…I thought I was going faster.

"You're going a hundred miles and hour!" she shouted; I saw her shoot a glance out the window. Was she really this scared about our speed? I found it utterly bizarre that she wouldn't like going fast – then again, I was the vampire who could move faster than the human eye could see.

I was used to speed. But it appeared that Bella wasn't. Well, given her ancient old truck, that should have been expected. Really, though, did she honestly think that I would crash my car? Not only was it my favorite, but also, didn't she realize how inhuman I was? "Relax, Bella." I couldn't help rolling my eyes.

"Are you trying to kill us?" That was funny – I had better reflexes than any human could ever hope to have. We would never crash if I were driving. At the same time, I had to subdue a growl – there was that flippant reference to me wanting her dead, again. It couldn't be further from the truth.

"We're not going to crash," I told her slowly, not to be condescending but rather to keep myself from snapping angrily at her. I couldn't help directing a bit of anger toward her for thinking I wanted her dead, for the second time.

The disruption of her scent just moment ago, making it stronger and more intense, had been enough to shake me. My focus was wavering and uncertain because of the strength of that hit. I could barely manage to keep myself from showing my roller-coaster emotions, brought on by my temper.

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Bella's voice was far too calm for it to match her scent. I took a deep drag of the clean air from outside, already being tainted by her scent. It was still cleaner than the air already inside the car, but not by much.

How odd that she hadn't realized my driving speed before. "I always drive like this." I knew she watched me from the school parking lot a few times before. That thought alone caused a slight smile as I chanced a glance back at her.

A sense of pride overcame my anger as I managed to look at her without being over-anxious to lean forward and bite. Of course, I wasn't breathing as I looked at her, but still…

Bella didn't know about my little triumph: instead, she focused on the most predictable thing – since she had noticed the speed at which I drove. "Keep your eyes on the road!"

I didn't want her to be nervous about my driving – and that wasn't just because of how hard her scent was when she was scared. _I_ didn't want _her_ to be afraid. "I've never been in an accident, Bella – I've never even gotten a ticket." I tapped my forehead. "Built-in radar detector."

"Very funny." She was sulking again, I thought. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away." Was she subtly asking for confirmation on another theory she had?

"Probably." More like definitely, but I didn't want her to know that yet. "But you can't." And that I knew for certain – just as well as I knew that if Alice had seen this encounter with Bella, which I was sure she had, she'd never let my next action go by without comment.

I slowed down, sighing as I watched the needle drift toward eighty. I never – and I mean _never_ – slowed down my car, not for my siblings, and not even for my parents. Try as I might to pretend it was just because I didn't want Bella's fear to make her scent even stronger, I guiltily knew that was only part of the reason. "Happy?"

"Almost." How much slower could she go? I wondered for a moment how fast that truck of hers went: no doubt Rosalie would have a field day fixing the engine, or even replacing it all together.

When was she ever going to touch it? She never would – that would be something that she'd do for her siblings, for her family, not a random girl who was just my adolescent crush at the moment. What was I thinking? Oh, that's right. "I hate driving slow."

"_This_ is _slow_?" I caught the barest hint of the emphasis on her words. I also noted how the topic was definitely entering an entire other realm than her answering my questions. She was trying to distract me again.

Angrily, I snapped, "Enough commentary on my driving. I'm still waiting for your latest theory." Almost instantly, I wanted to take back the harsher tone of my voice: there was no need to be frustrated with her. She was, after all, facing the daunting task of uncovering a supernatural creature's identity.

She was biting her lip slightly as I looked back down at her, trying to keep the simmering anger away from my face. What was she worried about? I remembered her last theory…"I won't laugh," I promised.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me," she admitted.

That was curious. Why would I be angry with her? I would be angry with myself if she was right, for allowing her to keep digging until she uncovered a truth that could get her killed. "Is it that bad?" I asked.

"Pretty much, yeah." I waited for her to continue, but she stopped there. Bella was just staring at her hands, likely thinking. I couldn't be sure, of course.

"Go ahead," I told her, trying to keep calm as anxiety began to build in me. She was so worried that her theory would anger me – would that mean she had found the right one? And was afraid of what I would say at being found out? But how could she know if she was right?

"I don't know how to start," she hesitated. I was reasonably sure that she was thinking of how to start talking.

I had to help her. "Why don't you start at the beginning…you said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No." Nothing more. She needed more prompting?

She must have been much more anxious than the scant bit of her scent I was taking in – from around the air vent – could tell me. "What got you started – a book? A movie?"

Her answer took me aback. "No – it was Saturday, at the beach." That made no sense to me – how would going to the beach let her on to what I was? Or was her next guess going to be Aquaman?

"I ran into an old family friend – Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby." Inexplicably, I felt a pang of jealousy at the mention of this Black boy. The thought that Bella could be close to him bothered me somehow.

At the same time, I knew that name sounded familiar. It was so close to the front of my mind – Black? And the beach – what beach had she gone to? "His dad is one of the Quileute Elders." Oh. That beach – in the Quileute lands. That 'Black'.

The werewolf we had made a treaty with so long ago. This was a descendant of his. "We went for a walk," Bella continued, not seeming to notice that I was stuck on the Black boy and what his heritage was. What that genetic defect might present to her, a danger she wasn't even aware of. "And he was telling me some old legends – trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…"

So this is where it all led. In the end, she was told what my family and I were by a boy in the tribe that spawned creatures able to destroy us. I wondered if the boy even knew what he had done – the treaty could have been broken by his actions. I needed to speak with Carlisle as soon as I could about this development.

There was something more important about this, however. The Quileute tribe was possibly the only group of humans who knew exactly what vampires were. Their legends matched us very accurately, because they were fact not fiction. Bella had to know now.

"Go on." I was nearly whispering, waiting for the inevitable to come. A surge of anger came with the waiting – how could I let her do this? Why hadn't I cut off her interest, nipped it in the bud? Why hadn't I insisted that we move from Forks, to keep her from making such a mistake as to delve into the secrets of my family, of our existence?

And it came, like I knew it would. "About vampires." A whisper that doomed her.

My hands clenched on the steering wheel, anger throbbing through me almost to the tempo of her beating heart. How could I have stood back as she hunted for this very information, the reason for all my supernatural abilities? I was furious with myself.

And I doubted that my family would understand about my decision not to stop this beforehand. The knowledge that a human knew about our existence was enough to bring the wrath of the Volturi down on our family, regardless of Carlisle knowing Aro, Marcus and Caius personally.

My anger at myself was complete, but I couldn't show any of it to Bella. She didn't – and shouldn't – know what danger her digging had placed her in. So, I clung to a faint, nearly nonexistent hope that she didn't catch all the signs and deduce our secret from just one story.

That was a danger that would definitely cause more danger to our family. After all, if only one story from the Quileutes was enough to let Bella know what we were, any human could figure out our secret if they were determined. "And you immediately thought of me?" Or my family?

"No." That was good. "He…mentioned your family." And that was bad. Very bad.

I stared thoughtlessly out the window. This Jacob Black…did he even realize that he had broken the treaty? My anxiety to talk with Carlisle – bred from a lack of close talk with him for such a long time – was nearly as strong as the anger at myself that was boiling inside.

Added onto that was the fleeting memory of what almost happened to Bella this very evening, just in the background, and the anger was the strongest emotion I felt at the moment.

I was an emotional wreck – where was Jasper when I needed him? There was so much stress from this situation that my thirst was nearly the least of my worries, and it was the one thing I was constantly fighting, right now even!

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Bella's face slowly flushing – which did nothing for my state. "He just thought it was a silly superstition." Had she read _my_ mind? On the other hand, if the Black boy had no idea he had broken the treaty, it might still be in place. That was good for both them and my family.

"He didn't expect me to think anything of it." Bella seemed to be leading up to something: I looked to her, and saw her darkening face, her teeth biting gently into her delicate lip, and suddenly she blurted, "It was my fault; I forced him to tell me."

That was surprising! What could she possibly mean? To add to my emotional turmoil, confusion reigned in my voice as I asked, "Why?"

Her confession spilled forth. "Lauren said something about you – she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him." Her head hung in shame.

She blurted all of this as if it were a disgusting, dirty secret she had been unable to keep bottled up inside. What would she think of her secrets if she knew mine? Murdering evil humans, a soulless demon myself…I laughed, but my heart was certainly not into it.

I moved my eyes back out the windshield, unable to look at her. My own secrets – no, my very existence, was one that would make her run and scream in terror. It was a hell on Earth that no one as sweet and kind as Bella should ever face.

…Since when was she sweet and kind? There was no denying it, but that was such an out of place thought…Nonetheless, I was curious about what she meant. "Tricked him how?"

Disbelievingly, as if not sure it had been real, she answered, "I tried to flirt – it worked better than I thought it would." Bella? Flirting with the Black boy? For some reason, it caused a flare of anger, of jealousy, before I remembered that she had flirted to gain information – about me? About what I was?

It caused a mini flutter of happiness, and then the anger swarmed in. How could she be so determined to do anything to get to the root of what I was? It made no sense. And I couldn't get the image out of my head, of Bella fluttering her eyelashes and sweet-talking a boy…

"I'd like to have seen that." Shocking myself, I realized I'd like to have that directed at _me_. What was wrong with me? "And you accused me of dazzling people – poor Jacob Black." He had stood no chance against Bella's false advances.

Her head turned – what was she thinking? The eternal question, I mused, one that I repeated so many times the words had nearly lost their meaning. She was silent for nearly a minute before I asked, "What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet." That was _not_ good. If there was information about vampires, or even worse, my family, on the Internet, millions of humans had access to it. The Volturi would have a field day with whoever exposed the information. Exposure was inexcusable.

"And did that convince you?" If there was real, substantial information on the World Wide Web…well, it was called 'world wide' for a reason. My family's 'life' could be in immense, unthinkable danger if she had found something to connect to us…

"No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly." My anxiety and paranoia died a sudden death – but it was short-lived. "And then…" She stopped.

I could hardly stand the brief pause she inserted between her words. "What?" It was a struggle for me not to shout it at her, shake her shoulders and demand that she tell me that instant what had been on the Internet. It was a struggle for me not to panic. I really needed Jasper's help…

And then, the unthinkable… "I decided it didn't matter."

A single whisper, a single sentence, and all my composure was gone. The walls I had constructed to keep my emotions from overflowing were obliterated as the disbelief swamped all the rest into the hard-to-reach back of my mind. "It didn't _matter_?"

Besides shock and incredulity, anger was also upfront in my arsenal of feelings. I had led her straight to this, hadn't I? No, don't stop the human girl from making the largest mistake of her life – I let her dig into everything she can reach! I let her discover that I was a vampire!

And for goodness sake, I didn't let her know just how dangerous all this really was! She had single-handedly managed to destroy her hope for a peaceful, normal human life – no, it wasn't single-handed. I play my part, and to a dangerously effective degree.

I should have discouraged her; I should have warned her off of uncovering the truth. So many things could have gone differently in this, but no! I stood back, and let Bella come to the conclusion that my soulless, demonic existence 'didn't matter'!

Her face turned up to me, a calm, serene expression on her gentle face. "No. It doesn't matter to me what you are." Her words sent a momentary thrill through me – if I took it one way, she could almost have been saying that she was attracted to me despite this.

But that couldn't be true. All she had to do was open her eyes and look at the cracks under the surface of my façade – to her human eyes I was a 'perfect' creature. I knew better. "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?"

"No." Impossible.

There was no way she could actually mean that: Bella didn't even understand just what my even being here meant. I had to drink blood to 'live', and the natural source of that would have been from her if she had crossed my path during my rebellious phase.

She didn't understand what she was even saying. And she didn't even understand what I was thinking right now. "You're angry. I shouldn't have said anything," she sighed.

"No," I corrected, holding a blank face and vainly attempting a neutral voice. "I'd rather know what you're thinking – even if what you're thinking is insane." What else could she be, if not insane, to think that it was of no concern of hers that I was a monster? Especially when I put her in such danger, and she didn't even realize it? She should care.

"So I'm wrong again?" Why wouldn't she look past my words? Usually she had no trouble deriving the hidden meanings behind what I was saying: I was certain she would have seen that I was referring to 'it doesn't matter'.

I deemed that I should tell her so in the heat of my anger. "That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" My teeth were gritting together from the anger I felt at my own inability to keep her out of this pool of darkness that was my 'life', everything I knew.

"I'm right?" she gasped. Apparently, only what I said got through to her.

"Does it _matter_?" I shot back. No, I couldn't let my temper get the better of me. Slowly taking breaths – directly from the air vent's stream of slightly cleaner air – I tried to calm myself. It would do no good to get angry.

I heard her take a deep breath as well. Was she calming herself down? If so, why? She wasn't nervous – it was close enough to fear that it caused a mini-ripple in her scent, but I hadn't sensed that. "Not really," she answered carefully. "But I _am_ curious."

Well, at least one reaction of hers was close enough to normal. I couldn't fault her for being curious – although, 'curiosity killed the cat'. I didn't like to think of her dying… Maybe this wasn't too horrible a situation.

I was slightly cheered at the thought that eventually she would have to ask about my diet. Surely, she would be scared of me then. For some twisted reason, if she were scared of me then it would be easier when my family – undoubtedly – requested that we 'dispose of the evidence'.

I hated myself for that thought – it was the main reason I felt so resigned as I asked, "What are you curious about?" Ask away, Bella – step into your doom. I couldn't deny her answers to her questions: I knew myself well enough to know that.

Promptly – as if waiting for the opportunity to ask more questions – her response came. "How old are you?"

I shot back the answer that had stayed on the tip of my tongue for over a hundred years: the age I was frozen in time as, for eternity. "Seventeen."

"And how long have you been seventeen?" I guess immortality of vampires was part of the legend she was told – either that, or she was going with old myths that vampires were supposed to follow.

I nearly let a caustic smile on my face: what would she say if she knew that this boy who was attracted to her in a newfound – for him – way was really a one hundred and four year old man? "A while," I hedged, not wanting to give her as much information as I had about my mind reading.

I had expected her to ask more questions immediately, to take in the information quietly like she had before. Instead, she smiled widely and said, "Okay." I could only stare at her. That was unusual. Why the change of attitude for when she received information?

She smiled wider and I frowned in response. I wasn't sure why, but her strange, abrupt happiness was slightly scary. "Don't laugh – but how can you come out during the daytime?" Was she laughing internally at this question she was about to ask?

I couldn't help laughing myself. So this was her starting in on vampire legends, was it? "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?" Ridiculous.

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?" If only she knew…

"Myth." Should I tell her? My mouth seemed to have a mind of it's own, leaving me no time to think over my decision. "I can't sleep." I didn't truly miss that part of human life as much as Rosalie – but she longed to be a human fiercely.

I had to admit, sleep was one thing that I missed the most from my human life. To be able to close my eyes and drift away from the world, no worries or fear…there were the occasional nightmares, of course, but the majority of the time spent sleeping made up for those.

The revelation that I could not sleep startled her. "At all?" she gasped.

"Never." I turned my head to look into her deep brown eyes: what did she dream of? She talked some of the time, of course, but not when she was completely, fully asleep. That was when her dreams came: did she know how lucky she was?

Bella stared back at me with an expression of utter interest. Why couldn't she see what I was? Why did she insist on ignoring the soulless monster? Had she not found out enough about me? I was certain as she asked questions, at one point one would be too much for her.

Instead, the last and easily most inhuman one didn't make her turn away in disgust. A glimmer of pity shone in her eyes – I looked away. How could she pity me? I was a monster that would sooner kill her and drink her blood than keep her alive, if the choice was left to my instincts.

My thirst…had she truly not queried about the most defining factor of a vampire first? She overlooked the very part of me that placed her in the most danger? Unexplainably, that caused the anger to flare.

Looking back at her beautiful, – where had that come from? – innocent face, I found it hard to believe that she had overlooked it. I wanted her to know – it would scare her away from my family and me for sure. And yet, I didn't want her to be afraid. I had to struggle to keep impassive. "You haven't asked me the most important question yet."

Bella simply blinked. "Which one is that?" Was this human girl for real?

"You aren't concerned about my diet?" It would be cruelly ironic if it were true, considering exactly which human she was.

"Oh, that," she murmured: she sounded slightly dazed.

She had to know what I meant, of course, but I found it bizarre that she wasn't scared yet. Again, I had to wonder what kind of human she was. "Yes, that. Don't you want to know if I drink blood?" If she didn't, she had to be insane. If only I could hear her thoughts!

She flinched: finally, a normal reaction! Coupled with words that a part of me had been worrying about ever since she told me that the Black boy had been the one to tell her what we were… "Well, Jacob said something about that."

I could only begin to imagine how the Quileute wolves could have twisted our words around for their legends. Wolves and vampires had natural animosity between them: I found it hard to believe that they would have kept our words straight from just about seventy years ago. "What did Jacob say?"

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

I couldn't come up with an explanation for that quote. How could a wolf descendent not think the same as his ancestors about something like this? "He said we weren't dangerous?"

"Not exactly. He said you weren't _supposed_ to be dangerous. But the Quileutes didn't want you on their land, just in case." I had to look away from her to hide my astonishment.

The boy had gotten the facts straight after all – but that was just it. The wolves hadn't twisted our words, hadn't made us even more dangerous mythical beasts in the legends. Just by stating that we hunted animals, not humans, in old legends was a slight show of trust that we would obey the treaty.

And for the legends to stay the same after all this time… Humans were notorious for changing history to suit them, changing stories with each tale just a little bit. Yet they had stuck to this little fact through seventy years of legends: they hadn't tweaked it to paint us in an even worse light.

I would have expected any story about us to eventually ignore our diet all together in the hopes of creating us as the 'bad guys'. It was strange that our mortal enemies hadn't done this as soon as we left Forks all those years ago: at the very least, I expected it to have happened over the course of time.

I barely heard Bella. "So was he right? About not hunting people?"

But her words drew me enough to reply, "The Quileutes have a long memory." It was a soft whisper, one that I didn't expect her to hear if not for the silence that existed in and around my car.

She seemed to relax back in her seat. Had she taken this as confirmation for her safety? She was nowhere near safe right now. "Don't let that make you complacent, though. They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

And I was dangerous enough to kill her if I slipped up for one moment and let instinct reign. Anger burned at myself, a small, unquenchable fire that Bella couldn't see.

"I don't understand," she murmured.

How to make it simple that I was a monster? I knew that as soon as she heard the words, she might find the fear that should have been with her all along. "We try. We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

That was possibly the biggest mistake any of us could have made around a human: I prayed that my family wouldn't be too furious with me when I arrived home. I was already furious enough at myself. There was so much that Bella had discovered with me during this one evening that we had guarded as our secret for so long…

She sounded so sad, asking, "This is a mistake?" The largest one Bella had ever made.

"A very dangerous one." And the largest one I had ever made, as well.

Only…me, making this mistake, was so much worse than Bella. I knew what was at stake for her: I knew what could happen to her: I knew of the danger it placed my family in. And yet I went ahead and let her do this. I let her solve the mystery, discover what a vampire truly was.

I shouldn't be doing this – I shouldn't be letting her get so close to me. Whatever I felt and wanted was nothing if it meant that she was placed in danger and my family joined her teetering on the edge of destruction.

Would the Volturi find fault only in me if they discovered that Bella found out about vampires because of me? Or would they go after my family as well, finding with some flawed logic that my whole family was a danger to the secrecy that vampires lived by?

No – I had to stop thinking this way. Who could say that the Volturi would come here? They rarely left their city, let alone the country. Only when reports came in of vampires in other parts of the world did the Guard get sent to deal with the problem.

I just had to make absolutely certain that Bella wouldn't tell anyone, anything. And if my family decided that to keep her silent meant that she had to die, then I should have no say at all. I was the one who forced their hand: I had to face what came out of it.

"Tell me more." Her choked voice rang through the tightly compressed air that closed in around me with her scent. Startled, I caught a glimpse of her face: something was wrong. Her eyes were darker, shinier with liquid: her cheeks were a light red, but not that of a blush.

Had she finally realized that she was in danger? Bella looked so sad that I struggled not to comfort her, to tell her that it would be all right, that she would be safe. I couldn't lie to her. If she would likely die, what was a little bit more information going to hurt? "What more do you want to know?" It was all I could offer her.

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people." Why would she want to know about that? Did she think I was going to eat her, and was checking my reasons to see if she had a chance at life? Oh, Bella – if only she knew how hard I was struggling to keep her alive.

I didn't want to scare her with that information – a direct contrast to what I had been thinking before, but I couldn't deny my selfish wants anymore. I didn't want her to be afraid of me.

Besides, she was already in far too deep. If I scared her off now, that wouldn't be conducive for my efforts to ask her to be silent about all that had been revealed here. I had to have her trust, have her word that she wouldn't speak – and I would have to stay close, watch and make sure that she didn't break her promise.

How to answer her request… It was complicated, really. Now, my reason was because I knew I would be unable to 'live' with myself if I returned to that hunting. The memories of those years I had gone off on my own haunted me. In retrospect, it was simple. "I don't _want_ to be a monster." That summed it all up.

"But animals aren't enough?" What had she noticed that tipped her off about that? I hadn't thought I'd given anything away…

And how to say it without making it sound utterly gruesome? ""I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger – or rather, thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time. Sometimes," like now, "it's more difficult than others."

I wondered if that had been too much, if she would be scared now. "Is it very difficult for you right now?" Maybe not…

I sighed. Surely now she would be scared, when I told her the truth. "Yes."

"But you're not hungry now." Surprise, surprise…

She sounded so confident, so certain – what had given that away? Our conversation hadn't turned in the direction of _my_ thirst before now, and I was sure she couldn't have pulled it out of 'yes'. "Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes." I vaguely remembered her asking about them before… "I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people – men in particular – are crabbier when they're hungry." My eyes gave me away?

I had to laugh. "You are observant, aren't you?" If she was so observant, why couldn't she have seen the danger she'd be in if looking into what I was? Silence fell between us for a moment: she must have been thinking up another question.

Sure enough, she soon asked, "Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" Another correct guess – among a sea of incorrect ones…

"Yes." Was that enough information for her? Would it be easier to make her cautious if I gave her another truth to add to her list? "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want me to leave?" Why did she want to know? Did she think that I wanted her – was that the reasoning behind her nervous tone? Or was I simply being paranoid and looking far too much into her words?

"It makes me…anxious…" for lack of better word, "to be away from you." Her cheeks were slowly staining red: did that mean she caught the implications behind my words? What was I doing, implying things, for that matter?

I was suddenly nervous about the suggestion in my words. Covering it up, I continued with more fact that has swum around in my head over the weekend. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean of get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through the whole weekend unscathed."

She shifted in her seat, and I saw her hands again. "Well, not totally unscathed."

Frowning and titling her head to the side, she offered me a view of her throat along with her confused face. "What?" I had to force my eyes to stay locked on her face. This was the most torturous car ride I had ever been in, and a part of me still didn't want to stop in Forks and leave her.

"Your hands," I reminded her – at least, I hoped I was reminding her. If she didn't know about the scrapes on her hands, I had to wonder how it happened.

Bella sighed. "I fell." Typical Bella…

"That's what I thought," I smiled. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse – and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." Of course, he had bothered me just as much, but Bella didn't need to know that. It was irrelevant

She didn't respond to my smile – instead, she was frowning again. "Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday." Why did she want to know?

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" Her knitted brow clearly showed me that she was angry – but angry with what? Why had she any reason to be angry?

I knew why I couldn't come to school the past two days. "Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight – at least, not where anyone can see." If any human saw a vampire, glittering in the sunlight, the sight couldn't be explained away. It was definitely the easiest way to expose what we were.

"Why?" And of course, Bella wanted to know 'why'.

I hesitated for a moment. I didn't really want to tell her: what would she think of me if she knew what happened to my skin in the sunlight? Could I even tell her? Would she believe me? It was the kind of thing a person had to see for themselves to understand…

The idea drifted through my head – what if I did show Bella? Surely there had to be some reaction to me then. She couldn't keep taking everything in with such interest and acceptance. But what if my family decided we had to get rid of her? Well, did she deserve to see what I was before I took her life, if that decision was made?

A part of me wanted inexplicably strongly for her to see a physical representation of how inhuman I was, to convince her that I was indeed, a monster. To show and tell her what danger she was in…

The monster in me that thrived on fear, hungered for it, anticipated what she would think of me then. And the 'human' part of me wanted to know, as well – if she could overcome that obstacle, not run away from me in fear, it meant…something. Something important.

I didn't know what it was, but…I wanted to know, so I promised, "I'll show you sometime." And this was one promise I had every intention of following through with.

She was quiet, deep in thought. Finally, decisively, she nodded and narrowed her eyes. "You might have called me."

"But I knew you were safe." Internally, I winced. I was sure she would pick up on that and go on to ask how I knew she was still whole and alive. What would I say then? 'I've been hanging around your house without your knowledge, even going to your bedroom at night.' _That_ wouldn't make me a 'creep' in her eyes…

"But _I_ didn't know where _you_ were," she argued, headstrong. "I –." Her eyes widened slightly before she dropped them to stare back at her lap. Her cheek was darkening, barely visible from behind her curtain of thick hair.

She cut off there. Why did she cut off? Why wouldn't she continue? "What?" I wanted to know…

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too."

My stomach twisted, a strangely happy feeling. She wanted to see me? She wanted to know where I was? She was worried about me? The 'human' me, the one that was attracted to her without the effects of my thirst, was ridiculously happy. Traitorous to the bigger picture.

Already, she was becoming attached to my presence, to me. This was so much more serious than I thought. Before, it was just me pursing something – how could I not have thought about her returning the gesture?

I had been so selfish. I hadn't even thought about anything other than what I wanted. The things I wanted had overridden what I should have thought about – most specifically, Bella.

I was immortal – what was I doing, clumsily figuring out my attractions to this human girl? She was mortal – she deserved everything that came with human life. She deserved a husband, a career, children…all the things I could never give her, she could get in the human world.

But I had tried to take her attention away from everything else. I had willingly put myself in her view, drawn her towards me as only a vampire could at times, and now Bella was similarly attracted to me. "Ah…this is wrong."

She shouldn't want this; she shouldn't want to be with me. Why hadn't I thought of this before? I hadn't: instead, I let my inability to read her mind transfer into the inability to see what trying to get close to her would do.

"What did I say?" She was so confused: I could only stare at her, knowing that this was one of the worst decisions I could have made. I was so angry at myself, that it was nearly a struggle to feel guilty about it!

But it wasn't Bella's fault, no. "Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable –," going after her, facing her scent daily, struggling constantly around her so I didn't become her murderer… "– but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved."

I had to look away from her, struggling with the internally directed anger desperately. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way. It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella – please, grasp that." Why couldn't she just see that she was in so much danger when I wanted her, too?

"No." She was sulking again. Such a childish gesture – and irrationally, I was irritated all the more by it.

Bella was supposed to be mature, as well as observant. So why wasn't she living up to that and realizing that I was deadly? "I'm serious." I could kill her at any second if I could not longer control myself.

"So am I," she announced, sticking stubbornly to her resolve. "I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

The image of her cold, dead form flashed through my mind – what she would have looked like after that first Biology class if I hadn't stopped. Then what she would have looked like if I had found her after those men this evening had gotten her first…

It was never too late to stop something. How dare she say something like that? "Never say that."

And ironically, I realized too late that all the anger I was bottling up, hidden inside, had lashed out at her with my command. It was mostly pushed back now, a small release of my temper allowing it to cool slightly in expectancy of use – use that wouldn't come.

I felt frozen: allowing my temper to get the better of me was never a pleasant experience – and I knew I had hurt her. How could I have lost control when I'd been fighting for so long during our conversation to keep it?

I had to try and make amends. But I didn't know what was going through her head now – I had stopped breathing, and didn't know if she was afraid now. With the last of the air stored in my lungs, I asked, "What are you thinking?" My voice sounded rough from guilt.

Her hair swung around as she shook her head, not looking at me. We weren't looking at each other any more. I caught a breath of air from the air vent again – and this time, a new scent accompanied her usual one.

Intense as her blood – but cleaner. A purified form of her blood, one that didn't call to me with that overwhelming, painful demand…and salty. My head whipped around so I could look at her.

A single bead of water rolled down her cheek. Her miserable eyes gazed unseeingly out the window: shoulders hunched slightly, she looked like a hurt child.

I drew in a sharp breath of air, feeling punched in the stomach. "Are you crying?" Had I done this to her? Had I hurt her this much?

Her hand quickly flew up to her face and wiped away the tears – no more spilled out after them, but the pain twisting inside me was no less strong. "No." She denied it, but her voice cracked.

I wanted to comfort her – I wanted to reach over and pull her closer, tell her that I didn't mean it… My hand was reaching out towards her to brush the hair away from her face without my permission when I stopped.

Guilt welled within me, effectively killing the anger that was unneeded now, but I couldn't touch her. I could just imagine what would happen if I could feel her pulse pounding under my fingers, feel the heat of her skin instead of sense it from the proximity we kept constant.

With my hand back on the steering wheel, I felt like even more of a monster than before. I couldn't even so much as touch her shoulder to comfort her without worrying about my inner monster demanding I kill her.

"I'm sorry." Two simple words that couldn't even sum up everything I felt. I couldn't comfort her, not really; I had hurt her so much with three simple words laced with undue anger; I had told her that she shouldn't feel the emotions that a part of me still wanted her to feel.

I couldn't tell her not to feel. I couldn't change her feelings – Jasper could, but that was beside the point. The selfish part of me won: I couldn't deny her if she was attracted to me, too. I didn't know how to bring up my change of heart right now, so close to the pain I caused her.

What could I say now? The darkness suddenly seemed compressed, enclosing in on my car as we drove toward the town of Forks. I couldn't bring up the topic we had just gone over again – instead, I opted for distracting us from me. "Tell me something."

"Yes?" Her quiet whisper was no longer strangled with tears, for which I was grateful.

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression – you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something." I kept my mind firmly on the fact that Bella was beside me right now, and not hurt by those men. It helped the anger little, but it was enough for me to keep my temper in check.

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker – you know, self-defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain." Her answer completely surprised me. She was willing to fight? And the detail – nose into his brain, did this innocent, sweet Bella honestly think such a thought?

I had never pictured her as one to think happily about hurting another person rather badly – but a slight glimmer of a smile passed over her lips before it turned into a glare directed at nothing.

Then it registered fully. "You were going to fight them? Didn't you think about running?" What kind of girl doesn't think about running when faced with four stronger, older men obviously out for one purpose only?

Apparently Bella did. "I fall down a lot when I run."

That wasn't unexpected: I hadn't thought about that. But still… "What about screaming for help?" Even as I said it, I knew the screams would have been futile. No one would have heard her.

"I was getting to that part." So she thought of screaming last? Usually, a teenage girl would have screamed first thing in that situation, not even thinking about it.

Shaking my head, I muttered, "You were right – I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive." Maybe I could enlist Alice to help me…for that matter, why hadn't she noticed my phone wouldn't be charged during this Port Angeles excursion? That I would need her help to find Bella?

Or since Bella hadn't decided to go off alone yet, she hadn't seen anything going amiss? By the time she had made her choices to lead her into the dark, deserted part of Port Angeles… and then those men had to choose to follow her…I calculated quickly.

Alice would have gotten to Port Angeles to warn me a few minutes after I had actually found Bella. She wouldn't have been able to help me get her out of danger. That must be why she wasn't here now.

We passed into the boundaries of Forks in less than twenty minutes – because Bella made me slow down. I heard her sigh. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

It wasn't going to be sunny. "Yes – I have a paper due, too," I teased, trying to brighten the mood after my large mistake by smiling. "I'll save you a seat at lunch." It was a promise that would be kept sooner than the other one I had made this evening.

Surprisingly, she blushed a brilliant shade of pink. What was this one for? I couldn't figure it out, and I was far too preoccupied with trying to keep my thirst back to wonder about her blush. I could do that later…

I pulled to a stop in front of Chief Swan's house: he was inside, watching TV and waiting for Bella. Neither Jessica nor Angela had actually called to tell him that I was giving her a ride instead: the monster inside of me growled in annoyance and triumph as one reason for keeping her alive this evening faded.

When I stopped, she didn't get out immediately. Instead, she asked, "Do you _promise_ to be there tomorrow?"

"I promise." I was certainly making her a lot of promises tonight. She thought for a moment, nodded, and pulled off my jacket in one smooth motion. For some reason, I was disappointed that she took it off. "You can keep it – you don't have a jacket for tomorrow," I quickly added. I felt like a bumbling teenage boy.

She offered a slight smile as she handed it back anyway. "I don't want to have to explain to Charlie." The classic overprotective-of-his-teenage-daughter father…

That made me feel even more like a teenager: I couldn't help grinning. It was strange that Bella could make me feel like this. "Oh, right."

Bella turned to the door, but this time she was moving even slower than human slow. Was something wrong? I glanced out to the woods – nothing was there. But the thought made me remember something important.

Bella's house was very close to the forest. And one thing that had become a constant in my 'life' was the use of forests as traveling paths – it was easy for us to run through the trees, because we were mostly masked from view. The shade protected us when the sun shone.

And most of our visitors came through forests as well.

There was the rare coven that found their way to the Washington Peninsula, and since most vampires we ever met were human drinking that posed a sudden threat to Bella's safety. If I found her scent intoxicatingly good, there was no telling if another vampire would as well.

And if they decided to go hunting before coming to our house to introduce themselves to the dominant coven…Not to mention that vampires often found a sick satisfaction in playing with their food… "Bella?"

She turned around far too fast. "Yes?"

I didn't ponder it, but instead scrambled for a way to phrase it. "Will you promise me something?"

"Yes." That was a bit surprising: I would have expected her to ask what it was first, before agreeing.

It certainly helped me, however: she wasn't asking what I wanted her to promise. "Don't go into the woods alone." I couldn't imagine her dying at another vampires' hands after all the effort I had put to making myself keep her alive.

"Why?" She was always curious!

I looked away, trying to keep the full-blown scowl from my face. "I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

A shiver ran through her body – I could see her in the reflection of the glass, but she didn't seem to realize that. "Whatever you say," she promised, eyes still locked on the side of my face.

I sighed: not smart. Since I had stopped the car, her scent was everywhere and there was no air vent to seek relief from. "I'll see you tomorrow," I told her, willing her to leave before I lost control.

"Tomorrow, then," she replied softly. The door opened – and a rush of air blew her scent straight into me.

Against my will, the fire burned in my throat and I leaned towards her. I barely stopped myself inches from her face, ready to duck down and bite her throat – no! I fought hard. In the end, with her scent still around me and no relief evident, I could only manage to freeze completely still.

My mind raced as I stopped breathing, holding only a little of the air poisoned with her scent in my lungs. I didn't know what to do, but the first idea that came to mind, I ran with. "Bella?"

When she turned her head, I could see that I was, indeed, only a few short inches from her face. Her eyes locked with mine, widened, and I heard her heart give a strange, skipping stutter. Worry for her flew up inside me, offering a blessed distraction from the thirst that roared.

_I wonder when Bella's going to get home. I hope she's having fun with Jessica and Angela…_ Chief Swan, sitting up to watch TV and wait for his daughter's return. What would he say if he knew she was right here, and sitting beside a monster who was still debating whether to give in and bite her or not?

This struggle wouldn't last much longer – I had to get her to leave. Why I had called her back, I didn't know – it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I realized that the monster inside me that wanted her to stay was just eager to put her blood back within easy reach.

It took everything I had to let out the last bit of air I had, expelling all of the air that was heavy with her scent from my lungs. "Sleep well." Well, _that _was a fantastic choice of words – why didn't I just add on 'because I won't be watching you sleep tonight?'

For a moment, I was worried that she was waiting for something else: she was frozen, gazing at me with glassy eyes…my venom. The scent of my venom had stunned her – perfect timing, exactly when I was struggling not to kill her.

The thirst demanded that I bite her now, while she was stunned and unable to think clearly. I tried to get away from her, and to my shock, this time I managed to straighten – stiffly, but it put distance between us.

Suddenly – to my overwhelmed mind – she stepped out of the car with awkward steps, leaning heavily on the frame and stumbling away. She was still slightly stunned…but she was out of the car. With the door closed, no more of her scent could flow back in and hit me.

I let out a very low laugh, thankful that she was now out of the car. I silently opened the window on my side, letting fresh air in as I watched her stumble up to her front door. My mind cleared more by the second as the fresh air blew into my lungs, clearing my head.

When she reached the door, I pulled away with one thought in my mind: to put distance between us. I had nearly killed her twice in one twenty-minute car ride: what was I doing, again? Trying to test out the waters of romance in a pool I had never climbed in before? Was I truly this foolish?

Even so, a part of me twisted inside in a good way when I glanced out the window as I turned the corner. Bella stood just at her door, watching me drive away. Then I was around the corner, and she was out of sight.

* * *

**A/N – My Jumpdrive that I store every single one of my stories on _crashed_. I had this complete chapter written up on it, along with one for 'Story of my Life'. I'm absolutely furious about that, especially since I had to re-write all of this. URGH! But I'm back home, so I can get online for free instead of $12 an hour! Yay!**

**You'll like the song I chose to listen to nonstop for this chapter. "Suddenly I See" by K T Tunstall. Listen to it – happy beat, enjoyable lyrics, and I can twist it to fit Edward and Bella. :) Trust my music choice, people:) I also am guilty of changing songs, and listening to "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado. Hey, four straight weeks is way too long for one song:) Can you tell I like :)? **

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. Calm Discussion

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I'm very happy! Guess why? I just got my first flame for this story (which has me sadistically glad, for a bizarre reason that only I would understand). And since said reviewer only signed with "XD" – which I think is a happy face? – I can't reply to them. That's why I'm replying here to this:**

_**maybe you could take your own advice I mean come on it just sucked and every body writes fanfics about Twilight in EPOV I mean could you aleast be creative youasked for flames and you got so take that and learn to write better**_

**Hm, well you reviewed at Chapter One – and I'm willing to bet you probably didn't even read it, but no big deal. Also, I take it you read "15 T.N.T.D.I.T.F." – "my own advice"? I started this story long before a lot of other authors started their own versions, if you'd take the time to glance at the publish date – and I think that only Alphie had one going before me, to which I **_**sincerely**_** apologize for stealing her idea of Twilight in Edward's POV – only a little bit later did I find out about hers. "It sucked…" Well, everyone has their opinion, don't they:) You're entitled to yours. And not "everybody" has written Twilight in Edward's POV – that isn't a correct generalization. Random scenes have been written in his POV, and AU stories, but then again not everyone has done something in his POV. Pardon me; I thought I was being creative with my interpretation with Edward's thoughts and his reasoning behind actions – if you have any **_**specific**_** reasons for this judgment, I'd be glad to hear back from you about them. It's always great to know what I've been doing wrong so I can do better. Thanks for wishing me luck with improving my writing:) **

**For the record, please: I wasn't being sarcastic either here or before the review. **

**Thanks for bearing with me with this long reply: I just wanted to reply here for this…well, random person? An actual author in disguise? I don't have a name for he/she/it, so thanks again " XD "! Love you too! **

**Enjoy reading!**

* * *

**_Sunrise_**

**Chapter Eighteen: Calm Discussion **

Getting closer to home helped calm my fraying temper. It was as if the knowledge that Carlisle was close by was enough to ease the temper that had swirled in my head all evening. He was the one person I desperately wanted to talk to, one on one.

But the closer I reached home, the more I began to fear what was waiting for me. I was reasonably certain that Alice had to have seen my conversation with Bella: what we had discussed was extremely important in regards to the family's future.

I was also fairly sure that Alice was already watching Bella and me very closely, eagerly anticipating her becoming a new addition to the family. My anger rose again at the thought of her vision, but it was easier to quell the rising emotion now.

Without Bella in the car, her blood right beside me, my mind and feelings weren't quite as volatile – caused by the suppression of my urge to kill her on the spot. But I was still susceptible to letting my temper break with that appealing scent permeating everything in the car, myself included.

The window, rolled all the way down, allowed fresh air to flow straight into my face. The welcome clean air allowed me to straighten my thoughts and pull myself together. I had to be ready for whatever lay ahead with my family.

Anxiety was rising up slowly now over everything: I had no idea what my family would decide was the best decision, the best way to go from here. Rationalizing, I told myself that they might not even know what had happened yet as I pulled into the tree-lined alley, heading toward the house.

My hope was in vain.

_My biggest worry is the treaty – will this affect it? We don't know how Bella found out, though: it might not have been the Quileutes. I have to talk to Edward._

_I hope that he's all right – was it hard for him tonight? Oh, my son, I hope he won't blame himself. Alice said Bella found it out on her own – but how? _

_He has to have some kind of explanation for this – did he give too much away? Did we give anything away? He almost hurt her twice, Alice's vision flickered: why?_

_Under two months, she discovered what we were! The girl should have been disposed of before she discovered our secret! My life could be ruined! _

_It's so hard to calm everyone down – there's so much worry, so much panic. Then there's Rosalie: I should stifle that. She's calming down – now Alice._

_I didn't see any of it until it was too late! Edward, I'm so sorry – I didn't even think about your cell phone not being charged! I didn't tell them everything, just what I was seeing at the time. You'll have to tell them the most of it – I don't think I can. I don't know it all. _Alice's thoughts beseeched me for help.

She wanted to tell everyone, but was holding back all that she knew in an effort to allow me the chance to tell the family. I pulled my car to a near-silent stop as she kept up a steady stream of words.

_I saw what was going to happen as soon as she turned to the bookstore, but you still hadn't chosen to find her – she was almost – you know that already. But that was when I started going through the future, and – well, I saw basically everything, Edward. Dinner, your drive home, and when you dropped her off…_

I winced: she had seen the choices that I was offered by the monster inside me, then. Alice added, _I know that you wavered for a moment, but Edward, you left her alive. In the end, you won, remember? She's all right – she's home, fine – but talking to that Stanley girl on the phone. _

Even though I knew she was alive, it didn't make me feel better that I had nearly succumbed to my instincts. Walking up to the front door, I slipped inside before anyone could come and pounce at me – the only one I would have expected to do that was Alice, though.

The family was gathered downstairs. Carlisle stood behind Esme, where she sat on the couch with her hands twisted together nervously, worrying about me – as usual. I felt guilty for thinking it, but it was true: she did worry about me a lot.

Emmett and Rosalie sat side by side, my sister between her husband and mother. She glared at me the instant I came in the door, but to my surprise didn't leap up to start in on me. _Trust me Edward, if I could I'd jump up and kill you for putting my life at risk, but I've already been forbidden from doing that._

Carlisle wasn't eager for us to get into another one of our famous arguments right now: I caught the glimmer of thought in his head. _Rosalie had better listen this time. She's being even more remarkably compliant: why is that? Edward, we have much to discuss. Please, don't let your temper get the better of you now._

I nodded slightly to him as I dropped my jacket and keys off on a table beside the door. My eyes flickered last to Jasper and Alice, occupying the second couch. I was left with standing room only: in the limelight of this conversation.

Disliking this position immensely, I came to a stop in front of my family and pointedly ignored all the thoughts that still bounced in my head – questions repeated from mind to mind. I looked directly at Carlisle, waiting for him to lead this oddly calm interrogation.

They had been waiting almost all night for me to get back, worrying and wondering as Alice's visions changed. Carlisle was moving around the couch to stand in front of me. _The absence of shouting is making you nervous, isn't it Edward?_ Jasper suddenly asked in his mind, a break from the norm.

I glanced at him. "Yes, actually. I expected to come home to find myself in a similar situation as in the previous few months." Carlisle smiled slightly. _I'm personally glad we're controlling ourselves this time – yelling at you doesn't seem to work, Edward._

My half-smile was slightly sharp. "No, it doesn't seem to."

This confrontation was more of an attempt to keep my temper in check, something I truly appreciated. Alice's voice echoed in my head. _I suggested that we keep our cool this time, much to Rosalie's chagrin: you really have no idea how many times my visions changed when you came close to losing your temper. In Port Angeles and in this conversation. _

"Thank you, Alice," I replied politely: it was true, and I knew it. I was glad Jasper was here this time in case my emotions went wild despite my efforts at control. "What do you need to know?" I asked Carlisle directly this time. Only one person had to ask the questions tonight: there was so much else on my mind that even I probably couldn't handle multiple queries.

_There are several things that come to mind…_ "Alice told us the basics," he began. "You were in Port Angeles and she knew that some decision hadn't been made yet. While there, Bella Swan decided to go to a bookstore, which opened up the chain of events that Alice hadn't been able to see. Where were you when she made that choice?"

They wanted clarification on the story, details as to why it all led to Bella letting me know that she knew I was a vampire. Relief loosened my tongue; it let my thoughts pour out. "I could only hear her two friends, but because they were in the store, I lost track of them as they moved too far away. I was outside, waiting, and I only realized Bella was gone when I heard Jessica Stanley think about the bookstore she had given Bella directions to."

_This would have been a good time to be able to hear her mind, wouldn't it?_ Carlisle thought, offering an apologetic half-smile. "You then followed her…" he prompted gently, waiting for me to continue.

"I found the bookstore: she hadn't gone inside. Her scent led away, down the street. I didn't get out; I drove, seeing if she was in any minds as I passed. I was sure she would come back the same way eventually. I drove around for a while, and I heard Jessica and Angela's minds in the restaurant Bella was supposed to meet them at."

The condensed version made the long evening seem so much shorter and less intense in comparison to the worry that flooded me as I searched for her. _That's the same as what Alice told us._ "You found Bella in the alley and took her away from those men," he said. I nodded.

_How could he leave those men alive?_ Rosalie raged in her mind. I understood her fury regarding this matter: she was angry that I had managed to save Bella from the fate that had resulted in Rosalie's transformation. It came as no surprise to me that Rosalie was picturing their violent end.

Suddenly, I realized why Rosalie was being compliant to Carlisle's request. She was trying to concentrate on her anger on Bella for learning what we were, but at the same time she was remembering what she had gone through. _The snow, the cold, the dark…_

She respected Carlisle's demand out of a subtle show of gratitude for me stopping the same thing from happening to Bella. Even though Bella was human, Rosalie was extremely relieved that Bella was spared the horror that she had undergone and grateful that these men had been stopped.

I tried not to stare at her when I realized this, but it was hard to believe that my sister was willing to let this large issue pass by without loud arguing just because I had saved Bella. I had a sneaking suspicion that she would confront me later.

_We know that Bella was safe: you took her to the restaurant then?_ Carlisle thought, gesturing for me to continue.

"Her friends were just leaving as we reached the restaurant: I told Bella to call them back, and then offered to take Bella home myself after she had eaten, since they were already done." If I had let her go with the two of them, I could have spared myself the temptation to kill her several times over.

An entirely different realization stuck in their minds. _If you had let her go, then she wouldn't have found out everything!_ Rosalie fumed, crossing her arms and pouting. Emmett wrapped an arm around her comfortingly, the same words running in his head – minus the annoyance and anger.

_There's no way you could have known in advance, Edward._ Carlisle told me._ You did what you thought was right: you wanted to make sure she would be all right, and knew that her friends wouldn't have done that for her. You should be proud of yourself for doing everything that you did._

Sometimes I didn't understand my father's reasoning, but I didn't want to get into an argument about that right now. "Yes, Carlisle." I wondered what to edit about the restaurant conversation, and chose my words carefully.

"In the restaurant, Bella told me that she had another theory but wouldn't tell me right then. First, she asked questions – she'd noticed my eye color," I remembered abruptly. "I was surprised that she had – and she's definitely much more perceptive than any other humans…" That had been obvious to me for a while.

"She got me to admit that I could hear thoughts, but not hers, that I had followed her to Port Angeles, and that I had followed her scent to and away from the bookstore to fetch her from the alley. During dinner," I clarified. "After dinner, we went to the car and I drove her home. It was during the ride that she told me her latest theory."

_And here's the main point of asking him to tell the tale for us,_ Carlisle mused in his head. "We need more detail about what she knew, and what you told her."_ What she knew beforehand, and what you confirmed, revealed or withheld. _

That was easy enough, but I held back from mentioning the most significant part of Bella's words at first. "Her guess was correct – that we are vampires. Then she asked questions for more details – how old I was, why I could come out during the day, sunlight burning, sleeping in coffins…"

"Traditional vampire myths," Carlisle finished for me, a slight smile fluttering across his face. I couldn't stop the one that spread across my own lips at the memory. It felt strangely natural to smile: it was strange that I had smiled so much this night. _And I take it you told her the truth?_ I nodded.

Surprisingly, their thoughts remained calm as I told them that Bella finally knew what we were. I had expected anger or some kind of reprimand – maybe it was because Alice had already told them that Bella knew. And they realized that yelling at me now wouldn't erase the past.

But the questioning was by no means over. _You didn't finish,_ Alice reprimanded me,_ there's more to it than that, Edward. I saw a few bits about how she found out in the first place. You know I did._

I sent a sharp glare towards Alice, which she met with a stern pout. "I know that, Alice." I hadn't been planning to keep that information from them at all.

"Know what?" Emmett stared back and forth from me to Alice. _What do you know?_

I kept my eyes on Carlisle. "Bella told me how she found out we were vampires." The worries about this particular part of the story troubled me greatly.

This Jacob Black mustn't have known that his words could break the treaty. Of course, they only would if we decided to act on it: if we weren't bound by something far more important to us than a deal with werewolves. To break the treaty on our part would mean to kill a human.

I knew that Carlisle would push to keep the treaty intact despite this. I knew him as well as I knew myself, through our years together and the mind-reading capabilities I had no control over. He wouldn't want to paint us as the 'bad guys' by starting a war with the werewolves.

Besides that, he wouldn't be willing to break the treaty on our side even if he wanted to fight. Carlisle was one of the most peaceful creatures there was – he would never willingly engage in a fight unless there was no choice.

He raised an eyebrow now. _And how did she find out? Did she come up with it on her own?_ Oh, if only she had…

"No – a Quileute boy told her a legend – one that included us. And he mentioned our family by name."

There was a very brief pause in which the majority of their thoughts all echoed the same thing. _What?_ Then an uproarious clamor of thought and image rushed through my mind, fast and intense in the surprise, anger and worry that cancelled out their consideration to my own head.

Clapping my hands over my ears, I gritted my teeth together in an attempt to sort it out and away from my mind. As soon as they realized how badly the chaos of their minds was affecting me, my family attempted not to shout in my head by default.

I managed – for the most part – to tune their minds out like I had grown used to. But, as always, I could never fully get them out of my own mind. _Does this mean the treaty is broken? What are we supposed to do?_ Carlisle questioned himself._ Will they no longer keep our secret? Will we have to move?_

The thought of moving prompted a panic in me, unlike anything I had ever thought I could experience: leave Forks, and leave Bella? My mind told me in cruel logic that we would end up leaving someday.

But I _wanted_ the time I was allotted to discover more about Bella, about the human girl who could keep her mind from me, and a smelled far too delicious… My selfishness was endangering her, but I couldn't bring myself to let it go.

I had to add more before anything else happened, before the family began packing their bags right that minute. I didn't even register my own thoughts until I had said, "He doesn't believe in the legends: that's why he told them to Bella."

Only then did I pause. Why was I so anxious to stay in Forks? It would be better for Bella's health and safety if I did leave: something else in me, besides the logic, said that I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to stay here, with her, learn as much about her as I could…

It only caused conflicting feelings inside me. Why couldn't I just chose one side and stick to it?

I had caught the family's attention successfully and opened my mouth again quickly to finish my words. "She said his name was Jacob Black. He told her the legends for fun, a 'scary story'. But she was already suspicious of us, and took the legends much more literally than Jacob."

A stir of sympathy awoke in my stomach when I saw contemplation in my sibling's thoughts and faces. This Jacob Black had no idea that at that very minute, several vampires were considering what to do about him now that he had told something that was a complete secret.

I wondered who this boy was. Did he know that he could have broken the treaty, if we chose to act on it? If we chose to attack because the treaty could be considered void by now? We wouldn't, of course: everyone already knew what Carlisle was going to decide for the safety of our family.

_If he doesn't know, didn't know, when he told Bella, then I see no reason to do anything. _My father was hopeful: he didn't like fighting at all, and mush preferred to keep things peaceful between our family and those who could harm us.

He nodded to me and turned to the rest of the family, one by one. "None of us is going to do anything to the Quileutes. I know none of you would have…but as far as I consider it, the treaty is not broken. When the Quileute Council finds out about Jacob Black's action," _and I'm sure they will_, "then they will see that we did nothing even when the agreement could be considered void because of this."

_Maybe they'll believe that we mean no harm to anyone when they realize we've still kept our side of the treaty._ Carlisle's hope was a shared one, which we all hoped for – even though Emmett was still itching for a fight of some kind. That was just more from his competitive nature, however.

A part of me was glad for this Jacob Black's sake that we hadn't done anything about his transgression. He may have been born into a tribe that had a history of producing the most disgusting monsters I had ever encountered, but just because his ancestors were wolves that didn't mean he and his people of this century deserved to be treated like them. He was only human.

Rosalie had apparently had enough of staying silent for the time being. "And what about our secret now being in the hands of a human girl?" _Or are we going to skip over that part completely for dear Edward's sake?_

It was hard to resist rolling my eyes, but I managed. Rosalie may have been grateful for some of my actions, but that didn't mean she was going to be silent about the ones she didn't like – she just wouldn't shout about them.

Carlisle gave her a disappointed look that made her fall back in her seat, slumping against the couch behind her. _I said I wouldn't scream at Edward, as much as I'd like to, not that I'd be completely silent. _

_She has a point, Edward._ My father's eyes turned to me. _I trust your judgment on many things._ "Do you trust Bella to keep this a secret?"

"Yes." I didn't even hesitate. Not only would it be entirely too impossible for any human to consider as truth without evidence behind it, but I believed she would keep this a secret. If she believed what I had told her, she had to logically realize that she couldn't tell a soul.

If not by common sense, then my reluctance to tell her should have been a tip-off that this wasn't something to be told lightly to others. Even a normal human would have realized this – and Bella was anything but 'normal'. She was nothing like any average human.

Carlisle stared at me for a long minute, weighing the possibilities of probable outcomes. Trust Bella: don't trust her. And if we don't think she'll keep her word, dispose of her or move? Similar things played through others' minds.

I desperately hoped that if the general decision came down to 'Bella can't be trusted with our secret', that we wouldn't take the first choice. But I didn't like the second, either… Neither was appealing to me in the least.

"We can trust Bella, or not trust her," Carlisle finally announced. _If the general vote is no, then I'll introduce those options._

It was a family decision, the vote, but I wasn't taking a part in it this time. When Carlisle looked towards me first, I shook my head. "I'm not going to say anything for either side, Carlisle."

He frowned. _I value your opinion, Edward. Why don't you think you should say anything? You're part of this family, too. The choice will affect you – possibly more than anyone else, considering how much closer you are to Bella than the rest of us are to her._

Again, I shook my head. "It's my fault we've reached this point at all, Carlisle. I shouldn't have a say in this." Although it was true that I knew Bella far better than anyone else in my family, I knew that Carlisle's insinuation had to be absurd. Me, close to Bella in any way? At most, we were friends right now.

Weren't we…?

_Since you believe it's your fault, that only means you should have even more of a say than the rest of us,_ he countered. I could feel golden eyes boring into me from almost every side except from behind, but they wouldn't interfere with my decision. And neither would my self-induced distraction: I tried to focus.

Because I had refused to tell her what I was, she had resorted to asking for tidbits of information at a beach trip to La Push. Bella should have been thinking about spending time with her friends, but instead she thought about me.

The undeniable warm emotions that made me feel good at the thought of that were not important. I couldn't allow them to distract me, either. There were far too many distractions in this conversation, in my life right now, that I struggled doubly hard with myself.

Looking away from their eyes, I waited patiently for Carlisle to realize that I wasn't going to speak with him about this tonight. I heard him sigh. _You don't need to punish yourself for something that isn't your fault, Edward, but I'll respect your decision. _

"Votes? Yes or no?" he asked quietly. _Of course: Alice, yes._

A moment later, my sister's voice loudly proclaimed, "Yes." _You're far too stubborn, Edward, but the vote's going my way so it doesn't matter. And I know what you would have voted…_ Of course she did! She could see the future.

Moments after her, Jasper answered, "Yes." _If Edward thinks so, then I'll go with it. I don't like it that much, but who am I to judge? I've never even spoken to Bella – I can't be a judge of her character in my own right. And I believe Alice, too._

His reaction wasn't unpredictable, but Emmett casting his, "Yes," vote next was surprising. He, like Jasper, usually waited to cast his vote with his wife. I looked up to see him looking straight at me. And his thoughts were plain and clear to read.

_Jasper was right, you know. You do love her, don't you? Your face was more open and happy than I've ever seen it before, even as you thought you were coming in to get screamed at by Rose. If the choice was anything other than yes, I'd hate to think what you'd miss out on._

He had to bring up one of the distractions I was trying to set aside, didn't he? The question of loving Bella or not: something I was certain was absurd. A soulless monster like myself, doomed to hell if any circumstance caused me to actually die – in love? Impossible.

The mere thought was irrational. I shook my head slightly, frowning at him: I didn't want to speak, and risk someone else in the family looking my way and asking whom I was replying to. Knowing Emmett, he'd answer before I could.

Shrugging just the slightest bit, he looked away – but not before a final comment. _Really, honestly think about it Edward. You know that love is possible, no matter how much you think that you don't have a soul. Just let me tell you this: if love is impossible for someone soulless as you think we are, then you're saying the love between everyone in our family to their mates, to each other, and even to you, is also false. _

I didn't want to hear any more. I didn't want to be distracted by his thoughts right now, when I was struggling with the slowly fading thirst, the diminished but still bubbling anger towards those humans from Port Angeles, the worry over this vote, what it would mean for Bella's life if I became any more attached to her…everything.

The stress wasn't that high – yet – because I was trying not to concentrate on the 'everything' that was passing through my mind. I listened to Rosalie as she quietly announced her own, "Yes."

_I don't like trusting a human: I don't like depending on her to keep our secret. This is my life – I should have had a choice in who knew about it! But I have to repay Edward. I trust him, don't I? Of course I do. He's my brother. And I owe him for his help in Port Angeles. Even if it's some silly human girl. _

Only I could have understood the reasons behind her need to repay me for something that wasn't her fault. No one had come for her: but I had gone after someone. I had kept Bella safe.

And no matter the dislike Rosalie had for her, she was grateful that I had saved someone who could have been in her position. But that didn't mean she needed to repay me for it – I just hadn't wanted Bella to be hurt. I also knew that no matter what argument I used Rosalie wouldn't agree. Her stubbornness might as well be her enhanced trait in combination with her beauty: she brought new meaning to the term 'stubborn as a mule'.

Lastly, I heard my mother's voice softly decide on, "Yes." _Edward, you need her. I'm not about to stand in the way of this. Can't you see that you love her by now? What could you possibly call your feelings if not 'love'? _

What could I call them? Affection…protectiveness…a longing to see her safe…a desire to make her happy… I frowned. I had only ever felt that way for my family before. Why would I now feel them for a human girl? Bella?

Carlisle shook me out of the dangerous path my thoughts were straying. _Don't frown Edward, you know this is what you wanted. This is what we all decided, you see? There's nothing to be worried about._ "My vote is the same. I suppose it's decided. Is there anything else we need to discuss now?"

He spoke aloud to the family, but his thoughts were directed solely to me. I met his eyes as I listened. _You must have heard this over again already, Edward, but allow me to say it a second time. I believe Jasper is right as well._

I grimaced and looked away toward the stairs, then back to my father – asking if we could discuss this in private. _Certainly._ "If there's nothing else," he said with his signature calm, "then I believe Edward and I need to talk in my office…"

_Hear him out, Edward,_ Esme warned me as she smiled. "Go ahead. I have a few projects I really should work on." _That painting really needs to be finished as soon as I can get it done…_

She drifted off towards where her painting was located, and my siblings separated: Rosalie and Emmett to the garage, Alice and Jasper to the forest. _My office, I suppose, Edward._ I allowed Carlisle to lead me up the stairs.

Closing the door behind me, I turned and let my eyes drift over the paintings that decorated the wall we had entered. The stories behind those pieces of art were numerous, and each one was significant to Carlisle and the rest of us.

It was a history in canvas and paint, a history that could only be read by us. It was much more personal than a written past, one that could be read by any human who encountered it.

The paintings were safe that way; a tangible, substantial connection to our past that we could look at and know the story behind – one that no one else would be able to tell. But one picture in particular drew my attention immediately: I positioned my body in front of it.

Painted faces lacking in detail stared down at me: the faces of the three leaders of the Volturi. Aro, Marcus and Caius.

_Are you worried about them?_ My father stood right beside me, his eyes locked on my face instead of those of his old friends, from so long ago. _I assure you, Edward, we would never let them get to Bella if they found out about her._

But he didn't know if he was really speaking for the whole family or not – I knew that as surely as I knew that Carlisle wanted his words to be true. Whatever dream they were living in also seemed to include me loving Bella.

That only reminded me of the thoughts that flowed through my head, attempting to sidetrack me during the vote. I was completely puzzled about my family's insistence that I loved Bella. Didn't I know myself well enough? Wouldn't I have realized it – if love were even possible for me?

I would have – wouldn't I?

Did my disbelief in the very idea of myself in love keep me blind to the truth? It sounded ridiculous: what I claimed was the truth, what I said I felt was what I did. I didn't need my family to tell me the emotions I felt: I knew already, didn't I?

Carlisle took my lack of answer as wariness. _We would do anything for you, Edward: you're our son, sibling and friend. Family. If you think that it was the right decision to tell Bella about yourself, it was your decision. We can take care of ourselves: you don't need to feel so obligated to protect the whole family. _

Really…Carlisle knew me better than this. I tore my eyes away from the painting, to his golden ones. "But my choices could affect you all if I make the wrong ones. And I'm not sure I made the right decision…" In fact, I was certain they would condemn me for my choice, yell and shout and demand I fix it.

Instead, they had turned right around and been solemn and thoughtful, considering the events and deciding to trust me – even though I hardly deserved any trust, let alone of this magnitude. And their surprising 'casualness' with the entire situation was utterly bemusing.

Alice said she saw it wouldn't turn out for the better if anyone lost his or her temper with me – but I had to wonder. How? Why? And there had to be more to this – so, what? What would have happened? There were too many questions, and no answers.

Or was I being paranoid about Alice's visions and what my response to my family would have been, had they not controlled themselves and thus allowed me to keep my own temper in check? Was I reading too much into things? No, of course not: absurd.

_Your choices would affect us. Only because we'd allow them to: we're your family, and we won't abandon you for anything. That's our choice, Edward. We're allowed to decide things for ourselves, too. _He headed toward his desk: I headed toward a chair in the corner.

He frowned at my 'anti-social' behavior, as he saw it. _Why does he have to do that? _Then I heard: _The right decision – Edward, the right decision isn't always obvious. Sometimes you make a choice, and live with the consequences. Sometimes you know what you're doing. Sometimes it's a mistake._

I narrowed my eyes at him. "For some _strange_ reason, that doesn't make me feel better, Carlisle."

"I know."_ I won't lie to you, Edward. I don't know if you made the right choice. But 'right' is also a matter of perception. It depends on whose side you're on, what opinions you have, and why things are happening the way they are._ "I can't tell you what to do, Edward. I can't tell you that this was the right thing."

Sighing, I glumly replied, "Thank you for trying, Carlisle…I'm just worried that I made the wrong choice, that she'll be in even _more_ danger, that because of me she –."

"You can't predict the future, Edward." I stared at him. _Point taken._ "Well, _you_ can't. Alice can. But that's not the point. The point is that you need to have faith in your decisions." _Things can turn out for the better even when you least expect it. Even when you think that all hope is lost…_

The room quieted: Carlisle was watching me, his thoughts revolving around the dilemma I had set up for him. Right and wrong: I may have made the right decision in someone's perception, but in mine it was wrong.

_Jasper is right about you, Edward._ My eyes had drifted to the ground: they darted up to meet my father's when I heard that. _If you could have seen yourself when you walked in…_ The image flashed through his mind's eye.

_The entrance frames me as I enter through the front door: my golden eyes are somehow alive, more than they've ever seemed. They are sparkling in suppressed anger, worry, sadness – and something else. Bright: joyful: happy…_

My mind was reeling as I listened to Carlisle's gentle voice. _You can't deny that there was something new about you. Your eyes, especially: and it was a good thing, Edward. No matter the circumstances around your encounter with Bella tonight, you still came home happy. It's much better than how you used to look…_

_Myself, sitting on the windowsill. I look out across the endless acres before me, the moonlight shining down in soft silver ripples. Sheet music is in my hands, I mark a few notes: my eyes are visible from this perspective. There's no light, faint happiness – but it's more contentment than joy…_

I recognized the house around me in his second image. That was our previous home, just before we moved to Forks. Carlisle could see that I noticed something different in myself, which was exactly what he wanted from me.

_Just think about it, Edward. Thank you for coming with me: I've missed being able to talk to you like this._

Frowning, I answer, "But it was all about me. That's not how our conversations usually go." Had I missed out on too much during these past weeks being preoccupied with Bella? Had I accidentally pushed my father away?

He smiled and shakes his head. "That's all I wanted to talk about today."_ Whenever you want, you can come in and talk with me. You know that, Edward. I didn't mind being able to discuss these things with you: they've probably been on your mind for a while. _

Standing slowly, my eyes stay locked with Carlisle's. _I hope you do listen to us about your feelings, Edward. You know that Bella is a special young woman, and even though you don't seem to see it, we have all noticed that you are attracted to her. Don't deny it because of an idea that you have held onto stubbornly for all these years. _

That was one sticking point, one difference between Carlisle and I that was the most serious. The argument of soulless versus soul-carrying vampires was a long discussion between us that had long been stalemate.

We didn't argue about it any more. Carlisle believed that I had the right to my own opinions and ideas and so didn't attempt to force me to his side of things, to make me see his point of view as the right one. And I clung to my belief tightly: how could I be wrong? Even when I wanted to think he could be right, I knew it couldn't be.

I trekked my way out of his office and headed for my room, taking the stairs quickly and eagerly so I could reach my final destination. As I slipped into my room, I made sure not to accidentally slam the door and collapsed on my sofa with a sigh.

There was too much to think about – and not enough time to consider it all.

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**A/N – Not the best of endings, but I really wanted to give you guys an update so I'm going to have to cut off here. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and I'm very glad I managed to get this out! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	18. Planning

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

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**A/N – Yay! Another one from 'XD'. I have my own personal flamer:) **

_glad i could help but i realy didnt mean any of that it's just that you asked for flames so i gave you one but realy this is like the best story ever ...NOT_

**At the moment, I'm not sure exactly what you wanted to say because I can't figure out a point to this review… Anyway, still no specifics. That makes me sad. :( Oh, well! Oh, and I thought you hated this story – um, why did you review again, and at Chapter Eighteen at that? Sorry, I just can't figure it out.**

**Quiver (because you didn't leave me an e-mail :)): Aw, thank you:) That makes me feel so good. Also, I hope that this chapter will show you why I kept Rosalie eerily calm (I know it was weird, too, and I wasn't going to leave it that way, but then the Scene popped into my head and I decided to go with it). Also, the chapters are 'off' because I'm writing the story after Stephenie's first chapter of Midnight Sun – so my Chapter One is really Chapter Two, etc… :)**

**Enjoy the chapter! I enjoyed writing it:) **

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_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Nineteen: Planning**

Time was truly a luxury.

It seemed that my family wasn't at all eager to allow me quiet time to myself. I had barely collapsed back on my sofa when I heard Esme coming up the stairs. _His eyes were darker, I think. I'll have to see to be sure. But surely he realizes he should hunt now, while he has the opportunity? _

As much as I wanted to relax in my room and waste away the hours until school started, I knew that she was right. I would be seeing Bella in the morning. Wouldn't it be better for me to have my thirst quenched – as much as possible – before I saw her again?

There was so much I needed to think about, but if I were out of the house the chance of hearing other's thoughts would be much less. I would have even more privacy out of the house – even now, I could still hear Carlisle contemplating what book he wished to look through again, despite him being so far from my room.

I was standing before Esme could reach my door, and was opening it for her just as her hand was rising to grasp the handle. _Oh! Did my thoughts disturb yours, Edward?_ Esme smiled gently at me as I stepped out of my room and closed the door.

"No," I answered softly. "But I was going to take your advice – head out for a while. I do need to." And I also needed some time alone, to think and to get my temper back to neutral.

My mother smiled widely and turned around to walk down the stairs with me. "When you get back…"_ I've wanted to hear you play for a while now. Do you think you could spare a little time for me?_

"Of course." I didn't even need to think about it. Esme was practically my mother in every way that truly counted: of course I would play for her. "As soon as I get back, I promise."

She smiled widely at me, and we reached the bottom of the stairs. _Thank you, Edward. I'll see you when you get home._ Turning in the opposite direction I would go, she headed back to the portrait she was still working on. _Maybe the lighter shade of blue would look better – and the green, a darker one…_

I headed towards the front door. Outside, the air was crisp and clean. The dark of the night did nothing to prohibit my sight as I strode off through the trees. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie's minds in the garage. They registered my presence outside, but were focused changing the oil in Rosalie's car.

Setting off at a run through the trees, I began to feel lighter and happier. Running almost always made me feel like this. It made me feel so much more content than anything else I had yet to experience.

Crossing through the trees at blinding speeds, I soon let myself go – surrendered to my senses. Began a chase for the kill. I took down several small animals: there weren't very many large predators in the area for me to chase down.

I had to content myself with what I could get, but I had to admit that the meal wasn't all that bad. Blood was blood, after all, and even that of a small, furry rodent-like creature tasted less than appetizing compared to the memory of Bella's scent.

It bothered me as I hunted. The memory of her scent, fresh in my mind – stuck in my head – that was constantly teasing the monster inside of me. The beast inside my head longed to find her, drink from her instead, but that was something I was not willing to allow myself to do.

Rolling over my thoughts of her with absurd ease, however, were the wonderings about what I, myself, had felt. For Bella, and about her: for instance, when she had confided that she had asked about me during a trip with her friends.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel, so I had nothing to compare the strange, tingling feeling to. I didn't know what I was supposed to think about her revelation. Was this a good thing? A bad one? Was I supposed to be happy – or was confusion normal?

What was normal, anyway? I berated myself: I could hardly be a judge of what was usual and usual. The most I could content myself with was the knowledge that I had more time with her.

But what to do with that time before my family would move on from Forks? I could learn so much about her by observing her from a distance – but there was a connection now. Faint, and I couldn't name it: yet the connection was there.

It was something I had never felt before to another person, human or otherwise. Frowning, and contemplating the idea, I easily took down another small kill. She confused me so much, and I had only just begun to ask a few questions and receive fewer answers.

If I watched her from afar she would be safe. I could learn very much about her from further away. But I didn't want to be further away: I wanted to be close to her. I wanted to understand her, talk with her, let her tell me everything that I learned instead of letting me see it inconspicuously.

What was that, then? What was it I wanted to do? Build a relationship with her? Maybe of friendship – but that wasn't right. I knew that wasn't the right word for it. But what was the right word to use?

I knew what my family would think. Sighing, I almost muttered it out loud – so deep was I in thoughts – and barely managed to keep my lips tightly shut. 'Love', was it then?

Love was just a word, thought. I had never experienced it for anyone in the way that the couples of my family had. I loved each of them, definitely – but I didn't love them the same way as they loved each other. Their love for me, and mine for them, was a different type of the same emotion.

It had to mean that they couldn't know what they were talking about. Surely they couldn't know while I was left in the dark? It had to be impossible – didn't a person know his or her own feelings?

And I had been without a mate for all these years. If I was as susceptible to love as the others, why hadn't I 'fallen' for anyone before now? Why Bella, why a human, why in Forks, why…why?

There were too many questions. And not a single answer was coming to my half-crazed mind. I found that I was almost stumbling as I ran through the forest, wandering aimlessly over the moss and through the undergrowth.

I was insane – I simply had to be. Choosing to fall in love with a human was utterly preposterous, but here I was: considering the possibility that my family was right! That I had fallen in love with a human girl, with Bella! The one human whose scent drew me so viciously.

The very idea was absurd. And yet, my family was so certain that they were right, and I was wrong. They were so certain that I loved this human girl, and I couldn't help but let that small part of me wonder: were they right?

A loud crack ripped through the night: the sound of a tree, snapping and falling to the ground. Instinctively, my feet slowed and my head turned to look off in the direction of the sound. What had hit with enough force to cause such a sound?

I didn't see anything in the forest around me. Instincts heightened by curiosity and confusion about the source of the tree snapping, I headed off towards the location the sound emanated from.

A low crunching of pine needles under my feet was the only giveaway of my position: slowly skirting around several trees and pushing my way through bushes, I eventually walked out at human speed to the location of the tree.

It was snapped neatly in half, jagged edges reaching up toward the sky from a stump. The majority of the trunk was lying flat on the ground before my feet: I nudged it half-heartedly with my foot. Even though it had just been broken, the trunk was covered in moss, as if it had been there for a long time.

…_dare run away. Don't you even consider it, Edward – I know you can hear me, you – you idiot! You irresponsible, impulsive, idiotic man! How could you give away our secret like that? Just spout it off aimlessly to some random human girl – and one that you supposedly love, nonetheless? You shouldn't have gotten away with it!_

Of course. Rosalie.

Now that I concentrated, I realized that her scent was fresher in the area. Our family's scents crossed all over our lands, which had inhibited my ability to tell that she had recently been here, but now that I focused I could tell that she was.

And her mind had been in my range, but with all my thoughts centered on the hunt, I had forgone my ability and temporarily managed to put other's thoughts from my mind. Letting instincts take control always shut out the extraordinarily supernatural abilities that I, and two of my siblings, had received.

She was gaining quickly on the spot where I stood, still staring down blankly at the toppled tree. Suddenly realizing my vulnerable position, I turned around to face her head-on. Running would do no good: obviously, I could outrun her. I was the fastest of my family.

But that would only make her stew more in her anger, and Rosalie might actually attack me closer to home. Even she realized that would be a bad thing: neither of us wished to bother Esme with fighting. It only upset our mother when real fights broke out among our ranks.

I could just barely see her tearing through the trees as she approached: Rosalie wasn't surprised to see me standing there, waiting. If anything, she had been expecting this reaction.

_That's right. Don't run, Edward: face up to what you did._

Her thoughts would have bothered anyone else in my family: they would have vehemently denied that I had anything to feel sorry for. The thought had been countless in heads already.

But I knew better than they just what I had to face up to. I had essentially allowed our secret to be revealed to a human, to Bella: for that, I had to pay in some way. If no one else would dole out the punishment, then I would content myself with Rosalie's righteous fury.

My sister's golden eyes gleamed in anticipation of a good fight. My muscles tensed as I, too, eagerly awaited her advance. Even though – more often than not – Emmett and Esme and everyone in the family stopped the two of us from butting heads, we still had our fights outside the home.

Usually our frustrations and angers were vented before Alice could reach us and intervene. And even if they weren't completely sated, we had still let off enough steam to allow ourselves to cool down. I had a feeling that this would be just a temporary release of stress, and that my other sister would be showing up shortly.

Rosalie felt the same way, evidently. Her eager hands stretched forward to tackle my to the ground, to begin our fight, as she shot through the last stand of trees separating us from one another. I prepared myself to retaliate.

She slammed into me: the sound of rock impacting upon rock ripped through the trees, likely carrying the sound waves all the way home. Air flew from my lungs with a muffled curse as I hit the ground. My shirt tore in several small places on my back as I wriggled and threw her off.

Swinging my legs around into a crouch, I leaned forward – almost touching the ground with my hands – as she twisted in midair. My eyes followed her like a hunter's as Rosalie landed squarely on her feet and sunk low: knees bent, back curved, hands clawed, she looked like a dangerous, wild animal.

_I've let you go without punishment for long enough. Of course I'm grateful – for some of your actions. Don't think I'm not. But Carlisle didn't even say a word to the contrary of your decision! Doesn't anyone realize what a dangerous choice it was for our life? _Rosalie snarled, her thoughts echoing into my head.

"I know it was dangerous," I hissed, stepping back and blocking a flung-out arm that just barely missed my face. "Of course I know what danger I placed everyone in – do you think I didn't realize that?"

"And still you get away with it!" Her eyes gleamed in fury. _You could have destroyed my life! Emmett's life!_ Her leg kicked out and she attempted to sweep my feet out from under me: leaping into the air, I evaded her move and hooked my foot around her ankle.

Pulling sharply with my leg, I brought her closer to me, grasped her arms, twisted her around and flung her away. Her nails scratched down my forearms and hands, creating a screeching metallic noise – but she came away without taking a single particle of my skin with her.

I glared at her when she turned around. "Got away with it? I hardly think that this is getting away with something, Rosalie! I accept that I made a mistake." She swung: I ducked and landed a blow of my own on her stomach, driving her back. "I know that what I did was dangerous!"

_And you still did it!_ Her fist landed squarely on my jaw, surprising me, and I staggered back. She drew away slightly, sinking into a crouch. I hadn't heard her decision in her thoughts, as she was concentrating on thinking to me. _You still allowed the human to learn about us!_

"Do you think I had that much control over this?" Rosalie spun back into the fight, arms seeming to flail – but it was a deadly precision that guided her arms. I had to struggle to avoid her fists. "I had hardly any say in what she learned about us, Rosalie. I just told her the truth about what she asked me."

"And that makes it all right?" she snarled. _It lets you off the hook? You told her the truth: that could be even more dangerous than you seem to think it is! With the truth in her head, it could be only a matter of time before the Volturi come after our family!_

Twisting under her arm, I shoved her forward into a tree. It snapped, crashing to the ground. "I know! I know that they might come! I know that you're all in danger! I know, and I-I can't change it now, and I wish I could, Rosalie, I really do!"

Both of us were panting as we glared at each other, a good five feet solidly planted between us. And for the first time, I felt like that space was literal. Like there was a rift between my sister and I – and it wouldn't be easy to mend.

She stared at me as I continued, needing to cover up the strange tension between us – a tension like we were strangers, meeting for the first time with immense distrust already built between us.

"The Volturi might come after us, I know that. And I'm sorry for all that I've done to bring that upon our family, Rosalie – you don't know just how sorry I am. But the fact remains that if it came down to it…if I had the actual choice all over again…I would have told Bella."

Rosalie reacted just as I had expected her to. No more flying limbs came my way: now it was a war of words. _You should! It's great and dandy if you know, but the fact remains that you did it anyway! How could anyone be as foolish as you, of High and Mighty Edward? _

I responded to her sarcasm with equal venom. "What more do you want me to say, Rosalie? I've said all you wanted and more. I've told you I was wrong – I repeat, I was _wrong_ – over and over, and still you demand more! What more can there _be_?"

"I-I don't know!" Suddenly, she seemed to deflate. Her eyes scrunched shut as she concentrated – I almost didn't realize what she was concentrating on until I heard her thoughts drift out towards me, like feathers caught in an irresistible updraft.

_Why does this human girl attract him so? What is it that's so special about her? What makes her better than me? _

It was a struggle to stop myself from laughing out loud. What was this, jealousy? No, something much less complicated – remembered insecurity. Rosalie's thoughts had been strikingly similar to this in the first years I had known her, before Emmett.

No, it wasn't that she wanted more from me than our brother-sister relationship. It was the shallow pangs that made her Rosalie: the need to be in the center of attention, the drive in her to be the most beautiful in the room, her insistence on being the most appealing female…

All of the things that made her shallow, stubborn Rosalie were reflected in those few little comments that she was trying desperately not to think. She knew that they weren't helping the situation to swing in her favor.

I stared at her for a long minute – until she opened her eyes, in fact. They met mine, glaring mutinously. _I know you heard. I can hardly help my thoughts. I hate it when you hear me. Go ahead, lord it over me that I'm jealous of a human. I really don't care._

"On the contrary, Rosalie," I answered, "I'd hardly want to 'lord it over you'." Despite her fears, I did understand. "I could care less, really, if you're jealous that you aren't in the center of attention in my point of view of life –." I struck a nerve. She hated that I knew what her inner fears were.

"I've heard it all before, Edward," she interrupted me, stomping forward angrily. "I know what you're going to tell me next and I don't want to hear it. Just watch yourself." She was up in my face, snarling her words now. I endured her words and matching thoughts, knowing I deserved someone berating me for my actions.

_Don't you dare let our secret be exposed to the world, Edward. If that girl says anything, you won't be able to worm your way out of this one!_ Why Rosalie thought I always managed to get away with things escaped me completely.

The only thing I could think of that I managed to keep myself out of were family activities – for the most part, at least – and not much else. I always made sure that if I did anything to jeopardize our family, I paid for it – hence my current situation of staring straight back into my sister's furious eyes.

If it wasn't for the fact that I knew I deserved retribution in some form, I would never have put up with Rosalie's nonsense. "Why would I want to 'worm' my way out of anything?" I replied rhetorically.

"Ugh!" _Goody two-shoes Edward is back, ladies and gentlemen!_ Rosalie's exclamation of annoyance burnt through her mind as she turned on her heel, storming away.

Our fight was on a brief hiatus. As soon as she was out of earshot, I groaned: this was only the beginning. I knew my sister: she would think venomous thoughts in a constant barrage for as long as she was furious with my decision. And Rosalie didn't change her mind easily.

My thirst was as quenched as it could be for the moment, so I began trudging back towards the house. I was only about halfway through the woods when a faint glimmer of thought reached me: Alice and Jasper had just come back within range of my abilities, heading home themselves.

I thought they were going back to the house together. Suddenly, however, Alice was muttering to herself – in her head, of course. _How dare she? If only we had been a few minutes earlier – but Rosalie knew how far Jasper and I were heading out tonight. Well, that's the last time I tell her something like that when she's mad at anyone!_

She was nearing my location. I frowned: couldn't anyone give me a few minutes' peace? I hadn't even begun thinking about the implications of Bella's decisions and words yet, one thing that I was ready to do to distract myself from my altercation with Rosalie.

I contemplated running back to the house, but immediately discounted it before Alice could think a word. Being in the house wouldn't daunt a determined Alice: she would go right ahead and say everything she wanted to, even if others would overhear her.

My only other option was to slow down my already-human speed walk and let her catch up to me. _Thank you, Edward. For a moment there, I thought I was going to have to chase you home._

Jasper was taking a different route around to the house, to offer us a little privacy. He sensed something sitting unpleasantly with his wife, and she told him it was something to do with Rosalie and me. From there, he needed no more explanation and desired none.

I waited patiently for several long minutes until Alice suddenly stepped out of the trees in front of me. Striding calmly to my side, she picked up the pace I had set with ease. _Are you all right?_ she asked, looking at my face with careful scrutiny.

Did she think I was as breakable as a human? I scoffed, "I'm certain that I'll have bruises tomorrow, Alice."

She pretended to be offended. "Oh, how tragic! Bruises! Your face will never look the same again!" _Your sarcasm is unnecessary, Edward. And I didn't mean physically fine: you knew that. _

"Then what did you mean?" I honestly didn't have a clue what she was talking about now.

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Mentally, Edward. How are you doing?" _You shouldn't blame yourself or feel guilty or anything that Rosalie has undoubtedly been getting you to feel and think. Bella may have found out about our secret, but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. _

She was hardly making sense. "But I might have ruined our lives if I trusted the wrong person. In fact, I shouldn't have told anyone anything, period. It was dangerous, and could have destroyed everything."

"I hardly think that one human girl would have destroyed everything, Edward," Alice sighed. _You know as well as I do that if Bella had decided to tell anyone, I would have seen it before she did. And who would even believe her, Edward? Really? _

"Stop that!" Irrational anger swelled, blocking out the calm shields I had managed to build up. She was telling me I had done the right thing, that I had nothing to feel sorry for…and I knew that she was wrong this time.

She was startled. "Stop what?" _I'm not doing anything!_

"Yes, you are! You're trying to make excuses for me, as if I hadn't done something potentially…disastrous!" She gaped for a long minute as I breathed heavily, feeling my flared nostrils and set mouth.

Then Alice shook her head, almost sadly. As if I had confirmed something, or done something wrong, myself. "No, Edward – you didn't do anything that you should have done differently." _This is how the future was meant to be. And it's perfect, Edward, it really is. _

Now she most definitely was not making sense. "I – Alice, I don't…what is that supposed to mean?" Frustration was less powerful than anger, but I still felt it sweeping me away from reason.

_You don't have to be so harsh, Edward. I'm trying to tell you the truth, and to help._ Alice was pouting: I sighed when she opened her mouth sullenly. "You told our secrets to a human girl who will keep them, Edward. She won't go off and tell other humans about our existence and the truth behind it."

"But she could have!" Why wouldn't Alice see that? Why was she refusing to?

"I know that, Edward!" Her tiny hands flew up in the air, gesturing wildly as she lost her cheerful composure. _Don't think I'm unintelligent or refusing to see the truth: I see more of it than you do! _"Everyone makes mistakes, but this wasn't one of them! Don't you see all the good that has already come of it?"

Oh no: not this again. "Let me guess – it has something to do with a particular four-letter word that none of you will let rest with me?"

_You do love her! Why won't you so much as admit it?_ "Oh, Edward," Alice sighed, letting her arms drop to her sides. Suddenly looking like such a picture of defeat, she managed to make me feel genuinely sorry that I wouldn't believe her. I actively refused and denied.

I moved forward, as close as I comfortably could without completely touching her, and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me, tiny face suddenly bright with insuppressible joy. _Hand! Shoulder!_

Sighing, I muttered, "It's hardly a cause for celebration, Alice."

_But it's more than nothing._ Alice argued complacently, her heart no longer into the battle of wills. It hadn't been much of one, but it was for the two of us. "I stand by my feelings, Edward. If you hadn't trusted her with this information tonight, think about this option: she would have dug for more. Elsewhere."

Puling away – reluctantly – from my hand, she darted off through the trees to make it the rest of the way home. But I was frozen where I had stopped walking, even though our feet had kept moving the entire walk home.

My mind was stuck on a more recent turn of events, which was the cause for my absent-minded halt. I had to admit, that as adverse as I was to Alice's opinions on my personal life and decisions, one outcome of the opposite choice created a resounding effect in my head.

There was no denying that Bella was persistent: she had tracked my secret all the way down, after all. So was Alice right – would she have kept it up if I had avoided her questions and convinced her that she was wrong?

What was I asking – of course Alice had to be correct! She saw the future, after all. And I had considered keeping the information from Bella: she must have seen it then, just as I made the choice to tell Bella everything that I could. And did.

My feet hit the porch with muffled thuds as I walked slowly towards the front door, deeply in conflicted turmoil. This latest thought was only one in a series of related chinks in the armor of my mind's organization. And this one even connected to the main one that bothered me: Bella's pursuit of knowledge.

As I walked into the relatively peaceful, calm front room of the house, I became aware of Emmett's presence in his and Rosalie's room. He had yet to see her: she was in the shower. So she didn't want him to know that she attacked me in the forest, did she?

I could care less. I didn't want Emmett to know, either: he would consider it purpose enough to engage in a wrestling match without my consent and approval. Against me.

Going along with Rosalie's wishes would be harder for me, however: I could hear Esme with her painting. My mother knew I was home. I had promised to play the piano. My eyes flickered back and forth between the instrument and the stairs.

I wanted nothing more than to go up those stairs and get myself clean for the next school day, which was rapidly approaching. The sun would rise within several hours, with plenty of time to spare for being alone until then.

And yet, I had promised my mother. And I never liked breaking my promises: I loathed breaking them. With a sigh, I knew what I had to do. Shaking a few twigs and leaves away from myself and to the floor, I strode towards the piano and sat down at the bench.

Before me, the vast array of keys was spread out, white and black polished perfection. I could feel a faint smile on my lips as I began playing Esme's favorite song. I had the song memorized by heart before I even played it for the first time.

From in the house around me, I could hear the various minds of my family tuning in to the music and listening closely. The melody poured through my fingertips and to the keys, blending perfectly with the harmony.

I almost sighed aloud in happiness. The serenity I felt from playing the piano – either to myself or for others – was always there. From the room she was enclosed in, I heard Esme come to a stop on her work and sit back, appreciating the music.

Playing my way straight through several different pieces, each one blending together before emerging as their own song, I spent an immeasurable amount of the night at the piano. I lost track of time, totally, and it was with some surprise that I heard my mother.

She had stepped out of her workroom and come into the large room. With her eyes fixed on the piano, I caught the image of myself in her mind – as with Carlisle's view of myself, there was something different in my eyes. Even I could see it, as it was happening.

And even though I knew precisely what I felt right now, I had no idea why my eyes seemed so different. What drew my attention more than her sight of myself was her passing thought. _Only two more hours before they have leave for school._

I wrapped up the ending notes of the song quickly and easily, looking up and across the piano to where my mother stood. Frowning, I murmured, "I hadn't realized the time was so far gone." Only two hours? That was hardly enough time for two CDs.

My mother smiled gently. "I know: I thought you had lost track of time."_ I know that you love your music – the kind you play so beautifully, and that which you listen to all alone up in your room. _She didn't seem to realize how her forehead creased at the last half of her comment.

I settled on, "Thank you," just as the finishing chords of music spilled from my fingers and the keys. The house fell into utter silence: the spell that my playing had cast over my family was broken with the completion of the final song.

Esme smiled widely. _Beautiful, Edward. _Then she noticed my appearance, rather abruptly, and sighed. _Oh, no: tell me that she didn't get the jump on you in the woods. Rosalie promised not to shout –._

"And that's really all," I interrupted smoothly. "It's only a few twigs and a little bit of dirt: I was just out hunting a little, Esme. Don't jump to conclusions: besides which, I'm completely fine. No one did anything to me." That I didn't deserve, I added silently.

My mother sighed heavily, but nodded. _All right. I'll buy your tale this time, Edward. But I don't want you or anyone else in this family to be fighting. Anywhere. That includes the forest or anywhere else you can think of. _

"Of course, Esme." I hadn't sought this out. Rosalie had come to me: I'd simply let her because I knew I deserved it. And none of that explanation would me fine by my mother, so I was content to keep them locked away. The oppressive silence left by the piano hung on the air as she didn't think anything more to me.

I heard my siblings moving around in their respective rooms, and Carlisle was heading down the hall to speak with Esme about one of the annoying, trivial matters of human currency that he was uncertain about: bills still had to be paid, and Esme knew a bit more about this particular account than he did.

Esme heard her husband coming and knew I was eager to escape to the safe haven of my room. "Thank you for playing, Edward." _I loved it. I love you, too, my son._ Her eyes were sparkling with some kind of sentimentality that I wanted to avoid.

"I'm glad you liked it, Esme." Running my hand over the keys tenderly one last time, I stood up from the piano bench. "If you'll excuse me…"I nodded my head to her as I began backing away from the instrument.

_Always such a gentleman,_ Esme thought nostalgically. She smiled and waved me on: gratefully, I turned around and made my away quickly up the stairs, intent on reaching my room and enjoying my last few hours of time alone, in the relatively peaceful quiet of my room.

I passed Carlisle on the second floor landing: he smiled and nodded towards me, but his mind was focused on the human trivialities that he was currently pondering. The rest of my path to my room was clear and void of any of my siblings' presences in the halls. Their minds were clear as I passed their rooms, however.

Rosalie was occupied with her wardrobe, hunting for an outfit to wear the next day. She was carefully avoiding thinking anything about me, Bella, or the fight in the woods. Her husband was sitting on the bed, and – surprisingly – not creating vivid daydreams about his wife for once.

Instead, Emmett was doing the homework he needed to complete for school. Jasper was in his study, also doing the homework he had put off. In three more minutes he would be done with all of it, plus an entire English essay.

But Alice was sitting in her room, looking at visions of the future. Bella featured predominantly in the flashing images: I barely contained a grimace and accompanying growl. She had no need to go looking into Bella's fate.

_Long, dark eyelashes frame a pair of vivid red irises. Her eyes are set in a pale, marble face sculpted to unimaginable beauty. An expression of happiness shines in her smile: her mouth is open, laughter spilling out. Her long hair is casually pulled up in a messy knot on the back of her head. _

_Reclining back on the cream-colored couch, she turns her head to see someone approaching – from the edges of the vision, out of range. The expression on her face grows ecstatic, gorgeous. She glows, stretching out a hand eagerly towards whoever is coming…_

My heart wrenched, painfully bringing my legs to sluggish movements. Alice didn't notice that I had slowed dramatically in the past second: she was too caught up in her visions. Thankful for her preoccupation, I forced myself to run to my room, slipping inside quickly.

Legs feeling like lead in water, I dragged myself to the stereo at my wall. I didn't want to give anyone in my family cause for concern: I had to act normal enough for them – even though my head felt like it was exploding. I flicked a switch, and a song –beginning with piano notes – came on.

Then I collapsed on my couch. The glimpse of a not-too distant future had faded before the person out of range could appear. Bella looked no older than she was now, possibly even the very same age. I couldn't know for sure: the vision had no sense of time to it.

But what were for sure were the conflicting feelings inside me at the sight of it. A large half of me had felt fear and horror at the sight. It wasn't that Bella looked so beautiful: it was what the beauty represented. Vampire. Inhumanly gorgeous: soulless.

Was that going to be Bella's fate? I had to wonder about it. No matter what decisions I made or how determined I was that Bella would never become a soulless monster like me, the facts were there. Alice had just now seen her as a vampire despite my decision that it would not be.

Didn't my choice count for anything? I wanted to shout it aloud. Why was everyone, everything, so determined to prove me wrong? Apparently I didn't know as much as I thought I did, and the thought scared me.

If I didn't actually know that my choices could change the future, then was I wrong about other things? If everyone else around me was so certain that they were right and I was wrong, could that actually be the case?

I realized something else then: since when was I always right? Suddenly, I saw how I had been thinking as if from an outsider's point of view. I was so certain that I was right that I had not bothered to consider the possibility that I wasn't. When did I become so arrogant?

Sitting up slowly on the couch, I gazed off blindly into the dimly rising outline of the sun behind clouds. The world was moving around outside, and I sat there, absorbing humility like a sponge. No, I wasn't always correct: I could be wrong. I wasn't often, but it wasn't impossible.

The mere realization that I had to come to a conclusion like this made me feel almost sick to my stomach. I didn't want to be that type of person, thinking – however inadvertently – that the world revolved around me. But it took something like uncertainty for my eyes to be opened.

I hadn't changed the future for Bella – yet. It wasn't set in stone, absolutely positive: Alice didn't know yet for certain that Bella would be a vampire. And if there was the possibility that I could be wrong…well, I didn't know what I would do about that, if the time came.

I didn't want this life for Bella. She deserved a normal, human life – not the type that she was being sucked into, inevitably. As if there was no other choice. I would do anything in my power to prevent her from having to live a soulless existence when it came down to it. I promised myself that.

But I still realized, acutely, that there were some things I had no control over, which were not within my ability to decide. And since I knew that I could not constantly be right, in everything, there was one more jump of logic that was a hard pill to swallow. I made it anyway.

I could be wrong about my stubborn belief that it was not love I felt for Bella.

Stifling a groan as I acknowledged the idea to myself, I proceeded to wonder why the thought didn't strike fear into my heart, or even a twinge of nervousness. Some kind of negative reaction was all I expected…

Instead, a strange sensation of relief burned through me like a wildfire. It startled me: relief just by recognizing the possibility that I felt differently than I thought? That didn't bode well for the quickly dimming thought that I did not feel this 'love' for Bella that my family believed so strongly…

My eyes flicked to the window: the sun was almost up. My room was bathed in a dim glow from outside. It was a necessary and very appreciated distraction from the brief realization that I was no longer willing to follow.

Acknowledging the possibility was one thing – but truth be told, I was scared of coming to full grips with all of it. Because if I was indeed wrong, and my family right, that meant so much more. Explained some little details that I had trouble overlooking. And ultimately brought up a question I did not want to ask myself.

I was on my feet and pacing, distracting myself from my own thoughts, only seconds later. With my mind attempting to focus completely on my feet, several long, struggling minutes ran n end with each other. I tried extremely hard to keep my mind away from Bella.

But it was nearly impossible. I could keep my mind off of myself, and my feelings for her, but every time I tried not to think about Bella herself, I found the struggle far too difficult. She was just there: a new constant in my life. One that I enjoyed having around greatly…

Soon enough, my mind had turned to the question of when I would see her again. We had school that day: only a little while left to wait. Surely I could wait in the parking lot again, meet her when she pulled into the parking lot…

A nagging feeling at the pit of my stomach told me that I didn't want to wait until then to see her. If anything, I wished that I had the ability to go back in time and watch her that night, sleeping peacefully. Who knows what she might have said in her sleep? I yearned to know, dismayed that I wouldn't.

I couldn't think of a way to get to her house before school. I doubted that I would escape any jibes from my siblings – or any more of Rosalie's anger – if I took a detour by her house. Sighing lightly, I resigned myself to waiting until we reached school.

From in her room, Alice's voice came floating towards me. _You could always pick her up from her house, Edward. Rosalie was going to demand that she drive her car anyway: her excuse will be that she doesn't want to ride in a car that smells of human. _

Perfect! I felt like growling and beaming at Rosalie, at the same time. I didn't like her thinking such derogatory things about Bella, but I had to admit that this offered the perfect opportunity to see Bella before school.

"Thank you, Alice," I called gently. My mind was buzzing with excitement. I couldn't help but feel happy about my morning plans. I heard Alice's trilling laugh, her mental reply, and heard her with both my mind and ears as she ran to spread the news to my siblings.

By the time I had changed and picked up my school bag, the plans were all set. Emmett and Rosalie were, of course, going together. And Jasper had preferred not to ride with a human in a tight, compact car. And Alice had chosen to ride with them as well so it would be only Bella and me.

Again divided, part of me wanted to thank him – and the other wanted to beg her to be in the car with me. I wouldn't be able to bear it if my instincts got the best of me when faced with Bella. As I walked down the stairs, the worry swimming in my mind, Alice appeared beside me with her own backpack.

_Don't worry so much. You recently fed. You have great control. And you can trust yourself, Edward. I promise you that._ Her encouragement was just that – encouraging – and I smiled down at her.

"You're certainly enthusiastic about this," I noted as she headed towards Rosalie's BMW. My other sister was already sitting behind the wheel, glaring resolutely forward. I could hear her murderous thoughts, of course, and knew that I had to prepare to be tackled out in the woods again, sometime soon.

"Yes, I am aren't I?" she giggled, slipping into her seat beside Jasper. Emmett was just folding himself into his own seat, as well. I watched as my siblings all compacted themselves into the car. _I'm happy for you. I hope that you realize we're right – or at least, will realize it soon._

I only nodded to her as I slipped into my own car. Skimming my hands gently over the steering wheel, I observed silently as Rosalie backed out sharply, turned with tight precision and disappeared in record time. She was furious, of course.

But as I reversed out of the garage, I found that I didn't care that much at all. I only wanted to see Bella, and I couldn't concentrate on much else. I did, however, note that Esme and Carlisle were standing on the front porch as I drove away.

Only faintly could I hear them, but it wasn't anything new. More thoughts about love – specifically, me and my lack or sudden gain of it – and anticipation of what the coming school day could possibly bring.

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**A/N – I'm not going to bother with a long A/N here, because I'm tired and I just want to post this. :) It's about 9:24 PM right now, and a Thursday. I have school tomorrow. So…yeah, I should be asleep right now because I have to get up around 5:00 AM tomorrow.**

**Plus, I have English homework. My teacher (a wonderful Mr. Martin) gave us back our "Fahrenheit 451" essays today. Which is good because I got a good grade on it! But I just thought I'd mention that because it's really funny how English is my favorite subject, always has my favorite teacher, and is always the class I struggle the most with. Odd, isn't it:) LOL.**

**Thanks for reading! **


	19. Arrival

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I was going to make the entire 'Twilight' chapter into this one chapter, but it would have been too long and would have taken me another week or so to write out. I decided to update for you and push the lunch conversation to the next chapter. Don't you love me? So...:) Enjoy!**

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_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Twenty: Arrival**

The closer I got to Bella's house, the more nervous I became. What would she think of me now that the sun was rising, and the sky bright with the promise of a new day? Who was I to show up at her home the morning after such a large confession on my part?

She had to be frightened of me by now. There was a whole night between the last moment she had seen me, and this morning. A whole night when I wasn't present to watch her: she could have come to any type of conclusion by now.

Anything might have come to mind the night before. She might have decided that I was crazy – or that she was. Maybe she wouldn't believe everything that I had told her. Was I even sure that she had believed me the night before? Of course I was…

If I had a beating heart, my pulse would have been pounding by the time I reached her street. I was a nervous wreck; my mind was coming up with every possibility in the book for why she wouldn't want to see me, and my hands were almost trembling over the steering wheel.

I pulled into the driveway, noticing absently that Chief Swan's cruiser was already gone. Not a single thought came from the house, yet I could hear a steadily beating heart from inside. Bella was awake and downstairs, from the sound of that beat.

Silently parking the car, I let myself relax in the absolute quiet and stillness of the foggy morning. The cloud cover was heavy for today – that was good. There was virtually no chance that any sun would have the opportunity to break through those clouds.

That was one thing that Bella wouldn't get to see today. A faint smile traced my lips as I remembered the previous evening, and all the questions I had answered coupled with those that I was sure she had yet to ask.

And just as quickly as the smile appeared on my face, it disappeared. This was so dangerous for Bella: I shouldn't have allowed myself to come. Even if – by some miracle – she wasn't frightened by my presence here, or my secret, who was I to let myself be near her?

She still didn't fully comprehend the danger that she was in. I could picture her face in my mind – see every little detail of it in my head. Her dark, deep eyes captivated me, even in my mind. Her eyes held such secrets behind them, simply because I couldn't hear what she thought.

The image of her face, so perfectly clear in my head, startled me. Until that moment, I had no idea that I had memorized her face so completely. Was there a purpose behind that?

Maybe I did care for her as much as my family believed…

My jaw clenched tight and I wished, desperately, that I could deny it with all the vehemence and certainty that had accompanied my refusals only a few weeks ago. As much as I fought it, and still was wary of the truth of it, I knew that there was no doubt about one thing in particular.

I did care about Bella. My determination to keep her alive, and these undeniable things I was noticing – her blush, her smile, her radiant face… – all of these little things told me clearly that it wasn't a neutral interest that kept her alive, by my hand. It was something with feeling and power behind it.

And this was something far beyond my ability to understand. The only possible name I had was that which was being thrust upon me. And it quickly seemed more and more probable, no matter how much I didn't like it.

My fingers tapped slightly on the steering wheel as I tried not to think about my personal problems anymore. My sleeve somehow caught my eye, but in seeing it, I remembered that Bella's jacket had been lost the night before – presumably still in Jessica's car.

I glanced out the window. It was foggy and cold outside: my family and I had dressed accordingly, of course. But Bella had no jacket. She would need one: she was only human. What could I do about that?

My eyes locked on my jacket sleeve again. It wasn't like I needed the jacket…and Bella needed the warmth much more than I ever would… Without pausing to think about it, I quickly slipped my jacket off my shoulders and draped it across the back of the passenger seat. Just in case…

I jumped when the front door of the Swan house opened. I had no forewarning through thought, and I was so used to paying attention to minds that I had been startled by her sudden appearance.

It took me several seemingly long seconds to realize that I was staring at Bella. Her back was to me, and I heard the distinct sound of metal on metal as she locked the door. In a dreamlike daze, I silently opened my car door, stepped out, and closed the door with a silent snap.

From this distance, it was harder to catch her scent – especially with the thick, foggy mist that hung heavy in the air. But I could still smell her on the front step, could still hear her smooth heartbeats, could almost see the waves of heart that rose off her warm, human body…

Closing my eyes, I forced myself to stand still next to my car. My imagination was almost running away with me: that was something I absolutely could not let happen. If I wanted to keep her safe from myself, I had to watch my thoughts every second I was around her. My imagination had to stay suppressed.

I didn't know how long my eyes stayed closed, and I attempted to control my breathing – allowing as little air in as possible, gradually increasing the volume as I grew accustomed to the intoxicating, torturous scent of Bella's blood.

My eyes only opened when her heart rate suddenly increased. Irrational fear flared in me: was there someone else here? Had something threatened her safety, a danger that I hadn't noticed because I wasn't paying attention while my focus was on myself, my control?

Nothing had happened. I noticed right away that Bella's eyes were fixed on my car, staring at it in amazement. Almost as if she didn't know why it was there…which she didn't. I hadn't exactly made this plan with her: it was spontaneous.

However, now was a perfect time to make my presence known. I was still uncertain of what her reaction would be, with me here at her house in the morning…after such a large secret had been revealed and acknowledged to her just mere hours before…

In my haste, I might have moved too fast for her to see: at the moment, I didn't care. My insides seemed to be twisted around each other in an unnatural, unprecedented anxiety that allowed me only to say, "Do you want to ride with me today?"

It took considerable effort for me to keep my voice steady, to keep my hand still on the door that I had opened just prior to my words. I watched her intently, half-hoping that she would refuse – if only for her safety, so that she didn't place herself in danger by being anywhere near me.

My short-lived, half-hope was in vain. "Yes, thank you." A faint red spread over her cheeks as she stepped forward. She passed very close by me, not seeming to notice that there was a vampire in her presence. Did she really not care in the slightest?

I knew that I moved faster than human eyes could see this time, as I darted around the car to the driver's side seat. The nervousness had never left: it was still in the pit of my stomach, trying to curl in on itself but not quite succeeding.

My eyes darted over to her as soon as I had sat down on my side. My fingers played briefly over the keys when I saw her eying the jacket. "I brought the jacket for you. I didn't want you to get or something," I offered in way of explanation.

Had I been forward in some way? My knowledge about rules like those was vague and foggy, in addition to being a hundred years old. And – like it or not – I was behaving in a way that was not entirely unlike a modern-day boyfriend might. And I didn't even want to venture into the realm of thought about _that_ subject…

"I'm not quite that delicate." I felt my heart sink for a minute – I had done something wrong then, after all – before it made an abrupt U-turn. Bella pulled the jacket into her lap, slipping her arms into the sleeves. How could so simple an action make me feel lighter than air for a moment?

Of course it was only for a short period of time as I started the car: I saw her tremble slightly, shivering from the cold, before raising the jacket to her face. She sniffed, as if coming down with a cold.

Whether she admitted it or not, she was just that delicate. "Aren't you?" Especially compared to me, Bella was a fragile, spun-crystal glass figurine, balancing precariously every second she was near me.

I knew that she shouldn't have heard what I said, which was the only reason I didn't add on more warnings. I could have given her all the warnings in the world, but I knew that if she hadn't listened already, there was very little chance that she ever would.

There was a tense, strained silence in the car as we drove through the cloud-hidden streets. The knot in my stomach curled tighter every second – was I supposed to be saying something to her? But no, we weren't truly a couple despite the strange semblance this scene could have carried to outsiders…

I wanted to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest, but it was there despite anything I tried. As time passed by and I sped down the roads, I began to wonder if it was there because there was such silence in the car.

Bella had been so questioning and headstrong last night – what had changed between now and then? She couldn't have been thinking too hard and come to the conclusion that this was a troubling secret she had learned. She had gotten in the car without a moment's hesitation, with a clear face and bright eyes – not hiding fear, which I would have smelled.

So what was it? I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye and saw her teeth, gently nipping at her lower lip. It was an unconscious motion, a habit that she knew nothing about – and one I had seen sometimes during class.

That was a habit of nervousness. I knew she wasn't scared of me – so was this about what to say? Did she feel the same awkwardness between us? And…did she want to do something about it? That had to be it.

I certainly hadn't known what to say, so I left the conversation up to her, unknowingly confident that she would have more questions she'd like to ask. But I had forgotten that this was Bella – she strongly disliked being in the center of attention, and she was undoubtedly shy.

She didn't know what to say. I would have to show her that it was all right – that she could say whatever she wanted. I knew that Rosalie would be most unhappy about my decision to allow her to ask more questions, but…Bella already knew the most dangerous secret.

What could a few more possibly do? Nothing that the major one couldn't already take care of on it's own… Ignoring my own trembling ball of anxiety, I turned my head to her and let a smirk drift over my face as I decided to gently tease her.

Teasing was good – it signified comfort around her. Hopefully, she would realize that was my intent. "What, no twenty questions today?"

Undeniable relief swamped her features and her tensed shoulders completely relaxed. "Do my questions bother you?" Apparently she had recognized the intention of my words was to help her feel at ease.

I decided to answer truthfully. "Not as much as your reactions do." And her actions were just as worrying as her responses. Almost everything about her made me anxious.

"Do I react badly?" She frowned, confused by my words.

Completely honest, I told her, "No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly – it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking," she argued. I felt like laughing: she expected me to believe that? Preposterous: I knew that she couldn't possibly tell me every little thing she was thinking.

"You edit," I accused bluntly.

A faint shimmering blush spread over her cheeks: I was right, then. "Not very much," she denied weakly.

But it was some, and it was enough. "Enough to drive me insane." I didn't consider stopping myself from continuing my thoughts out loud. Both of us were being candid this morning – but there were still so many secrets and things neither of us had, as of yet, revealed.

"You don't want to hear it." If I hadn't had incredibly sharp hearing, I wouldn't have heard her short, mumbled whisper.

I wanted to grasp her shoulders and demand that she tell me what that meant. What could it possibly mean? What was she thinking that she thought I wouldn't want to hear from her? There were so many things that could mean.

Did it mean that Rosalie was right – that I should never have told Bella anything about our family? Was she talking about that? She could have decided not to keep our secret, or that she didn't want anything to do with us after all – didn't want anything to do with me.

The thought caused a quiver of pain in my chest, my heart. Just because she didn't want me to hear her thoughts, that didn't mean that it was something utterly terrible. She was human, after all: they had a slightly different perspective on what was truly horrible and what wasn't.

It was a matter of perspective for them, and the current viewpoint at that. Things that would matter in the long run didn't seem as important to them until it was in the past. History truly repeats itself, after all.

So maybe Bella was just embarrassed at the idea of me hearing some thought of hers that she was ashamed of. It didn't necessarily have to involve my family or me if she didn't want me to hear it.

I was successfully calming my nerves as we pulled into the school parking lot. I had to keep reassuring myself that her hidden thoughts didn't always focus on me and my family's secret – but it was hard. The very possibility that she was keeping something from me that carried potential danger to my family was tormenting.

But Bella was also a welcome distraction from my thoughts. "Where's the rest of your family?" she asked curiously.

I wondered if she had noticed that we were alone in the car. As much as I didn't think it was wise for us to be alone together, two things allowed this exception. The first was that my family knew exactly where I was and would stop me if any danger became apparent.

The second was that it was undoubtedly safer for Bella to be alone with only one vampire, rather than five. "They took Rosalie's car." I parked next to it when I saw that there was a spot open. "Ostentatious, isn't it?" I knew they would be here already, but I was surprised that I didn't know where they were now. Alice would probably ambush me later: I put the thought out of my mind, preferring to focus on Bella.

Bella's eyes grew wide. "Um, wow. If she has _that_, why does she ride with you?" Her breathy whisper had me fighting a laugh: it was just a car. Material possessions meant very little to vampires.

Certainly, I liked my car very much – it went fast – but if it were somehow destroyed, I wouldn't mourn the loss. It was just a car. Bella's expression took me by surprise; I had forgotten how much stock humans put in physical items. "Like I said, it's ostentatious. We _try_ to blend in."

She opened her door and I followed suit, getting out of the car. I heard her voice addressing me. "You don't succeed." I smiled to myself. Of course we could never truly fit in: we were vampires in a human world, after all. "So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous?"

I held back a chuckle as I met her at the front of my car. "Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking _all_ the rules now." A faint pink tinged her cheeks as she began walking toward the school: I followed at her side.

She set an easy, slow pace, but I found that for once, I wasn't craving speed. This was also helped by my insistence on combating my inner monster: when her heart wasn't pounding a fast beat, it was easier to resist the urge to drink from her.

But Bella's scent was as sharp as always. And even a slow, calm walk beside her began to make me feel like I was stalking after prey as her scent wrapped around me in her wake. I was incredibly grateful that we were outside, in the fresh air. I took in great heaping lungfuls as much as I could.

Bella seemed to decide that she didn't like walking in silence. "Why do you have cars like that at all? If you're looking for privacy?"

I smirked: that would be the smart choice, but the heart of the problem was that I was, essentially, selfish. We all were, to let ourselves have these items and to flaunt them so dangerously. "An indulgence. We all like to drive fast."

She muttered under her breath, "Figures." I looked away from her, trying to keep my face carefully clear of any emotion. Did she already know that I was selfish, then? My actions toward her couldn't have proved that more thoroughly.

What else could my inability to leave her alone be labeled as _but_ selfish? There was that other, more frightening word that my family seemed to believe in far too strongly…but this was neither the time nor the place to contemplate that.

_You have to be kidding me. He gave her a ride to school? Oh my gosh, is that his jacket on her? _Jessica Stanley's mind wailed loud and clear. I tried not to wince at the volume – she didn't know that her excitement caused her thoughts to scream so loudly to me, but I was still annoyed with her for it.

She was waiting underneath the shelter of the cafeteria roof's overhang. With wide bug-eyes, the hormonal teenager stared at Bella and I as we approached. Her thoughts were filled with utter surprise and confusion.

_What is going on here? He showed up last night, and now this morning, both times around Bella?_ I wanted to take Bella by the arm and pull her away from the girl we were approaching – I did not like her thoughts at all. I never had, but especially didn't now that they were concerning Bella.

But we had to go to her – she had Bella's jacket. I wouldn't have minded allowing Bella the use of mine the whole day, but several things stood in my way. The first of them was the fact that it would cause more gossip – something I could have cared less about if not for Bella.

I didn't want to give anyone any reason whatsoever to talk about her in those vile, human teenager ways. Another one of my reasons, though, was that Bella knew nothing about the dislike Jessica really had for her.

It was so stupid and juvenile: the only reason behind Jessica's thoughts was me. I had never shown her even the slightest hint of friendliness and still, she pursued and hoped – vain thoughts that would never come true. But she refused to consider the possibility.

Bella knew nothing of this, and I had no intention to tell her. She probably wouldn't believe me – and honestly, there was no reason for me to tell her. What could come of it? Besides, she was happier thinking that Jessica was a true friend – I wouldn't begrudge her that.

I would, however, take great care to ensure that Jessica didn't hurt Bella, even if she didn't know I was protecting her. I watched Bella as she smiled gently – a photograph rather than a moving picture. As if she was just trying to be friendly…why was that? "Hey, Jessica. Thanks for remembering."

Jessica handed Bella the jacket without a word. Her eyes were wide and staring. _How in the world did she manage this? I've been here since I was born, and he moved here, and then she did, and now he's around her – oh, my head hurts! How could she attract him so easily? _

I knew that her thoughts would soon slip into jealousy: I decided to cut them off for at least a little while longer with a distraction. "Good morning, Jessica." I made sure to keep my eyes locked on hers, attempting the 'dazzling' that Bella had spoken of the night before.

"Er…hi." _Oh my…what's going on here? Why is he staring at me so hard? Has he finally noticed me?_ Not good. I didn't like the turn that he thoughts had taken and averted my gaze above her head, assuming that my attempts had failed. _No – he looked away! Of course he would, with all-new and interesting Bella beside him…_

Could I not manage to do the right thing? I suppressed a groan and forced myself to let things be – there was no use messing with her thoughts anymore. I would simply have to deal with them. "I guess I'll see you in Trig," she said to Bella. _You are so spilling all the dirt to me, Bella Swan. _

"Yeah, I'll see you then," Bella innocently, unknowingly, promised that she would talk to Jessica in class. I felt a swell of sympathy for her. Jessica turned and began to walk away – she looked back twice as she did.

_What could possibly be going on between them? I may want him, but I'm not stupid enough not to notice that there's something going on there. I can't believe that she showed up and bam! Edward Cullen's interest was caught. It's so unfair! I'm totally grilling her in class!_

_And what is going on between them, really? Are they dating and haven't told anyone? What could he possibly see in her besides a pretty face? Lauren and I are prettier – it can't be her looks. But what does she think about him, anyway? _

I wanted to shake my head in frustration – would she never give up? Instead, I looked back down at Bella. She had a frown marring her smooth forehead and I wondered what she could be thinking. But I knew what I wanted to ask her, and did so. "What are you going to tell her?" There was no way she hadn't noticed the look Jessica had given her while mentally commanding Bella to 'spill the dirt'.

The surprise that crossed her face startled me. "Hey, I thought you couldn't read my mind!" she hissed, eyebrow arching up.

"I can't." Why did she assume that? Wait – that was what she had been thinking about? I explained myself to Bella, knowing that she didn't understand yet. "However, I can read hers – she'll be waiting to ambush you in class."

Bella groaned – likely in annoyance – as she pulled off my jacket. I took it wordlessly, declining to pull it back on at the moment. Her scent was clinging to the fabric – it would be like torture to place it on, not to mention feel the heat from her body that was still encased in the fabric.

It was torture enough standing next to her – but to feel her very essence around me, soaking to my very skin? I would be able to control myself. Just the thought made venom flood my mouth, and I imperceptibly swallowed in order to ask, "So what are you going to tell her?"

"A little help? What does she want to know?" Bella pleaded. We began walking, heading toward her classroom – she was unconsciously leading the way again, showing me where to go. I followed like a moth to a flame, wanting to speak with her and having to follow so that I would be able to.

I shook my head, letting a smile break through. I was used to being asked for help from any member of my family – wanting to know what their mate said, or what was going on through someone else's head… I was the only one who could really give them that information.

And my family sometimes exploited it, to their own uses. I didn't mind – they were family, and the little things that caused any one member to come pleading to me for the help of insight often entertained me. "That's not fair."

"No, you not sharing what you know – now _that's_ not fair," she griped.

In a way, she was right. I had helped my family before, whenever they asked it of me. There was no real reason why I couldn't help her – she knew my ability, and knowing the questions that Jessica was likely to throw at her would definitely help her chances of showing up the other girl – even though Bella didn't realize that she would be.

I would tell her what Jessica wanted to know. Now the only question was how much of it I would tell her of Jessica's thoughts. There was only so much that I could tell her without having her see what kind of person Jessica really was.

As nice as the idea sounded to me, I knew that it wasn't the smartest choice of action on my part. I didn't want to hurt Bella in any way, no matter what Jessica was thinking behind her back. Telling her everything of Jessica's thoughts would definitely be hurtful.

That left a few options on my part. I had already decided to paraphrase – there was no other way to tell her what was going through her 'friend's' mind – but now I had to decide which parts to omit, and which to tell Bella.

We had been walking the whole time, as she led me to the building her class was in. Now, we were at the door to her first class. Many other students had stared at us along the way, but I paid them no mind. They were of no interest to me.

Finally, I came to my decision and looked down at Bella. Her innocent, naïve eyes met mine for a long moment before I told her, "She wants to know if we're secretly dating. And she wants to know how you feel about me."

There was an immediate increase in her pulse at the simple statements. I wasn't sure which one it was that worried her more: I was far to focused on not hurting her because of that steadily increasing beat. "Yikes. What should I say?"

Her expression was almost too innocent as she stared up at me. "Hmmm." I didn't know exactly what to tell her. Did she want me to tell her what to say, or was she just asking for what we could mutually agree upon? Did she think I cared, either way?

I did care – I didn't want her to be hurt by Jessica, and I wanted her to be happy. But what could I say to make her happy? What answer could I give to this stubborn, determined young woman who seemed so very intent on being around me despite my cautions?

Was it that simple? I suddenly reflected on the look in her eyes around me, the way she seemed drawn to me despite any words of wisdom that I tried to tell her…that attraction I felt towards her, the way I wanted to be near her even with my reservations…

Could I really tell her something so selfish? Something that made her bound to me a bit more strongly than anything else that we had encountered so far? Would she be surprised and pleased, or unhappy, if I told her what I was thinking?

I knew that I cared for Bella. More so than I had for anyone besides my family – I knew that I had to, or else I wouldn't be so intent on pursuing this something with Bella. I doubted the deep extent that my family claimed, of course, but I wasn't fool enough anymore to deny that there was a fixation.

Looking down to her again, I watched for a long moment, captivated, as a few stray hairs escaped her hairstyle. Something spurred my actions, nudged me into hesitantly reaching a hand toward her face.

My intent was to move that stray bit of hair back, away from her face. The monster inside of me growled low in anticipation, thirsting for the blood that flowed through her veins. Was I foolish, to attempt touching her?

I was certain that my control was barely in check, for I was so nervous that I would hurt her. I tried my hardest to move slowly, staying within the human parameters of speed.

This was almost a test of my control, I abruptly realized, as my fingers made contact with the stray lock of hair. I was touching her – not feeling her warmth, from her skin, but still in contact. And I wasn't tearing her apart.

The simple realization that I was behaving made my heart feel irrationally light. Gently, carefully, I nimbly twisted that small section of hair back into a twist at the base of her neck.

It was then that I struggled hardest – for my hand was so close to her throat. Her heart was pounding just underneath that thin, easily breakable flesh. I knew that all I had to do was move my hand forward, pulling her head towards me by the back of her neck, and her throat would be bare, exposed…

Her scent was more closely packed in the air around me, now that we were inside. I was nearly in pain from the effort it took to pull my hand away from her.

Thankfully, there was a distinct glaze in her eyes. She hadn't seen the hard look in my eyes, hadn't noticed the struggle that was taking place within me as I barely, gently, touched her for the first time. I was very grateful that this one time, she hadn't been perceptive.

And I had an answer for her. Carefully, I made sure she understood each word I was saying. "I suppose you could say yes to the first…" Her eyes widened, and I felt anxiety wind its way into my stomach. I was nervous as I added, "If you don't mind – it's easier than any other explanation."

Especially where Jessica was concerned… And the selfish part of me was shown again in that single answer – for if Bella told that to Jessica, that would only further solidify the idea that I did not and never would like her. It was an indirect show of spite to her annoying fantasies, one that only I would know the meaning of. A personal secret – more secrets, more lies. But I wasn't lying to myself this time…

Bella's throaty whisper captured my attention instantly. "I don't mind." She seemed to have trouble getting the words out.

A sense of relief swept through me, intensely strong. I had managed to say the right thing, thank goodness – but not for her. Her safety was in as much danger as ever – possibly more, if those words became fact rather than fiction.

I struggled with myself, wondering how she would take my next words. But my previous statement had turned out all right… "And as for her other question…well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself."

Her eyes widened, and her cheeks turned a slightly darker tinge of pink. It was mouthwatering – I covered my thirst with a smile, pushing the monster away and enjoying the moment. I had said the 'right' thing again, it seemed.

Turning around, I headed down the hall to get to my class. "I'll see you at lunch," I called over my shoulder, stealing a last glance behind me at her. Several students paused, and I heard their thoughts of stunned amazement as well as seeing the beginnings of darker color swelling on Bella's cheeks.

I made it around the corner, the smile that I had given her still clear on my face. Her blush, as tormenting as it was in combination with my bloodlust, was strangely beautiful and intoxicating in a different way than her scent…

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**A/N – I have a ton of Fanfictions going, and they all have more priority right now. If anyone here reads my other stories, they know that I go in cycles – updating the longest un-updated one first in a continuous cycle. I don't want to disappoint my other readers, so everything updates slow for me. And I try to do the best I can on every chapter. So please, understand that I want to give you frequent updates, but quality over quantity:) And I can't rule out my other readers, either. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	20. Interrogations

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N – I'll keep this short. I'm glad that you like the story, and I'm certain you'll be glad I updated. :) Enjoy!

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**_**Sunrise**_

**Chapter Twenty-One: Interrogations**

I had barely turned the corner when I heard the gleeful giggling coming from Alice's mind. _Oh, Edward, you are such the ladies' man! Didn't you ever realize your full potential, all these years of celibacy?_

Scowling, I changed my path: instead of heading to the car, as I had originally intended, I made a beeline to the picnic table where my sister was seated. Her thoughts drifted along in my head as I walked.

_Don't be so grumpy. I meant it, you know: you're doing all the right things where a relationship with Bella is concerned. She loves it, even if she doesn't realize that, either. Could she be that much like you? Not realizing what's right in front of her face? No, I think_ she _knows._

"Thank you for your insight, Alice," I grumbled as I came to a stop at the table. Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared down at her upturned face. From her position lying across the table, she had a nice view of the cloud-covered sky and my face, turned down to her in annoyance.

Although I was slightly irritated that she was involving herself with my 'love life' – newly emerging though it may be – I couldn't help but feel a swell of anxious joy.

I could only hold off from asking for so long. "Was I, really? Doing the right things, that is?" I tried my hardest not to look overly concerned about her answer, as if this was just a passing question. I failed miserably: I could see myself in her mind again, pathetic and needy.

_Oh, Edward…_ "Of course." Her eyebrows rose as she pulled her upper body up, and slid back so she could look more directly at my face. "You made her feel special, and cared for, and I know she enjoyed the ride to school – however quiet it might have been." _She liked you coming up to her classroom door, too._

I took a seat on one of the benches so Alice didn't have to crane her neck so much to see my face. "Are you sure?" I whispered, gazing off in the direction her classroom was in. "You can only see things – and I was there, I saw it all, too. But you didn't know what she was feeling, did you?"

_No, I didn't. But I do know body language, Edward. I know what she was thinking through that. It might just be a female thing, though, so don't go trying to invade her privacy through that, too!_ I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Alice, I know what body language is." I could hardly stop myself from rolling my eyes. Reading minds allowed me to pick up on many of the clues, and helped me to interpret them correctly in accordance with thoughts. Then again, every human was different…each had their own little habits.

Bella's lip chewing was brought to mind. I knew that as a nervous habit in many other people, but without her thoughts to back up my assumption, it was really only an educated guess.

Alice sighed, behind me on the tabletop. "There are things that every woman does subconsciously to get a male's attention, and things that they do knowingly, too." _There's a whole language out there that you don't know how to read, Edward, because you were never interested before. You never paid attention. _

Scowling again, I grumbled, "Plenty of females have thoughts that I pick up on. It's not that hard to connect to body language – and thus, avoid them." The talent had served me well in the early days of Jessica Stanley's advances.

"But that's not the same," she laughed; the tinkling tones echoed to the buildings. A few late students stared at her – and me – as they rushed to class. _This time, you're not trying to get rid of feminine advances. You're interested now, and you don't want her to back off or leave you alone._

My thought spilled out before I could stop myself. "But I should leave her alone."

"No." _Don't you ever say that again, Edward, or I will be forced to messily and mercilessly slaughter you. Then where would poor Bella be? Without her Edward for eternity. That's where. And I am not about to let that happen. _

She leapt down from the picnic table, easily slinging her bag over her shoulder. Pointing a finger at me as I followed suit, she did her best imitation of a furious glare. It was marred by the worry in her eyes. I sighed, looking away to avoid her eyes.

"Look at me, Edward." When I didn't comply, she huffed and continued on her vein anyway. "Don't sell yourself so short. You're a remarkable person, and Bella is lucky to have you there for her."_ That entire thing aside, you can't think that you should leave her alone. She needs you now: you need each other. And if that hadn't happened, I still stand by the conviction that you can't be alone for eternity. It's not healthy._

"I'm in perfectly good _health_ –."

"No, you're not. Physically, yes, considering what we are." _But mentally? Emotionally? You're a complete stranger to those aspects of your health, and you seriously need to work on them. Bella can help you. You need it. We all want to help you – but maybe only Bella can start the process._

I began to turn at a fork in our path, one that separated us as we headed to our different classes. I didn't want to hear any more, and glared at the stones underneath my feet as Alice's lecture continued.

She reached out and grasped my arm in a gentle – for Alice – grip. "You can't do everything alone. Sometimes people need help." _We all want to help you, Edward. None of us wants to lose our brother – or son – or in Bella's case, potential lover. _She released her grip on my arm.

Enough was enough. I was perfectly fine in every way, and my family's paranoia about me being suicidal was going far over the limit. I was fine and not suicidal. How many times could I think it, or say it, before someone would listen to me? And why couldn't they stop trying to push Bella at me?

But as I turned to throw my words uselessly at Alice, I discovered that she was already high-tailing it to her next class. _Oh, and you're both buying lunch today._ Of course she'd throw more information my way…

It wasn't worth racing after her just to get the last word in – and I was going to be late for my class if I didn't hurry to my car. I headed as quickly as I could in that direction.

I didn't want to carry around my jacket with me for the rest of the day. Bella's scent still clung to it, more stubbornly than should be possible. Tossing it into the backseat, I turned around to head to my first period – and the bell rang.

I was going to be tardy. Moaning in exasperation, I strode quickly in the direction of my classroom, thinking as I went.

I could let the issue with Alice drop – but that wasn't me. I never could just let things go, like they had never happened. I suspected it was because of my age: I may have been a vampire, but I was still a teenager. Stubborn to a fault: but not as bad as Rosalie could be…

My feet carried me into the classroom where I began to count down the minutes until third period…

* * *

The time it took for those two class periods to end was excruciatingly painful. I had never known that there was such torture that had as of yet been untapped: school's monotony was horrid enough, but the endless waiting was terrible in its own right.

I made my way along the walkway with absurd speed and ease, dodging around humans and easing through the doors without a single thought truly reaching me. Making my way to the car, I reached into the back for the jacket I had abandoned there that morning.

An idea had come to my mind when I was in class, anxiously waiting to leave. If I was in my third period class, I wouldn't be able to hear Bella – however, I didn't have to go to class.

Opting to skip third period was hardly a terrible offense in comparison to everything else that I had done, as a vampire. Snatching the jacket and leaving the car behind, I focused on the building – where Bella was just now entering the door to her Trigonometry classroom.

Watching her walk through the door, I slunk around the side of the gym. Glancing around quickly, I made sure that no one was watching: everyone was concentrating on making their way to their next class. I was clear: no one saw me.

Wary of the amount of time I had, I edged back farther into my corner. As if in response to my trapped position, my muscles tensed as I prepared to make a break for it. I waited for a long moment before taking a sharp breath and darting out of my hiding spot.

I already knew where I was going. The outside wall of Bella's classroom was – thankfully – out of view of any other buildings. And besides – who would look on the roof, anyway? As far as anyone knew, I was just ditching class and most likely would hide out in my car. Why would I go to the roof?

I smiled to myself as I easily scaled the wall, at a speed far too fast for human eyes. No one would think to look on the roof. There was no way to reach it – even the janitors never ascended to that height. I would be out of sight if I moved a little bit higher on the roof. But the open window was still close enough that I could hear the verbal conversations around the room just as well as the thoughts.

Spreading out the jacket on the chosen spot, I folded my legs and sat, cross-legged. Now all I had to do was listen for Jessica's voice, and I would understand everything that was taking place between her and my Bella in the classroom below.

Closing my eyes as if in mediation, I slowly allowed myself to be lost in the sea of thought that swirled endlessly below my very body. Snippets of conversation floated around in my head, but the moment I caught wind of the unmistakable tone that was Jessica's, I tried to concentrate on it alone.

_…Bella. And how long does it take a girl to reach her seat? I'd swear she was trying not to talk to me if I didn't know better. Oh – no, she can't possibly guess that I like Edward, too! Didn't I give her enough of a hint on the first day – wait, what if she doesn't believe me? Just because he talked to her…_

She was wound up in herself, of course. And I could see Bella in her mind as Jessica contemplated what each move could mean. There was only so much imagination the Stanley girl could use in this situation, and unfortunately, she seemed intent on dragging out gossip from Bella.

She has to tell me something that I can pass on to Lauren. I know that she'll be interested in this, too. "Tell me everything!" I heard Jessica's words floating out from the window. She wasn't actually shouting, but to my hearing it was loud enough to be just that.

"What do you want to know?" Bella's sweet voice followed her 'friends'. I tensed, waiting for the conversation to begin.

_What can I ask first? Oh, I know! _"What happened last night?" _Was that a setup? Did she use Angela and me? Oh, the nerve of her! Of course she must have! She didn't even shop with us – now it makes sense. _

I frowned. No, that didn't make sense. "He bought me dinner, and then he drove me home." I found myself nodding when Bella replied. Of course that was all – why would Jessica think she had the right to assume differently?

_Fine. Well, if she won't fess up to it…Oh, what was that question I wanted to ask last night? _"How did you get home so fast?" _That's it. _

"He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying." I frowned again. I did not! How could she say that? I drove fast, yes, and maybe she had been scared…but that didn't mean I drove crazily… She was just a human, questioning a vampire's ability to control a car. I shook my head: oh, Bella…

_She's certainly not being very informative. 'Drives like a maniac'…he's a god! However he drove would be fine with me! And – _"Was it like a date – did you tell him to meet you there?"_ Might as well come out and ask it…_

"No – I was _very_ surprised to see him there." Jessica's thoughts turned snippy again.

_I'm so sure of that. Please. She has to be lying – why else would he show up there? Around her, for that matter? And she must have pinned him into giving her a ride to school…_"But he picked you up for school today?"

"Yes – that was a surprise, too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night." She knew that I noticed? Right after I thought it, I wanted to hit myself: of course she had! I'd mentioned it that morning!

_Well, I knew he was great. But why is he interested in Bella? What's so horrible with me – I showed interest, and she ignored him for over a month! Oh – does playing hard to get actually work? That's so unfair. I didn't get to try that. But how far is this going to go, with her and Edward? _"So are you going out again?"

I frowned to myself. I hadn't thought that finding her in Port Angeles and giving her a ride home counted as 'going out' at all. I had simply saved her from a group of disgusting, inhumane men. Or maybe giving her a ride to school counted? I felt like moaning: I needed Alice's help, now, when she wasn't here to freely offer her comments.

Maybe that was what she meant – since everyone in my family was so stubbornly single-minded. But apparently, Bella, too, had thought the same as Jessica. "He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks my truck isn't up to it – does that count?"

"Yes."_ Not fair. So completely, totally, absolutely unfair! How did Bella get the single, hot Cullen to get interested? This is completely unfair! She's so going to gloat over this. She's going to be over the top happy and rub it in my face! Thank goodness she doesn't know: she can't rub it in too hard if she doesn't know. _

As if I had ever even shown the slightest hint of interest… I felt like rolling my eyes. And a swelling bubble of happiness welled up in me upon hearing Bella's answer. "Well, then, yes."

_Okay. Don't show her that it smarts. _"W-o-w. Edward Cullen." _He's a catch, even if she has to be the one that caught him. _

"I know." My eyes blinked open when I heard her answer. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Did that mean she thought the same as Jessica – or was she on a different wavelength, thinking that Jessica's words had meant something else? I wished that I knew.

_There comes the gloating. And – oh my gosh. _"Wait! Has he kissed you?"_ Oh, please, don't let that have happened yet…_

Her voice came out lower, a mere mumble that could have conveyed disappointment. "No. It's not like that."

_There is a god! Oh, this means I still have a chance! _I snorted. Not in an eternity, Jessica Stanley… _But she's disappointed about that. Oh, too bad poor baby Bella. You might not have him – but I might still have a chance! Oh no, what about their next…'date'? _"Do you think Saturday…?"

I knew that Bella would interpret Jessica's hopeful tone as happiness for her friend, instead of what it really was: the misguided, vain hope that she would still get what she wanted. "I really doubt it." There was distinct discontent in Bella's voice.

_Too bad, honey. You might not get him – but that's fine, because it might be me instead. Score! But what did they talk about? Oh if they talked about something serious then that's not a good sign: she might have misinterpreted him. _"What did you talk about?"

"I don't know, Jess, lots of stuff. We talked about the English essay a little." I snorted into my fist. That was one way to bend the truth. At most, it had been a passing comment. But I did appreciate Bella's realization that she had to keep just what we had discussed a secret. I hadn't doubted her, of course, but I was worried for a minute.

_That isn't good enough! I need more information to piece things together myself! And I have to have some gossip for Lauren – this is too big for me not to have something on. _"Please, Bella. Give me some details."

"Well…okay, I've got one." I listened more intently, wondering what she could possibly be considering. Would she make up a tale to placate her friend? "You should have seen the waitress flirting with him – it was over the top. But he didn't pay any attention to her at all." What?

_Oh. He doesn't respond to older women? There goes the plan to act more mature. That lasted all of a millisecond the first time, of course, but still – there was hope in that one. Damn. _"That's a very good sign. Was she pretty?" _I bet so. He doesn't seem to care about pretty girls, especially since he's never paid attention to me. _

"Very – and probably nineteen or twenty." This was new. I had known that the waitress was acting in a…less than professional manner, but I hadn't cared. And I thought that Bella hadn't noticed – apparently she had.

_It can't mean anything. I mean, I flirted all the time, and I'm definitely beautiful. He doesn't care about looks even if he's drop-dead hot. But I might as well give Bella a bone to chew on. _"Even better. He must like you."

My heart swelled at her answer, but sunk after she continued talking. "I _think_ so, but it's hard to tell. He's always so cryptic." I may have kept secrets from her – and not told her everything, keeping back as much as possible – but I didn't think it bothered her too much. Now she knew the reason for some of my secrecy – but I still seemed guarded?

_Why? Why does God hate me? This is so unfair. She's getting closer to him – I can tell! He's never let anyone but his family close enough to even tell that he's cryptic! What could they have been talking about? I know that I've never approached him to get close enough to talk, but still! _"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him."

"Why?" She sounded genuinely surprised. I smiled to myself: she knew exactly what I was, and wondered 'why'? Then again, there had to be something wrong with her: humans were naturally wary of vampires, based on an instinct that didn't tell them what they were facing.

_She really needs to ask? Is she blind? He's so hot! Any hot guy is hard to talk to – well, not that much for me, because I am too. But there's something different about the Cullen's Especially that big Emmett guy. _"He's so…intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him."

"I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him." I barely noticed that: I wondered if she was making that up. She seemed well enough talking to me – unless I 'dazzled' her, of course. But I hadn't done that very much…

_Whatever you say, Bella. _"Oh, well. He _is_ unbelievably gorgeous."_ That makes it more than 'worth it' to be anywhere near him. If he just talked to me, at all…that would be so great!_ Note to self: avoid speaking to Jessica Stanley as much as possible, for my sanity.

I thought that Bella would have left it alone: maybe she thought it too. But to my surprise, I heard her defensive tone as she answered, "There's more to him than that."

_Oh? More to him where, Bella? And how can anything else even matter? He's hot: end of story. _"Really? Like what?"

I grew worried for Bella's sake. I knew that she probably meant how I was so much more than human – accurate, given that I was a vampire. But she had been caught in her words, and I knew she'd have to make something up quickly. "I can't explain it right…but he's even more unbelievable _behind_ the face."

_What in the world…? Bella has definitely been reading some kind of romance novel lately. She is just not normal, at all. No smart teenage girl thinks of 'behind the face'. What does Edward Cullen see in her? _"Is that _possible_?"

I very strongly disliked the way she was treating Bella right now, but there was nothing I could do about it from my current position. As seconds wore on, and the teacher stood at the front doing his job, I waited for Bella to answer. It took me a minute to realize that she wasn't going to.

Jessica realized it, too. _Oh no. She is not cutting me off here! I still need a bit more dirt to throw to Lauren! _"So you like him, then?" _Understatement of the century, no duh! _

I knew that the brief hesitation was because she knew I was present – or at least listening. "Yes." A smile stretched over my face at the verbal confirmation. I couldn't explain to myself why that made me so happy, but it did.

_This is so irritating! Come on, Bella – I know you want to gloat about this! I need the dirt! Tell me! _"I mean, do you _really_ like him?"

"Yes." And Jessica's mind broke out in squeals.

_Look at that blush! What's she hiding now? I need more dirt – ooh, I know. _"How _much_ do you like him?"

I caught a glimpse of Bella's glaringly red face through Jessica's mind as she hissed, "Too much. More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that." I heard their teacher call Jessica's name, and was thus spared the results of that conversation in her annoying teenage mind.

But my mind was busy with questions and concerns.

I waited around for the rest of the class period – trying vainly not to concentrate on everything that I had heard, and attempting to see if Bella said anything more. But the girls never resumed their conversation, and I heard Bella's voice first when Jessica was able to turn to her once more.

"In English, Mike asked me if you said anything about Monday night."

I knew just enough about Bella to know that was a distraction. She didn't want to resume the conversation: I knew instinctively that it was because of my assumed presence. Jessica and Bella headed out of the classroom together discussing Mike Newton.

My teeth ground together at the thought of him, but it wasn't as if I could change the topic of discussion. And I didn't follow them, or remove myself from my perch, as everyone walked about on the grounds below.

Instead, I leaned back on my hands. The roof wasn't dirty in the slightest: the perpetual rain of Forks was enough to assure that there was no dirt, dust or mildew buildup, since so much rain came through to wash away everything that was there before a downpour.

Now that I was alone, I had time to think about all that I had heard. And thus, my thoughts made their way into the repetitive, endless cycles that spun around in my head at a dizzying pace. The curse of a vampire brain: the ability to multitask – to the extreme.

Eventually, I knew the bell was going to ring in several minutes. I had a little bit of time to drop by the attendance office – I'd have to formulate an excuse, of course… I created one as I ran to yet another secluded space with no prying eyes, and then made my way to the office.

The door made a squeak as I entered the building. Mrs. Cope was flustered –as always – as I excused myself from my past two classes by claiming that my father had needed me to come to the hospital quickly for a family matter.

And, as always, the woman was charmed by the physical abilities all vampires were able to use, and excused me without even a note from my father about said 'emergency'.

As I was turning to leave, I caught a glimpse of the local paper lying open on her desk. The weather section stared up at me, and my eyes immediately roved to Saturday.

Ninety percent chance of sun, no clouds…

Well, that was not good. I couldn't go with Bella to Seattle if there was no cloud cover. I couldn't walk out into the open sunlight for everyone to see. I felt uneasy at the thought of having to tell Bella we couldn't go – I didn't want to disappoint her. I knew she wanted to.

Maybe…our plans could change. We might be able to put off Seattle until next weekend. My heart swelled with hope. I was sure that Bella would be reasonable: I had told her that the sun affected me, even if it caused no pain. Surely she would be fine with a change in plans…

But would it be better for us to spend the day together out of the sun, somewhere else? Or should I just cancel the plans altogether? That would be better for her safety, but was it really what I wanted to do? I knew the answer to that: no. I wanted to spend time with her.

I scoured my mind for possibilities for a quick moment and came up with nothing. Nothing except my usual destination during sunny days, the one place I went to be by myself. The meadow.

Instantly, I was bombarding myself with questions. Would she like the meadow, as I did? Would she be frightened by the sunlight touching my skin? What if I couldn't control myself, so far out there in the woods – alone with her for the day?

All the 'what if's' came rushing back to mind: I didn't know the answers to any of them. The best I could do was pose my question to her later, and pray that she made a safer choice – to spend the day without me, rather than alone with me, far from civilization.

When I came out of the office, it was with the knowledge that the bell was going to ring very soon. I paused for a moment, wondering where I could go, before deciding it was best to just head over to a spot where I could wait for Bella.

And as I was walking, I returned to the last thing I had heard Bella say. _"Too much. More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that."_ And I returned to the same conclusion I had drawn up before.

How could she think that? How could she not see that all I had done – a month of ignoring her, of forcing myself to stay away, and keeping her alive? What did she think that was for? Her safety. Her life. And that was much more important to me than my happiness or fulfilling my own selfish wants.

I cared deeply for Bella: otherwise, why would I have expended so much effort to keep her safe? I knew that I cared about her – to what extent, I wasn't certain. But to even suggest that she…more than I did…and I didn't know what to think. What I should have thought.

What I did think was that she was wrong. Very wrong. And I didn't see how she couldn't understand that.

The bell rang. Leaning against the wall outside her classroom, I tried to mold my face into a neutral, blank mask as other students began milling about. People still took notice, even though they skirted around me and tried not to look in my direction.

Jessica and Bella came out of the classroom. Bella took one look at my face, and I saw something akin to resignation flash across her face. She had noticed my emotions, even though I was trying to hide them.

Jessica's eyes drifted to me, too, but I made certain not to let my eyes anywhere near hers. I locked them on Bella, and made sure that Jessica could see that. The sooner she got over the idea, the better.

_Damn. He won't look away from her. How am I supposed to get my chance when he won't so much as look at me? This is so unfair. Fine, whatever – maybe I can make him think that Bella was talking about him in class. Maybe it'll scare him away from her. _"See you later, Bella."

The heavy implications of her tone kindled the desire in me to bore it into her mind that I was not, had never been, and would never be interested in her. Instead of following through with my desire, I opted for greeting Bella.

"Hello." I wondered what she could pick out of my tone. I knew everything I felt, but I had to wonder if she'd worry about why I was reacting this way to her conversation with Jessica. I didn't want to hurt her, but I also was hurt by her words, as little as that part was.

She was almost shy as she replied, "Hi." It wasn't quite shyness, however, but more wariness about saying too much. Well, she'd certainly said enough already today. And I wanted her to say more, so that I could explain myself to her, too.

But right here wasn't the place, and right now wasn't the time. I began walking with her, as she came up beside me, and we headed toward the cafeteria. I remembered Alice's parting comment, and led the way into the lunch line.

I was sure that she, too, could feel the staring eyes of the student population of Forks. It was ridiculous, the way they were so fascinated by something that was really none of their business. Adolescent humans were so predictably immature.

Except for the exception that stood beside me in the lunch line: Bella followed me through the line as I snatched a few food items, filling the tray. Thinking of Port Angeles, I grabbed a Coke for Bella. To my surprise, the food-laden tray seemed to aggravate Bella even more than the staring eyes of her peers.

"What are you doing? You're not getting all that for me?" One of her eyebrows rose dubiously and she regarded me with a blushing, wide-eyed stare. I tried to hold back a large smile from taking over my face, but it certainly wasn't easy.

I may have been a vampire, but I had a reputation to keep up among the human population of Forks – just like my siblings, and my parents. Teasingly, I replied, "Half is for me, of course."

She didn't say anything else after that, and I paid for the food quickly with a simple nod to the cafeteria woman. The account my father filled for my siblings and myself paid for all our food, as we never actually brought lunches. It was too more of a hassle than we wanted, carrying food around all day until lunch.

Once we had made our way through the line, I – once again – led Bella to our destination. This time, it was the cafeteria table that we had sat at together, before. She took a seat across from me, eyeing the full tray.

The look in her eyes wasn't one of hunger, but I knew that she had to be hungry. "Take whatever you want." I darted a glance over to my siblings, seated at what used to be our table, a short distance away.

Alice gave me a wink. _You're doing fine._ I hadn't doubted myself this time, but apparently I was always in need of encouragement. Rolling my eyes, I returned my gaze to Bella as she said, "I'm curious." Picking up an apple, she asked, "What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?"

I grimaced: human food, disgusting. "You're always curious." If only she knew: a single mouthful of any of that would have to be regurgitated later on. There was a reason we never ate revolting food not meant for the blood drinking undead.

There was something that bothered me with the way Bella watched me so intently right then. It was as if I were a side-who freak, performing a trick for her delight as I stretched me hand forward, snatched the slice of pizza and lifted it to my mouth.

Her eyes were wide as she watched me bite into the repulsive human food. Her stare irritated me for the same bizarre sideshow reason, and I swallowed quickly, desiring to no longer be a spectacle. "If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?" My tone was rather condescending, but I could have cared less at the moment.

Bella's next action – to wrinkle her nose in sudden remembrance – was surprising. "I did once…on a dare. It wasn't so bad." There was something so typically 'Bella' in those few words.

"I suppose I'm not surprised." She was the type of girl not to be bothered by other's opinions, even if she was shy. Shyness didn't necessarily mean that she cared very much what others thought of her, but rather that she was uncertain of her standing with them. Considering what she had said about her mind before, I had a feeling that the second part of that thought was much more accurate.

_Edward – laughing? Edward Cullen, laughing? And it's because of Bella. She totally has him in her pocket – this is so unfair!_

Could I never e free of her irksome thoughts? But Bella was once again unarmed against what would undoubtedly add up to another assault by her so-called friend. However…I could warn her. "Jessica is analyzing everything I do – she'll break it down for you later."

The mere thought of Jessica Stanley brought back memories of the conversation that she and Bella had shared during Trigonometry. And still, I could barely believe what I had heard from Bella.

She looked away from me, down to the tray of food. Dropping the apple, she picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite. Immediately, my train of thought derailed: was she insane?

I had just bitten into that slice. There had to be venom on the edge, not very much – but even a little bit would be enough. My heart was seized in a sudden, irrational panic as I waited for her to…to what?

Collapse suddenly, in pain as the fires of the change spread through her? No, as far as I knew she wasn't cut or harmed internally at all. There was even the possibility that there was no venom clinging to the edges of that food she had just ingested. I was just being paranoid.

Calming myself down took a steady moment of work, and as soon as I was back to myself – without Jasper's help – I knew I had to say something, to start this conversation going in the right direction. I cast my mind around for the first comment I could throw, and landed on one.

Lightly, nonchalant, I casually asked, "So the waitress was pretty, was she?"

"You really didn't notice?" Her tone was equally as placid and poised as mine. She knew I was going to dance around the topic I wished desperately to discuss. Bella was amazingly perceptive, after all.

"No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." A whole lot more than a silly human woman…no, not even a woman. Bella – now Bella was a woman, mature and interesting beyond measure. That waitress was a petty creature, not worth my attention especially with Bella present.

"Poor girl." She didn't sound like she meant that; it was more 'something to say' in response to my reply. She was also trying to keep the conversation light and neutral.

I wasn't going to be deterred, however. We had to discuss this at some point. I lowered my head slightly; I was gambling for the 'dazzling' that could get Bella to tell me what I wanted to hear from her mind. "Something you said to Jessica…well, it bothers me."

My influence wasn't working very well: she wasn't looking directly at me, not seeming to notice that her eyes weren't quite fixed on mine. "I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers."

"I warned you I would be listening." And I knew what she was doing: how could she think that distractions were possible right now? They weren't. I wouldn't let her keep this topic at bay for much longer.

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking." What could she possibly be worried about me knowing? She knew a secret of mine that could place everyone I loved in danger: did she think I would find anything she thought not worth keeping secret? Too trivial?

That wasn't true: I would never betray something that she told me to anyone else. It wasn't my place, just as it wasn't hers to tell anything that I had allowed her to know. I was sure that she had to realize that sometime.

For the moment, however, all I could do was subtly reassure her. At this present point in time, though, I had something to focus on… "You did. You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking – everything. I just wish…that you wouldn't be thinking some things."

I couldn't think of a more accurate way to express myself to her. But she scowled, not liking my words. "That's quite a distinction." Indeed. It had to be clear for me to get my point to her.

"But that's really not the point at the moment," I added. The point was one specific little thing that she had said, one that bothered me greatly.

"Then what is?" She leaned forward, cupping her throat with her hand. My hands were clasped under my chin: I tightened them, an infinitesimally small movement that was invisible to the human eye. With no blood flowing in my veins, the fact that I should have been white-knuckled would escape her.

I kept my eyes locked on hers, instead of allowing them to drift just where her hand was touching. That would have spelled disaster for my control. I concentrated on the young woman in front of me, instead of allowing the thoughts of others around us to distract me.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" My voice was a bare murmur, but it was still caught by vampire ears almost halfway across the room. _What did he just say?_ – seemed to be the shared thought among my siblings.

Alice was the only one thinking differently. _Well, this is rather entertaining. A new twist on the classic argument of 'I love you more than you love me': only you, Edward. Although, I have to say that it's about equal – the attraction between you two, that is – even if I adore how you're trying to assert your dominance in this particular situation…_

I attempted to ignore her, already frustrated with my sister's thoughts. I was helped when Bella tore her eyes away from mine to look down at the table. "You're doing it again."

My eyes widened. "What?" Had I said something out loud? But no, her words wouldn't make sense to what I had said – and I wasn't even thinking anything that I wanted to say.

"Dazzling me." That's what she was talking about?

"Oh." I was, quite frankly, startled on two counts. The first, that she had once again managed to notice I was trying to get her to say what was on her mind – and second, the fact was that I hadn't been trying to 'dazzle' this time. I didn't like either of those things very much.

"It's not your fault. You can't help it." I bit my tongue, feeling guilty. Of course I could help it. I knew exactly what I was doing – except just now, of course. That was rather puzzling in and of itself.

I didn't like that. And abruptly, I realized that she was delaying her response. "Are you going to answer the question?"

Her eyes angled downwards again, back to the tabletop. I had barely realized that they'd risen in the past few minutes – before they were once again out of my sight. "Yes."

Couldn't she just answer plainly? No more dancing around the answer? "Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really do think that?"

"Yes, I really think that."

And finally, I had my answer. It was the one that I knew she would give me, since she had told Jessica it was what she thought. I knew that she had said it before, and this was just a secondary confirmation. So…why was it so startling? I didn't know what to say. And I didn't understand her actions: why was she looking down again? What was she thinking – what was she _feeling_, for that matter?

_Do you need me to spell this one out for you, too, Edward?_ At Alice's murmur, I found I had another option and took it: glancing up, I found my sister's eyes from across the room. A single nod of my head told her that I want help.

This time, I needed help. I knew it, and I was just thankful that Alice knew it, too. I had literally no experience, and I desperately needed just a hint, a glimpse, of what was happening in Bella's mind. Alice could provide that for me…

_I can't believe I'm helping you cheat. Well, okay, yes I can. Come on, Edward, use logic here – she essentially just confessed to you that she has strong feelings towards you, but she doesn't think you return them. How would you feel if you opened your heart up like that?_

Of course! That was an easy enough conclusion to reach, one that I should have spotted immediately. I knew she had to be embarrassed now, and that I had to make it better. I just didn't know how.

_Talk to her, Edward. Say something._

What could I say? I observed her mostly still frame, taking in the tension laced through her shoulders. Her eyes were fixed on the table, lashes fluttering as her eyes roamed and traced the faux wood laminate.

My disbelief and frustration with Bella ebbed. I knew that her thought was completely, utterly incorrect and misguided. But she didn't know – and she wouldn't until I informed her of such. "You're wrong," I murmured, my voice gentle. How could I be frustrated with her now?

Her eyes stole up to look at mine: they were wide, uncertain. "You can't know that." She shook her head, denying my claim.

There was a spark of hope in her eyes that made me much more quick to reply than before. "What makes you think so?" I wished – futilely – that I could hear what was happening in her head at that moment.

She stared back at me, seeming to think. Time dragged on, and on…up until I realized that her eyes were unfocused. A glaze had stolen over them as I was watching her, trying to pick up any hint of the inner workings of her mind.

I began scowling almost immediately, frustrated with myself. Had I dazzled her again? Had I pushed her a little too hard for the answers I was desperate to seek? Or, perversely, had she decided to try and fudge the details of her thoughts?

Suddenly, she moved her hand away from her neck. Holding up a single digit, she gently said, "Let me think." So she was trying to come up with a way to tell me just what she wanted me to know from her thoughts, after all.

That was fine, for now. I couldn't push her too much, or too often, for I was sure that she would begin to resist. Bella wasn't the type of girl to arbitrarily share everything happening in her head with a mind-reading vampire, of all beings.

I forced myself to let emotion drift away from my face and adopted an air of patience – or at least tried to. My eyes followed her every movement as time ticked by: her hands coming together, palm to palm, then her fingers twining and untwisting over and over…

Her voice startled me: the motion of her hands mesmerized me. "Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…I can't be sure – _I_ don't know how to read minds – but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else."

I could hardly breathe for a moment: I was so stunned. I hadn't even realized until it came out of her mouth that yes, I was. I had been trying to prepare myself to leave for as long as I had known her. After all, she was in such danger around me: it would be far safer for her if I did 'say goodbye'.

_Edward Anthony Masen…are you actually doing that? _Alice's faint thought from across the cafeteria reached me far better than the rest of the population's irrelevant chatter.

I didn't mean to answer Alice's inquiry along with Bella's, but I did just by whispering me reply to the human girl. "Perceptive." _Will nothing I say get through your thick skull, brother? Why do you persist in thinking so many things that are untrue?_

I blocked her out of my head by focusing on Bella. This was my time with her, not my short, outspoken sister. "That's exactly why you're wrong, though –," I began to tell her, before a sudden flash of memory drew me out of my words. "What do you mean, 'the obvious'?" I didn't understand.

My eyes grew more narrowed as she looked at me with an innocent, puzzled frown. "Well, look at me. I'm absolutely ordinary – well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." She waved a hand at me dismissively.

As if this were quite plain, and clear to see… I could hardly believe what she was telling me. I knew Bella was shy, but for her to think at physical differences caused any impact on my feelings, whatsoever, was completely shocking. Was she also lacking in self-esteem, then?

It was quite an accomplishment on my part that I didn't look her body up and down at that moment to prove my point to myself. I might have been alone for over a hundred years, but I was not completely blind to the world around me, to other beings.

Bella was, without a doubt, a beautiful young woman, but that wasn't the singular thing about her that attracted me. And, looking into her eyes, I could tell that she didn't know just how gorgeous she could be considered – was, in fact, considered.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit you're dead-on about the bad things…but you didn't hear what ever human male in this school was thinking on your first day." I chuckled blackly to myself: 'bad things'…oh, if only she knew the half of it. Then she'd run away, screaming in terror. A part of me still prayed for that, since she would dash off to safety…

An expression of disbelief stole over her face upon my words. "I don't believe it…" she mumbled to herself.

"Trust me just this once – you are the opposite of ordinary." Bella was definitely not like anyone else.

There was a flash of something that I liked in her eyes, but before I could name it, embarrassment took its place. A faint crimson spot appeared on each cheek, and I could tell that she hurriedly shot back a response. "But I'm not saying goodbye."

And so we were back to this…"Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it –," This was harder than I thought it would be to say. Of course there was more than one option concerning the 'us' comprised of Bella and I, but there was only one that I could say.

Really, there was only one that I _wanted_ to tell her. "– If leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe." Or I could stay and doom her…but I had a feeling that if I said that out loud, her reaction would be utterly unpredictable.

"And you don't think I would do the same?"

There was no doubt in my mind that she believed what she was saying, but I knew better. "You'd never have to make the choice." I couldn't think of any situation possible for her to follow through on her words. She was in more danger than I, for certain.

A smile appeared on my face with some effort. I didn't truly feel like smiling, but I wanted to return to less serious conversation – at least for a moment. "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence."

"No one has tried to do me in today." Almost as soon as she said it, I saw a flicker of emotion pass over her face. But it wasn't one I recognized. I wondered what she was thinking.

But instead of asking that question, I built on her words, adding, "Yet."

"Yet," she replied.

My teasing hadn't quite lightened the mood. Our words served to remind me of the danger she had faced in Port Angeles. The reminder of that complex, straining evening reminded me of several other things in a quick chain of succession that ultimately led to the trip she was planning for Seattle.

That reminded me very clearly of the weather report. My family and I needed daily news to know what temperature to dress ourselves according to, but in addition to that, we also needed to know whether the sun would shine or not. Alice was a handy weathergirl, most of the time.

But I hadn't the mind to ask her about the temperature on Saturday. I had, however, chanced that glance at a weather report when I went in to the office earlier that day. There was a nearly ninety-percent chance of sun.

I couldn't go to Seattle with Bella while the sun shone. It was simply out of the question. And I didn't want Bella going to Seattle alone. I was almost at loss of what to do, before I remembered something else Bella and I had spoken about.

She had been curious about my appearance in the sunlight. There would be sunlight on Saturday…I could show her, if she was still curious. Only if she wanted to, of course… "I have another question for you."

I tried my hardest to keep my expression and tone casual, and it seemed to have worked. Bella looked mildly curious at what my question would be. "Shoot."

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?"

She made a face, for some reason. "You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet. It's your fault he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to the prom with him."

I smiled: that had been a fairly hilarious encounter. "Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me – I just really wanted to watch your face." Laughing, I teasingly asked, "If I'd asked you, would you have turned _me_ down?"

Surprisingly, she didn't make a joke or laugh. Instead, a slight crease appeared between her eyebrows, as she answered, "Probably not. But I would have canceled later – faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

My eyebrows rose. "Why would you do that?"

She shook her head, the faint red turning darker. "You've never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand."

Her clumsiness? She would refuse to go to a dance because of clumsiness? "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?"

"Obviously." Bella said it so matter-of-fact, like she had long ago accepted her klutziness to the point where it wasn't even a laughing matter. It just was. It made me wonder what kinds of accidents this girl had gotten herself into in her younger years.

But our talk of dancing and dances left me at a slight loss. What would she think if I had asked her to the dance? She'd already given me an answer, that was true, but for some reason I couldn't help but wonder at a real one.

I wondered if I'd ever have the mindset to want to take her to anything even remotely resembling a date. And the question led me in a loop back to our original plans to head to Seattle: I got back on track.

"That wouldn't be a problem. It's all in the leading," I told her in response to the comments about dancing. "But you never told me – are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"I'm open to alternatives – but I do have a favor to ask," she cautioned. It was almost as if she thought that I wouldn't like what she had to ask. Why was that?

Nevertheless, I was wary of the open-ended question and what it could possibly be. "What?"

"Can I drive?" No.

Several other things happened at once. My siblings snorted in amusement, blasting me with very similar statments: _There's no way…it's never going to happen…ask Edward to give up driving for even a minute? No possibility of that ever happening…_

And, alone in my mind, the only thing I could think was that 'no'.

Of course, that wasn't what came out of my mouth. Even as I thought "no", I had to wonder what she was asking. And how she could possibly ask me not to drive. "Why?" I frowned: it was harder than I thought it would be to say anything other than no, but I managed.

Bella began speaking slightly faster than normal. If I hadn't had vampire hearing, I might not have been able to catch what she was saying.

"Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he _will_ ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily."

As if that weren't enough, she paused for a split second before continuing sheepishly, "And also, because your driving frightens me."

My siblings were getting a kick out of _this_. I tried my hardest not to laugh incredulously. My driving? "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." Rolling my eyes took half a second, and then I was able to focus on the second half of what she had told me.

And then I gained a more serious composure. I could hardly believe what she had said. "Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?"

The monster inside of me purred at the thought of me, alone with Bella for a day…and no one knowing where we were. Her own father not knowing that his daughter was out with a monster that wanted nothing more than to drink her dry…

I knew, in a moment of perfect clarity, that if Bella were allowed to come anywhere with me, alone, the temptation stood a much, much stronger chance of overpowering me. I couldn't let her keep this a secret from anyone. The more people who knew, the better chance I would be able to remember and control myself.

But Bella didn't seem to understand that. "With Charlie, less is always more. Where are we going, anyway?"

In a way, I was glad that Bella didn't realize what danger she was in. It made it so much easier to really believe that she was still innocent of all the horror in the world, even if she knew of my vampiric status.

I paid more attention to her question, then, and answered as candidly as I thought possible at the moment. "The weather will be nice, so I'll be staying out of the public eye…and you can stay with me, if you'd like to."

"And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" She was excited: her eyes had lit up, sparkling gently in anticipation. There was something wrong with this woman – but in the end, I would know that I was right when I proved to her the danger in everything about myself that she seemed to find interesting.

"Yes. But if you don't want to be…alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size." I was being very truthful to her today.

My words miffed her and she straightened her back, indignant. "Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle – just in population. In physical size –."

I cut her off. "But apparently, your number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me." I met her eyes squarely, trying my best to make her see that I was just looking out for her.

Bella met my eyes squarely, seeming intent on getting something through my head. "As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you."

She was stating the obvious there. "I know. You should tell Charlie, though." I prayed that she'd heed my warning.

"Why in the world would I do that?" She was seriously confused by my request? My anger increased as I realized that she didn't fully comprehend what was going on in the world around her. She didn't understand how much danger she was in near me.

And that meant I hadn't proved my point well enough. Angrily, I snapped, "To give me some small incentive to bring you back."

My fists clenched together again as muscles bobbed on her neck: she had swallowed. But she wasn't afraid…and she told me with a straight face, "I think I'll take my chances."

Angrily, I looked away from her, towards the table beneath my elbows. Was there no reasoning with her? She was far too persistent for her own good. I had told her so much about myself, but how had she failed to realize that she was in danger just being near me?

Obviously I hadn't done quite as well as I wanted to.

Bella noticed my mood, for her tone was gentle as she requested, "Let's talk about something else."

"What do you want to talk about?" More impossible situations, like her saving me instead of the inverse? Or did she want to prove herself even more foolhardy than wanting to be alone with me?

I waited for a long minute for her to say something, but I couldn't make myself look at her – at least, not yet. A sudden burst of thought from my family's lunch table caught me unaware.

_Edward, why don't you say something to her? I never thought my little brother would be such a prudish wimp…_

_She is enjoying herself, even if you are talking about some rather un-lunch related topics…_

_Ugh, why is she looking this way? Edward, get her eyes back to you. _

_Her eyes are so deep, but such a dark brown. Bella, do you know who you might become? You've done so much already._

I shot a quick glance in the direction of my family's table. Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie were looking towards me, their thoughts still on the same track. Emmett would pay for his thoughts later… 'prudish wimp', was I? I scowled in his direction, earning myself a fleeting wink.

But Alice wasn't looking at me…I followed her gaze to Bella.

Their eyes were locked. Why? I wondered what was going through Bella's mind as she abruptly tore her eyes away and they landed on me. "Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend…to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."

She was missing something very obvious: I would have expected Bella, of all humans, to guess the correct answer first. I watched her face, waiting for it to come, and wasn't disappointed when sudden understanding dawned. "Bears?" she gasped. "You know, bears are not in season," she quickly added, sounding dazed.

I tried my hardest to keep my smirk from turning to a full-blown smile upon a realization that sprung forth at that moment. I could use this to my advantage…Bella didn't comprehend just how dangerous we were, but she fully understood the dangers of wild animals.

So why not give her a little comparison, a little taste of just what a monster I truly was? Then she'd know to be more careful, she would know that I was a danger to her. My heart ached at the thought, but I persisted with this new plan. "If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons."

"Bears?" Bella whimpered, eyes wide and startled. She looked so dumbstruck: I hoped that she had gotten the point by now.

Nevertheless, I couldn't resist starting my revenge on Emmett. He really knew how to push my buttons, make it easy to find a suitable action to infuriate him. "Grizzly is Emmett's favorite."

It was grizzlies that got him into the vampire world in the first place, due to that disastrous hunting experience. He enjoyed the sport of taking them down now, but there was a hint of revenge whenever he did. And he knew I was mocking him with my words.

Bella murmured, "Hmmm." I waited patiently for an insight to her mind as she bit off another slice of the – contaminated – pizza, then the Coke. Honestly… But I was sure that she had to have realized, by now, that I was supremely dangerous.

When Bella finally looked up, there was a forced expression of disinterest on her face. "So… What's your favorite?"

She hadn't understood, had she? Not in the least. I tried my hardest not to scowl angrily, but I couldn't help frowning a little bit. Raising an eyebrow, I told her, "Mountain lion."

"Ah." Her eyes flew back to her drink, and she did her best to keep up an uninterested façade. Two could play at that game, then: I mirrored her tone as I tried to give her more information, hoping that this time, I would receive a glimpse into her thoughts.

"Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators – ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?"

I smiled, hoping to make it seem like I was joking: the instinct came before I could quell it. I was well aware of the gruesomeness of my words, even if I was determined that she be scared of what I was saying. This was a tricky little business, indeed. I wanted – yet didn't want – to scare her away from me…

She mumbled distractedly, "Where indeed."

Was she even really listening? I threw in another double-edged sword: teasing Emmett and trying to scare Bella. "Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season – they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable."

"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," she agreed with a fake, earnest tone. I couldn't help but laugh.

And then I succumbed to what I had wanted to ask the first time. It seemed like my attempts to scare her were failing miserably, and I wanted to know what was really going through her mind. "Tell me what you're really thinking, please."

"I'm trying to picture it – but I can't. How do you hunt a bear without weapons?" That didn't make me happy at all. How could she want to visualize the horror? She should have been trying to keep those thoughts away. They were made of material for nightmares.

But then again, this was another chance to scare her. "Oh, we have weapons," I told her, flashing my teeth as proof. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting."

Just like I had hoped, her eyes darted to Emmett and she couldn't suppress a shudder the wracked her body for a brief moment. I doubted she even realized how large her shiver actually was.

I followed her gaze a few moments later, enjoying the snappishness of Emmett's thoughts, directed at me. He knew I had been mocking him by telling Bella about the grizzly fixation. I had, essentially, used him to scare Bella.

And I knew I would receive quite a bit of hell later from all of them for this decision, but I found that I could care less at the moment. If Bella were scared away from me, she would be safe.

A part of me still hoped and prayed for that, while the other hated it: controlling those feelings were the person inside me and the monster, in that order. She could only be safe without me anywhere near her: and the part of me that wanted her safe was the one that wanted her close to me out of concern.

When I chuckled to myself, at the irony of that, Bella turned her gaze back to me, unnerved. "Are you like a bear, too?" Still there was no fear.

"More like the lion, or so they tell me. Perhaps our preferences are indicative." I tried to keep my tone and voice light. Obviously, she was determined not to be scared today.

"Perhaps. Is that something I might get to see?" The image flashed through my mind, the monster in me creating it.

Bella, out there in the woods with me…her brown eyes widening in sudden terror as I turned my gaze from a formless, unattractive prey…her lips opening in a scream of terror as I was suddenly by her side, darting to her throat like a cobra…her warm blood, so rich and –.

"Absolutely not!" Fury erupted in me: at myself for considering it, for wanting it, for not leaving Bella alone in the first place… She was truly naïve in all that made up my world. She didn't understand what any of what I had told her really meant.

I was perilously close to failing my self-imposed job of keeping her safe. And she seemed determined not to let my complete my task, to allow me success.

How could she even consider asking a question like that? She truly did not understand what danger she was in. She didn't know the least important fact about vampires – even as I had risked my family, our life, to tell her, it was still amounting to nothing if she didn't understand.

Her face whitened at my sharp, stabbing words and she leaned away from the table. Even doing so didn't manage to quell the supernatural draw of her suddenly pounding heart, the disappearance of blood on her cheeks that – if possible – taunted the thirst in my even more…

I folded my arms tightly, willing them not to move towards her and the attractive fear that caused her scent to strengthen. For a long, long moment, I grappled my thirst into submission.

Thankfully, my siblings remained at their lunch table despite the emptiness of the cafeteria. They were there to stop me if need be. I knew that they could keep me from killing Bella, and the information was enough to send the monster inside me slinking back in anger.

The thirst was still as strong as ever, but I could control myself. I didn't have to kill Bella. But, to my disgust, the monster simply began making plans to take her later. For now, though…it was enough.

As if she knew, somehow, that I was now more under control, Bella breathed out, "Too scary for me?"

"If that were it, I would take you out tonight. You _need_ a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you." I meant every word I said.

"Then why?" And she was far too curious for her own good.

I couldn't tell her here. I didn't want my family to be around for this conversation. I needed to tell her without fear of my siblings chewing me out on my words at home. I had already given them enough ammo for the day.

And I didn't know how much longer I could stand sitting her, across from Bella. I needed to move, if only for a little while: to get out of the room, and let fresh air hit my face to clear out some of Bella's scent.

The bell for out next class was also going to ring. Saved by the bell…I assumed that it never had been truer for Bella than it was now. "Later." I stood, perhaps moving a bit too close to vampire speed: but there were hardly any humans in the cafeteria at the moment.

Bella glanced around, her eyes widening as she realized that most of the cafeteria was empty. She jumped up, snatching her back off the back of her chair. And then she gave me a serious look that – for a moment – had me frozen, pinned under those serious brown eyes.

"Later, then." A seal of promise was behind those two simple words. She meant it, and I had no doubt in my mind that she would remember to ask me, sometime today.

Later.

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**A/N – And there you go:) I hope you liked the chapter! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	21. Lethargic

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – Chapters One through Five have been REDONE. They are now better. IMPORTANT NOTE AT BOTTOM PLEASE READ IT THANKS. **

**Enjoy:)

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**Chapter Twenty-Two: Lethargic**

Our path to Biology was unobstructed by the presence of humans. I was grateful for the lack of close-at-hand blood other than Bella's: it was hard enough to resist her, and that was just her smell. The addition of heartbeats – not scent – made it more difficult to keep up my normal front.

Bella knew that I was, by no means, 'normal'. She didn't know just how difficult it was to walk beside her on the way to class, however, and she didn't realize that I was fighting every step of the way. I was fighting the draw of her blood, and my memories of our extremely recent lunch conversation. I didn't want to think about that right now…

I was grateful for the breeze that took the brunt of her scent away from my face. There was plenty of temptation remaining, but with the edge taken off, I could relax just a little bit more by her side.

When we entered the classroom, I felt oddly pinned under the gaze of the human eyes in the room. If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was because they could sense I wasn't human and wondered what I was doing anywhere near this relatively innocent young woman.

It was an absurd paranoia, of course. I could clearly hear every word that went through their minds as Bella and I took our seats at our table. I could practically hear the rumor mill starting as I sat in my seat rather close beside Bella.

Angling my chair away from her like I used to would be rude of me. Besides, her heart was constantly pounding next to me all class period, anyway: what did it matter if I sat close beside her or not? I had to exert the same amount of control as always.

She was shy and quiet again, not saying a word as soon as we had taken our seats. I didn't mind – it allowed me to make my breaths shallower, since I didn't need the air to speak or breathe. Only out of habit did I keep my air circulation going.

Almost as soon as we were seated, the instructor came out with an ancient TV and VCR on a metal cart. _This video should keep them occupied for a few class periods. That should give me enough time to grade all of those tests I haven't gotten to yet…_

I relaxed back in my seat, preparing for a class period of monotony while the students began buzzing in excitement at the prospect of doing virtually nothing all class. Beside me, Bella, too, eased back in her chair, her eyes fixed on Mr. Banner as he hit the light switch.

As the room was plunged into darkness around me, I felt the oddest tingling sensation in my fingers. The scent of Bella's blood was the same potency as ever – but with the lights off, there was something so much more intense about it.

I didn't understand why I was suddenly so much more aware of Bella sitting beside me. The longing for her blood was increased exponentially, due to the fact that in the dark, 'deprived' of my sight, my hearing grew sharper.

I could always hear her heart beating. But now, it was pounding in my ears, thrumming that gentle tune that I was learning belonged solely to her. No one else matched her heartbeat, her rhythm of breathing… and sitting beside her did nothing to help me block it out.

Even more frightening a prospect was the odd sensation in my fingers. An unfamiliar ache grew in the pit of my stomach, and without realizing my own intentions; I suddenly found my gaze locked on the silky curve of her neck – visible by my vampire eyes even if it had been a completely moonless night.

Locking my hands tightly against my body, I willed myself not to move so much as an inch. My head hadn't moved at all, for I was staring at her through my peripheral vision, but I had to wonder if she could feel the weight of my gaze upon her.

There was an intense longing in me to touch her…but that had to be the monster in me. The monster that thirsted for the sweet blood that rushed through her veins that, even now, were causing a delicate blush to appear on her cheeks.

I blinked. She was blushing? Why was she blushing? Only my vampire eyes could have seen that in the darkness, especially since the television screen had yet to display the opening credits.

Her posture also confused me: her hands were clenched in fists under her arms, and her back was perfectly straight. It was a very familiar position…and I realized, suddenly, that I was seated the same way.

But there was no way she felt what I did – was there? I reevaluated the longing: was it possible that I was mistaken about where it was coming from? The similarities between us at the moment were far too many to dismiss arbitrarily.

When the opening credits scrolled across the screen, providing a little bit of light, I saw Bella's eyes finally move – and they locked with mine. She stared for a minute before a shy smile spread over her face. She'd obviously noticed that I was seated exactly like her.

I returned the gesture, trying very hard to keep my eyes on her face. Her throat was simply too alluring for my sanity… She looked away from me, seeming to concentrate on the film showing at the front of the room. However, her eyes were far too glazed over to really be seeing anything.

I tried to turn my eyes away from her, but it was a losing battle. I could not tear my eyes away from her, no matter how much it tortured my grip on my control. Everything inside of me, apart from the part that wanted her blood desperately, wanted to keep my eyes on Bella.

After all this time, and all I had come to acknowledge within myself, I knew that denying I felt at least 'affection' for Bella was preposterous. It wasn't an aching need that I felt, or a semi-unconscious note of Bella whenever I saw her.

This was something intense yet gentle, painful but refreshing, attractive and cautioning… I didn't fully know what to make of all my emotions, as I had proven to myself time and again. There was just too much in my head and no place to let it out, make it distant memory instead of recent occurrence…

I thought it all and then some as I watched that beautiful girl beside me as an inane human video ran its course. I watched her even as I knew that someone had to notice that I wasn't paying attention, as my paranoia made me think that a human had to have noticed by now.

And I watched her even as I knew that it was dangerous to my control. It was dangerous for me to keep my eyes so closely locked on Bella, when I knew that even watching her profile gave me far too good a glimpse at the pale expanse of throat she had unknowingly exposed.

It wasn't just her neck that drew something out of me, but her face. The tingling in my fingertips didn't lessen the whole time we were still and quiet beside each other that class. If anything, it grew much stronger, the more time that passed.

And I had named it, shocking myself with my own revelation. I knew what it was: the longing to sweep my hand over her face, delicately brush her cheek…in some way, some gentle, careful way, I had begun longing to touch her since the lights went off in our Biology classroom. And I didn't know quite what to make of that alien longing.

When class was finally over, neither of us had moved so much as an inch from our rigid postures. I took that to mean that Bella, too, had felt something. What she had felt, I didn't know. But I knew that this had definitely not been a normal class.

"Well, that was interesting," I murmured to myself. Somehow, I knew that she, too, would hear me. I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. She had to have noticed something odd during this class period, too – hadn't she?

Her answering, "Umm," was more of an answer than she realized.

I knew that she had to get to her next class, but I was hardly able to get to mine. The past hour had been a constant, worrying battle for control and I didn't think I would be able to hold myself together for very long if I went into my next class.

Resolving to skip my next period, I decided to walk Bella to hers. It wasn't like there was anything I could learn in Spanish that I hadn't already. "Shall we?" I rose to my feet.

Bella took a little bit longer than she should have in standing. Her movements were slow, eerily precise and careful. It was a clear sign that she had felt the bizarre tension laced between the two of us during the class period.

Another steady silence lay between us as we walked. I watched her inconspicuously, striding along quietly at my side. It wasn't exactly hard to do: I was taller than Bella, and therefore easily able to glance down at her without her notice.

I almost smiled to myself as I realized we were already falling into a routine – and immediately after, I straightened my face, trying to force an expression of nothing on my face.

What was I thinking? There was nothing good about a routine between us: it only showed that Bella could get comfortable around me. That wasn't good for her continued health and definitely not for my sanity, if more periods like the last were to come.

Bella deserved everything and more, and if she became used to my presence in her life I would only disrupt it. And in addition to our growing 'friendship', there were the growing feelings that I knew lay inside me.

Especially a particular little nagging that made my hand itch and burn uncontrollably, longing to reach out to the side just a few inches and touch her…on the cheek, on the arm, her throat even…

Bella abruptly came to a stop and I realized that we were outside of the gym. She turned around, her dark brown eyes meeting mine with a careful, neutrally warm expression. The instant she fully saw my face, something changed on her face.

The corners of her lips pulled down, and a faint crease appeared between her eyebrows. She searched my eyes for something, most likely a hint as to what I was thinking. I knew, then, that she could see through any semblance of a mask I might have managed to keep on.

Her lips parted for a brief moment – probably to say a few parting words – but nothing escaped her lips. She didn't manage to say anything, and instead stared at me. Her eyes searched my face – and before I knew it, my hand was moving up.

I realized it was moving in time to slow it down – perhaps too much. I couldn't exactly stop myself from moving, and I knew that it was a very bad idea…but I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to, too much.

And my fingers gently, carefully traced a thin line along the length of her cheekbone.

Her skin was so warm that it felt like I was brushing my fingertips against a fire. Nevertheless, I didn't want to pull my hand away. I wanted, more than anything, to keep the contact, to keep my fingers against her burning skin…

But I couldn't. Already, it seemed like I had almost gone too far. I almost feel her heart from where I had brushed her, and I could hear it far too clearly. Her heart was creating a rushing, staccato beat, brought on from how the touch had probably been a surprise to her.

I knew that I had to leave, to put distance between Bella and myself. The mere knowledge that she had that warm, rich blood rushing through her veins was enough to make venom pool in my mouth – much less, actually hearing it.

There was a silent apology in my eyes as I turned away from her, quickly striding away to attain that distance. I wouldn't have been able to think of any words to say if I had stayed.

When I was definitely out of sight of the gym, I paused, slowing my steps. Her heartbeat was no longer audible, and there was fresh air out here to keep her scent from swirling around me. I could think again.

Now I had to ask myself where I was going to go. I couldn't make myself go back to the car yet: I'd be there soon enough – taking Bella home from school. My stomach twisted eagerly at that memory, and in anticipation of the car ride.

I wanted to talk to her again. I wanted to learn more about her. My chance would come in the car after school. There was already some stockpiled conversation topics that I hoped we'd be able to reach – mainly, all the questions I had for her.

There was so much about Bella's past that I didn't know. I was curious about her childhood, about her life…about her. What made Bella, Bella, was her past, and I wanted to know about it. The curiosity would prevail someday – but I figured that I had to let her ask a few more questions first.

Thinking of questions with Bella brought back an answer she'd given me earlier during lunch. Bella's comment about seeing her in gym…I knew that Bella was a tad bit clumsy, due to Alice more than actual witnessing of events. But I wanted to actually see it for myself.

She seemed to perfect in every little way that I bothered to notice. She was a kind, caring, and genuinely compassionate person. I couldn't imagine Bella being bad at anything. Someone with a soul as pure and untarnished as hers couldn't possibly be less than perfect.

That being said…I now wondered what she was like in gym. Glancing around, I noted the emptiness of the walkway I was on and knew that I should go somewhere and hide. The question was – hide where?

Grinning to myself, I spun on my heel and headed back to the gym. I knew exactly where I was going to go, and I knew a nice little corner on the opposite side of the gym that would allow me to hide from anyone who was walking around the campus.

And also allow me to listen to the thoughts inside the building and glean what information I could…

* * *

It took quite a lot of effort on my part not to laugh at the antics Bella had gotten up to that class period. I did, however, wish that the racket had hit Mike Newton a little bit harder: maybe it would have knocked some sense into the boy.

I disliked listening to his thoughts about Bella during the hour. He was a typical teenage boy, the stereotypical high school male. I did not like the thoughts he had about Bella one bit – and I didn't even bother trying to suppress what I knew was protective fury over Bella.

What did it matter if I was dooming myself to fall for her, like my family thought I already had? What would happen would happen: I had seen enough of that over the years to know that events and triggers fell into place according to fate. What Fate wanted, she would take, and nothing could change that.

Making my way around to the exit of the gym, I leaned against the wall to await Bella's arrival. I couldn't smell her yet, even though I could detect the trailing path that marked where she had been an hour before, with me. Her scent lingered in the air.

I waited as several students passed by me: for the most part, I went unnoticed. A few females drifted along slower than they should have, and it didn't take a mind reader to know why. I studiously ignored every one of them.

Then Bella was coming through the door, and her face transformed quickly – from an expression I couldn't place, to one of contented serenity. She smiled in greeting, her beam wide and brilliant with her breathless, "Hi."

I returned the smile. "Hello. How was Gym?" I couldn't resist asking.

Her face lost a little bit of its open joy, and there was a distinct edginess in her voice. "Fine." I knew that it signaled she was lying, even without the benefit of knowing what had happened during the class.

"Really?" I wondered if I should even bring it up at all, remembering her slight, undaunting anger over my eavesdropping on Jessica's conversation with her.

_…I bet Cullen doesn't even know that she was hurt during class. Well, she hurt herself, but still! But she teamed up with me for the class! If only Cullen could hear me – I'd gloat over that for as long as I could…_

My eyes zeroed in on Newton's back as he walked away from us, thinking about all the things he'd say to me if he could. I almost laughed at the irony of 'if he could hear me', but my anger with him was much more potent.

"What?" Bella's demanding voice broke through and my eyes returned to hers.

I knew that I didn't sound happy at all as I edited the truth a little. "Newton's getting on my nerves."

Interestingly enough, she picked up on what I hadn't even implied. "You weren't listening again?" Her mouth widened in an open 'o' of horror.

I gave her the only answer I could think of. "How's your head?"

Bella was certainly something else when she was angry. I stop myself from thinking it as she huffed, "You're unbelievable!" turned on her heel, and stomped away.

My longer stride allowed me to easily keep pace with her. "You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym – it made me curious." As more minutes of silence passed, I had a feeling that she was ignoring me.

I began to feel a little twist in my stomach, one that told me I had probably done something wrong by spying on her. I had just been curious… but I realized Bella was a private person. My spying embarrassed her.

I felt that twist in my gut grow more defined, and I knew I'd have to apologize to her if she didn't snap out of her anger. When we reached the car, my eyes narrowed slightly – before I relaxed. Of course… "Ostentatious."

Bella, too, had taken note of the obvious crush of male bodies around my sister's vehicle. Once in the car, she asked, "What kind of car is that?"

"An M3," I told her absently, twisting behind in my seat in a semblance of human normalcy – anyone watching us shouldn't see me backing up through this crowd without looking over my shoulder. The males around Rosalie's car were in a thick cluster that I had to back through.

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_."

I rolled my eyes on instinct, from the goading of Emmett several times – never when Rosalie the car fanatic was present, of course. "It's a BMW," I explained a bit shortly. The teenage gawkers around my sister's car were just barely realizing that they were blocking us as we tried to pull out.

I chanced another glance at her, not having heard a reply. I was sure that she had nodded her head, however, so there had been some response, but…"Are you still angry?"

"Definitely." There was no hint of humor about her face. I had overstepped some kind of boundary: that was evident.

Only one thing came to mind. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?"

She shot a glance at me, seeming to consider my offer seriously. I waited for a moment as she slowly answered. "Maybe…if you mean it. _And_ if you promise not to do it again." Her finger had come up, another unconscious movement…like a scolding mother. And I was the troublesome child.

Her proposal, somehow, made me think of something I had thought of during the minutes I spent waiting to listen in on her P.E. period. Bella had wanted to drive on Saturday, but I had been reluctant to even consider the idea.

But a stunning idea had come to mind. If she were so insistent on driving, that would mean that she'd be taking her truck. Her father would definitely know she wasn't home – and he would notice if the clunking, monstrous vehicle didn't come back with his daughter safely inside.

In addition to that, the old red truck was easily recognizable. Bella would have to leave it somewhere when we got to the meadow…and if, by some horrible mishap, I lost control of myself it would be relatively easy to move her truck by the side of the road, to wait some passerby's notice…

I eyed her warily, hoping that she wouldn't guess the contingency plans I was already forming. The 'just in case' plans were ones I never wanted to use…but I had to create them, just in case. But first, I would have to change this deal… "How about if I mean it, _and_ I agree to let you drive Saturday?"

My initial thought had been that Bella would take the new offer quickly. To my surprise, however, she thought it over for a moment. I wondered what she had to think over, and what motivated her decision, when she came to her decision. "Deal."

"Then I'm very sorry I upset you." And I was: I didn't want to make mistakes with Bella. I tried to let her see the sincerity in my eyes. Then I could no longer contain the relief that threatened to make me giddy. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning."

I heard an unsteady thump of her heart and thought, for an instant, that it was because I had turned a corner 'too fast' or something of the like. Instead, she said, "Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

Shaking my head, I told her, "I wasn't intending to bring a car." I was planning on running to her house. I knew very well that there couldn't be a trace of me having been at her house if something went wrong during our outing…besides, of course, the obvious problem of 'something wrong'.

"How –," she began to ask, but I cut her off. I was still divided upon whether I wanted her to run from me or not, and the part of me that longed to be near her was cautioning me not to reveal my inhuman speed to her, flat-out. She had to have noticed it by now, of course, but I still hadn't really said it aloud, making it less 'real'.

"Don't worry about it. I'll be there, no car." I would do as she said…and pray that I could make myself allow her to live.

She let that train of conversation go, but threw another one in my face. "Is it later yet?" she asked, raising an eyebrow significantly. I knew instantly what she was asking, and the same part of me that had been cautious before was now pouting in the back of my mind.

"I suppose it is later." I frowned, disliking this very much. I didn't exactly want her to know how dangerous I was – and yet, I did. So that she would get the point, she would have to know how truly dangerous I was.

That didn't mean I had to like telling her I was a monster, of course.

I could feel her eyes on me as I pulled into the driveway of her father's house. Bella was startled when I stopped the car, looking away from me to the house. It allowed me to move my eyes to her face without having to lock onto hers immediately.

She looked so sweet, and innocent, that I wanted to freeze the moment in time. Her wide eyes, staring at her house bemusedly, not even the faintest hint of a frown on her face… I knew that she wouldn't look like that after what I was going to tell her.

When she looked back at me, I was ready and waiting for it. "And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" Little did she know…she had seen me hunt, in a way, that day she took a seat beside me in Biology and I had almost killed her…

If only she knew how it would have been all too easy to turn that passing encounter into a real hunt. Then she would have seen it, all right… I hoped that the gruesome thoughts didn't leave evidence of guilt on my face. That would have been a little bit too much to explain today.

"Well, I was mostly wondering about your reaction," she told me, clarifying herself.

I almost laughed out loud. "Did I frighten you?" Just what I had been trying to do, trying to get her to run away from me, and I had done it – but of course, Bella was Bella.

She hadn't run, but stayed put where she was. It seemed like it was going to be a lot harder than I thought for her to become suitably aware of her own danger. Especially when she continued to lie to me… "No."

I knew my smile wouldn't look very sad to her, since the emotion was mixing with a sense of relief. I had, indeed, succeeded in scaring her. The job would be hard, but it wasn't impossible, it seemed…"I apologize for scaring you." The apology flowed naturally off my tongue.

But then I remembered why I had succeeded, and any laughter seemed absolutely inappropriate. "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted." My jaw was tense from the effort not to growl aloud.

"That would be bad?" She sounded far too curious for her own good.

And I just barely managed to grit out, "Extremely."

Bella was persistent. "Because…?" I was going to have to watch my words, not giving her too much even though I _wanted_ to scare her away. I wanted to scare her – but not give her nightmares.

Deciding on a few basic, skeleton outlines of why I had reacted as I did, I told her, "When we hunt, we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…"

I couldn't look at her: my eyes had become glued to the clouds hanging heavily all around the car. I held off watching her for a moment, allowing her to feel whatever she needed to without me butting into her thoughts, before I shot my gaze in her direction.

Nothing escaped those eyes – no judgment, not a hint of fear, and certainly not any indication as to how my explanation had been received. The thick, steady silence in the car grew long, and neither of us looked away.

And then, I could sense something in the air. There was something going on between us, but I didn't know what it was. And the tingling reemerged in my fingers; there was a longing to reach her again, brush that length of skin that felt like fire under my hand…

The silence had grown too quiet, and I didn't realize what it was until Bella drew in a sharp, jagged breath of air. She'd forgotten to breathe. I closed my eyes, not knowing what I should have felt, or thought, or done…

My nerves felt like a large, jumbled wreck of a pile and my emotions were shot. I felt almost numb, like the odd intensity had sucked the energy out of everything around us, in us… I opened my eyes and forced myself to look at the morose, dark clouds.

With a rough murmur, I told her, "Bella, I think you should go inside now." Before I do something I'd regret. Before I hurt her in any way. Before I lost control of myself, or began to wonder what that feeling was, or consider that I wanted to be closer to her even knowing the agony _that_ would cause…

She opened the door, and with that puff of air came another volley of her sweet scent. I had barely realized that I wasn't struggling that hard not to bite her during the car ride until I got a sharp blast of her scent. Then, I knew that she would be in trouble if she weren't out of the car, soon.

Bella stumbled getting out of the car: I caught a glimpse of her in my peripheral vision and smiled to myself, a tight, thin-lipped ghost of a grin that was merely in recognition of the fact that she was, indeed, rather clumsy. Closing the odor behind her, she began to walk toward her house.

Something in me jerked, regret causing my hand to edge toward the button on my door. I didn't want to part like this, on possibly bad terms – unless that wasn't what it was. But why did it feel that way, then? My other hand slowly pulled the car into 'drive', and my foot landed on the brake pedal. I didn't have to go yet if I was going to do it…but should I?

I could hardly concentrate as I made a snap decision and nudged the button with my finger. The passenger side window rolled down smoothly. She noticed the sound and turned around. "Oh, Bella?" I called, leaning towards the window to get a better glimpse of her face.

"Yes?" She was curious, and it seemed like the strange, alien moment between us had been forgotten.

I couldn't help myself as I told her what I'd meant to. "Tomorrow it's my turn."

Bella frowned in confusion. "Your turn to what?"

"Ask the questions." I saw only her raised eyebrow and slightly open, stunned mouth before I let myself pulled out of her driveway and head down the road. I left the window open and lowered mine, as well, as I left her behind, standing in front of her house.

My last sight of Bella was of her watching me drive away with wide eyes and the faintest hint of a blush on her cheeks.

* * *

**A/N – Again, I repeat what I said at the top: Chapters One through Five of 'Sunrise' have been REDONE. :) I think they're better now, and I hope I can get to the rest within a good amount of time! **

**The title of this chapter was chosen because I know it's slow, and I know it's a tad bit boring here. But I just have the rest of Chapter Eleven, Confessions, to translate into 'Sunrise' – Bella and Edward's conversations, Billy and Jacob's visit, then Chapter Twelve, Balancing, and then…Chapter Thirteen, Confessions. Yes, it's really that close! I'm working hard, guys – I'm just as excited to get to that part as you are:) Also, know that 'Confessions' will be a MEGA long chapter, because I don't really want to split it up. I only will if Fanfiction won't let me upload the entire chapter. So, that one will take a little while to get to you because of length, but I sincerely hope you'll like it:) **

**I have updated almost all of my stories in celebration of the holiday season! Also, I shall be gone from December 14****th**** through December 27****th**** in Florida for Christmas, so I won't be posting. However, I will be writing, time permitting, and I hope to have another all-stories update ready for you all by New Year's. :) That's my holiday spirit! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	22. Comfort

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N – Sorry it has taken so long to get this chapter to you! I hope that you enjoy it.

* * *

**

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Comfort**

When I arrived home, Alice was waiting for me on the stairs inside.

She sprang to her feet as I walked in, casting a wary eye around the room. None of my family was waiting for me save her, and I wasn't sure what she wanted. To my surprise, she gave me a long, solemn look before thinking her words instead of speaking them out loud. _Come walk with me, Edward._

I was, admittedly, curious about what she wanted, and allowed her to lead the way out of the house and into the forest surrounding our home. We only walked a few yards away from the house before she allowed her thoughts to reach me fully.

_Are you ready yet to admit that you love Bella?_

I shot a glance down at her face and was met with her serious eyes. I didn't know what to say to her. One thing that I hadn't shared with anyone yet was that I had a nagging feeling that told me my family might possibly be right. And if I was wrong about that, there was no telling what else I thought I knew about myself...that I might actually be wrong about.

And in response to Alice's question... "No, Alice."

She didn't realize what I was saying 'no' to, of course. I hadn't shared that information with her. _How can you still deny it, Edward? You know that you feel something for Bella - why won't you at least admit it to yourself?_

Because admitting the possibility that I was in love with someone, in a different way than loving my family, was possibly the most frightening thing I had ever heard. That was why. If I was wrong, and I actually loved Bella the way my family claimed I did, then that was just one part of the process of saying it to anyone. There was also the fact that my love was relatively worthless that had to be noticed.

No matter how many times I tried to prove my point, that vampires were undead and monstrous and cursed, the one constant difference between my family and I wasn't a lack of closeness in the physical sense. It was the lack of closeness in opinion that caused me to keep that barrier between me and them. It was the knowledge that I was a monster that kept me from saying anything to Alice now, just like it did every other time someone attempted to make me 'see the light'.

There was more to love than just the ability itself. I loved my family. That was a different type of love than the kind I hypothetically held for Bella, but it was love nonetheless. Only my family seemed to be unaware of how useless my affections for them were. What was the use of the love of a monster who had slaughtered many a life, who was a liar and a thief and possibly had broken all of the commonly accepted laws of mankind's religions...what was the purpose of it?

It served none. My 'love' for Bella - even if admitted to a mass crowd of thousands - was still worth about as much as money in Germany after World War One.

Of course, any word uttered in that general frame of mind would inevitably lead to a second 'suicide' scare. Alice wouldn't understand - none of my family would - for they would see it only as a bad thing. They tended not to see the truth of my words at times.

And so I edited my words and thoughts just enough, to try and keep Alice content and keep myself from revealing far too much of my thoughts on the matter. "Alice, you don't know what I'm thinking. Don't tell me I haven't considered it." It was the truth, to a certain degree.

She blinked at me, startled by how upfront I seemed. _You have?_ "Really?" Her voice bubbled over in excitement from a single word. _Oh, I knew it! I knew you would see that you did!_

"Easy, Alice," I held up one hand. "I said I had considered it. The possibility, only: nothing more." Lie. "I know what you think, believe me – everyone's thoughts have reached me loud and clear. But I also know that I can't know for certain. I need a bit of time." True.

She blinked again, surprised. _What do you mean, you need a bit of time? Why could you possibly need tim? _"Don't you trust us, Edward?" she asked suddenly, taking me by surprise.

Her thoughts hadn't mirrored what she was about to say. "What? Yes, of course." They were my family. I would trust them with my life, if it were in any danger. If I had one, of course. _You trust us...so why don't you also listen to us?_ That was an argument I'd heard before, and I scowled, preparing to cut her off. I always cut my family's voices off if they proceeded down this line - I trusted them, and I also knew myself so I had to figure it out by myself: I always told them that.

Alice didn't allow me to stop her this time, thinking the words despite my open mouth and sulking eyes. _Is it so hard to believe that you don't know something, Edward? Just as we know you, we also love you and we can see the things that you tend to overlook or avoid. You know that. And we see the love you deny so easily. _

"Of course I know that," I sighed. "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm doubting your honesty, or if it seems like I can't admit something. I just...I just need to figure this out, that's all I ask, Alice." Liar. I already knew, and I was in denial. And I was deep enough into denial to know that I was in it. "And...it's not exactly _easy_ to deny."

_What?_

"I'm running out of counterarguments, Alice," I sighed, turning my gaze away from her still and startled form and out into the trees around us. I found it oddly uncomfortable to state my words so plainly. "There's only so much I can do to prove myself right. And...I know that I'm wearing down. I know that my denial won't be supported for much longer."

She was silent for a moment, just as startled as I was by the blunt truth. My words were still carefully selected, but they were much more revealing than I thought they would be. _Then why aren't you just admitting you're wrong now, instead of after all your denials are proven wrong?_

"Because...for right now, it's all I can do to hold on to a few last arguments, Alice. They're all I seem to have right now." I didn't have my sanity - if I did, I would be staying as far away from Bella as possible, yet I was planning to see her that very night. And it seemed that if I lost this fight, then I could no longer be sure of myself anymore. If I was wrong about my very feelings...what else was I wrong about?

Somehow, she seemed to sense that I was more conflicted than was originally thought. Alice slowed out pace down and we began to drift through the trees. _What do you mean? Is it so terrible for you to be wrong?_

"If I don't know myself...what else don't I know?" I admitted at a whisper. That was more than enough information: I couldn't reveal much more without allowing her to pry too deep and inevitably find a way to bring up what could later be connected to 'suicidal'.

_Only you, Edward, could take something so wonderful as love and find a way to make it morose. Make it miserable._ She huffed a heavy breath of air from her mouth before her lips parted from their frustrated white line. "How can you think so little of yourself?"_ Don't you think she deserves to know? That it's perfectly all right to love someone?_

It appeared that I had messed up once more and given away far too much. Alice had jumped to assumptions, however, which played out in my favor. "I don't mean it like that, Alice - I just meant that this is completely out of my...comfort zone," I threw my hands up, "because I've never been in a position like this before. Never."

Her tightened face relaxed instantly, turning into something that resembled a mixture of sadness and excitement. _Oh. Sorry._ She didn't sound very sorry, but breezed right on to, "That's what this is about?" _It's all right to be uncertain, Edward. That's normal, you know._

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, of course, Alice. How did I not know that?" The sarcasm melted away as I pulled my voice lower in a reflexive attempt to keep my words quiet. "I know all of what you could tell me, Alice, and I know more about myself. I'm just a little bit uncertain of myself right now. And I just...need the denial, for a little while longer."

I might have known the denial was there, but that didn't mean I could just give up on my certainties. I was still holding out for that last little bit that would tell me that I didn't actually love Bella: the tiny amount of doubt lingered as I waited for that spark of knowledge that would prove to me that I was right, after all.

_All right. I suppose I can understand that, if I try really hard to. I know that it must be hard for him, after such a long time..._ I tried my best not to listen to Alice, allowing her a bit of time to collect her thoughts - but still, I knew before she began to speak to me again. "All right then. I suppose that's all I can say or do." _I needn't have bothered, right?_

I frowned: confirming that would only hurt her. And I didn't want to hurt any of my family. But a bit of damage had already been done, long before this moment: a little too much closed-off Edward, a bit too little trust in my family, and I was already secluded as I could be while still remaining - what they thought - an integral part of the Cullen clan.

There was one thing that I could do to comfort Alice - as well as, I realized with startling clarity, help to keep my family from deepening their suspicions of suicidal me. Of course, it was just Alice here at the moment, but I had to start somewhere in proving to my family that I was fine, and would be fine. My suicide plans had been merely that - plans, not ones that my heart was set on going through with.

I knew what it would do to my family if I ever did something like that. And I had promised myself - after I had 'gotten better' after my brief excursion into the human-drinking world - that I would not go through with it unless absolutely necessary. What would make it so, just depended on what could happen in the future - or rather, what might.

At this point in time, I was positive that I didn't want to kill myself.

So instead of saying anything to make my sister feel better, I summoned some courage and reached out towards her, wrapping my arms around her smaller frame in a gentle hug. She was still for a moment before throwing herself enthusiastically into the embrace: it took all I had not to tug away from her. I even managed not to tense my body in preparation to put some space between us.

_Thank you._ Alice moved out of my embrace first, thankfully: I wasn't about to let her go as long as she wanted me to hold her, but I also didn't want to for very long. She solved the problem for me by skipping out of my arms and leading the way back to our house. Her head was up in the clouds of happiness at witnessing me 'come out of my shell' long enough to give her a hug.

I followed behind her, feeling guilty that such a small act had been so enthusiastically accepted. My particular comfort zone and idiosyncrasies had cost my family the ability to see me as a complete member of the coven: the joy at a mere hug was enough evidence of that.

But I was glad that Alice seemed to have let go of the topic we had been discussing. I could only keep up my pretenses for so long - something would have had to give eventually if she kept on pursing the issue. I was glad that I had found a distraction to take her off course of the conversation at that time, but now I was worried that she would come back to it soon.

I wasn't lying when I told her that I needed the denial, at least for a little bit longer. I did. I wouldn't be able to cope without it, for the second I stopped looking for reasons why I couldn't possibly love Bella I would have to admit I loved her.

And the love of a monster like me wasn't exactly a coveted prize.

Alice left me behind once we'd reached the house, pausing only long enough to smile brightly at me before making a dash for Jasper's study. _Thank you for your time, Edward._ She was also planning on telling her husband everything that had happened out in the forest, and I decided to make my way to my own room before I was sidelined by anyone else.

Luckily, I made it there without running across Esme or Carlisle. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie out in the garage again, as my sister worked on her car. Closing the door to my room, I let out the short puff of air I hadn't been aware I was holding. I was finally left to my own devices, of which there weren't many: I merely had to wait out the hours until I could make my way to Bella's house and stand guard over her sleeping form.

* * *

Faster than I thought possible, I found the hours had passed and it was an acceptable time to leave the house and make my way to Bella's. No one stopped me on the way out, although I could hear Alice itching to get to Esme and inform our mother of the latest news about - me. Of course. I hadn't expected her to keep it secret, but all the same... 

I was glad that I was at least going to be out of the house before Alice began chirping excitedly about how I gave her a hug. Goodness knew what Esme would begin to think: she'd have time enough later to come to me and talk. Thinking of that reminded me that I had promised myself to keep in close contact with Carlisle, despite my previous occupations with my own mind.

Thinking for a moment as I darted around the trees stretching out before me, I came to the conclusion that I'd have to leave that evening after I saw Bella asleep and no longer babbling her thoughts out loud to the dark night. Since Alice was likely starting the excitement already, I could at least share the rest of my concerns with my father.

If anyone would understand what I was trying to say without immediately jumping to 'suicide' as a conclusion, it was undoubtedly Carlisle. His advice, his wisdom, was what I needed right now, in this situation. As little as I liked the prospect of shortening my time with Bella, I also wanted to get all my thoughts off my chest. Carlisle was the one I would go to for all my problems, and he could help me with this problem as well.

Reaching Bella's house at my usual pace, I made my way around the building to stand in the trees before her window. The house was silent and still, and the thoughts of her father were those of a sleeping man. Scaling up the wall in a half-second, I was nearly pushing the window up when Bella sat up.

Lightening fast, I was on the ground again, my mind whirring with questions and fear. had she seen me before? Had I accidentally made my presence in her room known somehow? Did she see me before I got away? I hissed a curse under my breath and wished that her thoughts were audible.

For a few long, tense minutes, I waited outside her house, counting seconds under my breath and letting my eyes focus intently on her window. I waited for her shadowy from to come to the window, let the wood frame it as she peered outside for the intruder - for me - but to my surprise, she never came to the window.

My eyes moved to the closest tree and with a few moments of hesitation, I made my way over to that and climbed it instead. From this perch, I could see inside Bella's room and found that she was still lying on her bed. The sheets had shifted around her, however, as if by her doing instead of by mere chance.

She was still awake, then. I settled against the branches that surrounded my body, content to wait outside as long as I could watch her. I might not have been able to be in the room with her, but her benefit cancelled out my longing. She was safer if I was outside, that was a given.

I was unsure of the cause of her restlessness, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was all that she knew about me catching up to her. I wondered if she had seen me at her window, if she was worried because she thought I was outside. How odd that I really was here: how strange that it didn't seem to frighten her.

In the crack of window that I had opened, her scent had flooded out to slap me strongly across my face. I had closed it, of course, but now I had the time to wonder at what I had smelled in comparison to what I thought she might be dreaming.

She wasn't afraid or nervous. Her scent was the same as always, the same as it was every night in her room. Except...not quite exactly the sam: her scent was somewhat more intense, but not from fear. I didn't know what else it could be from, but there was something in the air. I couldn't begin to fathom what it might be.

I wasn't about to penetrate her bedroom now. There was no telling when she might awake completely, and even with my vampire speed I might accidentally leave some hidden evidence of my arrival behind. I didn't know what, but I feared it just the same. The only thing left for me to do was sit outside her house, a silent sentry and guard.

At least I had time to think.

As the night progressed, I began to map out all that I was going to say to Bella when the next day arrived. I planned out the questions I wanted to ask, the things that I wished to know. There was so much that I wanted to know that I was slightly worried I wouldn't be able to get to all of it.

Bella's entire past was a mystery to me, and I found myself inexplicably wishing to know all about it. All of it: as much as she could tell me, as much as she knew, and as much as she remembered. I just wanted to get to know her so much better that I could hardly find myself caring that this information was likely to help me form an image of her as a living, breathing human with a life in my mind.

To me, Bella was the embodiment of what 'life' was: freedom, and generosity and mystery. As a tool to help me control my thirst, forming a picture of her as 'real' in my mind was useless. She already _was_ real, much more so than I could ever hope to be. And I found myself wanting information, not to help build up my strength against my inner monster...but because I wanted to know.

I wanted to hear about her life, from the vaguest, most tedious details to the unexpected tidbits that made Bella so much more different than anyone I had ever met. And so I thought about what I could say, what I would ask, and what she might answer as the night waned into early dawn.

My worried self was more in control as the night progressed, however. Bella didn't stop tossing and turning, unable to sleep, until it was very late indeed. And then she didn't utter a single word in her sleep: instead, she seemed to be unconscious. I nearly entered her room with the singular purpose of checking to see if she had somehow his her head without my notice, and managed to give herself a concussion. Or to see if she was sick and needed medical attention, for some ailment that showed itself in the form of passed-out insomniacs.

My hands were on the windowsill when Bella rolled over, and to my relief it seemed that she was, indeed, fully asleep. I could hear her heartbeat from outside the room, a faint but steady sound, and I could see her chest moving gently up and down as she took deep, languid breaths.

Feeling very foolish, I had stepped back to my tree enclosure and waited until dawn was an hour from breaking. Then, with a last glance over the sleeping girl, the sleeping Bella, I made my way back home.

Carlisle was in his study when I entered the house, and I sought him before doing anything else. And I told him what I had told Alice - with a little more detail, such as how I felt that it wasn't right for me to love Bella, and how I couldn't really admit it to myself because that would mean knowing that I could be wrong about so many other important things.

My father looked me right in the eyes and told me plainly what he thought. I always appreciated Carlisle's blunt honesty when I asked for his opinion and really, truely wanted just the bare bones of the facts. However much I might disagree, I respected and treasured his opinion. This was one of the 'disagree' times.

_Edward, you can't always see what everyone else around you can see. You know your emotions best, yes, but you also admitted that you have been denying that which you think is in your heart. And just because you are wrong on one particular thing, that doesn't mean that everything you ever thought was wrong. Have some faith in yourself, son: you're a truly good person. And you do what you believe is right, and you'll know what is right when you stop denying what you feel._

I could only hope that he was right. I was still thinking hard on his words when the sun had risen in the sky and I was in my car, heading towards Bella's house once more.

* * *

**A/N - :) The last was quite a bit of summarizing, but I really wanted to give you your chapter that you so fully deserve, so I can get to work on the slightly harder chapter of putting Edward and Bella's conversation into Edward's point of view. Those chapters are always slightly hard, because I have to think 'now what is going through Edward's head, and how will it connect to where the conversation is heading'. At every turn. :) Yeah. Anyway...thank you so much for all your support! I know that this chapter was short, but I really, really hope to get more out soon.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	23. Complications

**READ BOTTOM A/N.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE HERE, TOO - A/N – Considering that I haven't updated in a while, I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. To be honest, I considered deleting this a couple of times – and in fact, I was very close to. One button click away. But then I thought about it, and I decided that A) You would all kill me, B) I was just tired of the amount of work I had to put into this when I really wasn't all that into it because I'm on a ****Supernatural**** kick/obsession, and C)I'm not a quitter and I'm not going to do that to you guys. So! **_**Sunrise**_** shall go on!**

**My 'music in the CD player' information came from Stephenie's website. Or Lexicon. I can't remember for sure, but I am almost 99.999 percent positive that it was Linkin Park. (Tell me if I'm wrong, because I can't find where I thought it said that it was Linkin Park). :D **

**Enjoy! **

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Complications **

As I was driving down to Bella's house, I could hear Chief Swan's mind from a block away. 

_Why isn't she going to the dance? If someone hasn't asked her – oh, someone must have! My Bella – well, maybe she refused. But if she did, why would she? Girl's choice…oh, no, what if she doesn't want to go? No, focus, Charlie! Even if she didn't, it's not the end of the world – it doesn't mean she's unhappy!_

I raised an eyebrow as I passed his car: he was too caught up in his thoughts to even notice me. I wasn't surprised by his thoughts: he was just a concerned father, worrying about his mature teenage daughter. He wanted her to be happy so desperately that he was forgoing even the typical fatherly distrust of males to worry about why his daughter didn't want to attend some trite human event.

I'd heard similar thoughts of concern for his daughter's well being before: Charlie was almost always afraid that Bella hated it in Forks. I was certain it had to do with her mother's departure from this rainy haven, but it also stemmed from how deep his love for his daughter was.

Coming to a halt in the driveway, I took the spot that Charlie had just vacated. To the side of my car was Bella's large, old truck. I smiled to myself a little wistfully at the sight of it. The machine was probably ridiculously slow, and it definitely needed some touching-up. The side of me that had connected with Rosalie, the mechanical side, longed to fix it up for Bella. 

From inside the house, I heard the sound of feet thumping down the stairs and knew that Bella must have noticed I was there. Her heartbeat wasn't loud or distinguishable in my ears, but the closer she got to the front door, the clearer the dull noise became.

As she locked the front door, I could hear her heart beating much more clearly against the white noise of early-morning Forks. But without her scent, her heartbeat was not strong enough by itself to invoke that dreadful, extreme burning in the back of my throat. 

I was prepared for it when she opened the door: the faintest of breezes, nothing more than an air current, flowed into the car as she stepped into the seat beside me. Preparation was enough for me to keep the monster off of my face, and out of my eyes, as I courteously greeted her. "Good morning. How are you today?"

When I said it, I couldn't help searching her face for any sign of that late-night restlessness. I had nothing murmured from the depths of her sleep to go on, and no hints as to why she had been so fidgety during the night. But there was no hint of anything on her face except a lazy tiredness brought on from the rough night.

"Good, thank you," she answered politely, her eyes wide and unblinking. 

I wondered for a moment if I should mention that she looked tired: would she be embarrassed that I noticed? I decided that maybe I could clue into her thoughts if I said something about it. "You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," she sighed. Without thinking about it, she swung her head slightly to pull a thin curtain of hair between her face and mine. I wished that I could brush it away from her face – but this wasn't the time, I didn't know if I could handle reaching towards her beautiful scent and beating heart, and her body language was telling me what her action meant.

This was an embarrassed habit: by now, I'd noticed that she did that whenever she was unwilling to tell something, but did so anyway. "Neither could I," I teased, hoping to draw more information that that out of her. Starting the car, I waited patiently for her to reply.

She laughed, surprising me with the sound. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did." I pulled out of the driveway, smiling in response to her laughter.

I decided that I liked Bella's laughter. It was nice to hear her so happy. "I'd wager you did."

"So what did you do last night?" she asked, her curiosity saturating her voice.

Chuckling at the question, I knew that I was neither going to get the information I had originally sought, nor would I be able to ask again. Bella seemed all right today: there was no reason for her dream to be anything terrible. And if I caused it…well, she wouldn't be so happy in the car with me right now. She'd be afraid – I'd be able to smell her fear. 

"Not a chance," I told her. "It's my day to ask questions." I certainly had many of them. Bella seemed intent on finding out everything that was unusual or inhuman about me, but it wasn't the same for me. I wasn't interested in knowing what made her human. I wanted to know what made Bella…Bella. Herself. Unique.

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" Her forehead creased as she frowned at nothing in particular. I wondered why – but I couldn't arbitrarily ask her that. Besides which, there were other questions I wanted answers to.

I made sure to adopt a serious expression before I began. I wanted her to understand that I did want to know. "What's your favorite color?"

"It changes from day to day," she sighed, rolling her eyes. 

Unsure of why she was rolling her eyes, I tried again. "What's your favorite color today?"

"Probably brown."

It sounded so ludicrous that I snorted, breaking my serious expression. "Brown?" I was skeptical; I'd expected something bright and happy that reminded her of her old home in Arizona. Possibly red or purple: something at least vaguely feminine. Instead, she chose a shade that matched the thick sweater she was wearing and her own hair. Out of the two of us, I would have expected brown to be my favorite color, if chosen for the day.

Her nostrils flared slightly. "Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown," she sighed, tossing her head unconsciously. Her silky hair waved in the air: I found that it was my eyes, not my thirst, that was attracted by her movement. "Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," she complained.

My eyes were still locked on the quivering strands of hair that fanned around her shoulder. I barely even noticed when I parked my car: my attention was solely focused on Bella. I met her eyes – brown, oddly enough – and a faint flush appeared on her cheeks as if she just realized she'd been ranting about the goodness of a color.

I took a chance. "You're right. Brown is warm." I tried not to move too fast so I could have some control. I reached toward Bella and carefully brushed the long locks of hair away from her face and over her shoulder. She didn't move an inch, seeming completely frozen in place. 

A new question was needed after I'd pulled away. "What music is in your CD player right now?"

"Linkin Park."

I smiled, amused at the change. The first time she'd been in my car, she knew Debussy. Now she was listening to music like Linkin Park? I had to admit that they were one of my favorites too – in fact… I reached forward to the compartment under the CD player in my car and quickly skimmed the CD's I'd stored away inside of it. 

My fingers quickly found Linkin Park tucked between two other CDs and I pulled it out, handing it over to Bella with a raised eyebrow. "Debussy to this?"

A faint blush spread over her cheeks at the sight of the CD. She took it, her fingers tracing over the cover as if it were familiar. I leaned back in my seat, glancing out the car window. We had made it to school in plenty of time, but we still had to get a move on to our first classes. "We should head to class," I murmured, opening my car door. 

* * *

I had a detailed checklist in my head of all the questions I wanted to ask her by the time I met her to walk to her English classroom. The first few questions I'd asked had popped into my head: now, I had several stored up that I knew I was going to ask her eventually. 

There was so much about Bella that I wanted to know. For me, it wasn't enough to be near her. It wasn't enough to gain a few insights to what made Bella herself. I wanted to know more, and I wanted her to tell it to me. Since I couldn't pull it out of her head, I could ask her aloud and hear it in her own words, still.

Movies she'd like, movies she'd hated; places she'd been, places she wanted to see; books and more music and questions about her opinions from every possible subject. They were all on the tip of my tongue almost as soon as I'd finished listening to one of her answers. 

She'd blushed when admitting that she liked topaz because of my eyes: I'd been faintly disturbed when she added that, if asked in two weeks, it would be onyx. The fact that she didn't realize what the color of my eyes meant was some cause for concern. But at the same time, I felt suddenly shy at the realization that she paid so much attention to everything about me. 

I kept up my questioning throughout lunch and Biology – up until Mr. Banner walked into the room with the television again. As soon as he walked into the room, I slid my chair slightly further away from Bella's in the hope that this time, the same effect that had hit us last time wouldn't come if there were more distance between us.

It came to no avail. Distance didn't seem to make a difference. And the familiar longing was dredged up in the pit of my stomach, causing me to wish that I could reach towards Bella at that very moment to touch her face again. Glancing at her out of the corner of my eye again and again certainly didn't help me keep a tight reign on the desire.

This time, the back of my hand caressed the side of her face without hesitation, although I was still excruciatingly careful to make my brush light and careful. Even a tiny bit too much pressure exerted on my part would be enough to kill Bella. I had to be incredibly careful.

The knowledge put me in a melancholy mood throughout the first part of my class, and I only managed to pull myself out of it in the latter half because I remembered that I hadn't harmed her. The worry that I would, however, took deep root in my heart. I determined that I would always be careful around her, for her safety.

When she exited the locker room after her Gym class was over, I couldn't help but smile at the sight of her looking for me. The sight caused strange, tingling warmth in me that I enjoyed immensely. I didn't pause to consider that. Instead, I launched immediately into the harder questions – the ones that required longer explanations than a few words. 

I'd kept her talking about herself for most of the day, but sometimes she'd slipped away from the topic of herself. For instance, her eyes had become lively as she told me an anecdote about her mother in the mall. And, after the school day was done, her eyes had gone distant as she described to me the beauty of Arizona.

Her description was what interested me the most. I couldn't help but be captivated by this place that I'd never once seen before, from the way she described it to me. By then, we were sitting in my car outside of her house: I'd taken her home, but neither she nor I had left the car. We were too caught up in her words.

I, for one, didn't want to leave. I prodded her on, urging her to tell me every detail about her room in Phoenix just so I wouldn't have to go. I still had questions, but those would have to wait until the next day. And I just didn't want to leave.

Unfortunately, she did finish her grandiose description for me and instead of immediately shooting another question to her, I glanced at the clock. The hour was drawing late. Her father would be home soon, if the time I was sure he'd be back by was accurate. 

In addition to that, I could faintly hear a murmur that I associated with Charlie's thoughts. Just like everyone's voice sounded different, people's thoughts were a reflection of their verbal words. There was another car within my radius, but the passengers of that car couldn't be coming here: Charlie was somewhat of a hermit, despite being Chief Swan. He wasn't very social, even though the town was incredibly small.

Her tone was undeniably relieved as she asked, "Are you finished?"

I laughed slightly to myself. "Not even close – but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" she sighed, her eyes widening as she turned to look at the rain-darkened sky surrounding Forks. "How late is it?" she asked, turning around to look at the clock. Her eyes widened upon seeing the time.

I knew what time it was, using the clock instead of being able to actually see the sunset. I almost wished that I could see the horizon, see the confirmation on the sun's own reddening face. "It's twilight." The beginning of the night, the time of day when the sun was finally fading away and darkness would rise: the metaphorical meaning was almost too perfect.

I could feel Bella's eyes on me and I turned to her, explaining myself. "It's the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the safest, in a way…" considering that it meant danger of being exposed by the sun was over. "The end of another day, the return of the night." I added my own outlook on the subtle certainty of the night. "Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" Darkness of many types, not just the literal nighttime. I had my own dark side, one that told me to kill Bella right at that moment. 

My struggle with it was certain. The outcome of my personal battle had the possibility to be different than its current success: keeping Bella alive despite my vampire instincts. But the darkness that was there…it was strong. And it was terrible. 

She didn't understand what I meant, of course. "I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. Not that you see them here much," she frowned at the realization.

I laughed. She was so young, so innocent of what I really meant. But then again, if I had my way, she shouldn't ever know what I truly meant as I told her about the darkness of the night. There was still a chance for preserved innocence here. It was faint, but maybe…

Thinking of chances, I realized that the thoughts of both the other car and the police cruiser were nearing the house. "Charlie will be here in a few minutes." The other car needn't be mentioned, as it was probably going to pass right by. "So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I raised an eyebrow, waiting to see what she'd say.

I wasn't entirely surprised when she said, "Thanks, but no thanks." She didn't really understand how dangerous I was, so it was only to be expected that she wouldn't know. She gathered her books in her arms, asking, "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?" Her eyes grew wider and a faint crease appeared between her eyebrows. Confusion.

"What more is there?" she grumbled.

"You'll find out tomorrow." She really had to get inside now, if she was insistent on her father not knowing about…us. Whatever we were. My heart thrilled at the word 'us' and I tried to ignore it. Chief Swan was still a distance away but Bella probably didn't want him to even think that she'd been outside. She was going to have to walk through a torrential downpour to reach her house, as it was.

I reached across her to open the door, concentrating not to make a mistake that would get her killed. However – to my delight – I found that sitting in the close-packed car for those hours we'd spent talking had thoroughly saturated me with her scent. There was no way for my thirst to grow even more as I neared her, and I found it surprisingly easier to keep myself put together.

My brief glow of success only lasted a moment. The thoughts of the second, closer car reached out to me as my hand touched the handle.

…_hope Dad doesn't make a big deal out of me wanting to see Bella – that's one of the Cullen's cars; they all have nice ones compared to anyone here. Why is one of them visiting? Could be that doctor, the father…_

The adolescent boy's thoughts were annoying only in their reference to Bella. I ignored him in favor of the much bigger threat.

…_the hell kind of car is – that's a Cullen car. The bloodsuckers are the only ones who have those kinds of cars in this town. What is one of them doing at Charlie's place?…_

That was impossible. They shouldn't know. But – Bella had mentioned a friend, when she'd told me about how she discovered I was a vampire. Jacob? Jacob Black? Was that it? The familiar last name had caused me to be a little hesitant before, but now it was dangerous. Jacob might be the teenage boy, in which case the male was his father…Billy Black.

Ephraim Black's descendent. Werewolf blood ran in his veins. He knew the legends. And he obviously believed them.

"Not good," I muttered to myself. I'd been caught with Bella, which wouldn't have been terrible if it had been Charlie. It wasn't like we had been involved in anything undesirable, either. But the fact that it was Black who'd found us… My natural instinct was to growl my frustration and I clenched my jaw tightly against it.

"What is it?" Bella asked, confused.

I spared her only a glance as the car was pulling up – stopping at Charlie's house, of course. Glumly, I told her, "Another complication." I could have done without having to face the Quileute tribe about being anywhere near Bella. 

My reasons for pursing this…thing…with Bella were not for nefarious purposes; no matter how much my inner monster wished it were so. The prejudices of werewolves against vampires were the only thing that would cause Black to pursue a confrontation or continue his vendetta with wild determination.

Pushing the car door open, I quickly pulled back to my side of the car as soon as I was exposed to the night air. Just because I knew that I wasn't hurting Bella, that didn't mean Black would believe what his eyes saw. The more distance that was between the two of us, the better for the old man's sanity. 

Headlights from their dark car were angled just right to highlight Bella's outline to me: she was blocking the light from me, at least for the moment. I knew that the longer she stayed with me, the worse Black's assumptions would get. "Charlie's around the corner."

But my gaze was fixed on the two people I could see through the windshield. 

The boy looked young; nothing more than an adolescent pup, considering the werewolf flux in his genetic code. He wasn't threatening, and he wasn't anything special. His eyes were fixed on Bella: I hadn't expected anything less. She was quite beautiful, even if she didn't seem to acknowledge it.

But Black, the older one – his gaze rested squarely on mine. His eyes were frantic as he stared at me, and I tried my hardest not to look away, as if hiding something. I let him see that my eyes weren't burgundy, even if a little bit darker than perfectly molten gold. That ought to set his mind at ease, if his legends and stories made a point to note that Cullen eyes were yellow because we drank from animals instead of humans.

When Bella had moved out of the way, I was fully exposed to the headlights of the car.

…_Bella was with a Cullen? In his car? Why? I hope she didn't tell him about those legends Dad told me – that would be so embarrassing. But he's the youngest one, isn't he? Oh, no, what if she…_

His thoughts were of no concern to me. Billy's were.

…_one of them. Charlie's daughter was in the car with one of them. Is she insane? No, no, wait – she can't possibly know, of course. She doesn't know how dangerous they are: Charlie doesn't believe the legends either, and I doubt he's told her about them. But the Cullen, he knows she's only a human. Why is he hanging around with her? What does he want?…_

This was beyond frustrating. I couldn't even guess what Black was going to do: say something to the Quileute Council? Keep it to himself? Try to dissuade Bella from going anywhere near me – or try and warn Charlie, again, of what my family and I were? 

But I didn't move my eyes away from Billy Black's for that whole long minute I stared back at him from inside my car. Then I pulled away, hearing Charlie's thoughts nearing the corner and wishing myself well gone from here before then.

My foot was heavy against the gas as I drove away from Bella's house, escaping the ferocious gaze of Billy Black. I wasn't afraid of him – he was a mere human – but I didn't like the way he was watching me so intently. I didn't like his thoughts. 

I didn't like how Bella and I had been caught together by a Quileute – much less one of the werewolf descendants. This just added a whole new level of complexity to an already unbalanced situation. 

The Quileute tribe was a wild card thrown into the mix. There was no telling what might be started if Billy Black decided to try and make something of it. My hope was that he wouldn't try and intensify the situation with unfounded claims. He wouldn't risk his friendship with Chief Swan, would he?

If he thought it was right, he might. I had to admit that. And I didn't know what he would consider the right course of action to be. I pressed my foot harder against the gas pedal on my way home. Maybe I should talk to Alice, see if Billy had decided anything…

When I reached the house, I headed straight for the garage to park my car. The door opened easily, and revealed Alice sitting cross-legged on the hood of Emmett's Jeep. She waved her fingers at me as I pulled in; her face was void of any fears or worries. 

_Billy's not going to do anything major. He's just worried for Bella's sake._ She gave me a careful look. _He doesn't need to be, you know. You wouldn't do anything to hurt her._

"Your visions do change, Alice," I informed her as I left my car. I walked towards her, coming to a rest facing the hood of the large Jeep. She sat to my right, looking down at me.

_You don't understand._ "This isn't something that I foresee, Edward. This is common sense." _You would never hurt Bella, because you love her._ She wasn't lying. She believed what she was telling me.

And the thing was…I believed her.

It wasn't some sudden, all-encompassing knowledge that threatened to overwhelm me. Nor was it a simple, sudden realization. It was just the falling away of my last barriers against the knowledge. It was finally being ready to admit that I was wrong, and I could see it. 

There wasn't anything overly special about this time in the million others I had been told that I was in love. But somehow, it was the final nail on the coffin of my old denials. I could no longer hang on to the pigheaded certainty that I was right and my family was wrong. Especially not with the little things that were spread throughout the day…

After all, you can only lie to yourself so much before you must see the truth.

The next problem was admitting it out loud, but I wasn't about to do that now. I could only imagine what Alice would say. And as much as I loved my sister, I just didn't want to deal with her enthusiasm and unconscious gloating. Both would come if she found out that she was right the whole time.

_Edward?_ She frowned at me. _Something wrong?_

"No," I answered. My fingers twitched across the top of the car, like a piano was underneath my hands. "I was just thinking."

_About?_

I almost said 'Bella', but that would have been just as bad as telling her. "Nothing in particular. I'm going inside." My departure wasn't abrupt; she saw that I was heading toward my piano before I even realized that I was.

_Ooh, play some music!_ She jumped off the Jeep, skipping ahead of me.

"Not this time," I told her easily, already envisioning the first few chords of my new project. Could I possibly…? "I want to work on something."

"Work on something?" Alice asked, surprised. _You mean, something new? Oh, that's so wonderful! But I can't hear what it's going to sound like. That's not fair._

I laughed slightly at her pout. "Please, Alice. I'm glad that you don't – that means I can actually create it, first." She giggled, bouncing up the stairs and into the house before me. As I closed the door behind me, she was running up the stairs to her room.

Heading towards the piano, I paused before one of the closest side tables and opened the drawer, pulling out a thick pad of blank sheet music paper. A few seconds later, I'd dug up a pencil and eraser, and set myself up on the piano bench.

It wasn't necessary for me to write down the music, of course. I could easily memorize any and all pieces I played, either my own or human works. But I did enjoy writing it down. There was something calming in the construction of music, and to write it down only served to help me center my thoughts more.

When I composed music, it was usually with a purpose in mind and when I was feeling particularly swamped with thoughts. I'd gone through several variations of a concerto one time in New York when we'd passed through the city. Our family had only been there for a week, visiting some friends – who may not have had our diet, but weren't the monsters of the South, either.

This time, composing wasn't to try and block out thoughts from others: it was to block out my own. I knew that if I was left alone with my thoughts that they would only circle around to what I had finally decided to stop denying. 

And once my thoughts had settled on that point, it would only be a matter of time before I was questioning all of the rest of my convictions. I didn't want to do that right now – or ever, for that matter. Understanding I was wrong about something was one thing, but beginning to question myself about everything was too much. Even I could admit that.

My fingers skittered over the keys of the piano as I hesitantly played out a segment of the melody that had begun forming in my head. It didn't sound quite right, so I tried again, changing this note to a flat and holding another longer. Then I switched to a staccato for that one, seeing if it worked. 

And so I sunk into the creation of the piece, my mind so focused on the task at hand that I barely even cared that I was treating my family to a rambling string of disconnected, incorrect-then-fixed, and fiddled-with strands of harmonious chords. I became so focused that I didn't even realize I wasn't alone in the house: my family's voices naturally tuned out as the music filled up my head.

Foremost on the front of my mind, however, was Bella. It seemed that she was always on my mind. In this case, her presence there was extremely welcome: she was the muse for this song. She was the inspiration. 

I remembered very well her sleeplessness the night before. And in thinking of it, I began to think in chords and quarter notes: a faint tune had sprung into my mind. It was soft and gentle and melodic all at once, and it was Bella. It was a sleeping Bella, at that. 

It was a lullaby. And maybe I would be able to play it for her, someday.

* * *

**A/N – Oh, the irony. :) This is one dense chapter: I brought up a lot of points that I'm very happy I got to. I was wondering how to bring up some. So, I hope you are all happy: he's admitted it to himself. :) But I also hope you understand the reasoning behind his denials, too.**

**You owe this update to the fact that it's my birthday. :) **

**Every single one of my work-in-progress Fanfictions has been updated. This means in the ****Twilight**** ficdom, "Sunrise" of course and "Hear No Evil", in the ****Harry Potter ****ficdom "Desecration Smile", and in the ****Supernatural**** ficdom "Up In Smoke" and "Burning Ice". I also posted a one-shot outtake of "Story of my Life" and posted the first chapter of 'SomL's sequel, "Escape from Normal". Also, I have posted the first chapter of a third ****Supernatural**** fic, "Reality Check". I hope you check them out!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	24. Balancing

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – Yes, I know it's been long. Yes, I know that a lot of you want to kill me for taking so long. Yes, I know that I should have updated a lot sooner. **

_**But**_** did you know that California State Testing is a series of tests that are not equal to all students and are pushed by Republicans and conservatives to try and prove that public schools don't 'deserve' public tax dollars, since they want public tax dollars to go to private schools? (Honestly, how do a special needs student and an AP student getting the **_**same**_** test questions equate to 'fair' and 'equal' at all?) (And private schools don't get the tax dollars because the parents who want their kids in that particular school are, uh **_**hello**_**, paying big bucks to get them that selective education, so why do they **_**need**_** our money too when it's **_**not**_** even enough for **_**us**_**?)**

**And with the CST's I was unable to get creativity flowing when I needed it for 'Sunrise' because the dang testing sucked all my energy out of my bored skull. Yeah, I know. Blame the CST's and f'd up, right-wing conservatives for everything. Get mad at my political rant if you want (but, uh, it's the truth). ;)**

**ANYWAY – I appreciate all the reviews (even though I rarely reply because I'm just too darn busy with all my fics and Real Life) and I really do like hearing from you all, a lot! :)**

**I don't know what Linkin Park CD it was that Bella and Edward had, so I decided to go with 'Hybrid Theory' since it came out before 2005, which is when Twilight was set. :) So that's just a guess on my part, because nowhere I could find did it actually say what specific CD it was – at least, not that I could find. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Balancing**

That morning, waiting outside of Bella's house for her to appear, my mind was still stuck in the composition I had constructed the night before. It was a coping mechanism, almost, for the tension I could feel in my house all morning.

It had been no secret that I was spending the day with Bella on Saturday. The first day that the plans had been formed, my family had known about them. However, with the day just around the corner, I'd been more worried that I cared to admit.

My disbelief in my own strength was causing it to waver. Mind over matter, I constantly repeated to myself whenever I felt a slip of focus. It was difficult to be around Bella without feeling completely predatory.

In addition to that, my family wasn't able to keep the subject off their minds, either. I wasn't the only one wondering if I would be able to handle being alone with her – although my family all thought different things. For example, Emmett thought that I was crazy to even begin this impossible path, whereas Alice had offered to go hunting with me this afternoon so that I would have my thirst as fully quenched as possible before tomorrow.

I'd left that evening to watch Bella sleep, knowing that this night might possibly be the last night I could watch her sleep. Alice and I were going to be gone most of the night, so I couldn't watch her dreaming tonight. And if something went wrong on Saturday…well, Bella would never sleep again.

I shuddered at the thought as I rolled down the windows, and then turned the engine off. I shouldn't be thinking so pessimistically – but at the same time, it was a very real possibility. I had to consider the idea that I might not be able to control myself. It was tempting enough when people were around: how could I possibly have control without distractions?

When she slipped out of the door, I watched her confident yet careful steps as she walked toward my car. Her face was bright and clear, and I noticed that the good sleep of the night before had a direct influence on her energy. I'd seen her sleep less troubled last night, but it was nice to see the effects in the cloudy daylight as well.

I had pulled up to her house as soon as Chief Swan was pulling out and didn't notice my presence. She was quick as she stepped out of the door – I'd barely turned off the engine before I could hear her heartbeat nearing the door.

Grinning as she stepped into the car, I asked her, "How did you sleep?"

Her lips twitched slightly at the irony of my question. "Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." My night had, indeed, been very pleasant: seeing her peacefully asleep was a sight that I adored. Especially compared to how turbulent and troubled her sleep of a few nights before had been. Coupled with the success in composing her song, and I felt that this was one night that had been very well spent.

She raised an eyebrow, seeming puzzled. "Can I ask what you did?"

Oh, the irony. "No," I grinned, content to keep my secret. "Today is still _mine_."

My questions were a little more differently geared than yesterday's inquiries. I had wanted to know all about Bella, and I knew quite a lot now. But there was still so much more that made up a person than their likes, dislikes and thoughts. A person was shaped by who influenced them and knew them. Their friends and relatives, and acquaintances, all made someone who they were.

I asked about her mother and other family. I asked about her friends and then – out of genuine curiosity – whether she had dated anyone before. Her answer made me feel even more stumped: what was it about me that attracted her? And I hated the idea that maybe it was just the draw of predator on prey that made me intriguing to her. It was another fear that I hadn't realized – acknowledged – that was keeping me from admitting that I was undeniably attracted to her.

As I asked about her previous romantic life, I couldn't help asking, "So you never met anyone you wanted?" If she had, then maybe I would have some kind of hint about why I was attractive to her. Some kind of proof that it wasn't because I was a vampire that she wanted me…

"Not in Phoenix," was her response.

I tried not to grimace at the non-answer. It wasn't like she was purposefully denying me an answer to a question I hadn't even given her. She was simply hinting that it was only I that could draw her gaze – which, of course, didn't help me in the slightest. It was dangerous for her to be so attracted. It was dangerous for her to be around me. She didn't understand that, and I had no hope of effectively explaining it to her.

She grabbed a bagel off of her tray and took a bite. I watched her eat – we were in the cafeteria – and then glanced at the clock on the far wall. The numbers wouldn't have been legible to any human, but to me it was crystal clear.

And at the end of lunch, Alice and I were going to skip school to head out as far from Forks as we could if we still wanted to make it back here in time for tomorrow's plans. "I should have let you drive yourself today," I realized out loud, mentally slapping my forehead for not thinking of it before.

"Why?" she asked, a crease appearing on her forehead.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." She blinked, obviously confused. "That's okay, it's not that far a walk."

I frowned at her. "I'm not going to make you walk home," I told her in astonishment. Did she really think I would do something like that? I added, "We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you." Alice wouldn't mind.

"I don't have my key with me," she sighed. "I really don't mind walking."

She was impossible sometimes. "You truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid someone might steal it." I laughed at the thought of anyone stealing that ancient, slow vehicle. It was old, but not in a classic-type collectible way. Just old.

"All right," she said doubtfully. I couldn't tell exactly what she was thinking, but I was sure it had something to do with me actually finding the key to her truck. "So," she said, changing the subject casually. "Where are you going?"

My amusement faded at the reminder of what I was going to be doing in a day's time, which was the reason for my early departure today. "Hunting. If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I silently begged her to change her mind – to make this impossibly hard situation go away. "You can always cancel, you know."

Bella looked down, away from me and towards the table for a long, silent millisecond. When she looked back up at my face, there was an almost hopeless resolve in her eyes. "No. I can't."

"Perhaps you're right," I muttered. If she said no, I just might show up anyway, unable to stop myself. As much as one part of me wanted her to stay away, the other part desperately wanted to take her where I was planning on going.

She changed the subject effortlessly again. "What time will I see you tomorrow?"

"That depends…it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I offered.

"No." Her response was quick, and I tried to keep a haunted half-smile off my face. She was so eager to place herself in mortal danger. So exhilarated by the prospect of spending a day with a soulless monster.

"The same time as usual, then." I remembered something else that had been bothering me. "Will Charlie be there?" I prayed that she said yes. That would give me another safeguard, another witness that wasn't part of my family to know if she went missing on Saturday, she'd been with me. Hopefully that knowledge might be enough to keep me from killing her, if I was caught in a struggle between my instincts and my conscience.

But instead, she beamed the response, "No, he's fishing tomorrow." Why did she have to be happy about that? It only placed her in danger.

"And if you don't come home," I snapped, "what will he think?" She had to understand that little, didn't she? That I could kill her tomorrow, and no one would know because it was a secret?

"I have no idea." Her tone was cool, calm and collected. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer." She was joking about this? I scowled, unable to stop the simmering anger that had risen up in me at her blasé attitude towards this situation.

She returned the gesture, and kept it up for longer than I thought she would. An abrupt topic switch took us back to less prickly territory. "What are you hunting tonight?" And if this were a less prickly territory, then I didn't want to know what was dangerous ground to walk on.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." Of course, I wasn't referring to a neat and tidy public park, but I didn't need to clarify it to Bella. I was sure that she understood what I met – and if she didn't, then she really didn't have much of a grasp on what she was really referring to when she mentioned my particular brand of hunting.

Then she asked another tricky question. "Why are you going with Alice?" she wondered aloud.

From the table across the cafeteria from us, Alice beamed at her full tray of food and directed her thoughts toward me. _Because you're going to be my sister one day, Bella! Oh, don't tell her that yet – she's not ready to know about it!_ And if I had my say, she'd never know. "Alice is the most…supportive." That was an understatement. _Don't be so grumpy, Edward!_

I didn't want to make Bella worry about what my family thought of her – goodness knows that they needed to get used to this just as much as I had to come to terms with the idea that I wasn't complete by myself. But it made such a big difference when Bella was questioning her standing with the group of vampires that I loving called my family.

"And the others? What are they?" I didn't like the timid tone in her voice. As much as I wanted her to be afraid of the fact that we were dangerous, I didn't like hearing in her tone that she was afraid of the people that I loved.

I frowned slightly as everyone at the lunch table offered their own opinions, now listening from across the cafeteria simply because they were interested – and we were in school, there wasn't much else to do here, either.

…_Edward getting involved with a human: that's pretty insane,_ Emmett thought._ But the fact that he's thinking about any girl is practically a miracle…_

…_I know his emotions are clear enough, but it's still so strange to think that lonely Edward – isn't, anymore. _Jasper glanced across the table at Alice. _What it would be like not to have her…_

Rosalie was…Rosalie. _…It's stupid, is what it is. He's putting us all in danger over this human girl. Why doesn't he just do something about it if he really loves her, anyway? Shouldn't he, if he really loves her? This is so…_

I summed up all their thoughts to one word. "Incredulous, for the most part."

Bella peeked over her shoulder to look at them. They knew that she was looking – she couldn't see from this distance that their eyes had flitted over a few times in her direction – but they didn't make their staring as blatant as it had been back the first few times we had eaten lunch together.

When she turned back to look at me, there was understanding in her eyes. "They don't like me."

I tried not to wince. How in the world did she manage to hit the nail on the head like that from a few words and an assumption from a cursory glance? She had Rosalie's thoughts down pat – as evidenced by her voice in my head, affirming it to herself – but she'd simply assumed with the rest of them. "That's not it. They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

Which was also true: I was placing her, our family and myself in danger. Her danger was obvious, and my family's impending doom was also clear. But for myself…it was also well known that I harbored guilt over my rebellious actions when I was a younger vampire. And if I killed Bella, then they thought I would damage myself. Slightly true, if guilt was damage – which to them, it was in my case. I didn't bother arguing the point.

Bella grimaced at my response. "Neither do I, for that matter."

Now we were back to one of the subjects that I couldn't comprehend why she argued about. I shook my head, glancing up at the ceiling in a silent – definitely unheard – plea for help. I'd heard a thousand remarks along these lines in the minds of females, and it never ceased to amaze me that anyone could feel so little about him- or herself when there was absolutely nothing wrong with them.

Bella, especially, made me hate the mindset. "I told you – you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me." She glared, seeming to think that I was just saying it for no reason whatsoever. I smiled slightly as I thought of one of the main reasons she had drawn my attention in the first place.

"Having the advantages I do," I briefly touched my forehead, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take my by surprise." She looked away, a faint pink lighting her cheeks. I almost stopped myself there, left it at that in the interest category. But there was something else I wanted to tell her.

There was more to my interest in her than love or her ability to keep her thoughts secret from me. In fact, it was very simple – she was the first person, ever, to draw my attention away from my family and myself. She was the only person I'd ever known who had turned my head in a way that made me realize the hollow loneliness that I'd never acknowledged.

And somehow, I wanted her to understand the effect she'd had on me. "That part is easy enough to explain," I began, watching her face as she gazed off to the side. I knew she was watching my family, and I let her instead of trying to attract her gaze to me. "But there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words –"

Something in Bella's face – a wordless, nameless fear – and the sudden pounding of her heart made me realize that something was happening. Then I smelled her fear.

Venom flooded my mouth, almost choking me before I could swallow it down. The scent of her blood – it was so strong, with that fear-inflicted adrenaline pulsing through her veins. Why was she suddenly afraid? It was torture to me: it was deadly to her.

And it was then that I heard Rosalie over the low din of the cafeteria mind-chatter.

_…stupid are you? Do you realize what you could do to my family? Do you know what your actions could do to yourself? Do you know what you would do to my brother if he ever hurt you? It would be your fault, because you won't leave him alone! Because you won't leave us alone…_

Anger flooded my body as I turned my head to the side, spying my sister's eyes locked with cold fury on Bella's. Was Rosalie insane? Did she not realize that Bella's fear of her glare was causing my control to spiral away from me?

Rapidly – fast in vampire terms – I snarled her name. "_Rosalie_!" It would have sounded only a hiss to Bella's ears. But it served two purposes: it drew Bella's gaze back to mine, and Rosalie turned her head away. And it alerted my family to the fact that something had just happened. They turned to my sister, questioning her.

But I was caught in the hazy fog of Bella's blood, creating a halo of scent that permeated the air around us. No escape from it. And she stared up at me, fearful and wide-eyed. It was a struggle to speak, and my entire body was tense as I fought my instincts. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see…it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…"

I had to look down, look away from her. There was a pulse, strong and easily visible, in her throat. I couldn't look at her and expect to maintain my control. It would be impossible. I heard her voice through the mist of her scent. "If?" she questioned, her curiosity overpowering the fear in her tone.

"If this ends…badly," I told her with the last of the air stored in my lungs. I dropped my head to my hands before I took in another breath, this one to be used to say goodbye. It was a double precaution: it kept her from seeing my eyes darken with bloodlust, and their presence in gripping my head allowed me false confidence that I could hold myself back from going for her throat.

I could feel her hand reaching towards me, the heat of her body igniting the air even though it was a good few inches away from me. I tried not to breathe too deeply. Drawing in her scent was like a thirsty man in the Sahara being tempted with water. I would have stopped breathing entirely, but a rational – or irrational – part of my mind suggested that maybe I could get used to this irresistible scent.

My masochistic breathing didn't go to waste, at least. She was still breathing a few minutes later, although we were silent. And her heartbeat was slowed down to a normal pace, her scent no longer pulsing fearfully from her body but instead, back to the gentle beat of a calm heart. It was still tempting, but no longer as taunting as it had been before.

She had some insight: she spoke now, when I was in more control over myself. "And you have to leave now?"

It was then that I sensed what she must have seen. The cafeteria was emptying, lunchtime almost over now. "Yes." I lifted my head from my hands, unable to allow any humor on my face until I was no longer moving – and still hadn't jumped on her, ready to drink her dry.

Only then, when I was sure of my control, did I smile. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology – I don't think I could take any more." If I had to sit next to her in the dark and feel that again, after this end-of-lunch struggle… That would have been too much for me.

I noticed Alice coming before Bella did – she jumped when my sister appeared behind me. She had aimed her thoughts to me, asking me, _Edward, what did Rosalie do? She's not saying a word. What was she thinking?_

It was difficult to control my anger at other sister, but I managed not to let it show on my face. "Alice," was all I said, a warning that we'd discuss it without Bella around.

"Edward." _Outside, then._

I waved my hand between the two, knowing that Alice already felt like she knew Bella because of what she'd seen in the future. I didn't like the thought of what she had seen, but that was neither here nor there. "Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice."

"Hello, Bella. It's nice to finally meet you." _We should all have met you long ago, since you're going to become one of us. But Edward doesn't like knowing that you will be, so he hasn't brought you to meet us yet_. I shot her a dark look: she was thinking this just for my benefit.

"Hi, Alice." Bella's face was light pink, and her tone was shy and quiet. I marveled at the sight: she wasn't afraid of Alice, yet she had been worried about whether or not my family really liked her. What had changed her mind? Why had she decided to believe me when I'd said that my family didn't dislike her? It was obvious that she didn't think Alice hated her – mostly because my sister was being friendly and her usual exuberant self.

"Are you ready?" she asked me, interrupting my thoughts on Bella. _Do you want me to go sign us out of the office, and meet you at your car?_

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car," I told her, also telling her what I wanted. She walked away without another word – aloud. _Don't get all-out into it, all right? Keep your temper in check. I'd say 'mind your blood pressure' but that's a bit stupid, so…_

I almost rolled my eyes at her back, but refrained from doing so, since Bella had just turned back to me and was asking, "Should I say 'have fun' or is that the wrong sentiment?"

Unable to help myself, I grinned. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." I couldn't deny that it was rather fun to hunt, despite the fact of why we had to. Then again, that was a vampire's insight, not necessarily a human viewpoint.

"Have fun, then." She tried to sound happy about it, but I could tell that she was worried. I couldn't fathom why she would be and so assumed that I must have heard it wrong. What could she have to be worried about?

"I'll try. And you try to be safe, please," I added. I didn't want to be worrying about her while on a hunt. That was a surefire way to lock my instincts in on Bella instead of the prey at hand, and that would be rather dangerous.

"Safe in Forks – what a challenge," she replied sarcastically.

"For you it is a challenge," I told her, trying not to let my fear show on my face. I didn't want to think about her getting herself into danger while I was gone and unable to help her. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," she sighed, long-suffering. "I'll do the laundry tonight – that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I mocked even as I tried not to wince at the reminder of why she had said that in the first place.

"I'll do my best."

The cafeteria was emptying rapidly now, and I watched out of the corner of my eye as Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper headed out and turned toward the office. If Alice and I were skipping, then so were they. Our excuse was that we had doctor's appointments – ironic on many levels. Us, needing to see a doctor: Carlisle, being a doctor himself.

I stood up, eager to follow after my sister yet also uneager to leave Bella. She looked up at me, keeping my eyes glued to hers. "I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed.

I cocked my head to the side. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" How odd. To me it seemed like it would be here in the blink of an eye, but to Bella's human perspective, the day wouldn't be able to pass fast enough – if she was as eager as I to reach tomorrow. After years upon years of waiting for time to pass, it seemed to go by so quickly now.

She nodded, expression glum and discouraged. "I'll be there in the morning," I promised, trying to cheer her up with a smile and a few words. It seemed to work a little, but she still had sadness behind her eyes. And I was wishing that I could stay behind and endure those fifteen minutes of film if just to touch her again after it was over.

The idea stuck in my mind and I couldn't stop myself from acting on it. Reaching across the table and making sure to control my breathing – and the strength of my touch – I brushed her cheekbone with my fingertips.

Then, feeling the fire of her skin burning on my icy fingers, I had to turn around and walk away from her. I felt her eyes on my back as I made my way out of the cafeteria, until I was no longer in her line of sight.

Only after I knew she couldn't see me did I quicken my pace, the anger simmering behind my façade breaking loose as I caught the light whiff of my family's scents on the wind. Most specifically, Rosalie's scent was leading my way. They had headed towards the cars, since Alice was checking us all out. They were heading home, while we were going towards the park.

I caught sight of my blond sister standing with my brothers beside my car. From a distance, I could hear Jasper and Emmett questioning her out loud and wondering in their heads what she'd done that caused me to hiss her name from across the cafeteria so angrily.

Her eyes caught mine and a haughty pride filled her eyes, eclipsing the bored expression that had been there before I showed up. I marched straight towards her with every intent of starting a fight – when a vicious wall of calm slammed into me, making my steps falter.

Rosalie and I cast angry glances at Jasper, who simply raised an eyebrow at the two of us and forced another wave through out bodies. _No fighting. This is a human parking lot. Are you crazy?_

"She certainly is crazy," I snarled, without as much venom as I'd had a few minutes before. I focused my glare on her instead.

She stared back, smug. "I was just thinking, Edward. There's nothing wrong with that." _I just wish that I could have said it all out loud to her face._

"You shouldn't have been thinking any of it." I balled my hands into fists, wanting desperately to hit something right now.

"Why not? It's true!" _She's putting every single one of us in danger – not just our family, herself too! Doesn't she deserve to know that?_

"You think I haven't tried?" I snorted. "She doesn't understand her danger, not matter how much I've told her! She won't listen!" I sensed Alice sidling up next to her husband, waiting – the three of them, watching us battle in furious, vampire-fast murmurs that no human ears could have heard had they been two feet away from us.

She stepped away from my car, towards me. "Then you should do something about it! You know, you can stop it!" _And you still think I had no right to think what I did? I have every right!_

Exasperating. That's the only word I could think to call her. I lowered my voice so that we wouldn't draw attention with loud shouts. "It's not as simple as that and you ought to know that very well, Rosalie." Running a hand through my hair, I added callously, "And did you ever stop to consider what you were doing to Bella with your thoughts?"

She sneered at me. "She didn't even hear me." _Why would I care what she would think, if she had heard me? She deserves to hear it from someone._

I glared at the obtuse vampire in front of me. "She didn't need to," I sneered right back. "She got a clear enough message of how furious you were at her. And what do you think her reaction would be? A human, subconsciously seeing that a vampire is glaring at them – there's got to be some reaction, don't you think?"

It took a moment for her to realize what I was saying. _A subconscious reaction? What in the – no. He was ducking his head – he was losing control. Oh, no_. Her wide, understanding eyes were somehow gratifying.

"Fear," I hissed, cruelly hitting it home even more. "Your actions made it doubly harder for me to stop from attacking her right then and there." And uneasy silence that not even Jasper could fix hung in the air. "That would undoubtedly have led to that exposure you're fearing so much."

With that, I strode towards the driver's side of my car, movements stiff. The clean air had all but washed out the scent of Bella's fear, but it still wasn't gone. The monster inside of me had held on to that scent with tenacious stubbornness. And as I slid into the car, I could smell Bella on the upholstery still.

When I closed the door behind me, I left Rosalie standing on the edge of the sidewalk with wounded eyes and a stubbornly stiff façade. _I didn't want that. How was I supposed to know that he'd – that she'd – I didn't know, did I? I was just so angry_. Now I felt guilty. I sighed as Alice slipped quietly into the car and backed out of my spot quickly, leaving Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie behind by her car in silence.

We were silent for a few long minutes, Alice carefully rattling off the German alphabet to keep from thinking about the scene I'd caused and left behind. After several minutes of silence, I couldn't stand it. "I'll apologize when we get back," I said quietly.

_I know you will._

"I was mad, too."

_I noticed. You had every right to be._

"That doesn't excuse my actions."

She sighed and ran a hand over mine, clenched on the steering wheel. _Sometimes, Rosalie needs to understand that what she does had effects. You already know that. Especially_, she added, _in this case_.

"But I shouldn't have blamed her for Bella's reaction," I sighed, speeding up slightly as we headed towards Bella's house. "She didn't really know that Bella's fear would make my control looser."

Alice snorted. _Yes she did. She should have. She knew that she was making Bella afraid, hoping that she would be set off and leave you alone if she thought we didn't like her. That's the only reasoning I can see behind thinking…what was she even thinking?_

"More of the same."

_…The same of – what? We don't know what she was thinking, Edward. Only you do._

"Just more of everything. That's all." I knew that Alice wanted more, but I never felt right indulging in sharing other's thoughts with someone else. "She's just afraid of anyone getting hurt over this."

We had reached Bella's house and I parked the car, glad that Chief Swan was at work and no one was nearby to see us breaking and entering. But Alice stopped me before I could get out of the car, holding my hand to the steering wheel.

_I know she's worried, and so am I. We all are. We want you happy, but we don't want anything bad to happen. That's natural. No one wants bad things to happen to them or those they love. But that doesn't excuse Rosalie – she's reacting far too much, far to callously. It's not right. There's a difference between concern for others and self-interest tacked on to it._

I didn't bother arguing. It was true that Rosalie often thought of herself – but it was also true that in this case, I could see that she wasn't thinking only of her own well-being. She was thinking of our family, of me, and – most surprisingly – Bella. She was projecting her own past – before becoming a vampire – on innocent, naïve Bella. And because of that, she did care in her own cruel way.

Of course, telling anyone about that would be betraying trust. I wouldn't betray Rosalie like that, no matter how angry she might make me sometimes. I was a secret-keeper in my family, considering that I was privy to all the thoughts that they didn't want anyone to hear. It was logical. Those were the secrets I kept without being asked, and I would always do so.

A pat on the hand, and Alice beamed and skipped out of the car. _Where to look, where to look_, she thought to herself as she skipped up the front steps. I followed right behind her, taking the house key where I knew Bella had hidden it and opening the door for us, then replacing the key.

Alice skipped into the house, heading straight towards the laundry room. _The keys are in a pair of jeans. Let's see, I'll look in those – no, the bottom. Ah, there!_ A few snippets of visions flashed through her mind as she made decisions, and I stood in the doorway the whole thirty seconds she was in the house.

She skipped out with the key in her hand. "I found them!" she sang, nudging me out the door to close it herself. _I bet you just wanted to go up to her room, didn't you?_

I just smiled and headed back toward my car. I hadn't, actually, if only because there was no reason for me to be there when Bella wasn't. I still had some chivalry left after a hundred years had passed, after all. Times may change, but I had a feeling that I hadn't changed very much at all.

Alice skipped to the big red truck and slid into the driver's seat as I entered my car and turned it on. She was lost in her own little word, no longer directing her thoughts towards me, and I tuned her out as I backed out of the driveway and headed back towards the school.

So, we would leave the car with the key in the ignition, and then head out towards the park for hunting. Later this evening we would come back to our house and I would speak with Rosalie, apologize, and then leave for Bella's house in the morning. I'd be back too late to catch her sleep talking, which came earlier in the evening. The early morning hours she didn't speak, just drifted in REM sleep until she awoke.

I pulled up to the school first and parked in the spot that Rosalie's car had vacated, sometime while we were gone at Bella's house. As I waited for Alice to show up, I watched the school buildings fretfully, wondering how Bella was faring so far. I wished that I could remind her again to be careful. She was so prone to getting herself injured…

Without even realizing I'd come up with the idea, I pulled my bag out of the backseat where I'd tossed it. Taking out a pen and a loose sheet of paper, I quickly scrawled the words, 'Be Safe' on it and folded it.

The saying was simply a vampire one, something that I knew from Carlisle. He'd picked it up from the Volturi, who may as well have coined the term. It wasn't quite goodbye, since vampires may all see one another again – we were immortal. It was possible that we'd meet old acquaintances once again.

And it wasn't really a wish of good health, either, although that might have been a good connotation: true fights between covens were brutal and deadly. It was simply a wish of luck. A wish of luck that was only used for those of your coven, or for those you cared about. That was the phrases' second meaning, in terms of use.

Oddly, it felt like I was drawing Bella into my culture by giving her this kind of warning farewell, and even as I rebelled against the idea of her becoming one of us – as Alice testified she would be – there was no hesitation in writing the words.

She might not be one of us, but I was a vampire. I was a monster, and my kind had a history apart from the human one. And if this triple meaning was one that only I would understand, when so be it.

Alice pulled to a stop next to me, her eyes darting to mine as I stepped out of the car and rounded the front. She opened the door and hopped out, motioning towards the inside of the car. "I left the keys in the ignition," she said, smiling as I wordlessly placed the folded paper on the seat of her car. _Oh, Edward…_

I gave her a brief, 'don't go there' glare. "Alice…" I warned her.

She mimed zipping her lips shut and I headed around back to the driver's side of my car. Her mind, however, was not silent. _Edward, it's so sweet! How can you expect me not to say anything?_

"Because I ask you not to," I grunted as she slipped into the passenger seat and closed the door. "It's not a miracle, Alice. It's just a phrase."

_One that, correct me if I'm wrong, but you've never even used in farewell to Tanya and her coven. And may I remind you that Tanya was especially friendly to you…?_

I took my eyes off the road to give her another glare. "Leave that alone," I warned her. Tanya was a friend, but not an extremely close friend.

Alice sighed. _What's the use denying what we both know, Edward? You're not stupid, I'm not stupid, and it's obvious that this is about you love for Bella. You said the phrase to her when you don't even use it all the time around us. Can you expect me not to be surprised and happy?_

"I'd prefer that you wouldn't treat a simple note like it was the Apocalypse – and I know you are," I interrupted her protest. "You're bouncing in your seat, Alice. I think it's obvious you're a little bit happier than you say."

_Fine! I'm ecstatic! It's made me very happy to see you giving in to your love, Edward! Now I just wish you'd stop fighting me on it, since we both know that's what it is._

Maybe I didn't want to bend to what she was trying to force upon me. Had she thought of that yet? But I knew I wasn't going to tell her, so I kept my mouth shut. "Fine. If you say so, then I'll believe you."

Eventually, she dropped the topic and moved on to a new one, and we spent the rest of our drive in pleasantly.

* * *

The drive back home was in the dark of the night, on an empty highway back into Forks. Alice, eyes a lighter shade of gold and mood light as ever, was busy singing along to a song on the radio. She had monopolized my car stereo, begging for the anonymity and unpredictability of the radio. Of course, for her it was anything but unpredictable.

I reached over and flicked on the Linkin Park CD that Bella and I had talked briefly about a few days ago. "No more love songs," I sternly told an indignantly squawking Alice. "I know what you're up to."

She grinned at me sheepishly, and then raised an eyebrow at the stereo. "Not that this isn't a change from the love songs," she started, then finished. _But why Linkin Park? I thought that you'd put in Debussy or something like that, seeing as you were so caught up in your piano last night._

"That was then, this is now," I said, avoiding the question. If I had human blood running through my veins, I would have blushed.

Alice seemed to sense that I was hiding something. Reaching forward, she pulling open the drawer that my CDs were jammed into and delicately selected the one that I'd handed over to Bella when teasing her about her own switch from Debussy to Linkin Park.

Nothing more had to be said when Alice frowned slightly and raised the CD case to sniff at it. Then she got it. _Why, Edward, this is just as good as a love song!_ Alice beamed, flipping the volume higher. "Why didn't you say so?"

My answer was a groan. _Oh, don't be such a sourpuss, Edward. This is pure gold!_ With that, she opened her mouth to chant along. "It's like I'm…paranoid, looking over my back…"

I groaned again, but I was laughing despite myself. Little Alice, singing along with this song so seriously, was an amusing sight to see. I was still smiling five minutes later as we pulled up to the house and I pulled towards the garage. When the door opened, I saw that the hood of Rosalie's car was up, and she was in there.

Emmett looked up as I pulled in and away as I stopped the car. He ran a hand through his wife's hair and over her back, soothing, before looking back toward me as I emerged from my car, slinging my bag over my shoulder. _Don't…be harsh. Not that you would be. But she's been here all night, pretty miserable, and I just don't like seeing that._

I grimaced. I didn't like causing it… I mouthed, _'I know'_, seeing as Rosalie wasn't looking in my direction. Turning around, I saw that Alice was watching me over the hood of the car. I inclined my head towards the door, silently asking her for privacy.

Her smile was soft. _Don't take too long – there's only a few more hours left before you can go pick up Bella for the day._

I nodded, my stomaching twisting suddenly as I realized that dawn was only a few hours away. It was already Saturday, and I still had to wait a little bit longer. The night had passed in the blink of an eye.

Emmett followed Alice's lead out of the garage. As soon as the door closed behind them, Rosalie's blond hair tumbled away from her face, her ponytail flung over her shoulder as she turned to face me head-on.

That was my sister. Strong and determined even when she felt guilty, and her car was a crutch, something to distract her.

I spoke before she could. "I must apologize for my rudeness earlier today, Rosalie," I began, leaning against the hood of my own car. "I'm sure you know your anger as well as I know mine – that it's nearly impossible to keep from speaking your mind when you're angry or frustrated."

Only, you have better arguments when furious, she sighed. "I…wasn't really…thinking," she said slowly. "I was…frustrated. And I didn't like…don't like that she has so much power over our family." _She could talk and spill our secrets. She could die, which would hurt you so much. And she could be a human tramp and leave you, which would, of course, hurt you._

My heart twisted at that thought and she saw it on my face. _I'm sorry, but I can't help wondering._ "You don't know what she thinks, after all." _No one does, of course, but if you could you'd know for sure. And you aren't able to read her mind. So you can't blame me for worrying about that._

Her hands flew frantically as she tossed wrenches to the tool bench and slammed the hood of her car, only to open it back up, flustered as she began to finish redoing what she'd undone in the engine.

As much as I hated that thought I hadn't even considered, it only helped me understand a little more just how different Rosalie was being from her usual self. This was a new situation for us all, and it appeared that Bella was somehow bringing out even more in Rosalie than anything else had, before.

I took a deep breath and pushed away from my car coming to a stop next to her and reaching in silently to help her with the innards of the car. Reconnecting wires so that it would run, my hands worked with hers in tandem as she calmed down from her outburst.

After a moment, she was done and dropped the hood, then stood with her greasy hands pressed against the painted metal and stared at the red. _I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't right, either. You…you've got to have some trust in a person if you love them. And I know that…she…has never done anything to make my concerns valid._

I didn't say anything. She needed to talk – to think.

_I know that you don't even understand my concerns. I don't understand them, either. They keep changing, and adding on and melting off. I keep thinking of new reasons to hate her, and I keep realizing that some arguments are stupid but I don't want to give them up. How can I? I want my family whole and together. And for that, what we've always had has worked just fine._

There was an answer for her right there. Change. She didn't like the change.

_I just know that I don't want anything to happen to my family. My family. You're all I have._

Something clicked in my head and I studied her intently, watching as her fingers traced patterns on red paint. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly. "Of course you have us. You'll always have us – we'll be there for you. We have been for years and years, Rosalie."

_Everyone's so happy for you, now that you found someone. Everyone can't stop thinking about you._

To anyone else that would have sounded selfish, as if she was concerned only for herself. To what I already knew about Rosalie, to what I was beginning to guess, it made sense. "You're still part of the family. No one is pushing you out."

_No one understands my concerns. They're all just so happy that you're happy. But I can't help thinking it might not last. What if she hurts you? Like he hurt me._

She wasn't talking about Emmett. She was talking about her human life. What led to her change into a vampire…

_You're happier now, Edward. Every time you're with her, you get a little more life in you. You think that you're content, and maybe you are. But I can't help worrying and fearing it, because if you think you're happy – I thought I was happy, I thought that my life was great. Look what happened to me, when I thought that he was wonderful._

Her shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. I couldn't stand by and watch her cry, and I reached towards her, pulling her to my side in a comforting hug. He rested her head against my shoulder, struggling not to let out a sob that would never have accompanying tears.

_And I know that I'll say more things when I get mad, Edward, but please, I just want us all to be safe. I don't want anything bad to happen. I want us to have the perfect life, to be happy, to be content. I don't want trouble, or fighting, or anything. I just want everything to be that happy fairy tale, but it'll never be that way._

"Calm down," I whispered, soothing her. I rubbed her back slightly, feeling awkward and uncertain about what to do. This…was new. I'd never been in this position before. All I could do was attempt to soothe her fears. Eventually she calmed down, but she didn't pull away. Then I was able to talk.

"You may think that no one would understand," I told her, "but they would. You haven't even tried to explain yourself. Why don't you?"

_I can't tell anyone. It's so stupid. I'm projecting my own fears on your relationship. How is that even sane?_

"It's you," I said simply. "You want to protect me from the same – well, not the same, but you understand what I mean." She let out a half-hearted laugh at my words. Encouraged, I continued, "There's nothing wrong with that. I just…wish that you wouldn't think of Bella the way you do."

She pulled away from me then, squeezing my shoulder as she walked away. I couldn't see her face, but I didn't need to. I just listened. _I can't afford not to… Thank you for hearing me, Edward. I really…I really appreciate it. So much._

The she was walking out of the garage, back toward the house. I followed her to the door of the garage, watching as she disappeared inside. She wasn't going to share with anyone what had happened out here – just return to her normal self.

I sighed. And they thought I was depressed and troubled?

My eyes darted along the tree line, watching as the sky grew lighter and lighter. It wasn't dawn yet, but it was close enough. I glanced at my hands – a few minutes helping Rosalie on her car when she was trembling from trying to keep herself together, and my hands were greasy and black.

I walked towards the house, slipping inside without touching the door – because Alice was on the other side to let me in. She gave me an approving look as I stepped into the room. _I don't know what you talked about, what she said, but she's back to her old self now._

I smiled. "That's a good thing, then."

"What is?" Esme asked, looking between the two of us from her seat on the furthest couch. She had a book in her lap and a curious expression on her face.

"Nothing," Alice said, running up the stairs. _You know, Edward, I know what you should wear today!_

"Stay out of my closet!" I called after her, already knowing that it wouldn't make any difference. Sighing, I meandered over towards the piano, which wasn't that far from where Esme was sitting. I was halfway there when I realized that my hands were blackened. Grimacing at them, I changed course and darted into the rarely entered kitchen to use the sink.

When I came back, Esme had moved closer to the piano and the book was closed in her hands. She was watching me with that motherly look in her eyes again, and I smiled as I took a seat at the bench. My notepad of sheet music was closed in the drawer because I was playing from heart this morning.

Esme sighed as I began the opening strains of her song. _Beautiful as always, Edward_. There was a brief moment of just music before she was asking me about my sister. _Rosalie didn't mention what happened today._

I didn't falter on the notes. "You should ask her about it."

_Why won't you tell me?_

"She deserves the chance to tell someone."

There was a beat of silence. _Does that mean she deserves to tell her side of the story? Or that she needs to talk to me about what you were discussing out in the garage?_

"The latter."

_I see._ This was one of the ways that I didn't feel guilty about using my ability on my family. Rosalie needed to share this with someone other than I, and there was no way that I was going to tell our mother myself. She deserved the chance to get everything that she'd shared with me off her chest. _Is it urgent?_

I almost stopped the chords then, but decided against it. A little bit of cover for what I was telling Esme wouldn't hurt. "Not particularly. It depends on what you mean by urgent."

_It is about Bella, isn't it?_

This was dangerously close to 'too revealing' but I had to be straight with Esme. As much as I could be, without outright telling her the truth, that is. "In a way. And in a way, it's about her."

_Rosalie and Bella…_ Esme sighed. _What I wouldn't give to see her happy for you…_

"Don't judge," I said softly. "That's why she deserves the chance to speak for herself."

I could feel my mother's surprise. _She is happy for you?_

"I didn't say that."

She sighed in frustration. _Sometimes I would give anything for you not to have those high morals and just tell me what I want to know about my children's thoughts, Edward…_

Looking over my shoulder, I threw her a grin. "But that wouldn't be any fun," I protested before I lapsed back into seriousness. "You should be the one to talk to her. You or Emmett." Then I returned to my music, only to find that I'd finished her song.

A short silence hung over the room before my fingers twitched of their own accord, starting the third – and most troubling to compose – section of Bella's song. We sat in silence as I played around with a few of the different versions I had jotted down, before I finally selected the second one and played the whole section up to the beginning of the fourth.

Then Esme spoke. "That's beautiful, Edward." _I heard you working on it last night, but it was hard to follow since you were playing with the keys and chords so much. What inspired it?_

I hesitated long enough, opening and closing my mouth twice, and she understood. Somehow, she did. I heard a slightly choked gasp. _Oh! It's Isabella, isn't it?_

I couldn't deny it. "Yes." I stopped where I was in the fourth, switching back to the second verse to see how well it connected to the third section.

My mother stood up, moving behind me. I didn't so much as twitch when she placed her hands on my shoulders. _It's absolutely beautiful._ "She'll love it, Edward. Are you ever going to play it for her?"

"Possibly." That depended on if she made it past today. It was something I hoped with all my heart, even as I feared that I wouldn't be able to control the part of me that only wanted her blood.

"You will," she said with utmost confidence in me. She backed away, relishing in the joy that my unflinching form hadn't moved from her touch. I could sense her moving towards the stairs – but before she disappeared to go speak with Rosalie, she thought back to me. _It sounds like a lullaby._

My fingers paused on the keys. She was right. I darted over to the drawer and pulled out my sheets, leaping back to my bench. There was a pen in my hand as I carefully ordered the sheets of the four sections, lining them up in the right order and omitting the sheets of the sections that didn't fit. Then, on the first page, I scrawled '_Isabella's Lullaby'_. For some reason, I loved her full name on the sheet music.

Lining up the pieces on the piano before me, I played through the entire song in my head to make sure that there were no changes that I would have to make. A few notes were accented, and some slow crescendos were added in. I played around with one line for a while, toggling the notes from low to high and back again.

Then I was done. It sounded perfect. With that, I collected the sheets and pen, returning them to their drawer. The song was complete.

I headed up to my room, seeing that the time was closing in on me. I hadn't even settled into my room all night for some relaxation, and already it was time to leave. Grabbing my bag on the way up, I bounded up the steps until I was there.

I threw the bag in the closet and headed toward the couch, seeing the neatly folded outfit lying on my couch. Blue jeans, sleeveless white collared shirt, and light tan sweater…it didn't look particularly menacing. But Alice had chosen it for some specific reason, and I didn't know what it was.

Raising my eyebrow, I shrugged and darted out of my room to the bathroom down the hall, grabbing a towel along the way. Rosalie and Alice were all about their bathroom routines, and my brothers and I shred one bathroom that was sparingly used. I felt like it today, simply because it was the end of the week and that was when I usually took a shower.

Only five minutes later, I was out and back in my room, contemplating the clothes laid out on my couch. Sighing, I reached over to my dresser to pull out a pair of boxers while I tossed my towel and yesterday's clothes into the basket in my closet.

When I had the jeans on and the white shirt on, I realized why Alice had chosen my outfit for me. I tossed my head back, growling slightly as I searched the shirt for nonexistent buttons. Perfect.

As if hearing my thoughts, Alice poked her head in my door, grinning brightly. _Don't be a spoilsport. It looks great on you. Bella will love it._ I waved my hand at her and she disappeared, traipsing down to Jasper's study.

I sighed and pulled the sweater on over the shirt, fixing it once the sweater was on. Vampires may have been very attractive to humans, but that didn't mean I was entirely confident with myself the way my brothers and sisters were. They'd tried to get attention from their mates before, using their bodies. I wasn't blind – or deaf – of course.

But I never had flaunted my body before…to anyone. Especially since Bella was the first female of any race – vampire or human – to ever intrigue me, at all. That made this a little awkward on my part, especially since Alice was pushing me to show of my body like this.

But then again, maybe she knew what she was doing.

A call from Carlisle caught my attention. _Edward, can you come up here?_

I didn't hesitate to run out of my room and down to his library. Opening the door quietly, I stepped in and nodded toward him, where he was seated behind his desk. "You called, Carlisle?"

He gestured toward the chairs in front of his desk, standing up himself and walking around to meet me there. "Yes, I did," he answered, and we sat down across from each other. _When are you leaving to pick Bella up?_

I glanced at the clock that was hung in the far left corner. Time didn't have much meaning for us, but when Carlisle had a job at the hospital he liked to be there on time. And it was grounding to know what time it was, even if the ticking of a clock could become annoying. "In about half an hour," I answered.

_So soon_, he smiled at me. "Where were you going?"

I hesitated; remembering that where I was taking Bella wasn't a place my family knew. It was my place, somewhere I'd found a secret hollow where I liked to escape on sunny days, if only for a few hours. "There's a meadow I go to sometimes. Mm…take the one-oh-one north, then turn right on the one-ten and go until the pavement ends. From there, I don't use the trail but run out to the right of it, about five miles or so." I paused, and then added, "I've also run from here before. My trail would be faint, but it starts from the back by the river and heads directly there."

The details were important. If something happened, there would have to be some way of knowing where I would be – and where Bella would be.

Carlisle didn't comment on my instructions. He just nodded and leaned back in his chair. _I assume that you told her to tell others where she would be?_ When I stared at him in surprise, he chuckled sadly. _I know you, Edward. You want her to be safe – and that means setting up as many obstacles for yourself as possible, if something…happens._

Meaning if I killed Bella. If I lost control… I nodded. "Yes. I believe Jessica Stanley knows that we were planning on going to Seattle, but that was before we knew it was going to be sunny. But Bella didn't tell her father. I hope that her insistence on taking her car would be enough of a tip-off – if her car is missing, it would be easier to locate where she went missing."

Carlisle nodded and I added, "And of course, you all know where we'll be." If Alice saw something happening, maybe it would be quick enough to stop me.

_I'm surprised he isn't asking some of us to tail after them, just in case._ Carlisle sighed at his own thoughts. _Don't get any ideas from that, Edward_, he warned me. _You can do this. You know that you won't hurt her if you don't want to. Remember that you've been controlling yourself for many years. You didn't kill her the first day of your science class. You haven't killed her in any days since that._

"What if I do?" I asked. It was a reality that we needed to discuss. "If I do something…"

"Then it's up to you." _We can stay and slip away after the investigation is done. We can pack up and leave immediately and no one will ever find us if we leave the country and lay low for a long time. You know that we'll follow your lead, Edward_. "It would be your decision."

I sighed, knowing what he wasn't going to say – because it didn't need to be said. My family had left at the drop of a hat other times, like when Emmett had killed or when Jasper had slipped.

If I did, it would be no different than that. When Esme had accidentally tasted human blood, she had wanted to leave immediately, whereas Emmett's second time had led to the decision to wait it out, because he thought it would be better for our cover, which it was. It was up to me if I messed up.

"I should go," I said, glancing at the clock again. Standing, I held out my hand to my father. "Thank you, Carlisle."

He grasped my forearm and I, his. He placed a hand on my shoulder. "Have faith in yourself, Edward." _I believe in you. I know that you can enjoy the day with Isabella, and that you won't hurt her. You just have to believe in yourself._

Leaving the room with his words in my head, I made it all the way to the top of the staircase before I turned around at the mental beckoning from several open doors. Alice and Jasper peeked out of the study, and Emmett leaned against the wall opposite his and Rosalie's room. I could faintly hear Esme and Rosalie outside the house, talking. They looked at me.

_…Edward. You're crazy, but you can control yourself. You've already done it more than twice, which is a lot more than I can say for myself…_

_…no need to be nervous, because you know that you'll be fine. You know that she'll be fine…_

Alice was different. _Just believe in your strength, Edward. That's all you have to do._

I paused, frowning at her. There was something about her face… "What did you see?"

Her eyes shuttered and she shrugged her shoulders hesitantly. _Two different paths, Edward – but that means you can choose. And I know you'll make the right choice._

I didn't like that answer, but I couldn't very well argue with her. Turning around with a nod to each of them, I turned and made my way down the stairs and out the front door. Alice's indecisive visions only meant one thing: I hadn't actually made my mind up yet. And that was a very scary thing, to know that I was heading towards her house now without actually knowing if I would be able to return her there later today.

Rosalie and Esme were in the back, and I looked through the glass wall for a long minute before I turned and headed out the front door, toward the woods. I'd told Bella that I would show up without my car, and so I was running there. I'd go through the woods.

My feet hit the ground inside the tree line and then I was flying, leaving my home and family behind me as I sped towards Bella's house.

And I didn't know if I would return even more of a monster than ever – or not.


	25. Confessions

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N – Yes, it's here! And yes – it's cut** _short_**!**

**It was just so ridiculously LONG that I knew it would be better to split it up. :) But don't worry – I have the next chapter ALREADY WRITTEN! It's being posted TOMORROW (if I have Internet access tomorrow, which I should. Unless my house blows up or something). I know – don't you all just love me right now? :) **

**Referenced information on the Timeline on Twilight Lexicon: 1927 – the year Edward started his rebellion (I just used the year instead of saying 'my rebellion' fifty-thousand times over, :D). **

**Anyway – I'm evil, aren't I? Making you wait an entire _twenty-four_ hours for the next update? :) **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Confessions**

Bella's house was quiet as I approached, save the steady and faint beat of her heat. I could hear it, even from the woods. She seemed to be on the second floor of her home, most likely in either her bathroom or bedroom.

I paused outside for a long moment, gazing up at the sky. The cloud cover was sparse, and fading away even as I watched. We would have to head out right away, if we didn't want to get caught in the sunlight before reaching the meadow.

Then, sighing, I approached the front door. She was alone in the house: Chief Swan's cruiser was already gone from the driveway. That left only the old, red truck parked and waiting for the two of us. Moving silently up the front steps, I finally raised my hand to knock on the door, being careful of my strength as I did so.

I could hear her feet suddenly moving faster against the floor, and her heart rate had jumped up a notch as well. The reminder of how inhuman I was, to be able to hear her body's reactions through several walls and a door, made my lips tighten and non-beating heart grow heavy.

The dead bolt seemed to cause her a bit of trouble, which still wasn't quite enough to pull a smile to my face. Then the door was open, and there was nothing separating the two of us from one another any more. Her hair was slightly tossed, as if she'd stumbled – or rushed to see who was on her doorstep.

My eyes traveled down her body, making sure that she was all right and hadn't fallen before I arrived. Knowing Bella, she would have tripped and fallen at some point this morning, if she had been running around her house like I'd just heard.

It took me a moment to realize what I was seeing. And then I couldn't help but laugh – I could definitely trust Alice to have manipulated me. "Good morning," I chuckled, seeing her blue jeans, topped with a tan sweater under which the white collar of a shirt peeked out. Her outfit matched mine perfectly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, frowning and looking down.

"We match," I explained, laughing when a sudden comprehension dawned on her face. She joined my laughter, even as something shaded her eyes darkly. What was it? Perhaps nothing, but I wasn't positive.

Backing away from her door, I headed toward her car and heard the snick of metal against metal as she locked the door to her home. I wondered if this would be the last time she ever saw the house. And then I wondered if she was thinking of that very same thing; I decided that she might be but odds were, she wasn't thinking along those lines. She still had a ridiculous faith in my strength of mind, and believed that I wouldn't harm her. She was foolish.

I almost headed toward the driver's side when I realized that I had made an agreement with Bella over this particular detail of the day. Swallowing everything in me that demanded I take control over the car, I headed toward the passenger's side of the vehicle and watched her as she headed toward the driver's seat, wishing that we could switch places.

Her eyes glowed slightly as she met mine. "We made a deal," she said smugly, obviously happy to lord her control of this morning's transportation over me. Biting my tongue, I allowed her to unlock my door and climbed in beside her. Then, once we were both inside the small, cozy compartment of the truck, she asked, "Where to?"

I eyed her warily and decided to tease in order to get my point across. "Put your seat belt on – I'm nervous already." Any type of safety feature that I could enforce today was a good one. There was enough danger already without adding anything unnecessary.

She wasn't happy about it, and gave me a look to prove it. But she complied with my request before repeating herself. "Where to?"

"Take the one-oh-one north," I told her. My stomach was somehow twisted with nerves: this was yet another step of many that would take her to the brink of so much danger…

Bella drove carefully through the tiny town of Forks, and I watched her the whole way. I committed her face to memory, just on the off chance that something did happen. Just in case this was the last time I would see her alive.

And if I ended up murdering her, then I deserved no less than to remember it for the rest of my existence. All those lives I had taken while rebelling against Carlisle's doctrines had not left faces imprinted in my memory. They had been monsters, and I had not been willing to remember what they had thought, much less looked like.

But Bella…if I hurt Bella, it was no more than I deserved to remember every little thing about her. I could keep her memory alive, in a way. And I would make sure that the monster that had killed her – myself – would never forget it.

My dark thoughts were pushed back as I flicked my eyes from her to the road, just realizing how slowly we were traveling. "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather – have some respect," she retorted, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Soon enough, we were out of the town limits and I was telling her, "Turn right on the one-ten." She did so. I added, "Now we drive until the pavement ends." The echo of the directions I had given Carlisle earlier made me feel slightly more saddened. I desperately hoped that I wouldn't end up disappointing my father.

Bella distracted me from my thoughts unintentionally. "And what's there, at the pavement's end?"

"A trail." We wouldn't be traveling on the trail, of course, but it would be fine. I knew that I could keep Bella and myself safe in the forest, from anything that might be a danger to her – except myself, if it came to that.

"We're hiking?" She sounded extremely displeased about the prospect – finally, a little less than enthusiastic about our expedition. It really was a shame that her lack of fervor was about the most mundane, safe part of the whole situation.

At the same time, I had already expected Bella to be less than happy about hiking. Seeing her clumsiness and serious lack of hand-eye coordination in athletics, it was only to be expected that she viewed any type of physical activity with something falling far short of enjoyment. "Is that a problem?"

"No." Her confidence rang false to my ears.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry." I watched as her face slowly morphed: the crease between her eyebrows deepened, and the once subtle disappointment changed into a much stronger dread. I was thankful that her reaction hadn't become downright fear. But all the same, I didn't like the look on her face.

The near panic didn't truly fade, even though she tried to hide it. Her expression shifted while she attempted to cover up what she was really feeling, but I could tell it was still there. And I had hoped she would reveal more verbally after a minute of silence, but she had not taken advantage of the opportunity I was giving her.

After a moment, I realized that I was a fool for thinking that Bella would willingly offer up information about herself without prompting. Annoyed at my lack of insight, I asked her, "What are you thinking?"

"Just wondering where we're going," she lied again. I was willing to bet that she was worried about the hiking itself, and if she would be able to make it when she was hardly able to keep up in her physical education class.

At least I could return that information with the truth, even if she hadn't reciprocated it. "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." Glancing out the window, I noted that the thinning cloud cover was almost burned away.

"Charlie said it would be warm today," she said with an air of vague awareness. I wondered for a moment if she even meant to say that out loud, considering our discussion yesterday about Charlie knowing – or not knowing – where she would be today.

But she had provided me with the perfect opportunity to bring it up. "And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope." She sounded far too happy about that for my liking.

Thank goodness for small mercies. "But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" Although, considering that it was Jessica Stanley who was the girl in question there, I wasn't entirely positive that was a good thing in the long run. For now, at least, it was a good enough incentive.

Until Bella burst my hopeful little bubble with, "No, I told her you canceled on me – which is true."

Now I was angry. "No one knows you're with me?" Was she trying to get herself killed?

Was she trying to make me lose control? "That depends…I assume you told Alice?" she replied.

Frustrated, I snapped, "That's very helpful, Bella." She was going to get herself killed, and I'd be the one killing her. "Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" No, I reminded myself snidely, grimly. That would be me, wouldn't it?

Her tone was meant to be soothing, meant to make me see her reasoning. "You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly."

She was insane. That was the only explanation for this irrational behavior. "So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me _– if _you_ don't come _home_?" I stressed my words with purpose, biting out my sarcastic retort and trying to make her understand how out of line her actions were. She had to think about herself, not me. I'd be fine, stuck in immortality. She'd be dead.

Instead of answering, she simply nodded in response to my angry words. The crease between her eyebrows was back, and her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. It was obvious that she didn't want to hear anything more I would have to say.

Well, I'd be proving her right or wrong today. And either way, she'd understand something – either that I was more dangerous than she had bothered to try comprehending, or that she was right and in that case, would make herself even more of a target for my thirst if she survived past these hours alone with me.

And, also either way, my inner monster would have a say in this decision. I just hoped that it wasn't a large one. "It would be nice if you didn't tempt me into being a murderer again, Bella," I muttered, too fast for her to hear what I was really saying. But, of course, the problem there was that I had been a murderer before.

Taking human lives was not something anyone with a conscience could just get over. It wasn't something that was done lightly, either. There had to be motivation, and there had to be purpose. Mindless, thoughtless violence – that never actually happened in real life. I knew: I had seen enough of it in the minds of the serial killers and rapists. Even if it was through twisted logic, or by haunting pathways in the brain through which memory could be erased after an event – there was always a motivation, a reason.

The reason didn't always make sense, just as the reasoning behind it was convoluted and wrong. But to the human, to that particular mind, it made sense. It was right. It wasn't immoral, unjust or wrong. Violence…it always had a cause and effect. It would always be, no matter how many ways humans attempted to stamp it out. Choice would always be choice.

And it had been my choice to hunt humans during those dark times. It had been my decision that had lead to the deaths of countless people – who, yes, were evil and vile, corrupt and did not have any right to belong to society. I had told myself that I could do it this way, know which humans it would be all right to slaughter…I had played God with people's lives, taken and let loose, killed or saved. It really didn't matter which way you saw any of it.

The only thing that mattered, when it came right down to the line, was that I had killed without remorse, without sympathy, and without second-guessing myself. All until it got to be too much death, too many voices silenced, and I could not do it any more. And so, I decided that I wouldn't.

Now Bella, in her own thoughtless way, was tempting me beyond all reason to do that which I had vowed I would never do again. And she didn't even truly understand, so I could not fault her for not realizing just what she was doing to me. By tempting the thirst I had for her blood, by allowing herself to be unconditionally alone with me…she was allowing the monster a golden opportunity, the likes of which it had never encountered before.

Once I had killed a human, it had been all too easy to slip into the habit. Even though I had gone free and clean for many, many years – old habits die hard, and I knew that I was capable of killing. I had done it before, and I did it every time I needed to feed. Murder…once you'd done it, it was far too easy to do it again. Once you'd sipped that sweetest blood, there was no turning back from the undeniable fact that your body would never feel content again, not without that taste on your tongue.

And so, with Bella tempting me every step of the way, I was terrified that I would fall back into murder without being able to stop myself. The roadblocks I had attempted to set up had almost all failed. There was nothing to stop me, should I want to taste her blood. My family couldn't get out here in time – they all put too much faith in my strength, too much stock in my control. They were all certain I wouldn't fail – whereas I was not so sure of myself.

The truck abruptly stopped, and I blinked upon realizing that Bella had pulled onto the shoulder and parked the car. We had arrived. She was pushing open the door, and I followed her lead like an automaton, trying to push my thoughts away as I stepped out of the truck.

I could tell that it was very warm, and without much thought I tugged off my sweater, tossing it into the truck before closing the door. I didn't need it here, even if it did become colder. I wouldn't feel the temperature, and I couldn't get sick.

Pus, leaving behind my sweater was insurance. If I killed Bella, I would barely be able to face my family, least of all her truck. And if my sweater was here, then it could be found and implicate me in her disappearance. Therefore, I would have to keep Bella alive in order to avoid that kind of trouble. It was a weak barrier, and not a very good one – but it was something more than what I had, which was important.

Attempting to ignore the cruel logic in my head that told me one of my family members could grab the sweater, I tried to distract the growling thirst from that tidbit of thought by looking out into the forest. The thick wall of trees before me didn't look threatening, but I felt the pressure on my shoulders at the knowledge that this was it. This was where Isabella Swan's grave might lie – if I wasn't strong enough.

I had to be strong enough. It simply wasn't an option…

"This way," I said, glancing over my shoulder. I was still a bit irked that she hadn't thought to try and protect herself from harm, so I couldn't think of much else to say to her. Instead of trying to find words, I turned back to the forest and began to walk into the tall, dark trees.

"The trail?" I could hear the spike of panic in her voice, and assumed it was about going into the forest. Not about me, of course – she had no sense of safety.

I heard her catching up to me, so I didn't look back to make sure. "I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?"

She sounded so desperate, I couldn't help wanting to reassure her. Setting aside my disapproval over her insane reactions and reasoning, I turned around to reassure her. "I won't let you get lost."

For a moment, her face was blank. Then, slowly, her eyes began to widen and left my face. There was a kind of panic, pain and – something else – flashing in her eyes, and the myriad only grew more tortured as the seconds swiftly ticked by. I had no idea what was causing her reaction.

All I knew was that she looked that way because of me. Probably because it was just hitting her, as we stood here on the edge of a dark forest, that she had agreed to spend the day with me in some place that she didn't even know the location of: that she was alone with a vampire, nonetheless.

The thought that she finally understood something gave me a sense of relief. Yet, at the same time, I hated that look on her face. I knew that she should have had it a long time ago, but I still didn't truly enjoy seeing it despite that knowledge.

Without really considering what I was saying, I quietly asked her, "Do you want to go home?" A part of me wanted her to say 'yes'; the other half wished for the 'no'.

"No." One wish, not granted…

She strode towards me, her face closing off with every step. There was something unsettling about that reaction. "What's wrong?" I gently encouraged her to tell me.

"I'm not a good hiker. You'll have to be very patient." Her voice was monotone now, as if her spirits had just been crushed.

My gut twisted at the sound. I found that I hated it very much, and wanted to bring back some of her former liveliness. "I can be patient – if I make a great effort," I joked. My attempt at lightening the mood fell flat.

Only dejection lit her face, as her smile fell flat. My own grin disappeared as I scrutinized her face for any thought, any emotion, to shine in her eyes.

Whatever she had just realized did me no good. If it was the realization of her own danger, then it was high time something happened. And since that was the only explanation I could formulate, it was what I was going to have to go on. Even though I was still having mixed feelings about that particular issue, I knew what was right.

And so I quietly promised her something that I could only hope I would be able to deliver. "I'll take you home."

To my surprise, her acidic answer was, "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way." That had been entirely unexpected. I frowned, trying to understand. Obviously, I'd miscalculated what she was really thinking about. But I really couldn't think of any other reasons for her reaction.

Completely at a loss, I decided to follow her advice and begin leading the way. There was no way I would broach the topic now: perhaps it would be best left alone. I didn't know if that was for the best, but it was the only answer I could come up with. And it was just going to have to do for now.

Our path took us straight through the trees, on a direct line towards the meadow. I helped her over fallen trees when she needed help, and made sure that we wouldn't run across any animals on our way.

Every time I touched her, Bella's heart jumped: I could hear it clearly. It wasn't helping me in the slightest, but I couldn't do anything about it. I simply had to try my best to ignore that temptation. It was hard, however, to ignore the sound of her heart reacting to my very presence or proximity.

To make up for the rumbling monster in my chest, I never touched her longer than was absolutely necessary. It was so very hard to touch her bare skin – her muscles, her skin, her heat…I could feel it through my palm. And the mere feel of her under my hand made it very difficult to control every sense that demanded I taste her sweet blood.

Whenever our silence got to be too much, and I seriously wondered if I could keep my control, I would ask her a question. She probably didn't realize that my questions kept her talking about herself, helping me paint a clearer picture of her entire being. Like Alice had told Jasper countless times before, if you thought of a human as someone with a life and thoughts and feelings, it was supposedly easier to deny the thirst.

I didn't know how that method really worked for Jasper when I wasn't around. When I was there, he felt inexplicably safer – trusting me to hear his thoughts before he got out of control, and warning him to get a grip on what he was thinking before he lost his cool. But it seemed to be working for me.

When I laughed after hearing the tale about Bella's poor trio of fish, I heard it echo into the trees in a way that I only let myself do when I wasn't around humans. When my family and I were out and alone in the deepest reaches of the forest, I felt safe enough to really let my voice go. Vampires could be rather loud, when we weren't controlling our voices along with the rest of our reactions, instincts and abilities.

Letting myself lose that much of my control inexplicably allowed me to feel even more in control of the instincts that demanded I drink from Bella. As if freeing me up to have more focus, I found my steps getting lighter and my resilient endurance staying high. I knew that Bella had to feel like she was lagging, by now: I knew she wasn't very athletic. She was probably tired.

And so I found my questioning served a second purpose – allowing her to be distracted from the long hike, which was a lot lengthier than I had originally assumed it would be. Then again, whenever I came here, I ran. Walking at a human pace wasn't something I did gladly, but even so I was sure that we would have made more progress than we had. Perhaps it was because it was Bella, and not some other human. She was moving much more slowly than I had anticipated.

All the same, I found that I didn't really mind the speed at which we were traveling. The sun finally broke through the clouds, transforming the dense, olive color under the trees into a brighter shade of green. This meant that when we reached the meadow, it would be in full sunlight – and suddenly, I was finding the idea awkward.

How would Bella react to seeing the glittering inlay on my marble skin? What would she think when she saw just how otherworldly I was? This thought had two possible reactions, of course: she would either stay or the fight-or-flight response would kick in. She would be either amazed or terrified.

And, of course, I was divided about her possible reactions as well. If she stayed, she would be in danger. And if she wanted to leave, I knew that my heart would be broken – as sappy and un-me as it sounded, it was the truth. I did love her, after all. And I didn't know if she felt the same way, at all.

Breaking me out of my musings, Bella asked, "Are we there yet?" When I looked down at her face, her eyebrows were drawn together in a scowl that I could tell, right away, was teasing and not serious. Had she noticed my preoccupation? Either way, I was glad to note that her mood had softened over the course of our hike and she was now asking me questions, instead of me asking her.

"Nearly," I replied, smiling. "Do you see the brightness ahead?" Speaking of it made me realize that it was there, that I had been staring at it for the past few minutes. The meadow was just there: we had almost reached our destination. Anxiety curled in my stomach.

She peered ahead of us, trying to see what she evidently could not. "Um, should I?"

I smirked. "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes," I teased back, careful not to allow any of my nervousness to sink into my voice.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered. I couldn't help the growth of my smile: she was simply far too amusing. Only Bella would think to joke about getting her vision corrected, when comparing herself to a vampire. Only this strange, wonderful young woman…

We made it a few hundred yards before something clicked in her eyes. I had been watching her as we walked, and I continued to observe her as she pulled ahead of me, suddenly eager for the hike. I kept the same pace, allowing her to pull ahead of me and into the meadow.

Silently, I stalked after her through the forest. She didn't seem to realize how this difference in position led me to think of predator hunting prey. For someone who was so intuitive about many things, I didn't know how she could simply not notice how taking the lead had put her in a dangerous place.

Struggling with my instincts, I stopped outside the sunny circle of light, deep in the shade without being too far back for her to spot me. I could have walked out into the sunlight – save dramatics for another day, since my very appearance in the sunlight would be dramatic enough – but I didn't feel fully in control of myself.

Perhaps over my instinct to bite her pale, thin throat, I was in control. But I didn't know how I was going to stay away from her warm body heat for very much longer. Even through the torture of feeling her blood pulsing underneath my fingers, I had felt the warmth from her skin soaking into mine. She was so unearthly warm to my ice-cold body that it felt like exquisite agony in combination with the sound of her steady heartbeat.

I watched her as she walked slowly into the center of the meadow, turning around with wonder in her eyes. She gazed upon everything, soaking it in just like the warm sunlight that tinged her skin golden. And even as there was amazement in her eyes, her face was simply at peace. Relaxed.

In a way, it was more amazing to see that utter relaxation on her face than the astonishment. There was something in the way she felt so safe here, even with me – a monster – waiting in the shadows, which made me even more eager to keep her safe. To keep that expression capable of returning to her face: to let her live.

Suddenly, she seemed to realize that she was alone in the meadow. Her head turned frantically, left and right, as she searched for me among the trees. Finally, her gaze landed on me.

Bella's face was lit with a small, gentle smile that did nothing to dispel the peace already present on her face. She stepped back toward me, obviously intent on bringing me into that circle of sunlight of her. But I was reluctant to do so, knowing that she would react somehow. I slightly dreaded both possibilities.

Her smile widened, meant to encourage me; she stretched out her hand, fingertips curling up slightly as she reached towards me and took another step forward. I held up a hand, warning her to stay back without a single word passing my lips.

Instantly, her eyes grew shaded and uncertain. Hesitation made her arm lower, that crease appear between her brows again. I knew that she would only wait so long before speaking – and before she could try to verbally persuade me, I knew that I had to make my choice.

I could turn around right now, run away from this encounter. Leave her alone in the woods, in danger? No, I couldn't. Then again, I could refuse to step out of the shade. No matter what she did, she couldn't really make me move if I didn't want to leave my spot. But that would accomplish very little, other than making her feel bad. And it was no guarantee for her safety.

Taking a deep breath and trying my best to keep my thirst under control, I finally stepped forward – accepting my decision, and whatever would come of it.

* * *

The peace and calm of the meadow was filled with the sound of Bella's heart beating a gentle rhythm. It was the only other sound I could hear, besides the faint pattering of random wildlife in the shadows beyond the outer edges of our circular meadow.

My skin cast rays of reflecting light off into the trees, startling anything alive that was brave enough to try and venture into the sunlight spot in the forest. The only creature brave – or foolhardy – enough to truly come near me was, of course, Bella.

She seemed fascinated by the miniature mirrors that seemed to be set in my skin. Her eyes had grown wide at the sight of them, and I had been unable to keep her from staring at my skin for the past hour or so that we had lain here in the sun.

At least, I was lying in the sun. I could feel the blades of grass bent under my back, and underneath that, the earth. The scene felt so peaceful that every once in a while, I would let a strain of Bella's lullaby drift from my lips into the still day, marring the intense beauty of the afternoon.

She asked me about that, and my only reply was that it was a song too low for her to hear. I wanted her to hear it, yes – but on the piano, with my fingers playing it for her instead of my voice. It sounded infinitely better coming from the musical instrument. And besides which, I knew that if I sang her the song, another one of my reasons for getting her out of this meadow alive would be thrown out the window.

Irrational, I suppose. But I didn't have much to hang on to, even though I felt completely at ease here. I was certainly letting Bella see the relaxation in my loose body, my lazy, casual sprawl across the ground. And yet, appearances can be deceiving: I was still waging a silent war with myself. The only difference was that I was currently winning.

The entire day, I had been with her. We had spent what felt like countless hours at each other's sides, and by now I was so thoroughly permeated with her scent that it was ridiculous. And I knew that I could control myself, as long as nothing tempted me to lose that control. I could do this: I was slowly gaining confidence with each second that passed.

A sudden, feathery-light touch on my arm pulled me back to earth, out of my thoughts. The heavenly warmth against my pale skin inflamed my masochism: I could feel that wonderful heart – something I had long been addicted to – but also her pulse, through that one finger that she traced on the back of my hand.

As soon as she had touched me, I opened my eyes. Heavy lidded against the afternoon glare, I watched her face. Like a mirror, my skin reflected some of the light back upon her own face, causing an intriguing glow. That glow only served to remind me even more strongly of exactly how inhuman I looked at this moment.

When she lifted her eyes to mine, my mouth opened of its own accord. "I don't scare you?" Attempting to sound teasing, I knew I only partly covered up the pure curiosity in my voice.

"No more than usual," was the response. I smiled widely for a second: so I did scare her, somewhat. That was good. That might keep her safe.

She inched closer, her hand now tracing along my forearm. Her fingers weren't quite steady against my arm – then again, I didn't quite feel steady, either. I had to close my eyes at the sensation. "Do you mind?" I heard her ask, as if afraid she was crossing some kind of line.

"No." I didn't open my eyes, too caught up in the pleasure of feeling the heat racing from her skin into mine. "You can't imagine how that feels," I added, sighing.

Tingles raced across my pale, cold skin as she ran her fingers up my arm. When I felt her other hand reaching for mine, I opened my eyes. Seeing the way her arm was twisting, I knew her intent was to flip my hand over. Instead of waiting for her fingers to make contact with my skin – too eager to feel her touch again – I flipped my arm over myself.

Disconcerted, her movements froze for a second and I realized that I had moved too fast. "Sorry," I murmured, allowing my eyes to drop closed again. I found it far too easy to let my usual inhibitions around humans drop, whenever she was with me. "It's too easy to be myself with you." It was also too easy for me to lose myself, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

Allowing her to lift my hand, I tried to simply enjoy the feeling of her heated skin against mine. I could feel her turning it, probably manipulating the sun's glittering effect on the surface of my cold, dead skin. For a long moment, I let her touch me: then, I couldn't resist allowing my eyes to open for the third time to watch her.

Her long hair curled around her neck, slightly blocking my view of her throat as she bent over my hand. Intent on her observations, she didn't seem to notice my watchful gaze. She turned my hand this way and that underneath her warm fingertips, eyes close to my skin as she stared in fascination at the reflective surface.

I wondered what was going through her mind at this moment. And before I could form a filter between my brain and my mouth, I was speaking. "Tell me what you're thinking." Her eyes snapped to mine, blinking slowly. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

Her lips curved gently into a smile. "You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."

"It's a hard life." One that I wished I could have. What I wouldn't give to be unable to hear all the random, private thoughts of everyone around me. What I wouldn't give just to be human, not a monster, for that matter… I had noticed that she didn't give me an answer, however, and tried to think of that instead of my own wants and wishes. "But you didn't tell me."

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…" I could see the hesitation in her eyes, could hear it in her voice.

"And?" I prompted, wanting and waiting to hear what she had to say.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." The thought of her fear had the monster in me perking its ears up, tilting its head in interest. Fearful prey was more delicious – but I had to fight it. I tried to draw my thoughts somewhere else, and landed on the second most obvious interpretation of her admission.

Finally, there was an admission of a feeling that she should have begun showing so long ago! And yet, even as the words left her lips, I felt dissatisfied. At first, I didn't understand why I should feel that way: this was what I had wanted, wasn't it? For her to fear me, and thus run away – to safety? Sanity?

But of course: that was what I had wanted before. Now, my priorities had changed: my feelings had changed. "I don't want you to be afraid." And that was one of the many truths that now existed inside of me, alongside the other instinctual longing I had long carried in the back of my mind: the longing for my prey to be fearful, to make the chase exhilarating.

I had to keep reminding that part of myself that Bella was not going to be my prey. I had to make sure of it. I had to control that part of my self. And as I told her that I didn't want her to be afraid, I knew that Bella had to pick up some of the undertone there. I truly wanted to be able to reassure her that there was nothing to fear – but I knew very well that was untrue.

Even now, the monster inside of me – which had been reduced to pouting growls – was readying itself to unleash a roar of fury. She was simply too close, too calm: it was too tempting. And then she had to go and say, "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

I could not continue this conversation while reclining lazily along the ground before her. Twisting to my side, I propped myself up on my right arm. Facing her, I could see her face more clearly, without the sun shining in a brilliant halo around her head.

Of course, this brought her whole body closer to my face, which was a very bad thing. I froze completely after I was settled, knowing that any movement to bring me closer to that pounding pulse would inevitably break the leashes I was using to tightly restrain the growing thirst that compelled me to attack and quench that fire in my throat.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I whispered, trying to make her begin speaking. I knew that if she told me something – anything – even with this proximity, I just might be able to concentrate solely on her voice. Even a tiny moment of complete concentration on something other than my thirst might give me the strength to block up that monster once more.

I heard her drawing in breath before she moved. In that instant, I realized that I had single-handedly placed us both in a dangerous situation without thinking. I had been so focused on keeping something inside me at bay that I hadn't even thought of what it was about myself physically that was designed to pull prey towards me.

Her inhalation was undoubtedly because of my scent, either cast upon the air from my breath or simply because she was close enough to me to catch a whiff of my scent. Whichever way, the only thing that was clear was what a vampire's intoxicating scent caused as an involuntary reaction in a human.

She leaned towards me. In leaning towards me, where I lay upon the ground, she easily – and unknowingly – caused her hair to fall over her shoulder. And her throat was completely exposed to me, her scent floating off of her in intense waves that were suddenly no longer muffled by her locks of dark, thick hair.

Her swinging hair sent her scent directly into my face – and, foolishly, I hadn't even though to stop my carefully regulated breathing. I had been in complete control of my lungs all morning, and now the careful pace of breath that I had set myself on was betraying me. In turn, I inhaled her scent just the way she had taken in mine.

My mind almost went blank in that instant, terrifyingly similar to what happened in our Biology class. Everything was moving much slower than normal, and I had a snap decision to make. And so, I chose to run. Before she could possibly have blinked, I had placed twenty feet of meadow between the two of us, plunging myself deep into the shadows of a tree.

But it still wasn't enough.

Awakened, my thirst was more intense than it had ever been, even with the distance separating us from one another. My hearing was magnified, to the point where I could practically feel each slight movement of her heart as it throbbed in my ears.

And the expression on her face certainly didn't help any against my overwhelming, instinctual need to feed. The shock and hurt were eerily reminiscent of the expressions on my victims from all those years ago, when I had rebelled. If it were a little darker, if she were running from me and looking over her shoulder to see my face – yes, then her face would be a mirror echo of one of those humans I'd hunted.

"I'm…sorry…Edward."

Her voice echoed through a haze of bloodlust into my head, snapping me to awareness long enough for an answer to slip through my lips. "Give me a moment." Yes, a moment to try and regain what little control was slowly slipping away from me under the onslaught of longing.

I knew that denying myself for so long would eventually build up into too much to handle. After all, you could only resist so much before your defenses were too weak to take the pressure any longer, before you were unable to help wondering if it would really be so terrible to take what you wanted. Pressure built until it was too strong. All walls crumbled eventually. I knew this: these were facts. Who was I to deny them? They were true.

My feet were moving forward slowly, before I even realized what I was doing. Would it be so terrible? If I had a heart, it would have begun to pound in excitement. No one knew where she was; no one knew she was with me. Only my family knew – and a few of them had murdered before. And besides, they couldn't get here in time to stop me, only help me cover up the crime…

I couldn't remove my eyes from hers, even as I sank to the ground before her. It would still be a crime – a terrible sin – and I knew it. But then again, I was a soulless monster, wasn't I? Already destined for hell, should I ever come to die…what would one more death on my cosmic balance sheet matter?

I took two slow, deep breaths, inadvertently drawing more of her scent into my lungs. My head was already swimming with that scent, already flooded with longing and desire. That blood, the sweetest I had ever tasted – just within reach. All I had to do was give in. But I couldn't let her know, no…

Plastering a reasonably believable smile on my face, I told her, "I am so very sorry." That I was harboring such a lust for her blood: that I was seriously contemplating just taking it because of the sweet, irresistible temptation… Even in the midst of this unsettling, bloodlust-driven turmoil in my brain, I managed to formulate a real apology.

"Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" That I made mistakes, too? And taking her out here, exposing her to my darker side, was one of my worst? That she just might not make it out of this meadow alive – or at all?

She nodded once, her smile faltering in light of what she didn't seem to realize was no teasing comment. Slowly, I caught a second scent on the air, which was accompanied by a slight increase in the tempo of her heartbeat. Adrenaline was pulsing through her veins now: she was afraid.

My lips curled into something less falsely genuine, but not quite the predatory sneer that I could feel trying to break through. I knew the truth of what I was saying, and in knowing that I wasn't lying to her, I hated myself. I hated what I was even more, and even as I could feel every muscle in my body protesting the last fragments of control I had – keeping myself from pouncing.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my _smell_." Which was just what had broken my rigid denial in the first place. "As if I need any of that!"

Leaping away from her, I circled the meadow – like the hunter I was, taking in her vulnerable position in the center of the circle. I moved too fast for her to see, but could still watch every nerve on her body fire to life. She twitched, as if sensing me circling her – leaving her trapped – until I came to a stop under that same tree I had run to, to hide by.

"As if you could outrun me." She would never reach the car in time, if I were to decide that I didn't need to fight myself anymore.

I could see in her eyes that there was still disbelief – not the kind that said she knew what I was telling her. The kind that said she was confused and didn't know what I was trying to tell her.

That was fine. There was yet another physical weapon I could use to demonstrate just how dangerous a position she was in. Reaching out, I ripped a branch from the trunk of a nearby tree. I carelessly tossed it into another tree, not needing to look to see that it had shattered, shaking the tree it hit upon contact.

Then I was in front of her again, my feet carrying me there without command from me. And I said, "As if you could fight me off," telling both of us that this was it. Her grave, her death: my murder, my death. Our deaths.

But oh, the temptation that was flowing through me freely with my walls battered and torn away! I couldn't help allowing my eyes to linger on hers, her face, and her rigid body. Her eyes shone with fear, and I could nearly taste it in the air. She was terrified, and I could sense it. And it was exhilarating.

This was what it was to be a vampire, a predator.

This was what I had tried to deny for so long. This was what I feared, and hated, and I reminded myself of that – trying, desperately, to break free of the snapping, snarling beast within me. This…this was only right, the only way I should, realistically, live. I was a monster and she was my prey. How else should we live – no, exist, since we didn't live? If we behaved the way we were designed, she should have died that first day of Biology…

As if I was surfacing from the drowning depths of a lake, I recalled what had stopped me. The two faces I had seen in my head – my monstrous self, with ruby-red eyes. And my father, the man who had taught me that it was possible to be a monster because of what I was, but not a murderer because I was a monster.

This was not right and this was not supposed to happen. I remembered that. I recalled what I had told myself that first day of biology, when her scent had hit me so hard I had found it nearly impossible to stop from killing her right on the spot. Hadn't I entertained the notion of killing her then, too? Planned it out in my head, thought of it while trying to distract my mind from the longest hour of my life?

Rationality was slow in coming, but I struggled for it. Was it right to kill this human girl – Bella, I told myself determinedly – just because I was experiencing a fatal lapse in control and judgment? No. She was a living, breathing woman – a woman I happened to love. I couldn't kill her.

I loved her.

Memory of my recent actions snapped back into my head, and I felt the sadness on my face, which had slowly replaced the predatory, monstrous expression of thirst. What had I done? I gazed at Bella now through different eyes, the same eyes I had tried to look at her with for so long. Not the face of a soulless demon, but of a man trapped in a curse. But a man, nonetheless: not a predator.

She was afraid. I knew it; I could see it. I knew that I deserved it. But how I wanted to wipe it away from her face, recalling what I had said and done. Nothing graphic, mostly a showcase of the dangers I presented to her – but enough to show how inhuman I was. Enough to terrify her: to make her wish to avoid me for the rest of her life.

I no longer wanted her to leave, but not because of my thirst. No, that thirst was being bricked back with titanium to the back of my mind. It was still there, but I was no longer letting it control my thoughts. I could hardly believe I had slipped as much as I had, allowing it so much reign over my words and actions. What was I thinking?

Simply put, I wasn't thinking. But that was neither here nor there: the concern was what I had said to Bella, done to make her afraid. I hated it: I hated myself. I wanted to reassure her. "Don't be afraid," I murmured. "I promise…" I couldn't. I'd promised she would go home – look how close I came to breaking that promise. I couldn't promise her anything. "I _swear_ not to hurt you."

Even as I said it, I knew that I needed just as much convincing as Bella that I meant what I was saying. How could I be sure I wasn't going to let my instincts run amok in my body again? I thought I was in control until the dam burst, through one tiny, accidental moment. I couldn't control everything, no matter how much I wanted to.

But I could reassure her right now, try and draw us both back to what was before that dreadful situation. "Don't be afraid." I moved slowly, trying my hardest to keep from moving too fast and startling her again. I wanted her to feel safe again, but I had double motives to keep from scaring her again. If I did scare her, I'd smell it: if I smelled it, my fragile control might, once again, splinter.

Then I was sitting in front of her, our faces barely a foot apart. I could handle this. I wasn't going to break from this. All the same, I didn't take deep breaths just quite yet, keeping them shallow. And I didn't touch her, making absolutely certain that I had enough control to sit this close to her – touch was out of the question, at least for the moment.

"Please forgive me," I said, my tone slightly formal – but hopefully a bit reassuring in its own right. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." She didn't say anything: just stared. I hated seeing her face so blank and wary.

I wanted to see something else in her eyes besides the draining-away fear. "I'm not thirst today, honestly." I winked, trying to make her laugh. Surprisingly, I succeeded. It was shaky and breathless, and more instinctual than anything else, but it was something. But she still needed more to reassure her completely.

Glancing between us, I saw that her hands were still draped on her lap from where they had fallen when I'd torn away from her. Testing myself, I slowly reached out towards her, thinking that I was in control enough to attempt to bring us back to that careful touching stage that I had been able to handle before my outburst.

Settling my hand between hers, I asked, "Are you all right?" I wanted her to begin talking to me, or at least showing that she was okay. She still seemed slightly catatonic, which worried me. Had I scared her too much? I thought that fear would be good for her; that fear would keep her safe. But I loathed being the cause of it.

I watched her carefully as she looked down at our hands, clasped together. Then she looked back up at my eyes: I did my best to try and convey how sorry I was in our connecting gaze. Then her eyes traveled back down to our hands, and – startling me for the second time – she deliberately went back to tracing aimless patterns with her fingertips.

My smile couldn't be hidden when her gaze was drawn back up to mine. With my own deliberation, I attempted to start a topic back up again. "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember," she sighed, her expression completely forgiving. There was no resentment or aloofness brought on by the memory of fear.

But I still felt guilty, ashamed that I had broken from something so little and fixed myself all too late. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason." I hadn't received an answer before she'd leaned in too far, exposing too much of that sweetly alluring throat.

"Oh, right," she murmured, as if just remembering. And perhaps she had just recalled what I had asked of her.

"Well?" I prompted when she had remained silent for a long moment.

And still, she didn't answer. Instead, her gaze was locked on our hands again. I could barely concentrate on her when that warmth was so intoxicatingly there, when she was touching me with fingers that felt like fire. And yet, I was still in control of myself. The walls I had built back up were stronger and sturdier than before: amazing, considering that these were constructed to quickly while the others were added onto over the course of the past few months. Perhaps it was the numerous additions that made the previous barriers weaker…

My metaphor was running away with me, distracting me from the intent and purpose with which I had questioned Bella. I longed for an answer, which I was unable to receive since she was unwilling to speak. As much as I sometimes disliked my ability, I longed for its use now. "How easily frustrated I am," I sighed aloud. My ability was really far too much of a crutch for me: I depended on its use more than I reasonably should. I just wanted to know what was on her mind so badly.

Somehow, my words prompted a response from Bella. I watched her intently as she said, "I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." That took a little bit of decoding, but an assumption clicked in place.

Immortality. Bella had already revealed that she liked me, 'too much'. And she wanted to stay with me – not here in the meadow, but in a much wider sense of the words. The only problem was that I was going to exist forever, and she was a human. She would die. The thought made my 'heart' twist.

Something much more pertinent came to mind, and my words came slow as I processed it. "Yes. That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." She would be so much safer if that desire was not met. Her forehead creased into an unhappy frown at my words.

I wasn't done yet, either. "I should have left long ago," I sighed. I should have stayed away, in Denali. "I should leave now." After, of course, I was assured that Bella would arrive home safely. "But I don't know if I can." Because I was trapped in my own web of denials, reasons and realizations…I was stuck.

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled. She didn't look at me, but I had the feeling that it was a bit of embarrassment that had her looking at our hands all over again.

I shook my head. "Which is exactly why I should," I tried to make her understand, but knew instantly that I could say all I wanted. It would still be a lost cause, on both our parts. "But don't worry," I told her softly. "I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

"I'm glad."

A shudder flew down my spine at those words. A living sensation in the back of my mind, behind those walls, snarled. "Don't be!" Prey was not wise to enjoy a predator stalking them. I withdrew my hand, attempting to emphasize my point. "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."

And that was diving off the deep end, through the boundaries of the knowledge Bella had, and the information I had yet to share with her. My gaze had drifted to the forest as I stopped myself from looking at her, from feeling terribly from startling – hurting – her with the truth that she simply had to hear.

She was silent for a moment, and I felt her eyes on the side of my face as I struggled not to look at her. How was I supposed to tell her of the lure of her blood over all other human scents? I knew she was going to say what she did. "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean – by that last part anyway."

A small smile flew to my lips as I looked back at her, seeing that perplexed yet determined expression on her face. I had seen that look on her in school, when she was learning something new. Curiosity. Even in the midst of danger, there was a typical-Bella-face.

"How do I explain? And without frightening you again…hmmmm" I didn't want to frighten her purposefully, at least not this time. She simply should know why I was so much more dangerous to her, and whether or not she was scared was her own prerogative. Without thinking about it, I sought out one source of serenity: her hands.

When she clasped them around mine, I couldn't help sighing, "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." Looking down at her tiny hands surrounding mine, I soon looked away to try and create some kind of explanation that she would understand.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?" She nodded, but I felt like grimacing. The first metaphor that came to mind, and it was food? "Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled, far too accepting and interested. My returning smile was rueful, and I tried again.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic." The symbolism between my 'recovering' from my rebellion was something only I could connect in my explanation, but I felt slightly uncomfortable saying it even though I knew Bella did not understand it.

"Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac – and filled the room with its warm aroma – how do you think he would fare then?" I stared at her for a long minute, waiting to see understanding dawn in her eyes. It didn't – which wasn't completely unexpected. My description wasn't nearly strong enough to convey what was really happening here.

Bella's scent wasn't something that was pure pleasure to draw in. It wasn't a wonderful, consequence-free indulgence. Any gratification from drinking her blood would immediately be overshadowed by what I had done. It was serious – and it was deadly. "Maybe that's not the right comparison," I said slowly. "Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." The passing thought became a statement of fact, one that clicked and fit perfectly, like a missing puzzle piece.

"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" Her tone was teasing.

I appreciated the effort to lightening the mood. "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin." I was pleased, oddly enough, that I had found a way to explain the addiction I had to her in terms that she understood. A way that she was capable of acknowledging was serious and hard on my resistance.

And, of course, she was still curious. "Does that happen often?"

Looking away again, I chose my words carefully. I never liked to speak of what I had heard in my family's minds, since I heard so much more than they told me. But in this case, it was simply a matter of telling Bella just what she needed to hear in an answer.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family." Which was saying something, considering how long we had all been together. "It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor."

That was true, but it was only half the story. His lack of strength in our lifestyle was also because he had lived the first years of his vampire existence by taking a human life whenever he was thirsty: he hadn't built up control over himself when he was young, and so he had to learn it when he was older.

I glanced at Bella, knowing that I was keeping some of the truth from her and feeling uneasy about it. I felt almost like she would call me on it and demand to know what I was hiding from her. "Sorry," I said, hoping that she would think I was apologizing for the references to scent and taste – not for keeping a large part of Jasper's past from her knowledge.

"I don't mind," she was quick to say. "Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." She never ceased to amaze me. And I was thankful that she accepted what I had told her, so I pressed on.

There was a lot more where that had come from. I drew in a deep breath, careful to look up at the sky and not as her as I did so. If I were looking at her, it would be harder for my control than just inhaling that sweet scent so strongly. Thankful that my control held, I pressed on.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as…_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not." He would have known: I was sure of it. "Emmett has been on the wagon longer," the 'vegetarian' wagon, at least, I amended. "So to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" she questioned.

"Never." Until Bella came into my life, I had never even known something like this was possible. Actually, I had thought a lot of things were impossible until we came back to Forks.

I should have known what she would ask next. I should have known that her natural curiosity would take us to a place that I hadn't even though about, but instinctually wanted to avoid in conversation around her. "What did Emmett do?"

My hands tightened into fists almost instantly, and I couldn't look at her again. How was I to tell her that my brother had failed what I was attempting to overcome? What good would the knowledge do either of us? Besides make us both doubt that I could keep myself from attacking her…

"I guess I know," Bella said, breaking the silence.

And then I couldn't keep my face turned away from her, and I needed to hear her say – something. Anything. I didn't even know what I wanted to hear her say when I pleaded with my eyes, my tone and my words. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

"What are you asking? My permission?" Her voice was sharp, startlingly so. Whatever it was I had wanted to hear, I knew that wasn't it. "I mean, is there no hope, then?"

And that was certainly not what I had wanted her to think. I didn't know what I had asked of her, but whatever answer I had wanted to hear – and didn't know – was going out the window as I struggled to fix this. "No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" But I almost had. "It's different for us." I tried to convince us both. "Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now."

There was hope. Already, it was a miracle that she had survived for this long when the first day I had met her should have – could have – been her last day alive. Seeing her walking, talking, conversing with me and with others…that was more than Emmett had accomplished. I felt terrible for thinking it, but at the same time it was the truth.

And, being Bella, she had to come up with another query. "So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and –" I looked away, unable to see her eyes as I confessed to this. She should hear it, though: I had decided. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years," I edited, uncertain how she would take my real age and past in light of what little she knew. "I wouldn't have been able to stop myself," I concluded, voicing what I had known for a long while.

She had no way of knowing that reminding myself of that day had stopped her death today. Glancing at her, aware of the grim set of my face, I remembered her expression as I had seen it through the haze of longing for that blood. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" I knew what she had seen on my face, and hastened to explain to her.

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone."

It was less than that, I knew. And I remembered clearly my first plan: not to even bother taking her away, but to commit a mass slaughter of the class. I certainly wasn't going to tell her about that. "And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

Again, I prayed she wouldn't pick up the fact that I was keeping information from her. There was no need to make her feel like her mere presence had also endangered the other students. Instead, as I looked down at her, I was reminded of how insane this young girl truly was as I told her, "You would have come." It was meant as a warning.

She didn't seem to take it as one. "Without a doubt." She didn't mean it in the way that said she knew how persuasive I could have been.

Frowning at our hands again, I knew that I couldn't stop myself from telling her more. It was like she had pressed a button in me, hard enough that it was now stuck and I could not keep the information and thoughts in my head any longer. I simply had to talk, to get everything off of my chest.

I recalled the remainder of that day. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there – in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there – so easily dealt with."

My censorship faltered slightly, slipping this information to her. She shuddered, twice. Despite her reaction, I couldn't help continuing.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself _not_ to wait for you, _not_ to follow you home from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was." Actually, it was mostly Esme whom I couldn't face, but I also hadn't told everything to Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett. Alice only knew some of it. "They only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

She started, obviously taken aback. I knew she hadn't even realized why I had been missing from school for the rest of the week, and knew I had to fill in the blanks for her.

"I traded cars with him – he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…" She would have said anything to keep our family together, anything to keep what happened in 1927 from happening again.

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." The memories of that night drive were of a long, seemingly endless night full of darkness and doubt. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances…" She didn't need to know about the Denali coven yet: this narrative was about something else entirely, not openings for her questions. I had to get this off my chest.

And I admitted something that I hadn't said, in so many words, when I arrived home. "But I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl" – not so insignificant to me now, I realized with a grin – "to chase me from the place I wanted to be?

"So I came back…" That was undoubtedly one of my more foolish decisions. If I had stayed away, she would be completely safe from me. She would have her own life, outside of my own. But now we were connected, however one-sided, by this love I carried. I didn't know if she felt the same strength of attraction, but I did. And it was irresistible in its own right.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again." It was absolutely necessary. "I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human." What a joke that was. "I was arrogant about it." I should have known that I wasn't that strong. I might have been a vampire, but this was a vice I had to fight with all my strength.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that." Much more than annoying, considering her less-than-loyal friendship with Bella. "And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating."

Recalling some of my motivations for our conversation, I added, "I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person." Except, of course, we usually avoided trapping ourselves in conversation with other humans, at least in school. The children that wandered through the halls of high school were some of the most infuriating, exasperating experiences I had ever encountered. It was a world of thought and confliction, all compressed into one building – a hellish experience.

But there was another reason for talking to Bella besides that less-than-stable one. "I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions…and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…" Maybe 'stun' wasn't the right word, but it was as close as I was willing to admit to her.

And then… I sighed. "Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her'."

I closed my eyes as I remembered it. That terrifying event, and the horrible fight that had followed. It had certainly not gone the way I had hoped, any of it, but then again – what had I been hoping for? There were always consequences, I told myself grimly. I couldn't have saved Bella without her wanting to know how or why – I knew that now.

But at the time, I hadn't thought of what she would think after the fact. I hadn't considered what kind of person she was, and what her curiosity would lead her to discover. I could only see her body, in my mind's eye, being crushed. And I had known I could not stand by and watch it happen.

Typically, she had a question and prompted me to continue my monologue. "In the hospital?"

I looked at her as I told her the truth. "I was appalled." At my thoughtless actions: never at saving her life. "I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." It slipped out without thought, without hesitation. As if I were speaking to one of my family – and not the object of danger and desire herself.

We both flinched at my word choice; I pressed on past it. "But it had the opposite effect," I reassured her, reminded myself of what had happened. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time…" The time to kill her: the time to do something about this problematic human. I couldn't tell her all that was said.

Just another half-truth: "The worst fight we're ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." Alice, because of her own little agenda: her own assumptions and visions of a future I was determined could not be. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay."

"All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word." I hadn't known her then for the loyal person I now knew she was. "I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible." As per my agreement and decision with my family… "And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day."

But now, she was no longer some threat to my sanity – her, herself: her scent was still a maddening torture. Bella, mind, body and soul, was no longer something I feared. Now I knew why I feared her so, during those earlier days of our relationship.

She held so much power over me, that I was sure it was only a matter of time before something unforgivable happened. And even though I had control over myself now, I didn't fully trust in that. I was still a danger, and I wasn't the only thing in this world that was a threat. But right now, I was the worst threat.

I turned to her, locking my eyes on her face and memorizing it. "And for all that, I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – I were to hurt you." Because I loved her, and that was all the simple truth I needed to know that I couldn't bear to hurt her.

She didn't see what I meant with that insight I had thought applied to everything. "Why?" Or maybe she just wanted to hear it all from my own lips. That was fine: it was something I felt like I wanted to do for her, whether she had wanted to hear it or not.

Carefully, I sounded out her full name. "Isabella." Without thinking, again, I brushed my hand lightly over her hair – soft enough not to kill her with one stroke, but not so feather light that it wasn't even a touch. Even her hair was soaked with her warmth. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me."

I couldn't look at her as I admitted what I had envisioned – partly dreaded, partly anticipating since I knew that it meant I had drunken my fill of that sweet blood. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable."

And when I looked up at her, the rest of the words slipped out without my permission. "You are the most important thing to me now." Not even that. "The most important thing to me ever." Once it was out, there was no taking it back – but I didn't want to. Telling her that truth made me feel lighter, freer.

She looked down, away from me. I could see her take a few breaths and knew that she was trying to find her own words. That was enough to keep embarrassment from welling up in me. All the same, I waited anxiously, like one of those male children who had admitted a crush on a female. I didn't like the sensation, not knowing what she was going to say to me.

Then, finally, she was saying, "You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here…which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." My heart soared – just as my lips twitched in a grimace. She added, frowning, "I'm an idiot."

My stomach clenched before I realized that she wasn't saying she should leave, that she shouldn't have come with me. Just a statement of truth as we both now knew it to be. But it was the thought that she reciprocated my feelings that made me lighthearted, laughing out, "You _are_ an idiot."

When she met my eyes, she joined in the laughter. And I knew that this love was sure. It was no longer a passing assumption in my head, an uncertain thought of 'probably'. I was no longer holding back on myself as I watched her amusement, released from her mouth in joy.

My reservations on the possibilities of 'yes' or 'no' answers to my love for her…they were gone with the wind, whipping away from me faster than I could draw them back. There was no denial for my feelings. I wondered how I had ever tried to deny what I felt, stronger than anything I had ever before experienced.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I murmured, unable to keep the thought to myself. I watched as her eyes darted away from mine, and she blushed. And smiled. Pleased.

Then she sighed. "What a stupid lamb." It was another statement of fact.

I had one of my own, which summed up everything – from my refusal to see it, to my complicated actions that lead to this point, to everything I did while near Bella, or which involved Bella… "What a sick, masochistic lion."

I was a fool. A fool in love…but a zebra couldn't change its stripes. I was the idiot here, not Bella. I could have refused to offer her this companionship, held myself aloof from her prying eyes and interested inquiries. There was so much I could have done to prevent this, including keeping the denial as strong as my barriers against my instincts. But I hadn't. I'd tried, but I had failed.

And, stupidly, I was happy that I hadn't succeeded.

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**A/N – To Be Continued….TOMORROW!**


	26. Exhilarating

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – As promised, the continuation of the lovely meadow scene. See, I do keep my promises! :) Now, obviously, this chapter is shorter than the previous, but I had to find a suitable place to cut it and the end of the last chapter was where, so…yeah. :)**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Exhilarating**

For a long moment, there was silence and I had time for my contemplations. Then Bella began to ask, "Why…?"

Then she stopped speaking. I looked back down at her, and smiled in encouragement. "Yes?"

She lifted her chin in determination, seeming to set her mind on a goal. "Tell me why you ran from me before."

My smile instantly dropped away from my face. I didn't want to revisit that scene. I didn't want to think about what I had almost done to her. "You know why."

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong?" My chest constricted at those words. How could she think that it was her fault? That she had done something wrong? "I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example" – she stroked the back of my hand – "seems to be all right."

What had I done to make her think that it was her fault I had lost control? Certainly, she hadn't helped my shakiness by leaning towards me – but how could she have known that my barriers were splintering? How could she possibly have known that I wasn't in full control of myself? Simply put, there was no way she could have known.

And, determined to keep her from seeing it on my face, I smiled gently as I tried to convince her not to worry and fret over what she could do to help me. The only thing that she could do would be to lose her scent, and that was impossible – so why should she worry? "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault." It was my responsibility.

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." I had to admit, that made sense – and would be helpful. Welcome. If she were being just a little bit more careful, more thoughtful of her own safety, it would help me immensely by taking away some of the appeal of her blood.

"Well…" I thought about what had caused me to finally break. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…" Except when we were hunting: then, we used every advantage we had to draw them in.

But I wasn't about to tell Bella that: what would she think when she was attracted to me? That I was trying to lure her in as prey, probably, which wasn't the truth. That was why I wasn't going to tell her that part of the problem. "I wasn't expecting you to come so close." Which was also true. "And the smell of your _throat_."

I stopped there – not wanting to continue along that train of thought, and not wanting to scare her. After all, if she were afraid, that would make it harder to keep from attacking her. Even though I had a surprisingly high resistance up right now, I didn't want to risk it breaking again.

"Okay, then," she replied flippantly. To my surprise, she tucked her chin in, covering her neck. "No throat exposure."

I couldn't help it; I had to laugh. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else." The sudden proximity to her throat, the blood pounding there without warning...she had just been too close, too suddenly, for me to be able to adjust to the temptation. I had control now…

Perhaps foolishly, I tested myself. Carefully, I raised my free hand and gently set it on the side of her neck. That was fine: I was handling this. I could feel her pulse underneath my hand, of course, but I wasn't jumping on her. In fact, the monster inside of me was quieting, somehow. My instincts, fought with for so long, suddenly seemed tired and weary. They weren't struggling against my control as much, seeming contented by this simple touch.

"You see," I murmured. "Perfectly fine." I was telling both of us that this was all right. Her heartbeat steadily increased, but it was the slow addition of torture that allowed me to stay in control. If her heart rate, skin temperature and closeness had hit all at once, again, I was sure that my control would have faltered.

Instead, the gradual addition of each type of lure allowed me to build up my resistance to her. Even the visual sight of her darkening cheeks was enough to handle. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I told her quietly. Carefully freeing my other hand from its captivity, I raised it to her cheek and brushed the glowing warmth, much like I had those days at school after our Biology class.

And then, with utmost tenderness, I cupped her face between my palms. The fiery heat that I could feel, rising from her skin into mine, was exhilarating. I knew that I had to do something – and instinctually knew what it was, even without a name or label. "Be very still," I warned Bella, wanting to make sure that she wouldn't move and upset the delicate balance that had formed between all the components of this encounter.

My movements were slow as I leaned toward her, and I was still in control by the time I had moved close enough to where I had to run away before. But now I was the one in control, not Bella: I was the one closing the distance between us at a carefully regulated pace, instead of the quick, thoughtless movement forward.

I knew I had control. I knew that I was in control. And as I gently pressed my cheek to her throat, I was still stranding strong over the instincts that demanded I turn my head to her throbbing heartbeat – and bite.

This test was unbelievably dangerous. I was a fool for doing it. And at the same time, I knew no greater pleasure than the knowledge that I was not killing her – and we were this close. I was still in control of myself, and she was alive.

Deliberately slow, I slid my hands down her throat, heading toward her shoulders. She shivered, and I caught my breath for a moment, afraid that I would break. But I didn't: I held firm and strong. My hands hadn't stopped in their motion, and soon they rested on her shoulders.

Careful not to move too fast – or in an indecent way, despite the strange intimacy of our positions – I moved my head slightly to the side. And right there, right beside my ear, came the pounding, relentless heartbeat. Her heart was strong and loud, and I could have heard it from across the meadow – indeed, from far into the forest.

But it was right there, instead. Right underneath my ear, within a ridiculously, dangerously close distance. And I was still in control…I didn't know how many times I could repeat that to myself without feeling exhilarated.

I couldn't help sighing at the sensation of warmth that crept to the skin of my face, as if I were under a heat lamp. It was infinitely better than a heat lamp, of course. And much better smelling…

Somehow, this masochistic pastime was peaceful. Through some strange reasoning, I found myself completely at peace as I held my position. I found that the struggle over my instincts was slowing down to a mere push or shove every now and then, as I detected the steady change in her heartbeat.

It was gradually decreasing in tempo. She was relaxing as well, slowly becoming accustomed to our closeness. She was no longer confused and wary, but instead, feeling calm. Knowing that she was perfectly fine with our closeness was…very nice.

I didn't know how much time passed, as I kept my ear over her heart. The shadows were lengthening and the day was dying, slowly, but I felt so at peace that I couldn't help wishing we could stay this way. This was safe, however bizarre that sounded. I was accustomed to her, so much more, now that we were sitting quietly like this.

When I finally did pull away, it was with one absolute certainty. "It won't be so hard again." If I could stand to be that close to her, touching her so fully, then surely I could handle this temptation from a distance away.

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked, her eyes glittering. There was a sense of wonder about her expression, which I couldn't help wondering about.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I asked. I hadn't felt – heard – any discomfort, but I wanted to be sure.

"No, it wasn't bad…for me." She sounded slightly dazed: I smiled at her inflection. A faint red sprung up on her cheeks. "You know what I mean." And she smiled, too, showing that she was okay with the slight embarrassment.

I stared at her for a long moment, before realizing that a phantom echo of her heat was still imprinted on my cheekbone. Wanting to share that with her, I grasped her hand in mine. "Here." I pressed her hand to my face. "Do you feel how warm it is?" Her heat had seeped thoroughly into my ice-cold skin.

Something flashed across her face, replacing the wonder. I didn't know what it was, but I felt inexplicably nervous when she whispered, "Don't move."

I decided to allow her whatever it was that she wanted. Closing my eyes, I tried my hardest to stay still when her hand didn't move away from my face.

Instead, it began to move on my face. Her hand caressed my cheek, fingers tracing my eyelid and underneath my eye, and then over my nose. The tingling arcs of heat that she left trailing behind in the wake of her fingers were all that I could concentrate on. And then her fingertips brushed around my lips and I could hardly hold in a silent sigh.

It escaped over her fingers, probably cooling her skin with the temperature. And she drew her hand away. I hadn't wanted her to stop – if only she could understand these feelings, these emotions I had never experienced before. I certainly didn't understand them, and I wanted to know what they were. I wanted to know. But I didn't know what it was she had excited in me.

Opening my eyes, I stared into her eyes again. Was this same feeling in her eyes? I couldn't recognize it. "I wish…I wish you could feel the…complexity…" The myriad of strange emotions that I couldn't name… "The confusion…I feel. That you could understand." Maybe she had her own melting pot of unknown emotions? I didn't know.

Raising my hand, I ran it over her hair and then, was back to touching her face. I wondered if my touch felt like hers had to me. "Tell me," she breathed, a request I couldn't deny.

But also, a request that demanded something I wasn't even sure I could give her. "I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger – the thirst – that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you." To a degree that she hadn't known beforehand… "And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though, as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely." And she was definitely an 'illegal' addiction for me.

Something else was troubling me, besides that. "But…" I couldn't help brushing my fingers over her lips, lightly and carefully. Mimicking some desire I wasn't sure I knew the name of. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think." And I was sure she did. I didn't know a precise name for the things that were consuming me, with that alien 'love'. I was, however, sure that these desires were the more human ones I had.

"I'm not used to feeling so human," I admitted. That was because I wasn't human – I was a monster – but that was something we didn't need to get into right now. Knowing my luck, she would side with my family's opinion on the matter. "Is it always like this?" I had to ask her.

"For me?" she replied, pausing in thought. "No, never. Never before this."

I had to pull away at the thought that she was in the same boat that I was stranded in. At least I wasn't alone in this uncertainty. But now, the problem was that she didn't have a surefire guideline for me – for us – to follow.

Enclosing her hands in both of mine, I tried to figure out a way to indulge in one of my desires – without putting her in danger. But, try as I might, I simply couldn't and ended up admitting, "I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know if I can."

Her actions surprised me. Slowly, with her eyes locked on mine, she leaned forward. This time I was ready for her to lean towards me: I had seen the intent in her eyes. Once she was closer, she turned her head to the side and leaned against my chest, her body moving forward with her. I could feel so much of her body heat, on my chest and legs as she leaned over them.

She sighed once settled against my immobile, frozen form. "This is enough," she told me.

A different kind of instinct compelled me to release her hands from their captivity. I pulled my arms around her body, lowering my face to her hair as I held her close. Her sweet scent rose into my face, but I knew that I was completely able to handle this closeness. That helped any reservations I held.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she told me.

"I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there." Just like I had love for another, hidden inside me for so many long years. And just like I had never realized I was capable of such affection for someone outside my family. Human instinct and my feelings were somehow entwined when it came to the romantic senses I had long denied.

We stayed in place for a long time. I could see the shadows lengthening, reaching us, and that we would have to leave if Bella was going to be home tonight. I didn't want to break our embrace – a position that was warming me, simply because Bella's skin was touching mine. But we had to sometime: Bella was, indeed, going home today. I was going to keep that promise.

When she sighed, I knew that she had realized what I knew. "You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," she answered.

I grinned. No, I couldn't. But I was getting better at reading Bella. "It's getting clearer." A thought came to mind, as I was looking at the growing shadows. There was no way we would make it back to the car in time to get Bella home if we were to hike all the way back. But if we went my way…

I placed my hands on her shoulders, and she looked up at my face. "Can I show you something?" The thought of running with Bella was, somehow, exciting. A part of me was uncertain – would she not like it? Would she be scared by the glimpse of how inhuman I was, to be able to run so fast?

But I reminded myself that she already knew how fast I could move. I'd proven it to her time and time again. The only new part of this was that I would have her with me while I ran, which was certainly a new experience. And I found such joy in running…I wanted to share that with her.

"Show me what?" she asked, all curiosity.

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." Wariness erupted across her expression. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." I smiled at her, attempting to persuade her that it was perfectly fine.

Her face was completely serious, and uncertain, as she asked, "Will you turn into a bat?"

Some kind of emotional high was already in place before she asked me such a ridiculous question. But upon hearing her words, I couldn't help crowing in laughter. "Like I haven't heard _that _one before!" I choked out. Because humans asked me all the time if I could turn into a bat in order to get out of the forest!

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." Her sarcasm was refreshing.

Calming the laughter that was still threatening to bubble up, I told her, "Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

She blinked at me. I could see her hesitating, wondering whether I was being serious or not. Smiling, I decided not to wait for her – I was excited and my head was clearer than it had been in days, despite the continuous murky haze of Bella's scent that permeated my entire being. Reaching for Bella, I soon had her situated on my back.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she said.

I snorted. "Hah!" She wasn't a statuesque young woman, like Rosalie, and neither was she a tiny pixie like Alice. She was average height, average weight – even if I had been human, her size wouldn't have been too much to carry. But since I had near super-strength, it was absurdly easy to carry her.

Her arms were wound around my neck, and I could smell her scent, just a little. But I wanted more than that: it was a torture, but it was also like drinking in her scent. Without really thinking about it, I seized her hand and muzzled my nose to her palm.

The scent was oddly sharp there, in her hand. I could smell it so easily, and it made me feel…thirst, yes, but also calm. Almost like we were back there, on the grass in the meadow, and I was listening to her heartbeat. There were happy memories connected to the scent engrained in my memory, instead of just the memories of how absurdly weak my control was.

Softly, so that she probably couldn't hear, I muttered, "Easier all the time," while releasing her hand from my grasp. Her arm immediately went back to its tight grip around my neck, holding her to my back. I could feel her intensely warm body along every line of my back.

I didn't wait a second longer to spring into the forest, my legs working quickly to carry me – us – through the trees at an incredibly fast speed.

The first time I had run, I had found the experience as strange and alien as everything else about me that had changed. And yet, I had also found solace and peace in the act: I had found running to be my escape.

It really was as symbolic as it sounded. I had never realized that I was running from what I felt until now: I had never realized that not admitting loneliness was another way for me to 'run' from what I felt, not until I had met Bella. My feelings had been denied for so long that I wasn't even entirely certain what I wanted now.

What was it that I desired so badly? What was it that I couldn't name, but felt so strongly that it was already irresistible? I was sure that if I had the time and opportunity to ask, Jasper would be able to tell me what it was without even thinking about it.

Maybe I could figure it out. I pondered it as I leapt over logs and darted around trees. Relationships, I knew a little bit about through observation and common sense. My family members all had very deep relationships, in the romantic sense as well as others.

I knew, also, that people defined the relationship. That what was right and commonly enjoyed by one couple wasn't necessarily what another couple found acceptable. People were all different – and so were vampires.

All this led me to knowing was that I wasn't completely sure what would be normal or fine between Bella and I. I wasn't sure we were on the same page, even now. Whatever the case may be, it all boiled down to many questions I couldn't voice aloud nor answer alone.

My concern was what I was feeling since that was the only thing I could really do something about on my own. Or, not on my own if that was the case: I suddenly realized what one of the desires I had long been suppressing was, my mind flew back to the closeness I had shared with Bella in the meadow.

The image that had come to mind when I was concentrating on one particular feeling was Bella's face, cradled between my palms. She was so breakable, I had been afraid I would hurt her at that moment. But instead of hurting her, she had seemed…if not pleased, at least content.

But it was her face between my hands that was drawing me. It was the sight of her, like that, which made me wish I could do it over again – and this time, instead of listening to her heartbeat with self-torturous gratification…I would be able to lean forward with a different intent in mind.

I was thankful that we had reached the truck by then, as I would have stopped in my tracks had I been running. That was what I desired so strongly? Well, it wasn't exactly a terrifying concept – if, of course, Bella wasn't going to protest against it. I could do that: I had the control for it. By now, if I didn't, Bella would have long since been dead.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" My mind was half on the anticipation of what I wanted to try, and half on what we had just done.

It took me a moment to realize that she wasn't answering me. Suddenly frightened, I said, "Bella?" Had a branch hit her by mistake? Had I not been paying enough attention? Was she hurt?

The answer came rather quickly now. "I think I need t lie down," she gasped.

I realized what was wrong. The speed – it was far faster than anything she ever could have experienced. And I already knew that she didn't like speeds. I felt a flash of guilt. "Oh, sorry." Again, I waited for her to loosen her tight grip on me.

Instead, we waited for another few minutes before she grudgingly admitted, "I think I need help."

I couldn't help but laugh a little, even as I felt the immense guilt weight down on my shoulders for putting her through that. Why hadn't I thought of her fear of speed before I ran? She hated when I drove over the speed limit, and even that was up to interpretation.

I gently loosened her hold on me, swinging her around and into my arms. For a moment, I considered holding her, just for a minute. But she was rigid and eerily pale, looking slightly sicker than I was expecting. So instead of holding her, in an attempt to comfort, I carefully set her down on the ground. "How do you feel?" I asked.

"Dizzy, I think." She was definitely dazed. I could see that her eyes were unfocused, and she was wobbling even though she was seated.

"Put your head between your knees," I instructed. For a long minute, we sat together and I watched as her breathing calmed, and her heart rate became steadier.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea." My guilt was slowly dissipating, although it was sure to come back at a time when it would be more appropriate for me to dwell. At the moment, however, I was still too full of the excitement that always accompanied my running. I truly enjoyed it, and even while I felt for Bella, I couldn't help being happy – and not just because of the running.

"No, it was very interesting," she protested. Her voice was weak.

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost – no, you're as white as me!" I told her, grimacing to myself at the comparison. I didn't want to think of her being as pale as me: that could only lead to contemplation about the vampire-Bella issue that Alice was certain would come to pass.

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time," I told her. There would be a next time, I was sure of it. It was impossible to stay away from her, so I would have to see her again. And I was sure that she hadn't just gone on her last run with me.

The thought didn't make her happy. "Next time!"

I laughed again, my hands twitching nervously as I situated myself in front of her, leaning in slightly. I was a bit nervous about this attempt at something…more with Bella. She grumbled, "Show-off."

And I answered quietly, "Open your eyes, Bella." I didn't want to wait any longer than necessary. A different kind of fire was burning in me, and not in my throat.

She obeyed, of course, lifting her head and blinking wide brown eyes. She seemed startled by how close I was, but didn't say anything. Encouraged, I began to try and say something. "I was thinking, while I was running…" Then I stopped. Should I just tell her like that? Plain and straight-out? It didn't feel…right, to say it like that.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope," she interrupted when my pause presented itself.

"Silly Bella," I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about." It was something I enjoyed, and I used the time while I was doing it to think. What else could I do while I ran?

"Show-off," she muttered again. I had to smile at her childish comments. There was something endearing about them.

It helped ease my nervousness, to smile. But I had to do it now, or risk losing the moment – and my foolhardy determination. "No. I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And, reaching forward, I took her face between my hands again.

I heard her breathing slow and falter, but I wasn't quite concentrating on that. I was listening to her heart, beating faster at the close proximity, our contact and what she knew I was doing. I was watching her face, seeing her eyes widen with surprise – and seeing not a flicker of anything other than anticipation and excitement.

And I was seeing if I was in control enough to try this. If I had enough strength to keep myself from hurting her as I did something that I was certain could be dangerous – or could be pleasant, if I could just keep a handle on my thirst. I could do this: it was touch, no different than in the meadow. No different than my hands, holding her face securely in place.

Yet, it was so much more different when our lips touched.

Of course, there was the feeling of the rising monster within me that hissed and snarled, as I did nothing more than lightly touch her lips. The monster wanted her blood, wanted me to shift my lips from their current position down to her throat, where I could bite her artery and feel the blood pump into my mouth, my throat. Her heart, feeding me her blood…

I pushed that thought away. It wasn't helping me stop the monster; it was just making my control weaker. Making it harder to stay perfectly stationary. This was only a test, a trial run to see if I could pull this type of headier contact off without causing a fatal accident.

And then, for an instant, there was nothing but the kiss and the sensation of her fiery, heated lips against mine. There was nothing but the knowledge that she hadn't tried to pull away – which I would have felt through my sensitive fingers – and there was nothing but the realization that she had wanted this, too.

Which was only exemplified when, suddenly, Bella was no longer motionless.

Her arms wildly flew around my shoulders, her hands knotting in my hair at a speed that was ridiculous for a human. Suddenly, she was pressing herself to me in a way that was far too tempting in too many ways. And her lips abruptly parted, breathing in but releasing her breath directly into my face: directly under my nose.

It was that scent that pushed too hard and too strongly against the instinct that compelled me to attack her. I had no other choice but to freeze, lock down on my body and try to get a tighter hold on that slippery desire.

At least I had left my hands on her face, which allowed me to push her back. It took much of my control to make sure I didn't use all of my strength. And all I needed was a little space: darting away from her again wouldn't help my control any. It hadn't the first time, and it wouldn't the second.

She opened her eyes as soon as there was a safe distance between us. "Oops," she breathed, her eyes locked with mine.

It took me a moment to respond. "That's an understatement." I felt like I had to say something, apologize however little, for losing control again. At least this time she wasn't frightened – which, in a way, was more worrying. How could she not be scared? At least I was still in control over myself, instead of my instincts manipulating my thoughts.

Bella spoke again. "Should I…?" Her actions belied the end of that sentence, as she began to try and back up. Her hands slipped from my hair.

I didn't move an inch, not even letting her go. We couldn't keep running – and besides, if she pulled away, that would inflame it more. Vampires were designed to enjoy chasing down our prey: we were hunters. Bella, running from me – however little – would only add to my inner battle. "No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please."

I could do this. I had done it before and I would do it again. I grit my teeth and attempted to calm myself. This was Bella, I reminded myself, Bella. I loved her. I wouldn't hurt her, not for a brief moment of respite from a thirst that would exist as long as I did.

And slowly, I was able to collect myself again. It was getting easier each time I did it – which was almost as terrifying as being so addicted to Bella in the first place. But it was part of this complex relationship with her, and that I simply had to accept.

Finally in complete control of myself, again, I found myself grinning in happiness at my success. "There."

"Tolerable?" she asked.

I couldn't help laughing slightly as I told her, "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know." My family had been right: Bella had been right. She was going home alive. We were even by her car, ready to leave. That was something that I had been terrified wouldn't come to pass.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry," she apologized.

I didn't want her to have to apologize, but there was no denying that this time, her actions had made it harder. Instead of allowing her guilt, I teased her to show that it was fine. "You _are_ only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she grumbled.

Smiling, I finally rose to my feet. The sun was even lower in the sky, now, and we should get on the road so Bella could arrive safely home. Holding out my hand to her where she sat on the ground, I waited for her to take it and pulled her up.

My heart felt so ridiculously light: from running, from being with Bella, from the first kiss – at least, for me it was a first kiss. Wasn't that some kind of milestone? I was too lighthearted to care. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I joked, knowing what she didn't know: that was all the 'expertise' I had, unless you counted accidental voyeurism by walking in on my family members far too many times to count.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she smiled vaguely. "I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive," I said slyly, hoping that she would agree. I liked being in control of things much more than sitting and letting someone else take charge.

"Are you insane?" was her reply.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I bragged, too buoyant on good humor to care. "You have much slower reflexes." She couldn't possibly deny that.

She raised an eyebrow, unwilling to admit that I was right on that count. She didn't seem to like being left as a bystander, either, but I could also tell that it was more a matter of pride that she drive, than a longing to be in control. "I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

That was her reasoning and denial? I grinned widely at the claim. "Some trust, please, Bella." Knowing that I was cheating, I attempted to lock eyes with her – hoping that the 'dazzling', as she put it, would kick in.

Her lips pursed and her hand drifted to her pocket. I saw her fingers twisted around an object – the key – and she seemed to be debating it. Then, she shook her head. "Nope. Not a chance." My eyebrows shot up. It hadn't worked.

And then she attempted to step around me, heading toward the driver's side of the car. Unfortunately for her, her legs wobbled underneath her, and I saw that she wasn't steady on her feet. She had only stood up in the same spot, after all, and not stepped forward yet.

I slipped my arm around her waist, holding her closely to me. Even if she hadn't wobbled on her feet, I wouldn't have let her get to the car without sabotaging her attempt to start driving. She was still paler than I liked, and I didn't want her to get dizzy while driving.

Leaning towards her, I let my breath drift over her head as I spoke. "Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." Then, teasingly, I added, "Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

"Drunk?" she questioned skeptically.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I smirked. In a way, of course, it was true: I'd noticed her inhale again, drinking in that venom scent that she probably found as irresistible as I found her blood.

"I can't argue with that," she sighed, pouting slightly. She held up the key and dropped it, making me catch it reflexively before it could fall to the forest floor. "Take it easy – my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I commented, just about to release my grip on her waist so that she could drag herself to the passenger seat.

Then, seeming miffed, she grumbled, "And are you not affected at all? By my presence?"

There were several answers to that question that came to mind instantly. Of course I was affected: I was still rigidly ignoring the instinct that demanded I drink her blood. But from her question, from the context of our conversation, I knew what answer I wanted to give as soon as the words had left her lips.

Leaning down, I carefully ran my lips along the side of her jaw. I wasn't about to kiss her on the lips again, considering her previous reaction. But this was safe. This, I could handle. And this made Bella tremble at my side, her reaction obviously enjoyment.

And instead of backing away immediately, I moved my lips all the way to her ear in order to murmur, "Regardless, I have better reflexes."


	27. Mind Over Matter

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I know, it's been too long, :), I'll try to be good and write more. In fact, in light of that claim, I have news for all of you, my faithful 'Sunrise' lovers: **

**_My goal this summer is to finish 'Sunrise'._**

**I know. You think I can't do it. You think I won't be able to. Well, I've officially decided to put everything else off for the rest of the summer (which I will apologize repeatedly for to all the fans of my other stories) and I'm going to churn out my work on these chapters, as much as I possibly can. I'm even going to go back and finish revising all the previous chapters so that I can put them up on Pel's Twilight fic site and then replace here, so that all those irritating-as-all-hell mistakes will finally be eradicated! It's a tall order for my summer, but…I think I can do it.**

**And then, once school starts, hopefully I'll be able to start putting together my Edward's version of 'New Moon'…which, you know, I can't remember what I decided to call it. Well, it's written in one of my notebooks somewhere, so I'll find it. Don't worry. :) Anyway…I just thought you'd all like to hear about my current goal. **

**So sorry if you like one of my other stories – I will get to them, I swear. But in the meantime…check frequently for 'Sunrise' updates, because I am officially going on a 'Sunrise' writing streak!**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Mind Over Matter**

Needless to say, I was the one who drove the two of us to Bella's house that evening.

She simply could not find it within herself to argue with me about the driving arrangement once I had taken the keys from her. I wasn't entirely certain what made her give up her claim over that right, but since it had been my goal, I didn't try to press the matter. I was curious, but not enough to risk enflaming her desire to drive.

There was something about the control I had while driving that called to me. I almost never let anyone else drive the car if I were heading somewhere with others. Maybe it was a natural obsession with being the one in charge, or perhaps my stubbornness showing itself through a simple and hardly meaningful action.

Whatever the reason behind it, I found that this drive was so much more enjoyable an event, ranking up there with that kiss I had shared, just minutes ago, with Bella. This time, I knew that it was because not only was I with her, but I was the one driving. Two of my favorite pastimes – although, granted, one was infinitely newer than the other.

I could not keep my mind away from the thirst, however.

It had dimmed over the course of this long day spent in her presence. However, just because it was no longer as strong as it had been, that didn't mean it was any less difficult to struggle with. The thirst was always there – would, indeed, always be there – and it was simply a matter of controlling myself that kept Bella alive.

And yet, after the encounter in the meadow…I was beginning to think that I still had a few tricks up some proverbial sleeve, with which I could win out over the instinct that compelled me to taste her blood. Now, not only did I have the strength of will not to kill her, because she was human…but I also had the mindset of a lover.

Not in the literal way, of course: _that_ was quite impossible while she was human. But instead, it was the affection – dare I call it _love_ – which I felt for her, that was giving me another reason to keep her alive. The thought of killing her was a sharp, fiery pain that could have equaled the agony of my transformation into a vampire – if that change were kept localized, on my heart.

And, of course, the other part of me was the instinct, which had no need for love. It had no need for the strange emotions, which it simply ignored in its quest to taste that sweet temptation.

Bella's voice broke into my thoughts, which had taken me far from the ancient truck in which we were both confined. "You like fifties music?" she asked.

I had not realized that my voice was blending with the notes and lyrics of the song playing over the radio, until Bella drew me out of my distracted thoughts and into the car with her. It had been an almost calming gesture on my part: not meant to ease her nerves, but rather, to ease mine. The repetitive echo of the lyrics had been mindless and somewhat soothing.

Now that I was paying attention, I realized that this was, indeed, some old-fashioned music. Her prompt was in one of the areas of human culture that I actually found some solace and enjoyment in. "Music in the fifties was good," I told her. "Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered in remembrance. "The eighties were bearable."

I remembered my memories of each of these times with ease: I had a long memory. And all the years and decades played prominently in my mind, generalized and filed into appropriate categories for easy reference.

My casual use of words that suggested first-hand experience seemed to prompt Bella into another question. "Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?"

"Does it matter much?" I hadn't even though about my age in comparison to hers. It didn't bother me…because what did bother me – the danger her life was in – was so much more important than a silly number.

She sighed. "No, but I still wonder…" A grimace appeared on her lips. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

"I wonder if it will upset you," I wondered out loud. Did Bella really care, or was it just her curiosity that had her asking me how old I was? Either way, I was sure that I would end up telling her – my age wasn't really an issue or secret, since she already knew my true nature.

It also didn't matter because this relationship would be dangerous no matter what age I was. Even so, it was my eighty-plus years of experience that had kept her alive. That much age, compared to her scant seventeen years, was somewhat of a blessing – even though it did mean I was quite a bit older than she. And yet, I was also eternally stuck at seventeen. My age upon my soul's death…

And there was the sticking point in this whole problem: Bella deserved so much more than I could give her. And I wasn't leaving to allow her that, because I was fatally attracted to her. Love, indeed, does not know a single boundary. It was also this love that made me question whether it was wise to tell her my actual age. After all, if it really did matter to her, the knowledge might scare her away from me….

Again, she interrupted my thoughts. "Try me."

Instead of keeping my gaze on the road, I turned my gaze to her face, intent on seeing what was held in her expression. There was nothing but the pure curiosity that I had come to expect from her over the course of the weeks I had spent studying her. She was interested in what I had to say – and, if I wasn't mistaken in my assumption – she was willing to hear my tale. She wanted to know. Would that be enough to keep her from being scared or upset by the revelation? Well…there was only one way to know for sure. And, despite myself, I found that I was strangely willing to tell her.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901." I paused there, casting another glance at her face. To look at her, one would think that I had simply commented on the weather, or something equally mundane: there was only polite, patient interest. Oddly enough, this was the reaction I had half expected from her; I couldn't help grinning slightly. I had gotten better at guessing her reactions, if I had a small success here.

"Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I heard her sharp, nearly silent gasp. This time, I was sure it was the information that I had been dying which surprised her. When I glanced away from the road for a third time, her eyes were wide, surprised and staring.

"I don't remember it well – it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." The agony of the transformation was, simply, torture in its purest and most basic form. It was no wonder that human memories faded, after that kind of pain. Carlisle and I had theorized together about the occurrence: that the human mind was not physically capable of handling the trauma of the venom's fire and thus, scrambled past memories to make way for the vampire's bloodlust and instinct.

Remembering that I was speaking to her, I continued. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget." I was expecting her to ask me how one was changed into a vampire, to be curious about why it wasn't easy.

Instead, she asked, "Your parents?"

Of course, I should have expected her to think about my previous family. "They had already died from the disease," I told her. My mourning for my parents had long been over, and the topic didn't bother me. "I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he…save you?" I resisted the urge to smile to myself as I realized that the question I had expected her to ask first had merely come after the one I should have seen coming.

Now, I had a choice in whether to tell her the full truth, or to carefully sidestep the question. If I told her, then I would be giving her information that might lead to that…outcome…that Alice preferred. That my sister had seen in her visions. That was something I wanted to avoid at any cost. I didn't know what caused the truth to seem like it would lead in that direction, but it was certain that I felt more comfortable contemplating a lie.

And so, I decided on carefully avoiding the gruesome details of exactly how a transformation from human to vampire came about. Instead, I focused on the willpower it had taken from my father to successfully control his thirst while he tasted my blood.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us…I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I paused for a moment, deciding to leave her with a single parting thought. "For me, it was merely very, very painful." Maybe that would be a deterrent; if Alice's preferred future loomed closer and hinged on Bella's decision.

For now, I was stuck in a brief silence that I shared with Bella. She hadn't asked anything more, and seemed to be silently contemplating what I had told her. That was good – I had given her some tidbits to think about.

I wondered why I had told her so much – and yet, was hardly surprised that I had kept blathering on. This was Bella: a young woman in whom I had, time and again, found a strange compulsion to share more and more of myself. And there was so much more to 'how old are you' than a simple number. She needed to understand a little bit more. I found myself strangely eager to unload some of these things on her.

My mouth continued on its own after a brief lull in the conversation. "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after." I edged around the whole truth of Esme's sad story by telling Bella, "She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" She paused, almost unable to say the word. Neither of us had actually voiced it, since that first time she had mentioned the vampire theory in Port Angeles.

I understood where her assumption had come from, and found myself correcting her gently. It wasn't like the information was particularly pertinent or important, but she was curious – and I was too eager to oblige. "No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak." If there is significant blood loss, less for the venom to have to burn its painful way through…

My eyes were locked on the road: I didn't want to talk about that any longer. Bella seemed to sense that, asking, "And Emmett and Rosalie?"

Hers was a story that I was not going to repeat in all the detail I had used in my own. "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me." With good reason: he'd known me well. The second I pieced it together, I had gone to him in righteous indignation to demand an explanation. I rolled my eyes at the memory of my…well, frankly, temper tantrum. But, as always, my father was more than willing to placate and explain.

So he had explained himself to me… "But she was never more than a sister," I thought aloud. "It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself."

Something occurred to me. "I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her," I told her, looking pointedly in Bella's eyes. Then I raised my hand – fingers twined with hers – and brushed the back of my hand against her cheek. Oh, yes – willpower was definitely something that Rosalie had a lot of. I had found that the temptation to kill the woman I loved was so much stronger than I anticipated, just this afternoon, and I had some forewarning of the dangerous circumstances of our meeting. Rosalie had been completely off guard and unprepared.

"But she made it," Bella told me, her gaze not even attempting to break away from mine. I turned onto one of the roads that would bring us closer to her house, taking a moment to think of my response.

"Yes," I admitted. "She say something in his face that made her strong enough." Even though she didn't know I had overheard that it was the uncanny resemblance to the child of one of her friends. I never told her I overhead that. "And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school."

And Rosalie, so happy to be in the center of attention, loved this place so much that I was fairly sure what we were all in for again. I laughed to myself. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years,_ again_."

Her lips twitched up in response, but she wasn't really in on that particular joke. She didn't know my sister well enough to know about her tendencies for dramatics. "Alice and Jasper?" she asked instead, bringing us to the last two people in my family that we hadn't spoken about yet.

I knew, immediately, that I was not going to go anywhere near Jasper's past. The covens of the South…that would lead to the Volturi, as well: I was sure of it. Neither topic was going to be broached with Bella, not if I could help it. I decided to stay in general terms of his past.

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another…family, a _very_ different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" she interrupted. I could see the interest on her face. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She _sees_ things – things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change." My jaw clenched as I recalled the sight of Bella with paler skin, with differently colored eyes – with no _pulse_. No _soul_ – damned, as I was. As my family was.

No. The future had to change, at least in this instance.

"What kinds of things does she see?" Bella asked, oblivious to the desperate declaration I had just made in my own head.

My sister could see many things. "She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

There was a note of surprise in her voice as she asked, "Are there a lot of…your kind?"

"No, not many." There were plenty to cause a threat to her safety, if they came here. However, there was no reason for her to be pinpointed as prey if – by our proximity – she carried my scent. Most of my kind would consider her marked as someone else's prey.

There was more to tell her, and I was careful in selecting exactly what I told her. "But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people, can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live…differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" she asked, as I turned onto her street.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North." We had made a fair few friends, even though they did not share our feeding habits.

Bella tilted her head to the side, a crease appearing on her forehead as she tried to understand. "Why is that?"

I stopped the car just as she asked, and turned my head to look down at her. I teased, "Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

She grinned back, her eyes still thoughtful as she appreciated my ongoing good humor. "So that's where the legends came from?"

The legend about vampires dying in the sunlight… "Probably," I answered seriously. It was a good theory, one that Carlisle and I had discussed before as well.

She returned to her questions about my family, the distraction of anonymous vampire-kind not enough to deter her from wondering about the vampires that lived here. "And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is_ a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." Alice didn't like to think about that possibility, and due to her cheerful personality, rarely did.

She nodded, and her lips parted as if she were about to ask another question. But instead of another query, a low rumbling came from her abdomen. A flush spread over her cheeks and her hand unconsciously flew to cover her stomach.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner." As I said it, I glanced toward the house. It was quiet, dark: Chief Swan's cruiser wasn't in the driveway yet. For some reason, my non-beating heart leapt, for we were still alone. The thought was exhilarating, yet scary.

"I'm fine, really," she said, trying to dissuade me from concern.

Trying not to think about our solitude, I formulated an apology for keeping her out so late. All day, as a matter of fact: she hadn't even eaten lunch! "I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget." I wanted to slap my own forehead. How could I have forgotten to feed her? I could have brought food with us, easily.

I had expected her to try and stop me from feeling guilty: that was just the kind of person Bella was. Instead, however, her quiet admission ripped through the car, igniting the spark of something in my stomach that prompted my former exhilaration. "I want to stay with you."

My hesitation was brief. I knew what I wanted, and it was only a matter of saying the words out loud that was difficult. "Can't I come in?" Immediately, I felt the informality of it make me uneasy. This kind of request would have been almost indecent in the days I was raised.

"Would you like to?" she replied almost immediately, seeming almost surprised.

But she didn't sound offended. "Yes, if it's all right."

I could hear her permission in the silence. There was no tension; nothing but that same peaceful joy that had lain between us since we left the meadow. I opened my side door, slipped out, and – in my excitement – ran around the car to open her door for her.

"Very human," she commented as she stepped out.

"It's definitely resurfacing." The traditions and standards from the society I grew up in had definitely changed in the days since I had learned how to behave and treat others with respect. Particularly ladies. Being with Bella awoke my desire to remember these manners that had been drilled into me since birth. I was happy that I could recall many of them.

I walked beside her to the door, and slipped in front of her to unlock it. I remembered that the key was above, perched on the doorframe, and moved quickly to avoid any delay. Bella had to be hungry, after such a long day with virtually nothing to eat. I moved faster than she could have seen to unlock the door and replace the key, and opened it quickly, allowing her to pass through first.

Then she paused halfway through, as if just realizing what I must have done. "The door was unlocked?"

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

I hadn't realized what I had admitted to until she flicked on the porch light and turned around, eyebrow raised in question. I knew that there was no answer she would accept but the truth – and yet, how did one admit that they snuck to the house of the girl they loved, night after night? "I was curious about you."

"You spied on me?" She was trying to appear angry. Instead of anger, however, a faint flush danced across her cheeks that signaled amusement by the color.

Knowing that she wasn't angry with me allowed a casual response instead of an apology. "What else is there to do at night?" After all, she already knew that I never slept. I wondered absently what she thought that I did for those long, dark hours.

She let it go, turning around and heading down the hall. I paused for a moment at the door, feeling as nervous as any other teenager invited into his girlfriend's home for the first time. Of course, I knew that I had no real reason to be nervous. If anyone had the right to be anxious about my being here, it was definitely Bella. Yet, she was the one walking down the hall, her back to me. So trusting.

I shook the thought away and strode quickly to the kitchen. I reached it before her, sliding into a chair that was the closest to the door leading outside. I had to be able to leave the room quickly and easily if something happened and I needed to get out.

When I had first entered the house, I was nervous for the same reasons any other teenage boy would be. Bella made me feel so much more human than I thought possible. The thought of being alone with her for the entire day was one thing – but alone in her house? It was more…intimate, personal, being alone here with her.

But the human emotions welling up within me weren't the only cause for my nervousness. I had to keep her safe, and that meant that I had to think of possibilities for escape, and for danger. The thought of being in the kitchen with her was particularly nerve-wracking. There were sharp knives and other dangerous implements, any one of which might inadvertently spill her blood.

I watched every move she made, glad that she seemed to be staying away from the sharpest, most dangerous instruments in the kitchen. In fact, I was so caught up in scrutinizing her every move – anticipating some disaster that would send this day in an abrupt u-turn of turmoil – that I barely realized she had asked me a question.

I didn't even hear her words, and my murmured, "Hmmm?" was a reflexive response, questioning whether she had actually said anything or if it was just in my head. I couldn't be sure it wasn't my imagination: she hadn't turned around and still faced the microwave.

But, no, her words were clear now that I was no longer distracted. "How often did you come here?"

"I come here almost every night." I had no lie ready to tell her, so I thought that the truth was the best. And besides which, I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop – for our successful venture to swing around and become deadly.

She whipped around to face me, her expression a mask of confusion. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."

I was still so distracted by waiting for something terrible to happen that I wasn't prepared for my own words to be a possible catalyst. Heat flooded her cheeks in a way that would have caused a spike in my thirst, had I not spent the entire day immersed in it. I didn't think it was possible for my thirst to get any stronger, and indeed, it didn't at the sight of that flush.

However, my human self was completely affected. To my chagrin, I realized that I had become so consumed by my predator self that I didn't even realize when my words were thoughtless. Denied quenching, my monstrous self merely snuck around to a back door, and hurt her in a completely different way. "Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" she gasped.

I waited for her to say something more. Instead, she stared at me with her reddened face and wide eyes. I had to prompt her to continue. "On?"

"What you heard!"

I could have hit myself again, for not realizing what troubled her so much about hearing her sleep talking. Of course she would be concerned about what she said! What else would she be worried about? I saw now that it wasn't anger that held her so still and flushed, but embarrassment.

Instantly, I leapt from my seat, appearing at her side. I wanted to reach out and warp my arms around her – a strange desire that had awoken in the meadow – but I wasn't certain I would be able to, right now. There was still the compulsion in me to touch her, however, and I settled for taking her hands in mine. "Don't be upset!" I pleaded.

She avoided my eyes, the blush of embarrassment still strong on her cheeks. I lowered my head to meet her gaze, holding it as I dredged up some of the things I had heard over those long nights standing guard over the sleeping girl. "You miss your mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green_.'"

She seemed to believe what I had already told her, but demanded, "Anything else?"

I could only think of one more thing – the one word that had made my resolve to avoid her break in the first place. This, I knew, would definitely be a source of embarrassment for her. "You did say my name."

"A lot?" she sighed, her cheeks darkening.

I thought back to those long nights, many of which were accompanied by the sound of her voice. I tried to remember exactly how many times…and decided to edge around the definite answer instead of replying factually. "How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"

"Oh no!" she cried, breaking our eye contact and looking down.

This time, the compulsion for contact was too strong. I was careful of my strength and speed as I swung my arms around her, pulling her slowly towards me. She fell into me, the position seeming ridiculously natural.

From down the road, I could hear the sound of a car coming our way. And the unmistakable tenor of Chief Swan's thoughts accompanied it, centered around whether his daughter was making dinner or not, and if not, where he wanted to order from.

Already, our time was being cut short. It was strange to think it that way, since we had spent the whole day in each other's company. I wanted to say something more – and so, careful of my control, I leaned down to her ear. "Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

Then there was the sound of tires on brick, and the headlights in the window. Bella stiffened in my arms, and I realized that I was forgetting something about propriety. "Should your father know I'm here?" I asked her, biting back a smile at my own ineptness. It was a silly thing to have forgotten, and I knew it wasn't as serious as it would have been in my time.

Bella seemed caught off guard, however. "I'm not sure…" she replied, uncertain.

She was trying to figure it out, whether she wanted me to stay or not. I could see the indecision on her face. But I was thinking ahead – if her father found me here, he would wonder how I got here. I would need to get a ride home, with Bella. I could always just have her drop me off on the roadside, near where my house was – but then again, she would be out even later, coming home. That was dangerous, especially since we had spent the whole day out. She needed her rest.

And I would be coming back here, anyway. Why not just…stay? Then again, she would have to explain something to her father – unless. Unless her father didn't see me at all…

I took the decision out of her hands. "Another time then…" And I released her from my cold grasp, disappearing into the hallway while she stayed in the kitchen.

A split second later, I heard her gasp, then hiss, "Edward!"

I couldn't help laughing before I sprinted up the stairs, slowing to a human pace once I was on the landing. I wanted to give Bella some time for herself and Charlie, and maybe a little bit of privacy while at it. I could distract myself with any number of things.

Slipping into Bella's room, I looked around, as I had never truly been able to do before. Whenever I was here, Bella was also there – sleeping and speaking, two things that drew my attention away from my surroundings. Now, unfettered by those restrictions, I could look around her room as much as I wanted to.

It was plain and bare, without much in the way of posters or other decorations. It was strangely Bella in that way, by being so simple. She didn't seem like the type of person to have much meaningless clutter.

There was a rocking chair in the corner, which I had seen every time I was there, but never sat in. Her bed was near the window, allowing for a gap at the foot and side so that once could walk around three sides of it. The desk and computer were set up along the opposite wall, and were slightly dusty. Hardly ever used. There was, however, a small bag perched on the edge of the desk, closest to the dresser.

Her scent was soaked into every little bit of the room.

I stood in front of the door for a long moment, simply looking around at my surroundings. I wondered what I should do. Would it be impolite of me to sit down somewhere, or would it simply be improper? I didn't think that Bella would really care about decorum at this point, though.

Any way that I looked at this situation would be improper, actually. So, why not just do what I felt comfortable with? I could sit in the rocking chair, but that felt oddly formal for this situation. Instead, I opted to cross the room and sit on her bed.

It sank slightly beneath my weight, and I ran a hand lightly over the coverlet. A small smile came to my lips at the oddity of this picture. It had been a long time since I had lain down on any type of mattress. My siblings indulged in the normality of that particular furniture type, but I never had. Only when I took some college courses did I have to make use of one.

Reclining on the mattress, I found that it was too short; my feet dangled off the edge. Casually crossing my arms underneath my head, I stared up at the ceiling. The thought, that this was what Bella saw in the light of the moon if she awoke at night, sent a reflexive shiver down my spine.

Her scent was strong on the sheets and pillow beneath me. I could almost feel it transferring to my clothes – not that there wasn't the lingering scent of Bella already there. From our hug, to her impromptu ride through the forest on my back, she had thoroughly saturated my entire being with her scent today. It was burned into my head, more strong than I thought possible. I had believed that I had her scent stuck in my head before now – until today.

And yet, somehow…it was almost easier for me to bask in her room, to lie on top of these blankets that were completely drenched with her sweet scent. It was easier for me to stand strong against the wall in my head that kept my more monstrous self from jumping to life and compelling me forward to taste her blood. I had almost become used to the fire in my throat. I had become used to the venom that pooled in my mouth, which I swallowed back like it was second nature, instinctive, again.

Downstairs, Charlie and Bella were eating their dinners. I had missed some of their conversation, but I tuned into them the instant Charlie's thoughts registered. _She's really not planning on going anywhere tonight? I don't care what she says; she definitely looks nervous about something. _Then I heard him say, "No plans tonight?"

I listened more intently, as Bella replied, "No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep." I could tell that she was lying without even seeing her face.

Charlie could, too. _She's hiding something. Oh, Lord, is there a boy? Please don't let it be a boy. _"None of the boys in town your type, eh?"

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." I grinned to myself again. Oh, really?

_Well, she's definitely up to something. I don't think I believe her. It's too obvious that she's hiding something. Boys are the only things I can think of in this situation. What boys does she know?_ I knew what he was going to say before he said it. "I thought maybe that Mike Newton…you said he was friendly."

The strangely sharp jealousy that I had felt before stabbed through me, shocking me again with its intensity. Even as I heard Bella's denial, "He's _just_ a friend, Dad," I couldn't help curling my lip in a silent snarl as I dredged up his face in my mind. I didn't like him.

I ignored the last parting remarks in their conversation, waiting for Bella to finish speaking to her father and come upstairs. I had eavesdropped enough for one night.

Thinking about my previous jealousy had me recalling all the new human emotions Bella had caused me to feel over the short time I had known her. It was so strange to feel so human, and it was even more out of the norm for a human to make me feel anything at all. And yet, with Bella…I felt so much that at times I felt nearly human again.

My contemplations seemed so short, even though I knew that they took longer than they seemed. All too soon, I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs and waited. I knew it was Bella because I did not hear her mind as she climbed.

She entered quickly, closing the door loudly but carefully: she faced the door as she closed it. Then, without even glancing towards the bed – where I lay – she nearly sprinted across the room, trying her hardest not to make a sound. She flew to the window, and flung it open.

By this time, my mouth was twitching as I fought off a smile. She hadn't realized that I was still here, even forgoing the flick of the light switch beside her door. Instead, she was leaning out the window, and whispering to the forest, "Edward?"

"Yes?" I answered playfully, still staring up at the ceiling.

Through my peripheral vision, I could tell that she whirled around, startled by my sudden appearance in her room. Her hand made a sharp move towards her face, and I thought that she was struggling not to clap a hand over her mouth. Preventing herself from screaming in surprise… A dark part of my mind chuckled in anticipation. I brushed it aside, reminding myself that I was only teasing her now, not stalking her.

She breathed, "Oh!" after a moment, sliding slowly down the wall.

"I'm sorry." But really, it was her fault for being unobservant. The irony of that thought made me press my lips together, trying to fight off a laugh that I would have to explain. After all, wouldn't I know my luck? She was ridiculously observant, noticing the things about me that marked my family and I as vampires. And then, the second it came to her own safety, she was woefully inadequate in the perception department.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart," she griped, her slight frame trembling slightly.

I sat up – slowly, so as not to startle her again – and reached toward her, pulling her away from the wall and to her own bed. I pulled her to a seat beside me, marveling quietly at my own comfort. It sounded selfish to me, but it was also so strange that I couldn't help but think about it. The first time I met her, I could barely stand to be in the same room with her. And now, I was sitting so close that our legs were pressed against each other.

"Why don't you sit with me," I said, distracting myself. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me – I'm sure you hear it better than I do." I laughed at her response, caught up in the unwitting truth of her statement.

We sat in silence for a long moment, and I heard her heart slowing just as sure as she could feel it. I waited for her to say something, knowing that the ball was in her court, metaphorically speaking. She could ask me to leave – and I would – or she could ask me a question – which I would answer. Anything that she wanted, I would give her. The compulsion I had to do so astounded me.

Eventually, she did speak. "Can I have a minute to be human?" she asked.

"Certainly." I gestured for her to proceed, to do whatever she needed to do. I prepared to leave the room, in case she needed to use if to change her clothes.

Instead of asking me to, however, she demanded, "Stay," attempting to look serious.

"Yes, ma'am," I agreed, smiling as I sat on the edge of the bed. I resolved not to move – I could do that quite easily, if of my own inclination. I could do it even more easily because she asked me to.

She leapt up, snatching a pair of clothes from the floor by hear bed. On her way out, she grabbed the small bag from her desk, left the light off, and closed the door behind her. I heard her footsteps on the floor, down the hall, and then the sound of another door closing. Minutes later, the plumbing rumbled and I could tell that she had turned on the shower.

I found myself concentrating, wondering what she was doing. It was mere curiosity, bred of all these long years during which I had no need of these nightly rituals. I only ever really needed a shower once a week, to wash away the scents and grime that came from wandering around in the world. After all, vampires didn't produce any kind of bodily fluid that humans created – venom was not a human fluid, after all.

I heard the sink run twice, and tried to remember what she might use the sink for. I was almost positive that it was to brush her teeth. Then her shower – it took her a long fifteen minutes, and I imagined that the hot water was soothing to her tired muscles. She would have been utterly insane to take a cold shower, after all.

Then, just as quickly as I realized that I was thinking of her in a shower, I hastily tried to think about something – anything – else. Several failed attempts later, I had resorted to listening to the game on TV through Charlie's mind.

After the shower water had turned off, I relaxed a little, mentally berating myself. I may appear to be a teenager on the outside, but I was certainly much older than that. What was wrong with me, to think about Bella on such indecent terms? Usually, I would ask Carlisle about anything that bothered me…but this bothered me a lot more than anything else possibly could, and I didn't think I could stomach approaching my father with this problem. In fact…it wasn't really a problem, just a nuisance.

I heard the sound of a door opening down the hall, and waited for Bella to show back up in her room. To my surprise, the footsteps instead receded, heading down the stairs. I listened in, shamelessly, as Bella bid her father goodnight and retreated back towards her room.

Her footsteps her slightly heavier and more rushed, and I counted the steps as she came up the stairs. She took them two at a time, and then practically raced down the hall to her room. I was facing the door, and watched her as she opened and closed it in one motion.

She smiled at me, and I responded in kind, finally given permission to move again. Unable to help myself, I studied her for a moment. Her long hair was still wet from her shower, and her sweatpants and tattered shirt were symbolic of her comfort with me. I raised an eyebrow, wondering if she was trying to give me that message of her ease with my presence. "Nice."

She grimaced, and I hastened to reinforce my comment. "No, it looks good on you." A part of my still heart throbbed at the idea of her feeling at ease around me. I wished that it could truly be so. But even if she wasn't as comfortable as her outfit seemed to say, she was still very beautiful. Even in old, worn clothes…

"Thanks." She whispered, conscious of her father just downstairs. We were no longer alone, after all. She walked towards me, taking a seat beside me, cross-legged. Her eyes were locked on the floor.

I wondered why she had gone downstairs to say goodnight to her father. She had already said it when she went upstairs the first time. "What was all that for?" I asked, somehow knowing that she would know what I was talking about.

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh." I hadn't heard any such thing in her father's mind – but then again, I hadn't been concentrating on the man's thoughts the whole time I was here. I was too caught up in the knowledge that I was sitting in her room. "Why?" I asked, wondering what she had drawn this conclusion from.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited." That wasn't too hard to believe.

But I was compelled to see for myself. Reaching forward, I gently lifted her chin so I could see her face. All I could see was her lush, vibrant skin and pink-tinged cheeks, even in the darkness of her room. "You look very warm, actually," I replied, wishing to touch her skin.

I felt strong enough to settle for something that was better than feeling her cheeks underneath my hands. I laid my cheek against hers, again moving at a sluggishly slow pace that belied the intense urge to touch her that was dammed up inside my chest. "Mmmmmm…"

She was silent for a minute, and when she spoke her voice betrayed all of the strength that it took for her to break our silence. "It seems to be…much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

I wanted to laugh at how wrong she was. This was taking all of my strength – and yet, there was no reason for me to want to stop, as masochistic as it sounded. "Does it seem that way to you?" I murmured, lowering my head even further. My nose skimmed against the corner of her jaw, and I lifted one hand to carefully brush her hair back from her ear.

My lips carefully touched the hollow beneath her ear. I found that this contact was just as pleasant – for both of us – than an actual kiss to her lips. It was less dangerous in that Bella didn't have the opportunity to overreact as she had the last time…and yet, it was so much more dangerous because it was on her neck. But I found myself perfectly in control, and that was what made the most difference.

"Much, much easier." I could hear her breathing, and her pulse, very sharply. It was a struggle to keep my mind focused solely on her – and yet, almost second nature by now, to push my instincts back.

And somehow, she thought that I was more at ease. "Hmm." I was succeeding, then, in trying to appear more human.

I certainly felt very human as I traced her collarbone, interrupting her thought as she whispered, "So I was wondering…" I couldn't help smiling to myself, at my success in causing her to feel the very way that I felt.

"Yes?" I breathed across her skin. These new human emotions were skyrocketing inside my body. I had never felt more like a teenage boy than I did while making her shiver almost imperceptibly underneath my touch.

"Why is that, do you think?" Her voice shook.

I knew that I should stop teasing her like this. I was inexperienced, not ignorant: I knew what I was doing to her. But I couldn't help myself, laughing with my breath hosting over the side of her throat. "Mind over matter." I didn't want to kill her – me, not my instinctual, predatory side – and therefore, I had to control my body. It wasn't suppression of bodily wants or needs, but the control to stop short of actually taking what I wanted.

Then she moved. Away from me: away from the grin that was centimeters away from slipping into a snarl that could rip her throat open.

The predator in me perked up as she moved away with her heart pounding, and her breath coming so shallowly. It took me a moment to regain my control, and even so, I had to make sure that I wasn't moving after her. I didn't want to scare her: that was the last thing we needed right now.

She stared back at me, apology and concern in her eyes. My jaw gradually relaxed from its clenched position, and I realized that she wasn't afraid. She wasn't worried that I was about to bite her, or thinking in any way of her own safety. It must have been… "Did I do something wrong?"

"No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy." It took me a second to comprehend that, and then I wouldn't have been able to stop my smile if I tried.

"Really?"

"Would you like a round of applause?" she replied sarcastically. A faint grin traced her own lips, dangling there and turning slightly silly. She was happy.

I grinned as I noticed it, even as I attempted to explain myself. It wasn't really my ego that was content with her praise. "I'm just pleasantly surprised. In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with…in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it…at being with you…"

"You're good at everything," she commented.

I shrugged. She had to be teasing me. I wasn't really good at everything. I had simply had more time under my belt than anyone could possibly need. I had experienced almost everything time and time again. That repetitiveness made it appear that I was good at everything when it was really just 'practice makes perfect' taken out of context.

When she laughed, I joined her. It was a release for all the good emotions that I had kept bottled up, ever since we successfully pulled off our jaunt into the meadow.

I knew that she wasn't going to let it go, and so I wasn't surprised when she pressed again. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

"It's not _easy_," I sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still…undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so." I had placed her in such unnecessary danger, just because I had not had the courage to make up my mind beforehand. Well, now I had firmly decided that she was staying alive, no matter what.

"Not unforgivable," she disagreed.

Of course: she had already forgiven me. Trusting, sweet Bella… "Thank you," I smiled. Then I looked down. "You see…I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" Careful of my strength, I picked up one of her hands and pressed the palm to my cheek. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be…overcome…I was…susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would…that I ever could…"

I struggled to find the words, and inhaled a breath of her scent from her wrist. I used it to remember how I felt that morning, but it was still exceedingly difficult to remember how I felt. It was especially hard because I was struggling at that moment. It was in a much less consuming way, but it was still there, in the back of my mind.

"So there's no possibility now?" Bella asked, woefully innocent of the dark battle raging behind my love-consumed thoughts.

"Mind over matter," I repeated with a smile.

"Wow, that was easy."

I wanted to throw my head back and laugh loudly, but I managed to dull the sound so that I wouldn't startle either Bella or her father. How could she think that it was easy? It was the longest, most torturous ongoing process devisable! "Easy for _you_!" I delicately brushed the tip of her nose with my fingertip, teasing her.

Then I could no longer ignore the seriousness of her claim. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was difficult to sit her beside her, touching her, without wanting to duck my head low and sink my teeth into her throat. I wished that those longings could be gone, but they wouldn't leave. And I wasn't leaving – at least, not yet. "I'm trying," I confessed, feeling almost ashamed. "If it gets to be…too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

She scowled. I ignored it: I knew what was better for her. "And it will be harder tomorrow," I added. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think." I had, after all, made up my mind today. There was no wavering between 'what if I hurt her' and 'what if I don't'.

No, there was simply the knowledge that if I did manage to hurt her, it would hurt me just as deeply. The thought seemed to quell the instinct in my head by a little bit more.

Bella surprised me. "Don't go away, then."

The thought was extremely appealing. "That suits me." I smiled again. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner." In direct contradiction to my words, my fingers circled loosely around her wrists. And I laughed again. I never laughed so much in my life, and yet with Bella, I couldn't seem to stop now that I was determined to keep her safe. Keep her mine.

That thought made a jittery sensation float through my stomach. Keep her mine…I liked the thought far too much.

"You seem more…optimistic than usual," she noted. "I haven't seen you like this before." She unknowingly echoed what I knew would be in my family's minds when I next saw them. My actions were much more different than even I was accustomed to. I knew I was acting differently.

What amazed me was that Bella saw it, too. I knew she was observant, though. And it didn't bother me. In fact, I simply found more humor and joy in her observation. "Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" It was much more different then I had ever thought it would be, even though I had never thought I would experience it.

"Very different," she agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

So many more emotions besides love were more than I thought they were. My mind instantly drifted back to my first real experience with something that was sharper, stronger, than my previous near-apathy. The words tumbled from my lips before I could catch them – but then again, I found myself wanting to share this with her.

"For example, the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. But it shocked me…" I grimaced as I remembered it. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

She nodded. "The day you started talking to me again."

I continued, eager to get the words out. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt – I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried _not to care. And then the line started forming."

A chuckle crept past my lips as I remembered it. I no longer looked back on it with those same conflicting emotions I had felt – because I was here now, with Bella. I had her, not them. The thought was possessive and slightly unreasonable, but still made me feel content, somehow…mostly over the fact that she wanted me the same way.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was _right_, moral ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I fell silent for a moment, hearing her heart thudding beside me. It was a reminder that she was there. She was still alive. "But jealousy," I continued, wrapping up my thoughts on it. "It's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" I shook my head angrily.

"I should have known you'd be listening," she groused.

She really should have. "Of course."

"_That_ made you feel jealous, though, really?" she asked, curious.

I had a good excuse for it. "I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh." And because I had never experienced it before, not like this or in this context: that made it all the more new and unusual.

"But honestly," she said, her tone teasing. "For that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, _Rosalie_ – was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

I understood, on a small level, what she meant by that. I wasn't unaware of the lack of self-esteem that many young girls seemed to have – especially in this spiraling-downward society. But I also knew that Bella…was Bella. "There's no competition." None whatsoever. I drew her arms around my back by her trapped wrists, holding her closer to my body.

She didn't sink fully into the embrace, but neither did she strain away. She was still troubled, as evidenced by her grumbling, "I _know_ there's no competition. That's the problem."

I decided that I had to go about this in a different way. "Of course, Rosalie _is_ beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I paused for a split second to let it sink in.

Then I grew contemplative again. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours…all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet." The realization was sharp and rung true in my head. She wasn't here, and I wasn't complete: she was here, and now I was. Was that love? Did I finally understand that elusive concept?

"It hardly seems fair," she whispered, her face moving slightly against my chest as she unconsciously nuzzled closer for comfort. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

I smiled at her words. How wrong she was… "You're right. I should make this harder for you, definitely." I shifted both of her hands into the grasp of one of mine, and raised my now-free hand to stroke her hair from the top of her head down to her waist. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity…what's that worth?"

"Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything."

"Not yet." Oh, certainly not yet – but she would, someday. She would long to have the kind of life she always could have had. She would want a husband, and children – a family of her own. And she would want all that life had to offer – and nothing that I could ever hope to give her.

I couldn't have children – it was a physical impossibility for vampires to have children. And I could be a husband – but any kind of physical intimacy was more than I could hope to accomplish. Even a kiss, even this closeness, was with the utmost control and delicacy. And I could not offer her a stable life, only one full of danger. After all, I wanted her to stay human more than anything else.

…_should be asleep by now. If she's not, I'll have to confront her about it. Oh, I hope she's asleep…_

She tugged at my wrists, but I was distracted by her father's thoughts and only realized a second too late that I might have hurt her if I had tightened my hold. Thankfully, I hadn't: I'd kept the loose circles around her wrists, instead of a firm hold that would touch her skin.

"What –" she began to ask, until I realized that I was, indeed, right about his footsteps. They were nearing her room.

Moving quickly, I released her hands and disappeared into one of the darker corners of her room, where I knew that no light from the hallway would reach me if Charlie chose to turn on the hall light. And if Charlie did come into her room all the way, then I could always dart out the window.

She stayed seated on her bed, seeming disoriented and confused by my sudden disappearance. I hissed, "Lie down!" as I waited, listening as Charlie drew closer and closer to her room.

Bella rolled underneath the quilt, curling into a ball. I had seen her fall asleep like that several times already: Charlie would believe it. The door cracked open, just as Bella began to take slow, even breaths. The movements were exaggerated, so obvious to my eyes that I was surprised when Charlie bought it.

_She really is asleep. Wow, I guess I'm more tired than I thought if I didn't notice she was telling the truth. Maybe I just expected her to be like other teenage girls. Well, Bella's not like other teenagers – or other people – is she? I should have remembered that…_

I waited for a moment, listening to him walk away far enough so that he wouldn't hear our whispers, before I stepped forward again. Overtaken by a sudden, daring urge, I slid underneath the quilt with Bella, wrapping my arm around her waist with my lips to her ear. "You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it." I could hear her heart pounding, the adrenaline of our close encounter with her father having brought on a rush of it.

Lying here, with her practically in my arms, made me think inexplicably of that song I had just finished for her. I hummed the introduction of the song, hearing her heart slow down as I did so. Then I paused, a twinge of awkwardness hitting me. Was she uncomfortable with this arrangement, with me under this thin quilt with her? "Should I sing you to sleep?" I joked.

"Right," she laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

I raised an eyebrow. "You do it all the time."

"But I didn't _know_ you were here," she protested quietly, attempting to sound cold but only managing to sound sulky. I smiled at her tone.

Her body shifted slightly, pressing a bit further back under my arm. She didn't seem to realize that her unconscious movement helped me feel more at ease – which was odd enough as it was, considering her father was down the hall and likely to intrude if we weren't careful, and I was a bloodthirsty monster with a particular penchant for her blood.

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I repeated, distracting myself.

Her breath caught. "If I don't want to sleep…?" she repeated.

I chuckled again. "What do you want to do then?"

There was a long lull in conversation, as I waited for her to answer and she thought of a response. "I don't know," she finally said.

"Tell me when you decide." I couldn't help being drawn to the feeling of touching her, of catching her scent right at its source, again. I bowed my head, my nose brushing against the skin of her jaw as I inhaled.

"I thought you were desensitized," she whispered.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet. You have a very floral smell, like lavender…or freesia." I loved it. "It's mouthwatering." That part, I didn't like, but I dealt with all the same.

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell." I laughed at her joke, and then sighed. I wished that she didn't smell edible at all. That was what made me the monster, after all.

She interrupted my thoughts, which was most welcome in this case. "I've decided what I want to do," she declared. "I want to hear more about you."

"Ask me anything." I would answer whatever question she could pose, if that was what she wanted.

There was a small pause before she seemed to select a question she most wanted an answer to. "Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you…_are_. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

I could understand her curiosity. In fact, I was surprised that she hadn't asked me before now. It was one that was first asked whenever our coven was discovered by any other coven, and it was one that I, myself, was very close to. I remembered my rebellion, and the reason I came back after it, very well. That caused me to pause for a moment, before I decided…no. I wouldn't mention that period of my life – at least not tonight.

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others – the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been…dealt a certain hand…it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

After I had finished, there was nothing but silence from her. I waited for a long moment, listening to her regular, even breathing and steady heartbeat. Finally, I had to ask, "Did you fall asleep?"

"No." Maybe she was merely thinking about what I had revealed. I felt strangely exposed to her, even in the still darkness of her room.

"Is that all you were curious about?"

I could almost hear her eyes roll. "Not quite."

I smiled to myself. "What else do you want to know?" I asked.

"Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future…why does that happen?"

I shrugged, a reflex reaction. I had expected this one, too, but that didn't mean I necessarily had the answer for it. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory…he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

I had to be careful, here. I said, "Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…" If I said beauty, that would only serve to deepen those feelings that I knew Bella had already showcased for me. She was a bit sensitive to our relationship, not free of the confines of one of the worst faults this society handed young women: a low self-esteem. Bella seemed fairly confident and comfortable with herself, but not enough to think that I could love her if she wasn't as beautiful as an immortal vampire.

And Rosalie's determination that she would not accept Bella at all, regardless of my feelings for her, was one of her most stubborn decisions to date. I knew that Bella would learn of my sister's disapproval soon, if she didn't already, and I knew that it would be easier to explain to her that Rosalie was stubborn by nature, and that she shouldn't feel bad about my sister's vitriol-infused glares, if I simply lied to her.

So I did. "…tenacity. Of you could call it pigheadedness." I laughed to cover up the lie, hoping that Bella wouldn't call me out on it, and moved quickly to my remaining brother. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

I waited, slightly worried that Bella would realize I had lied, but also giving her time to think and come up with a response. She did, of course. "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

That, I did not know. But Carlisle and I had discussed… "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal, right?" she teased.

"Right." I laughed, and gently pressed a kiss to her still-damp hair.

There was a short silence. I didn't know what she was thinking about, but I waited for a long moment before I asked, "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

I smiled. "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I liked the sound of many days to come, all spent with her. Together.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all." I liked her joking with me, like that. It was…nice, to be able to interact with someone in that way. It was so much more different from the way my brothers and sisters treated me, and the way I treated them. It was something else. Love, again? Or just a part of our friendship, which had led to that love?

"I won't leave you." I didn't think that I could. Well, I did have to run home at some point tonight, to throw on new clothes if I was going to see her tomorrow, too. I smiled at the thought.

"One more, then, tonight…" she said.

Then there was a pause. She didn't ask. "What is it?" I prompted her.

"No, forget it. I changed my mind." She spoke a bit more quickly, and I detected a hint of nervousness.

Now I was curious. "Bella, you can ask me anything."

She still wouldn't say a word. Intrigued, I let down my mental roadblocks, actually trying to reach out and hear her mind. It was harder than it sounded, especially since I didn't know how my ability worked. And still, I could hear nothing. I groaned aloud. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" I said quietly, trying to sway her. She only shook her head. Now it was time for threats. "If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is." Still no response: I tried pleading again. "Please?"

And somehow, she was persuaded to talk. "Well…" She trailed off again.

"Yes?" I prompted – again.

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that…marriage…the same as it is for humans?"

For a long moment I was struck dumb. Then I couldn't help but laugh as I realized what she was asking me. Marriage? That same topic that I had been contemplating a little earlier, in the context of what she would want in her husband besides children, that which I couldn't give her without possibly killing her? She was asking about it? "Is _that_ what you're getting at?"

She fidgeted slightly, and I knew that there had to be a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks. That she had been able to sum up the courage to ask me that was something else: it was very mature for her age. Teenagers were not the most mature people, after all.

I answered her as candidly as I felt comfortable doing. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh."

I couldn't help asking a question of my own, now that she had brought up something that I hadn't even thought she was considering. "Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?" I didn't see how it fit in with anything else we had been talking about – but she had to have been thinking about that for some reason. What had made her consider it?

"Well, I did wonder…about you and me…someday…"

And instantly, I was serious. That was a dangerous train of thought. Now I understood where she had pulled it from – after all…teenage boy, snuck into her room, and lying on the bed with her at that very moment? I'd been blind not to think of it myself, before now. I really was completely out of touch with being human, no matter how far I had gotten already.

In that context, I realized that it was natural for her to think of something like that, when we were laying here like this. But that wasn't the most troubling part – no, it was the thought of getting anywhere near that stage in our relationship with Bella.

When I was in control, it was hard enough to keep my touches to her skin soft enough not to bruise. If I were to lose control…in _that _situation, I definitely would…then there was nothing to stop me from killing her without realizing it. Absolutely nothing. The thought sent a chill down my spine, and I hated it immediately. I didn't want her dead; I wanted her very much alive.

It was hard for me to spit my words out coherently, and even so, I had to say them slowly. "I don't think that…that…would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that…close?" she guessed.

That hadn't gotten through to me, not with my thoughts of accidentally killing her. Purposefully killing her… I was frozen as a statue, but another chill went down my spine. "That's certainly a problem," I admitted. "But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident."

Lifting my hand from around her waist, I took utmost care to gently rest my palm against her cheek. "If I was too hasty…if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush you skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

Saying it out loud somehow made it more real. Not that it wasn't real before, but now that I admitted it to her, she knew. That made it slightly…different. Awareness and knowledge always did. I waited for a moment, hearing no reply. And then I asked, "Are you scared?"

I could already tell that she wasn't. No fear permeated her scent, making it all the more unbearably sweet. But it was her voice that I wanted to hear. "No. I'm fine," she said a minute later. I could hear a slight quiver in her voice, one that I could attribute to the realization that I was dangerous. And yet there was no hint from her that she wanted me to leave.

The silence was almost oppressive now, and I wanted to lighten the mood – and I had a curiosity of my own, now that she'd brought up the subject. "I'm curious now, though. Have _you_ ever…?"

"Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." The words were bitten, slightly sharp and angered. I realized, belatedly, that I'd been rude – questioning her virginity like that was not nice, and neither was it a very smart thing to say.

I didn't let a hint of worry seep into my voice as I hastily and carefully soothed her anger. "I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." Again, I mentally winced. Was that the right thing to say to her now? Or had I made it worse?

She didn't seem to think it was wrong – and in fact, I was beginning to wonder if it had been anger that made her words short, or embarrassment. Either way, I felt remorse for questioning her despite my curiosity. "They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all." She sighed.

Without thinking, I said, "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I didn't realize that I'd confirmed my own status, in that regard, until I'd said it. And she didn't comment on it, thinking nothing of it.

Instead, she began to ask another question. "Your human instincts…" She paused, and I waited. "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that_ way, at all?"

I didn't even need to think about it. The answer was definitely a yes: even I knew that, as inexperienced as I was. I laughed and ran my hand through her hair. "I may not be human," I reassured her, "but I am a man."

She nodded slightly – then her jaw cracked slightly as she yawned widely. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I reprimanded her. She had spent the whole day on her feet. She had to be exhausted.

"I'm not sure if I can." Oh, yes she could: I'd make sure of it.

Maybe she would sleep better alone. My heart throbbed slightly as I said it. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she was quick to say, her words not staying at the low whispering level but rising almost too loud. I laughed, even as I listened: Charlie had not heard. We were safe.

And then I began to hum the song I had written for her, starting at the first stanza, the introduction, and working my way through the notes that I had memorized before they were set on a single page. I curled my arm more snugly around her waist as she began to drift into sleep, holding her close. Her warmth seeped through me.

As I hummed to her, she fell asleep. I was left watching her sleep and finishing the song, with a smile on my face and contentment settling into every bone of my body. The day had ended, but this night was not just one in an endless eternity of darkness.

This one had a clear sunrise coming in the morning.

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**A/N – Yes, the last line is cheesy – Cheddar, Brie, Gouda _and_ Mozzarella! :) LOL. Anyway – if you skipped it, please go back and check the beginning A/N! **

**_VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION IN THE BEGINNING A/N FOR ALL 'SUNRISE' FANS!_**

**Thanks for reading!**


	28. Homecoming

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – You know the last time I posted, and the day I posted this? Yeah? That's how long it takes me to write this long a chapter. If I'm concentrating solely on that story. **

**Of course, I didn't concentrate solely on "Sunrise", like I said. I worked a bit on "HNE" too. Sorry! :) I just needed occasional breaks from trying to bring Edward's voice to life! :) Anyway…enjoy the chapter, ladies (and gentlemen…any out there? lol)! **

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**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Homecoming**

I kept humming Bella's song even after she had fallen asleep, listening to the way the notes really sounded in my head and trying to mimic them with my voice. All the while, I watched her sleep, calm and quiet in my arms. I waited for her to start talking in her sleep, the way she did every night.

And after an hour or two, her lips parted and she whispered nonsensical words and phrases, ones that hardly made sense. But it didn't matter to me that I couldn't understand her. It was enough just to hear her voice, to know that she was with me. With her in my arms, it was impossible not to fully appreciate the fact that I was no longer reduced to skulking around her room in the dark hours of the night. She knew that I was here.

For a while, I just listened to her rambling. The words were clear and distinct, and yet did not make sense in context with one another. I could only begin to imagine what she was dreaming about when she threw out words like 'cactus' and 'moss', but it wasn't that hard to draw a picture from them. She seemed to be talking about her home, and Forks.

Her body shifted against mine, and she sighed my name. "Edward…" I smiled to myself, placing another kiss on her head and enjoying her uninhibited mutterings. She would often say things that she wouldn't tell me otherwise.

As if to prove my point, she added, "Love you, Edward," as another sigh.

My arms stiffened around her. Ignorant of my surprise, she sighed again, pressing back into my embrace. Her mumbles drifted off in a disjointed discussion of the school cafeteria, but I could have cared less about that. My mind was solely focused on what she had admitted.

Did she mean it? And would I care so much if I didn't feel that very way towards her? It was useless to try and think of another alternative to why I felt this way about her. The fact that I felt an actual, physical stab of pain at the thought of killing her made Bella so much more than just another human. I didn't like the thought of killing anyone, and reverting back to my baser instincts, but it wouldn't pain me as much as accidentally hurting Bella would.

And there was some name for the fluttering in my stomach, and the ache in my chest when I thought of being away from her for any length of time. There was a name to the joy I felt when we were close, and for the bliss that clouded my mind for a brief moment as she muttered "love you" to me in her sleep. There was a name for the protectiveness I felt for her, and the reason behind the jealousy that had consumed me whenever another of her human suitors attempted to secure even a smile of approval from her.

Very simply, it was love. And I was in it, completely head-over-heels and lost.

I was shocked that I could have denied it at all. I wasn't blind, and I thought that I had a rather good grasp of myself. But maybe that was why I denied the change: I hadn't wanted to change myself. I was content with who I was and what I had. Why should I have strived to gain more? I wasn't hungry for anything that I didn't already have.

Or so I thought. Clearly, I had changed the minute I met her and had only clung, obstinately, to who I was before in an effort not to lose myself. Change was a scary thing, even for vampires – and especially for vampires that had lived for nearly a hundred years according to the same doctrine, who believed that there was nothing more to want out of "life".

I was wrong, and I could admit it to myself, now. This change was one for the better, one that I had needed. At least I had been able to allow the possibility of it into my mind, instead of ignoring it wholeheartedly. I was simply a fool when it came to realizing my own emotions, especially when the ones were awakened after a long dormancy of uselessness.

My eyes stayed locked on Bella's face as I waited for the night to pass into those darkest hours of the morning. I was content to wait – after all, I had more time than the world had to offer. Time itself didn't mean very much to me, except when it came to Bella.

The clock ticked down the minutes as she fell into a deeper, more restful REM sleep. When she was deep enough so that I knew leaving wouldn't bother her, I slipped out of bed. Instantly, I mourned the loss of her body heat. I could still feel the warmth from where her back had been pressed against my torso. It took a long time to warm my skin, and it would also take long while before fading.

I touched my fingers to my cheek as I circled the bed. Yes, the cheek that had been pressed against her hair had, indeed, soaked in her body heat like a sponge. I smiled as I crouched to the side of her bed, reaching out to brush her cheek with my hand. She uncurled slightly, leaning into my touch.

For a long minute I watched, debating whether I really had to go or not. In the end, however, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead. And I whispered, "I'll be back soon," as I breathed on her pale, warm skin. "I…love you, too," I added, at long last admitting it out loud.

She didn't react or move except in unconscious response to my touch drawing away. I turned around and lithely slithered out the open window, using the roof ledge and my arms to swing my legs off the sill. Releasing my grip on the roof, I dropped silently to the leaf-strewn ground beneath the tree. My impromptu acrobatics routine took barely a minute to perform.

Then I was turning around and running through the forest, reveling in the speed and thrill of moving faster than the human eye could see.

Moss-coated tree trunks blew past me at dizzying speeds. Leaves barely crackled underneath my feet as I trod on them, my step too light to break the delicate, fallen plant life. The sight of the woods stretching out around me, away from me, brought back all the wonderful memories of the day. A smile stretched across my lips as I recalled my success and Bella's wondrous expression as everything had fallen into place after the initial complications and struggles.

My smile was still well in place even as I reached my house. Nothing in the world could have made it fade from my face.

As I approached the grand white structure, surrounded by dense woods, I could hear the unmistakable sounds of six vampires walking around the house. Most notably were the three sets of feet tracing the floor panels on the first floor. I could also hear everyone's thoughts. From the second story, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were all in similar states of wonder, contemplating what could have happened that day.

The only thing my family seemed to know was that Bella was still alive. Alice hadn't told them any more besides that. And, on the first floor, my mother and father were waiting with Alice for me to arrive.

_…wish she told us. I want to know what my Edward went through today! All I know is that Isabella Swan is still alive, but Alice is keeping everything else secret! What if my son needs me? What if something went wrong, even if she is still alive? Oh, why can't she just tell us one little thing…_

_…Edward. Something must have happened, if Alice is keeping herself from blurting out everything that happened. She's been watching all day, and struggling to keep quiet, too. What has she seen? Why hasn't she told us what happened? At least it isn't something terrible: she would have told us if Edward needed our help…_

And, mixed between Esme and Carlisle's minds, Alice's excited babbling was directed towards me, specifically.

_Oh, Edward! You certainly don't need lessons in romance! And – and in her house! You flirt, you! And I told you; I knew that you wouldn't hurt her! Didn't you see how strong your control was in the meadow? Which reminds me – that was rude! I can't believe you sometimes! But then – oh! Oh…my…gosh!_

She was so excited that I was surprised she had been able to keep her mouth shut for as long as she had. It was mostly done out of respect for me, but she could no longer help herself as my feet hit the bottom step of the porch. I heard her, very clearly, through the walls as she forgot to direct her thoughts toward me. Instead, it tumbled out of her mouth.

"You _kissed_ her!" she shrieked, tearing open the front door. She flung her arms wide, hurtling towards me.

Ordinarily, I would have ducked away from her hug. Maybe I would have been embarrassed and shy, tried fruitlessly to deny it. But I was a different man than I had been when I left that very morning. Filled with elation at my success, filled with love for Bella, filled with joy and finally with true contentment…

I let my sister throw her arms around me, and my laughter mingled with hers so easily, so naturally. I stumbled backwards as she collided with me, and an echoing crack ripped through the air when she hit me. I had been unprepared for her actions. It only made me laugh that much harder.

Behind her, in the house, I could hear startled exclamations in both heads and in the air. Surprise and happy disbelief raged supreme in the emotional department – except for the addition of anger in one particular case. I ignored that one.

Alice let go of me almost two seconds later and bounded right back into the house, bursting to tell the story that she'd kept silently enclosed in her head. Her ranting drew me up the stairs. "It was so romantic!" _And Bella was so funny!_ "And perfect!" _Are you sure you don't have previous experience, Edward?_ "Right after the meadow, they ran back to the car and he kissed her!" _Which reminds me: how can she not like speed? _

I walked into the house still smiling and grumbled half-heartedly, "It was bad enough that you had to watch us – do you have to give them a play-by-play account of the whole thing?"

Alice whirled around, beaming. "Yes." Then she turned right back around, grabbing Esme's hands in her own. "It was so _sweet_!" _I have to tell them. You won't, and they should know how wonderful your day was. And why you're smiling so widely. _

I shook my head, laughing to myself as I closed the door behind me. Carlisle was watching me, his eyes wide and a faint smile on his face as he took in my own relaxed demeanor. _So everything went well? _He asked, summing up Alice's exuberance as she slowly riled up Esme.

A nod in his direction was all I managed before Alice had grabbed me again, spinning me around with her as she giggled. I let her, moving my feet of my own accord – she was just so funny, so happy over something that, by all rights, _I_ should be the most joyful about. Then again, I wasn't female: it just seemed to be different for them, for my mother and sister.

Esme clapped her hands and pressed them to her lips, trying her hardest not to laugh, herself. _I can't believe it! My first son…finally! I can't believe how happy he is! Just look how this girl has made him laugh and smile!_

When Alice released me, Emmett was behind me. His large hand clamped over my shoulder and I heard his booming laugh in my ear. "You actually kissed her, Edward?" _Seriously? Good for you. But as your brother, I now have every right to tease you for this! And I firmly believe that you are insane – she's human! _

I hadn't heard him come down, and I spared a moment to cast a glance at the staircase. Jasper was approaching us, easing around to stand near Alice. _Repressing your feelings could only work for so long,_ he thought, smirking. _I knew you wouldn't be able to do that much longer._

But Rosalie stood stock still at the landing, gazing down at the group below her. She had no intentions of joining us in our revelry, and she had no thoughts besides those that rose from her angered, strained tenacity. _That girl is bad news. She can still destroy us with a single word, a single action. And she can do it so much more easily now, with him so happy because of something so simple…_

I ignored her. It wasn't really that hard, considering I didn't want to listen to her fret and sulk over something out of her control, and which only affected her because it drew the spotlight to someone else.

Alice spun on the spot again, laughing and throwing her hands up in the air. "He kissed her, all right!" she crowed. _Oh, Edward, you were so happy! And so was she! She loved the meadow, and she loved being there with you. I could just see it on your faces! _

Esme sidestepped her madly giggling daughter, her large eyes wide. I imagined that they would have been full of tears had she been able to cry. Her arms stretched wide, reaching towards me for a hug – and I surprised her, pulling her towards me and spinning around much like I had with Alice.

I was just so…_happy_.

My mother let out a surprised, "Oh!" when her feet landed on the ground again. I laughed at her bemused expression and wrapped my arms tightly around her in that hug she wanted. Of course, the instant I did that, she was right back in her element and holding on to me fiercely.

_My son found love,_ she marveled, _in a human girl. Of all people, the human girl he thought he'd sooner kill than stand to be in the same room with. Oh, Edward, I am so proud of you. You didn't run from this. And I know how it scared you: you denied it, so. _"I'm so happy for you," she said out loud, a reaction that was perfectly expected.

But I was caught on just how well she really did know me, to know that I had denied it. That I had been scared of my feelings for Bella, which was something that even Jasper hadn't puzzled out. Or, if Jasper had, he simply hadn't told me. Maybe he thought it was obvious, that I simply had to know. Why else would I hide from myself?

I pulled away first, of course. Esme didn't seem at all unenthusiastic about having to let me go – maybe because I left my arm hanging over her shoulders. Alice beamed at me from under Jasper's own casual embrace, and Emmett stood beside them with his arms crossed over his chest with a wide smile lighting up his face.

Carlisle stood in front of me now. His words stayed solely in his head. _You had self-control, Edward. You see? You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. _

I raised my eyebrow and shook my head slightly. No, I really wasn't as strong as he said. I had been strong today, but all strength can eventually fail. _Well, if you won't believe me, at least you can believe in yourself_. Then he frowned slightly, and sniffed. His eyes widened and his lips twitched. _Well, there's the evidence that you really did spend all day with her…_

His actions caused a chain reaction, but it was Esme who said it first. "You smell like her!" she cried, her eyes widening as if more tears were threatening to fall. _How close were they, and for how long, for her scent to cling to him like that? _

I could have given her a verbal answer, but instead, I grasped one of her cool hands and pressed it to my cheek. It was still just a little bit warm – but I knew that she would be able to feel it perfectly. I smiled when her eyes practically popped out of her head. "No!" _Touching? That close? Do you see now how much strength of will you have? _"You're warm!"

"He is?" Three voices cried in unison. Only Carlisle and Rosalie refrained – my father, through sheer willpower not to add to the cacophony of voices, and Rosalie by pure stubbornness.

Emmett darted forward and grabbed my shoulder, and then patted down my arm. "What? No, he's not!" _He's as cold as any other vampire! What's Esme talking about?_

I rolled my eyes at Emmett. "Please, don't grope me," I protested weakly.

But Esme seemed to guess that I had been holding Bella in my arms. Perhaps she had felt the warmth when I'd hugged her. Either way, she ducked out from under my arm and moved her cold hand from my cheek to my chest. _He is! He did!_ "You held her…" she crooned, becoming a pile of mush. She backed away, clasping her hands together under her chin with stars in her eyes.

_He what? _Emmett had to check for himself. A large hand slammed into my chest, making me struggle to stay upright and causing a loud cracking sound. _Holy – !_ "He is!" _Her body heat's all soaked into you, brother! This is pure gold. _A twinkle appeared in his eye, and he began to rub his hand on my chest teasingly. "Why, Edward, what were you _doing_ with the human that made you so hot and bothered?"

I growled, slapping his hand away, but the smile didn't fade from my face for one second. And he didn't hold back his laughter, slapping me roughly on the back and creating another loud, cracking sound.

I'd barely been given a chance to speak the entire time I was standing there, but now I took an opportunity. "I appreciate your…interest –," more like _obsession_ in this case "– with my personal life, but there's really not much more to say than that I…I had a wonderful time. And she's still alive."

"And you're going back to see her tomorrow," Alice added. I raised my eyebrow. _I saw it,_ she replied, beaming widely. That explained it. "I don't know what you're going to do yet. That's undecided. You should plan something for tomorrow, thought." _Cue Esme: three, two, one…_

My mother turned her bright eyes towards me and beamed softly. _Do you remember what I told you before? After – well, I don't like to think about that argument, but when we were apologizing, I mentioned that you should take the 'next step' with Bella once you decided how you felt about her. Remember? _

I frowned, trying to dredge up the memory. "Vaguely…" Then I got it.

Esme said it herself instead of allowing me the chance. "Bring her home to meet us." A faint worry line appeared on her forehead. _Will she feel comfortable with all of us? Will we frighten her?_

My laugh escaped before I could help it. "Frighten her? Esme, I doubt that you'd frighten her. If I didn't scare her today, I hardly think a warm welcome from you would scare her."

Of course, my mother latched on to the least important part of my sentence. "Scare her? Edward, what happened?" she frowned, concerned. _Why would you scare her? That doesn't make any sense. _

_Oh, that was so rude of you. And also…well, scary. _"Edward had a little…control problem," Alice hedged, chewing her lip nervously.

I was much more blunt. "I nearly killed her." It had been so close… My previously light mood began to sink as I recalled just how close I had come to doing it.

Esme gasped – and somehow, with what could only be a mother's instinct, cut right to the heart of why Bella would be frightened. "She actually saw you lose control?" _But you regained it quickly, didn't you? _

"It was only for a few minutes. It was enough, though, for her to get the general idea of how dangerous I could be." More than enough. And still, she had accepted my hand back between her own, caressed my skin once more, and asked questions and offered answers as if nothing consequential had happened.

Esme's eyes grew warm. "And still, she didn't run?" she said, cutting right to the quick of the matter again. _You were afraid of that, weren't you? But she didn't. And you didn't kill her, did you? _"She loves you, too." I smiled, a bubble of bliss beginning to surround the idea when I recalled Bella's whispered confession before I had left. I saw Alice preparing to blurt, excitedly, what I had murmured to her as I left her room –

"No. She's suicidal." _And maybe for a purpose that we won't like._

Rosalie's voice shot down the stairs like a bullet, an angry harpoon that popped the bubble of our little impromptu gathering. My eyes found her figure, resolutely stalking down the stairs towards us. My lips pressed together tightly at her thought.

Esme was disapproving – and hurt. "Rosalie –" _Can she just not be happy and supportive? Why does she refuse to acknowledge something so wonderful? _

Rosalie transferred her glare from me to our mother. "What? It's true. He could rip her throat open without meaning to, and still, she doesn't leave him alone." _Can I not be a little bit suspicious? _

"Of what?" I asked her directly, forgoing any conversational pattern that would bring our family into the argument. This was between the two of us. I would not stand to see her anger and resentment fuelling another epic battle that would drag all of our family in.

She tossed her head. _That she might have an ulterior motive? I'm just thinking here, Edward – if she doesn't think about her own safety, why is that? It's either suicidal or a conspiracy. _

"Have you gone insane?" I replied coldly. Was she kidding me? A conspiracy? With who and for what purpose? "That's ridiculous."

_I know. That's the only thing I could think of._ She scowled, unhappy that her argument was so weak.

"Then why say it if you know it's untrue?" She was infuriating sometimes!

"Because no one else is!" _Not a single person in this family will think that Bella Swan is anything other than sweet and perfect, and you know that I can't do that! So I won't! She's – she's in the center of attention now, and I don't like it because she might not deserve it!_

I snorted. "That's a lie."

She clenched her hands into fists. _So you think that I'm only shallow? That I'm only saying that because I want the attention? Lucky me! Maybe that is what I want, all right? If it makes you feel better to think that way! But it still stands that I'm the only one who isn't swayed underneath her influence, and I'm not going to let that happen! Not ever!_

"Then make an argument for your case now. Obviously you don't want her coming here," I snapped, tired of this. I'd stepped forward, and the space between us was only a yard or two. I was speaking faster than a human could have heard, and her thoughts came just as rapid-fire into my head. "So why don't you just tell me the reason for that?"

She sneered, "Because while you've had practice resisting her scent, none of us have!" _If you won't consider it just because I don't want her here, then at least think about the rest of our family! This is the one place where humans never come on a regular basis. This is our haven from their maddening scents._ "And you're going to bring her into our home! This is where we live! Her scent will linger for ages!"

I really hadn't thought of that. But instead of letting me reply, Carlisle stepped between us. His tone was placating. "Rosalie has a point. But that only means that our entire family should have a say in whether or not she should be able to come here. We all live here: we all have a say." _Neither of them can argue with that._

Alice chirped, "I say yes!" _It'll be fine. Everything is going to be pulled off smoothly_.

Just as quickly, Rosalie snarled, "No." _I won't have the would-be tramp in our house! _I tried my hardest not to growl at her. It was unfair, but she had her convoluted reasons for it…I tried to remind myself of that. It was hard, but possible.

Emmett and Jasper glanced at one another. Emmett sighed and glanced at me. Rose has a point. _I'm not that sure of my own control. But then again, I don't have to hang around her if I don't think I can handle it._ Then he glanced at his wife. _Rosalie's already riled up enough. I should stick by her – maybe I can talk her down from it when Bella comes over tomorrow._ "No."

Jasper was watching Alice, who grinned encouragingly. "Yes." _I can handle this. It's better for me to try and build up my strength_. I made a mental note to talk to Jasper.

Esme said a firm, "Yes." _I want to meet this girl. Oh, I hope that she'll be fine meeting us._

Before Carlisle could turn toward me for an answer, I said, "It doesn't matter to me." Alice snorted, but I ignored her loud proclamations of otherwise – the ones only I could hear, of course. The truth was, it did matter to me: I wanted her to meet my family. I loved them, and I wanted her to love them, too. But to say it aloud…well, it would only strike up another argument with Rosalie. I was being…diplomatic.

Rosalie's lips were pressed into a thin line as my father glanced around at all of us. "I don't want to say yes," he finally admitted, "if two members of our family don't feel comfortable about it."_ This is their home, too. They shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome here._

And, to the surprise of everyone, Rosalie's face slackened. "Fine. Yes, then. Let her come."

They didn't hear what I heard. _She may well die when she gets here, if no one can help it. Maybe she'll get scared and not want anything more to do with Edward. And if she leaves here alive, at least I knew where she was for some of the day. She can't get up to anything – besides possibly breaking my brother's heart._

Emmett sent a bewildered look my way, but I stared right past him. I was watching Rosalie stride up the stairs, listening to her thoughts with a frown on my face. I hated that she was so vicious towards Bella, but I understood it. It didn't mean I liked tolerating it, but I still did so for the sake of my family's peace.

After a moment, Emmett nodded to Carlisle. "Yes." _At least I can say what I meant to now, without making her angry. Oh, no – did she want me to say no, still?_ He glanced at me for help.

"No, Emmett." He sent a grateful smile my way before darting up the stairs after his wife. I turned back to Carlisle. "I'll ask Bella if she wants to come meet you all in the morning. I left because she's asleep right now, but I should return soon."

Of course. Carlisle nodded. "Then it's unanimous. We'll be prepared to see her tomorrow." _Even if she declines the invitation_. He turned around and headed up towards his study, sending me a small congratulations and a request that I come see him before I go, again. I nodded to let him know I heard.

Esme began to look around the living room, which was disordered and chaotic as it ever got. _Oh, my goodness! We've been so messy! We haven't cleaned in ages!_ "I must clean!" she decided, placing her hands on her hips. Then she turned and made a beeline for the kitchen and closet where her cleaning supplies were kept stored.

That left Jasper, Alice and I in the entryway. Jasper turned to go, but Alice stayed put, likely having seen that I had something more to say. "Jasper?" He turned around. "You might want to keep your distance from her." I asked for her safety, because I would not tolerate anyone hurting her, and for his own sanity.

He wasn't hurt by my request in the slightest. "Of course." _That's probably a good idea. I was planning on doing that. Her scent it rather strong. Right now, you're making me hungry – and that's saying something, isn't it?_ "Go take a shower," he grinned.

I smiled in reply and headed towards the stairs. "I was planning on doing that," I replied, teasing him by repeating his own words. He laughed, and then I ran for the shower that was near my room, grabbing a towel from the linen closet before making my way there.

Rinsing my body thoroughly took several long minutes. I had showered before leaving because I was, actually, in need of one after a week without a single one. But that just made me pick up her specific scent even more strongly, especially since I was in actual, physical contact with her for a good part of the day. And now, I had to rinse her scent off of me so I could stop being hungry, too, if only for a little while.

I ran to my room once I was done, eager to get back to her home and watch over her. I didn't like leaving Bella alone, against the dangers that were out there in the dark. The thought of her being hurt because I wasn't there made shivers go down my spine, and made my movements more rushed.

My dirty clothes went flying into the basket and shoved away, out of sight. I grabbed a shirt out of the drawer, not noticing which one it was, along with one of the light-colored jeans that were stacked on a shelf. I was about to breeze right back out the door when I took a good look at my room.

When had it become so messy? Usually it was in neat, meticulous order. A whole eternity of nights made for many long hours of boredom, during which there was nothing to do but clean. Of course I knew the answer to that question. I spent so many nights watching Bella sleep…

Groaning and feeling like a human teenager lost amidst the chaos of a messy room, I began to haphazardly toss things into my closet. Soon, the floor was clean and I ran my hands lightly over the rug to fluff it, and then checked the leather on my sofa to make sure there were no rips in it. Then I used up a few more precious minutes organizing the CDs I had taken out of their neat rows. Finally, I stepped back and surveyed the clean room.

I applaud your efforts, Alice shot up to me from downstairs, where she had joined Esme in her cleaning frenzy. I rolled my eyes as she giggled, Edward, are you trying to impress your girlfriend with your wonderfully bachelor-influenced room? I'm sure that she'll love it – especially the couch.

Choosing not to reply to that suggestive thought, I left my room and headed toward Carlisle's study, remembering that he had wanted to speak to me before I left. My family was mostly busy, and no one would listen in on our conversation even if they had the time. We each respected what little privacy we could get in this household.

_Ah, Edward_, Carlisle greeted me warmly. "Come in." _I'm glad I get a chance to speak with you before you head back to Bella's house,_ he added as he slid a large volume off the bookshelf he stood before. He was in the back corner of the room, and I walked over to stand beside him, glancing perfunctorily at the shelves of books. This was the philosophy section, for lack of better term.

"I'm glad, too." I had always depended on Carlisle for guidance, and I knew when he thought I needed to hear something. This was one of those times. "You have something you want to talk to me about."

"Yes, I do." He turned, his back to the bookshelves and his face to the dark windows. There was not a speck of light coming from outside, but our eyes could easily pierce the darkness to make out the shapes of the forest. _I'm just wondering where to start. I want you to listen to me, and hear out everything that I have to say._

I frowned. It wasn't like Carlisle to be hesitant in speaking about anything with me. I began trying to come up with some reason he would be, but I simply couldn't think of any. "Just start at the beginning," I finally said.

_Very well_. "Have you put any more thought into how things are going to turn out between Bella and yourself?" he asked, facing me. His golden eyes were serious, dark in their concern.

I was still confused. "What do you mean? About our relationship?"

"In part," he admitted. "But there's also the concern of her…mortality." _Have you put any thought into that yet?_

If my heart had been beating, it would have stopped then. Now I realized what he wanted to talk about, and why he was concerned I wouldn't listen and hear him out. My reaction before had been rather…loud. And angry.

But there was a reason for that. I couldn't imagine my life without Bella now. For God's sake, she had told me she loved me just this evening! It may have been in her sleep, but it counted. It counted so much. I had just started this relationship with her, truly defining it, but already the looming doom of her mortality was on the forefront of my mind.

And to think of her as one of us…it was one of the most painful thoughts I had. For her soul to be snuffed out – or rather, burned away by hellish fires – was more than I thought I could bear to see happen. I wanted her, undoubtedly, but if the price I had to pay was stealing her soul…it was the worst thing I could do to her.

I didn't want to think about it. I turned away from my father, walking stiffly across the room toward the other series of bookshelves. My arms were crossed tightly over my chest, and I knew that Carlisle's sigh was supposed to be too soft for me to hear. I heard it anyway.

And I couldn't shut out his thoughts, either. _Edward, she's not immortal. She will die someday._

"Don't you think I know that?" I whispered through tight lips. "I know it very well, Carlisle. I know that our time together is…limited." That was an understatement. I would long outlive her. I would live until our time together was so short that it would seem like the blink of an eye to me. I dreaded the time that happened.

_That is one of my concerns about your relationship with her._ "You're so happy right now. Or, you were, when you arrived home. I've never seen you so content, and full of life. Do you realize that?" _My own son, and in all the years we have shared together I have never seen that expression on your face. I had never seen how that kind of love would light up your eyes. This human girl does that for you._

"She does. I…I love her, Carlisle." I could practically hear his surprise that I said it out loud like that. "I love her. And I can't do much more than live in the moment," I replied, my heart aching at the words. "I can only live with her while she's here. And have the memories."

"No, you don't." _It doesn't have to be that way._

Why did no one understand? "Yes, it does. I refuse to turn her into a monster." I turned around, glaring at him. My father, who knew the pain of changing someone into one of us, and still he tried to persuade me that it would be better.

The problem was that it would only be better for me. It would be selfish. It would be monstrous in its own right.

"She deserves a little bit of input, don't you think?" Carlisle crossed his own arms, mimicking my position. _This would be her choice, as well_. I opened my mouth to argue more, to try and make him see that I was right. But to my surprise, he held up his hand, stopping me.

"No, not now. You still have time, Edward. You have time to decide what to do." _After all, you would need to offer it to her, first. And your relationship is so new. It wouldn't be fair to ask that serious a question of her after so short a time of actually being together._ He smiled, the gesture one meant to placate and calm.

It worked. "That's perfectly fine." More than fine: I didn't want to discuss it at all. But… "I understand why you wanted to talk about it. Why you want me to consider it," I added. "I know that you only care about me, only want me to be happy."

"Good." He smiled wider now. _Your entire family wants to see you happy, and this girl definitely makes you happy. We just want you to always have that kind of love. And we see nothing wrong with offering to have her join the family. Just know it for when you realize that you need her for longer than a single human lifetime_.

I knew a closing comment when I heard one – even though I didn't agree with the 'when'. I would not kill her like that. Nevertheless, I nodded respectfully to my father. Then I smiled widely. "I'm going back to Bella's house. I'll see you tomorrow – with or without her." After all, she could refuse to come – but I doubted it.

Carlisle nodded and picked up his book. I left the room, fully intending to head down to the first floor so I could leave. But as I was halfway down the staircase, I picked up a stray thought of Jasper's.

_…not lending him any money. He lost, too, and we both owe Alice. I barely have enough to pay her as it is…_

Ordinarily, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Jasper had a little bit of a gambling fixation, which Emmett had dragged him into. They were forever placing bets with one another over anything that could be gambled on. However, I also always heard about the bets before one of them won.

I hadn't even realized that they had placed a bet any time within the past few months. And, thinking back, there were none they had made beforehand that would have dragged out this long. I paused on the steps, listening, and catching Emmett's thoughts coming from the same general direction.

_…just a couple! I have almost enough! Aw, damn, why couldn't I have bet with Alice instead of against her? That was stupid…_

Now that was even more intriguing. Why in the world had they bet against Alice? I found myself turning slightly, listening more intently as I tried to puzzle out what they had been betting on. I noticed Esme and Alice standing in the living room, watching me in confusion, but I was too caught up trying to figure out the puzzle I hadn't even realized was being hidden from me.

Then I heard Jasper again.

_…not to begrudge him any happiness or wish his control lacking, but why didn't Alice just tell us he would bring her back alive? She must have seen it. I could have saved my money…_

My eyes widened. Then narrowed.

Jasper and Emmett wouldn't have started up this particular bet by themselves. They would have been approached, by… "_Alice_!"

Beside Esme, she froze. Her eyes widened. She trembled. _Oh, crap. I didn't think he would find out so fast!_ I stomped down the stairs, planning to deal with the mastermind first and the idiot lackeys afterwards. _Oh, it'll be all right. Okay._

She didn't hide behind Esme, like I half expected her to. Instead, she stepped forward, crossing her arms defiantly. "I'm sorry, I know you're mad." _But I just knew that you wouldn't hurt her. I knew it_. "That's why I did it." _I just made a bit of money off them, and you know that I don't make bets I won't win, Edward_. "I'm really sorry, though." _Please. I just wanted to have fun._

By the time she was done apologizing, her husband and Emmett had come downstairs and I was no longer mad. Truly, I should have expected something like this from them. It was their way of teasing me, and I wasn't really mad about it.

But I was still irritated. After all, it was done to antagonize me, and it had worked. "It's still infuriating to think that you would bet about something like that," I bit out, and then sighed. Alice smiled, knowing I was no longer mad – just annoyed.

Esme stood between me and them, narrowing her eyes at the three of my siblings who had decided to do something stupid while I was gone. "What did you do?" she asked. _Please do not say they were betting again. I hate that. But what was it about, if so?_

I looked pointedly at Alice. "You tell her. I'm going – I'll be back later."

Alice glared at me as I turned around. _Oh, you – vampire! I don't like making Esme disappointed! And she's going to be disappointed in us now!_

"Then you shouldn't have done it," I said over my shoulder as I opened the door.

_But – well, point taken, but still!_

Laughing and waving over my shoulder, I closed the door behind me. And I waited outside, just off the porch, long enough to hear Esme exclaim, "How could you?" _Of all the things they have bet on over the years…_

I smiled to myself as I ran back through the woods, retracing the path I'd carved out with my numerous trips to Bella's house to watch over her while she slept. I made it back to her house quickly, and was soon sitting in her room again, surrounded by her scent.

My feet carried me straight to her bedside. I smiled when I saw that she was still curled up in the same position she had been when I left. I hadn't really been gone that long, if I thought about it. Only an hour or two had passed.

Her scent was strong again. The brief break from its constant presence made me less desensitized. I sighed, but knelt by her beside despite myself. And, with supreme care and control, I leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'm back," I whispered against her skin, smiling.

As I pulled away, she moved – as if waiting, all this time, for me to come back and unfreeze her with a kiss. Rolling over on her back, her neck was exposed to the air and her hair spread out across the pillow beneath her head. Of course it was her throat that drew my eyes first and foremost.

Taking a slow breath, I backed away from her, pushing down my inner self that positively roared for her blood. I could see her pulse in her neck. Turning away quickly, I headed toward the rocking chair in the corner of her room and sat down in it, placing a good amount of distance between the two of us.

And there I stayed, the rest of the night, standing guard silently over the beautiful, sleeping girl.


	29. The Cullens

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N – Whoo-hoo, I got this one done pretty fast! I'm so proud of myself. :) I know it's really late right now (uh…fifteen minutes to midnight). But I just finished checking it up and I want to share it with you. :) So, any mistakes still here: this time, I didn't catch them because it is really late at night. Sorry. My bad, my bad… :) Wow…I'm a :) addict this late at night… :) LOL**

**Please note that I actually also (finally) updated a long-worked on chapter of "Escape From Normal". I know I pretty much did nothing with that story since my birthday…so sorry…but I have a second chapter up now! Yay! :)**

**Uh, yeah. Just FYI. :)**

**Enjoy! **

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**Chapter Thirty: The Cullens**

Sometime in the pre-dawn hours of the morning, Bella had flung her arm across her eyes. Since she was asleep, it didn't bother her. It only irritated me slightly, from where I sat: her face was concealed from my view by it. She lay flat on her back, silently caught in her dreams.

I was first notified that she was waking up by her circulatory and respiratory changes. Her body lost the deep rhythms of sleep, and I watched her carefully for signs of awareness. The muted light of another cloudy Forks morning was breaking through her window by the time she woke.

My eyes stayed on her, watching with interest. In all the nights I had stayed here, keeping my silent guard, I had never once stayed until morning to see her stir from slumber. She moaned, rolled to her side – away from me – and seemed to be shaking her tired mind from her dreams.

A smile came to my lips as she abruptly sat upright, an, "Oh!" escaping from her lips. She went cross-eyed, dizzy from forcing herself upright so quickly. She didn't seem to notice my presence in her room, and I knew that I let her know I was there.

I couldn't help teasing her. "Your hair looks like a haystack…but I like it." My lighthearted mood from the day before had carried over into this new day.

Her exclamation made her feelings clear. "Edward! You stayed!" As did her actions: she leapt from her bed, scrambling out of the entanglement of her sheets. Her dark hair hung haphazardly in her eyes for several crucial moments it would take for her to gain her balance, with her feet on the floor, and I prepared to dart out of my seat to steady her.

But, miraculously, she stumbled over her own feet straight into my lap. She barely even seemed to notice that, in her unsteady and graceless rush to get to me, that she hadn't even tripped or fallen.

I had little time to notice, for I was so surprised – and apparently, so was she. Bella's eyes were misty and joyous when she first landed on me, but as I waited, her actions caught up with her still-hazy mind. Her eyes widened and a blush crept up her cheeks.

What else could I do but laugh? "Of course," I answered. Well, I didn't so much "stay" as "came back", but I figured that correcting her when she was still slightly bemused from her dreams would do no good.

And I was simply so happy to be here with her that I could have cared less whether she knew about anything else. My hands moved of their own volition, rubbing her back and scooting her into a slightly more comfortable position.

She didn't notice. Instead, her head fell to rest upon my shoulder. I heard her inhale, then murmur, "I was sure it was a dream."

Imagine, dreaming of a vampire staying in her room overnight… "You're not that creative," I scoffed. And surely if it was a dream, she would be safe from anything that might do her harm – which included me. Yet she wasn't safe from me…she was in so much danger, if only because I lacked the willpower to stay away from her. That ship had long since sailed.

Something seemed to remind her of her father. "Charlie!" she exclaimed, popping up out of my grip and heading toward the door.

"He left an hour ago – after reattaching your battery cables, I might add." I had stayed in her room the whole time, listening, only darting out once when he came in to check on her. Shaking his head, he had left for work, deciding that she deserved some sleeping-in time this weekend. "I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?"

She blinked owlishly at me, her gaze right there in the room with me, and yet somehow a million miles away. I knew that expression: she was thinking, considering something. "You're not usually this confused in the morning." Then again, she had been awake for a little while when I came to pick her up.

I wondered if she thought I wouldn't welcome her back into the close embrace she had startled me with when she woke up. Trying to make it clearer, I opened my arms for her, signaling my willingness. I would hold her all day if I could; feel her warm body against mine. The sensation was unearthly, made me happy in a way that I couldn't explain to myself.

Her lips twisted in a slight grimace. "I need another human minute," she confessed.

"I'll wait." I waited all night to see her awake again. I could well handle a few minutes.

She was out of the room quickly, faster than I expected her to. Leaning back in the chair, I smiled to myself as I realized that she was eager to get back here, and so rushed. I heard her footsteps in the hall, into the bathroom. The sound of the faucet, twice, and the soft clicks of items being picked up, then placed back on the counter. The faucet ran one more time, and then I heard her feet in the hallway again.

My arms lifted again as she entered, and she made a straight beeline for me. Her hair was brushed, and she's splashed water on her face – the edges of her hairline were slightly damp. She folded easily into my arms, as I murmured, "Welcome back," to her.

Slowly and gently pressing into the ground, my legs carefully began to move the chair back and forth as I held her in my arms. We were silent for a long minute, until Bella seemed to realize that something about me was different. She glanced at me, at my hair, and then her fingers brushed my shirt collar. "You left?"

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in – what would the neighbors think?" I teased. She only pouted in response, unhappy that I had left.

I couldn't help making light of her embarrassments again. She just blushed so beautifully – and, masochistic as I was, I couldn't help loving the sight of it on her cheeks. "You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything. The talking came earlier."

She groaned. "What did you hear?"

Remembering what she had said made me feel like I was glowing with happiness. The only problem with that glow was that it was tempered by the knowledge I had consistently shoved to the back of my mind: she should not say something like that to me. She deserved so much more than what I could possibly offer.

And still, I told her what she had said, pushing my own conflicted feelings on the matter to the back of my mind. It was easy, really: I didn't want to think about those things when I had my arms around her and I was so content, for the first time in my long life. "You told me you loved me."

She ducked her head, but her words were given with a soft tone. "You knew that already."

I smiled. "It was nice to hear, just the same." Even though I knew it was foolhardy for her to be so attached to me; it went doubly in light of what Carlisle had discussed with me just hours before. I shook it away, blatantly ignoring the depressing thoughts.

Bella pressed her face into my shoulder, trying to hide her blazing cheeks from my sight and not realizing that I could feel the heat of her cheek against my shoulder. "I love you," she whispered.

My heart felt strangely tight. I could have said the same words back to her – I'd already whispered them once to her sleeping form – but there was something much stronger, with much more meaning, which I wanted to let her know. "You are my life now."

There was nothing else in the world that could make me as complete as Bella could. She made me feel suddenly, vibrantly alive again, and even though I knew that it was merely an illusion, I couldn't help enjoying the sensation of being alive, however false it was.

I knew in my head that it was wrong, but my heart would not listen to me.

Honestly, I wished that I could make my feelings obey me, but instead I was the one tugged around by them. I was the one at their mercy, and even if I loved the results – having Bella in my arms being one of them – I didn't like the lack of control I held over my own fate.

It was a sudden loss. Before now, I was the one in charge of myself. I knew that I was fine being the only one in my family without a mate. I knew that I never needed anyone else to feel complete, in and of myself. I knew that I had an excellent amount of control over my baser instincts.

And now… I didn't like the prospect of being without Bella for the rest of eternity. I knew that I needed her to feel whole. And I knew that my strength was being sorely tested, and that it might fail if I was, for one second, not vigilant enough.

It was ironic. The things that I knew today, beyond a shadow of a doubt and with absolute certainty, were not the same as those which I had governed my life by for the past eighty-plus years. The change was unsettling. What else that I thought I knew was soon to be challenged?

That was something else I didn't' like thinking about. I wasn't sure I could handle any more change. I wasn't sure that I could still be myself if anything more about me was abruptly swung on an axis, facing the other direction. I needed to know myself, and I thought that I did. What else did I need to reevaluate in order to be sure?

Whatever else it was, right now was not the time for it. It was enjoyable, basking in the warmth that seeped through Bella's skin and into mine, but the sun was steadily rising in the sky as I thought. I recalled my mistake from yesterday. Determined not to forget today, I reminded Bella, "Breakfast time."

For a moment, I didn't realize that she had only pulled away a little, instead of standing completely. I watched her, confused as her eyes widened, she stared at me – and her hands went to her throat. Covering it.

Did she honestly think that was what I meant? Did she truly believe that I was going to bite her? After the entire day yesterday, after all our time spent together and – and still, she did this! It was like a stab in the chest, to think that she believed I would kill her. I didn't want to, no matter what my instincts prompted of me. Something in my chest tightened painfully.

My mind was slow to react, slow to process, when she snickered. "Kidding! And you said I couldn't act!"

Once I had processed that she was joking, the tightness in my chest relaxed. Scowling, I told her, "That wasn't funny."

"It was very funny, and you know it." But her eyes showed a brief flare of hesitancy, and I saw that she was worried I would be mad: that I wouldn't forgive her for playing a game with my head.

There was no reason not to forgive her. And now that I caught up with what was going through her head, I knew that she didn't mean anything other than playfulness. "Shall I rephrase?" I asked, redirecting myself from the wounded thoughts I had conjured. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Oh, okay." She made to get up, making it only just off my lap.

Then I moved too fast for her, spontaneously deciding that more lightheartedness was a good idea. Faster than she could notice, I stood and grabbed her around the waist, slinging her up and over my shoulder. I was careful, making sure not to break her.

Her protests started almost immediately, once her brain caught up with the speed in which I had moved. Instead of answering her, however, I simply walked out of her room, down the hall and stairs, and to the kitchen.

Once we reached it, I set her down in a chair and backed away, pleased with my success. Although she had protested, never once had she actually been mad. Even now, her eyes glimmered with amusement.

Never once breaking her expression of quiet mirth, she asked, "What's for breakfast?"

That threw me off guard. What did humans eat for breakfast? For that matter, how did one go about making food edible, period? I knew some things that one could eat – for instance, mushroom ravioli – but I didn't know how to make them. But I would try – for her. "Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?"

A wide grin spread across her face, and she stood from the table. "That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

Although the slight towards my own feeding habits was ignored, I did obey her demand. I memorized what she was doing, knowing that I might need it for later if we repeated this routine again. She pulled out a bowl from the cabinet, and a box of cereal from a cupboard. Then she poured the cereal, replaced that container, and pulled out a milk one. After replacing that one in the fridge, she pulled out a spoon from a drawer and headed back to the table.

She was just about to eat when she paused, glancing up at me. I'd stayed put in the middle of the kitchen as I watched her, and now I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to say what she wanted to say. "Can I get you anything?"

I rolled my eyes. Was that another jab at my diet? If she really didn't think much of making jokes about it, then she really did not understand just how much my food choice could affect her. "Just eat, Bella."

Bella did so, but kept staring back at me as she spooned the cereal into her mouth. After a long moment of silence, she interrupted her eating to ask, "What's on the agenda for today?"

She'd brought up the subject so quickly. I searched for the way to phrase it to her. "Hmmm… What would you say to meeting my family?"

Her loud gulp made me feel like laughing. Her scent strengthened slightly, and I swallowed venom back. I knew it was fear that made it seem a little more potent. She wasn't afraid while alone with me, but faced with the prospect of meeting my family… "Are you afraid now?"

She didn't even try to deny it, which was good – I could see the fear in her eyes. "Yes."

I couldn't help smirking a little bit, noting that I had somehow changed from a threat that she wasn't afraid of, into a protector against those who were less dangerous to her than I. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of _them_," she said hurriedly. "I'm afraid they won't…like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone…like me…home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

I was surprised, but after a second of thinking I realized that I should have seen that concern already. Bella wasn't like other humans: I should have known that it wouldn't be the danger that worried her, but the vampires themselves. I almost rolled my eyes at her lack of concern for her own safety.

But her question prompted other thoughts – like what had happened when I went home, and what they knew the whole day while I was out with her. "Oh, they already know everything." Including some things that Bella didn't even know about… "They'd taken bets yesterday, you know, on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine." The thought of those bets was still irritating… "At any rate," I added, "we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

"You paid attention," I smiled.

"I've been known to do that every now and then." She frowned slightly, grimacing as she thought about something. "So did Alice see me coming?"

I knew what she meant by the question. But for some reason, my mind went to the images that were never far from mind – the things that Alice had seen. And the way she was so determined that Bella would be joining us, permanently. "Something like that," I replied, turning away from her. If I looked at her now, I'd be comparing the mental images of vampire-Bella and human Bella in my head. I didn't even want to think about it, much less picture it…

I was surprised that Alice hadn't flung those images at me as I was leaving the house earlier, but I suspected that she had just been caught up in her excitement. Most likely, once I arrived home with Bella she would be flinging comparisons at me for the rest of the day, trying to convince me that Bella would belong with us. Another family member: another vampire.

I was being rude. And I didn't want to think about that conflict anymore. "Is that any good?" I asked, turning around. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing." I eyed her food for a moment.

"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" I scowled at her remark. More jabs at my diet. Didn't she understand that it was dangerous to her? Then again, making light of it might be helping her come to terms with the reality of it…

But how could someone "come to terms" with that kind of danger? Or – more importantly – would her understanding of the fact that I drank blood to survive make her less cautious around me? I had refrained from hurting her so far. What if she interpreted that transition into something more than it was?

I might have had greater control around her now than I did when we first met. However, that didn't mean I was free of my craving. It simply meant that I was getting better at pushing it back. She wasn't that much safer around me than before.

That made me question what I was doing even more. I was addicted to her touch, to her scent once I had been immersed in it for hours. I was unbelievably happy when I was around her, and I found myself more lighthearted and teasing then I could ever have predicted. She made me so different that I almost didn't recognize myself.

So why was I allowing myself this selfish happiness at the expense of her assured safety? If we weren't near each other, she'd be perfectly safe.

But then again, she'd be safe from only the danger I presented. That didn't exempt her from human dangers and frailties – much less others of my kind. She was no safer without me around, facing all those things alone. And Bella was clumsy and a magnet for trouble: she wouldn't stay safe, even if I weren't here. Maybe it was more for her sake that I stayed. And I was gaining control over my instincts, however slow and torturous the process…

I would be around for a long time. Already, I was bringing her to meet my family, to make it more permanent by introducing her to the people I lived with, and loved. Maybe… I turned to her, a smile lighting my face at the idea. "And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think." Perfect. The safeguard I had wanted yesterday served two purposes today: inserting myself even more fully into Bella's life as well as giving me a stronger incentive to keep my head if something went wrong whenever she was with me.

"He already knows you," she replied. There wasn't much surprise in her tone, as if she had been expecting this.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

Now there was a flare of suspicion in her eyes. "Why?"

I didn't want her to know what I was really thinking. "Isn't it customary?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to…I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

"I'm not pretending." Hadn't we already gone over this point? She knew I loved her, and I knew she loved me. There was no make-believe here, in our relationship.

Instead of understanding that, Bella seemed to grow quieter. She pushed the remnants of her breakfast around in the last few drops of milk, biting her lip. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but I was growing impatient. I didn't like her throwing a wrench into my plans to set up this roadblock – and the more human part of me was slightly insulted that she wasn't willing to make this announcement of our relationship to someone who meant much to her. It made me feel like I was something to be ashamed of. "Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?"

"Is that what you are?" she asked, still chewing distractedly on her lip.

"It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy', I'll admit." A one-hundred-and-four year old vampire was definitely not anyone's definition of "boy" – except maybe the Volturi's. But that depended on what they thought.

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually." Her voice was slightly quiet, and a faint flush on her cheeks told me she was embarrassed.

But I was touched by her words, and found myself smiling. "Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details," I allowed. She stayed quiet, looking at her bowl, and I reached across the table to lift her chin with one finger. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me." Like that would ever keep me away from Bella…

"Will you be here? Will you really be here?" Her tone was now slightly anxious.

"As long as you want me," I reassured her.

"I'll always want you. Forever."

She sounded serious about it. But I could only stare at her, wondering if she really understood what she was telling me. That promise of forever could be truer than she realized, if what Alice was so certain would happen…_did_ happen. I didn't know when Bella was supposedly going to be bitten in order for that future to come about. I couldn't prepare her for the possibility.

My feet carried me around the table and I came to a stop in front of her. Bella's eyes, shining with life, were wide as I carefully raised my hand and touched my fingertips to her cheek.

I didn't want to let her know about that possibility. I didn't want her even thinking of it. Bella was a pure soul, a genuine person who deserved all that life had to offer her – and all that an afterlife could give her. I couldn't give her everything she deserved – my kind of "life" could not give her what she needed. What she deserved.

"Does that make you sad?" she asked.

Yes, it did. Her words were so naïve, so simplistic. She thought that she would want me for forever, but I wasn't so sure of that. I knew that I would never find anyone else like her, ever again. My future without her, the years that would come, seemed dark and oppressive as I looked towards the future.

But she would grow up someday, and grow past me. She would want more out of life. She would want…everything. And I wouldn't be able to give her that, and so she would leave. Bella didn't realize now that my words were simple truth instead of promise, and that I was giving her an out that she couldn't foresee quite yet. As long as she wanted me, I would be here. And when she didn't want me any more, I would be gone.

But that time was not right now. "Are you finished?"

"Yes." She jumped up from her seat, and my hand fell limply to my side.

"Get dressed – I'll wait here."

She left the room, and I picked up the bowl and placed it in the sink for her. Listening absently, I heard her feet move up the stairs, down the hall and into her room. I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, listening to the sounds of Bella moving upstairs. Out of sight, but certainly not out of mind.

I didn't really like having her so far away from me, even though it really wasn't far at all. It might have been better for me in terms of thirst, but as I had realized before, I was rather masochistic when it came to being near Bella. Any close contact was slightly painful, but I reveled in the sensation despite myself. Maybe even to spite myself…

Being with Bella, in any way, was very hard – but very rewarding. It was almost like my human instincts were stronger than my monstrous ones, when I could control myself well enough to be close to her. As if I was proving a point to myself over and over, I strayed close to her and then away, increased our distance and then closed the space between us.

I was operating on a different set of instincts for half the time I spent with her. Before Bella, I never would have felt at ease with joking or smiling every few minutes. At heart, I felt guilty for allowing myself such joy at the expense of her safety. Yes, I was indeed a monster if I could compromise her life in order to fulfill my own longings.

I heard her on the stairs again and rose silently from the table. Her voice drifted to my ears. "Okay. I'm decent."

Moving to the foot of the stairs, I waited for her to reach the bottom steps. She didn't seem to see me until she was right there at the foot, and then bounded right into me. I reached out, steadying her, then held her away from me for a moment.

She was beautiful. A temptation, surely, in that dark blue shirt that made her skin look even creamier. And her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, unwisely exposing her throat. I wasn't sure she'd thought of that, but I wasn't about to tell her and make her even more nervous.

Besides…masochistic as it was, I found the exposure thrilling. Pulling her closer, I moved my mouth to her ear to murmur, "Wrong again. You are utterly indecent – no one should look so tempting, it's not fair." And I didn't just mean her throat, either. As a woman, she tempted the man inside me that was unaffected by bloodlust.

"Tempting how?" she asked, blinking obliviously. "I can change…"

I sighed. "You are _so_ absurd." Despite my previous thoughts on how selfish I was being, I found it harder and harder to ignore the part of me that was rising up again. The part that had prompted me to kiss her just the day before… Trying to quell that urge, I gently pressed my lips to her forehead. That did nothing.

But she was reacting to that kiss. Her heart rate increased, and her breathing grew shallow. I smiled slightly, fighting the grin, as I realized the effect I was having on her. "Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" I whispered.

My hand moved of its own accord, tracing her spine with delicate care. I could feel her hands, almost burning hot and resting limply on my chest. My own breathing was increasing to match hers, a reaction that I couldn't control. Slowly, and with great care, I tilted my head down to initiate what was only our second kiss.

Then she collapsed.

I caught her instantly, barely refraining from pulling her closer to me. In my panic, I thought I might have been less than gentle – might have underestimated my strength, might have hurt her… I felt like I was about to have a heart attack, never minding the fact that it was a physical impossibility. "Bella?"

Her voice was weak – and then I realized that something had been missing. I could hear her lungs, rasping weakly, and for a moment I thought I'd done something. Crushed her rib cage, perhaps. But she spoke, and her words cleared my confusion. "You…made…me…faint." She'd simply stopped breathing.

My frustration was mixed confusingly with my overwhelming relief. "_What am I going to do with you_?" I groaned, exasperated. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!" She laughed weakly, her full weight in my arms. It didn't bother me in the least, but her reaction threw me into a panic. I was only just coming back from that.

I sighed. "So much for being good at everything." It didn't bother me – it just troubled me that I could cause such a dangerous reaction in Bella. She'd actually stopped breathing. That wasn't healthy for her. I resolved to pay more attention to her breathing patterns in the future, regardless of whether I was kissing her or not.

"That's the problem," she argued, dizzily trying to focus on me. "You're _too_ good. Far, far too good."

Her state reminded me a little of her nausea after I'd run with her yesterday. She had very nearly fainted then, too: I knew that she had. Her eyes and skin had the same sheen and pallor. "Do you feel sick?" I asked, mentally figuring out where I knew there was a bathroom in the house. Just in case.

"No – that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened." She shook her head slightly. "I think I forgot to breathe."

I knew that was exactly what had happened. The absence of the sound of her lungs hadn't registered until too late. "I can't take you anywhere like this," I murmured to myself. My family wouldn't exactly hold back any teasing, and I didn't want to introduce Bella to them for the first time when she was in this state. That was fair to neither of them.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" That was true. I didn't know how to argue with that.

I watched her for a moment as the healthy flush returned to her skin and her eyes became clear again. For some reason, I found myself fixating on her shirt color, and how beautiful she looked with it on. Absentminded, I didn't realize I was speaking out loud until it was too late. "I'm very partial to that color with your skin."

She flushed. Beautifully. I was far to addicted to that pooling of blood on her cheeks for her own good. "Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" she asked, her gaze tilted down and away from mine.

"And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

She seemed surprised for some reason. Maybe because I told her what she was feeling accurately? I didn't know, couldn't tell. "That's right."

Her concerns were so far off the mark of what any normal person would be concerned about – and yet, she wouldn't be Bella if she were simply afraid of my vampire family because of their diets. "You're incredible," I told her, shaking my head. Bella definitely was not like anyone else.

I drove us to my house. I knew the way, and it was easier for me to be behind the wheel than for me to give Bella directions the whole way there. The way there was perfectly engrained in my memory, and I watched the scenery pass us by with comfortable disinterest.

Bella watched the forest on either side the whole way there. I saw the surprise flare in her eyes when I turned onto the unmarked dirt road that led up to our house. We had created the road ourselves, leaving our home almost completely secluded to that no one would be able to accidentally stumble across it. We drove into the forest for a few miles and the road, barely visible, twisted and turned.

I saw it through new eyes, Bella's eyes, as we drove. Usually this drive was completely routine, something that I did every school day – which was monotonous enough for my taste. And I never really paid attention to my surroundings while I drove. But today, with her…I saw it all again. It was like a black-and-white photograph, which was suddenly in color.

And I saw the front lawn through her eyes, too, when we drove underneath the great trees that shaded the entire area. They blocked the sunlight, a precaution that allowed us utter freedom around our home in sunny days without becoming beacons of glittering light. I had helped pull out and replant the smaller trees when we arrived, moving them to other areas within the forest that had enough room to replant great trees. These six were the largest of the lot, which we hadn't touched. Instead, we merely allowed them all the room to grow.

This had been our home the first time we came through Forks, and when we had returned for this second stay in the tiny town, the trees had grown magnificently, covering even more space. And yet, snow and rain still found their way through the thick leaves and branches: small patches of sunlight could penetrate the omnipresent gloom and shadow that these great trees cast upon the ground.

And last of all, our house stood in an almost Southern plantation-like glory. I had heard Jasper think of it that way once or twice, and I quite agreed. With the gigantic trees on the great front lawn and the large, three-story white mansion standing at the end of the road, it tricked the mind of my Southern-born brother into recalling the days long before his new "life" began. Those were more pleasant memories, the ones that came before the Civil War he'd enlisted in.

I watched Bella's face as we neared the house. I could hear my family inside, and knew that they heard the rather loud engine of Bella's car. But I was focused on the wonder that I could see on her face. She was impressed, that much I could tell. I parked near the front, not bothering to go around to the garage that was alongside the house. I wanted her to meet them first, not the cars, after all.

Besides which, it was almost a peace offering to Rosalie. That was her spot – well, hers and mine. We were the car mechanic addicts. I remembered those times fondly, even though she was being troublesome now. I wasn't going to infuse Bella's scent into the place she would most likely escape to, once I had Bella inside the house.

My eyes stayed locked on Bella's face as she kept staring at the house. Her word was quiet in the sudden silence that the car's engine left us in. "Wow." I wondered for a moment if she realized that everyone in the house could hear her words.

I decided not to mention it to her. "You like it?" I asked, smiling.

"It…has a certain charm." I had a feeling her words were understated. She sounded wistful, or perhaps simply amazed.

Reaching toward her, I almost brushed her skin with my hand again. But that action would have led to another strong urge to kiss her, which I well knew. Instead, I redirected my hand at the last minute and tugged lightly on her ponytail, chuckling at her lack of reaction. Then I stepped out of the car, and moved around to the other side to open her door for her. "Ready?" I asked.

"Not even a little bit – let's go." She smiled, but it was weak. She ran a hand over her hair.

"You look lovely," I told her, trying to ease her worries. Taking her hand in mine, I helped her out of the car and closed the door behind her. I led the way up to the porch, listening to the house as Bella took deep breaths, not seeming to realize that she was trying to calm herself.

I could hear my family from inside the house, and I knew without needing any clarification that Emmett and Rosalie were not going to come down to meet Bella. Rosalie, I understood. Emmett's was also a predictable choice: he would stay with Rosalie so that she wouldn't be left out, alone. He was also trying to change her mind, but I knew that wasn't working. She was being stubborn. I returned my attention to Bella again, ignoring the discussion taking place in their room.

She was nervous – I knew that even without Jasper's mental warning from inside the house. He and Alice were upstairs, in her room. He had decided it was better for him to try and get used to her scent a little, before coming downstairs to meet her. I agreed with that assessment, but wished for a moment that he would be there, to try and ease her tension.

I didn't like her nervousness: I was afraid it would turn into fear, which would make it harder to control myself. And I wanted her to be comfortable around my family. I wanted her to like them, and for them to like her as a person, rather than just seeing her as the girl who had changed me so much.

My thumb moved in small, carefully gentle circles on the back of her hand, trying to help calm her. When I glanced back at her face, she was looking straight ahead. There was no fear in her eyes, only polite curiosity. But the tightness of her shoulders, her straight posture, made me think less of decorum and more of restraint. Most likely from running away.

I opened the door for her, pulling Bella ahead of me into the house.

I saw her eyes float everywhere in the room, taking it all in. She saw the openness, the large window that was the southern wall, and the furniture – before her eyes on Carlisle and Esme. They waited on the slightly raised platform where my piano stood, watching her as we entered the house.

Carlisle had met her before, at the hospital after the van incident at school. He smiled slightly in approval of her improved health compared to then, a medic's insistence on noting his patient's welfare. And then, of course, there was the fatherly pride that I wasn't specifically meant to hear. _They look good together. She looks as content as he does, as happy as him._

Esme had never even seen Bella before. This was the first time she had laid eyes on her. And my mother was definitely full of motherly kindness towards her. _She's beautiful. And look at her, so curious and wide-eyed. Edward, did you even give her a hint as to what was going to be here when she arrived? _Then, _Edward, she agreed to come? Oh, she's so brave – she knows, and yet she still feels safe being led into a virtual lion's den by you. _

They both smiled when Bella's eyes finally reached them, but not too widely. They were trying not to scare her. I smiled to myself: if I hadn't scared her in the meadow yesterday, then Carlisle and Esme – the most compassionate man and the kindest woman I'd ever known – would certainly not be able to scare her.

Introductions were needed. "Carlisle, Esme," I said. "This is Bella." We had stopped about halfway towards them, for I'd guided Bella further into the room even as she took in her surroundings.

Carlisle stepped forward, careful to move slowly. "You're very welcome, Bella." He moved slightly too slow, and I wanted to tell him that it wasn't necessary to move too slowly. I'd moved faster than she could see, with her on my back at that. She wouldn't be scared.

Neither would a handshake terrify her. He was hesitant about offering it to her, but I shook my head slightly when he asked. _Would she be scared?_

She stepped forward, slightly away from me. I let our hands – entwined, but unnoticed by either of my parents – fall apart as she did. Our hands had been hidden between us – otherwise Esme would have noticed right away. "It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen," Bella said.

"Please, call me Carlisle." _She's not at all startled by the cold. Well, I should have expected that, really, with how close you are – actually, Alice had an interesting vision while you were gone. Two, actually. The first of which would be Bella fainting, this morning? _

I rolled my eyes at that, but a faint smile came back to my face. How embarrassing. And yet, somewhat entertaining.

As Carlisle was telling me that short story, Esme had come forward, a few steps slower. She had done this so that Bella wouldn't feel trapped by both of my parents being so close. She reached for Bella's hand as well, and grasped it longer than my father. "It's very nice to know you." _You're everything I could have wanted for my son, from what you've already done for him._

"Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too," Bella answered.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked, mostly speaking to Carlisle. I wanted to know about Alice's second vision, which he had mentioned, but I also wanted my siblings to know that it was a good time to come down.

_Time to meet Bella – again!_ Alice appeared in the blink of an eye first, and Jasper was only a second behind her. "Hey, Edward!" she called. _This is a lot nicer than in the cafeteria,_ she added as she zipped down the stairs. _More personal. I like it. _She came to a stop in front of Bella.

Esme and Carlisle weren't too pleased with this exuberance. Esme mentally berated her daughter, gently, while Carlisle kept a careful eye on Bella, noting that she was only startled but not scared. _You've moved quickly around her before, other than when you stopped that car from crushing her, haven't you?_ I inclined my head in his direction.

Then Alice unexpectedly greeted Bella in her unconventional way. "Hi, Bella!" She kissed Bella's cheek, bouncing away quickly. That part didn't bother me – it was her thought directed towards me that did. _It's her first visit to her new home. She might live here for a while, depending, you know. _

I restrained myself from growling at her. That would have been unforgivable, with Bella standing right beside me and already nervous about meeting my family. I felt her glance up at me, almost as if she guessed that I heard something I didn't like, but I didn't give her any hint as to what it was.

Alice said, "You do smell nice, I never noticed before." _I wonder if it's the same scent that you catch, but less potent. _

Bella's cheeks flared red, startling Carlisle and Esme a little. My mother, especially, was interested in the flush that spread across her cheeks. _Oh, she's embarrassed! I am going to speak to Alice about that later…_

Jasper had taken the stairs at a more or less human pace, giving himself plenty of time to adjust. I noticed his presence more through the sudden ease of the room, rather than the sound of his thoughts focusing determinedly on making a more-or-less good impression with Bella.

I raised an eyebrow at him, and he replied, _Bella was a little embarrassed, did you notice? And the blush wasn't helping me. Sorry if you liked it so much,_ he added, teasing me in his head even as he quietly greeted her. "Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper," she replied. She smiled shyly, her expression encompassing everyone she had just met. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home."

"Thank you." Esme was especially grateful for her comment: she was the one who had gotten it to this condition, after all. "We're all so glad you came," she added, with feeling. _I'm so glad I got to meet you. _

Bella fell mostly silent, unaware that her eyes darted to the stairs once and a flash of understanding came to her eyes. I knew then that she had realized Emmett and Rosalie were not coming down. I was sure she would ask me about that later.

Carlisle drew my attention, however. _I almost forgot. Alice's second vision, when you were gone – she saw that a coven would be coming through soon._ My eyes landed squarely on him_. They're curious, and know we're here. They want to visit, apparently. It's a trio, which is rather interesting. But they're not 'vegetarians' like us. I thought you would want to know quickly, but I wasn't sure you wanted Bella to know. And I'm sure you'll be watching her more closely, yes? _

I nodded slightly, the movement tiny. Only after I had did I realize that Bella had been watching me, and her head turning away was all that I noticed. I blinked at the side of her face, glancing back to Carlisle. _Did she notice that?_ He asked, raising an eyebrow. _Fascinating. Not even the family really sees us, half the time… _I wasn't too sure she had seen us, actually, but I couldn't tell.

I shrugged one shoulder, looking back down at Bella, and I noticed that her eyes were glazed and far away. She was staring at something. I realized it about the same time Esme did. _What is she looking at? Oh – the piano? _"Do you play?" she asked, inclining her head to the instrument. _Wouldn't that be ironic? _

Her curiosity was shared. I had never mentioned my musical abilities to Bella before, and I didn't know if she had any aptitude for music, herself. But Bella answered quickly, shaking her head negatively. "Not at all. But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?"

_Edward, you didn't tell her?_ "No," she laughed, her smile aimed at Bella and her admonishing gaze at me. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

Bella startled all of them by aiming a rather grumpy glare at me. I tried my best to look innocent when her lips thinned and she answered, "No. I should have known, I guess." I could see the teasing glimmer in her eyes.

_What did you do? _Esme asked me while her eyebrows rose in confusion. Actually, all four of them asked me the same question.

Bella did a good job of explaining herself, albeit sarcastically. "Edward can do everything, right?" she asked, tilting her head to the side – almost triumphantly.

I didn't know what it was, but she'd certainly won it. I sighed as Jasper snickered. _Wow, that's great material for a good fifty years, right there. You showoff, Edward…_

Esme's reproving gaze was on at full blast._ What have you been showing the poor girl? _"I hope you haven't been showing off – it's rude," she scolded me. But inside, she was squealing over the fact that Bella was joking around with me – odd though it may seem.

But I was far too happy to show off around Bella, as I realized that I had been. I loved seeing her happy, and I loved letting her see who I really was in addition to being a monster. "Just a bit," I answered my mother, and I found myself laughing before I could stop it.

Her gaze softened when she heard me. _You're so happy with her, aren't you? So happy that you've lost your inhibitions, that you show her who you are. You see? This is love, Edward. Aren't you happier with it? I'm so glad you've found her. _She was a little bit smug about being right, that I needed someone else.

Bella's smile was shy. "He's been too modest, actually." The teasing temptress of minutes before was suddenly wrapped up inside of her again. I loved her both ways – uninhibited and insecure, she was my Bella.

"Well, play for her," Esme encouraged. _Her song, Edward: play her song for her! I know you've finished it. _

I grinned slyly. "You just said showing off was rude."

_Don't use my words against me, young man!_ "There are exceptions to every rule." _You know that she'll love it, if that's what you're worried about._ I hadn't been, but now that she mentioned it I got a spike of nerves before Jasper's influence dulled them. He raised an eyebrow at me and I ignored him.

Bella cinched it. "I'd like to hear you play." There was no way I could deny her anything.

Esme seemed to sense it. "It's settled then." _Go play!_ She grabbed my arm, tugging me forward. Without thinking, I snatched Bella's hand in mine as I led the way to the piano. I wondered if it was a mistake when Esme nearly choked in joy. I got a clear image of our hands entwined before she began babbling happily – all in her head, of course.

I concentrated on my song, and on Bella, instead of listening to her rejoice in my lack of loneliness. I tugged her to sit on the bench beside me, and gave her a look before I turned to the keys. She just had to go there, teasing me about my "talents" which brought on that kind of response from my mother.

I hesitated for only a moment before deciding to play a different song. Not Bella's, but Esme's. I felt her eyes on my back. _Edward, you should play her song, not mine._ But even she couldn't help chuckling along with Carlisle, Jasper and Alice.

My eyes fell to the girl beside me, and I noted with a smug kind of interest that her jaw had dropped open. I winked. "Do you like it?"

"You wrote this?" she gasped, catching on fairly quick. It was still a little unnerving, how insightful Bella could be sometimes.

I nodded, and added, "It's Esme's favorite."

To my surprise, her eyes closed and her head shook from side to side, negatively. A small smile was on her lips, but her expression was one I didn't understand. "What's wrong?" I asked, wanting to lift my fingers from the piano keys and touch her, comfort her.

Her response startled me, and yet made some kind of sense. "I'm feeling extremely insignificant." Self-esteem issues: her words were candid and yet, veiled. Hidden. I only understood because I'd heard it in her words and voice before now.

My family didn't understand, but I did. My head bobbed in a slight nod before I decided that now was the time to play her song. Alice understood my intentions. _We'll give you two some privacy. _She silently tugged Jasper back, and motioned for Carlisle and Esme to leave with them. They disappeared up the stairs.

The tune changed, and I started the introductory phrases into the song I had created for Bella. _Isabella's Lullaby_, to be precise, inscribed across the top of the page that was currently locked away with the rest of my songs, the ones I had created.

I didn't look down at her face as I leaned toward her slightly, tilting my head in her direction. "You inspired this one." I wondered if she could hear the tune that I had hummed to her the night before, weaving in between several other melodies. My fingers moved quickly over the keys, faster than she could actually see.

The piano was a wonderful instrument to play. Before my new existence as a vampire started, I had learned to play it reasonably well. My lessons carried over into my new state, and here I could move faster. There were multiple sets of the seven notes on a piano's keys. I could press several keys and, because of my speed, they could sound so closely together that it seemed like they were all hit at the same time.

The instrument also served very well as practice for keeping control over my strength: I couldn't hit the keys too hard or they would crack, but if I didn't hit them hard enough, the crescendos wouldn't sound out correctly. It was a tricky balance I had learned to keep, and it was a talent that was serving me well now that I had Bella.

She hadn't spoken at all, and I shot a glance in her direction. There was a slightly faraway look in her eyes as she listened to the tune. Since she wasn't saying anything, I brought up the subject that had bothered her so much this morning. "They like you, you know. Esme especially."

She turned. Seeing no one behind us, she asked, "Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose." I restrained the urge to roll my eyes. Alice thought she was being subtle and sly by sneaking the four of them out without Bella noticing. I threw the comment out with sarcasm for her benefit. She and Esme were listening intently at the staircase landing, caught up in their giggling, girlish curiosity and wonder over our relationship. They snorted at my comment.

Bella remained oblivious of our audience, and of the fact that virtually everyone in the house could still hear her. I didn't mention it to her: she was more comfortable now, and I liked seeing her more sure of herself. She was talkative again. "_They _like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…" Her words trailed off, as she was unable to state the obvious.

Upstairs, Emmett winced slightly. _Hey, she's all right. I like her, liked her the whole time she's been here. But you're still insane for getting this involved with her in the first place… _Rosalie was blatantly ignoring everything that was said between us, concentrating with an almost ridiculous intensity on a book, of all things.

I frowned, but felt slightly safer giving Bella a less-than-truthful statement about my sister when I knew she wasn't really listening. "Don't worry about Rosalie. She'll come around."

Alice snorted. Bella pursed her lips, not having heard the sound. "Emmett?"

"Well, he thinks _I'm_ a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie." I was especially thankful that Rosalie was so determined not to pay attention that she didn't hear that. It would have made her mad.

"What is it that upsets her?" Bella asked, her voice small.

I sighed. There was no way I was getting into everything that bothered my sister. There was too much, for one thing, and for another not even the rest of the family knew about some of the things I knew. That was the trouble with being able to read everyone's mind – I knew everything they kept secret, and had the duty to keep it that way. Instead of getting into too much, I settled for the simplest. "Rosalie struggles the most with…with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

"_Rosalie_ is jealous of _me_?" The utter revulsion and bemusement in Bella's voice made it clear how stupid an idea she thought that.

"You're human. She wishes that she were, too." My sister was the one who wished for how things used to be as well as loathing what she was, whereas I simply hated what I had become. It was one of the reasons I thought that she was the one most troubled by what we were.

"Oh." She sounded slightly stunned for a moment, before her tone became troubled again. "Even Jasper, though…"

I was quick to correct her mistake. "That's really my fault. I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance." There was no reason for him to torture himself unnecessarily in addition to putting Bella in more danger. _After all, that was my job, wasn't it,_ I thought with disgust.

She shuddered slightly before quickly moving on to wrap up the reactions to her presence here. "Esme and Carlisle…?"

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually," I added, with special thought to the two eavesdroppers above us. "Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet." I heard her snort, and grinned slightly before recalling all those things I'd heard from her over the years. "All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me…" That had been on her mind a lot about forty years ago, before she let that fear sink deep and hide.

I thought about how she was now. "She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction." And happiness… Upstairs, she stifled a giggle.

Bella raised an eyebrow just thinking about the last person she hadn't yet mentioned. "Alice seems very…enthusiastic."

"Alice has her own way of looking at things." First visit to her new home, indeed…I would be having a few words with Alice over that one.

I was startled when Bella shot back, "And you're not going to explain that, are you?" I should have known that she wouldn't accept a vague response like that without question. She knew I was keeping something from her, and I certainly was not going to tell her what.

She changed topics instead. "So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

That caused even the duo upstairs to think for a moment. I'd noticed her looking away from me earlier, but I hadn't been certain she had seen our brief interaction. "You noticed that, did you?"

"Of course," she shrugged. As if it were normal for a human girl to notice something that not even my family could see was happening sometimes.

I thought for a moment before answering a bit vaguely. "He wanted to tell me some news – he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

She only waited one second before asking, "Will you?"

My fingers tightened slightly over the keys as I entered the second part of the song. "I have to, because I'm going to be a little…overbearingly protective over the next few days – or weeks – and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, exactly." I hastened to assure her. "Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

Bella frowned slightly. "Visitors?"

"Yes…well, they aren't like us, of course – in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone." Even if visitors rarely came into town – a bit of vampire propriety, not intruding on other's hunting grounds – that didn't mean I would be comfortable with them here. I didn't want them anywhere near Bella.

To my surprise, she shivered. I caught a faint whiff of fear from her, and swallowed once to fight the burning in my throat before I rejoiced. "Finally, a rational response. I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

She didn't say anything at that, but instead let her gaze drift around the room again. I watched her take it in, and I knew she had expected something else. What, I didn't know: I was just glad that I surprised her. Especially considering her questions when first learning what I was… "Not what you expected, is it?"

"No," she admitted, a very faint color on her cheeks.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs…what a disappointment this must be for you," I joked.

She shook her head slightly at my teasing, but she was genuine when she said, "It's so light…so open."

I realized what her surprise was. She knew that I couldn't be out in the sunlight around humans, lest they see the glittering of my skin. But here, with the southern wall showcasing the large lawn behind the house, so much sunlight could come into the room. "It's the one place we never have to hide," I explained quietly.

I finished the song, pulling it down to the final notes before my fingers left the keys completely. When I turned to look at her fully again, I realized that there were sparkling tears in her eyes. "Thank you," she murmured, dabbing at the drops.

Without really thinking about my action, I reached toward her and carefully trapped one teardrop on the tip of my finger. I stared at the small drop of saltwater, musing its existence for a moment. Saltwater from a human: it had always been one of nature's ironies that interested me. The type of water one couldn't drink was the only water one could produce.

The tiny drop carried with it her fragrance. And somewhere, in the back of my mind, I recalled some old words I'd heard once before. An angel's tears, if I recalled it correctly. An angel, a creature of saving grace and mercy, who was pure and kind and gentle.

How silly it seemed: the notion I had of angels was influenced by art, by Michael. They were fierce warriors who guarded and protected, not fluffy or weak creatures, there to look pretty and answer prayers with wisdom. The idea of angels had changed over time. I remembered that type of angel far better than the moneymaking corporation-inspired idea.

All the same…Bella's tear was warm on the tip of my frozen finger, and the scent was richly hers. It smelled almost as good as her blood: less potent as the true liquid, but somehow the same sweet scent.

My hand was moving towards me before I realized it. My instincts were vigilant: they had struck while I was contemplating the similarities between a tear and a drop of blood. There would be no satisfaction of any amount from her tear. Of that, I was certain, even if my predatory side did not comprehend it.

Before the liquid could reach my mouth, I flicked it away. But in catching myself, my faster-than-light movements had paused. Bella now stared at me curiously, and I wondered for a moment if I should offer an explanation. What could I possibly say, though? Nothing.

Instead, I pulled myself together before offering with a smile, "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"No coffins?" she asked sarcastically.

I laughed and took her hand in mine, leading the way towards the stairs. "No coffins."

Alice and Esme darted away from their spying spot at the landing, into Alice's room for some odd reason. They wanted to talk: that, I understood to an extent. Just not what made them bond in such a mother-daughter way over spying on me with Bella…

I pointed out the doors as we walked along the hall. "Rosalie and Emmett's room…Carlisle's office…Alice's room…" I would have continued, but Bella had come to a stop at the end of the hall. I knew immediately what she was looking at. "You can laugh," I told her. "It _is_ sort of ironic."

She didn't, of course. Her hand stretched out hesitantly, stopping before it made contact with the large wooden cross. "It must be very old," she murmured, her expression reverent.

I shrugged. "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less." It didn't seem like very much to me, but that was because I had met older vampires. Ones who had lived for thousands, rather than hundreds, of years.

She stared at me. "Why do you keep this here?"

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father."

"He collected antiques?" she asked cautiously, as if knowing that it wasn't a very good guess.

"No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached." Carlisle had gone back years after his change into a vampire to retrieve it from the old, crumbling building. He'd kept it in storage sites a few times, and it wound up being taken out and hung up here when we moved in.

She was shocked; it was obvious. Her gaze returned to the cross and she seemed to think for a long minute. The minute lengthened, and I became worried. Worried that I had told her too much… "Are you all right?" I finally asked.

She didn't answer, but instead phrased a question of her own. "How old is Carlisle?" Her voice was pitched low, as if she were afraid of my father overhearing her.

Too bad he'd already heard when she asked from his office. _Feel free to tell her anything she'd like to know. You know all the stories and details, Edward. _

Now that I had his permission, I told her, "He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday." She turned back to me, and I knew that she wanted to know more. I watched her carefully as I began the story.

"Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though. He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves…and vampires."

I watched her as she understood the irony of that, but she had yet to let anything show on her face. "They burned a lot of innocent people – of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch.

"When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out at night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course, and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged." I grew quieter, feeling a more personal attachment to this part of the story.

I'd never told anyone what I did during my rebellious years spent alone. Alice had watched the family while lost and on her own, after her transformation. She hadn't seen me. I was glad for it.

I knew what it was like to live in sewers. I'd done that in larger cities, which was where there was much crime of the nature that I killed humans for. I knew what it was like to be a monster that lived underneath the world. It was easier for me to hide in large cities, and live nomadically in one place rather than all over. I wasn't one for constant travel: I preferred staying in one place for a while, then moving on. This life I had now suited me well – if not for the prerequisite of school. And I no longer killed humans on a regular basis…

I concentrated on the story. "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle – he was twenty-three and very fast – was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thins he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street."

I stopped myself from telling her why Carlisle was bleeding. That he had been bitten, and in the worst way for the flow of his own blood to carry the venom through his body. It made for a torturously painful transformation, lengthened and horrid even by the usual standards of transformation pain. I should know: he wasn't sure how to go about it, so he recreated his wounds on me.

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned – anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered." The pain was so intense, such agony…I couldn't imagine keeping _silent_ through it. "It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

I stopped there, not knowing whether she wanted more of the story or not. I watched her, searching for any sign of fear – even though I would smell it instantly, of course, I was still worried that I might have frightened her. I was waiting for her to become terrified of me, rather than so understanding and curious. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." There was emotion: curiosity and hesitance. She bit her lip.

I realized that she wanted to know more. And, somehow, I found myself eager to share it with her, even if I was afraid that she would fear me. I smiled. "I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few," she replied.

I felt my smile widen, and I pulled her back down the hall with me, toward Carlisle's office. "Come on, then. I'll show you."

* * *

**A/N – To be continued… **

**LOL Sorry, guys, you'll have to wait for next chapter! :)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	30. Carlisle

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I'm going to be in San Francisco until Tuesday. Yippee…NOT. I don't want to go. I want to sit home and write and relax. That's how I wanted to spend my entire summer. Not going on trips, but writing. :( Well, anyway, at least there are hotel rooms on this irritating four-day adventure to San Francisco. I've been there before, and I like it and all, but I just want to relax! And for me, that means write! **

**So, I'll be writing in the hotel room, but my next update will, at minimum, be up Tuesday. I have a feeling it'll be longer than that, because I have to go pretend to be a happy tourist. Joy. ……Well, at least I can get Ghirardelli! :) That's a plus!**

**The chapter is a bit short, but it's an entire chapter in "Twilight" and I don't want to meld a part of the next chapter onto this one when the way this one ends is so nice. :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One: Carlisle **

My father heard us coming, of course. He'd heard us in the hallway, when I told Bella that I'd show her what I meant. From inside his office, he waited until he heard the two of us stop outside the door before calling, "Come in." _You're both welcome here._

He waited until we were closer for Bella's sake, so as not to startle her by knowing we had been coming there when we had been down the hall. I pushed open the door and nudged Bella into the room in front of me, closing the door gently behind myself.

I watched her as she took in the office. Again, I was struck by how the place must look through her eyes. I had long since become used to the sensation of a library that this office held, but to see Bella's eyes resting on all the books with frank admiration in her eyes made me appreciate it all the more.

These old volumes had heard many of my conversations with my father, and their creased pages held the basis of our discussions and debates. This office was the source of much thought and theory, and it felt almost humbling to see it with Bella beside me. She didn't know what this room meant to the two vampires there with her, but there was still respect in her gaze – for something, although precisely what it was, I couldn't determine.

Carlisle placed a bookmark in the pages of a thick philosophy book he had been reading. "What can I do for you?" he asked, rising from the seat behind his desk. _More of the story, I'd imagine. Answer me out loud, Edward – it would be rude of us to converse like his with her here._

I agreed for him on this point, but added a bit more than necessary to keep Bella from realizing – to what would surely be her utter embarrassment – that our conversation had not been silent to everyone's ears. "I wanted to show Bella some of our history. Well, your history, actually."

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella added, her tone earnest.

"Not at all. Where are you going to start?" _May I suggest a supplement to your earlier story, of London back when I was young? That would be a good visual representation of what it was like back then, help her gain a little more understanding of the tale. _

"The Waggoner," I agreed. I lightly turned her around, gripping one shoulder with utmost care. She spun without thought, trusting me implicitly. I saw her eyes grow wide as she took in the vast amount of paintings spread across the wall.

Nudging her forward, I moved the two of us to stand in front of the first painting in the collection. Carlisle followed much more slowly, a few feet away from the two of us. Bella's eyes went to the picture I had stood her in front of, and I watched her take it in. Her dark eyes scanned the canvas, looking at it with a mild curiosity. "London in the sixteen-fifties," I explained.

_All the way back at the beginning, Edward? You already passed this part. _"The London of my youth," Carlisle added.

Bella jumped, startled; she hadn't heard Carlisle behind us. My father grimaced slightly as I squeezed her hand – gently – in reassurance. "Will _you_ tell the story?" I asked, purposefully ignoring Bella's reaction to make her – and my father – feel more comfortable.

She turned around, eyes wide and interested. Carlisle _I would love to, but I have to be leaving. _"I would, but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning – Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he told me. _Tell her anything you want, Edward. You have my permission. _

Carlisle knew that I felt a little uneasy revealing the family story. I always heard so much more than what was actually said to me, which meant I had to monitor what I said and make sure I didn't reveal something that hadn't been admitted out loud. Even with Carlisle's permission, I would still watch what I told Bella.

My father left the room, his mind already on work. Bella turned back to the painting as he left and her eyes stayed there for several long minutes. I watched her, wondering what she was thinking. Wondering what else I could tell her. I wondered how I would feel after letting her in on the rest of the story that made up my past. I imagined that I would feel relieved to let her know everything, to have her see me as I truly was… My eyes were locked on her the whole time.

Finally, she turned to look at me. "What happened then? When he realized what had happened to him?"

I looked toward the paintings again, to the physical story that was written not in words, but in brushstrokes. In paint and color, our story was displayed. There was a painting of a meadow scene, which represented the next part of the story. When I glanced back down at Bella, I saw that she had followed my gaze and was now watching that painting.

"When he knew what he had become," I began, "he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" Her voice was strained, shocked.

I wasn't about to tell her how we could be killed. Not here, not now. I settled on telling her what he had tried, instead. "He jumped from great heights. He tried to drown himself in the ocean…but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist…feeding…while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to ill himself with starvation."

Her voice was faint as she asked, "Is that possible?"

"No, there are very few ways we can be killed." I saw her mouth opening and knew, instantly, what her next question would be. Dodging around it, I continued the story by shamelessly talking over her. A spike of guilt threaded through my stomach and I tried to ignore it. It was for her benefit that I didn't tell her the gruesome details of how we could die.

"So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next few months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and –" And there, Bella finally interrupted my growing monologue.

"He _swam_ to France?" She sounded so shocked.

I bit back a smile. "People swim the Channel all the time, Bella."

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on," she nudged me, her eyes wide and eager for more of the story.

My stomach clenched with nerves as I prepared to reveal another secret of my vampire nature to her. "Swimming is easy for us –"

And of course, she interrupted. "Everything is easy for _you_."

From downstairs, unbidden and unheard except for me, I heard Alice snorting. She and Esme had slipped downstairs after Bella and I had entered Carlisle's office, and pursued their earlier form of entertainment – eavesdropping. _What have you been doing to merit that remark from her, Edward?_ my sister teased.

I ignored her and Esme, focusing on Bella instead. I raised an eyebrow, patiently amused with her griping. "I won't interrupt again, I promise," she sighed.

I chuckled, knowing that was certainly not true. "Because, technically, we don't need to breathe." Nervousness eased once the words were out in the open air.

Her face was almost comical. Dark eyes widening, her jaw dropped and she exclaimed, "You –"

"No, no, you promised," I laughed, gently pressing my finger to her lips to halt her words. Her lisp felt burning hot against my skin, infusing it with that heat. "Do you want to hear the story or not?" I added.

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything." I could barely concentrate on her words: the sensation of her lips moving against my finger sent near shockwaves through my body.

I had to move my finger away from her lips. The feelings from that simple action were too intense. I settled my hand against the side of her neck, feeling the warmth flood into my entire hand. To my surprise, I had enough control over myself to be so close to her pulse and yet do nothing to halt its flow.

She persisted in her questioning demands. "You don't have to _breathe_?"

I understood her curiosity, and reacted casually. "No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged. But inside, I was tense and expectant. How long could she stay here, in my house, and remain calm? How long before she was frightened away by something that she learned? When would she not want anything to do with me, anymore?

"How long can you go…without _breathing_?" Bella seemed stuck on the concept of my lack of need for air to survive.

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable – being without a sense of smell."

That was it. "A bit uncomfortable," she echoed, her voice a dull echo of its former self. There was the sense of complete shock and disbelief emanating from her expression, and I could tell that she was barely holding herself together. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but I was afraid that this was it. That this was the last straw.

I let my hand drop from her, just in case my touch frightened her once she came out of her shocked state. She seemed to be trying to understand something, and I was sure that once she had made her way through her thoughts and startled awareness, she would be afraid of me. I was sure that she wouldn't want to be near me.

From downstairs, Alice sent a thought in my direction that I was sure was accompanied by a frown. _Edward, you're so paranoid. Don't be afraid of what she thinks. Don't assume._

Milliseconds later, before I could comprehend more than that Alice had seen something, Bella had moved. Spoken. "What is it?" she whispered, reaching up and cupping my cheek in her hand. Her eyes were worried – but worried for me, worried about what was wrong. Not worried about herself, and whether she could get away from me.

"I keep waiting for it to happen," I explained softly.

"For what to happen?" she asked, confused.

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." As if she could get away from me if I didn't want her to go…I half-smiled, reminding myself that it was what I wanted.

It was hard to remind myself of that, a lot of the time. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…"

It was especially hard when she looked up at me with wide, trusting eyes and told me, "I'm not running anywhere."

I would think by now that I had a pretty good idea of what would or would not scare humans away from me. But Bella seemed to defy every bit of reasoning I had for…anything. She was an anomaly, proving so many of my beliefs wrong that it felt as if I had no ground left to stand on. "We'll see," I told her, smiling to myself. She would be frightened by something eventually. It had to happen sometime.

She frowned, not comprehending my thoughts. "So, go on – Carlisle was swimming to France."

On reflex, my gaze was reverted to another picture in the series of stories mounted on the wall. This one incorporated the Volturi into the story, and I paused for only a moment. My decision was made before I even considered the question: I would not tell Bella what the Volturi would mean to her. It was a fact that I was living with, that the knowledge she was being given – at that very minute, nonetheless – would mean that if the royal vampire family ever heard that she knew…she would die. Or my family might.

Carlisle believed that because of his old relationship with the powerful vampire coven that we would be spared from death. And Bella would possibly be given an ultimatum. After all, the Volturi employed humans in their ranks, to interact with other humans so that the vampires wouldn't need to. Their humans would either die or join their ranks in the end. My father was sure that Bella would be given the same option – die or become a vampire – if it were discovered that she knew about our existence.

I believed the same, but I was determined to keep Bella safe from either danger. And the only way that would happen would be if my family didn't reveal that she knew to anyone who could take the information to the Volturi. It was simple, and it was foolproof. No one – not even Rosalie – would even consider doing that.

I continued my story when I saw that the painting captivated Bella. "Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine – and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives."

The idea of it never ceased to amaze me. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…" I could hear it in his thoughts and see it in his dedication.

That led us to the painting. I tapped the edge of the frame. "He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

My fingers traveled of their own accord, tracing around the corner that was most important in the scene that had been painted. "Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods." How ironic that they were more the stuff of nightmares… "Aro, Marcus, Caius," I named them off. "Nighttime patrons of the arts."

Her hand hovered in the air over the same path that my fingers had drawn. "What happened to them?" she asked.

They rule us. "They're still there." I shrugged as I added, "As they have been for who knows how many millennia." That long an existence had assured them of their power. "Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it. They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail.

"At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see." To a point, I could understand that loneliness. When I had gone off on my own, trying for a different food source, I had been by myself. But I hadn't felt lonely, not the same way he had.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity." And now, we came to my part in his tale…

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act – since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen.

"It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…" I trailed off.

Sometimes I wondered what it would have been like if I had been allowed to die then. I knew that Carlisle felt guilty when, as I had first realized what had happened, I was less than pleased. I kept my own thoughts on the matter secret from him, allowing time and experience to fade them, remove the blame from him. Truly, my death was my own fault…

Over the past few years, I had come to terms with my feelings. It helped to know that he wasn't trying to cause me pain in any way. And yet…I was still tortured by the idea that my life, over as it had been, was stolen from me. I was brought back into a new existence that I hadn't asked for, nor wanted. I had wanted to fade away, lying on my deathbed. Instead…

But if he hadn't changed me, Bella wouldn't have been a part of my life. I turned to her, seeing her face tilted towards me. No, if the past few years had been a dark existence, this was a brighter one. Now I felt more alive. With her, I felt almost human again.

"And so we've come full circle." It meant more than the obvious, but I doubted that Bella knew the ulterior meaning of my words.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" she asked.

Just like that, she'd asked a question I hadn't even considered. Looking back on that, I really should have anticipated the question. Slipping my hand lightly to her waist to propel her out of the office, I answered vaguely, "Almost always." Running away from Carlisle wasn't something I thought of fondly.

She looked back over her shoulder, her eyes skimming over the rest of the pictures. I hadn't told her their stories: maybe I would one day. Carlisle had a colorful history, more than the basic overview I had told Bella about. Not to mention he also collected art that told the stories of everyone else in the family…

I had thought that she would forget about her question, but once more, I hadn't anticipated what I should have. Bella had a thirst for knowledge, for stories. She wanted to know more than a blurred fact. "Almost?" she asked, as I guided her down the hall.

Telling her was really a matter of personal choice. I could tell her one of the worst things I had ever decided to do, and just accept what she thought of me after that. The part of me pushing to tell her had a very compelling argument: this was a deciding point. If she wasn't afraid of me after I told her this, then there would be very little that could scare her away from me.

But at the same time, I was afraid of scaring her away. I ignored this part of me. It had been afraid of scaring her since the day I realized that I cared about her: I always would be afraid of losing her. I loved her. It was part of my love for her.

And, at the same time I decided I had to tell her, I realized there was something else. Telling her the truth of the worst years of my life was tantamount to a confession. Telling her the worst things I had ever done was like laying my soul bare to a pure angel. Perhaps I would feel relieved, no longer hiding from her. With this worst sin laid bare, everything else would be relatively little compared to it. But right now, it didn't help me feel much better.

My words came out slowly, and in my nervousness I tried my hardest to sound casual. "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence – about ten years after I was…born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

Downstairs, Alice and Esme were murmuring in shock that I had chosen to reveal this particular venture in my life. I ignored them, especially since Bella was watching me with – of all things – curiosity. "Really?"

I nudged her up the flight of stairs leading to the third floor, and where my room was situated. My mind was on other things: namely, her strange fascination with my revelation. "That doesn't repulse you?"

"No."

I couldn't think of a single reason why it wouldn't disgust her, at least a little. I had killed people. Surely she understood that? "Why not?"

"I guess…it sounds reasonable."

A short laugh, barely even one, escaped through my mouth. I was sure she hadn't caught the tone of it, since she didn't stop or even turn to look at me. She didn't understand. Yes, she knew I had run off to drink human blood, but she didn't understand what really happened. She was blinded by what that meant.

Lowering my voice in the hopes that it would be harder for anyone else to overhear me, I gave her more detail than I had ever really given anyone else. "From the time of my new birth, I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle – I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the…" I cast my mind around for a word, and came up with the one Jasper had used to describe his own feelings on his past diet. "Depression…that accompanies a conscience." Oh, how wrong I had been. "Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl – if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

She shivered, her body quivering underneath my hand. I didn't look over to actually see the reaction, but rather, continued with my story. "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved." What I would have deserved would have been for them to turn me away…

We'd reached my door, at the end of the hall. I stopped outside of it, telling her, "My room." Then I pulled the door open and gently nudged her forward.

I watched her as she gazed around in fascination. This was an interest that I understood. I wondered what she thought of this place, of the room where I spent most of my time now, when I wasn't with her. Most prominent was the music, the numerous shelves of CDs. She saw those, and I watched as her eyes swung to the sound system. Then, eyeing the walls before turning her eyes back to me, she asked, "Good acoustics?"

Laughing and nodding to her, I picked up the remote that lay within easy reach and flicked on the stereo. The next song on the list in the CD I had left there began to play. Jazz. I hadn't been paying attention when I put that CD in, for I couldn't remember listening to the first three songs on the album in the past few days. Most likely, I had been worrying.

There were many things I could have worried about, but for the life of me I couldn't remember them. Not when Bella was here, spreading her scent throughout the room by walking around. She bent in front of the CDs. But something…something wasn't right….

Abruptly, I realized that the relief from telling her about my rebellion, the relief I had been expecting, hadn't appeared. In fact, it was a sense of relief mixed with joy. That was what was throwing me off. But why? Why did I feel this way?

"How do you have these organized?" The question floated to me through a haze.

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," I answered. Why in the world did I feel happy about telling her one of my worst moments in my entire existence? It made no rational sense – and yet, I knew. I instinctively figured out that I liked the fact that she knew about me. Now the question of why was reapplied, and that one I had no answer for.

From downstairs, Esme admonished me. _Edward, are you ignoring the poor girl? Be polite!_ Again, I had to ignore the thoughts.

She turned around, looking away from the CDs. A faint crease appeared between her eyebrows. "What?"

I hesitated only for a moment. "I was prepared to feel…relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me…happy." I shrugged, not understanding it. A small smile appeared on my lips when her eyes lit up slightly.

"I'm glad." She smiled right back at me, brilliant and beautiful. The southern wall – window, actually – was behind her, framing her with the forest, mountain range and river that made up the landscape outside my house.

As I looked at her, it became more and more apparent that she was completely at ease here. It was a marvel, really, that she could be so at home in a house full of monsters that could kill her so easily. I couldn't believe that she was so at ease. It quite simply didn't make sense. But, then again, Bella didn't really make sense to me. I had been so sure that she would be afraid of me after I told her everything…

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?"

A faint smile came to my lips, and I nodded. She was right.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually."

I could tell right away that she was lying, and I stared at her in disbelief. How could she possibly say something so blatantly dishonest, and so casually? Of course, I quietly grinned to myself as I realized that this meant she was a little bit afraid. However, she was just trying not to let me see.

A playful feeling emerged in me, and I realized that I wanted to prove her wrong. I could handle a few moments of fear, I was sure of it. A wide grin came to my lips as I planned it out in an instant. All it depended on was me, moving fast enough and making sure not to bruise her.

_Edward Cullen! Don't you dare!_ Alice was just taking her leave of Esme, coming upstairs with something to tell her husband and Emmett.

I ignored Alice in favor of teasing Bella. "You _really_ shouldn't have said that."

My growl finally brought the attention of my brothers to the conversation I was having with Bella. They had each been ignoring me; Jasper in his study, and Emmett in the room he shared with Rosalie. My sister had left the house sometime during my story in Carlisle's office, and Emmett was giving her some time alone.

…_Uh-oh. What's going on up there? Something…_

…_Edward? Hello, Edward? Did something go…_

Ignoring all their concerns, I bent my knees into a half-crouch, calculating how I would have to move to keep Bella off-balance and surprised by my playful assault. To my surprise, instead of being shocked or even scared, anger was her preferred reaction. She took a step back, her eyes narrowing and her hands in fists at her sides. "You wouldn't." It was a challenge, and a threat.

She didn't see me leap at her – she couldn't have, I moved too fast. Grateful that her hands were down at her sides, I swiftly pulled them up, gathering her to my chest in one move, before leaping backward with calculated force.

My sofa crashed into the wall, but didn't break it. If I'd pushed even a little bit too hard, it would have. In my arms, Bella gasped and tried to right herself, fighting against the strength in my grip. I didn't let her go; instead, I curled her into a ball, my hands moving too fast for her to slip away. She was left pinned to my chest.

Her scent was maddening, much as it had been the night before. She tilted her head up, looking into my eyes anxiously, and I smiled brightly to show her that I was in control. I wasn't about to kill her. But I was glad that my teasing had proven a point to her, if she was startled, taken aback by my superior strength and abilities. "You were saying?"

"That you are a very, very terrifying monster." Her tone was ridiculously heavy with sarcasm.

"Much better," I told Bella, smiling as she struggled against my grip.

_You wanted her to tell you that? You freak,_ Emmett thought, in the hallway with Alice and Jasper. I heard Alice chattering on to the two of them. But I could barely concentrate on anything outside my own world, where there was only Bella and I.

"Um. Can I get up now?"

I laughed, holding her securely. And then, of course – Alice was outside the door, Jasper in tow. "Can we come in?" _I'd have come in anyway, but if you situate Bella in a more traditional position she'll be less embarrassed. _

Obeying Alice's command for once – even though I was immensely enjoying my closeness to Bella – I sat upright, pulling her so that she was seated on my lap. Bella's eyes focused on the open doorway, and her cheeks blushed instantly.

I was still laughing as I told them, "Go ahead." My sister skipped right in, folding to the floor before us with utter ease. She was focused on the weather, and I understood why she was here without needing to hear her telling me. _Storm tonight. Thunder and lightening equals Baseball! _

Jasper drew my attention more than Alice. He stayed near the door, keeping a careful distance from Bella. He seemed completely taken aback by my closeness to Bella, at least in the physical sense. _How can he stand to be so close to her? And what was that growling all about? Alice didn't explain much, but then again, I guess from what I saw that I could put it together myself._

My attention was switched back to my sister as she said, straight-faced, "It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share." _I'm teasing and you know it. Don't snap at me._

Sensing she must have seen my first-choice reaction, I complied with her wishes again only for Bella's sake. She'd stiffened at Alice's words, and I couldn't help grinning at seeing her fright. It was a relief to see that she had some sense of self-preservation. I pulled her closer to me, announcing, "Sorry, I don't believe I had enough to spare."

"Actually," Jasper smiled, coming forward a little more now that he was sure he had enough self-control. "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball." _She told us in the hallway, of course. That gave him the shortest run to the garage to announce it to Rosalie. Like an overgrown puppy, really…_ "Are you game?"

A baseball game: that sounded exciting. It was one of the few activities that I really and honestly enjoyed, regardless of my family's involvement. But…that meant no time with Bella. I didn't really want to leave her alone, especially since Alice's vision predicted the visitors arriving sometime within the next day. They would be coming to our house, after catching our scent. Bella's was here, too, and they might follow it to her house. Maybe if she came…would she be safe?

Alice knew exactly what caused my hesitation, and what I was going to ask. "Of course you should bring Bella." _She'll be safe with us. If our visitors arrive before we get back, then they won't find her._

Jasper, however, shot a glance in Alice's direction. He wasn't concerned about his control. _Rosalie is not going to like that. Alice better know what she's saying…_

I wasn't going to let Rosalie spoil this. She'd just have to deal with it. "Do you want to go?" I asked Bella.

"Sure. Um, where are we going?" She bit her lip, not seeming to realize it.

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball – you'll see why." The cracks and crashes that accompanied hitting the ball or running into one another were covered up by the storm. I was curious about what Bella would think of that.

"Will I need an umbrella?" Her expression was so serious I couldn't help but laugh.

Alice and Jasper laughed more because of the question itself. We never had the need to worry about getting wet or cold. We couldn't get sick, and we couldn't be cold, either. We were colder than almost everything.

"Will she?" Jasper asked. _If it's going to rain on us, I've got to change. This shirt will probably tear from friction if I get it wet. _That was a concern for all of our clothes. We often had to buy new outfits. Because we were practically indestructible, we tended to forget that what we wore was flimsy in comparison. Alice had plenty of opportunity to go shopping.

Her mind wasn't on new outfits she could buy, however. "No. The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing." _Make sure that Bella's not going to get cold, though. It is going to be late and the sun will be going down. Plus, it's Forks and it's cloudy, which makes it cooler._

"Good, then." Jasper was satisfied with that answer, and he was just as excited as the rest of us about the imminent game.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." _I've got a two-minute window to call him before he has to get to that surgery. _

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased. _I hope that Rosalie doesn't shout and scream too much. I can always calm her down, but it's just easier if she gets over it without intervention._ He closed the door behind them on their way out.

I turned my attention back to Bella. As soon as my brother and sister were gone, she asked me, "What will we be playing?" She seemed to be under the impression that no one could hear her again. I didn't correct her, glad that she hadn't caught on to Alice's slip of the tongue. She'd announced that they heard me growl, but if Bella had stopped for a moment to think about that, she would have remembered that the growl was at a normal volume.

Then I processed what she had asked. Oh, I could just imagine her in that game. She was clumsy and out-of-it enough in regular human sports: thinking of her on the playing field with a group of vampires was quite the image. "_You_ will be watching. We will be playing baseball."

She rolled her eyes, oddly enough. "Vampires like baseball?"

With mocking solemnity, I assured her, "It's the American pastime."


	31. Warning

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – This is a treat for all of you who (like me) do **_**NOT **_**have "Breaking Dawn" in their clutches yet. :( I'm sad. I pre-ordered it, but because it's Saturday, even though it was supposed to ship, it won't be until Monday. And then it will take three days after that… tears On the other hand, I will be writing out my frustrations. :) LOL Expect updates…**

**Anyway, don't spoil anything for me from "BD", please (Trust me, you'll know when I get the book. The A/N will say it). **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Warning**

By the time we arrived back at Bella's house, a slight drizzle was just starting up. It would be gone by the time we started playing, even if the clouds would remain constant over the sky. My intent had been to leave before her father arrived home, but I wasn't at all eager to go before I was ready. We still had several hours until I would bring Bella to the field where we had played before.

If I hadn't been distracted, I would have heard their minds from two blocks away. But Bella's presence in the seat beside me, her intoxicating scent, were enough to keep me from realizing what I heard. It wasn't until I had a clear view of her driveway that I realized there was a black car there. And on the front porch, out of the rain, stood two Quileute men.

The adolescent was trapped in thoughts of Bella – my Bella. A young boy's crush: I wasn't worried about Jacob Black's thoughts. He meant no harm. His father, however…

_…going to tell Charlie. I have to; I can't let this go on. There's – no, that's Bella's. But – my God, there's one of them in the cab with her! It's driving! What the…_

I was mildly insulted by the 'it', but I was far more concerned about what I could glean from his mind. He was here for the express purpose of speaking with Charlie – about my presence in Bella's life. "This is crossing the line," I hissed as I parked the car.

"He came to warn Charlie?" Bella's guess was eerily accurate, but maybe she had been worried about this possibility, too. I only nodded, my eyes returning Billy Black's glare.

The inner, more human part of me felt frustrated. It wasn't fair for him to be coming after me like this. I wasn't trying to hurt Bella, and I wasn't setting up a relationship for the express purpose of getting close enough to kill her. It was infuriating that after all these years of proving ourselves bound to the treaty, to our diets, that we hadn't earned that simple a trust.

But, on the other hand, my temper was diluted by the knowledge that at least one other person was as concerned for Bella's well being as I was. At least this Billy Black person was trying to keep a close watch on our activities, a sure enough incentive to keep her alive if I found my control slipping again. Any one mistake would bring this Quileute tribe elder down upon my entire family.

That didn't change the anger I felt, however. It was no right of his to decide to tell Billy Black what his daughter was up to. That was Bella's job, and she was intending to do it this evening. Even if she was oddly hesitant about admitting to our new relationship, I knew that she didn't like sneaking around. It had only been a little bit, but that was more than enough to cause her unease.

"Let me handle this," she said, surprising me out of my thoughts.

I paused for only a second before realizing that this was a very good idea. "That's probably best. Be careful, though," I added. "The child has no idea."

She bristled just the slightest bit. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am."

I hadn't grasped that point until now, but I could run with it. "Oh, I know." She was, indeed, a child. In so many ways compared to me, she was little more than a toddler – and yet, she was also my equal in so many other ways. And then again, she was also ahead of me, more than I could ever be to her.

She sighed, not hearing my inner musings. Her hand stretched for the door handle, and I quickly imparted a few instructions. "Get them inside, so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk." I had to spend some time with my family, after all.

"Do you want my truck?" she offered. She meant well, but the gesture was also redundant.

"I could _walk_ home faster than this truck moves," I told her, rolling my eyes.

Her voice was softer when she said, "You don't have to leave."

I smiled, my eyes skimming over the set of her jaw and the crease in her eyebrows. There was wistfulness in her expression, and a longing for something that I couldn't name, but knew instinctively. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of them" – my eyes darted without permission to the Blacks – "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." I grinned widely, glowing with the thought of being labeled as such.

Somehow, the possessive term that left me feeling strangely elated made Bella groan and grimace. "Thanks a lot."

I smiled again. "I'll be back soon," I promised.

_…What is that monster telling her? He knows I'm here. Does he know what I want? He might be the one with mind-powers that Ephraim mentioned in the records of that treaty conversation. I'll have to talk to Sam…_

I raised an eyebrow. Ephraim was a name I knew, and I was sure that Billy was referring to a record of my abilities. They had recorded that? Apparently so… But there was something else: Sam.

Who was Sam? I knew that the Quileute tribe had approached our family – or rather, one of them had come to see Carlisle in the hospital, on neutral territory – when we had first arrived back here. They had wanted to make sure that the treaty was still in effect. But I'd never heard of this Sam person before. I made a mental note to speak to Carlisle.

At the moment, though, there was a more pressing matter urging me onward. I didn't like why Billy was here…and, selfishly, a part of me wanted to make a point to him. I only considered it for a moment before I leaned forward, swiftly pressing a kiss under the edge of Bella's jaw.

Billy Black cursed in his mind, shouting for me to get away from Bella.

Bella gazed up at me, her dark eyes intense. "_Soon_," she stressed as she opened the door and stepped out of her truck.

I watched her as she strode up to the porch, greeting Billy and Jacob calmly and kindly. I watched as she opened the door, allowing the two of them in before her. I watched as she glanced behind her, towards me. I stayed still, just watching, until the door shut.

Then, faster than the eye could see, I shot out of the car, making sure to be gentle as I closed the door behind me. My feet carried me into the forest behind her house, and I ran, fueled by frustration.

This was not how I pictured the remainder of the hours until our baseball game. I didn't like being apart from Bella, even though I knew it wouldn't be for very long. Sighing, I pushed myself faster through the trees, whipping around the thick trunks and darting between bushes and shrubs.

The faint light, spilling onto the lawn, caught my gaze through the many trees I had left to push through. I could hear my family milling around the house there. And I could pick up the ends of a discussion, between Alice and Rosalie. Actually, it was more of an argument, a duel between their two strong wills.

_No. No, I will not! She's not one of us!_

_She will belong here soon enough! I've seen it!_

_That doesn't mean I have to like it! _

_Why won't you just admit that she's not evil incarnate?_

_I never said I hated her, or feared her, or anything like that!_

_Why do you hate her? You must, why else would you argue so much, rather than just accept it?_

_Why doesn't anyone listen when I tell the truth? I have valid reasons!_

_You're just being troublesome!_

_For someone so insightful, you're so blind! Can't you see how I feel?_

_You won't admit that you're wrong in your prejudice because you're stubborn!_

_You won't even consider that I might actually be thinking of Edward and not myself!_

_Why won't you listen?_

_Why won't you listen?_

And there, in the background, Esme was thinking, too. _They're not saying everything they're thinking. This is like watching a chess match. Or politics in action: little barbs with hidden meanings. Neither of them understands anything besides what they're trying to say. But what can I say?_

My feet hit the porch steps and my stomach tightened uncomfortably. Why was it that Bella, a person who made me so happy, could cause so much dissent among the rest of my family? I might understand Rosalie, but I didn't agree with her. And I didn't like the way she treated or thought of Bella.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme were seated in the largest room, with Esme on the couch beside Rosalie. She was unconsciously refereeing between my two sisters as they sat and stared coldly at one another. Amazingly enough, their postures were like mirror images: crossed arms, feet planted firmly on the floor, and thin lips.

I walked straight into the room, not stopping until I was standing beside the three of them. They stared at me. Alice and Rosalie even broke off their staring match in order to look up. I didn't give them the chance to speak. "Stop it, both of you."

Esme said nothing, simply leaning back in her seat to allow us to sort it out amongst ourselves. But Alice and Rosalie protested. Their thoughts and voices blended together as one, with the singular message to me: back off. Not my fight.

"I am involved in this," I scowled, ignoring the annoyance on Rosalie's face. Alice had seen my intervention coming and, if I wasn't mistaken, welcomed it. "Rosalie, just…leave. Just go upstairs. We know what you think of this whole situation –"

"No, you don't!" _Not one of you understands what I'm thinking!_

"At least me, Rosalie." My voice was quiet, compared to her loud protest, and it stopped her short. I continued. "At least trust that I know." And understand – that went without saying. She understood that.

Compressing her lips together tightly, she stood and silently left the room, fuming in her head. She knew I was right. She knew that I would know exactly what to say to get her to agree to let the subject lie. And she was angry about it. I ignored her fuming thoughts. We both understood each other, and that was all that mattered.

As soon as Rosalie was gone from the room, I turned on Alice. Her eyes were wide, surprised, and I knew that she already knew what I was going to say. But that didn't mean it would stop me from saying it. "Leave her alone."

"Why?" she demanded to know instantly. "She's being awful, and she knows it!" _She made a snappy comment when I said that Bella was coming with us, and I didn't like it! Why are you coming after me? I was defending Bella, and you!_

I could see the hurt in her eyes and sighed. "Alice, you don't understand what's going on here." Omnipotence didn't allow her the insight of what Rosalie's thoughts were. "I don't like what Rosalie says either, and I appreciate your concern. But I don't want any more fighting," I added slowly, when she opened her mouth to protest.

She did anyway. "Then tell her off, not me!" _I'm defending your relationship. I'm the good guy, here!_

"It's not that cut-and-dry, Alice." I sighed, turning away. The truth was, I could understand Rosalie's reasoning, no matter how much I didn't like what she felt it entitled her to say or do. I wanted Bella to feel welcome among my family, and Rosalie was obviously not allowing that to happen. But…she was also my family, and I didn't like my family caught in the grip of arguments that I had caused.

Rosalie wasn't going to change immediately – she needed time, and if I pushed her or silenced her she would only struggle against it even more. Alice didn't see that, either. "It's not that simple," I reiterated, softer than my previous comment.

_I don't see what you mean. _"It's very simple. Tell her to get over herself and accept that Bella is going to be a part of our family. She is, you know." _I've seen it again, this time stronger._

My shoulders stiffened. I'd turned away from her when I repeated my vague comment on Rosalie, but now I spun on my heel to face Alice again. She stared up at me, a strangely smug look on her face.

The room was utterly silent until I choked out, "What?"

_You were gone, and no one noticed when I searched the future. Then Rosalie came downstairs, but that doesn't matter_. "I didn't really get the opportunity to tell anyone about my vision, but I saw Bella again," she announced, her high voice somehow piercing to my ears. She paused, and then added, "As one of us." _It will happen, Edward. _

A fire blossomed in my chest, intense and burning: anger. "No," I snarled through gritted teeth. "It won't." I wouldn't let that happen. Not to Bella.

Alice rolled her eyes, crossed her arms again, and stomped her feet as she stood up. "I'm not arguing with you over this." _When I'm proven right, it will be obvious, anyway. No need to fight about it. _

"No, it won't," I growled, but she was already dancing up the stairs. Leaving Esme and I alone downstairs, she headed up to her room, her mind already gone from our conversation. She was planning on what to wear to the game.

I sunk down on another chair, a short distance away from Esme. My head fell into my hands and I raked my fingers through my hair. This was a wonderful thing to be doing, instead of spending more time with Bella… I came home, broke up an argument and tossed myself into a quagmire of mixed and battling feelings. Joy.

What I needed was to calm myself, but I was more troubled than I thought. I should have considered it more on the run over here, but I had pushed thoughts of the name Billy mentioned to the back of my mind. Now that I was trying to ignore all the things that had been pulled up the second I arrived home, I found myself remembering that name.

Sam. _Sam…_who was that? Why did Billy Black need to speak to him? He hadn't thought in images, or if he had, I hadn't understood. The only thing that had popped into his mind in conjunction with that name was a blur.

Literally, a blur… I wondered if he knew what this Sam looked like. Usually when someone thought a name, at least a vague image of the person's face would appear in his or her head. I hated not knowing about this particular person.

After all, I was fairly sure that Billy knew what this Sam person looked like. And the very fact that he needed to speak to Sam about my presence beside Bella meant that this person had to know the same legends and stories. Sam knew. So…who was Sam?

I had to wait for Carlisle to arrive home. He would, soon. I knew he would be back early tonight because of the game. I'd speak to him then, before leaving to pick up Bella. I'd have to use my Volvo, which made me grimace slightly: I hated the thought of leaving that car alone, at the edge of a forest. I'd made many modifications to the engine, and I'd grown rather attached to it. I'd actually miss the material possession for a little while whenever we moved on again –

The thought sent a chill down my spine, however figuratively. Moving on…how long had we been in Forks already? Only a few years, but we almost always left around the five-year mark, just to be safe. Sometimes we pushed it, and the thought gave me a diluted notion of hope. But that was so foolish…

Of course we would move on. How could I possibly have forgotten about that? We couldn't stay in one place forever. We'd have to leave someday… But Bella was a junior. We were in the same grade, so I had at least until the end of our senior year. And then…college, of course: I had attended college before.

And even if I didn't…I could still move into the town where Bella would be attending school. I'd promised I would be with her for however long she wanted me, and if she still wanted me after she had left high school, I would follow. I'd follow her around the country – around the world – if she wanted…

But of course, I wouldn't force my family to stick by me the whole time. And, with a sharp pain in my heart, I reminded myself that at most, we had a good seventy years left. Maybe. There were accidents, diseases…psychotic humans, and blood-drinking vampires. So, at most we had seventy, perhaps eighty years if we were lucky. After that, I could rejoin my family.

Maybe.

Something occurred to me. After Bella was gone, what else did I have left? I had my family…but they didn't really need me. I lived in a home with three happy couples. They needed each other, and it was mere convenience and friendship that held us together. Those kinds of love were strong, but not what I had with Bella. I had something so much more with Bella.

And since I couldn't consider the idea of changing her into one of us, I would have nothing left once she died. So…why stay? Why not pursue those creative methods of ending my life?

"Edward?" _He looks so tired, so thoughtful._

Like a guilty conscience, Esme intruded on my thoughts. My head snapped up, and I knew instantly that I had to think of something. It was obvious I had been thinking. And I was just as certain that my mother would not be pleased to hear what I had been thinking of.

"I should speak with Carlisle," I blurted out, rubbing my hand over my mouth as soon as it was out.

She raised an eyebrow, standing up. "What for?" _Is something wrong? _

"Nothing's wrong," I was quick to reassure her. "At least, I think not." She frowned. "I just…when I was dropping Bella off, at her house," I said slowly, "Billy Black from the Quileute tribe was waiting there. With his son. He…he wanted to talk to Charlie."

_Talk to him?_

"Warn him. About me."

Her mind exploded into reassurances that Bella was safe from me, coupled with the worries about one of the tribe's elders doing something so drastic. _What is he going to say to Charlie? Should we do something, call Carlisle back sooner? _

Then we both heard the faint sounds of a car on the road. Our heads swiveled in unison, pointing towards the blank white wall that hid the forest and road from our view. But we could still hear the car engine, and it was nearing the house.

Soon enough, I could hear Carlisle thinking about what he had accomplished in the hospital this shift. His thoughts grew in volume, slowly. Everyone's inner voice did that, when I drew closer of backed further away from them.

"He's here," I told Esme unnecessarily. She nodded, still worried about what I had revealed. And, although my family didn't come down the stairs, they were still listening. It was a rather important announcement, after all.

Carlisle was perfectly cheery as he entered the house, but his face grew more serious when he saw me. "Edward?" _Is something wrong? You look anxious, and so does Esme. _

"Billy Black was waiting for Charlie when I dropped Bella off at her house," I told him. "And he seemed intent on informing Charlie that his only daughter was spending time with me."

Carlisle's jaw tightened. _I had no idea that would even occur to him. But of course, Charlie is his friend. And if he knows this truth about us, then it only follows that he would want to keep his friends safe. _"Did he actually get the chance to do so?"

"No, I believe Bella convinced him not to." At least, I thought that Bella had. She said that she would deal with it.

From upstairs, Alice piped up, "She did. I don't see him talking to Charlie about it any time soon." _You might have wanted to hang around, just to be sure. But it's okay that you didn't, nothing interesting happened. _

I didn't say anything, but Alice knew that I'd heard her and appreciated her help. Who knew what Rosalie would have begun shouting if she knew that I hadn't hung around to make sure that Bella actually did ward off Billy Black?

Returning my attention to my father, I added, "There's more."

He raised his eyebrow. _What is it, Edward? _"Something Billy said?"

"Something he thought." I swallowed, anxious about this mysterious person that had suddenly sprung up into the issue. "Bella demanded that she tell of Billy for his interference, and I agreed. We were in the car for a few minutes, and Billy wondered if I knew why he was there, if I knew what he wanted. Apparently, the wolves who made the treaty wrote down my …ability."

_They did? _"Just yours, then? Alice and Jasper weren't with us…" _And we revealed your ability by accident, if I recall. _Carlisle thought for a moment, and then frowned. _You're not done talking. You have that look. _"There's more?" _And you don't like it?_

"While he was considering whether I was the one who had this ability or not, he mentioned someone named 'Sam'. He wanted to talk to Sam about…my being there."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow again. Esme rested her hand on my shoulder for support while my father asked, "Do you know what this Sam person looks like?" _Maybe we can figure out why he should be told about this. I understand the council's concerns, but is Sam a part of their council?_

"No. There was no image attached to the name." I didn't mention the blur. It was probably nothing, and either way, Carlisle's answer would be the same.

I, myself, realized what he was now thinking about and wondered how I could have missed it before. "Sam must be the first name of one of the council elders, the ones who still believe their legends and know of the treaty." _He might have been sent by this Sam, or been acting alone and decided that his actions for his friend would have more weight with the council behind him. _

I nodded. It made sense. We didn't really know who the tribal elders – the council – were, at least, not by name. Back when we first made the treaty with the wolves, we knew the names of the tribal elders. We'd spoken with them in some length, to hammer out the details of exactly where the boundaries were, and to convince them that we did not kill humans. I remembered Ephraim Black very well.

Carlisle asked, "Was there anything else, Edward?" _I'm sure we don't need to worry about this too much. You're not breaking the treaty in any way, so I don't see them trying to attack us. _

"No, there's nothing else." With that, the conversation was over. "I'm going to be upstairs, until I have to go pick Bella up."

Esme frowned as I ran off to my room, but she didn't follow me. _He's just excited for the game. And I have to talk to Carlisle – is he sure that there is no danger from this man? Billy Black? Or this Sam person – and we don't know for sure who he is, that might be dangerous. _

She was right, of course, but I couldn't see any other explanation. And Carlisle's theories were always very close to the truth, if not the actual truth itself. I trusted and valued his opinion highly, and so I decided to believe his theory about these men.

The path up to my room was traced with Bella's scent. It still lingered in the air, coated the ground where she had stepped. I felt as if I were tracking her, as I wandered up the staircases and into my own room. Shaking the thought off as I entered my sanctuary, I flicked on the music and began to pace.

Her scent was all over my room, and I reveled in the sweet torture of it. I couldn't lie on the couch, for her scent lingered there all too much, along with memories new memories. I couldn't leave the room – there was nowhere else to go – and so, I was stuck.

Smelling her so clearly here was terrible and, at the same time, exhilarating. It was as if she had marked her territory, by leaving her scent lingering here. The idea made me shiver in joy. But, at the same time, I was so thirsty. The horrid burning in the back of my throat wouldn't diminish like it had this morning, when I had spent some time away from her before.

She'd breached my safe hiding place, the only place where I was able to be away from her temptations. And I was finding that I didn't care as much as I should have.

I should have begun berating myself immediately. I knew that it was foolish to have even a few minutes of enjoyment at the expense of Bella's safety, and I only got myself under control after I realized that I was inhaling the remnants of her scent.

It was as if she had passed a point that allowed no turning back. She had met my family, and they had – for the most part – accepted her. She had been in the one sanctuary I had from the world. She had left her mark on the place, and there was no removing it without time and distance.

She was so fully integrated into my life, and I didn't care. I loved her too much.

It was troubling, now that I could look back on everything that had happened over the past days – weeks, even. Finally admitting I loved her had opened up a multitude of thoughts, and different ways that our relationship could progress. I knew the instant that I had started falling for her that there were only a few options open to me. Only now, after making the mistake of drawing her in too deep, could I think back on what I could have done, and what I now might do.

I knew that it would have been better for her if she had not reciprocated my feelings. By trying to enforce a distance between us after I had saved her from being crushed by that car, I had accidentally pushed us into this first option. And I had stuck with it, for as long as I had been able to. Obviously, it hadn't worked so well. I had been weak: I hadn't been strong enough to keep my distance. That choice was also out of the running, for it was all too clear that Bella loved me too much for her own safety.

Of course, that only led to my next idea, one that caused me to shiver and clench my fists, resting them against the window. I could leave. For a long moment, as I turned the thought over in my head, I could see that this just might be the best idea. I would be gone, and she would be safe. She could live. And I…would be miserable. The very idea of being apart from her for the few hours that we were separate made me feel slightly ill. I didn't like being away from her.

That choice was out. I was too selfish to give her up. But if I presented her any more danger – if I slipped up around her once – I would have to rethink that option. I simply would not stand for her to be hurt because of my own lack of control. If I couldn't handle it…I would have to. I promised myself that, solemnly, and in my head. The oath hung heavy in the back of my mind before I recalled the last two things I could do.

One of them I shied away from instinctively, the phantom shadow of my heart crying out in pain from the very idea. For her to become one of us…it would be unbearable, to steal her soul and suck away her life. And so, I much preferred the idea of letting her age and staying close by her side through all those years she would have.

She deserved everything life had to offer, everything she could get even if she was with me and limited in regards to our relationship. I would never be able to hold her by that, however. I knew that anything I had to offer her was half-rate, less than it could be, because I had nothing of value to give her. And yet, by some bizarre twist of fate, she wanted me.

Then again, she just wanted me right now. Who knew what she might want in the future? She would grow older, gain perspective and eventually want all the things that a husband would be able to give her. And then I would fade out of her life, watching over her calmly. A guardian. Not an angel, but something that lurked in the shadows to protect her from anything else evil. Bella was the angel to me, the pure being of strong will and a large heart.

And once she was dead…I sighed aloud, letting my hands slip down the glass and back to my sides. The thought scared me a little, but there it was: I couldn't live without her. I knew that, right now. This very instant, I knew that I would not be able to go on without her in my life. I had found her, and I couldn't even imagine the possibility of giving her up for good.

I was selfish. So selfish… I would hurt my family – was, just by thinking about it. But, being unable to go on without Bella meant only one thing: once she was gone, I would have to be, too. Simple. Logical. And unbelievably selfish of me: just for planning this, I didn't deserve to stay with my family once she was gone. I deserved the oblivion of death, whatever it would be, after Bella's eventual demise.

Softly, a knock resounded in my room. _What is he thinking if he's broadcasting those emotions? _The thought was a gentle nudge against my thoughts.

I turned to the door, pushing away the things that I had been dwelling on for the past minutes. I subdued a swell of guilt, directing my thoughts to Bella and how I would have to pick her up from her house in only a few hours. "Come in," I called quietly.

Jasper appeared in the doorway, framed by the darkness of the hall. The light out there wasn't on, whereas my bedroom light was glowing brightly. "Just curious," he said, already knowing that I knew his reason for being here._ What's on your mind now, Edward? _

Quite simply, I couldn't tell him. "The usual," was my response. My stomach twisted in a spasm of guilt as I lied. I was hiding so much from my family, now. I'd told Bella that there were no secrets in my family…but what a lie it had been. I was the only one that kept secrets from them, as I was the only one able to. I held the things they thought but didn't want anyone else to hear, and I held my own secrets even more tightly than any one of them.

_The usual. That means this is guilt over Bella again. _"She loves you. I could feel it every time you looked at each other." _Or touched each other, for that matter. You know how happy Esme was, to see you holding hands? _

"Vaguely," I replied, grinning slightly and tapping two fingers against my temple. "She was ridiculously happy. Her and Alice, spying on us the whole time…"

_I could hear both of you, too. _"It was hard not to hear you two," Jasper replied, leaning casually against the doorframe. He refrained from coming in all the way, resisting Bella's scent trail with practiced ease. It was easier for him to resist without her actually being anywhere nearby, but it was still difficult.

"But you didn't purposefully listen in," I reminded him, striding to my stereo and switching out the CD with another one, leaving it off so that I could simply flick the switch to play the first song once I arrived back home from the game. "Are we leaving soon?"

"You are." _We'll leave after you, and besides, you have to pick up Bella and drive her over near the field. Are you going to park the car by the road and walk in with her?_

"Walk, no. Run, yes."

He was surprised. "Run?"_ Have you run with her before? Alice didn't say much about your outing – besides the kiss. _He smirked.

I rolled my eyes, but answered, "Yes, I've run with her before. She didn't do the running, of course – but she's easy to carry."

_So warm, and so strongly tempting to you, and yet you can hold her that close. I'm amazed by your strength, Edward. How do you manage that? _"I hope she'll enjoy the game," he said out loud.

"It's not easy," I murmured, recalling how difficult it was for me to hold her at all. "And she's not much of a sports person – she's rather clumsy." I smiled, remembering the clumsy moments she had around me.

"Ah." _Really? Clumsy for a human, or just in comparison to us?_

"Definitely more so than any other human I've ever met." I shook my head slightly, walking toward my closet and grabbing my raincoat. I didn't need it, but I had to have it as part of my human cover. I would be meeting Charlie tonight. The adolescent male feelings started up again at the thought of meeting Bella's father.

Jasper raised his eyebrow at me as I stepped out of my room, backing up and turning to walk down the hallway with me. _Why are you nervous? _"Something you want to mention?"

I tucked my hands in my pockets in lieu of crossing my arms, not wanting to appear hostile and unwilling to talk. I'd have to mention it, anyway. "Bella is going to introduce me to her father when I pick her up." At least, I was sure that she had already mentioned me to Charlie. "At least, I think so," I amended. Would he want to meet me? But what father of a teenage daughter wouldn't want to meet her boyfriend?

Jasper snorted. _That's why you're nervous? _"It's not like he can shoot you." _Well, technically he could, but it wouldn't hurt you. And Bella wouldn't like it._

I glared at him. "Thanks. That makes me feel better." Actually, it did, but I couldn't help the sarcasm.

He shrugged, already knowing that my anxiety was lesser and that he had, indeed, helped. _Think of it this way, if you get nervous while there. Only a few minutes, and then you're spending the entire evening with Bella, and us. _"It won't be something out of a horror movie, you know," he laughed.

I didn't even dignify his teasing comment with an answer. We'd reached the bottom of the last staircase, and I could see the TV that I'd heard while we had walked down the stairs together.

Jasper clapped a hand on my shoulder before heading over to join Emmett on the couch. The two of them enjoyed mocking human athletes and their sports, while making bets just like any other human men who watched television sporting events.

I headed toward the door, intent on getting into my car so I could go and pick up Bella. I hadn't realized that my thinking had helped the remainder of my time pass by so quickly. My thoughts returned to my earlier annoyance at having to leave my car by the side of the road. Emmett let out a loud laugh at the antics of some athlete or another.

Suddenly, I recalled Emmett's gigantic vehicle – big, loud and powerful, just like him. That would work better – especially for the mountain path that could take us even closer to the field, which would mean it wouldn't be left by the side of the road.

I turned around, heading toward my brothers. "Emmett," I said, trying to get his attention.

It was easy – the human entertainment wasn't very compelling, but it was something to pass the time. His head swiveled towards me. "Yeah, Edward?" _Something wrong?_

I frowned. "Why does everyone assume something is wrong when I want to talk to them?" It was bothering me. Then again, maybe my earlier reclusive habits had been a part of me for so long that they had to get used to me, still. I shook it off. "Listen, Emmett, can I borrow the Jeep to pick up Bella?"

_Oh, yeah. She can't run. _"Sure." _Have fun picking her up – don't scare her dad or he won't let you date his daughter._He sniggered at his own thought, prompting Jasper to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Hilarious," I muttered, before adding, "Thanks."

I was almost to the door when Emmett – still laughing to himself – called to my retreating back, "Don't get shot!" _It would be funny if you got arrested, though. Perfect Edward, with a criminal record…_ I refrained from commenting since he was allowing me use of his car…but I resolved to get back at him during the game that evening.

My mouth stretched into a grin as I anticipated the coming game, and the rains of Forks poured around me as I drove through the mist to Bella's house.

* * *

**A/N – To be continued…as always… :) **

**Thanks for reading!**


	32. The Game

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – Here's another update. And now, I have a rant to complete. (And I'll make it vague so there aren't too many spoilers for those of you who haven't read "BD"). I got my book, obviously…**

**I really do ****not**** understand you people who are saying that "**_**Breaking Dawn**_**" was terrible. I thought that it was wonderful. Some people said it was like a "bad Fanfiction" – I disagree ****strongly****. It was more like a good Fanfiction, with all the happy endings for every conflict.**

**I only had two problems with it. One, Stephenie quite clearly stated that all vampire bodily fluids were replaced with venom, so at first that particular plot point didn't make sense**** at first**** – but then you got into the whole half-and-half thing, and it made more sense if you really worked it out. I won't tell you my theory on that here, because that would be a major spoiler, but I have one. And second, I thought that that name Bella (a.k.a. Stephenie) came up with was a bit too corny for my taste. **

**But I loved – LOVED – Book Two (the book is split into Books One, Two and Three for those of you who don't have it). I may be major, psychotic canon-worshipper, but I am beyond glad about that particular love interest that arose on the last page of Book Two. **

**And another thing – I am ****psychotic**** canon worshipper: Edward/Bella all the way. But I ****love**** Jacob Black, too, because he's a good person. And, sorry if I'm rude, but all you who hate him? Get. Over. It. **

**It's not fair, it's not right, and it's frankly beyond irritating. He's an awesome person, and an amazing character, and the only problem that people seem to base their prejudice about him on is that they don't like the Jacob/Bella dynamic. Well, guess what? You don't ****have**** that excuse anymore. So, I reiterate: Get. Over. It. **

**Sorry for my rudeness and long A/N, but I'm actually quite a bit annoyed with you reviewers right now who reviewed and said "you have a great story, by the way I hate 'Breaking Dawn'" because I don't agree with you one bit. Again, the only problems I had with it, I mentioned, and I've already worked out one by thinking it over and the other is just a cheesiness alert factor. And frankly, we all need cheese sometimes in this rather messed-up world. :) **

**Again: I don't mean to be overly insulting or rude to anyone. It's just me taking out my frustration in a rant; don't be personally offended, ****please****. Thanks. **

**So, anyway, after my long and rambling A/N that I bet none of you read because you just want to get to the story…well, here you go. :) Next chapter is right here! :D Enjoy! **

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three: The Game**

As I pulled up in front of Bella's house, I could hear Charlie's mind. The heavy downpour and gloomy light did nothing to diminish the warmth of her house, and I wondered vaguely which heartbeat was hers as I parked and listened.

_Baseball? I can't believe it. My Bella, playing baseball – well, I never thought I'd see the day._ I jumped out of the car, eagerly walking towards the front door while, at the same time, listening to what was happening inside the house via Charlie's mind.

I heard his voice as I neared the porch. "Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much." _Besides, she'll have to leave soon. I'm willing to be that was what's-his-name's car. _I rang the doorbell as he finished that thought.

Yep, it was him all right. What did she say his name was? Edwin? No, Edward. Come on, Charlie, you can handle this. It's just an outing with a boy and his family. A boyfriend. Oh, God, my daughter has a boyfriend. I never thought that she'd actually find someone she liked in that way here. She's so much like Renee, and Renee hated Forks…

The door opened. Chief Swan stood squarely in the middle of the doorway. His eyes were narrowed and wise, making me feel like he could see right through me. _This is the boy that stole my daughter's heart? Well, he looks nice enough. _Behind him, I saw that Bella had followed after her father and stood a little further back in the hallway, her eyes wide and wary.

_I supposed I better invite him inside. _"Come on in, Edward," Chief Swan said, gesturing for me to come inside.

I did, stepping lightly inside to let the rain slide off my coat and to the mat. "Thanks, Chief Swan," I replied, trying my best to remain respectful despite my anxiety. So far, so good: he didn't seem to hate me. And I would know if he did, considering…

"Go ahead and call me Charlie." _Any boy that can make my daughter feel so welcome here has earned that right._ "Here, I'll take your jacket," he added, reaching out for my raincoat. I slid it off without question, even though inside my own head I was worried that he would feel the lack of warmth in my raincoat. I generated no body heat, after all.

"Thanks, sir." I wondered what he wanted to tell me. After all, if he didn't have something he wanted to say, then he would have just bid Bella goodbye. Instead, he took my jacket – as if I were intending to stay a while.

"Have a seat there, Edward." _Just a few questions about what they're going to be doing tonight, that's all. Bella's my daughter – I want to make sure she's in good hands here. _Over his shoulder, I saw Bella grimace unhappily.

But I was happy about this. Charlie Swan was taking a real interest in his daughter's life, which was only good for her in the long run. I approved heartily of his knowledge about our activities. One more incentive to bring her back alive: one more reason to stop me if I were to lose control.

I sat on the chair, to keep my distance from both of them. If I sat beside Bella, I would be overcome with the dual urge to either take her in my arms and hold her close, or struggle to fight off the instinctual urge that was always present within me. If I sat beside Charlie, his own body heat and pulse, throbbing in my ear, would be a little distracting. Plus, this way Charlie could question or prod at me without making Bella feel like she had to endure the misery, as she would if I were seated beside her.

Bella, of course, didn't see it that way. She glared at me when Charlie was distracted with hanging up my coat. Using the same distraction to my own advantage, I winked back at her, teasingly, while Charlie's back was turned.

_First things first,_ Charlie thought. "So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball." _Now that is quite a feat, in and of itself: she definitely likes him to go and do something that she is definitely not the least bit enthusiastic about. _

I was a little bit surprised that she had told him that much, when she had been so afraid to let him know she was with me all day yesterday. Then again, I had told her to tell him about us and she needed to give him a reason for why I was picking her up tonight. "Yes, sir, that's the plan."

"Well, more power to you, I guess." _Any boy who can capture Bella's interest so whole-heartedly is definitely worth her attention. And he's very polite. I like him. _Charlie laughed out loud at his own verbal joke, and I joined in a second later when I saw Bella's mortified blush.

"Okay," she announced, standing up quickly. "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She marched into the hall, heading for her raincoat with single-minded determination. I stood up as Charlie did, allowing myself to be gently nudged in front as he gestured for me to lead the way.

"Not too late, Bell," he warned her. _I don't want to be up late worrying about her, but I do want her to have fun. But not too much fun: she's a teenager, but not that old. Well, almost eighteen, but still…_

"Don't worry, Charlie," I told him, trying to soothe his concerns. "I'll have her home early." I'd bring her back home, period. That, I swore to myself.

I kept my eyes on her father as I shrugged my own jacket back on. Charlie looked up at me, trying to perfect a glare – it wasn't working very well, but the intention was fully there. _She better be safe with him. He looks trustworthy enough, but Bella's accident-prone. Will he be able to handle her?_ "You take care of my girl, all right?" he said out loud. Bella groaned, but I barely heard the sound.

His words struck a chord within me. He had no idea how much I wanted to keep that promise – in fact, he might be scared by how much I wanted to keep her safe. I couldn't tell him just how much I loved her, but I could verbally promise him one thing. "She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir."

And at the same time, I felt like I was lying to him. How could I possibly ensure her safety? How could I possibly keep her from danger when I was the one who posed the largest threat to her safety? How ironic that I was the one who wanted to protect her, and also created the most danger. I was a hypocrite, and her father was too blind to see it.

Bella was in a huffy mood, which soon distracted me from my musings. She stormed out of the house, likely irritated by her father's miniature interrogation, and he laughed at the sight of his daughter stomping away. _She knows I'm only doing this because I love her. _I joined in his laughter again, entertained by Bella's antics.

I followed close behind her, and Charlie trailed after me as we exited the house. Bella stopped on the porch, freezing completely with her wide eyes glued to the Jeep. I grinned to myself, just for an instant. _Monster car. I hope they don't crash… _Charlie let out a low whistle, telling us, "Wear your seat belts." Funny: I didn't need a seat belt. Nothing but another vampire could ever harm me.

Bella was much more delicate, and I was thankful to Charlie for reminding me that she would need to wear hers. Otherwise, I might have forgotten about the safety feature. I didn't like the thought of forgetting about anything that could offer Bella protection from danger of any type.

Leading her to the car, I stopped when she did, standing in front of the passenger door. Her eyes narrowed slightly and a crease appeared on her forehead, making her look thoughtful. Flickering back and forth between the ground and the edge she would have to step up to, her eyes steadied in some secret resolve before she bent her knees resolutely.

Obviously, she was preparing to jump for it: her body language screamed her intentions clearly to me, at least this time. Sighing to myself, I lifted her to the seat with one hand. She could have just asked for my help: I wouldn't have refused.

My walk around the car had to be human speed, and it was difficult for me to keep myself from sprinting to the driver's seat. I was eager to get to the field and start the game, eager to spend time with Bella, without her father watching us through the sheets of pouring rain. My hood was off, and I enjoyed the feeling of water droplets running through my hair and down my face before I slipped into the driver's seat.

Bella was twisting and trying to buckle her seat harness as I entered the cab. She seemed completely bemused by the straps, as evidenced by her question that flew to my ears the second I opened the door. "What's all this?"

"It's an off-roading harness." She would need it for the bumpy trail that would take us closer to the field.

Her hands traced the restraints, confusion clear in her eyes as she said, "Uh-oh." It was obvious, moments later, that she would not know how to strap herself into her own seat.

I sighed again, and reached over to help her with the harness. I had it over her properly in a matter of seconds, and it took even less time to buckle the contraption firmly in place. I couldn't help brushing her collarbone with my fingertips as I pulled away, just a gentle caress. It was designed to simultaneously test me and give her a small reminder of the strong attraction I felt for her.

As I pulled away from the house, I saw her father standing on the porch, watching us as we backed away. He was leaning back against the doorframe, and I knew that he wouldn't be able to see us clearly through the strong downpour that practically submerged the car in water. Rivulets of rain drenched the windshield, barely interfering with my sight. I could still see through the clear water, although my sight was slightly influenced by the way the water bent the light.

"This is a…um…_big_ Jeep you have," Bella commented, her voice slightly nervous.

I grinned to myself. The monstrous size of the car made her anxious, yet the vampire driving her to an unknown location didn't? "It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way." We would have had to, if I'd taken the Volvo. And I knew that she didn't like to run: that had been obvious enough yesterday.

"Where do you keep this thing?" Her question confused me for a minute, until I realized that when I had taken her over to my house that morning, she hadn't seen anything but the great lawn and the house itself, along with the view of our "backyard". The great trees that surrounded my home hid the garage from her sight when we had arrived.

"We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage." And I hadn't taken her out there to show her where it was because it was Rosalie's sanctuary. It was her place to be alone. And she had run for it after I had taken Bella upstairs to my room.

She seemed satisfied with those explanations and asked for another one. "Aren't you going to put on your seatbelt?" I stared at her for a moment, wondering if she was teasing me. But, no: she was serious. Didn't she see already how indestructible I was?

Belatedly, something seemed to flash into her head. "Run the _whole _way?" she exclaimed suddenly, catching me off guard as she pulled up an earlier comment of mine. "As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" Her voice lifted to a higher pitch toward the end.

I grinned again, but in my head debated her use of the word "we". No, she would not be running, because she couldn't run as I could. And if I could do anything about it, I would make sure that she never would – of course, that resolution had two ways of coming about. Either I'd kill her, thus preventing the possibility, or I'd keep her alive and prevent Alice's visions from becoming true.

I settled for telling Bella, simply, "You're not going to run."

"_I'm _going to be sick."

"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine." She didn't get sick last time, and if she couldn't see the trees flashing around us, the motion sickness wouldn't hit her. She couldn't possibly have physically felt the speed at which we were moving.

She bit her lip, seeming panicked. I wanted to reassure her, remind her that she would be fine. She believed me so much that she didn't even comprehend that I could hurt her worse than anything else if I wasn't completely in control.

My lips brushed her hair, as I placed a kiss on the top of her head. My rhythmic breathing continued, the unconscious action inadvertently filling my lungs with a sharp inhalation of her scent. And the rainwater, a natural, elemental kind of scent that made me think of home and comfort for some reason, was mixed with her strong scent.

I groaned, forgetting myself for a moment. I sensed her head turning, and I pulled back slightly to see her puzzled expression as she stared up at me. "You smell so good in the rain," I explained.

"In a good way, or in a bad way?"

"Both." The scent was compelling and yet nauseating, contradicting emotions being drawn from my tortured and split psyche. The human part of me that she had awoken felt sick at the thought of drinking her blood, but the vampire side of me was outrageously thirsty just from a minute sniff of her scent. "Always both."

We fell silent the rest of the way to the point where I would park the car and run with her the rest of the way. I knew the way there even without being able to see clearly in the rain. Vampire sight was ridiculously sharp: I could see each individual raindrop, every shade of color in the light that was bent through the water. And I could see right through the rain, to everything else.

The road, once I'd turned off the paved asphalt, was bumpy and rough. Bella bounced up and down crazily beside me, and I couldn't help smiling widely at her disgruntled expression as she clutched at the door and seat in a futile effort to hold herself stiff. There was something about her expression and the way she did this that was funny to me.

Maybe it was just because I was with her. And I was headed to a baseball game with my family, which was one of my favorite activities with them. My happiness was sky-high at this point, and I was perfectly fine with that.

When we finally reached the end of the road, I parked the Jeep in a spot that was mostly covered by the shade of large green trees. The leaves and branches helped keep the rain off, even though it was now a steady drizzle instead of the downpour that it had been earlier. "Sorry, Bella," I apologized once the car was silent. "We have to go on foot from here."

"You know what? I'll just wait here."

"What happened to all your courage?" I smiled as I took in her hesitantly fearful expression. "You were extraordinary this morning." For most of the day, as a matter of fact, she had been brave. Leaving the house had been almost as much a chore as arriving, for Alice and Esme had insisted on bidding her farewell.

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet," she replied, her fingers dancing skittishly over her lap. She was nervous, that much was obvious. And she barely even noticed her gesture of discomfort, not realizing that she was giving herself away so much more clearly than words could convey.

So, the problem was the last time we had run, was it? I stepped out of the car, heading around to her side of the car. I wondered if there was a way to decrease her anxiety – to make her feel more comfortable again. Or at least take her mind off of the situation…

A flash of her face, dazed and blank, appeared in my head as I started unbuckling her from the seat. Was it really that simple an effort? Just…what did she call it? Dazzling… Would "dazzling" her work?

"I'll get those, you go on ahead," she said, protesting against my efforts to release her from her restraints.

Well, there was no time like the present to attempt using my venom-given talents to distract her thoughts from the issue altogether. "Hmmm…" I finished unbuckling her from the harness. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory," I teased.

I pulled her from the Jeep, closing the door and setting her feet on the ground, carefully. I was thinking ahead, trying to calm myself because I knew what I was about to do. It was dangerous, and I was a little bit insane for trying to do it, but I also knew that I could control myself. The goal was simply to get Bella to lose her focus.

She was confused, nervous. "Tamper with my memory?" Her dark, deep eyes were wide, her expression perplexed.

"Something like that." There was something humorous in the situation I was about to put us in, and in the reaction I hoped to draw from her. I was actually trying to dazzle her, fully knowing what my physical appearance and all those other little gifts would do to her. I was going to try and use them to my advantage, to make her less afraid of the running trip.

It bothered me that she was nervous about running. I intended to attach a good memory to this thing that she, irrationally, feared more than me, myself. Then again, maybe it was a good sign that she was afraid of my speed. It might mean that she knew full well how much danger I could put her in, considering that I could move so much faster than she.

Lifting my arms, I placed my hands against the Jeep on either side of her head. Startled, she looked from side to side before I leaned in – and then, she pressed herself back against the car. I leaned in until only a few inches separated our faces. If it were possible, her eyes were even wider than they had been before, when she was confused.

She would be able to smell the venom from my mouth at this close proximity. As I breathed out, I saw her eyes go slightly unfocused. "Now, what exactly are you worrying about?"

The question seemed to bring more of her focus back to her, the worry overpowering my efforts. "Well, um, hitting a tree and dying. And then getting sick."

I had to fight back a smile at the order in which she voiced her worries. Then – making sure I was completely in control of myself – I bent my head down and barely brushed my lips against the hollow at the base of her throat. Her warm skin felt like fire against my cold lips, and I kept completely still as I murmured, "Are you still worried now?"

"Yes. About hitting trees and getting sick." She was struggling to talk, and I noticed with satisfaction that one of her worries had dropped off the list. It might have been the most realistic one, but as true as it was, I didn't like thinking of it.

My nose traced a line up the warm skin of her throat, to her chin. I breathed in carefully, keeping a tight grip on the raging thirst that demanded I attack. "And now?" I whispered, brushing my lips against her jaw.

"Trees. Motion sickness." She was determined, even in the grips of my "dazzling" as she had named it.

Her throat was too tempting, and I moved my lips away from it. Her eyes were closed, and I brushed my lips against each of her eyelids. "Bella, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"

"No, but _I_ might." The complete lack of confidence in her voice told me that she was simply being stubborn.

I pressed kisses slowly down her cheek, stopping at the corner of her mouth and murmuring, "Would I let a tree hurt you?"

"No…" Her eyes opened halfway, completely unfocused. I was winning, and fought not to grin widely at my imminent victory.

"You see," I whispered, allowing my lips to move over hers, just barely touching. "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?" It was unfair for me to use my talents on her like this, but then again, she was so much calmer now that I had drawn the worries from her mind. And I would have been lying if I said that I didn't enjoy this just as much as she seemed to…

She gave up with a sigh and a breathed, "No."

The urge to touch her again, to kiss her again, was very strong. I didn't even want to fight it. I was just gentle enough not to break her face as I took it in my hands, and it took much of my willpower to restrain my strength and force as I pressed my lips to hers. But that was a struggle, and I knew that I couldn't let the kiss be long – or deep, either, as I had known the first time I kissed her.

Her reaction startled me. I really should have expected it, considering that it had happened the first time. And yet, I wasn't expecting to feel her arms swing around my neck, pulling herself closer to me. I could feel the heat from her body soaking into me, and her heart was suddenly hammering beyond her control.

The beat was maddening. I could part my lips right now, tilt down just a little more, and sink my teeth into her throat. I could rip into her neck, and her own heart would drive the blood out of her body and into my waiting mouth.

As if to encourage me, her lips parted and a sigh escaped from her lips.

I drew back immediately, turning my face into the light breeze and drawing in fresh, untainted air in a sharp gasp. Her scent lingered in my head as always, but the clean air helped me gain control over my inner monster. She bent over, bracing her hands on her knees and gasping for air, herself.

How stupid could I be? Had I really done that? I thought I was in control – and the instant something went against the plans I had made in my head, I completely lost it. I had barely been able to stop myself from attacking her.

I knew that it was my own fault. It was my own foolish idea that had driven me almost past the brink of my control. How could Bella tempt me so much, to do such idiotic things, and cause me to forget the most important concern of all? Bella was fragile. And Bella was human.

I could manage my control, but I could never fully predict what she might do. I would always put her in danger, no matter how much I thought I could control. I was always a danger to her, and I was stupid enough to think that I could handle it. I should have realized, I should have been stronger, I should…

I should not be with her. But I knew, the instant I thought it, that I could not make myself leave her. I needed her too much. There should be distance between us, but it seemed impossible from my perspective. I was trapped in a cage of my own creation – one that was surely going to kill me. After all, if I hurt her, it would wound me…

My lungs were still drawing in fresh, clean air as I gasped, "Damn it, Bella! You'll be the death of me, I swear you will!" She was a danger to herself, and I was the one who couldn't stay away from her. I was the one who was killing myself, and her, inch by inch the longer we were together. And I couldn't stop it.

"You're indestructible," she murmured.

"I might have believed that before I met _you_." Just as I believed that I wasn't lonely; just as I believed that I didn't need anyone in my "life" except for my family. It was the same principle: she was breaking my strength, my barriers against everything – including my determination not to take the life of another human, ever again. "Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid." Like try that "dazzling" again…

My hands trembled, probably unnoticeably, as I slung her on my back. It took as much strength as I had to make sure I didn't hurt her as I did so. Without being prompted, her arms and legs wove around me, securing her in place.

"Don't forget to close your eyes," I warned her. What an appropriate metaphor for what she was doing every second we were together; what an appropriate phrase for what I, too, was doing in allowing us to be together like this.

I didn't look by to see if she had closed her eyes, but I felt her head duck against my shoulder, her breath sending light ripples of air through my shirt and down my back. Sure that she was secure, and safe, I took off running through the trees, heading toward the field.

As I ran, I slowly calmed myself. I had been angry before, angry with myself, but I knew my temper. I knew that I could calm myself easily, if I put my mind to it. And I was: as I ran, I left the anger behind. It would do not good where we were going, and I didn't want to be snappy or irritable again. I'd be with all the people I loved, and I wanted that to be a happy event, not a stressed one overshadowed by my own moody rage.

I stopped before we broke through the trees to the field. Only a few yards away, the open clearing containing the entirety of my family was waiting. But I wanted to give Bella a chance to get back on her feet, so to speak, before we entered the field. I was sure that she would be uncomfortable if she had to climb off my back with the eyes of my family watching her every move.

For a long moment, I waited for her to move, or say something. But she stayed frozen in place. I grinned to myself as I realized that she didn't know we'd stopped moving, and reached an arm around my back to brush her hair reassuringly. "It's over, Bella."

Her grip tightened for a second, reflexively, as she lifted her head from my shoulder. And then her arms and legs relaxed, and she slid right off my body. I turned around quickly as I heard her hit the ground – I thought that her legs had swung out fast enough for her to land on her feet.

Apparently, I was wrong. A little "Oh!" escaped from her lips, and she was seated on the wet ground, seeming startled by her position. I stared at her, as startled as she appeared, and it took me a long minute to find her bewildered expression amusing. It took everything I had not to laugh before then, but as soon as I could not contain myself anymore, a loud roar of laughter escaped from my throat.

She pulled herself off the ground, a bright red blush covering her cheeks. She brushed herself off, trying to get clean again, but that in itself was amusing enough to make me laugh harder. It was just so humorous to see Bella trying to clean herself off so frantically.

She seemed irritated, and turned around – walking away from me, but deeper into the forest. She was moving away from my family. I strode after her, catching up with just one long step, and curled my arm around her waist to hold her back. "Where are you going, Bella?"

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interest in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you." Her tone was slightly frosty, and I assumed that it was because I had laughed at her.

I shook my head, smiling to myself since she couldn't see my face. "You're going the wrong way."

She turned around, but she turned away from me, keeping the back of her head in my direction. I couldn't see her face. She began to walk away again, but this time I caught her before she could move away from me. My stomach twitched uncomfortably – guiltily – and I tried to apologize. "Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." I laughed again, lighter this time, as I recalled the expression in my mind's eye.

"Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?" she asked, finally looking up at me. Her eyebrows rose as she tried to make her point.

It didn't click for a moment, and then I realized what she meant. She thought I had been mad at her? "I wasn't mad at you," I told her.

" 'Bella, you'll be the death of me'?" she quoted, her eyes narrowing.

"_That_ was simply a statement of fact." She would end up killing me someday. I would do anything for her, and I couldn't leave her alone. And I knew that I couldn't exist without her, and therefore when she one day died – either by my hand or by time and nature – I would not be able to go on without her.

She tried to turn again, tried to move away from me. I saw in her eyes that she didn't believe me, and I stopped her from moving by holding her arms securely – but loosely, not enough to leave bruises on her skin. She struggled for a moment before saying, "You were mad."

"Yes." That was the truth. And I didn't understand what she was getting at, so I didn't elaborate – not yet.

"But you just said –"

"That I wasn't mad at _you_. Can't you see that, Bella?" Her eyes, wide and dark, stared up at me in confusion and pain – emotional, not physical. "Don't you understand?" It was plain to me that she didn't understand what I had been saying to her.

She confirmed it. "See what?"

"I'm never angry with you – how could I be? Brace, trusting…warm as you are." Warm in the physical sense, and warm-hearted: kind. So much kinder to me that I had any right to receive… Of course I wasn't angry with her. She hadn't done anything to merit such an emotion. It was me, all me: I was the one at fault here.

Bella was struggling to understand exactly what I meant. Without being privy to the thoughts that flew in my head, she had every right to be confused, to question. "Then why?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

With utmost care, I slipped my hands around either side of her face, holding it securely between my palms again. "I infuriate myself," I explained, simplifying my inner thoughts. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to –"

The runaway train wreck of my thoughts spilling out of my mouth was abruptly cut off. She placed her hand over my mouth, and the warmth seeped into my skin. I stopped speaking, because she asked me to. "Don't." The word was a whisper.

I took her hand in one of my own, moving it out of the way so I could speak again. But I didn't want to relinquish the warm: I moved her hand to my cheek, holding it there. Feeling the warmth seep into my skin. There was more that I had to say, more that I hadn't even spoken of in my own head. But I needed to confess. "I love you," I said aloud, for the first time while she was conscious. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

Her eyes widened at my words, and I knew that they had meaning to her. I knew that she recognized the first part of my confession as words she hadn't yet heard from my lips – at least, not that she knew. And the glowing look that flashed in her eyes made me utterly blissful for a split second.

I wanted to kiss her again. It was dangerous, but I wanted to anyway. "Now, please try to behave yourself," I warned her before I leaned forward, being very careful – and very chaste. A short kiss, a quick pull away from her, and she was still safe and whole.

She had held herself still as I kissed her, and now she sighed unhappily. I was about to ask her what the problem was, but before I could she said, "You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going." Ah – she didn't want to leave. Or rather, continue on our way to the game.

"Yes, ma'am," I teased, smiling a little wistfully. I didn't really want to join them, either. I could hear them already: most of my family was patiently trying not to listen in on the two of us, offering a semblance of privacy. It was easier for them to block our voices out than it was for me to ignore their thoughts. Of course, it was also only most of my family that was being polite.

Alice was not. _Hurry up already. We don't have long before the first lightning strike. You'll have more lovey-dovey time later, Edward._

Releasing most of Bella, except for her hand, I tugged her along through the small stretch of trees that separated us from the field. Stepping around the last tree, I pulled Bella to my side, trying to offer her some comfort. She was uneasy – I could feel the tension in her body – and I was sure that, odd as it was, she wasn't afraid of my family. Rather, I felt that she might have been more anxious about making a good impression, again. She was strange like that.

I watched her eyes dart around the field, taking in everyone's appearance on the massive baseball diamond. It wasn't fully marked as one, of course, and we needed even more space than that for the hits that would send the ball flying into the forest. But we made do with this one, for it was secure enough in its location that it was almost certain that no one would find us – no one human, that is.

The instant we appeared at the edge of the trees, Esme rose to come towards us, excited and happy to see Bella. Rosalie, too, rose to her feet – and set off in the opposite direction, heading in the opposite direction as Bella. Emmett followed our mother after a long glance after his wife.

_I wish she'd be happy about this. We're out, having fun – who cares if Bella is here to see it? She's not going to turn us in or something stupid like that. After all, who'd believe her? And she loves him almost as much as Edward loves her. _

Bella shifted slightly, moving closer to me. Esme didn't notice, for she was too preoccupied with something else. "Was that you we heard, Edward?" _I don't think I've ever heard you laugh so loudly before. _

Emmett, too, shared the surprise. "It sounded like a bear choking." _You always laugh quietly. It sounds different when it's louder. _

Bella, surprisingly, managed a shy smile to my mother, which had Esme melting all over again. "That was him," she said, her voice quiet yet strong.

I grinned. "Bella was being unintentionally funny," I teased her, without making it blindingly obvious. Esme picked up on my gentle nudge anyway, but refrained from comment.

Verbally, that is. _Be nice to her, Edward. She's in an uncomfortable position with all seven of us here, and you'd do well to make her feel at ease with us. Then again, what could she have said to make you laugh so loudly, so happily? Oh, I love her even more!_

Alice ran over, leaving Jasper behind on the field in a spot where he felt safer. The distance between him and Bella was there on purpose, giving him some space from her scent. Alice beamed as she came to a stop before us. _Two and…one, _she finished her countdown. "It's time."

A deep rumble of thunder rolled through the forest. Alice beamed. _Perfect. Right on time, as always. _

Emmett grinned, winking at Bella. "Eerie, isn't it?" _It's probably especially strange for her. It always manages to creep me out a little, and I've lived with it for a good forty-plus years. Wait, is it fifty by now? I can't remember. _

Alice reached for Emmett's hand before he could bury himself in wondering just how long we had all been a family. "Let's go." They ran off together, leaping across the field to rejoin my other two siblings at the far end.

I wanted to run off and join them, but I didn't want to leave Bella quite just yet. Turning to her, I asked, "Are you ready for some ball?" I was ready. More than ready: I was excited.

"Go team!" Her enthusiasm fell slightly flat, but her smile was genuine as she beamed back at me.

Snickering to myself at her obvious lack of true enthusiasm, I ran my fingers through her hair lightly, mussing it. Then I turned on my heel and ran off after Emmett and Alice, intent on catching up to the two of them. I did and then, laughing, ran right past them.

Emmett's eyes narrowed. He'd always hated being slower than I was – he was competitive, as always. But today he let the speed go in order to tease. "Aren't you going to sit with your girlfriend and watch us play?" _Although, seriously, she'll be fine with Esme – but will she be comfortable? _

His genuine thought didn't cancel out the teasing, but I accepted it with a grin. "You just don't want to lose. Besides, my _girlfriend_" – I stressed the word, relishing in being able to use it – "won't distract me the way you let your wife do every game." As an afterthought, I added, "And she'll be fine."

Emmett raised an eyebrow, coming to a stop behind me. I'd come to a halt near the home plate, where we had the bats and numerous balls lying on the ground in a plain knit bag. _I know Esme will make her feel comfortable easily. Oh, and – _"Rosalie doesn't distract me every game," he scoffed.

I snorted.

He raised an eyebrow. _You have something to say about distractions, Mr. I-Stalk-My-Girlfriend-Every-Night-While-She-Sleeps?_

Now I rolled my eyes and skirted around the equipment that Jasper, Rosalie and Carlisle were now converging on. "You can't stalk someone while they're asleep. They're not moving."

He grinned, waggling his eyebrows. _That just makes it all the easier to stand there and watch them. Stalker, stalker, stalker. _

"Stop it."

_Stalker._

I growled. Emmett grinned. Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder, sighing. _Careful on the growling today: we don't want to scare Bella._ I agreed. There was a smile on Carlisle's face, as he began speaking. "Emmett, Edward, stop that now." _How would you feel, knowing people were talking about you only yards away? And the way I expect you two were, what with your comment of not stalking someone…_

"She might be observant, Carlisle, but she's not a vampire. She can't hear us," I said, smoothing it over with Emmett. He nodded vigorously, agreeing with me. Rosalie snorted, but stayed silent. "Besides, she's distracted by Esme," I added.

"Really?" Carlisle became curious. _What are they talking about?_ He bent down and picked up the bat, tossing it up to Emmett who caught it with a grin.

My eyes focused on the two of them, walking slowly to the edge of our makeshift baseball diamond. The thoughts that I had heard the whole time were still the same, and I was again amazed by my mother's warmth. "She told Bella about her…accident. How she became one of us."

Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett's eyebrows rose dramatically. "That story?" Jasper asked for clarification. _What an odd topic of conversation. I wonder who brought that up – and how._ Rosalie pretended not to notice or care, but her mind was venomous again. And Alice wasn't bothered – she'd already seen it coming and was trying to see the outcome of the game.

I let the subject drop and distracted myself. "So, same teams?" I asked.

"As always," Alice beamed. _We're going to win. Don't tell them that._

I laughed, snatching the ball that Carlisle had tossed into the air and flipping it over my shoulder to Alice. She danced away toward the pitcher's mound, and I headed with Carlisle into the outfield. He took the right field, and I headed into left field.

We waited for a few minutes as Esme and Bella came to a stop at the edge of the field. "All right," my mother called. "Batter up."

In her usual style, Alice pitched to Emmett. The second time, he hit it: the crack was loud, and I barely glimpsed – out of the corner of my eye – Bella jumping, startled. The ball flew into the air, flying towards the forest. I turned as soon as it was over my head, and then followed it into the trees.

My eyes flickered up and down as I darted around shrubs and tree trunks, keeping my eye out for the ball as it whistled through the air. I caught glimpses of it through the leaves in the trees, which also exposed the dark gray sky. When the ball began falling back to the earth, I darted ahead of it again, judging the distance and stopping right where it was headed.

The ball landed in my hand with a second loud, satisfying crack. A small fissure appeared on the side of the ball. This one would be gone by the end of the second inning. I propelled myself forward again, heading back toward the field with a grin on my face.

I heard Esme cry, "Out!" as I raced back to the field. I held the ball up over my head as I appeared, grinning widely. It was an exhilarating rush, to run so fast. I loved running. I tossed the ball back into Alice's waiting hand and resumed my place on the field.

The inning continued quickly, and I kept darting my eyes back to Bella's face throughout it. Her eyes were wide and sparkling with astonishment. I could barely keep my head in the game, but at the same time I was more enthusiastic than I had ever been. It was silly of me, but my more human side was enjoying the game because I was able to show off.

After I caught the third out, I sprinted to where my mother and Bella sat. "What do you think?" I asked, scanning her face for fear.

There was only amusement and joy, and a little bit of bemusement. "One thing's for sure," she said, "I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again."

"And it sounds like you did so much of that before," I laughed. My Bella wasn't one for sports. I startled myself with that thought, but it wasn't as scary as it would have been before. My Bella…I liked that. Mine.

"I am a little disappointed." Her words startled me out of my rather possessive thoughts. And her tone was joking.

But I was still confused. "Why?" What had she been expecting that could be turned into this teasing tone – one that, I had to admit, I enjoyed hearing from her very much?

She blinked innocently, and her smile was shy and sweet. "Well, it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet."

I smiled widely at her compliment, knowing that it wasn't really true. Alice, standing behind me somewhere on the field, exaggerated a sight. _Come on, you're up to bat, Edward!_

Hearing that, I told Bella, "I'm up," and headed out into the field.

The remainder of the game seemed to pass by swiftly. I was almost distracted the entire time we played, my center of focus always orbiting on Bella. She sat on the sidelines, perfectly safe with Esme, but I kept a watchful eye on her. It was more sensing than watching, since I didn't keep my eyes on her. But I could almost feel her presence, the entire game.

Carlisle was up to bat, and I crouched behind him, playing catcher. Alice was the pitcher, as always, and she was getting ready to toss the ball when there was a flash – an image, so strong that my head snapped up immediately.

Alice stood stock still, and I could vaguely see the rest of the family around us. But it was as if time slowed for the two of us, and we could see everything that passed through Alice's mind. Her vision was strong.

_Trees blurring…dark clouds in the sky…thunder and lightning…a crack that was not something wrought from nature…three figures, racing together, suddenly pause and look at one another…three sets of burgundy eyes…a ledge, and the three blurry strangers pause and throw backpacks to the ground, cover them, and then dart away…trees opening up to a large field, eight figures standing together…three approach from the forest, from the cave… "Do you have room for a few more players?"…_

All of this flashed into Alice's head in a split second. And instantly, both of us knew exactly what it meant. The small coven, the trio that she had seen coming before, was here. And they heard us playing. They were coming here, now.

Bella was with us. And these visitors did not drink from animals.

I didn't think. I didn't even hesitate. I was springing away from Carlisle, racing to Bella's side, before anyone else could move a single muscle. I stopped in front of her just as Esme's tense voice broke the sudden silence. "Alice?"

"I didn't see – I couldn't tell." _I didn't realize that they were this close. I only saw them arriving at our house, but I assumed they came from the east, not the north. Why didn't I see that?_

My family was gathered around her. Esme had taken five steps away from Bella and I, reluctant to leave the two of us behind completely. "What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked, his voice calm and commanding. _She's still dazed from the vision. Jasper should be able to help her. _

My brother was standing over her now, leaning into her space protectively. She murmured, "They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before." _I didn't see the mountain range from the east, after sunset. It was after sunrise. The glow was sunrise. _

I wished fervently for a moment that I had asked to see what she saw when I arrived home that morning. Why had I overlooked that? Why hadn't I insisted on seeing what she had seen? I might have noticed, might have foreseen… Jasper asked, "What changed?" _It can't just have been perspective, whatever that means. There must be more. She saw them arriving at our house, after all – why are they out here? _

"They heard us playing, and it changed their path." _This is all my fault. If I had just been paying attention, if I had just noticed it…I made a mistake. Oh, God, Bella…_

A shiver shot down my spine. They might not attack without hesitation, but there was much more to it than danger from a possible attack. After all, they might not be thirsty, and if they weren't then they could stop themselves from killing her.

But if they went to the Volturi…

Carlisle turned to me, his mind repeating the same thought. "How soon?" _Can you hear them yet?_

I concentrated, not trying to tune out the voices anymore. Instead, I listened for them – as if I was in a crowded room, I sorted through the voices of my family and left them behind, seeking out unfamiliar voices.

It was easy to pinpoint them, once I could hear strangers in my head. We were far enough away from any humans that I knew they could only be vampires. And I could tell they were, at most, five minutes away.

…_a coven, this far northwest. I knew we wouldn't be the only ones on this peninsula. Our meal outside Seattle was filling, but hunting here must be so much easier. It's so wonderfully cloudy, it must be easier to draw in prey. To hunt here would be…_

…_playing a game, I'd assume. How many are there? We can get away, back in this direction, if they are territorial. The caves will keep our belongings from humans, and we can grab them on the way out. There's an escape route south, too, but our belongings are…_

…_have to play along with his command, I guess. A game might be nice – but would they let us join in? Have they hunted already? I hope they have, it's much easier to talk to other covens if they, and we, aren't thirsty. And if we have to escape…I hope that she's already mapped out routes…_

Their voices were faint, but it was easier to hear them than it would be to hear a human. Vampires seemed to sound louder to me than anyone else. "Less than five minutes. They're running – they want to play." I scowled, angry. Why couldn't they be unsociable? My Bella…I had put her in such danger.

"Can you make it?" _Would you be able to get away safely with Bella? _

"No, not carrying –" I cut myself off, nerves on edge and my mind frantically whirring, trying to find another option. I couldn't see one – it was either run or stay until it was safe to run. I didn't say Bella's name, not wanting to scare her more. It was a little late for that, but I had to do what I could. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

There was no doubt in my mind that if the source of the scent were moving away from them, they would give chase. They weren't "vegetarians", and a chase was a thrill to all vampires.

Emmett turned to Alice. "How many?" _We can probably fight them off. There are nomads, mates and sometimes trios, but the only large covens are those like ours. And the Volturi, but they can't have come here: no one's seen Bella, no one knows that she knows except for us. There can't be many of these visitors._

"Three." _But three is more than enough to pose a threat. If they see her, or catch her scent, they will know she's with us for a reason. Maybe we could convince them that we were going to kill her, but Carlisle couldn't do that. And besides, it would be too obvious that our diet is not like theirs. _

"Three!" Emmett flexed his muscles, trying to sound brave and strong. Tough. "Let them come." _We can handle three. I know Carlisle doesn't like killing others, but they could pose a threat to our family if they went to the Volturi. And they can't kill Bella, they just can't. Edward needs her._

I appreciated my brother's thought, but I was much more concerned with getting Bella out than stopping to ponder and feel happy about my family's willingness to help me keep her safe.

Of course, it really came down to Carlisle's decision. In many ways, he was our father and we respected his decisions. Even Jasper and Alice, who had simply joined our family, respected his beliefs and what he wanted from us. I listened to him, watched as his eyes darted around to each member of the family and finally, Bella.

_The three of them wouldn't attack our family. If we convinced them not to hurt Bella, maybe they would leave without hurting her. Maybe we can make friends with them – we have friends who don't follow our diet. And we can't get Bella out, not now. Edward could carry her, but they would be curious, suspicious. We can't risk it, like he said. _Decision made, he announced, "Let's just continue the game. Alice said they were simply curious."

But in his head, he was tense and worried. _What they don't respect what we ask of them? We might be a larger coven, but what if they have talents? Dangerous ones, like the ones the Volturi guard hold? Jane, and Alec…their talents might not be the only ones of their kind. If they have offensive abilities, and decide to use them…_

This, too, bothered me. But I was much more concerned about making sure Bella got out of this alive. I couldn't believe that I'd been so foolish, to bring her out here. Another mistake I had made…

Esme turned around, and she spoke so fast that I had to listen to make sure I heard her. "Are they thirsty?" _Please, please, don't let them be thirsty._

I thanked God – as if he could hear me – that they weren't. I shook my head sharply, and my mother sighed in relief. Out loud, I told her, "You catch, Esme. I'll call it now."

She understood. _Of course I will. Don't worry, Edward. None of us will let anything happen to her. She's too important to you for any one of us not to help. Even Rosalie must see that. _I pressed my lips together tightly, having already heard my sister's animosity. She wasn't pleased, and especially hated that everyone was so willing and eager to help keep Bella safe. She was fuming. I didn't listen.

Instead, I tried to scan the trees and listen for the thoughts of the trio heading in our direction. Alice and Esme stood closer to us than the others, readying themselves to either spin around or move to shield the two of us. I turned to Bella. "Take your hair down," I said, keeping my voice low. They weren't close enough to hear us talking, but the tension of the situation made me feel like I had to.

She obeyed instantly, her eyes wide with worry. Not fright, of course, but worry. How did I know that she wouldn't be scared? "The others are coming now," she said, matching the volume of my voice. Everyone on the field could hear her, but she didn't seem to know. Or, if she knew, she didn't seem to notice.

"Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." It was a struggle to keep my voice low and even when I wanted to roar, to shout for the intruders to leave immediately – to pick her up and run, run and not stop. I moved slightly quicker than I wanted to as I pulled her hair down around her shoulders, hiding her face. Less skin showing, which would obviously not be the same texture as ours. And her eyes were hidden, which would have instantly given her away.

From yards away, Alice called softly, "That won't help. I could smell her across the field." _Hiding the way she looks might not be enough to keep them from noticing. Besides, we can hear her heartbeat. They might guess animals, and assume that a human came here and left, and possibly not notice her appearance – but the chances of that are so slim, Edward. _

"I know." It was so aggravating, sitting here, waiting for her would-be murderers to show up. I could do nothing. I couldn't run with her, I couldn't hide her, and I couldn't protect her. I was going to fail. A thick, heavy melancholy settled in behind the thrumming strain of bubbling anger. I knew that Jasper wouldn't sense it, not yet, and I knew that if he did he would be keeping an eye on me as well as our visitors. I didn't want that – everyone had to be watching out for Bella, and only Bella.

She startled me when she murmured, "What did Esme ask you?"

_She noticed? _My mother was startled. _Oh, Edward, don't tell her. She doesn't need to think about it. _

_Wow. Perceptive. And she'll figure it out later if you don't tell her,_ Alice thought. _She seems to be good at figuring out puzzles. And besides which, I'll say it if you don't. _

I took Alice's advice, reluctantly. Esme's advice was bred from motherly concern and overprotection, not the concept that Bella needed to know what she was dealing with. And I knew that Alice would definitely go right ahead and say it if I didn't. "Whether they were thirsty," came the reluctant answer.

As I watched the forest for any sign of them, the game progressed slowly and without much enthusiasm. We were all too keyed up with worry to even think about throwing ourselves into the game. I couldn't focus on my family, for I was waiting for the inevitable.

For a long moment, I could only think of what I had done to Bella. I had put her in such danger, so unthinkingly. How could I have brought her into this world so naively? I knew what was out there. I knew that we were dangerous. I knew that I wasn't the only threat to Bella.

And still, I pulled her in. I did this to her. I might as well have killed her on that first day of Biology, for I was the one killing her now.

Their minds drew closer, and I knew that they were going to be within hearing range of my ears – rather than my mind – soon enough. "I'm so sorry, Bella," I told her, feeling the need to apologize. "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry." I was throwing her to the wolves, figuratively speaking, and not doing a thing to stop it. I felt terrible for sitting here with her, and I wanted to run her away so badly that it was tearing me apart inside.

When I finally heard them brushing through the trees, I stopped breathing from the overwhelming fear, panic and anger that swirled in an intense vortex inside of me. This was it. The end. I'd done this to myself, of course, by bringing her here. I moved without thinking about it, placing myself between the threat and my Bella. My eyes locked on the point in the trees that I knew they would emerge from, judging by the sound of their passage through the wilderness.

My family turned as well, facing the threat alongside me.

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**A/N – To be continued…**

**Sorry about the very long top A/N, but I had to get that all off my chest. :) **

**Thanks for reading! **


	33. The Hunt

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I know you've all been waiting for a while, and I'm sorry it's taken a long time. **

**_As of 9/6/08, I have moved my review reply to _"**bbnax**_" from the previous chapter to my Livejournal. It's just too dang long. :D The link to my Livejournal is on my Profile, if you're curious to see what it was or wish to read it again. Although I don't really see why you would, since it was just me ranting. :)_**

**I hope you enjoy this update!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Four: The Hunt**

I could hear them in my head before they broke through the trees. One female, two males: all intent on the fact that there was a large coven in the area. They were wary of our size, and had decided that it would be for the best if they introduced themselves before continuing along on their way. They'd caught our scent on our hunting grounds, near Goat Rocks.

And the sound of our game had drawn them to us. A spasm ran through my jaw muscles as I fought not to grimace. This coven had come because we were too caught up in our fun and games – and I had been too caught up reveling in the ability to show off for Bella. I'd put her in so much unforgivable danger, but this, by far, took the cake.

Bella wasn't the only one in danger of losing her life if these vampires attacked. These strangers might go to the Volturi with the situation we were presenting them. And if the Volturi thought that we were breaking the most important law, then the most extreme result would entail my entire family paying the price with their "lives". My heart was wrenched in two at the thought of everyone I loved dying, because of me. Because of my mistakes…

An instant later, the coven burst through the trees.

The male leading them into the clearing fell back, allowing the second male and the female to pull to a stop in front of him. He was astonishingly plain looking; his skin was the same white granite as ours, and his eyes were an unnatural burgundy. But he was not breathtakingly beautiful, as all vampires were. Or so we thought: apparently, this was not the case. He could have fit in seamlessly among humans, as long as he was out of the sun.

I might have thought – as Carlisle did, now – that the man had simply run faster than the rest of his coven. If not for his thoughts, I would have. Instead, the instant he stepped into the field, he had assessed the situation and decided to hang back – for his own protection.

Laurent knows what to do. He can act as leader in my place. It's better for us if I'm not placed in the most dangerous position. And besides, this is my coven. He'll do what I want him to do…

It was a false setup. The real leader of their coven was hanging back, trying to make us think that Laurent was the leader. Laurent, the dark-haired vampire who thought of this plain, lighter-haired man with respect and fear… _He knows what he's doing. Maybe he sees some kind of danger that I can't. I wouldn't put it past him…_

And the female: her hair was a fiery, fierce red, entangled with leaves and other debris from the forest. She was cautious, her eyes constantly moving to take in everyone in our family. Her eyes rested on Bella for only a moment, and I almost moved to block her completely from view. But then… _She might be like James. Different from others of our kind, by appearance: they'd both fit in well among humans. We'll have to ask about that. But James has already thought of that. _

The plain one's name was James, then. I was unexpectedly glad for his presence: it was his appearance that had planted the seed of thought in this woman's head before she even saw Bella. She automatically jumped to assume that my Bella was like this James, because she already had evidence of him in front of her. It wasn't too large a leap. His presence was surprisingly lucky for us.

They closed ranks as they walked towards us; Laurent led them, James at his side, and the yet-unnamed female to Laurent's left. So…since James was pretending that Laurent was the leader, he automatically took the man's right-hand side, the side closer to Bella and I. He was declaring his importance in his coven, but only I knew just how important he really was.

The trio walked carefully, ready to crouch and defend themselves in case we decided to attack. There were more of us, and this was our territory. They had to be prepared for the possibility.

James sniffed the air, almost unnoticeably. _There must have been a human here recently. I wonder if they fed just before they started playing, if they drew some prey out here where it's secluded. That would be smart. _My face was solid stone: none of my disgust shone through.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stepped forward to meet them, their calm demeanor convincing the other coven that there was no immediate danger. They straightened to more casual stances, but kept ready to run at any moment if it appeared that we were about to attack.

When they were closer, scanning less and less, they finally noticed our eyes.

_How can their eyes be a different color?_ Laurent exclaimed. _Why? _

_What does this mean?_ The female was frightened. _Are they older than us? Is there something different about the humans here?_

_Interesting_. It was James' reaction that was interesting. Most vampires that we met reacted like Laurent and the female, scared and yet curious. But James…his reaction was almost scary. He wasn't bothered by our differences at all. He was curious and…nothing else. For some reason, it bothered me.

Laurent knew that he had to make the first move, as "leader" of the intruding coven. He smiled, barely a hint of fearful curiosity in his voice. Jasper was slowly calming the trio down: not too intrusively, or they would become suspicious. "We thought we heard a game." His voice was accented – French, I believed. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and James."

_Polite. Maybe they would become our allies. The Denali coven already knows of Bella, and they haven't said a word about it to the Volturi, even thought they are strictly law-abiding._ "I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." He gestured to each of our groups, not pointing out specific people.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked. He couldn't have been less interested in the game. _They seem friendly. And look at their clothing – they can't be nomadic. Their group is so large. But how is this possible? So many of our kind in one place, and all having the same golden eyes_. His eyes fell on Bella. _Except for her. But maybe she is like James: different. Extremely so, but I can't pretend to know everything about our kind._

Astonishing. Once again, James had saved us. I was beginning to feel slightly grateful that he was here.

_There's no time for that. We can't stay here much longer than for pleasantries. We have to figure out a way to get Bella out of here before the coven sees her as human. I don't know why they haven't noticed already._ My father didn't realize that this coven thought that her appearance was merely ability, something amplified by the venom to make her look more human.

"Actually, we were just finishing up. But we'd certainly be interested another time." _Are they going to be sticking around? We'll have to keep watch over Bella and make sure that they don't cross paths with her again. If they do, then they'll figure it out instantly. The wind is blowing the other way right now, luckily enough._ "Are you planning to stay in the area for long?"

Alice, too, remarked on the wind. _Of all the luck that we've had today, I'm grateful that the wind hasn't changed. But I can't see everything – they're making up decisions as they go. The leader of that coven is deciding his move, depending on Carlisle's words._

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time." _And we've never seen those of our kind with the appearance that this coven has. Their dress, their manner and their eyes – they are different. How? Why?_

"No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves." _At least we don't have to worry about many vampires running across us when we're so far out here. This is not going to be the norm for whenever Bella is with us, or when Edward is with her. Thankfully._

Jasper's influence had seeped out completely. The other coven was fully relaxed and at ease with us, but Jasper made sure that the calm wasn't accompanied by lethargy.

Laurent casually asked, "What's your hunting range?" _We must be sure that we don't intrude on their territory. They're strange, even for vampires. I think I'll have to recommend to James that we leave their area quickly. It's simply too dangerous for us._

Carlisle ignored Laurent's assumption that we hunted humans, settling for a simple explanation. "The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali." _Maybe we could take Bella up there, if these travelers decide that they want to stay in this area for a while. If Edward took her, we could tell them that he was simply taking his mate with him up for a visit with the second coven. Bella would be safe with Tanya's family._

She would be safe there. It was a workable solution. But first, I had to get Bella out of this clearing without this coven clueing in on my motives.

Laurent's reaction – indeed, the coven's reaction – was something more or less expected. "Permanent? How do you manage that?" _Staying in one place? Not having to chase hunts all across the country? No, James would never consider it._

Victoria had a different reaction, but one part remained the same._ I'd never want to stay in one place. Laurent seems interested. I'd go with James. He would never keep to one place – hunting and following prey is so much more satisfactory._

There it was, again. Why would James never consider it? But then, hearing his thoughts – he wouldn't stay in one place, not for anything – I deduced that he simply enjoyed the nomadic lifestyle. He was a traveler by heart, then. He was also not very happy with Laurent's curiosity, which was plain and evident in his voice as he spoke.

Carlisle took the opportunity, a leap of inspiration striking him. If _we get them to go somewhere else, Edward can take Bella in another direction, possibly home. He could stay with her, just in case._ "Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably? It's a rather long story." _And maybe they'll be interested by our diet. It would always be nice to have less of our kind killing._

James and Victoria exchanged a glance, surprised by the offer. Victoria was curious, interested in the prospect of entering a home. _Cleaning up without depending on rain or streams? That's quite an opportunity – I wonder if we can take it. I'd certainly like to be clean, around these females. And it would be easier to see where they live, to know where we should avoid if we have to run from here. I don't know if my escape routes from here would take us near this establishment or not._

Once again, James was…different. _A home. How quaint. Different. Why do they do this? They live among prey? That would be an interesting hunting style. But they said permanent. I wonder how they hunt_. Something nagged at the back of my mind, a subtle clue in his words that bothered me. But I was focused on much more important matters at the moment.

Laurent spoke for them, his own curiosity burning. "That sounds very interesting, and welcome. We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while." _He was rather interesting prey. But a home, a real, permanent home…_ Laurent was caught up in thoughts of an actual house.

But I was trying to figure out why his words had sent another nagging sensation through me. A comment and a stray thought…but I couldn't link them together. I was trying too hard not to attack Bella, while watching the three strangers, while also waiting for the chance to take her and run…too much to conjecture on stray comments that probably didn't mean anything.

I was just imagining that intuitive sense which screamed at me that there was something strangely dangerous here. I already knew it was dangerous, of course, but there was something…if only I could figure it out…

I shook the thought from my head, hearing Carlisle's thoughts echoing triumphantly. _Of course – we can protect Bella easily. Why didn't I think of it before? This is the perfect chance_. "Please don't take offense, but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand."

_Understandable, certainly_. "Of course. We certainly won't encroach on your territory. We just are outside of Seattle, anyway," he laughed. _James said he tasted very good. I'm glad we all got a meal after that hunt_. My stomach twisted uncomfortably. What was it that kept pinging away at the back of my mind, trying to dredge up some memory or scrap of knowledge?

Carlisle took a second chance. _Edward, get ready to take Bella out of here. You'll have to move fast, just in case, and run her home. You can make it – I can stall them here for a few minutes, enough to give you a generous head start_. "We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us – Emmett and Alice –"

Suddenly, Alice stiffened: I noticed. No one else did. _No! Too late!_ she screamed in her head.

" – you can go with Edward and Bella –" _It's going to work…_

The wind shifted directions.

" – to get the Jeep." The last word was out of his mouth before he caught the scent. _No…_

There was a brief millisecond between the moments James caught the scent, and when he turned his head. The moment the scent of her blood hit him, his thoughts flashed in violent, vibrant imagery – hunting. Hunting young girls, old men, the strong and the weak…anyone.

Victoria caught the scent, too. _There's a human here?_

_Prey_. James. _A new game, already, maybe…_

Game?

No.

_Game_. The word combined with the evidence of James. His thought that drawing prey out to the field was smart: Laurent and Victoria's certainty that James would never give up hunting – "_across the country_", if I remembered correctly: his admission of the fact in his own head, and his repetitive thoughts on hunting styles. And, most importantly, what had been nagging me about Laurent's thoughts. _He was rather interesting prey…James said he tasted very good. I'm glad we all got a meal after that hunt…_ With a sudden flash on understanding, I saw what I had missed.

James was a tracker. A vampire that possessed some ability that influenced hunting capacities. I'd heard of trackers who could catch a scent and find that person again, no matter where they were. I'd heard of one in the Volturi who could hunt down anyone on the planet, just by using his mind. Trackers were dangerous: they were excellent at finding people.

But James…he was a hunter at heart. He lived for it. He enjoyed hunting down a human, tracking them wherever they went before killing them. It was a game for this tracker. It was a game.

He called Bella "_prey_". _"A new game_"…

And then he turned, nostrils flared. His mind was whirring with possibilities for taking Bella from me, the certainty that he could steal "my meal" without too much trouble. He would kill her, rip his teeth into her throat…

The scene in his mind, the background, was that of the field.

He wouldn't abduct her and take her away. She was…too sweet and tempting to him. I heard it from his very head. She smells wonderful. No wonder the young one brought her with him, as a snack. He didn't want to just track her. He just wanted her – he wanted her blood, and he didn't care about my "claim" on her. That she was "mine".

But she was _mine_. And no one – _no one_ – was going to kill her. And James wanted to kill her right here. Right now. He crouched, leaning forward offensively.

And I reacted without thinking. I was operating on almost base instinct, seeing only a threat... I reacted to the _threat_, defending what was _mine_ without even considering the bigger picture here. I knew what trackers were like – I had tangled with some on my own, during my rebellion, and only once before had a tracker run across our family as she pursued prey into our territory.

I knew what trackers were like, and I didn't even think about it. Bella was _mine_ – both sides of me felt it, claimed her as such – and I didn't even consider anything else...

A snarl tore from my throat as I bent my knees, my stance defensive. The roar came from both the predator and human in me: they united over this common _threat_.

Swift, tense silence fell over the eleven of us. Bella stood completely frozen behind me. My family was to my right, the _threat_ to the left. I barely heard conversation over the pounding roar that was locked in my head. The majority of my attention was focused solidly on the tracker.

"What's this?" _What is James doing? Is that one going to attack us? Did he react or act?_

"She's with us." _Why now? Why did the wind have to change now? A few moments, that was all we needed…_

"You brought a snack?" _This is different from any technique I've ever seen._

The words held little meaning to me.

But a second, dark-haired _threat_, stepping towards me and _mine_, definitely had meaning. I snarled again, more harshly – _she's not yours! You can't have her!_ The second figure backed off, but the first was still crouched. Still dangerous.

_That snarl - wild, out of control. Edward's not in control. _"I said she's with us." _He's not thinking clearly. Edward, you must assert control over yourself. Think. Don't act on instinct. That's just as dangerous as James_. A twinge of acknowledgment of that particular voice rang in my head, but not for long.

The second _threat_ spoke. "But she's human." _They aren't going to drink from her? Then why is she here?_

_Because she's mine_, I snarled in my head, eyes locked on the first risk to her safety. _You aren't going to kill her._

"Yes." _Edward, it will be okay. We can handle this. But you need to get yourself under control._

On my side – my allies – the largest of them stepped forward. I didn't growl: it was apparent that he wasn't coming towards her. He was glaring at the tracker. And, slowly, the tracker slid out of the crouch, straightening. But his gaze was directed behind me, eyes never leaving her. Maybe I could attack now, tear into him preemptively before he could get to her…

A sharp spike of calm slammed into me. My head cleared.

It was a direct jab from…from Jasper. From my brother… I shuddered slightly, never leaving my position. Bella would be undefended if I didn't stay like this, for now. I couldn't attack James, the tracker. Not here, not now. First I had to get Bella to safety…

I was shocked and horrified with myself. I didn't know what it was that had snapped me so completely into an instinctually driven, primitive mindset. But it had been chillingly perfect in its rage. The Edward I had been under that side's control was severely different from the self that was back in control of this body.

At least it had been the protectively animalistic instincts that overpowered my mind. If it had been bloodlust…Bella would be dead at my hand, already. I was lucky that my thoughts of her had been "_mine_" rather than "_prey_".

Jasper sent out another, subtler wave of calm. _We're going to have to move fast. You're back in control of yourself, I can tell. That blistering anger isn't as wild and out of control_. But it was still there – oh, it was definitely there. I still desired nothing more than to rip James into pieces.

Laurent tried to be peacemaker, tried to make James see his side. "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other." _This is very interesting. But it appears like the young male is protective of his mate, rather than his prey. If she's with them, as Carlisle says, that must be the explanation. Unless she's a pet human…_A wave of disgust rolled down my spine at the thought.

_He had better not attack._ "Indeed." Carlisle's eyes were focused on James.

_I can follow her scent. They might return her to her home, if they don't have the opportunity to kill her tonight. I can get to her before they do. Maybe she's not a meal, but a pet. Either way, she's well protected – good prey. An interesting prospect…_ My rage towards James was palpable. I was surprised that Bella hadn't backed away from me in fright…

Something made me listen to Laurent closely. _James had me act as leader of this coven, and that is what I'm going to do. I respect him, but this is a dangerous situation for all three of us. They aren't giving up on protecting her_. "But we'd like to accept your invitation," he said. "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said."

James' eyes flew to Laurent's face. _What? He's insane to think I would agree to this. It's much more than a simple game now. To kill her here would have been interesting – but to get here away from that young one would be so much more than that. It's the ultimate hunt. The coven seems determined to keep her alive, to side with their youngest member. And I don't give up._

His eyes flew to Victoria as he thought it, and her words mingled with his. _James won't give up on this hunt, no matter what Laurent claims he has the authority to do. And I won't, either. James wants help? I'll give it to him. We can track this human female down with ease; take her from this coven by force. It's a perfect game, for him…_

They weren't going to abide by Laurent's statement. They were still dangerous.

But Carlisle didn't know what was really happening. He didn't know that Laurent was not actually the leader of the coven. He judged the statement, looking at Laurent's face instead of Victoria or James', and believed him. Laurent was telling the truth, after all. He wouldn't – but James and Victoria? They would.

_Edward, you must move fast_, he thought to me. "We'll show you the way," my father decided. "Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" _They'll provide cover for a few moments. Go, Edward. Take her and go._

Alice flew toward me; her face was strained and her small frame quivered, wracked with guilt. _How could I not have seen this? The weather doesn't change. It was always there. But it was always their reaction – when Carlisle spoke, James leaned forward. A fraction of an inch, that was all it took. Edward, I'm so sorry._

Emmett backed up, eyes locked on James._ He was going to kill her. He's the threat. He made one wrong move, and I'd have been all over him in an instant._

I straightened slowly, my emotions a quagmire of turmoil. We were going to head to the car – and I was going to drive with her away from here. She was never coming back – at least, not until James was dead. He would find her here too easily.

I was going to kidnap her. The thought made me feel – of all things – insanely guilty. She didn't deserve any of this… "Let's go, Bella." My tone was bleak, my voice quiet.

Beyond the wall of my family, in the midst of his own coven, I heard James' mind. _Finally, the young one speaks. Bella, then, is it? What a fitting name for such a pretty girl. I'll have to remember her name – I can use that later on. After all, I never fail…_ A few flashes of memory later, and I believed him. He'd never failed. And he never, ever gave up.

Rage and grief propelled me. I grabbed Bella as I turned, grasping her elbow with as light a grip as I could manage while I was so wracked with rage, fear and guilt. Emmett and Alice blocked us from view as we headed towards the edge of the woods, at a relatively slow pace.

Carlisle was distracting them, having Jasper pin them in place with lethargic waves of calm. Giving us time to get to the Jeep…

Once we were out of their sight, I swung Bella up on my back without breaking my stride. And then I was running, pounding the sodden, dank earth with my feet. I might as well leave a trail that was too easy to follow. James would never give up on finding Bella. He was too involved in the hunt. He'd already engrained her scent in his memory for tracking purposes later on.

Alice and Emmett trailed behind me, too slow to keep up with my relentless, infuriated pace. I was at the Jeep before they even caught up with me, and I had to be careful not to actually throw Bella into the backseat.

Emmett appeared behind me, and I snapped, "Strap her in," as I darted to the driver's seat. Alice was already in the passenger side seat before I'd even turned on the car. The instant that Emmett's door was shut, the engine was roaring, and I began to drive.

It was second nature, something that I was especially grateful for right now. Nevertheless, the stress was too much for me to hold in any longer. That James was a tracker…a string of profanities poured from my mouth, increasing when I recalled how ridiculously ironic it was that I'd been almost grateful that he was there. I was almost glad that he'd been present when Laurent and Victoria thought that Bella was a vampire with a strange ability. How stupid. Irony. I hated it.

Alice was watching the future, searching for James, specifically. She was sure that we could stop him. And she didn't stop berating herself for not seeing the wind's direction sooner. Emmett was more concerned about fighting James off than with knowing what he was up to. He wanted James gone.

Bella's voice broke the silence, startling me. "Where are we going?" Her whisper-soft question was dazed.

But when no one answered, her tone became sharper, much more aware. "Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?" There was fear in her voice. It was leaking into the car, as well. I struggled not to respond to the scent, but I had to respond to her question.

"We have to get you away from here – far away – now." Emmett didn't question me: he knew it was for the best. Alice didn't say a word: she already knew what I was doing. She's already reassured me that Bella would forgive me for this. We have to protect her. She'll realize that, even if she's not happy right now.

She erupted into shouts. "Turn around! You have to take me home!" I heard – rather than saw – her hands struggling to release the straps of her harness.

"Emmett." She had to calm down. And she couldn't take off her harness, not when we were going – I glanced at the speedometer, vaguely interested – one hundred and five miles per hour.

_I've got her_. Emmett told me grimly.

"No! Edward! No, you can't do this!" she begged, pleading. My heart felt like it was breaking as I heard her crying out like that. I felt monstrous, horribly guilty… She didn't want to go. I'd always told her she had a choice and that she never had to come with me. And now, when she was actually taking that seriously, I could not allow her to. She was going to hate me for this…she would hate me. Fear me. The thought twisted my stomach uncomfortably. I knew it would happen someday, when she'd want to run away from me…

It took everything I had to say, "I have to, Bella, now please be quiet." I wondered if she could hear the dead tone in my voice – or if, in her hysteria, she didn't even realize that I was being torn apart inside to do this to her. But I had to keep her safe…I had to.

Alice shot a warning glance in my direction. _Edward, she's scared, yes, but not of you. She's afraid for –_

"I won't! You have to take me back – Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family – Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!"

_For us_, Alice finished grimly. I ignored her. "Calm down, Bella." She didn't understand. We had forever to live, quite literally. And besides… "We've been there before."

"Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!" Her legs kicked the back of Alice's seat. Of course we would do this for her – didn't she realize that? She was so important to me…if I had to, I wouldn't even involve my family, if that were what she was worried about. I could take all the blame on myself if I needed to.

Alice noticed that plan. And she also noticed something else, buried in a quagmire of visions she was pulling through her head. "Edward, pull over." _We have to talk this through. We have to deal with this, rather than run from it. You need to talk to her._

I glared at her, incredulous. Talk it over? While there was a monster trying to hunt Bella down? I sped up.

"Edward, let's just talk this through." _There's more than one possibility here. And running with her, in a panic like this, might not be the best thing for us to do. We have to think about this before we decide._

"You don't understand," I roared, unable to contain myself any longer. The fear was so consuming: vampire emotions were so much more intense than their human incarnations. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you _see_ that? He's a tracker!"

Emmett's mind went startlingly blank for a moment before it was whirring again._ A tracker? Damn, that's bad. If he still wants to hunt her down, he's got a talent on his side. Trackers – what might he have? The ability to follow prey? Maybe he can lock onto her scent. But we don't know what his ability is yet – maybe Edward does. Tracker abilities…come on, what other ones are there? I can't think of many…_

Alice, however, was unsurprised. _Yes, I did. I know. I'll text Carlisle so he can know without the coven realizing it. But he's currently distracting them, keeping the tracker from tearing after us. _"Pull over, Edward." _I know what I'm telling you to do. Do it_. I pushed harder on the gas. "Do it, Edward."

"Listen to me, Alice. I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion, his obsession – and he wants her, Alice – her, specifically. He begins the hunt tonight." Regardless of Laurent's promise, ignoring the fact that we were protecting her, and utterly enjoying every moment of it…he would.

_And how will he find her?_ "He doesn't know where –"

"How long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town? His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth."

Bella understood something before I did. "Charlie! You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" She began thrashing around again.

"She's right." Alice eyes me carefully._ You know she is. And you may save her and she would forgive you for taking her. She would forgive you for letting Charlie die. But imagine the pain that would put her through._

My foot eased up against my will, moving leadenly. I was torn. I didn't want to hurt her like that. And I didn't want her to die because I made the wrong decision.

"Let's just look at our options for a minute," Alice pushed. _You can't do that to her, and you know it. For her. Because of her. Just calm down for a second, because I've got something to say._ I slowed down more, my eyes darting to her side of the car in confusion. What did she mean by that?

_If she wasn't human, they couldn't hurt her._

My foot stomped on the brakes. We slid onto the shoulder, and Bella was the only one who was tossed forward and back into her seat. Emmett's grip kept her from flying through the windshield. A wave of guilt flew through me, but just as quickly vanished as I turned on Alice. "There are no options."

"I'm not leaving Charlie!" Bella shouted, stubborn and bold.

I said nothing to her. Her words and her expression would kill me slowly, if I looked at her now. I glared at Alice. She didn't take it back, but instead settled for searching through visions. Nothing showed Bella safe – too many decisions hung on that result – but nothing showed her as one of us, either. That was good.

Emmett was thinking hard in the backseat, trying to come up with some solution, and he eventually told me, "We have to take her back." _There's no other way to go._

"No." Yes, there was another way: out. Away from Forks: to another state. Country. Continent. Yes, we could go to Europe – the other side of the world.

"He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her." _I know you trust our skills and abilities. What about us? We can protect her._

"He'll wait."

"I can wait, too." _He's not going through me. I guarantee it._

"You didn't see – you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill him." A part of me desperately wanted to kill him for even considering hunting my Bella… but it was also true that he would not give up. Not for anything…

Emmett wasn't bothered by the thought. "That's an option." _He's threatening someone in our family. He's threatening your Bella. That's just not going to happen, not while we're around. I won't let him take her from you._

"And the female. She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too." I called Laurent their leader, not going into the details of the switch. It was best to stick with the terms they'd understand instead of confusing us all with mucking up the details. They could know about it later, after Bella was safe. Right now, she wasn't.

"There are enough of us." _You know that none of us want to see you go through a hell like losing your mate. Because that's what Bella is, you know: your mate. And it would be hell for you to experience something like that_. I knew it would be a hell like no other, even if I were hesitant about using the vampire term for what Bella was to me.

Alice had remained quiet as Emmett slowly talked me down from running away into running to a fight. She spoke up, finally. "There's another option." _We don't leave her human. Then the danger is completely gone._

I turned on her at once, furious that she had even dared say that. "There – is – no – other – option!"

It was silent for a moment. Emmett stared, Bella stared: Alice glared. She was just as infuriated with my behavior as I was with her suggestion. But she managed to remain calm, not allowing her anger to appear on her face. She was determined.

"Does anyone want to hear my plan?" Bella interrupted.

I didn't even think. "No."

Alice glared. _Don't you dare take that tone with her!_

"Listen," Bella pleaded, "you take me back."

"No," I interrupted her this time, turning my head to gaze at her directly.

She frowned at me, frustrated. Angered. "You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait till this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any damned place you want."

We all stared at her. Emmett was the first to say anything. "It's not a bad idea, really." _It's a good plan. It just might work._

"It might work – and we simply can't leave her father unprotected. You know that." _He's vulnerable. We need to give James a reason to stay away from Charlie. If he sees that Bella isn't going to be there anymore, then he won't have a reason to go there himself._

Now everyone's eyes were on me. I didn't like it. "It's too dangerous – I don't want him within a hundred miles of her."

_He's not getting through us._ "Edward, he's not getting through us."

Alice concentrated for a moment, pictures flashing in her head. "I don't see him attacking. He'll try to wait for us to leave her alone."

"It won't take long for him to realize that's not going to happen." It would take a ridiculously short amount of time, as a matter of fact.

"I demand that you take me home." Bella was trying to sound strong – I could hear it in her voice – but she only succeeded in sounding scared. She was scared. And she just might be afraid of me. The thought sent a jolt of pain through me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, pressing my fingers to my temples. She was making it so difficult to do what I knew had to be done...

"Please." Her voice was much smaller, much quieter. There was so much fear in her voice – but maybe not just for her. For her father: for us. Possibly. That was the kind of person she was, after all…

I took a moment more to file all the pieces of the puzzle together in my head before I finally told her, "You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees of not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."

I started the car back up again, having imparted my direction on Bella. Turning us around, I pulled back onto the road, pressing the gas pedal down. We had to move fast, especially since we were heading back into the heart of danger. Bella murmured, "Emmett?"

_What? Oh, her hands._ "Oh, sorry."

My siblings were politely quiet – as much as they could be, at any rate. They watched the road pass on either side of us, and waited for me to say something to them. Emmett was concerned about finding James and finishing him off, and Alice watched the future relentlessly.

Finally, with the plans fully realized in my head, I spoke. "This is how it's going to happen. When we get to the house, if the tracker is not there, I will walk her to the door. Then she had fifteen minutes." I glanced into the rearview mirror, reminding her of what I'd already said. "Emmett, you take the outside of the house. Alice, you get the truck. I'll be inside as long as she is. After she's out, you two can take the Jeep home and tell Carlisle."

Emmett immediately disagreed. "No way. I'm with you." _You're not going out with her alone._

"Think it through, Emmett. I don't know how long I'll be gone." I was going to take her far away from here – somewhere, anywhere. Pain flooded my stomach as I realized that she would blame me if anything went wrong. And I knew that if she grew scared of the hostage situation, she would thus be scared of me. She could only be rational – or irrational, depending on how her attitude was seen – for so long. She was still human, after all…

"Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you." _You need help protecting her. You need someone objective. I like her too, Edward, but not the same way you do. That clouds your judgment, you know? Rosalie can do stuff and I don't notice until too late. And I miss stuff, too – because it's her. I'm more focused on her than on everything else._

I hated to think that he was right about that. I sighed, knowing that I could dissuade him from this stubborn idea later. "If the tracker is there, we keep driving." I didn't care if it meant that Bella would lose her father – I was not about to let her get killed along with him. I could save one, if I couldn't save both.

"We're going to make it there before him." I saw the image in her head, which accompanied her reassurance. "What are we going to do with the Jeep?" _We can't leave it at Charlie's._

My jaw tightened. I'd already told her this. "You're driving it home," I repeated myself slowly.

"No, I'm not." _Try again._

The curses began trickling from my mouth again.

"We can't all fit in my truck." Of course, Bella had to speak up. I tried to ignore her, tried not to hear what she was saying. She was right, but Alice and Emmett could ride in the back. That would make it easier for them to attack James if he attacked us. "I think you should let me go alone."

That merited an immediate reaction. "Bella, please just do this my way, just this once." The words came from between clenched teeth.

"Listen, Charlie's not an imbecile. If you're not in town tomorrow, he's going to get suspicious." I hated that she sounded so sure of herself, so right.

I was glad that I knew what was better. "That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters." He'd be alive, and Bella would be happy for that. She would be safe, and I'd be happy about that. Everyone wins. The end.

"Then what about this tracker?" she pushed, refusing to let it go. "He saw the way you acted tonight. He's going to think that you're with me, wherever you are."

Emmett was surprised. _Man, but she's insightful!_ "Edward, listen to her. I think she's right."

"Yes, she is," Alice added approvingly. _You see? She has a good idea that's better than tearing off into the wild blue yonder without considering the consequences._

I ignored Alice's criticism. I ignored Emmett's approval. All I could think of was the idea of sending Bella off on her own while James was still out there. "I can't do that."

Bella surprised me when she added, "Emmett should stay, too. He definitely got an eyeful of Emmett."

"What?" _What? I'm not staying behind. And she's not going alone – but Edward can't go with her, either._

"You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," Alice told Emmett. _He can be in the hunting party. We've got to track down the tracker, before he gets to Bella._

I turned on her, eyeing her. She had to be insane. "You think I should let her go alone?" There was no way – no matter what Alice told me – that I would let Bella go alone. No. Absolutely not.

"Of course not. Jasper and I will take her." _I can keep an eye on anything that might come for us. And Jasper can keep her from stressing herself into a worried wreck._

It was too logical. It made far too much sense. "I can't do that." No, I just didn't want to do that.

Bella's tone was placating. "Hang out here for a week –" A week? She caught my eyes and corrected herself. " – a few days. Let Charlie see you haven't kidnapped me, and lead this James on a wild-goose chase. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a roundabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home."

It would be better for her health if Jasper were there to keep her calm. Alice could see anything coming for them. And I… I could go after James. I could help keep an eye on him, making sure that he couldn't find Bella. And I could hear him, hear his plans and his thoughts… "Meet you where?" I asked, giving in.

"Phoenix."

My nostrils flared. "No. He'll hear that's where you're going." She was the one who had come up with these plans. She was so observant. Hadn't she realized that James would have to overhear her plans?

"And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously. He'll know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually going where I say I am going."

Emmett chuckled. _She's got a strategic head._ "She's diabolical."

I wasn't fully convinced. "And if that doesn't work?"

"There are several million people in Phoenix," she said slowly, as if I wouldn't understand her.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not that hard to find a phone book."

"I won't go home."

Emotions were the most ridiculous thing on the planet. We were in the middle of a tense, unpredictable situation upon which Bella's life hung. She was in danger every second. And somehow, the thought that she had someone else's house to go to made a small pit of jealousy and worry stab at my heart. She'd said there was no one else. But…but did she lie? Or was it just a friend? Was I being ridiculous? "Oh?" I struggled to hide what I felt.

I seemed to have succeeded. Neither Alice nor Emmett called me on it, and Bella remained oblivious, answering, "I'm quite old enough to get my own place."

"Edward, we'll be with her," Alice reminded me. _We'll just get a hotel room. Maybe by the airport, just in case we need to make a quick getaway._

Forget her and Jasper going with Bella: what would they do once they were there? "What are you going to do in Phoenix?" My tone was scathing and not convinced. If Alice said "shopping", so help me…

Maybe she saw my reaction if she'd said that. Instead, her words were, "Stay indoors." _Duh._

"I kind of like it." _They can take care of Bella easily, and you'll be there soon enough. You can take her out of the country, and on a whirlwind tour of the world – you're a romantic, after all…_

"Shut up, Emmett."

He sensed that this was not a time for joking. Not to me. "Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt – she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone…" _We can take care of him. Maybe even kill him. Then Bella would definitely be safe._

The prospect was intriguing. I was warming up to the idea – but the thought of leaving Bella, even if it were only for a few days, hurt. So much. The Jeep crawled along, now that we were back in town. I didn't want to leave her…

What would Bella do in Phoenix? She would be stuck with Alice and Jasper, and I knew that she wouldn't go anywhere alone. At least, I hope that she wouldn't… What if she did? I recalled her strange thoughts, the way she felt and connected things. Would she protect herself? Or would she put herself in danger, the way she had every single day she was with me? She didn't think about herself, but about others…

Something compelled me to speak. "Bella." Alice and Emmett turned away, looking out the windows. Trying to give us some privacy… She looked up at me from the backseat, her eyes wide and strong in the rearview mirror. She was afraid, but she was holding it together now.

I debated my words before I said them, and my voice was low as I spoke. "If you let anything happen to yourself – anything at all – I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"

She swallowed. "Yes."

I turned to Alice. "Can Jasper handle this?" I didn't want to take her away from one danger and shove her directly into another.

"Give him some credit, Edward. He's been doing very, very well, all things considered." _She hasn't even tempted him any more than any other human he encounters at school on a daily basis. Plus, he can fight, as you very well know. James won't go near us with him around: all of Jasper's battle scars scare so many of our kind._

I didn't really want to ask, but I knew that I had to. "Can you handle this?" Could she fight alongside Jasper if there was need for her to?

Alice, of course, drew back her lips and snarled at me. Bella cowered in her seat, scared. _See? I'm scary. I can fight. Jasper's shown me how, and I'm no idiot. Oh, and I know you're stalling. You're also being pretty irritating while at it! I wish you'd just turn her already – then you wouldn't have to worry about protecting her from your own family. You see how that works, Edward?_

I grimaced. _Fine, fine – I won't say anything more to you. I'll just concentrate on keeping Bella company with stories_. I noticed that she didn't say anything about what kind of stories she would tell. I'd talk to her about that later: for right now, I settled for one statement.

"But keep your opinions to yourself."

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**A/ N – To be continued…again…**

**Thanks for reading! **


	34. Goodbyes

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N – Thanks to everyone who reviewed for the story. :) And for everyone who reviewed on the previous A/N, I appreciate your comments. **

**To "**bbnax**" – I'm sorry I've offended you. But am I **_**not**_** allowed **_**my**_** opinion? You said yourself everyone has one; that was mine. At any rate (this goes to EVERYONE, not just to **bbnax**) I'm **_**not**_** trying to force my opinions on you all. I'm trying to let you **_**know**_** my opinions, not say "this is the right/only way anyone is allowed to view BD". **

**If it seems like I'm trying to make you all think that there's ONLY my way and no one is ALLOWED to have your own opinion, please know: that's not the way I see it. What I'm trying to do is make it clear to YOU which side I am on with the issue. I'm NOT trying to tell you "you don't like the story? Well, too bad, you're wrong!" What I meant to do by giving you all that rather lengthy response was to broadcast why **_**I**_** don't agree with it. I hope that you all understand this, and know that I'm sorry if I've offended you or made you believe that this was what I was trying to do. **

**Anyway… I'll bet you're glad that this A/N is shorter than the previous one. :) **

**Wait! Something else! I'd like to add that the A/N of the last chapter was not what makes me happy about it – I really **_**LOVED**_** writing that scene! And this one – and the next few chapters – are both a real challenge for me to write. I'm so insanely ecstatic about writing these next few chapters… :D I hope my enthusiasm shows in the writing of them!**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

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**Chapter Thirty-Five: Goodbyes**

I was barely concentrating on driving as I angled the monster Jeep down the road towards Bella's house. Instead, my senses were strained for any sight or sound of James, Victoria or Laurent. Beside me, Alice's fingers swiftly flew over the keypad, informing Carlisle of James' classification as "tracker". She and Emmett joined me in scanning the area around us as we pulled to a stop in front of Chief Swan's house.

None of us exited the vehicle immediately, waiting for Carlisle to text back with information – anything would be useful. I tried my hardest to listen with my extra sense, trying to see if there was an unfamiliar mind in the vicinity. I couldn't pinpoint one, but every single thought within a good mile was bouncing around in my head. I tried not to listen to specific words, but rather, tones of voice.

…_doesn't make sense! Calculus is too…_

…_see if he needs help on his homework…_

…_has to learn to do basic math himself…_

…_a nice homemade meal – she used to love…_

…_come down! I don't care if she's already eaten…_

…_can't eat anything. The scale says I'm…_

…_just want five more dollars for that…_

…_think I'm made of money? It's ridiculous…_

There was no hint of James' malicious mind mixed with the ordinary, relatively tranquil thoughts of normal humans. An image flashed into Alice's mind – words on the screen of the cell phone, which lay in her lap.

James, Victoria left. Laurent here. She is out of Forks?

In Alice's lap, the phone vibrated. She flicked it open with one hand, easily, and snuck a glance in my direction. I could feel her gaze on the side of my face. _I'll tell him we'll be back soon. I don't see anyone coming yet. _With one hand and too fast for the human eye to see, she replied to Carlisle.

At Swan house. Coming back soon. Keep Laurent there. _We don't want him joining the other two,_ she thought to herself. Then, she was scanning the trees again. _We have a window of opportunity. Those fifteen minutes you told Bella are as secure as I can make them. I don't see him attacking._ Then again, that was what she was watching for. _Can you hear him?_

He could be close, but she wouldn't necessarily see him. She was watching for his decision to attack Bella, but the problem was that James had already decided that she would die. A spasm ran through my foot, pressed against the gas pedal, as I struggled not to break it in my anxiety to reach her house.

As we turned onto Bella's street, I saw immediately that the lights in her house were on. And Charlie was still up, waiting for her to arrive home. His mind was calm and placid, his thoughts vaguely interested in the game and absently wondering what Bella was up to. He was completely unaware of what was trying to come after his daughter.

My stomach clenched as I slowed the car down, extending my ability as much as I could. I didn't fully understand how it worked, but I tried my best to listen for any minds outside the perimeter of Charlie Swan's house. I couldn't hear anything except for human minds. But that didn't mean that he wasn't out there…

The engine cut, and I could hear that much more without the loud purr of the engine in my ears. I couldn't hear James or Victoria out in the woods beyond her house, but that didn't mean they weren't there. I waited for a moment more, as Alice scanned the near future. We were both using our extra senses in addition to copying Emmett's scan of the environment.

They waited for my lead, and I stopped hesitating – the longer we waited, the more of an opportunity for James to act. "He's not here. Let's go." And, in a tone and speed impossible for Bella to hear, I added, "Help her out of the harness, Emmett."

I leapt out of the car, moving around the front at a speed that was just slightly too fast. But Charlie was preoccupied; arguing with himself now that he'd heard the car engine, Charlie tried to convince himself that he didn't need to spy out the front window to watch his daughter and her boyfriend. Usually, my insides would twist at the idea that one more barrier, set to protect Bella, seemed to think I was no threat.

In this case, however, I was uncommonly glad. Trying to avoid the notice of prying human eyes was not one of my top priorities in this situation.

Alice passed by me, on her way to the driver's seat of the car. I told her what she had already seen. "Slowly and quietly, Alice. Charlie will think the truck is merely gone, and we have to make sure that he doesn't see you following her." I spoke quietly. Not even Emmett could have heard me.

_It's not going to be a problem. I know what to do. Make sure that you stick close to her – not just for her safety, Edward. _An image of Bella's tear-streaked face came to her mind. I shuddered away from the vision, rounding the car and coming to a stop outside her door.

No, I could already see her face like that. Even if it weren't for the danger that she was in, seeing Bella crying like this made me wish fervently that I never had to leave her side. I wished that I could gather her in my arms and hold her close, and make the tears go away.

I would do anything to protect her from feeling pain. Anything.

_Just tell us when_, Alice called to me as she stood by the front of the car. Emmett had slipped out of his side already, waiting tensely for my command to circle the perimeter. We didn't know if James had already been here or not, and we had to know. Emmett had already decided he would see if the tracker's scent was nearby, and since I hadn't told him not to, he figured that I wanted him to. He was right.

The signal they were waiting for escaped my lips almost instantly. "Alice, Emmett." They slipped into the darkness, running around opposite sides of the house. Alice would come back before Emmett, to move his truck out of the way, while my brother would continue scanning the area around Chief Swan's house.

I took Bella's hand, gently tugging her out of the car and pulling her underneath my arm for protection. I walked swiftly, pushing our pace faster than she would be used to. She wouldn't trip, since I was practically carrying all of her weight. My eyes did not stop scanning the forest around me, and I listened intently for any sound – not with my ears, but with my mind.

I could hear Emmett, roving through the trees and sniffing for a scent. I met Alice's eyes as she darted back to the Jeep, concealed in shadow. _You're still clear for at least fifteen minutes. But I can't guarantee anything more than that. Hurry, Edward – I don't want to lose my sister. _

Ignoring her comment, I warned Bella, "Fifteen minutes," under my breath.

"I can do this," she replied, sniffing.

We were on the porch, in front of the door, when she planted her feet and stopped moving. I could have pushed her, more, but I was selfish. I was foolish. She didn't want to go in yet, and I couldn't force her when I wanted her to stay with me, too.

And also, she had turned her face up to mine. Her eyes were fierce as she held my gaze. "I love you." Her words sent a shocking thrill through me, despite the circumstances. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now."

Did she think that she couldn't be protected? Did she think that her death and James' hands was inevitable? "Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella." I willed her to believe my oath, as much as I willed myself to make it true.

Purposefully, she ignored my reassurance. "Just follow the plan, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want to have the change to apologize later." I didn't understand what she meant, and neither did I know her plan.

All I knew was that our time was irrevocably retreating on us, shrinking smaller and smaller every passing second. "Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry."

"One more thing," she whispered, once again ignoring me. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!"

I had been leaning towards her, my body forming a protective barrier against anything that might come at her headlong. My back was to danger. And so, it was easy for her to stretch onto her toes and press her lips to mine. Heat burned from her mouth to mine.

Not moving away from her was safer than trying to dart away from her lips' gentle touch. And I wasn't about to give up my position, standing guardedly over her smaller, much more delicate frame. I wasn't very surprised by her action, considering that I had, indeed, seen it coming. It was just safer for her, if I didn't move.

But I was surprised by her words, as she pulled back from me. Glistening tears rolled down her cheeks, as she turned and kicked the door open. Violently. I almost reached forward to steady it when she screamed, "Go away, Edward!" And then, the door was slammed in my face.

I almost stayed frozen there. Almost. But my mind, sharpened by extreme emotions coursing through me, pulled me up to speed with what was happening inside the house. My feet carried me away from the porch as Alice pulled away in the Jeep. From inside the house, Bella shouted, "I'm going _home_!"

I scaled the tree to her window in record time, darting into her room silently and purposefully. She was on the floor, pulling herself up with an old sock in her hand, for some odd reason. A duffel bag was on the bed, lying open and empty. Her voice was high-pitched as she shrieked, "No!" in response to Charlie's infuriated question of whether I had hurt her. The Chief's thoughts were particularly violent when he thought of it, and my lip curled slightly at the irony.

No, it wasn't that kind of danger that I presented his daughter with: my style was more of the exposing her to a homicidal tracker vampire type.

I threw myself away from those dangerously dark thoughts. My mission right now was simple. The keys to her truck were lying on her desk: I snatched them as I darted by, shoving them into my pocket.

When she turned around, I was already at her dresser, pulling out articles of clothing for her. Now was no time for embarrassment, and I snatched out undergarments along with jeans and shirts. I threw them all to her, and she in turn threw it all into the bag.

Through the door – which was locked, I saw – Charlie's more puzzled question came through. "Did he break up with you?" _Why else would she be so hurt? Why else would she want to leave? I thought she liked it here. _

"No!" she yelled, slightly breathless in her efforts to shove the things I'd thrown to her into her duffel. I grabbed more things for her to pack. I didn't know how long she'd be gone – or if she'd even be able to return. No, I couldn't think like that. She would return. I might have to run with her across the country until we got rid of James, but she would, someday, come back to Forks. If I had anything to say about it, she would be back.

"What happened, Bella?" _I don't understand this! That boy definitely has something to do with it, but I just don't understand!_ His fists pounded on the door.

A lie so obvious I was sure Charlie would hear it, even though the tears and hysteria, tore from her lips. "_I_ broke up with _him_!" Her fingers fumbled on the zipper of the bag, and I quickly pushed hers aside and closed it for her. Taking care of her trembling, torn and hysterical body, I slung the strap over her arm. I was trying to be gentle, careful: this was hard for her. She did love him, and this was hurting him.

Outside, in the forest, I heard a sound that was not Emmett. He didn't hear it. Because it was not verbal: it was someone's mind. It was James. _Her scent trails this way. I'm sure that she'll be living in one of the houses in this area. It's a repetitive trail, one she's gone over many times…_

Our time was out.

My whisper was too quiet for Charlie to hear. "I'll be in the truck – go!" Go, Bella, and hurry – please. I pushed her to the door, and vanished out the window.

Emmett was waiting outside the window, a ready comment about Bella's guts and determination on the tip of his tongue. I didn't let him speak. "I hear him."

Immediately, he was all business. "He's here?" _I'll kill him. I'll tear him to pieces. That – _

"Yes," I interrupted, answering his question. My eyes flew to the point in the trees where his thoughts were coming from. "That way. See if you can head him off – I've got to make sure that Bella's still moving." From inside the house, I could hear a sudden silence. Bella and her father's voices were lower.

But I could still hear them. "I _do _like him – that's the problem. I can't do this anymore! I can't put down any more roots here! I don't want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I'm not going to make the same dumb mistake she did. I hate it – I can't stay here another minute!"

Instantly, Charlie's thoughts were awash with pain.

I darted around the side of the house; Emmett tore off through the trees, intent on his goal. My hand slipped into my pocket, and as soon as it was in my hand it was ringing. Instead of calling, I answered. "Alice."

"He's going to follow us."

I gritted my teeth. "I know. What can we do?"

"Nothing. Emmett won't be able to shake him off the scent, and they can't fight here. Emmett will lose."

My jaw clenched even tighter. No. We were not losing anyone in this family – not my siblings, not Bella. "Stop him."

Alice hung up. I knew that she would be calling Emmett, to stop him, rather than following the second meaning of my command – to stop James. Stop the tracker. How I wished that we could stop him now, stop all of this before he got any close. But it wasn't possible…

I came to a stop on the far corner of the porch, waiting for Bella to exit so I could shadow her, make sure that she was safe on the way to her truck. Charlie's voice echoed from the house, a plea. "Just wait another week. Renee will be back by then."

The word escaped from Bella and I at the same time. "What?" I didn't understand how that could send a thrill of fear through me, in the midst of everything else that was happening right now.

"She called while you were out. Things aren't going so well in Florida, and if Phil doesn't get signed by the end of the week, they're going back to Arizona. The assistant coach of the Sidewinders said they might have a spot for another shortstop." _Please, just don't leave like this, Bella. Please. _

And somehow, that knowledge sent an icy knife into my stomach. If her mother might be going back to Florida…that meant Bella would have to go back, too. Her home was in Phoenix, after all. She'd go back…

She'd leave.

For one heart-stopping minute, my feet were rooted to the ground. The possibility of Bella leaving had never even occurred to me, even in the happier times before James' interference in our lives. I knew she would want to go back. How could she not? Phoenix was her home. And Forks, at least for a little while longer…was my home. I could not leave, could not go down to Phoenix where there would be sun and…safety. I couldn't be a danger to her when she was nowhere near me.

Somehow, that idea was both tempting and torturous.

I refused to think about it. My mind was reeling, but her sweet, tear-drenched voice pulled me sharply into reality. "Just let me go, Charlie. It didn't work out, okay? I really, really _hate_ Forks!"

From the forest, I heard the sound of both my brother's mind – and the tracker's. James was too close. Bella's plan had worked – he'd heard enough. He knew where she was going – to her mother. I was furiously glad that he didn't know where her mother lived. All he'd heard was the last bit of Bella and Charlie's conversation.

And then Bella was flinging herself into the night air, right in front of me. Her duffel remained on her shoulder as she ran, and I stayed still for a moment, resisting the urge to give chase. Then I remembered that I had to pursue her, and slunk through the shadows so Charlie could not see me. Now, I had to pay attention to more than her safety.

I pulled her keys from my pocket as I ran, sliding into the passenger side of her truck. Her duffel made a loud thump as she dropped it in the bed. Her fingers fumbled as she wrenched the door to her driver's side open. I'd already shoved the keys into the ignition as I entered her car. She started the engine, and shouted, "I'll call you tomorrow!" as she ignored my presence beside her.

It was too dark for Charlie to notice the passenger in the cab beside his daughter, and he was too stunned and hurt to notice.

I reached for her hand as the house disappeared behind us. "Pull over," I demanded quietly.

"I can drive," she insisted, through the tears that flowed freely down her cheeks.

I didn't hesitate. She was in no condition to drive – this had hurt her just as much as it had hurt Charlie. And she was the one who knew what was really happening, who knew that a vampire was now trying to kill her. I pulled her away from the steering wheel, across my lap and into the passenger's seat, and took the wheel myself. The car didn't swerve and inch, and kept at the same speed. I'd moved fast.

Bella didn't know where we were going, so instead of telling her that I knew she was too hurt to drive, I settled for another part of the truth. "You wouldn't be able to find the house."

_We're good on time._ Lights flared to life behind us, as Alice turned on the headlights of the Jeep. _We're far enough away that Charlie wouldn't notice. And James is already following us –what's the point of stealth? Might as well let him know you're not alone. _

A smile twitched on my lips at Alice's purposefully light comments, but faded immediately as Bella's breathing shortened. My eyes darted to her face; her eyes were wide and terrified. "It's just Alice," I told her, taking her hand in mine to try and offer some comfort.

"The tracker?" she asked.

My mood turned grim and darker than it had already been. "He heard the end of your performance."

"Charlie?"

"The tracker followed us. He's running behind us now." And that was why we were heading home. James would be a fool to follow us all the way into our own house.

"Can we outrun him?" Her voice was filled with dread.

"No." But that wasn't the plan, either. Emmett was running alongside us now, his presence deterring James from attacking the truck and Alice's making him even warier. _I can keep this up for a while, Edward, but he's going to try something soon. He probably thinks we're trying to outrun him, doesn't he? _

Indeed, he did. My foot pressed harder against the gas pedal as I heard James' voice in my head. _They can't honestly think they can drive her away from danger? But they are being quite protective of a mere human girl. Perhaps the young one has a stronger stake in her than I realized. Well, I can win this game – and it's one against a coven of seven, as well! _There was excitement in his voice. And then – _No prey has ever escaped me. She won't be an exception._

My stomach twisted. No, he would lose this time. He had to. Fast-pitched, I told Emmett, "How close are you?" My eyes were scanning the road, in front and behind me, and I was listening intently to James' voice in my head. No, he was not going to get her. This was one hunt he would lose.

A thud against the side of the truck drew my attention to Bella's side of the car. Through the darkness of the night, I could discern Emmett's grim face, stretched into a strained smile. _I thought that it would be a good idea for me to run on this side, so that he'd have to literally go through me to get to her. _

I didn't have time to acknowledge his thoughts, for even though they ran through my mind like lightening, it was only milliseconds to Bella. I felt her ribcage expand beside me as she took a sharp, sudden breath. Her heartbeat sped up considerably, and her scent became sweetly tinged with fear.

I cut off her scream, clapping my hand over her mouth. "It's Emmett!" Instantly, she calmed, but her heart was still pounding raggedly. Fire burned in my throat, and I slipped my hand from her mouth to wrap an arm around her waist. "It's okay, Bella. You're going to be safe."

We were all silent for a long minute as we raced through town. Emmett scanned outside the truck, listening intently for any sign of James. Alice, in the Jeep behind us, also scanned – but her concentration was on the future, and on Emmett. Seeing James win against our brother shook her deeply, and she was worried for his safety. I understood her concerns, too.

Emmett didn't know, yet, what Alice had seen – was, in fact, still seeing. The only thing we each had to comfort ourselves with was that Emmett only lost when fighting against James by himself. We had yet to inform him why he'd been called off of stopping James here and now, but he relied on us to know more about circumstances that he couldn't observe. He was trusting.

Much like Bella was trusting… I glanced down at her, curled under my arm, and I felt a twinge of guilty fear at the thought of my sweet, trusting Bella gone from Forks. "I didn't realize you were still so bored with small-town life," I said, my stomach twisting. I was being manipulative, just a little bit, in wording my comments like this. "It seemed like you were adjusting fairly well – especially recently. Maybe I was just flattering myself that I was making life more interesting for you." Indeed, I'd made life a little _too_ interesting.

She didn't notice. "I wasn't being nice. That was the same thing my mom said when she left him. You could say I was hitting below the belt."

"Don't worry. He'll forgive you." He would, of course – but he'd still let her go. He'd let her leave tonight. And if she truly wanted to return to Phoenix, he wouldn't stop her. I knew in my non-beating heart that she would leave for Phoenix, to be with her mother after this entire horror story was over.

I realized, then, that her eyes were shining with fear and concern. Worry. I knew she had to show fear sometime, that she had to worry for her safety eventually, but now that I saw it I wanted desperately to comfort her. "Bella, it's going to be all right."

"But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," she replied.

"We'll be together again in a few days," I reassured her. As if to contradict my words, my arm tightened around her body. I didn't want to leave her, either. "Don't forget that this was your idea," I reminded her.

"It was the best idea – of course it was mine." She tried to tease, to joke, but it fell flat to both our ears. My smile was barely there. She wouldn't have had to have her brilliant plan if it weren't for my mistake. I had brought her to the field, to our game. I had done it. It was my fault… Her words came broken to my ears. "Why did this happen? Why me?"

Oh, she had to ask "why me" in that tone, with those tears… As if I needed to be reminded any more of my mistakes… I couldn't look at her as I told her the plain, simple truth. "It's my fault – I was a fool to expose you like that."

She surprised me. "That's not what I meant. I was there, big deal. It didn't bother the other two. Why did this James decide to kill _me_? There're people all over the place, why me?"

I hesitated, but there was no way of truly sugarcoating this kind of truth. And Emmett was listening outside the window with half an ear, just as curious about that question as Bella was, and I didn't want to lie to him, too. "I got a good look at his mind tonight. I'm not sure if there's anything I could have done to avoid this, once he saw you. It _is_ partially your fault."

Yes, something she had no control over… "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered. But when I defended you…well, that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no matter how insignificant the object. He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks of life."

Outside the window, Emmett swore in a low voice at that information. _Challenge? Of course, a challenge! Damn it! _

I agreed with his sentiments. "Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge – a large clan of strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element. You wouldn't believe how euphoric he is now. It's his favorite game, and we've just made it his most exciting game ever."

Alice couldn't hear us – her visions didn't work that way. Emmett was the only one who knew the information I'd been holding since this had started in the field. _We don't have many options anymore. We never did, but this solidifies it, Edward. If only we could have pretended that she meant nothing to us – maybe he would have thought it wasn't worth the effort?_

I shook my head, needing to answer Emmett and also knowing that Bella deserved to know. "But if I had stood by, he would have killed you right then."

Emmett swore again. Bella hesitantly commented, "I thought…I didn't smell the same to the others…as I do to you."

"You don't. But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to every one of them. If you _had_ appealed to the tracker – or any of them – the same way you appeal to me, it would have meant a fight right there." That would have decided the matter a little more quickly, but there also could have been a casualty on our side, which was unbearable.

And Bella would most likely have seen the fight – or some of it, at least. I shuddered at the thought of her ever witnessing a fight between vampires.

Bella shivered beside me, as if in sympathy. But she didn't know what I was thinking, of course…

Emmett, outside the window, asked quietly, _Edward? What are we going to do? We can't let him walk away. And we can't let him get to her. It would kill you…_

"I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," I muttered. I didn't really want Bella to hear, but I was thinking out loud more than trying to keep my voice from her hearing. "Carlisle won't like it."

_No, he won't. _Emmett sighed. _But I don't think we have a choice, either. _

Bella didn't say anything as the truck went over the bridge, and then she asked, "How can you kill a vampire?"

My eyes darted to her. How could she want to know that? Was she curious, perhaps wondering if there was a way to protect herself from me? Somehow that hurt, and unthinkingly, I told her, "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces."

She didn't shudder, or shrink from me in fear from knowing that I was considering committing that very act. "And the other two will fight with him?"

That was an important question, too. "The woman will." That, I knew without a doubt. "I'm not sure about Laurent. They don't have a very strong bond – he's only with them for convenience." That was my assumption. He had seemed to idolize James, which meant that he also respected him. Perhaps feared him? But… "He was embarrassed by James in the meadow…"

"But James and the woman – they'll try to kill you?" Her voice sounded strangely raw.

Was she frightened for _me_? I could more than take care of myself! "Bella, don't you _dare _waste time worrying about me. Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and – please, please – _trying _not to be reckless."

She avoided answering my question. "Is he still following?" Her question, however, was more important that trying to extract a promise from her.

I could hear him, falling back behind us. "Yes. He won't attack the house, though. Not tonight." He already knew where the house was, but he thought we were taking Bella somewhere far away. Now he saw that we were trying to hold down a fort instead of go on the run. At least, that's what he thought we were doing…

I turned at the driveway, and Alice followed behind me. I took the winding path through the trees faster than was strictly necessary, and my heart felt unexpectedly heavy as I recalled how, Bella had been coming here for the first time just this morning. It was odd, how quickly circumstances changed…

We didn't bother to move the cars into the garage. Parking them there would take too much time. We had to move quickly, even though James was not going to attack us tonight. I could hear him…

Taking her to their little house – either for protection, or seclusion. If they think they can hold me back, by all means, let them try. The human girl is the one they need to watch out for. Can they handle being enclosed with her for so long, and know that I'm out here, ready to attack? But maybe they're not going to keep her human. That would spoil all my fun…

My jaw clenched tightly and I pressed the brakes a little too hard. Emmett was already reaching to open Bella's door when we skidded slightly on the grass, snatching her out of the seat and turning toward the house in one motion. I barely took the time to shove the parking brake on, to keep the truck in place, before I threw myself out of the passenger side door. It was already open.

Alice appeared at Emmett's other side as I took my place at his right, and we all ran up to the house. I pushed slightly ahead at the last second, grasping the door and pushing it open. Alice and Emmett burst in at a dead run, and I slammed the door closed behind us.

My eyes scanned the vampires gathered in the large, main room. Laurent was almost surrounded by them, standing between Carlisle and Esme. Jasper and Rosalie stood on either side of him, not close enough to make him feel trapped, but enough to make sure that he was unable to move without running through one of the four. I was also bombarded with thoughts.

Emmett was growling, low in his throat, at the sight of Laurent. _His coven. He brought them here. Why the heck can't he control them?_ So they still didn't know that it was James who led the clan. I'd have to rectify that, after Laurent was gone.

Carlisle was relieved that we had all arrived safely. _Why did Alice want Laurent to stay here? Is Bella safer with him here, as opposed to out there with James and Victoria? Is it possible we will convince him not to join in their hunt? Or is he going to tell us anything about James that can help us? _

Esme saw Bella's tear-streaked face. _Oh, the poor girl. What I wouldn't give to see her without the agony of this causing her such pain. _

Rosalie – callous, to anyone else. But I heard her surprisingly deep anger. _She's too much of a risk. I will not lose anyone in my family, especially not Emmett. Not over this. She could still be more of a risk than anyone is willing to admit! _As usual, the best option was to ignore her. This was not the time.

And Laurent, caught in a huddle of vampires, watched on with curiosity and worry. _James will not give up. I know that much about him. Has he already found her? _

I chose to answer his question. "He's tracking us." My eyes stayed locked on Laurent, even though I was speaking to the group as a whole.

Laurent, oblivious of my ability, did not realize that I really had been answering his question. "I was afraid of that." _I knew that my power over our coven's decisions only extended so far. I was acting as the leader – I wasn't really the leader. I'm so sorry to them, for pretending I had any authority over this situation…_

Alice spun away from Emmett's side, dancing up to Jasper. _We have to get ready to go. _Leaning forward, she whispered something in his ear that no one else could hear. It was too low for our ears to pick up. _We've got to pack for Phoenix – just one little bag each. Edward, remember to pack light, yourself. You, Carlisle and Emmett will be moving fast. _

I didn't acknowledge her words, just as she expected. Alice and Jasper disappeared up the stairs. As they ran, Rosalie moved to Emmett, looking up at him with worried eyes. _He's safe. He wasn't in much danger, was he? No, no he couldn't have been. I would have killed her myself to stop him from being hurt. _Her eyes flashed to Bella and away. My nose flared, but I kept my mouth shut. No, it would do no good for me to react now…

We have to know what James might do to our family. "What will he do?" Carlisle's voice was oddly chilly. I was surprised for a moment, before I caught the brief allowance of concern. He wasn't just worried for Bella, but also for me.

"I'm sorry. I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off." _The young one seems to be oddly protective of the girl. I wonder what he's considering. He has two choices, and changing her into one of them would undoubtedly foil James' plans. _

I showed no outward reaction at his assumption that I was the youngest of our coven. Something in my manner seemed to have suggested to Laurent that I was the newest to this life. But it was more of a struggle for me to show no reaction to the repetitive idea that changing Bella into a vampire would save her.

It was true – it would save her from James. But it would condemn her to this hell that I "lived" in. That was an unacceptable price.

"Can you stop him?" _You're their leader. You should be able to keep control over your coven._ I bit my lip: should I say now that I knew of James' deception?

I decided against it. Revealing my ability to read minds to Laurent was probably a foolish move. We had to keep as many chess pieces on our side of the court as possible, and James' coven knew nothing of the talents that Alice, Jasper or I carried.

Laurent shook his head, feeling guilty. "Nothing stops James when he gets started." _That much is true. _

_Not this time. _"We'll stop him," Emmett declared boldly. _I'll kill him myself. He's not getting to Bella._

Laurent did not appear shocked by my brother's boldness. _The entire coven seems to care for the girl. Perhaps she already is a part of their family, and just not changed yet. _It took a lot of effort to keep from snarling at him. I wanted to, desperately. She would not become a part of our family like that. I would not let it happen.

Then Laurent spoke, giving us helpful hints of advice. "You can't bring him down." From his mind, I saw James stalking a faceless, featureless shape – a blend of more than one human. They were all prey. "I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years." _It's not only his utterly nondescript features, but also his ability to track down whatever he hunts._ "He's absolutely lethal." _And he's ruthless, and completely in his element when he stalks down prey. _"That's why I joined his coven." _I'm so sorry for not telling you before. _

My entire family understood immediately what he was saying. Rosalie cursed at him; Emmett cursed himself. Esme grimaced, the only one to betray a facial expression, and that was only for a brief moment. Carlisle's lips tightened fractionally, and his eyes darted to mine. I met his eyes, and flicked my eyes up, then down. I couldn't nod, or Laurent would notice. Carlisle interpreted my movement as confirmation immediately.

Laurent was distracted by something else he found more pressing, and of concern. He was shaking his head, thinking about the situation. _She's one human girl. And it's obvious that they aren't preparing to change her into one of them. If they were, they wouldn't be wasting time. They seem more ready for a fight to keep her alive, than a fight to buy time until she's one of them. But she's only a human, and if the young one is as attracted to her, as he seems, it's a waste to fight and keep her mortal._

He glanced from Bella to Carlisle, and asked, "Are you sure it's worth it?"

My roar filled the room.

How dare he assume anything like that! How dare he even suggest that Bella's life wasn't worth defending! How dare he think that changing her into a vampire was a better choice than defending her mortality, keeping her alive! He knew nothing!

Laurent cringed back as I snarled my displeasure. _I believe the young one will protect her with everything he has. _

Carlisle shot me a look, warning me to calm down. _Not everyone understands what love is until they've had it themselves, Edward. _He was assuming that Laurent did not have a mate, and therefore did not understand. He turned to Laurent. "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice." _I won't let you hurt anyone in my family, but I don't want to be forced to stop you. Please, make the right choice. _

The dark-haired vampire gazed around the room, and the faces of my family. _They are strong and determined. They have the bonds that any true, blood family would have – but maybe they are, essentially, a blood family. Their leader must have changed them – at least, some of them. They're all so devoted to one another that this entire coven is willing to risk its existence to protect the youngest ones' human mate. _

Then he spoke. "I'm intrigued by the life you've created here. But I won't get in the middle of this. I bear none of you any enmity, but I won't go up against James." _That would be my death, and – forgive me – for a mere human. No matter how much she matters to the youngest, I'm not a part of this coven. I barely know them. _"I think I will head north – to that clan in Denali."

Laurent hesitated, deliberating for a moment, and surprised me. _I don't feel right walking away from this. What advice can I give them, on how to deal with James? I know his strategies… _"Don't underestimate James. He's got a brilliant mind and unparalleled senses. He's every bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on…"

I knew, even as he was speaking, that he was telling the truth. I could hear that my family was uncertain of his sincerity, and so I quickly and – unbeknownst to Bella – whispered, "He's not lying." My eyes met Carlisle's. It was a bit of a risk, for me to chance revealing that I had some talent of my own, but Laurent deserved to know that we trusted him.

"I'm sorry for what's been unleashed here. Truly sorry," Laurent finished speaking, bowing his head. His eyes darted in our direction, to Bella and then, to me. _He's determined to protect her. But how did he know I was telling the truth? He must be talented. But how? _

"Go in peace," Carlisle answered for the group. _If Edward can see that he's being truthful, then he must be. _

Laurent took another look around the room, taking it in. he longed for it, in the same way he had longed for the ability to stay in one place that I'd overheard in the field. And then, he left. I didn't bother to watch him go. My mind was already racing on what we had to accomplish before getting Bella out of Forks, and to safety.

We could all hear Laurent as he began to run from the house, heading north. Carlisle waited until he was far enough away that he wouldn't overhear, before asking me, "How close?" _Where is James? And what about the female: is she with him? _

Esme moved to the keypad on the wall, and she raised the metal shields that covered the southern window-wall. I listened as well as I could, hearing James's faint voice. I didn't know him well, but he was a vampire. That allowed my ability to reach him, as far out as he was. "About three miles out past the river; he's circling around to meet up with the female."

_Good. We have some time. _"What's the plan?" he asked. _You know him, or his mind, better than any of us. And Alice seems to know something. You have a plan._

Indeed, I did. My father knew me well, and he also knew that I was the one to ask questions of in this situation. My Bella, my call: I had more of a say than he did, and he was the one who believed that. I wanted his advice, despite wanting to assert my ideas of keeping her safe. "We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south."

_Using her scent as a diversion, I assume? It would be the easiest. _I nodded once, sharply. "And then?" he asked. _We can't just lead him away forever. Sooner or later, he will realize that we don't have her. _

That was an easy solution. "As soon as Bella is clear, we hunt him." Turn the tables. Tear him to pieces instead of allowing him to drink her dry.

"I guess there's no other choice." _He seems uncommonly determined to kill her. There's something more here…_

I desperately wanted to tell him what James was, but Bella had already heard it once. She already knew it was serious, but seeing my entire family react like Emmett had would not comfort her. And there was another part of the plan we had to finish. I turned to Rosalie, my mind analytical: she was closest in size to Bella. "Get her upstairs and trade clothes," I demanded.

Perhaps I could have been more coercive, but we had little time and had to move fast. I thought Rosalie understood that, and would help me. I was stupid to think that she would put her prejudice and anger aside for anything. She glared at me, livid and in disbelief of my nerve.

_You dare ask me of that? _"Why should I? What is she to me? Except a menace – a danger you're chosen to inflict on all of us." _I will not see anyone in my family hurt for her sake! _

I would have been angry – except, of course, I had been expecting her reaction. I knew, even though I foolishly hoped for some sympathy from her. Bella was terrified, and Rosalie didn't help matters by snarling at me so furiously.

"Rose…" Emmett stretched out his hand, but she shook it off her shoulder. _Please. If not for Bella, then for Edward, at least: he can't live without the girl, can't she see that?_

I didn't bother saying another word to Rosalie. "Esme?"

"Of course." _Do not – do _not_ – take out any anger on Rosalie, Edward. Our concern is Bella. No more arguing. _

I hadn't planned on tearing into Rosalie at all, but even if I had, I would have stopped just for Esme's sake. She was in full-force stress mode, concerned about her family. All six of her children – yes, six, I reminded myself as I realize that my mother had already adopted Bella as one of her own.

Esme disappeared with Bella up the stairs, and I turned to speak to Carlisle. Several things happened at once.

Rosalie stepped forward, and I saw that she fully intended to have it out with me right then and there. Jasper streaked down the stairs that Esme and Bella had just disappeared up, one heavy bag in his hand and another, smaller bag over his shoulder. He stopped beside Emmett, who had pushed himself forward, one large shoulder blocking Rosalie from me.

And Carlisle stepped between us, his back to me. I heard his thoughts, and I felt my jaw slacken in surprise.

"Stop." Rosalie's eyes widened in disbelief as Carlisle confronted her.

_No more arguing within our ranks. _"You may not approve of a decision the rest of us have made, but that does not give you leave to be argumentative at every turn. You are not required to help us in our efforts." _In fact, I'd prefer you didn't if you aren't going to put your full heart into protecting Bella. _"You may leave at any time, or stay in the house while we leave and try to do something about James. But no more arguing. Not a word, Rosalie."

He turned to me, but I stopped him. "I wasn't going to Carlisle. There's more information you need to know."

His eyes widened, but he nodded, seeing how serious I was. _There's more?_ "Laurent has already revealed that he was not the leader of their coven."

"No, that was a maneuver that James set up. He decided it when he saw us all there in the field. He must have done this before, because Laurent wasn't surprised that he stepped back from leading the coven. They tricked us – or tried to."

_I see. _"Is that all?" Carlisle asked.

Emmett's jaw tightened: he already knew what else. I couldn't help the rage that swirled inside of me as I recalled a very important fact about James. "He's a tracker."

Carlisle closed his eyes. Jasper's eyes narrowed. Rosalie grew even more infuriated. _You brought that kind of danger upon us! A tracker! _

I ignored her. "It's his obsession. He prides himself on I: he's never lost any game. He's never allowed any prey to get away from him." I sneered as I said it – "games" and "prey" were all well and good in his head, but this was _my_ Bella he was thinking of. He would lose this time: I would make sure of it.

Carlisle nodded grimly, but Rosalie spoke before he could. "You –"

And, just as quickly, he turned on her. "Enough." It wasn't a shout, or an exclamation. It was a simple, calm command. I didn't need to hear his mind to know the disappointment that was flowing through him. He hated having to command one of his coven not to turn on another member. We were a family.

Rosalie glared at him. Emmett took the larger bag from Jasper's hand, slinging it over his shoulder. He knew that any words of comfort to Rosalie would be lost to her, right now. She was too angry, too frustrated with me, and Carlisle. My father turned away from Rosalie, darting to one of the end tables and coming back with three small, emergency cell phones. They were already programmed and the other numbers were installed. One of the phones went to Emmett, who slipped it into the large backpack that contained things for the three of us.

Esme and Alice appeared with Bella. My mother's ill-fitting clothes did nothing to diminish how beautiful she looked – nor how scared, and concerned. Her tears were dried, but the salt water had streaked down her cheeks too liberally not to leave behind a mark. Carlisle handed Esme one of the phones, before turning to Alice and handing over the other.

He moved away from Alice, heading over to stand near Rosalie – in case she argued. "Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Bella." _No more of this arguing. We have to be united, or James will see an opening. _Bella nodded, her eyes skimming Rosalie's face before she took her eyes off my sister and began watching everyone else. I could see her nervousness.

"Alice, Jasper – take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south." His eyes lingered on Jasper. _I think Phoenix will be fine. I doubt that there's anyone he has to fear there._

He looked at Emmett and I. "We're taking the Jeep." _Her scent is on it, and he knows that you took her in it already. He might think that she's coming with us, since Edward will be with us. And with Bella's scent on Esme, the female will probably go after the truck. But we have to know for sure. _"Alice, will they take the bait?"

Alice closed her eyes and stood completely still. I watched as she saw the Jeep heading out into the darkness at reckless speeds, and a blur following. Bella's red truck ambled along in another direction, the engine protesting against its treatment. A red streak in the forest signified the female's presence.

Satisfied with what she had seen, Alice opened her eyes. "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that." _They wouldn't stand around here while two cars were speeding off, both likely to have Bella. And with the two of them distracted, it follows logically that we can get Bella out. _

_Even with a chance of uncertainty, that's the best we've got. _"Let's go," Carlisle announced, heading toward the kitchen. We would leave through that exit, where James couldn't see us. It was close to the cars, so we could get in easily and leave as he realized that we were on the move.

But Bella's face filled my vision. All I could think was that she was alive right now, and I couldn't be with her to make certain that she would stay that way. How ridiculous, when I presented just as much danger to her life as James, that I thought my presence would keep her safe. And then, of course, there was the uncertainty of those few days when I wouldn't be with her.

And…and her mother. When she came back to Forks, when I had made her safe, she would be taken from me again. By a force that I could not fight against, by a love for someone she had known for far longer than me… She was human. She would move on, past me, when I wasn't a constant presence in her life. How could I expect her to love me from afar? To, ridiculously, wait for me?

It was ironic – I was the one who would be able to wait, forever. She was a human, and would move on to another love, another life. She had changed me completely, and she would leave me a different person: a broken-hearted monster. I could not hold her back from that destiny – a life, her own, without me.

So, this was no just goodbye for a few days. We could destroy James before he reached her, before there was a need for me to go meet up with her in Phoenix. This could all be over before I saw her again. And, no matter when I did see her again, it would only be a matter of time before she was back in Forks, safe.

And before she left again. This time, out of my life for good – but not dead. Wasn't that all I could ask for?

My body moved without my permission, but all I wanted a reign on was my bloodthirstiness. That was under control, as it never had been before. I caught her up in my arms, crushing her body to mine in my haste, but she was not hurt in my grip.

Her dark eyes, red-rimmed and beautiful, were wide in surprise. I ducked my head down, catching her lips in mine for only a moment. Just one short, desperate – despairing – kiss, and I had to leave. I knew it, although no one told me. My family was marveling more at the fact that I could kiss her, like that, and still back away seconds later.

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as I set her back on the floor. I'd pulled her up to me without realizing that I'd lifted her feet off the ground. She stared at me with wild eyes – afraid. Concerned. Bella.

I backed away, knowing that she would leave me soon enough. That she would break my heart without meaning to, and perhaps without truly wanting to leave. But she would have to leave, and she would want to go back to her home. Love for me could not change that. And Bella would move on, and be happy…

I turned away. There was nothing to say. And I doubted that she understood that I was saying goodbye – not for now, but for later. I'd resolved to destroy this danger, this James, and I would do it. I would do it before I came to her in Phoenix, if I could. Which meant I'd take her back up to Forks, and then say goodbye to her for good.

My feet carried me into the kitchen, leading my father and brother into the room. I could not show any emotion, not now. I had a mission, and I would get it done no matter what it took. Even to lose her after I'd made her safe again.

Carlisle said nothing, tried not to think about it, but he and Emmett had the same surprising thought that they could not hide. Neither of them wanted to see what would happen to me if we lost Bella. If we failed…Emmett shuddered away from the thought. Carlisle pictured my face, bleak and self-loathing. I recognized the expression as the one I'd worn when I had come back to him and Esme after I'd gone off on my own.

"Thank you." I surprised myself by the heartfelt seriousness of my comment.

Carlisle and Emmett took the lead of our group, allowing me to fall back behind them. They nodded to me as they passed. _What else would we do?_ Carlisle commented. _You love her. She's worth every bit of the fight to keep her alive. _

_I just like to fight; you know that,_ Emmett commented, easing up on the seriousness of the moment.

"All the same, thank you," I whispered, unable to meet their eyes. They were risking so much for me. They were risking the lives of our family to help me kill this monster, because they wanted me to be happy. They wanted me to be whole, as everyone else in our family was whole.

And in the end, the only result would be Bella, alive. I would still have to say goodbye to her.

I'd still lose her.

* * *

**A/N – And let there be emotional-angst-Edward…Yeah, I went there. ;) I'm really overloading on dramatic irony with this story. **

**To be continued…again…**

**Thanks for reading! **


	35. Chase

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I know how long it's been, and all I can say is sorry. And I'm really trying, guys – this is my junior year of high school and I'm dying over here. I've got one more announcement to make before I let you get to the chapter, so here goes.**

**I read "Midnight Sun" before I posted last chapter. Seven weeks ago. :) And I forgot to add that into my A/N for that one. But I will say that I absolutely LOVE her version and am feeling mighty self-conscious about mine. Guys, I know mine is a heck of a lot different from the real version. And I love the real way it was written. But I'm not going to change mine because of that – this is my version, and this is how I'd always seen Edward: analytical to the extreme, self-conscious and self-aware at the same time, and yes, a bit suicidal. I've thought out his character now. I'm going back and revising things in the earlier chapters, now that I've done a few character analysis things on Edward, and I know how I'm going to fix up other characters, too. But it all comes down to that I'm not going to change what I've written, just because the real version is a different way. **

**This is officially AU, by the way. :) No duh. And I'll leave it at that. Okay, guys? :) **

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter. It's one of my shortest, but considering it's taken me seven weeks to try and work out what I thought would happen during this particular scene, I hope that you like it. I promise, promise, promise that I will not quit at this story, no matter how long it takes me to post new updates. :D **

**Enjoy! **

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**Chapter Thirty-Six: Chase**

My mind was caught up in more pressing matters as I was leaving the house, but I remembered something vitally important just as we were leaving. Pausing just outside the door, I called softly over my shoulder. "Alice – she's human. She'll need food more often than us. Make sure all her needs are taken care of." I had forgotten to feed her twice already. I wouldn't subject her to that a third time, even if I weren't actually there.

_I know. I won't forget. You know that you can depend on me, Edward. _

"Don't leave her alone. Not for a second." If I couldn't be there to constantly watch over her, then someone had to.

_You know I won't. Be safe, Edward. All of you._

Carlisle's hand was gentle pressure on my shoulder as he tugged me forward. I was reluctant to leave Bella behind, even though I knew that I had to. She was right on the other side of that wall, so close that I could hear her heartbeat, still. And, knowing how little time we had left, my longing to stay with her was even more intense.

But we had a schedule to follow, and little time to accomplish all that we needed to. Carlisle, Emmett and I had to race north, leading James off track and in pursuit of our vehicle. This would give Rosalie and Esme time to lead the red-haired female on her own wild goose chase. And both of these false trails would ultimately allow Alice, Jasper and Bella the opportunity to leave Forks and head south.

I threw myself into the passenger seat as Emmett slid into the backseat. Carlisle was turning the key in the ignition before either of us had even closed our doors. The Jeep spun around, then took off through the trees along the dark, hidden pathway that led from our house to the highway.

The ride along the dark pavement was nearly silent. The only sounds came from the heads of the two men with me in the car, and the vehicle itself. I could not hear James – yet. He had to be close. I had heard him as he followed us from Bella's.

…_They're running with her. I'm sure that she's with the youngest male. _My face flashed in his mind for an instant – angry, snarling and terrible. _He would never leave her alone. _Oh, if only…I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want her to be halfway across the country. But I had to, and this was why: James was certain that she was with us. _I can smell that scent, both of them: they must be in the car. Victoria and I can follow them: we make sure that we don't lose them. We have to give them a head start, think that they've made it clear past us. _

I had to make my move now, or they'd begin to follow us and miss seeing Esme and Rosalie's "escape". My cell phone, already present and waiting in my hand, met my ear as it began to ring. Esme picked it up immediately. "He's following us. Head out so the female will follow you. Leave now."

Nothing else had to be said. I heard my mother saying, "Now," as the phone was lowered from hear ear – the sound of her voice was almost far away. She and Rosalie would leave the house now, and hopefully Victoria or James would see them. I waited, straining to catch the snippets of James' mind. I cared little for Victoria, who was simply a pawn in James' quest to gain his prize. There was nothing that her mind could hold that his would not.

Sure enough, as James was planning to set off and pursue us, the new development of my mother and sister's presences threw him off guard. _Is this one or the first one a decoy? I can smell the human's scent on both of them. Either way, she has to be with one of them. They wouldn't leave her alone in the house: that would be too easy. They're far too intent on guarding her. We'll have to split up. _Just as I was hoping…

And, to my sinister pleasure, James was choosing to follow us up north, betting on the second car being the decoy. _They have to know we're watching – this was a timed escape. Both cars left just at the right time to catch us in the middle. They planned it – especially since the second car is heading south. The human girl said she'd return to one of the southern states, but I doubt that this coven would dare venture into the territories of those covens. They must be taking her north. _

Victoria was sent off in pursuit of Esme and Rosalie, and the three of us in the Jeep heading north were dead silent as I listened. It was imperative that I hear everything that was happening behind us: we needed to be a few steps ahead of this James character.

I saw the path in his mind as he began to race, giving himself over to the chase. I knew that he was following the faint scent of Bella that still clung to the car. He would try to chase us down, until we left the Jeep and turned this game around on him.

Faintly, I heard Victoria turn tail and run in the opposite direction, and she quickly fell out of my range. I hit another button on the cell phone, and Alice answered as it rang once. "The female is following Esme and Rosalie. Get her out of there now, Alice." My sister hung up instead of answering me, but I knew that she would do it.

_And now we lead him away from them, _Carlisle thought to himself. _How long can we keep this up, I wonder? How long will we be able to keep him chasing us without suspicion? _

From behind us, I heard James' thoughts. _I can't hear a heartbeat. Is it just hidden under the sound of the machinery? But her heart should be audible: she must be terrified. Not if she's unconscious. If they knocked her out, her pulse wouldn't be pounding. Would the young one really take her against her will? Of course he would: he can't possibly control himself that well, well enough to allow her freedom. Our kind is not so generous to that which we covet. _

A tremor ran through my spine. I had the horrible sense that he was thinking the truth. Pushing that thought into the back of my mind, I answered Carlisle tersely, "He's already a little wary. I don't think he'll risk coming much closer, not for a little while longer. He's wondering why he can't hear her heartbeat, but rationalized it."

Emmett said what both Carlisle and I were thinking. "We can't keep him chasing after us forever. We have to have a plan." _What can we do after he catches up to us? Or should we just turn around now, and fight? When is the best time to act? _

Frowning, I refrained from answering and opted to glance out the window. I didn't know what to do next. I didn't know what the best move would be. James was an unknown: I wasn't certain what he would choose to do, what his response would be and how we would have to respond. It was definite that we couldn't lead him on an endless chase, but when should we stop it? Where did we have to act to keep the upper hand?

And all the while, behind me, suspicion was darting through the tracker's mind. Whatever his gift was, it didn't tell him exactly where Bella was: if it had, he never would have followed us because he would have known we didn't have her. It had to be a subtler gift, because something was telling him she wasn't with us, even though we had strived to let no clue slip.

As far as we knew, nothing had slipped. Her scent was on both of us. The machinery of the car would drown out the sound of her heartbeat, if she were unconscious, which he had already realized. A slow and steady throbbing rhythm would blend perfectly with the fine-tuned engine of this car; however unknowingly, Rosalie had perfected the metallic echo of a heartbeat into the vehicle. It was a perfect ruse. And yet, he was suspicious –

_But why haven't they tried something yet? _He was slowing his chase, puzzlement flickering across his mind. _Why would they simply keep driving away? They could be leading me away from her, and Victoria might be on the right – of course. _If my heart had been beating, it would have stopped as his feet grounded themselves behind us.

_They're leading both of us away from her._

A low oath escaped my lips. He'd stopped his pursuit. He'd realized that he had been tricked. We had already lost our advantage. Whatever had caused him to become aware of trickery had allowed him the upper hand. We had one move left, and with him slipping out of range, I had very little time and one chance.

I intended to take it.

"Stop it and follow me," I instructed at a low hiss, reaching over and opening my door. I jumped easily to the road, and the car whipped past me at over a hundred miles per hour.

My father and brother were taken aback, but I heard the soft thud of their feet hitting the ground moments later. And the car rumbled to a halt, hidden in the foliage on the side of the road. No one would find it – it had rolled too far into the woods to be seen easily from the road, and we were on a highway in the middle of nowhere, someplace north of Forks. They had understood what I had meant by "stop it" without needing clarification: all they knew was that something had gone wrong in our plans.

Alice and Jasper would barely be leaving the house now… My jaw clenched tightly as I threw myself into the trees, closing the distance between the tracker and myself. Behind me, Emmett and Carlisle followed with questions ringing in their minds. We were far enough away from the tracker that I could tell them as I ran. "He knows."

Emmett grunted. _He knows she's not with us?_

"Yes. He's going back to the house." I could see it in his mind, as a memory: a vision of white surrounded by forest, viewed from across the river.

_It's empty though, isn't it? _Carlisle asked, calculating in his head. _They must have left already…_

I couldn't hear them, but I couldn't hear James as well, either. "I don't know." I prayed that they had. Surely Alice wouldn't have allowed them to come too close to running into him. She must have seen that he would be coming back. She had to know now, too.

Emmett swore at the possibility that they hadn't gotten away yet. Carlisle gritted his teeth and sent up an actual prayer to God. I ran faster.

The tracker came back into range. "I hear him." Emmett and Carlisle didn't speak, knowing that he had to be closer for me to hear his mind. We weren't close enough for me to have that connection of familiarity with him, which would have expanded the range of my ability.

He reached the house before we did, and my feet slowed in relief. They had left.

_She's not here. _

He sounded so puzzled, as if he hadn't realized that there had been the possibility of her escape. And, seconds later, he got it. _Of course they wouldn't have left her here. There were seven of them. At least three were leading me out, and two or three led Victoria off. Even if it was three and three, that's still one unaccounted for. _

I frowned as Alice's face flashed in his mind. It was odd, that her face was so strikingly crystal-clear in his mind's eye. And there was something different about it –

_Victoria. If they led her off, they may be trying to trap her. They can't, but they'll try._ He had a lot of faith in her, and not very much in us. Did he see us as a small threat to him?_ Maybe I can use that to my advantage. At least one of them has to have some type of ability, too – a coven of seven, and not a talent among them? Not possible. _He was getting ready to circle the house, to find her scent…

A gruesome grin appeared on my face. Yes, we could use this to our advantage. "Carlisle, go north. Emmett, loop around that way" – I pointed south – "and we'll all push him away from her trail." My feet started to move even as I detailed the last outlines of the plan. "I'll come at him head on, push him out. Herd him."

Emmett let out a soft chuckle at that, and even Carlisle couldn't help a small smile. We'd be herding him, like a little lost sheep. This was more like a wolf in sheep's clothing, however, and I knew that they would both take it that seriously.

As I raced through the trees, rushing to head him off, I realized that I found a perverse sense of pleasure in being the one to start off the chase. It was a sense of poetic justice, in a way, that I was the one starting the chase on him. This was my revenge, for his foolish daring to try and take Bella as one of his next meals.

The sounds of my passage could not be ignored. He didn't know which of the coven was coming for him, but he was taking no chances. _I'll lead him off this way, out of the way. I knew that there would be fighting in order for me to take my prize, but I had the impression that this was a group of peaceful creatures. Their leader certainly is. _

He saw that from one meeting with my family? And on top of that, he had been rather distracted by Bella's presence with our coven. This was rather worrying. What else had he picked up on? Maybe his assumption that at least one of us had an ability had come from things he had noticed in the baseball field.

I grinned to myself as he continued to plan his escape, offering me every opportunity to act against him. Plucking my cell phone out of my pocket, I ordered Carlisle and Emmett to either side of him, running in the same direction, and kept pace with all three of them. I had a few more decisions to make.

The tracker had covered every possible escape angle. The ocean was off limits to us, and thankfully he had decided that it would do him no good to turn around and head for the beach. He had to make sure that Victoria would be able to find him, and going off into the ocean wouldn't allow that. He had several meeting points set up with her, including some cave up in the mountains that I caught several glimpses of.

The two of them had left a few meager belongings up there, props for interaction with humanity along with a scant couple of personal belongings. The three of them – the other coven – had dropped their rucksacks there before meeting us in the meadow. Laurent had already retrieved his, by now, and James wasn't planning on leading us to that place.

But he had created plans to trap us, no matter what escape route he took. Anywhere we herded him, we would have to foil his plans – and probably kill him there. And we had one more advantage, besides my ability. Right now, he believed that only one of us was chasing him.

_I was sure that there were only two people leading Victoria off. That leaves two unaccounted for, which fits. One of them must have taken the human and run, and the last must have stayed near the house, on the opposite side from where I approached. They might even had left with the human and other one, and doubled back around so that there would only be three trails leading from the house. Either way, we would only be able to chase two of the three trails, and of course, we went after the first two. They must have taken her away after sending out two groups. _

We had that advantage over him.

And I had a plan. We would lead him to the mountain pass, the one that he found the least favorable. He would go there, if we played our cards right and made him think it was still only one vampire pursuing him, but I needed Carlisle and Emmett on either side as backup. Just in case he didn't go where I wanted to chase him.

I ran slower than I had the ability to. I had to make him go the right way, and I had to make him think that it was only one vampire in pursuit. And, finally, I couldn't show him my true speed. I had to stay far enough away from him that it seemed like I couldn't catch up, but I had to angle my approach so that I could herd him in the right direction. My speed and my ability were my secret weapons, which I could use effectively against him if utilized properly.

Ahead of me, he was trying to head just past the mountains, to hit the edge of the forest instead of leading the way up the slopes. But I was achieving my goal, increasing my pace just enough so that he sensed I was gaining. I would shorten the distance between us more if he took the time to swing his path around, and he knew he couldn't afford that time.

He headed for the mountain. I sent another message to Emmett and Carlisle, telling them to hang back until they could cut off his path effectively. I'd continue to chase him. Emmett sent something back.

Cliff. Attack.

If we caught him on the ledge, with one of us below on the ground, he would be trapped. If he jumped away from the ledge, we could follow. And whoever was on the ground could run to where he'd land while he was still in the air. Even if he jumped and caught himself, scuttling sideways across the face of the mountain, all three of us could follow him easily – on the ground, onto the side ourselves, or even just on the ledge. There was no miraculous escape from a cliff ledge on the mountain, way up near the top.

He'd have no choice but to fight.

Perfect. We'd kill him here.

I sent back a message, telling Emmett that he'd meet me up the mountain and Carlisle would stay on the ground. The chances of my father having to fight if he was stationed there were slim, and I knew how he hated the thought of having to kill someone. Even if it were as justified a time as this one.

The tracker led the way up the mountain. I followed, of course, and I knew that Emmett would be taking a roundabout way to cut him off from the other end. I could hear in James' mind which route he was planning on taking, and I sent the message to Emmett and Carlisle. They were taking their positions – I could hear them, too – and James was doing exactly as expected…

The wind shifted. It barely registered for a moment, since I was running after James. But I caught it, in his head – my scent was blown straight towards him.

_It's the youngest one. He was with the other two, in the first car. So she wasn't with them, after all – and now he's chasing me? No, there must be more of them – all three of them, more likely than not. They want me going this way. _Several scenarios for how we could trap him played out in rapid-fire procession.

His plans changed. His current path must be unsafe – he'd go another way. Swerving sharply to the right, he darted off in the other direction. I had no time to pull out my phone and text a warning – I'd simply have to follow him, cut him off so he couldn't escape.

Now I poured on the speed, swiftly passing around him in a wide arc so that he couldn't hear me running. I could still hear his mind, even though the sound of his passage through the woods was too hard to hear. I looped around the mountain, coming up from the direction he was heading. He wasn't going to get to run – I would be blocking him.

I spared the time to text Emmett, telling him to regroup with Carlisle and come in, to follow James instead of being the one to cut him off. He was almost there – I knew exactly where he was, I'd been up here several times before, hunting close to home. There was the den, where I'd made a kill, where the mountain lion had "fallen" to its death, and here – here, he would run into me.

I stopped, sparing a second to flick the off switch. If the phone vibrated now, it would give me away. The den – empty for at least two years if I remembered correctly – was my hiding spot. I paused just inside the entrance, crouched to spring, and closed my eyes. I stopped breathing, didn't move, and concentrated.

_They must be on the other side of the mountain. I was heading there before. I must have evaded them. They were trying to make me go that way – but I remember my plan, to trap what I thought was one following me. They're obviously smarter than I thought, and probably would have used the same trick themselves._

He was close. I opened my eyes, expecting to see his shadow – but there was nothing there. I could hear him, however, and cautiously leaned out of the cave. Of course – he was on the level below me, close enough to hear perfectly clear. A minor miscalculation on my part, but it was easily fixable.

I could see him below me, running, and I didn't hesitate. I leapt.

My feet struck the ground right in front of him, and like he'd been expecting it, he was suddenly running in the opposite direction. Only his thoughts betrayed him. _How did I not avoid them? Were they too close, did they notice my change of direction? They should have followed that way, though – obviously they're trying to head me off. I have no choice – I'll have to attack._

He was quick on his feet. No sooner had he thought that had he turned and flown at me, teeth bared and hands outstretched. Only the split-second warning had allowed me to prevent damage to myself. I dodged his "surprise" attack with lightning-fast reflexes. My lips curled into a snarl as I saw his face – I couldn't help the rage that swelled up inside of me.

He was on me again, instantly, fighting. He knew that his life was on the line. He knew that I'd kill him if I could, and that was why he had to kill me, first. I blocked two swipes at myself and ducked as he tried to bite me, kicking him off and sending him tumbling down the mountainside.

I heard a voice holler my name, caught a glimpse of Emmett racing near the ground. James had caught himself on the side of the mountain, and his eyes flew back up to mine.

_So, the youngest is Edward? Bella and Edward. How cute. Too bad Edward's little human will die._

How dare he even think her name! I glared, hurtling down the hill to where he crouched, gripping the side of the mountain. I'd rip his head off! He was not going to get anywhere near her, to carry out his threat!

With a smirk and a snarl, he was up and running again, heading off back towards Forks. Emmett and I were unprepared for him to run towards us, instead of away, and we had to reverse directions to pursue him. It gave him a few seconds' head start, which was too many.

Instead of running, he simply threw himself off the mountain and hit the ground far below with an echoing crack, on his back. He was up on his feet again, within seconds, and disappeared into the woods.

Carlisle appeared as Emmett and I met up again. His gaze was severe. "Don't go after him alone," he reprimanded me softly, in case James was near enough to hear. _We have to work together. Chasing after him like that was foolish, Edward. He could have won. _He pointedly looked at the small tear in my shirt, which hadn't been there before I fought James. _He could have hurt you. _

I knew that the tracker couldn't hear us. "I had to act quickly. We had to cut him off before he got past us." We were already running, but disbelief was making my legs pump faster. "Would you prefer that we took the risk of letting him get away?"

"We can be smarter than him," my father maintained. "We have to work together." _Don't get yourself hurt over foolish and rash actions. _And he said I was stubborn.

Emmett clapped a hand on my shoulder, careful not to put too much strength into the gesture. "We all want him dead. We won't let him get away." _I'm still following your lead. But he's right, don't face off against him alone. That's just dumb. Only Jasper can do that._

I didn't answer. It didn't matter what I did or didn't say. I knew that they probably had a point, but I still didn't see how I could have just let him go and stick with my brother and father in the hopes that together, we could take him down.

I could hear James ahead of us, could hear him trying to figure out how I'd known which direction he'd been going. Something was telling him that I was more than I appeared, and it bothered him. He wasn't sure what to do next.

"He's unsure," I told Emmett and Carlisle. "He can't figure out how I managed to cut him off when he thought he'd left me behind. And when Emmett came running from the other direction, he thought that only I knew where he was."

Emmett grunted. "He's right about that part."_ But what else might he guess, or figure out? _

"I don't know. I have to get closer to him."

_We have to stick together. _I shot a glare at Carlisle, frustrated. "We can't split up," he said out loud. "We can't depend on technology to carry our messages through. We're lucky that we have a signal up in those mountains: otherwise, neither of our plans would have been possible." _Cooperation and outthinking him is the key to this, Edward. Watch yourself: you're being too rash. Acting without seriously thinking could do more harm than good. _

I was about to talk back to him before I checked myself. Hadn't I always trusted my father's opinion? Hadn't I always gone to him for advice? He was giving it to me now, and all I could do was throw angry glances back at him and ignore his words of wisdom. I held my tongue and stayed silent for a moment, before I spoke. "I'm sorry. I'm a little…"

"Tense? On edge?" Emmett volunteered. _We noticed._

Carlisle was forgiving. "It's fine, Edward." _You're worried, and anxious about making her safety secure. But we don't want her to suffer, either. We don't want him to get to her any more than you do. _

"I know."

* * *

Keeping James from reaching Forks again was our goal, but he changed his mind while on the run. He made it past the cave where he and Victoria had stashed a few objects for the use of blending in with humans in the rare instances that they needed to pass through human-occupied areas in pursuit of prey. He retrieved his bag and headed off north, again.

We looped around, leaving messages for Esme and Rosalie, telling them to stay in the area. I heard him tell Victoria to stay in Forks, through his mind, before he was moving faster than we had reason to think he could. It turned out that he was almost faster than I was.

It came down to a choice between possibly losing him, and letting me chase after him on my own – I won that time around. He wasn't going too fast, but I needed to stay within range of his thoughts. Emmett and Carlisle had to let me go, so that we'd have a hope of keeping up with him.

But unfortunately, it soon became clear that he was very suspicious of that one encounter. I was beginning to think that his talent had more to do with noticing things about people that tipped him off to their possible future actions, and that he'd picked up that I had a trait during one of our encounters. Either in the meadow or on the mountain, he picked up some hint that I knew where he'd be if I was close enough to hear him.

If my theory was right, it was also a very subtle gift. He didn't know that he knew, he just knew. And he trusted his instincts, along with planning ahead. From the few glimpses of his mind that I managed to wrangle out of his head, I could tell that he was a planner. And he was also very cunning.

I could tell that he had spoken to Victoria once or twice. I wasn't sure when he had, but I banked on him having a cell phone as well. Human technology – a blessing and curse – was providing them with the means to communicate with each other just as it allowed me to speak with my father and Emmett when they were a few miles behind us.

He led the way across the state, and I followed. The sun rose and I was still running, not feeling the least bit tired. I could have run for forever, if I wanted to. But I didn't, because I wanted this to be over. I wanted to be with Bella.

He'd slow sometimes, swing further south until I thought that he was heading down to Arizona at last, but then he would swing back up again. I began to leave more room between us, as I suspected he could sense me – but he never turned around to attack his pursuer again. And he kept pulling away – he was fast. And I had to think about every yard between us, wonder if it was too close or not close enough. He wasn't going anywhere specific, but simply running in looping circles, never really going anywhere but winding too large a trail for us to trap him again. Trying to lose us, his tail – but we weren't giving up. He'd figure that out soon, and then he would have a goal and destination in mind.

I talked with Emmett and Carlisle regularly, to keep them up-to-date. Esme was calling Carlisle, and from him I learned what Victoria was up to. Just poking around in the town, and not going anywhere near Charlie himself – Victoria seemed to be on standby, waiting for James.

One day passed. Two.

James stopped running. I slowed down when I realized it, not wanting to walk into a trap. Emmett and Carlisle caught up to me as I proceeded at a slower pace, and I told them what had happened. We entered an area of human civilization, and finally I realized where the tracker was: the airport.

"He's taking a plane," I said aloud, as soon as I pieced it together.

"Where will he go?" _Forks,_ Carlisle answered himself almost immediately. _Victoria seemed to be hanging around there, waiting. He'll go to meet her._ He repeated himself out loud.

He and Emmett began to debate whether we should take a plane and follow him, or if we should enter the airport and see where he was going. I listened as intently as I could, and picked up snatches of what was happening around him. James wasn't planning right now, but he wasn't oblivious to his surroundings. In fact, he was rather thirsty – I heard him making plans to hunt something quickly before he continued on to his main goal. The passengers in the plane were distracting him, even though he was surrounded by luggage –

Passengers. Luggage He was already on a plane. And…my head tilted up as I listened to the sound of his voice rushing away into the distance – first up, then horizontally in distance. Finally, his voice was gone from my head.

My hands were clenched in fists and it took me several minutes to grit out, "He's already gone. The plane just took off." We were so close! He'd been right there, and because I had slowed – because I hadn't kept right on his tail – we'd lost him. He was gone, off on a plane.

"Our best bet is Forks," Carlisle decided with determination. "Victoria was waiting there." _We should go back to Forks. _

He called Esme to let her know what our plans were, and then began dialing Alice. "They must be worried by now." _It's been two days with no word from any of us. _

Alice answered the phone. "Carlisle." Her voice sounded slightly strained, weak.

_It didn't even ring. Did something happen? _"Is everything…all right?"

"Yes." She didn't elaborate. Carlisle was forced to disclose an explanation of what was happening here.

Alice's response was expected – we'd known that something had happened. "I just saw him," she said, and described for us a vision of a light and a dark room, ending with, "Whatever made him get on that plane…it was leading him to those rooms."

Carlisle deliberated for a moment, before telling her, "Just stay where you are. We're heading back to Forks now: we think that's James' goal, since Victoria has been hanging around there." It sounded like he was going to hang up, but I reached my hand out for the phone before he could. An idea had just hit me, and I wanted to act upon it. Needed to, really.

He blinked for a moment before smiling and asking, "Alice, is Bella there?"_ I'm sure you miss her. I miss Esme. _And even though Emmett didn't hear Carlisle's comment, I caught the same gist of thoughts from him.

Alice's voice echoed a, "Yes" to my ear as I took the phone in my hand. Then, faintly – like the phone was away from her mouth, I heard, "Bella?"

There was a pause. I turned my back to my father and brother, tilting my head back to look at the wide, bright sky. We were hidden in the trees again, near the airport – Vancouver International, the signs told me – and the shadows sheltered my face from the sun's late-afternoon rays.

The pause was shorter than I thought it would be. Perhaps Bella had run to the phone, eager to speak with me. "Hello?" Sweet angel's music in my ear…

"Bella." It was all I could say.

"Oh, Edward! I was so worried." It was the last thing I wanted her to say, that she'd been concerned for me.

I sighed, frustrated with her insistence upon thinking I was in danger – me, when she could be broken with the flick of my wrist. "Bella, I told you not to worry about anything but yourself."

She didn't seem to pay attention to exactly what I was saying, but I didn't blame her for that. I was hardly listening to anything but the sound of her voice, myself. The world around me, in my immediate location, had ceased to exist as she asked, "Where are you?"

"We're outside of Vancouver." I felt the insanely strong urge to apologize to her, for everything. I settled for, "Bella, I'm sorry – we lost him. He seems suspicious of us – he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can't hear what he's thinking. But he's gone now – it looks like he got on a plane. We think he's heading back to Forks to start over."

"I know. Alice saw that he got away." There was strain in her voice. She was worried.

I didn't like hearing her afraid. It made me feel horribly guilty: I could save her from myself, so why not from everything else? "You don't have to worry, through. He won't find anything to lead him to you. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again."

"I'll be fine," she said dismissively. "Is Esme with Charlie?" Always thinking about others… That was my Bella. I was missing her more than I thought, if I was nitpicking out everything about her that frustrated and interested me at the same time…

"Yes – the female has been in town. She went to the house, but while Charlie was at work. She hasn't gone near him, so don't be afraid. He's safe with Esme and Rosalie watching." I made sure to alleviate her fears as best I could.

"What is she doing?"

"Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all through the town during the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roads around town, the school…she's digging, Bella, but there's nothing to find." What could there possibly be to find?

She wasn't letting it go, of course. "And you're sure Charlie's safe?"

"Yes, Esme won't let him out of her sight." She was even following him surreptitiously to work, but I thought that Bella would blow that out of proportion: if Charlie needed a bodyguard, then he was in more danger than I let on. "And we'll be there soon," I reminded her. "If the tracker gets anywhere near Forks, we'll have him."

Her voice was quieter now. "I miss you."

My heart was thrilled, however perversely, to hear those words from her. To know that she felt the same way I did… "I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my self away with you."

"Come and get it, then." A grin tickled my lips at her coy challenge, and I ducked my head down as if embarrassed. I was a little bit embarrassed, actually.

"Soon, as soon as I possibly can," I reassured her. The smile wouldn't fade. How odd that I could be so happy when so much stress and tension was lacing my shoulders tightly together. "I _will_ make you safe first," I promised her, my voice hardening at my declaration. A glare darkened my expression.

"I love you."

My smile fell more naturally again, my face clear. Oh, to hear those words from her again… "Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?"

Behind me, Emmett snorted. _Mushy, mushy, mushy, mushy…_ A mantra, never-ending and excruciatingly irritating…I wanted to smack him upside the head.

Bella calmed me without realizing it. "Yes, I can, actually."

"I'll come for you soon," I told her. I couldn't bear to be away from her for very much longer, no matter what the situation was like.

"I'll be waiting."

Slowly, I closed the phone and weighed it in my hand for a long moment. The urge to go straight to Bella's side was intense, but I knew that I had to stick to the plan. I had to end James' life before I could bring Bella to safety. There was no other choice.

Carlisle's hand on my shoulder was gentle, but firm. "Come. We have to get back to Forks." _We should be there when he shows up. It's only a few hours by car: we'll be there soon. He must have been desperate to lose us if he thought that taking a plane would throw us off his trail. _

His logic spoke to me, and I turned around to face them. Emmett was grinning, ready to tease, but he held off as he sensed that it was still too close to heart to start in on me. Carlisle also refrained from commenting on the phone call with Bella. Their silence was more comforting to my anxiety than words.

With them at my sides, I felt that we really would win, take down James, and make Bella safe again.

I had to believe it, if I wanted to go on.

* * *

**A/N – To be continued…**

**(Which it will be, no matter how long it takes me to get there – I promise, guys. :D)**


	36. Phone Call

**1/4/09--I updated this with a little blurb about Edward's contingency plans that I'd forgotten to put in here. No biggie. :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – I'm sure you all love me right now for this insanely fast update. I posted the last chapter, and then I simply couldn't stop writing. I just kept on going. :) **

**I used Google Maps to figure out how long it would take Edward, Carlisle and Emmett to get back to Forks, and the route it gave me involved the ferries, so I just used those. I did actual research instead of bluffing! :) You should be proud of me. ;) LOL. Just kidding.**

**Enjoy the chapter! :) **

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Phone Call**

Our run back to Forks was shorter than anticipated. James had led us all over the northwestern part of the United States for two days, and it was hard to believe that Forks was actually only a few hours from Vancouver. James had led us on the land route, which would have taken more time if we headed back the same way – not two days, considering the tracker doubled back and ran in circles, instead of straight to Vancouver, but it would have been too long, anyway.

We decided to use the most direct route back to Forks by taking the Tsawwassen-Swartz Bay ferry to North Saanich, and then the Port-Angeles-Victoria ferry into Port Angeles. The ferry rides took about two hours, and we simply ran across Vancouver Island to reach the second ferry. Even with our speed, we couldn't alter time itself.

The first ferry took one hour to leave the port, and the second took two hours to leave due to a technical problem. I was so anxious that I wanted to swim across the water myself, but Carlisle cautioned against it. We would reach Forks soon enough, there was no need to dirty my clothes, we had time…

Altogether, it took us approximately seven hours to reach Forks. Even Carlisle was grumpy by the time we reached Port Angeles – although that might have had to do with my surliness. Emmett was the only one of our trio who seemed to be in high spirits, and that was only because he would be seeing his wife shortly.

My father's mood began to improve as we left Port Angeles, but I was quickly growing more anxious and tense. After all, my Bella wasn't waiting for us at home. She was in Phoenix, waiting for me to come after her. I was even considering leaving Victoria to my family and taking Bella away to someplace safer than Forks, the way we had agreed upon.

Carlisle motioned for us to slow as we entered the town perimeter: we had no idea where the redheaded Victoria would be. I listened for her, but I didn't hear her mind close up as we raced home.

I did begin to pick up snatches of her thoughts as we neared the house, however, and we decided to skirt around her. I, for one, would have liked nothing better than to deal with James' accomplice, and Emmett agreed – but Carlisle was adamant that we reach Esme and Rosalie first before turning around and attacking.

Esme greeted us warmly, but Rosalie glared at me as she slipped her arms around her husband in a tight hug. She had been worried. I knew the feeling, just as surely as I knew that any sympathy from me would make her furious. I hung back with my father and mother.

"James is crafty. I had difficulty keeping up with his plans," I told them. Now that we were in the privacy of our home, I felt that we were safe enough to divulge such information without concern for who would overhear. I knew for a fact that Victoria wasn't close enough to hear us.

"Victoria seems to be just as intelligent," Esme said. _She's hard to keep track of. I'm sure that she's managed to come right up to the bank of the river, on the other side._ "She hasn't managed to come up to the house itself, but I'm almost positive that she's come up to the bank of the river, from the forest." _I think that she's staying in the forest by herself._

_Is she alone? _"Do you think…anyone else is with her?" Carlisle asked, frowning._ Laurent is the only one I can think of, but we don't know who else they may know._

"I can't hear him. And he wouldn't be with her – he went to Denali, I'm sure of it." I frowned. "I want to know what she's doing here. Why she hasn't gone to meet James, wherever he went – Esme, has she been doing anything here in Forks?"

"As far as I know, just the same things that we've already told you. She went to Charlie's, but not when he was home. She went to the school last night, but Rosalie and I stayed outside. And she hasn't touched a single person, or even approached anyone." _I'm not sure what she could be looking for. _

"It doesn't seem like there would be anything of importance for her to find, no matter what she looked for," I replied. My eyes fell on the piano, and my feet moved in that direction. "I can't think of a reason."

My fingers caressed the keys of the instrument, softly playing a chord of the lullaby I'd created for Bella. I wished that I could play it for her again…

_You're going to be leaving soon, aren't you? _My eyes flickered up to my mother. My family has shifted along with me, not too close but enough so that their presence was solid. It didn't bother me as much as it would have before. _You're going to take her somewhere else._

I nodded and my words fell loudly in the room. "Yes."

"Did you hear something from him?" Esme asked, worry creasing her forehead. _There's a reason you think she's not safe there. _

I shrugged one shoulder. "No, actually. But sooner or later, he'll wonder if she really is in Phoenix, the way she said she'd be, back at her house…" I sighed. "She can't stay there forever. It will be an option soon enough. I should get her out of there sooner, rather than later."

_We'll book you a flight. _Carlisle motioned with his hand, turning to lead the way. I followed his silent summons. "You have access to the accounts already, so you and Bella will be perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves." _We have our methods of communication._

"Just flight plans, then?"

_Yes, I believe so. _"You'll be fine on your own. Emmett and I will continue the hunt." _I believe we can track him, even without the advantage of your gift. _

"I wish that you could still have it," I frowned, concerned. I hated depriving my family of my ability when they might need it the most. But I knew that my father wasn't blaming me for this. I could hear it in his thoughts.

_We can manage, Edward. _"It's not a necessity."

We were halfway up the stairs, planning, when Carlisle's phone rang. He paused, confused. _Alice? _Why was she calling? "Alice?" he answered.

"_Carlisle, the vision of the dark room cleared. I saw it." _

I had started walking again, but I paused now. There was something in her voice… Carlisle heard it, too._ She sounds scared. _That was it – fear. Why was Alice afraid? He raised an eyebrow. "That's good –"

"_No! It's Bella's mother's house!" _

I was frozen, completely unable to move. My heart felt squeezed again. The voice emitting from the speaker was loud enough for everyone to hear. Emmett growled, his arms flexing: Esme gasped, pressing her hands to her mouth. Rosalie remained stoic, silent.

Carlisle closed his eyes. "When, Alice?"

"_He's either there now, or he will be soon."_

An image of the plane flashed in my mind's eye, from my own memories. "The plane," I murmured through stiff lips. "He wasn't coming back here, he was going to Phoenix." If only I had been able to hear that through his mind! But the tracker was thirsty, and it had distracted his thoughts. We had assumed that he came back here, because of Victoria, but…no. He'd come to the conclusion that I knew he would reach eventually, but it was sooner than I had been prepared for.

My father was racing through ideas, and plucked the best one out of a chaotic mess of thoughts. "Alice, you and Jasper stay with her every second. Stay in the hotel room for a little bit longer. The three of us will come down on the soonest available plane – meet us there. Edward will take her away." _Emmett and I will find James – Alice could probably help us locate him, and Jasper could help us – take care of him._

I unfroze, and didn't bother to wait. My feet took me at lightning speed up the stairs, to the computer room. The door was already open, and my fingers flicked across the power switch of the CPU. I vibrated, unable to sit, as I waited for the computer to boot up. Instead, I paced. We had very little time: James' flight would land in Phoenix before we boarded ours, if we were unlucky.

A sharp beep from the speakers alerted me to the computer's readiness for use. I sat down, anxious and eager for the machine to work faster than it could. My fingers moved rapidly over the keys, and soon enough I had three plane tickets for the next flight out of Seattle. We'd reach Phoenix in the afternoon.

I was printing out the receipt and confirmation numbers when Emmett appeared in the doorway. The joking carelessness that was usually a vital component of his demeanor was missing: he was all business right now. "I've got luggage," he told me. _We have to blend in. Tickets?_ "Tickets?" I held up the papers I'd printed out. _We're almost ready to go, then._

"I suppose." I was more than ready, but it wasn't really necessary to argue that point with him. I was on edge, and I knew that I'd be slightly snappish the entire way down to Phoenix.

My brother surprised me, however. _I'd be just as stressed if Rosalie were human and locked in the same room with Royce King, and I wasn't there to protect her. Expect James is a vampire, and they're just in the same city again – but you not being there to protect her, that still applies. You'd tear him to shreds – except I think I'll be taking care of that. But you get to hang out with Bella for a really long time! That counts for something! _

"Thanks, Emmett," I said dryly. But he knew that I was actually grateful, not just mocking his slightly lame attempt to make me feel better. He grinned slightly.

And then ruined his try and being nice. _Of course, with the two of you alone for a while, I wonder what you'll get up to. _"Think you'll be staying in any hotel rooms?" The image that accompanied that sentence was definitely _not_ of a "hotel room" – at least, I hoped not. Mirrored ceilings weren't real, were they? Of course, this was Emmett's mind: he would know.

"Emmett…"

"Sorry!" _Jeez! Try to cheer someone up, and this is what you're repaid with!_

* * *

I was glad that Emmett didn't attempt to cheer me up on the flight, or the plane would have crashed when I attacked him. And, truth be told, it was extremely difficult not to think about Bella the entire time we were on the plane.

I couldn't take my mind off of her, or the fact that soon enough we would be on a plane heading somewhere else. Esme and Rosalie had stayed behind in Forks to watch Victoria, so Bella couldn't be taken back there. Before we left, Carlisle told me that the plan had changed while he spoke with Alice and I'd run upstairs to get our plane tickets. Emmett's aimless teasing was just that: aimless teasing.

The plan was for Carlisle, Emmett and I to take Bella and leave Phoenix. Alice and Jasper would go back to Forks, to be with Esme and Rosalie. James would probably go someplace else to meet up with Victoria, or even just go back to Forks. Either way, he wouldn't find Bella in Phoenix. And if we were lucky and he didn't find the specific hotel Jasper, Alice and Bella stayed in, he would think that she had never been in Phoenix at all.

I didn't argue with this plan. Truth be told, a part of me had hoped that we could change the plan like this. I wanted to protect her from everything, and that included myself. I was just as dangerous to her as James. I might have been able to control myself in the meadow, but that didn't mean I would always be able to stop myself from hurting her. I had to take any precaution that I could.

Our flight went smoothly: it would have been perfect if Bella were with us, and this was our departure flight from Phoenix. But it came in a close second, considering that this was the flight that was taking me back to Bella's side. In a few hours, we would be together again. The thought made me positively giddy at first.

Then, as the hours waned and we were still in the air, I began to grow more anxious. My hands held the armrests in a grip that might leave indents in the plastic, and I knew that I was more still than I should have been. Vampires didn't have the primal need for movement that humans did; unlike them, we could sit or stand completely still without feeling the urge to move.

It usually wasn't a problem. We had learned to make sure to move when in the presence of humans. A simple shifting of weight from one foot to the other, a hand run through the hair, or just a tilt of the head were enough to keep from setting off some kind of inner alarm in their heads.

Carlisle had to keep reminding me to make a movement of some sort. I even forgot to blink because I was so caught up in my concerns over our coming plans. I was worried about Bella, I was worried about capturing James, I was worried about my family…the list was really quite endless.

_Don't worry so much, Edward. Everything's going to turn out fine. What could go wrong?_ "What could go wrong?" Emmett whispered to me, trying to help me calm down. One of his hands gripped my forearm, trying to pry my fingers from their death grip on the armrest.

I shook him off with a single glare. "Don't say that," I hissed. "Knowing my luck, now something's going to go wrong."

_Your luck? _That threw him. "Your luck?"

"Very funny. You know what I mean." With Bella, lately everything was turned upside-down. "Bella's a danger magnet. James could be on the other side of the country and she'd still find a way to make herself an irresistible target."

Carlisle sighed. _She'll be fine, Edward. We're almost there. _"Regardless, you need to relax now." _If the plane crashes and it's your fault, then we definitely won't be in Phoenix on time to pick up Bella._

"I won't make the plane crash." Why would I want to? My goal was to reach Phoenix. Crashing the plane would be detrimental to that goal.

_Then relax your grip on the armrests. _"Don't let him get a hold on anything else, Emmett," he added once I finally removed my hands from their unsteady grip.

Scowling, I folded my arms across my chest, gripping the sides of my arms in lieu of having anything else to hold on to that could withstand the strength of my inhuman muscles. Emmett made a point to smooth out the indents left in the armrest. _You really need to chill, Edward. _

I rolled my eyes. "Can I help it? He's there already." And Bella was protected enough– I could grant Alice and Jasper that much credit – but I still wanted to be there, myself. Once I was there, I could be sure that she was as safe as possible. Even if I was there with her, which was actually not as safe as I kept making it out to be…

"That might be true. But that doesn't mean you have to work yourself into a state of panic." _Arguing with him in this state is pointless. Maybe Emmett and I should redirect our goal – instead of stopping him from panicking, perhaps talking out his fears would work better. _

We had been talking at a volume too soft for human ears, but my voice rose a little bit too loudly as I replied to Carlisle. "You're not a psychologist, just a doctor."

The man across the isle from Emmett and I glanced at us, raising an eyebrow. _The big, burly one is a doctor? Whoa, I would be so terrified the first time I went to see him…_ I ignored the man.

Carlisle, in the seat directly in front of Emmett and I, stifled a sigh. "I know that, Edward." _Honestly, when you're in one of these moods, the safest thing to do is leave you alone. It's like having a permanent teenage in the house. _

In my less than stable mood, I was able to find the humor in that comment and smiled. With apology in my tone, I whispered, "I _am_ permanently a teenager, Carlisle. It comes with the territory."

Emmett snorted. My father sighed. _That was a rather shortsighted comment, wasn't it?_

"Yes, I believe so."

_My apologies. I'll try to remember that my seventeen-year-old son will always be my seventeen-year-old son._

"No, you shouldn't be apologizing," I murmured, guilt swimming in my voice. "I should. I'm being a nightmare, aren't I?'

Carlisle shook his head. "No." _You're worried about her, and under a lot of stress as you try to make sure she's safe. It's understandable. _

Simultaneously, Emmett snorted. "Yes." _But you're just stressed and worried. We'll get over it. _

To both of them, I said, "Stress and worry are not excuses for my behavior. I'm sorry."

"Argh," Emmett muttered. _Get over it, Edward. We're not going to be mortally offended if you don't apologize for being a tiny bit tense for the past three days. You are entitled to it._

"I think we can pass on the apology," Carlisle said, agreeing with Emmett. _Don't worry about our "hurt feelings" on top of everything else, Edward. _

I pursed my lips, but listened to them and stopped trying to apologize. But that was mostly because our plane was finally descending into the Phoenix airport, and I was growing more and more anxious to be on solid ground again. And to have my arms around Bella…

When the plane finally landed, I was no longer gripping the armrests in an effort to release some of the tension that laced my entire body. Now I was free of any hold on the plane, because I was so eager to be off of it.

"Cool it, Eddie," Emmett laughed as I leapt to my feet as soon as the flight attendants had announced we were free to leave the plane. _We'll see your sweet darling girlfriend soon enough. _

"Don't call me Eddie," I replied absently as I waited impatiently for Carlisle to stand and join us. First class wasn't as crowded as the commercial class undoubtedly was, so there was plenty of room for us to move around in the aisle. The other passengers weren't in as much of a rush as we were. Carlisle smiled at me, gesturing for me to lead the way. I did, turning and heading straight towards the exit of the aircraft. My brother and father followed after me, staying close.

The plane had landed ten minutes earlier than the airline had anticipated, which was good for us. As I strode down the ramp, my mind was filling up with plans. I was so close to Bella I could almost smell her in the air again. I imagined how I would hold her in my arms again, how we would take a flight to some exotic location – if I had to kidnap her, then I was going to make sure that it was to a place that she would be excited to see. And of course, we would take first class: I wondered how much she would enjoy that.

The numerous minds in the airport terminal didn't even bother me. It was the largest of the terminals in the airport, and as a results, the number of human minds was astonishing. I had to concentrate on dimming them, which slowed my walk somewhat as I did that while scanning the crowds for Alice, Jasper and Bella. I could hear so much…

There was a mother, watching her daughter play on a couple of chairs…a couple headed off on their honeymoon…an elderly man waiting for his elderly wife to arrive from a visit to their son…a security guard moaning about troublemaking teenagers who run around for no reason –

The image in his head was of Bella's face. Bella, as she ran from the terminal and into a bus.

I didn't realize I'd frozen until Carlisle was pushing me along. I found myself in a corner, hidden from cameras and the other passengers filing off the plane. Seclusion, and privacy. "What did you hear?" he asked. His eyes were on me: Emmett was scanning the airport, searching for danger. Possibly James. They assumed it was the tracker. "Edward, what did you hear?" _Is he here?_

"A security guard," I hissed at them, gaining control of my motor functions. I began to stride off, scanning for Alice and Jasper. "He saw Bella running out of the airport." Why was she running out of the airport? Was her face right, in his mind? Was it actually Bella, or just someone who looked like her?

And if it was Bella, where were Alice and Jasper?

A flicker in the sea of continuous voices caught my attention, only because she was shouting my name. _Edward! Edward, get over here now! Edward!_

"Alice." I could pinpoint her approximate location, from the direction her thoughts had echoed to me from. Emmett and Carlisle, as confused as I was, followed my lead as I began to lead the way to my sister.

I saw her face before she started explaining. Her lips were pressed together tightly in panic, and her eyes were wild and full of immense sadness. _She said she was hungry. Jasper went with her: she said that she was feeling panicky. He could tell. He went with her. She went into the bathroom. But there are two entrances – she went out. I saw her leave. But I couldn't get there in time. I couldn't have reached her in here – there's security, too many people, I couldn't…he's going to get her. _

The image of Bella caught me by surprise. I was only feet away from her, and I froze in place as I saw Bella's broken and bloody body in my mind. A shiver ran down my spine. The image was terrifying. I could barely understand what it meant – that Bella was in immense danger. But why should I have been surprised? Why hadn't I expected this to happen? Of course she would be in danger – of course I couldn't just come down to Phoenix and whisk her away to safety. Why should anything ever be that simple?

Carlisle and Emmett were interrogating Alice now, but I was searching for Jasper in the crowd. He appeared in my line of vision after I had been scanning the crowd for a few seconds. He didn't bother approaching me to try and explain himself, but instead offered information.

"There's no scent going into the bathroom from the other entrance," he told us. "Only Bella's." _But that doesn't make sense. We thought that perhaps the redhead managed to come down here before you,_ he added, looking at me. _We called Esme, and they can't tell if she's still of Forks or not. But she could have stolen a private jet, or stowed aboard a plane that was leaving before yours from another town – anything, really – to get here before you._

"So you thought that someone James knew might have come here first," Carlisle said, nodding. _It makes sense – but if there's no scent that could be a vampire, then it won't work. _"But there was no scent other than Bella's?"

"Only human scents," he confirmed. _Either way, something happened in the bathroom that allowed James to get to Bella. He probably threatened her somehow. _"I'm unsure about how he might have been able to threaten her, but anything to make her think she was unsafe with us…would have been enough. And it's been twenty minutes – we had to wait for your plane to land."

That was too long. She could be anywhere by now.

I grimaced. "Why would she go along with it?" I muttered. She had to know that we could protect her. She could have simply called for Jasper and he would have been there to protect her, regardless of whether it was a women's restroom or not. "I don't understand…"

_The letter. _

An image of a hotel-stationary envelope entered Alice's mind. _And the dance studio. Fifty-eight Street and Cactus. _The former two comments meant nothing to me, but Alice was digging out the envelope from her bag even as she remembered it. "Oh, no…" _She couldn't have. She wouldn't have. Did she plan this? That phone call – I didn't listen, I tried to be polite, but what did her mother say? _

She tore open the envelope and pulled out a letter. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stared at her, confused, but I saw through her mind the first line of the letter.

_**Edward, -**_

_No._ Alice whimpered out loud. I snatched the letter from her, holding it in front of myself. My stomach felt as if it were twisting in knots. And as I read it, I felt like the world was ending.

_**Edward,**_

_**I love you. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry. **_

_**Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them, it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.**_

_**And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please, this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.**_

_**I love you. Forgive me.**_

**  
Bella.**

No…

The letter left my hand, but I didn't care who had taken it. Bella's betrayal – for that was what it was – hurt me more than it had any right to. She wanted to save her mother. But why did she have to do it? Why did she have to care so much?

Why didn't she wait for me, ask for my help? Of course, that answer was quite obvious: James had told her not to tell anyone what she was doing. He was trapping her. I hated that monster even more, now: he had the gall to kidnap her mother in an effort to get to her. A surefire way of simultaneously ensuring Bella's cooperation and causing her immense pain in the process…

I gritted my teeth angrily. Jasper's soothing influence was lackluster at the moment, and had no real effect on the way I was feeling. I ignored his influence, but turned to him. "Where does her trail lead?" I snapped.

_To the street, where I think she took one of the hotel shuttles. _"But she wouldn't have gone to a hotel, even if she took one of those shuttles," he added. "Fifty-eighth Street and Cactus." _Why didn't I think of that before now? Where else would she have gone? _

My frustration was growing. "What does _that_ mean?"

Alice jumped in. "That's where the dance studio is. The first room in my visions." _She thought that she recognized the room, that it was her old dance studio. And that's at fifty-eighth Street and Cactus, she told us. _Alice was leading the way now, a few steps ahead of me. _We'll need a car. _

"We don't have –"

"Who said anything about renting one?" _I sure didn't. We don't have the time, no. So we'll just have to steal. _

I let her take the lead on that one, and soon enough we were in a nice, fast little car which she directed into traffic like a pro racecar driver. The speeds that she hit weren't entirely safe, but I wasn't about to protest. Even Carlisle wasn't protesting.

All that my family could think of was that Bella had gone on what amounted to a suicide mission, and they were terrified for my life in the decades ahead. More than once, the thought that I wouldn't survive without her crossed their minds.

I, myself, knew that life was not worth being in without Bella to brighten that existence. I was incomplete without her. Three days had been torturous enough: I didn't even want to imagine how decades would feel. The thought made my heart ache with a phantomlike tortured rhythm.

Alice's eyes darted to me throughout the trip. _It'll be fine. It has to be. We can get there. We can change the future. Already it's murky again. We figured it out in time. We can make it. Don't you give up, Edward. _

I didn't intend to. I would only give up – on existence, that is – if we failed to save Bella.

What could I do, if I lost her to death? I wasn't going to 'live', that was certain—but I hardly thought that Jasper or Emmett would help me reach my goal. No, they wouldn't. What could I— Of course.

Volterra.

They would kill me if I angered them. Perhaps the revelation of our existence to a human would be more than enough. And if it wasn't, then there were a thousand things I could do that could get me killed by them. The only thing that mattered was choosing the right transgression…

Jasper eyed me—I saw him in the rearview mirror, his eyes staring at my face in the reflection—and I avoided his gaze as I directed mine out the window. _He's a mess, but there's something odd under it…_ I did my best to stop thinking about my contingency plans, and more about saving Bella. Keeping her alive was the more preferable outcome, by far…

The bright, empty streets of Phoenix were alight with the afternoon sun. We would have to move fast once we reached the dance studio, for our skin, glimmering like diamonds in the sun, would give us away. My muscles were tensing and untensing, itching for a fight. Twenty-five minutes had passed, and if we didn't act soon, we might not be able to save Bella. I was desperate to reach her, to make sure that she was still alive.

Finally, the car screeched around a street corner onto another empty street. And in front of us was that dance studio. I was out of the car from five buildings down, racing towards the studio.

We were on the right track. Bella's scent was leading straight to the studio, and I followed it. It intersected with another trail right at the door, however – a trail that made my shoulders rise up, that made a growl start, low in my chest. James. The tracker was here, too.

I heard sounds from inside the studio, and burst through the door. My ears led the way, I knew where I was going, and the wood panels underneath my feet squeaked as I burst into the room. The sight that met my eyes was of the tracker – the _enemy_, my monstrous side snarled – crouching over a female form. It was undoubtedly Bella – I could smell her, so strongly.

Her scent was strong because she was bleeding freely.

My monstrous side somehow didn't focus on the meal that lay in wait. Instead, there was fury that another of my kind had reached my prey before me. The monster inside of me was angry because of that. And it didn't need to force its roar through my throat, against my will. It was encouraged to scream its fury, and I poured my hatred of the tracker into that sound. The tracker lifted his head, eyes bright and crimson, blood around his mouth –

I'd moved without realizing it.

My fingers tore into his shoulders as I grabbed him, pulling him up and back. He twisted, ready to fight, and caught one of my hands in his – but my rage, my fury, was so sharp and strong that I easily broke his brittle grip and threw him to the other side of the room.

He never hit the wall, nor did he hit the ground. Emmett was there, waiting – he'd seen what I was doing – and Jasper moved in behind the tracker. They tore into him, two to one, over powering him easily. He couldn't fight both of them off when he was trapped between them.

I could hear Emmett's thoughts, and Jasper's steady denial of the blood in the room. I could hear their anger toward James helping them handle the scent of Bella's spilled blood. I could hear Emmett's terror at the state Bella was in, and Jasper's fleeting hope that it wasn't too late for her. Emmett was growling viciously the whole time, and jasper was the one to break the tracker's neck so that his terrified, high keening was stopped.

And I, I was crouched on my knees beside her still form, unsure of what to do first. My hands flitted inches above her broken, beaten and bruised body, and a cry tore through my throat.

"Oh no, Bella, no!"

* * *

**A/N – To be continued…**


	37. Lucid

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N – Yes, it really did take this long. Yes, I apologize. And there's one more important thing. There are exactly TWO CHAPTERS left in "Twilight", which means about FOUR chapters of this story. O.O I didn't realize it was that close to the end! Oh my goodness! **

**NOTE: I would like to make a note of something that "vjd" very nicely informed me of: when Alice and Jasper knew that Bella had run, she read the note, and Edward heard it from her thoughts before the plane landed. That's something I didn't know about, and I have to confess, you guys: I'm lazy. I don't want to go back and revise what I wrote. So, if it bothers you a lot, you can ignore what I wrote, there, but I wanted you all to know the inaccuracy of the last chapter. Okay? **

**sundown21—I am not completely sure about my story of "New Moon" in Edward's point of view. The current working title is "Blue Moon" but I have yet to put it up. I'm going to have to finish this one first. And, to answer your other questions: yes, I'm a girl, and I'm sixteen at this point in time (2008). **

**I just realized that I haven't put what I'm listening to up here for so many chapters. Oops. :D Well, this time, I listened to "So What" by P!nk as I wrote this chapter. It's a pretty great song. :) **

**Enjoy the chapter! **

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Lucid **

She didn't answer when I called her name. But how could I expect her to, when she was in this state?

Her leg was twisted at an unnatural angle, her breathing coming rough and uneven into her lungs. Red marks on her skin bore evidence of soon-to-be bruises, and the glass mirrors of the room—cracked where she lay, and on the other side of the room—told me she had been tossed around.

But her blood…her blood was everywhere: on the floor underneath her head, slowly spreading across the wooden floor panels; staining the broken shards of the mirror; streaked across the floor. The red, viscous liquid tempted me, something I was ashamed to acknowledge.

However, I couldn't ignore the draw that her blood still had on me. I wanted to taste that… I shook my head, focusing desperately. This was _Bella_, _Bella_ lying bleeding and broken on the floor of a dance studio. _Bella,_ who was so still and pale that if not for the audibility of her heart, I would have thought her dead.

Faintly, behind me, I could hear Emmett and Jasper. Jasper was having difficulty leaving, but Emmett was right there with him, guiding my brother from the room. And Carlisle was sending up mental praises for Alice having the foresight to stash medical supplies in the car.

Alice felt relieved and guilty for that very same thing. This was the vision she had seen, which I was just learning of. She had seen Bella in this very situation before leaving the hotel room they had been staying in. I was just hearing of it, now. And the only thing that could reassure me was that Alice hadn't seen anything past this moment. She was too caught up—like me, like Carlisle and Emmett and Jasper—to think of scanning through the mists of the future for answers.

And I was stuck in my own terrible time warp, wanting desperately to hold Bella in my arms and yet being terrified of hurting her if I did. I called her name desperately. "Bella, please!" She wouldn't wake: she was unconscious…at least, I hoped that she was unconscious. A torrent of words poured from my lips as I begged for her to hear me, for her not to be dead. "Bella, listen to me, please, please, Bella, please!"

She didn't answer. "Carlisle!" I cried out, although I already knew that he was at the door to the studio. "Bella, Bella, no, oh please, no, no!" A pressure built up behind my eyes, a sensation I realized as the longing to cry. I wished that I could sob out my despair, but as a vampire I had to hold it in. I had no choice: I had no ability to cry, for everything else that my state of being had enabled in me.

My father came, appearing beside Bella and I in a flash. My mindless babbling scared them, but Carlisle concentrated his efforts on Bella. Alice had been sent to snatch the medical kit from her car. They had all been in the doorway just after I tore James away from her, witnessing that much before springing into action.

Carlisle yanked open the kit at his side. _We have to stop the bleeding._ His eyes flickered up to me._ Edward can't do too much here. _He reached forward, fingers lightly probing her head wound so that he could see the damage. _Not that bad—_

Her gasping, strangled cry startled me. I had thought she was unconscious, for she was so still—but at her cries, I knew she was awake. What's more, I knew she was _alive_. "Bella!"

_Conscious. That's good. She might have a concussion, but I hope not. _"She's lost some blood, but the head wound isn't that deep." My father spoke with a professional disinterest, his way of coping with treating Bella. She was too close to "family" already, what with our relationship.

Alice appeared beside him, and he said, "Watch out for her leg, it's broken." _It looks like he stepped on it. _

An enraged snarl broke through my lips. Alice moved around Bella's body, carefully not coming into contact with her at all, and squeezed my shoulders. She tried to offer some comfort, but it was hardly capable of easing any tension from my tight muscles. _She'll be fine. I saw her fine. She will live. She'll be fine…_ The mantra gave me hope.

Carlisle's fingers now skimmed over her torso, and she inhaled sharply again. "Some ribs, too, I think," he added, his forehead creasing. _It sounds like she can breathe still, for now at least. That's something to be thankful for. _

Thankful? I knew he didn't mean it that way, but it still sent a sharp ripple of agony through me. I had been the cause of all of this, and for us to be glad that she could still breathe made me feel like I was the most terrible monster on earth. Which, of course, I was…

"E-Edward…" Her soft, angelic voice broke through to me immediately. Her head titled towards me slightly, and I could see her eyelashes fluttering.

I hastened to reassure her that I was there, even though I hesitated to touch her for fear of hurting her unintentionally. "Bella, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Bella?" I asked, feeling that pressure of nonexistent tears building up behind my eyes. "I love you," I told her, meaning it with every ounce of myself.

"Edward…" she repeated. Her throat sounded a little bit clearer, but a faint crease was appearing between her eyebrows.

"Yes, I'm here," I told her.

"It hurts."

Her whimper caused me to flinch, and I didn't even think. I took her hand in mine, relieved when she didn't flinch in pain, and held it in mine as lightly as I could. "I know, Bella, I know," I murmured to her. I turned away from her, my throat choked with anguish. "Can't you do anything?" Anything to stop her pain…

"My bag, please…" he motioned for Alice to hand it to him. She moved away from me, our contact breaking, and handed it to him before slipping up beside Bella's head. She sat there, rocking back and forth, wanting to help. She also possessed black eyes, which our father noticed. "Hold your breath, Alice, it will help." She did, instantly.

"Alice?" Bella groaned.

"She's here, she knew where to find you," I told Bella, stroking my thumb over the back of her hand.

"My hand hurts," she whispered.

I grimaced and released her hand, placing it gently on the floor. At least she could tell me that it was causing her pain, so that I could stop from doing it. "I know, Bella," I reassured her, now that she had told me. "Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

But I was surprised by her reaction. "My hand is burning!" Her voice had risen to a shriek, and her eyes finally fluttered open. They were unfocused, and the blood on her face was inhibiting her ability to fully open her eyes and see. But her shriek had been so terrifying, I cared very little for the fact that she'd opened her eyes.

"Bella?" I asked, frightened.

"The fire! Someone stop the fire!"

Something in the back of my mind lit up at that. It sounded so strangely familiar—terrifyingly so. Her hand? I looked—actually looked—at the limb this time, and to my shock I realized that there was blood there, too. It was on my fingers. And…

My fingers closed on her wrist, bringing the limb closer to me. My eyesight was frighteningly precise, but I lifted her hand despite myself as I gawked at the wound. "Carlisle! Her hand!" I already knew what it was, but I wanted him to tell me I was wrong.

He didn't. _No._ "He bit her." _Was it not enough to torture the girl by throwing her around the room? Did he have to bite her on top of that? Fiery agony on top of a beating? _

My breath caught. No, I was right. This was a bite mark. This was a wound that James had left on my Bella, which…

…Which would eventually leave her immortal. A vampire. Like me.

_The wound is so small, I know it won't be enough. _Alice? Alice had known? She had reassured me that Bella would be fine. She had just told me that… _There needs to be more venom, to speed up her transformation instead of letting it stretch out so long. I thought so. _"Edward, you have to do it." My sister reached up to wipe blood from Bella's eyes, trying to offer her some comfort.

I felt frozen at her words and thoughts. How could something like this be happening? It was a nightmare, but I couldn't sleep, and that meant it was reality. How could this be happening? "No!" I couldn't lose her to this! I couldn't let her become immortal!

"Alice," Bella moaned, her body twisting at the pain.

Was that my only option? To increase her suffering? I couldn't do that to her. I could barely stand to be in this room when she was bleeding so freely, and it was a miracle that I was withstanding the temptation her blood offered. How could I bite through her skin and taste her blood, and pull away? And not just that: how could I bite her to change her into one of us, when I felt like the very idea would tear me apart?

She deserved life. She deserved more than me. Yet here she lay, broken on the floor, because she didn't realize that. Because she put herself in harm's way: because of me. How could I save her from the terrible fate of becoming a monster, like me?

As if he read my mind, Carlisle told me, "There may be a chance." _It would be difficult, but he can't seem to stand the idea of letting her become one of us. And I know his philosophy—this is a nightmarish event for him. _

I felt as if I was going to sob with relief. Another alternative? And Carlisle understood how I hated the idea of Bella becoming one of us! "What?"

"See if you can suck the venom out. The wound is fairly clean." _Small stitches. If I get these in fast enough, it can staunch the blood flow from the head wound._

I blinked at him, hardly believing what I was hearing. Was he insane? It would have been hard enough to simply let venom flow from my mouth into her body, but to actually drink her blood in the effort to draw out the tracker's venom? That was mad, foolish in the extreme.

Alice was running out of air. "Will that work?" _Does that satisfy you, Edward? You don't have to let her become one of us—not right now, at least. _I ignored the last bit of her sentence, but it was her reassurance that made me listen to her. _This can work, Edward. You can do it. _

Carlisle misinterpreted her words as being for him. "I don't know. But we have to hurry." _In theory, sucking the venom out will work as long as it hasn't flowed too far into her bloodstream yet. _

I could see the theory in his head, the faint imagery in his mind's eye as he imagined the venom flowing backwards. I could see the assurance in Alice's mind as well, her determination that the faint vision she could see—me lifting my head from Bella's hand, her chest still moving with steady, shallow breath—and she directed reassurance at me. _You can do it, Edward._

"Carlisle, I…" Despite her belief in me, I was loath to think that Alice was telling me the truth. The mind's imagery was forgeable, and I wouldn't put it past her to tell me anything to try and get me to act. I felt terribly guilty as I spoke aloud. "I don't know if I can do that." Could Carlisle do it for me? That was what I asked.

His voice was gentle. "It's your decision, Edward, either way."_ It should be hers, but she's not in the position to tell you right now. That makes it even more important to both of you. _"I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

He was preparing a needle of morphine for her when Bella began to writhe more strongly, obviously affected by the venom. Her leg shifted and she cried out in pain. Then, "Edward!" She screamed. Her scrunched-closed eyes flew open, unfocused and yet latching onto my face seconds later.

I stared at her for what seemed to be the longest moment of my life. She was lying there on the floor, in agony and in more hurt than I'd ever wish on my worst enemy. And she was begging me for something, begging—but for what? For me to stop the fires of the venom? For me to make it end faster?

My father had noticed her leg move. "Alice, get me something to brace her leg!" _She might damage it more if she keeps moving around like that. _"Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late." _I don't mean to rush you to make a choice, but you have to make it. _

There was no time for deliberation. There was no time for thinking, not anymore. I knew what I believed. I knew what I wanted.

The question now was whether I could do it. Did I really think I could handle this? Did I honestly believe that I could drink from Bella without killing her? Could I stop? Could I depend on my father and sister to stop me if I became lost in bloodlust?

I had to trust myself. But how could I trust myself when I was just a monster in the guise of something that my family, that Bella, thought was "good"?

No choice. Either she died at my hand—which would be unbearable—or she lost her soul to become what I was, which was possibly worse.

Not by much. But the margin of error was slim enough that it bolstered my determination.

I heard Alice sigh in relief, and yet some regret, as I locked my fingers around her bitten hand to keep her from moving it when I bit down. And I leaned my head down, placing my lips gently to her skin—then parting them, and allowing my razor-sharp teeth to sink through her thin, pale flesh over the same open wounds that the tracker had left on her hand.

Her blood was like an explosion of the sweetest-tasting wine within my mouth. I could taste every drop that slipped through my parched lips, and something inside me roared in triumph.

It was the sweetest substance I had ever tasted.

And a dim roar in my head gradually began to block out everything except the feeding pleasure that made my inner monster growl and purr in delight. I heard, vaguely, that Bella was crying out and screaming. I felt her thrashing, even though her hand stayed in place in my solid grip. I heard Alice speaking soothingly as she held Bella's leg to a yardstick she'd found, to keep the limb straight.

I heard Carlisle speaking to me as he held Bella's head, so that she didn't hurt herself more as she struggled in pain. It was my father's continuous warnings to me, his instructions and support, that made me focus on Bella. I focused.

It was a struggle unlike any other. I fought to keep from drinking too greedily, trying to tell myself to savor it. The monster inside of me was only half fooled—it believed that it should savor the sweet taste, yes, but it would still find a way to down it all despite my efforts to keep that from happening.

But slowly, slowly, I tasted the venom that was not mine slip to a few drops. I tasted her blood; cleared of venom and becoming infused with the morphine that Carlisle had given her.

It was in those last few moments before the drug that I almost lost myself again. I almost gave in to the purring delight in the back of my head, the monster that tempted me to just drink a little bit more, only a few more drops…

Alice screeched in my head. _Edward—you love her! Be strong for her!_

Carlisle encouraged me. _You are in control enough, Edward. You can stop. _

In my own mind, however, I could see Bella's face. I could see how she always blushed whenever she was embarrassed. I could see her beautiful smile. I could see that faint frown appearing on her forehead, a little crease. I saw her laughing, I saw her scowling, I saw her asleep… I saw Bella.

And, somehow—miraculously—I pulled my head away from her hand. I closed my lips over my teeth and inhaled deeply, gritting my teeth.

She'd stopped writhing, and her breathing was steady—shallow, but there. "Edward," I heard her breathe.

"He's right here, Bella," Carlisle told her. I didn't look up, although I felt his eyes on my face. I heard his mind. _You did extremely well, all things considered. You did it. _

I had, hadn't I? I wanted to jump to my feet, shout to the heavens that I had left her alive—that she was still human, because I managed not to kill her in the fury of a bloody obsession. I wanted to kiss her, smile with her, laugh—but she was still hurt, so terribly. She was still in danger.

She didn't seem to realize that her life was still on the line, even if her mortality and soul were not. "Stay, Edward, stay with me…"

But how could I deny her what she wanted? Who was I to deny her anything? "I will." She sighed, relaxing on the doubtless-hard wood floor.

Since she was more or less out of it, Carlisle took the opportunity to check with me. "Is it all out?" He watched me, and this time I met his eyes. The fatherly concern for me shone brightly in them. _Any drops left could leave her in unbearable agony all over again._

He didn't mean for me to hear that. But I was on a cloud of relief, and I knew that he was just concerned. "Her blood tastes clean." I spoke softly, so as not to rouse her. "I can taste the morphine."

_Good. But I should check with Bella, as well. _"Bella?" he asked.

"Mmmmm?" She was exhausted. But even if she had a concussion, with all the blood she had lost it was fairly ridiculous to try and keep her awake.

"Is the fire gone?"

"Yes," she sighed. "Thank you, Edward."

If I'd ever thought before this moment that she would someday be thanking me for drinking her blood, I would have thought I was going insane. And if I had thought I could actually do it and leave her alive, I would have been certain that I was insane. Instead, I felt like my heart was about to burst from my chest.

I'd made the right decision, then, if this was what she wanted. Well—what else could she have wanted? She didn't know what the burning pain meant. So, I opted for telling her again, "I love you." I would never tire of telling her that.

"I know," she breathed.

I laughed quietly to myself, so relieved that the tension had to be let out somehow. I knew that this wasn't over yet—not by a long shot—but there was still some part of me that felt relieved, that this barrier was overcome. This was one part of the situation that had been pulled under control.

_How cute. Exchanging vows of love over what would have been her deathbed,_ Emmett commented lightly. I could hear the underlying anger that was filling up his mind, and Jasper's, as they noticed what kind of a condition my Bella was in. I shot a half-hearted glare at the two of them as I rubbed my lips into my sleeve to remove excess blood. My brothers had come in with a gallon of gasoline that the owner of the car we'd stolen had stored in the trunk—a very nice gesture, since we had to burn the ballet studio along with James' remains.

Then Emmett hissed in a vampire-fast voice, "I don't smell her mother." _Is she here? Or is she at Bella's house or something? _

His comment sparked the memory in my mind. Carlisle beat me to the question, however. "Bella?" _Where is her mother?_

I smiled to myself as a frown appeared on her face, but I, too, was concerned about Bella's mother. Was Renee still in danger—or possibly hurt? Bella grunted, "What?"

"Where is your mother?" my father asked.

"In Florida," she sighed. "He tricked me, Edward. He watched our videos." Videos? I assumed that she meant ones from when she still lived with her mother, considering the circumstances.

But then she started, trying to open her eyes. The lids fluttered feebly. "Alice. Alice, the video—he know you, Alice, he knew where you came from."

There was a long silence in the room, as we blinked and tried to digest that. Alice looked up, scanning the room, and then stood. She walked as if in a trance, to the TV where a video camera was set up. She reached forward and pressed the button on the side, stopping the small machine from recording any more of the scene.

I was barely able to think about Alice's imminent discoveries when Bella muttered, "I smell gasoline."

We had to move. I'd almost forgotten, but now we had to get in motion. "It's time to move her," Carlisle said. _To the car, I suppose. We have to figure out a story for the hospital. _

"No, I want to sleep," Bella protested.

I couldn't really grin to myself. I was feeling rather melancholy again, considering she was in such bad shape. Yet, I made sure that there was nothing but love in my tone as I soothed her. "You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll carry you."

Carefully, gently, I slid my arms underneath her broken body, taking the utmost care to make sure that no part of her was twisted or strained. Carlisle made sure her makeshift leg splint was secure before stepping back, and I lifted her into the air. In my arms, she curled into my chest ever so slightly, still too hurt to really snuggle close to me.

Pressing my lips to her jaw, I whispered in her ear, "Sleep now, Bella."

She did, cradled in my arms in the most comfortable position that she could be in when she was so hurt. Carlisle led the way out of the room, and I followed immediately after him as we ran to the car. We couldn't let any watching humans spy us, for they would be curious as to why Bella was so hurt. However, Alice hadn't foreseen any problems or witnesses, so we were in the clear as far as we knew.

I did my best not to jostle Bella as I lowered myself into the car, and slid into the backseat. I cradled her on my lap, doing my best to support her weight as I spread her body over the remaining half of the seat. Her head remained in my lap.

Carlisle slid into the driver's seat, and we waited for what seemed like the longest minute of my life before Alice flung herself into the passenger-side seat. "Go straight, then turn right." _We have to get to that hotel within the time frame and call an ambulance from there…_

* * *

It was hard enough saving Bella from the dance studio, when I knew that if Carlisle had the equipment in his reach, he could have done so much more. But it was so much worse for me, and for Bella's condition, for us to have to set up the scene in a random hotel and wait for an ambulance to show up, after we had situated Bella and called for help.

I didn't let her go the entire time, holding her head as loosely in my grip as I dared as I murmured softly to her unconscious form. There was something about the talking that made me feel better, oddly enough, even though I knew that she couldn't hear me.

I was in agony during those long minutes, as we first set up Bella's clumsy fall down the stairs and through a window, and then waited for the hotel staff to stop panicking while Alice called 9-1-1. Carlisle did what he could, pretending to stitch up Bella's head wound right there and staying on top of making sure her vital signs were strong enough. No one paid close enough attention to the details of Carlisle's stitches to notice that he was moving quickly because they were already there. People tended to see what they wanted to see.

No one noticed that there was blood on our clothes until we reached the hospital. Carlisle followed with Bella into the ER, showing his certification as a doctor. I trusted him to help her, so even though I was wired on anxiety and nerves, I allowed her out of my sight. Just barely, but I did do it.

One of the nurses at the front, where Alice was signing paperwork for Bella, noticed the blood on my pants. _He was right there with that girl who was just brought in, wasn't he? How else would he have gotten that blood on his legs? _"Sir, there's a bathroom around the corner if you want to try and remove those stains," she ventured shyly.

I nodded at her in thanks, although I was more preoccupied with listening to Carlisle's thoughts through the hazy network of other minds in the hospital. I could hear the developments in Bella's case, and was intent on hearing everything that I could.

However, my brothers showed up at the hospital almost as soon as the nurse told me where the bathroom was. Emmett entered the room—Jasper stayed outside, the better to keep control on himself—and my large, burly sibling decided that I needed to go wash her blood off.

Allowing him to nudge me into the bathroom, I scrubbed vainly at the stains, which only served to lighten them to a pinkish color. Emmett stayed with me, keeping up a near-constant hum of talking, which served to distract me from Bella's current state. I wasn't entirely appreciative of the gesture, and I reflected that I would have to thank him for keeping me sane during those long hours in which we sat in the waiting room.

But after half an hour had passed, after Alice had called Bella's parents and Esme, we were still waiting. I was growing more tense by the second, just listening to Carlisle struggle to find the right blood for transfusion. I gritted my teeth together and moaned. How could it be that Bella's blood type was the most difficult—O negative—and there was none of that in this building?

_Edward, calm down,_ Alice scolded me after I'd growled in frustration. She was outside with Jasper, but they could still hear us with their finely tuned vampire hearing. "They'll find it," she added out loud. _They have to. _

_Find it? _"Find what?" Emmett asked.

"Her blood type," I told him. My head hung loosely, my elbows propped on my knees, as I waited for good news. "They couldn't find any of her blood type in the hospital and are now sending out for it." I was counting down the minutes. I could hear each one of the seconds ticking by.

_Damn. What's her blood type?_ "And her blood type is…?"

"O negative."

He snorted. _The most difficult type, of course—you know, I wonder if that's why she smells so good? _He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, raising an eyebrow. _Does Edward have an attraction to that particular blood type? _

I frowned to myself. That was a plausible theory, actually, but it didn't quite make sense to me. "If that's true," I murmured at a low volume, "then wouldn't that mean that the humans you ran into, who smelled so sweet to you, also had the same blood type? You described its effect as similar to what I felt."

He frowned, too. _Then we would all have had the same thirst for her blood that you do,_ he concluded. "Huh." _Maybe not, then…_I, myself, was wondering if it was something mystically attractive in her that made her blood appeal to me so much.

Thinking of her blood made me recall how I had suffered through my own monstrous cravings to keep her human. How difficult it had been, for me to restrain from drinking her completely dry! I pressed my hands to the sides of my head, trying not to recall the memory of the taste of that liquid.

Emmett clapped a hand gently on my shoulder. "She'll be okay." _You know that they're going to find her blood—they have to. Hippocratic Oath and all. They have to._

I smiled grimly, but said nothing. Oaths to do one's best to save a life meant nothing if the materials with which to save that life could not be found.

I bent my head again, and tuned out the world as I sat and waited for something. Anything. I'd saved her from the predator who would have destroyed her without a thought, with eagerness, even. I saved her from a life like mine. I had saved her from myself. But this wasn't something I could fix or save her from. I could only sit by and wait.

I'd saved her from so much already, and still she was in danger. And I could do nothing.

* * *

**A/N—To be continued…**

**Thanks for reading!**


	38. Discoveries

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N— HAPPY 2009!**

**Sorry it's taken so long for me to give you an update. I know, I'm a horrible person. **

**This chapter was written to Bella's Lullaby from the Twilight Movie on repeat. Yes, on repeat. It was my muse. :) **

**I know this update is kind of short, but I HAD to give you guys something—I seriously had about 3 people asking me if I was okay, because I hadn't updated in so long. And one of them had read my most recent LiveJournal entry, which I had written while kind of…er, depressed. But I'm seriously fine, guys! :) The concern is touching. But you see, the depressed entry was from about two months ago, and I want to make it clear that when I update that journal I usually am depressed. So, the fact that I updated at least two months ago means I haven't been that depressed in two months. :) Yay!**

**Anyway, enough of that! Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Discoveries**

Doing nothing became tedious.

Carlisle finally got the blood that he needed for her transfusion. When the news came—via Alice—I was so relieved that I felt catatonic. Everything seemed to be happening faster and faster once we reached the point where Bella was stable.

Her mother and stepfather boarded a plane, which would land in the morning. Alice called Charlie again to tell him the good news, and Carlisle soothed Bella's father over the phone, keeping him from storming down to Phoenix in full police regalia. Jasper and Alice went to a hotel to check in, with the videotape in hand in order to view it and see what Bella had meant by her hazy comments in the ballet studio.

And Emmett and I sat, watching the clock in the waiting room, as midnight approached.

My brother's mindless babbling kept me sane. Without his inane chatter, I would probably have broken several chairs and a wall in my frustration. I could barely hear anything that was happening—there were too many minds in the building, a depressing thought all on its own. And Carlisle was with Bella, somewhere in the furthest reaches of the ER.

When she was finally, finally put in a room, Emmett had to warn me to slow down in my haste to reach her. _The hospital has security cameras, Edward. Now chill and wait for the elevator like a normal person. _

"I'm not a person," I hissed under my breath. I had never been more of a monster than I was at this moment.

"Well, just because you're not human doesn't mean you can act like a vampire," he hissed back under his breath. _Honestly, Edward, you're supposed to be reminding me of all our restrictions and obligations. You're the voice of moral reasoning in this family—you know, that very annoying voice in the back of our minds, which we can't get rid of?_

"You're absolutely hilarious, you know that?"

_I try. _"I try."

Carlisle was waiting for us by the elevator, and it was only his sharp mental reprimand that kept me from continuing my hard, driving pace towards her hospital room. _Slowly, Edward: security is probably watching you by now if you came up here the whole way like this. _

"Sorry, Carlisle." I sighed, placing my hands on my hips and taking a moment to glare at the floor and compose myself. "I'm a little…anxious."

_Understandable. _"She's in good condition. But her injuries," Carlisle gritted his teeth, glancing at the medical charts in his hands. "She has a broken leg, four broken ribs, a few cracks in her skull, multiple bruises and, of course, blood loss. The transfusion seems to be working for her, and she's currently stable, although unconscious."

His eyes were squarely on me, and with good reason. I had a feeling that I'd be crushing something in my hands if I could find an appropriate object to release my anger and frustration on. I was so…angry. At James, at myself…at the world, for Bella being forced to go through all this suffering…

But it was all mostly my fault. I knew that, and so did my family. They would be blind to deny it.

I took a deep breath, ignoring the scents of acrid cleaners and compelling human blood. "What room is she in?" I asked quietly.

Carlisle gestured in the direction of her room. _She probably won't wake up for a long while—her body went through a great deal of stress, not to mention her mind. I'm sure that she'll wake up within the week, however, so it is simply a matter of how long we have to wait._ I nodded, but I was already moving as I did so. I was incredibly anxious to see her. My father and brother followed in my wake.

I stopped short upon entering the room. She was so still, so pale. Lying there, she looked like a fragile, broken doll, with those purple-blue bruises on her skin. Her leg was in a cast, and she was hooked up to all manner of machines and monitors. It was terrifying, to see her so dependent on machinery for survival.

She was so weak. She could die so easily, and there would be nothing I could do to save her. Or rather, nothing I _would_ do. Because saving her, in the way Alice had wanted me to, was not saving her: it was condemning her.

Carlisle's hand was firm on my shoulder. _She will be fine, Edward. _

_Ah, man, if he wasn't already dead… _Emmett growled low in the back of his throat, silenced only by a warning glance from Carlisle. _James is so lucky we took care of him quickly. _

Entering the room, I moved right to the edge of her bed and took her hand in mine as gently as possible. Her warm, living flesh felt almost like it was burning mine. Her grip was nonexistent: she was completely unconscious and her hand was loose and limp in my grasp.

I swallowed hard, the venom having welled up at her scent. Then I sniffed the air, and curled my lip slightly.

_Edward? What's wrong?_

"She smells…different," I answered quietly. I knew instantly why. "Because of the blood transfusion." She smelled—wrong. It was the clearest indication that she was sick, a sign that I couldn't ignore. Her own blood was mixed with that of another person—possibly more than one other person.

Emmett snorted slightly, coming around to her other side. _You are the weirdest person I've ever met. _"You are the weirdest person I've ever met. Why are you sad because of that?" _Wouldn't it be easier for you to be around her, now? _

"It is," I answered, shooting him a dark look. "But it's also strange. It feels surreal, because I don't smell _her_." It felt as if she might not even be there.

Somehow, my usually obtuse brother seemed to understand. He refrained from comment, opting to look down at the fragile human with brotherly concern. "Bella, you have no idea how glad we all are that you didn't die. I don't know what we'd do if Edward turned back into Mr. Emo." _He would have been absolutely impossible to live with. And Esme would have been crying constantly over losing her new daughter, and her oldest son. _

I gave him a look. He raised an eyebrow at me in challenge. _And that's the truth. She's part of our family now, and you wouldn't be the same if you lost her. Admit it. _

"Of course not. But…" I couldn't put into words the thoughts that it seemed only I had considered.

Then again, I was the only one besides Bella who had heard Charlie's parting words. I was the only one who had seemed to consider Bella's departure from Forks. Alice hadn't even thought of it. I wondered if it was wishful thinking that made her believe it wouldn't happen—that Bella would change her mind and stay with me, in Forks.

But I was certain that she wouldn't be staying. She should be with her mother in a warmer place, where she would be safe and happy. She didn't need me the way I needed her, and she could move away to a safer locale. She could be happy somewhere else.

And so I was destined for that heartache. I was meant to be alone. I didn't want to give her up, but I knew that it was in her best interests to leave me. Sooner or later, Esme would have to face the loss of one of her unofficial daughters. My family would be back to seven members. I would be alone again.

The thought made my useless heart feel as if it were being squeezed.

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder. _I'm sure that she will heal well, with time. She'll be all right. _"I assume that you want to stay and watch her?" _I wouldn't expect any less of you. _

"Thank you, Carlisle. I think I will." My eyes scanned for a chair. If I were going to stay here for a long time, then I would have to pretend to be human for the nurses and hospital staff. They would notice if I stood like a sentry by her bedside without moving a muscle.

My father nudged one over to me. It slid across the floor with one gentle kick from him, and I caught and sat in it without releasing Bella's hand. Sinking back into the chair, I wondered what was in store for us next. I was more than content to sit at her side for however many hours I had left with her, but I knew my family wouldn't be so absorbed with her presence.

Emmett's phone went off, and he left the room to answer it at Carlisle quiet insistence. I didn't bother wondered who it was: Bella's smooth, unconscious face had captivated me. I watched her lie there for a long time, until Emmett entered the room.

Tuning out other's minds had become second nature to me, and when my name was called I listened on reflex. _Edward, Alice wants you to come to the hotel to watch the tape. _He was slightly confused by the demand of our sister, and my scowl was received with rolling eyes. "I don't know why—don't glare at me because she wants something." _I think you should go, though. Alice has a reason for calling for you now, since she knows that you wouldn't want to leave Bella. _

I sighed, nodding. He was right. "I'll go. You have the hotel?"

Carlisle pulled out a small piece of paper with written instructions. _I have directions to the hotel. _"Here—Emmett, go with Edward. I'll stay here with Bella." _As her doctor, I shouldn't leave right now. _

Emmett snatched the directions out of Carlisle's hand and headed toward the door. I held us up for a long minute, taking a careful look at my Bella's poor, bruised face and memorizing it. I did this to her…

My lips brushed her forehead, in a spot free of bruising, and then I backed away from the bed and left the room. My brother's arm on my shoulders was a surprisingly comfort as we headed toward the hotel.

And I couldn't help but wonder what was so important about the video that Alice demanded I come and see it now.

* * *

The blank screen shone black for a moment before the tape caught, and then illuminated slightly. I watched as images and sound came out of the television.

"_Bella? Bella?" The room was dark. Faint light shone from the television—then it was suddenly blue. The blue light illuminated the outline of her body. She turned around, her expression shocked, confused, and wary. _

"_Sorry about that, Bella," a disembodied voice said. "But isn't it better that your mother didn't really have to be involved in all this?" _

_Realization dawned in her eyes. "Yes." Relief saturated her voice._

"_You don't sound angry that I tricked you."_

"_I'm not." _

"_How odd. You really mean it." The bodiless voice was surprised. "I will give your strange coven this much, you humans can be quite interesting. I guess I can see the draw of observing you. It's amazing—some of you seem to have no sense of your own self-interested at all… I suppose you're going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?"_

"_No, I don't think so. At least, I asked him not to."_

"_And what was his reply to that?"_

"_I don't know. I left him a letter." _

"_How romantic, a last letter. And do you think he will honor it?"_

"_I hope so." _

"_Hmmm. Well, our hopes differ then. You see, this was all just a little too easy, too quick. To be quite honest, I'm disappointed. I expected a much greater challenge. And, after all, I only needed a little luck." The disembodied voice was gloating. _

"_When Victoria couldn't get to your father, I had her find out more about you. There was no sense in running all over the planet chasing you down when I could comfortably wait for you in a place of my choosing. So, after I talked to Victoria, I decided to come to Phoenix to pay your mother a visit. I'd heard you say you were going home. At first, I never dreamed you meant it. But then I wondered. Humans can be very predictable; they like to be somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. And wouldn't it be the perfect ploy, to go to the last place you should be when you're hiding—the place that you said you'd be._

"_But of course I wasn't sure, it was just a hunch. I usually get a feeling about the prey that I'm hunting, a sixth sense, if you will. I listened to your message when I got to your mother's house, but of course I couldn't be sure where you'd called from. It was very useful to have your number, but you could have been in Antarctica for all I knew, and the game wouldn't work unless you were close by._

"_Then your boyfriend got on a plane to Phoenix. Victoria was monitoring them for me, naturally; in a game with this many players, I couldn't be working alone. And so they told me what I'd hoped, that you were here after all. I was prepared; I'd already been through your charming home movies. And then it was simply a matter of the bluff._

"_Very easy, you know, not really up to my standards. So, you see, I'm hoping you're wrong about your boyfriend. Edward, isn't it?" Gloating triumph leaked through every word of the speech. "Would you mind, very much, if I left a little letter of my own for your Edward?" _

_A shadow moved out of the field of vision, and her face turned into horror and the slightest tinge of disgust. The frame widened, the camera taking in more of the studio. In the mirror behind her, the disembodied voice finally had a body. His eyes were almost completely black in the mirror reflection that could be seen behind the girl. _

"_I'm sorry, but I just don't think he'll be able to resist hunting me after he watches this. And I wouldn't want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of course. You're simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, ad indisputably running with the wrong crowd, I might add." He stepped forward. "Before we begin…" _

_The smile on his face was slightly twisted. "I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me._

"_You see, the vampire who was stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked—I _never _will understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans—and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then. _

"_I destroyed the old one in vengeance," he sighed. _

_Her face illuminated with sudden understanding. "Alice." _

"_Yes, your little friend. I _was_ surprised to see her in the clearing. So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honor, actually. _

"_And she did smell so delicious. I still regret that I never got to taste… She smelled even better than you do. Sorry—I don't mean to be offensive," he grinned slyly, the curve of his cheek betraying the expression to the camera behind him. "You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow…" _

_He stepped closer to the girl until he was inches away, and she seemed paralyzed. Unable to flinch back as he lifted a lock of her hair, sniffed it delicately, and then patted the strand back in place. His fingers reached to stroke her cheek with his thumb. Her eyes were wide with terror. _

"_No," he murmured, dropping his hand. "I don't understand. Well, I suppose we should get on with it. And then I can call your friends and tell them where to find you, and my little message." He stepped back—_

The scene froze.

My eyes swiveled toward Jasper, who held the remote. I'd been scowling at the screen, snarling every now and then, but I knew that the tape wasn't over. Why had they stopped it? "Something wrong?" I growled.

My levelheaded brother eyed me cautiously. "I'm not sure seeing the rest of this is necessary. We already know what Bella said was here." _I'm not sure you should see the rest. _

"Why shouldn't I see the rest?" I asked, my teeth clenched together like a steel trap. "What more is there?"

Alice's lips tightened. _He beats her. _"You don't need to watch her receive those injuries." _You already know how she was hurt. _

Alice was right—I didn't _need_ to. But as I turned away, I knew that she also didn't quite understand. "I have to," I whispered, resting my elbows on my knees. "I have to know what he did."

"You already know," Emmett reminded me in a low voice. _We know how she was hurt. The only thing that matters is that she's on her way to being healed. Why can't we just be grateful for that? _

I gave him a raised eyebrow, just looking at him for a long moment. I knew that wasn't his reason. He wanted to know, just like I did.

He sighed. _Okay, fine, I just think you don't need to know. _"Edward, you have enough guilt. Don't make yourself hurt more over this." _Bella probably wouldn't like it._

"Bella won't know," I retorted.

Jasper sighed, the remote still firmly held in his hand. "The level of guilt that I'm feeling from you right now is ridiculous, Edward. Before you get to see anything past this point, you're going to get through _those_ emotions." _No one should hate himself or herself that much. It's not healthy. _

Great. We were back to the 'suicidal Edward' line of thinking. "You're not a psychologist."

"No, but I do know when you're lying." _Don't try me, Edward. I'm furious at James for this—_without realizing it, he gestured to the TV—_and aggravation of any kind may make me lose control over the entire room. _

I raised an eyebrow at him, before I realized what he meant. No wonder I wasn't leaping out of my seat to break something—which was my usual method of releasing pure anger. Jasper was calming the room. Emmett's hands were in fists, but his voice hadn't risen to room-shaking levels. Alice was curled up in her seat, but the trembling hadn't started up. And my teeth were grinding together, but I hadn't broken anything.

That just went to show how angry we were, since this was us _with_ Jasper's calming influence.

And we had every right to be. I didn't know where to start, with James' video. I had difficulty remembering that it had all happened in the past, when I saw Bella's face on the screen, lit up with terror. I wished desperately that I had been the one to tear James to pieces.

Alice looked at me, seeming to weight something in her mind. I caught a flash of some kind of dust, then of a shredded couch. She made her decision. "Jasper, finish playing it." She looked at him when he started to protest. "Please. Esme likes her couches." _Let's not destroy one of them by making him watch it at home. _

Jasper grimaced, then rolled his eyes slightly. "Of course." _Edward, you really need to learn how to control your temper. _

"It's not my fault," I grunted. "I'm a teenager. My perpetual mood is angst and 'nobody understands me'." Emmett snorted as I repeated what he'd told me several times before. Jasper and Alice sighed, looking at each other with a hint of amusement.

We all grew more serious once he pushed the play button again, however.

Then my mind set on autopilot, in a way. I could only watch—could hardly think—as I saw my Bella become prey to the monster that was James. I saw her thrown against the mirrors, and bitten. I saw myself come into the picture and tear him away. In the reflection in the glass, I saw his demise with half an eye as I watched myself, Carlisle and Alice surrounding Bella. I saw my father keeping her alive with medical treatment. I saw my sister helping him.

And I saw myself bite her.

It was such a surreal experience. I recalled the entire incident—from where I came in, of course—with remarkable ease. I remembered what the wooden flooring felt like beneath my knees, and the sounds of James' death. I remembered the taste of her blood the clearest, and that was the most terrifying part of recalling the whole thing to the forefront of my mind.

Jasper pulled out the tape when it had ended, showing us a blank, blue screen. I could hear his concern for me as I battled with the rising of venom in my mouth, as I fought down the thirst that awoke with the mere memory of that sweet, sweet liquid. And soon enough, I was myself again.

_There. You saw it. Now we'll never see it again. _Jasper was deadly serious. "We can destroy it as soon—"

"Carlisle. Esme." Alice's eyes flickered to Emmett. "Probably Rosalie. They'll want to see it." _Rosalie, if only to know what happened and to make sure that Emmett was fine. Carlisle, because he will want to know. Esme for the same reason. _

Jasper's teeth clicked together. _It's dangerous._ "We have to make certain this tape stays in our possession."

Alice held out her hand for it, plucking her purse off the table beside her. "I can keep an eye on it." _No one will find it here, and we won't forget it. I know it. _She was certain, and we decided it was best to keep it close at hand. Just in case.

My sister sighed, closing her eyes. The flash of a plane appeared in her mind's eye. "Phil and Renee will be a little bit early. Emmett and I will go to the airport to meet them when it lands. Jasper, you and Edward should head back to the hospital now." Her eyes opened and locked on mine. _I know you want to be by her side. _Her eyes flicked to her husband. _He can keep you from breaking anything. _

I didn't argue with her choice of my bodyguard. It was true that Jasper could keep me calm. And it was also true that I probably needed to be kept calm. As soon as I was by myself, and if I kept thinking about the video and James, then I would probably end up smashing something to pieces.

We headed back to the hospital in a taxi that Alice called for. Jasper and Alice had swung by the ballet studio, with caution tape set up around it, and ditched the stolen car. Before leaving with Bella, Emmett had tossed a match on the lighter fluid. I had barely paid attention, too concerned about her to worry about our blatant destruction of private property.

I led the way to Bella's room, leading a non-breathing Jasper through the hospital. Carlisle rose as we entered, and I told him of Emmett and Alice's plans. But my eyes were locked on Bella the instant I entered her room, and stayed that way.

She looked so fragile, especially with those darkening bruises marring her pale skin. The cast and IV, the heart monitor, the bandages…all of these things stuck out against the plain white sheets that she lay on, and I couldn't tear my eyes away if I even wanted to. I couldn't bear to look away from her.

Jasper judged my mood and decided that it was best for him to get out of the hospital since I was in no danger of destroying something at the moment. Carlisle suggested that he go out to the airport to pick up the car that he, Alice and Bella had taken to get to Phoenix. Grateful for something to do, he headed out. And my father gave me some time alone with Bella.

I didn't know what to do as I waited, watching her. It wasn't like watching her sleep, not at all. She was unconscious, and her current physical appearance made it all the worse that she was still and silent. And yet, I was glad that she was unconscious—it meant that she couldn't feel the pain, as she would if she were awake.

I stroked her hair with my fingertips, gently arranging it around her face with absentminded care. Even hurting and near death, she looked beautiful. She was more than I deserved, and more than I could ever hope to be. She was alive.

A smile cracked on my lips. It felt broken on my face, out of place. Wasn't it ironic that she was so alive, even when she seemed so close to death? And earlier that day, as I raced to save her, I had contemplated ending my own life if she left this one?

It hadn't surprised me, the lengths at which I would go to keep my existence from ever running out of hers. I knew that within hours, possibly, she would be deciding to leave Forks behind to live with her mother. But that wouldn't take her out of my existence, not truly—because I would know that she was alive.

I would make sure that she was alive. And when she grew old and died, I would follow her.

The decision came out of nowhere, but the instant I thought it I knew it was true. It was right. I would do it. Because an existence without her living—if not with me, then somewhere in the universe—well, that would be nothing. It would be meaningless. Even if she were living out her life with someone else, my existence would be worth it.

Of course the thought of her _living_—not beating heart and working lungs, but having a job, a marriage, children—made my heart ache. My organs had not worked for decades, but my heart still managed to hurt. It was a phantom feeling of constricted motion in my chest, and somehow it managed to hurt.

My eyes memorized her face, in preparation of her departure. I would never forget how she looked, broken and wounded because of me. All because of me—James had said it himself, in the video. He had wanted me to come after him. Killing Bella was just a way to hurt me. He hadn't even cared that she was a living, breathing human. To him, she was nothing more than an interesting meal that would get another predator of his kind to come running for a fight.

This was my fault. I had defended Bella in the meadow, and interested James in the chance to hunt her down. Somewhere along the line, he turned it into a way to get at me. Perhaps it was even grander than that. He might have been irritated with my family for taking Alice in, angry that she had escaped him and was now here, with a large group of her kind. And he had taken that anger out on Bella: weak prey that he could catch in a way that he hadn't been able to, with Alice.

Either way, it was my fault, because if she hadn't been there then he wouldn't have focused on her. Something had hidden his thoughts of Alice during the confrontation in the meadow. I had a feeling it was just that he was more concerned with being around a larger group of vampires, and that he'd fully realized who she was a little later.

I sighed again, my hand falling away from Bella's hair. My eyes flicked to the clock on the wall, then back to her face. Her mother's plane was landing in an hour.

My time with her was slowly running down. And this time, I couldn't 'save' her from it.

* * *

**A/N—Yes, you hate me, I know, but… To Be Continued…**

**(I'll try to write more as soon as I possibly can, I swear: you probably won't have to wait 2 months for an update this time).**

**Thanks for reading!**


	39. An Impasse

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N—Thank you, bitten1989, for the beta-read! :) **

**I got this chapter up faster, didn't I? :D **

**This time, I thought you would all appreciate the irony of knowing what song I listened to for writing this chapter. "**_**You're A God"**_** by Vertical Horizon. Oh yeah, I went there. :) **

**Enjoy the chapter! **

* * *

**Chapter Forty: An Impasse **

On first impression, Bella's mother struck me as an overgrown child.

She was motherly enough, however. Concerned for her daughter, and absolutely bubbling over with anxiety, she came barreling down the hallway towards Carlisle for information. He was barely able to sooth her with his words, and I caught him momentarily wishing that Jasper were there to help. Renee greeted me warmly, and thanked us for being there for her daughter. She acted as any mother would.

And yet, sprinting down the hallway, she gave the impression of a young child running to an authority figure for help rather than an adult demanding to know about her own child. Her fear and concern was limited; her trust placed entirely in Carlisle's words. She found it in herself to smile at Alice. Alice, who was, somehow, managing to be her usual perky self, even though the past day's strain was still evident on her face. Renee allowed my father to lead her to Bella's room—and, technically, to me.

Her fascinated eyes were wide as she stared up at me in awe. I could hear everything she thought the same way I heard Emmett—as if her mind were a shallow pool. She was amazed by the unearthly beauty of my family, and shocked that I was the boy who had chased after her daughter. She hugged me before passing into her daughter's room, and I noticed that Bella seemed to have inherited her mother's scent—the smell of freesia wafted in the air around Renee as well, but there was something…missing. A hidden undertone in the aroma, one that made Bella's nearly irresistible to me, was absent from Renee's.

Despite her awe, she didn't fully approve of me. I could tell from her thoughts that there were only a few trivial issues that held her back from fully supporting Bella's relationship with me. My presence in Bella's life had led to her dramatic and ill-timed run back to Phoenix. And she was unconsciously jealous of my persistent presence in Bella's room—I rarely ventured out, only to pretend to make trips to the restroom. She didn't see me eat once, but mentally excused this fact by assuming my family brought me food during her trips to the small cafeteria.

Surprisingly, she didn't harbor any resentment to me for being her daughter's first boyfriend—as a matter of fact, she was enthusiastic that her daughter had entered the dating world. She recalled Bella as a child, and I enjoyed the snapshot images of the confident, sure-of-herself young girl that I saw in Renee's mind. Renee seemed to believe that her daughter was perfectly capable of taking care of herself—a concept I rarely encountered in the minds of parents. Most parents believed that their children were still not ready to be on their own when they left for college.

Yet, no matter how mature she thought Bella was, that didn't change her love, or her desire to have her family all together.

One thing that I hated hearing from her mind was the certainty that Bella was going to love Florida. Phil, the minor-league baseball player, had found a spot on a team there. The couple was moving to Florida, and Renee expected Bella to come live with them. I felt like grimacing whenever she looked at me—even my sharp vampire mind could not fathom how hurt I would be when Bella moved.

Surprisingly, that thought was in Renee's head, too. She was amazingly perceptive despite her childlike impression—she knew within the first twenty minutes of talking to me that I was head over heels for Bella. I could hear her put the pieces of the puzzle together so easily in her head.

_He loves her. Oh, dear, I hope that he'll be all right. I'm sure that Bella will want to come to Florida. I hate the thought of anyone heartbroken. But he's still young, he'll move on…_

My lips pressed together tightly as I recalled those words. If only she knew how "young" I really was, or that I could no sooner stop loving Bella than I could stop gravity.

Vampires weren't like humans, and I was certainly not anything like a mere human boy. My entire existence had been wrought with loneliness—although I hadn't realized it at the time—and I did not desire to revert back to my old form. I liked my new self, and I loved Bella. And I could not go back to how I used to be.

Of course, I couldn't possibly explain that to Renee. She wouldn't understand, and it was against the law. For Bella to know the truth was truly dangerous for her, and for my family, but I was confident that there was no reason or way for the Volturi to discover that she even existed. And I would protect her if, somehow, they should find out about her.

Even if she was in Florida when they found her.

She could be halfway across the world, and I would know—with Alice's probable willingness to help—if she were in danger from them. I would make sure she was safe. The ticking clock on the wall served as a constant reminder of the precious little time I had left with Bella—it felt like we had mere seconds until she would disappear with her mother to a different, sunnier state—and I found myself firmly deciding to keep this resolution of mine.

No matter where she was—even if I was no longer a part of her life—I would protect her.

* * *

The longest days of my life were spent waiting for Bella to wake from unconsciousness. Carlisle said she was healing well and that she should wake soon. I was beyond anxious; although, due to my multiple medical degrees, I knew that he spoke the truth.

Renee and I spent nights at the hospital—me in a recliner at the foot of Bella's bed, pretending to sleep, and Renee on a little cot that was pulled into the room. The staff only let me stay for the night because of Carlisle's influence and Renee's permission. I had expected her to say no, but her perception of my love for her daughter somehow made her feel that it was perfectly all right for me to stay.

At the moment, Renee was out of the room for lunch, accompanied by Alice. Emmett and Jasper had returned home after Renee and Phil had arrived, taking a plane back to Washington. Emmett hadn't met Bella's parents; he had gone ahead to buy plane tickets and wait for Jasper to meet him at the airport. They were already back in Forks, waiting for us with Rosalie and Esme. Carlisle was speaking in medical jargon to other doctors in the hospital, comparing notes on how to treat patients and other various topics of his professional nature.

And so, I was the only one present when Bella awoke.

I could see her eyelashes fluttering as she slowly came to consciousness. I sat up in my seat, knowing that she might be confused and dazed, probably not clear-headed enough to speak. It depended on her body… and her mind. If she wasn't ready, mentally, to face the trauma of James' attack, then Carlisle and I presumed she would be bemused upon waking.

Her eyes opened, and she found herself staring up at the ceiling. She blinked slowly, not yet noticing me in the outer range of her peripheral vision. I was sitting in the chair that was constantly at the side of her bed, the one that either Renee or I nearly always occupied. My chin rested on the pillow beside her head—despite my thirst after so long without hunting, despite the strength of her scent—and she didn't notice that at first, either.

Slowly, she reached her hand up to her face. I realized her intent an instant before she reached her face. "No, you don't," I said, catching her hand to keep her from removing the tubes.

Her eyes widened. "Edward?" She turned her head slightly, seeing my face resting so close to hers. Her eyes filled with distress, and a shy shame. "Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry!"

"Shhhh," I murmured. Yes, she had been in the wrong, but she had acted out of love and a misplaced protectiveness. I couldn't fault her for that. Additionally, I had a feeling she was still a little traumatized by the encounter with James: she shouldn't be concerned with apologizing to me at this moment. "Everything's all right now."

"What happened?"

The question made my cold, stone heart ache. She obviously didn't recall everything yet—possibly a symptom of trauma—but I knew I would never forget the pain and panic of those hours. It was burned into my mind so solidly that it hurt. "I was almost too late. I could have been too late."

She swallowed once, her eyes sad. "I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom."

"He tricked us all," I comforted her.

"I need to call Charlie and my mom." She obviously didn't realize how long she had been unconscious.

"Alice called them," I told her. "Renee is here—well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now."

"She's here?" Bella tried to sit up, but I pushed her back to the pillows. She would start to feel the pain if she did, and I could tell that she was dizzy from the look in her eyes.

"She'll be back soon," I promised. "You need to stay still." Perhaps even go back to sleep, rest, recuperate. Let her body heal.

Bella insisted on pursing answers. "But what did you tell her? Why did you tell her I'm here?"

I told her the lie we had fabricated. "You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window." A joke seemed appropriate right then, something to lighten the mood. Remembering how she'd really gotten hurt was going to pull up all the twisted emotions I'd rather not let her see. "You have to admit, it could happen."

She sighed, and I caught the tremor that indicated she had felt the pain of that slight movement. My own body ached for her pain. Her eyes were fixed on her own body now, especially the heavily casted leg. "How bad am I?"

I rattled off her injuries—they were burned into my head, too. "You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions." I couldn't help adding something of personal interest to me, feeling the need to talk to her so much after her long two days of unconsciousness. "I didn't like it—it made you smell all wrong for a while."

"That must have been a nice change for you," she commented.

It hadn't. "No, I like how _you_ smell." I had been greatly relieved when her blood had become dominant once more, erasing the strange perfume of the foreign blood. It was difficult to control my lust for her blood, of course, but it was _Bella's_ scent. Nothing could replace that and feel right.

"How did you do it?" Her question was vague, but, given the subject we were on, I somehow knew what she meant.

I gently lifted her hand, wrapped in gauze. "I'm not sure." I couldn't look at her as I stared at the bandaged skin, remembering. Remembering the difficulty, the agony, the absolute necessity that it be done, and the terror I felt… "It was impossible…to stop. Impossible." My whisper was probably barely audible to her ears. "But I did." I looked up, meeting her eyes with a half-hearted smile. "I _must_ love you." It was so hard to stop that it was probably a miracle I had.

Her eyes were gentle, not judgmental or unkind. I hadn't really expected anything else—after all, I had saved her by biting her. Of course she was happy about that, about me stopping the fire of the venom. "Don't I taste as good as I smell?" she teased.

"Even better—better than I'd imagined." It felt strange to be so up-front with her about that particular information.

"I'm sorry."

I raised an eyebrow. Would she never cease to amaze me? "Of all the things to apologize for." She _would_ pick one she had absolutely no control over, wouldn't she?

"What _should _I apologize for?" There was only one answer to that.

"For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever."

She grimaced. "I'm sorry."

"I know why you did it," I told her, trying to soothe her fears and dispel her need to apologize. "It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me."

"You wouldn't have let me go," she replied simply.

"No," I agreed, knowing, of course, that she was right. I wouldn't have let her go anywhere near him. "I wouldn't."

Bella's forehead creased for a moment as she thought, then she shuddered, immediately wincing in pain. I was confused by her actions, concerned. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"What happened to James?"

Of course—she had been in pain, and lost a lot of blood. She probably didn't remember James' death, in the background, behind the pain of the venom in her hand. "After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him." I did regret not having been able to do that myself, however.

"I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there," she said with a small frown of confusion.

"They had to leave the room…there was a lot of blood." I was proud of my brothers, for they had held their breaths and left as soon as they could. Carlisle had already privately spoken to them about their successful strength in the face of quite a lot of exposed blood.

"But you stayed," Bella murmured.

"Yes, I stayed."

"And Alice, and Carlisle…" Her tone was that of wonder and bemusement.

My answer was simple. "They love you, too, you know."

Bella frowned anxiously. "Did Alice see the tape?"

And, just like that, my anger simmered back to lie just under the surface. "Yes."

"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember."

Bella seemed to be focusing on the good this had done to Alice, not on what else James had done when the camera played. "I know. She understands now." I was happy for my sister, too—as much as I could be in this situation—but it was still too fresh, too much. And I absolutely _hated_ James…

Bella made a movement, then stopped and glanced down at her hand. "Ugh." She winced.

"What is it?" I wasn't completely free of my fury, but several things kept me in check. One was Bella's presence, and knowing that losing my temper around her meant possibly hurting her. I couldn't afford to let my anger loose without an outlet, and so I had to push it back and concentrate elsewhere.

"Needles," Bella's simple explanation, allowed me to find distraction.

"Afraid of a needle," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An _IV_, on the other hand…"

She rolled her eyes. Then she asked, "Why are _you_ here?"

Why was I _here_? Where _else_ would I _be_? She was hurt; she had gotten herself wounded by running to face a vampire whom she'd never have met if not for my interference in her life. Why would I be _anywhere_ else but at her side? I was confused, and then hurt by her question. Was it that…she didn't _want_ me here? "Do you want me to leave?

"No!" Her eyes widened, bewildered. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you're here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back."

Ah. That made complete sense, and I felt rather foolish for having thought anything different. "Oh. I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you, to convince you to come back to Forks." Which I wouldn't be doing, because she had to go…she had to be safe… I widened my eyes, trying to play innocent—trying not to let her see the pain in my eyes at the very idea of her departure.

The rest of the made-up story rolled easily off my tongue. "You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice—of course I was here with parental supervision—but you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and…well, you know the rest. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

She contemplated that for a moment. "There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows." I felt confident enough in reading her to believe that she was simply concerned that the lie would be discovered.

"Not really." That was another part she had missed, due to her unconsciousness. "Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence." She had actually enjoyed it, although she'd kept that fact hidden from me at the time because of my overwhelming concern for Bella's well being. "It's all been taken care of very convincingly—you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to. You have nothing to worry about," I added, stroking her cheek gently. "Your only job now is to heal."

My touch made the heart monitor jump erratically, and she blushed crimson at the sound. "That's going to be embarrassing," she muttered.

I chuckled, amused by the reaction. I'd always heard her heartbeat change patterns whenever I touched her, but it was different on the monitor. I wondered what her heart would sound like from the monitor if I kissed her. "Hmm, I wonder…"

I leaned in, slowly and taking care not to touch her. The beeping accelerated before my lips made contact with hers.

Then it stopped.

Frantic, I pulled back—had I made a mistake? Had I _killed_ her, thinking I wasn't applying too much pressure? I was so relieved when the beeps started back up again, showing that her heart was, indeed, beating. That was certainly not healthy for her. "It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." I frowned. I liked kissing her…but that reaction was unacceptable.

"I was not finished kissing you," she complained. "Don't make me come over there." Well, she was in a hospital. If anything went wrong with her heart… Grinning, I complied with her wishes. I knew I could be gentle enough not to hurt her, and this time the monitor showed only an increased heart rate—not a complete stoppage of the most important organ in her body.

_...was a delicious sandwich, but I wish that Bella were awake to enjoy one, too. I know that she loves…_

I pulled away, breaking our kiss. "I think I hear your mother," I told her, forcing myself to grin. And here I'd thought I had some time with her: I couldn't believe that my happy moments left with Bella were growing so short. When her mother mentioned her move—which would be soon, as she was excited about Bella coming to live with her in Florida—the amount of time I had left with her would become dependent on how long she stayed in the hospital. Renee was toying with the idea of having Bella transferred to a hospital in Florida, of continuing her recovery there…

"Don't leave me." Her cry was slightly desperate, tinged with panic.

I was startled by the fear in her eyes. It took me a millisecond to realize that she probably felt the effects of James' attack—she didn't want to be alone because of that fear, I guessed. What surprised me was that she connected me to safety. It was what I wanted to give her, but I was also realistic: I was the biggest threat to her safety.

But I wasn't about to argue, and neither was I about to leave her. Not if she wanted me here, "I won't," I told her solemnly, to reassure her. With a teasing air, to try and make her feel better, I smiled. "I'll take a nap."

Settling into the recliner, I leaned it all the way back and closed my eyes, imitating sleep. "Don't forget to breathe," I heard Bella whisper, sarcasm heavy in her tone. I took an exaggerated, deep breath in response.

Renee was outside, talking to a nurse about the earlier reactions of Bella's heart monitor. The nurse was assuring her that it was probably some kind of technical malfunction, because Bella's heartbeat was fine now—the monitors at a nurse's station down the hall showed no alerts for Bella's room. But I could tell that the nurse would send someone to check on it as soon as there was an available person to come. She had to stay there in case another room had an emergency.

Soon enough, she left the nurse alone and I heard the door open. Her scent wafted gently in. "Mom!" Bella whispered.

Through her mind, I saw that Renee's eyes drifted to me. _And of course, there he is again. _"He never leaves, does he?" she mumbled. _Oh, how much he loves her. I feel sorry for wanting Bella to come home._

Bella, ignorant of her mother's thoughts, was enthusiastic in greeting her mother. "Mom, I'm so glad to see you!"

I heard rustling movements, a tearful voice. "Bella, I was so upset!" _I had no idea if she was going to be all right. I was so worried about her. _

"I'm sorry, Mom. But everything's fine now, it's okay." That, I found odd but consistent with what I understood of Bella's relationship with her mother. She was comforting her mother, when she was the one lying in a hospital bed. And her mother was actually soothed by her daughter's comforting.

_I can't believe how much I needed her, when she was unconscious. _"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." _My Bella, always so grown up. _

"How long have they been closed?" I hadn't told her that… I grimaced before smoothing my face out.

"It's Friday, hon, you've been out for a while." _I can't believe how long it took for her to wake up. I was so worried that she wouldn't. _

"Friday?" She was so shocked.

"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey—you've got a lot of injuries." _She might be hurting—not now, I'd see. But she probably will after a while._

"I know."

"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man…very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor…" _He's definitely not like any doctor I've ever seen. Or met. He's a wonderful man, but so different._

"You met Carlisle?"

"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl." _Nice. Polite. Happy. I'm glad Bella's made such a good friend. _

"She is." Bella put feeling into the words.

_As long as we're on the subject of her friends, I think this is as good a time as ever to bring him up. _I saw myself in her mind, looking oddly still in my 'sleep'. "You didn't tell me you had such good friends in Forks."

Bella moaned. I thought it was her reaction, at first, but then Renee was thinking and speaking. "What hurts?" _That tiny movement caused her pain? Oh, my poor baby girl. Why did she cringe? _My eyes flew open, taking a chance of catching a glimpse of her.

Bella's eyes flickered briefly to me. "It's fine. I just have to remember not to move." She was okay. She'd be fine… I closed my eyes, resuming my 'sleep'. Bella seemed to take advantage of the opportunity to move the subject away from…well, me. "Where's Phil?"

"Florida—oh, Bella! You'll never guess!" _Phil got signed to a team! We can stay in Florida!_ "Just when we were about to leave, the best news!" The best news for her…and the worst, most heart-wrenching news for me. Here it came…

Bella, of course, guessed right away. "Phil got signed?"

"Yes! How did you guess! The Suns, can you believe it?" _Oh, it was the answer to our prayers! I'm so happy for him, and I can't wait to have my Bella back in the house with us!_

"That's great, Mom." There was enthusiasm in her voice, and I felt my dead heart sinking into my stomach. I wanted to be happy for her—she was happy about this revelation, after all, and I should be happy for her—but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop my pain.

"And you'll like Jacksonville so much," Renee continued, gushing to her daughter. "I was a little bit worried when Phil started talking about Akron, what with the snow and everything, because you know how I hate the cold, but now Jacksonville! It's always sunny, and the humidity really isn't _that_ bad. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and it's just a few minutes from the ocean, and you'll have your own bathroom—"

"Wait, Mom! What are you talking about?"

I pressed my lips together. Did Bella truly not realize what her mother was saying? Or was she so happy that she was taken aback?

"I'm not going to Florida. I live in Forks."

…Wait. What?

_What? No, she's just confused. _"But you don't have to anymore, silly," Renee laughed. "Phil will be able to be around so much more now…we've talked about it a lot, and what I'm going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him."

"Mom." There was a hesitation in her words, and I found myself leaning towards her, desperate to hear what she was going to say. The hope was almost painful. I didn't dare admit my hope to myself… "I _want _to live in Forks."

And there it was. My unspoken hope, realized… I could barely wrap my mind around it.

"I'm already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends,"—an image of myself flashed in Renee's mind—"and Charlie needs me. He's just all alone up there, and he can't cook _at all_."

I didn't know who was more stunned—me or Renee.

"You want to stay in Forks?" _What in the world? What is she talking about? Is he a part of it?_ I saw myself again. "Why?"

"I told you—school, Charlie—ouch!"

I winced in sympathy, but I was trying to wrap my head around Bella's words. It wasn't easy, but the hope that had sprung up in my chest—hidden under all the negativity and my very real fears—was causing a sensation unlike any other.

Oh, my poor baby. She's so hurt. Her forehead's not bruised; I can touch that. What brought this love of Forks on? "Bella, honey, you hate Forks."

"It's not so bad."

She wanted to stay…It was an immense struggle for me not to smile widely, as I abruptly grasped that Bella wasn't leaving. For nearly a week I had been operating under the assumption that she would be leaving, and now, all of a sudden, she wasn't. She wanted to stay in Forks. I was conflicted, for I knew it was the wrong decision for her to make, but I couldn't help being thrilled that she…well, at the thought that she wanted to stay.

Her mother's thoughts drew me back into the conversation. _I knew that he loved her, but does she know? Does Bella love him back? I can't tell; she's too hurt for me to be able to read her like I usually can, but if she wants to stay in Forks there must be a reason._ "Is it this boy?" she whispered.

I knew that Bella had to be utterly embarrassed. "He's part of it," she admitted. "So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?"

"Yes." _Should I tell her? Maybe she wouldn't be pleased to know. Maybe she already knows. But I can't sit on this knowledge._ "And I want to talk to you about that."

"What about?"

"I think that boy is in love with you." _I'm almost sure of it, but I'd need to see them together when she was awake and fully conscious_.

Bella's reply made me smile. "I think so, too."

"And how do you feel about him?" _Did she go up to a town at the far edge of nowhere and find love? It sounds like a romance novel. But this is my daughter! I have to know._

I heard her sigh, and I struggled to keep my face blank. I already knew, but I was curious to see how she'd explain this to her mother. "I'm pretty crazy about him."

_Well, that just sounds like a teenager with her first boyfriend. That's exactly what she is, but I know my daughter is capable of deeper feelings than that. _"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking, but you're so young, Bella…" _In this category, at least, if she doesn't feel as strongly for him as he does for her_.

"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. It's just a crush."

_Well, he must be aware of that. By now, he's got to: Bella isn't one for subtlety with her emotions_. "That's right." _Then I suppose I'll just hope he doesn't end up heartbroken, thinking that she could have come to love him more…Oh, I sound like a romance novel_.

I wanted to laugh. By trying to soothe her mother's worries, she had downplayed the depth of her affection. And, ironically, Renee wanted to hear that Bella felt strongly for me. I knew, however, that revealing that to Bella was probably not the best move: she most likely wouldn't believe me, and she certainly didn't need to worry about it.

Then Renee sighed. _Phil is going to call, and I want to tell him about Bella's insistence on staying in Forks…_

"Do you need to go?" That was my perceptive Bella.

"Phil's supposed to call in a little while…I didn't know you were going to wake up…" _I feel so guilty. If only she had woken up sooner, or later—no, sooner would have been preferable_.

"No problem, Mom. I won't be alone."

_And that would be any other mother's main concern. My daughter is quite a special case_. "I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here, you know."

"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at home—I'll never notice."

_If only I could keep it at that—but I could never lie to her_. "I was too nervous." Her voice was sheepish. "There's been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don't like being there alone." I had to stifle another grin—I remembered when that had first come up in conversation between Renee and I.

"Crime?" Bella sounded surprised, alarmed.

"Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground—there's nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?" _It's so scary to think that's what our old neighborhood is coming to. _

"I remember." I wished that Renee hadn't asked Bella that. The studio was fresh in her mind…

_Every time she moves even a little bit, she hurts._ "I can stay, baby, if you need me."

"No, Mom, I'll be fine. Edward will be with me."

_Well, I know that, but I just don't know. I don't want either of them to hurt, if they have put different levels of commitment into their relationship. But I can't tell her that._ "I'll be back tonight." _I can't interfere too much with her life, but I can do a little. He's a nice boy; he doesn't deserve heartache—unless he dishes it out to my daughter. Then I'll kill him myself._ I wanted to laugh at that one.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Bella. Try to be more careful when you walk, honey, I don't want to lose you." _If I could make her wear bubble-wrap whenever she went out—but knowing my Bella, she'd find a way to suffocate herself with the plastic_.

I couldn't stop the grin that time, but I pulled my face back into place as quickly as I could. Renee left the room, thinking about her husband, just as a nurse entered the room, skirting past her. The nurse watching the monitors that were hooked to each room had sent this nurse to check on Bella. She checked wires and tubes, then the heart monitor readout. "Are you feeling anxious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there." _Abnormally high—probably stress. Considering she's finally awake and so injured, she's got to remember some of what happened_.

"I'm fine," Bella reassured her.

"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute." _And this poor girl probably needs some pain relievers._ The nurse disappeared out the door.

I sat up, moving instantly to her side. Bella raised an eyebrow at me. "You stole a car?"

I smiled. "It was a good car, very fast."

"How was your nap?" she asked.

"Interesting." I could still hardly believe that she wanted to return to Forks. After spending such a long time convinced that she would go back to the warmer climate of Phoenix, and then Florida, I was struggling to realize that my fear and expectancy was not set in motion.

"What?" She was too perceptive for her own good. She had noticed something was bothering me.

I couldn't look her in the eyes as I told her. "I'm surprised. I thought Florida…and your mother…well, I thought that's what you would want." I had been sure of it. But Bella always did surprise me, didn't she?

She blinked at me, not understanding. "But you'd be stuck inside all day in Florida. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."

I was surprised that she'd thought that far into it. She expected me to come with her? I was touched that she loved me that much, to automatically assume that I would stay with her. I probably would have, because the idea of being separated from her was like being stabbed with a knife. Well, like a human being stabbed with a knife. But logically, what I knew was the better choice… "I would stay in Forks, Bella. Or somewhere like it. Someplace where I couldn't hurt you anymore."

A long few seconds passed as she processed this. She stared blankly, and blinked. And slowly, her heart rate began to increase again. It took me a second to realize that she was starting to near hyperventilation. I stared, confused at her reaction, before I realized that the pain must have been getting worse. The medicine had to be wearing off. I would have called for the nurse, but the RN was already coming, and so I watched and waited—wary of the pain, concerned for her health.

The nurse walked into the room and took one look at Bella. "Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" _She looks like she needs some bad_.

"No, no. I don't need anything." What? She was obviously hurting, obviously in pain. Of course she needed medicine—

But she had been fine one second, then in agony the next. I knew that wasn't really how a lack of medicine worked…

No, she'd reacted after I revealed my side of the hypothetical future.

I felt like sighing aloud, but restrained myself. As if the irregular heartbeat when I touched her wasn't enough…

"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." _She must need medicine, but is too stubborn with him here. Well, maybe he can convince her or something._ "Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready." _And he had better not be encouraging her to refuse. _

As soon as the nurse was gone, I moved again. I was almost positive that I had—stupidly—caused this reaction from her. Cupping her face in my hands, I tried to soothe her. "Shhh, Bella, calm down."

"Don't leave me," she whispered, her voice broken.

"I won't," I promised her, knowing that I couldn't tell her what I believed would be better for her. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you." I couldn't handle her panic. I hated seeing her like this…I loved her, and she knew it, but I could see that we had to talk about this. Her heart wasn't slowing. "Bella. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

"Do you swear you won't leave me?" she whispered, her eyes almost…haunted. Perhaps this extreme reaction was because of the torture she'd lived through. The need to have me here might be a coping mechanism… Well, if it were just that instead of more, even then I wouldn't be able to deny her.

But I pulled her face closer to mine, eyes wide and full of sincerity. I spoke the truth as I promised her that I wouldn't leave, not for her own safety. "I swear." It was a ridiculous promise, knowing what would keep her safe. I was obligated to fulfill that vow to myself, but I needed to say it for her. At least for now, she needed to know what I was willing to swear to her.

I could hear her breathing slowing, her heart calming. I held her gaze, hoping that a 'dazzling' effect was taking place to help her calm down. Her stiff body slowly relaxed, and her heart rate returned to normal. "Better?" I finally asked.

"Yes," she replied cautiously.

I shook my head, muttering to myself, "Only you would have such a strong overreaction."

"Why did you say that?" she whispered, seeming to have found her voice. There was an aching pain in her eyes, one that caused me to feel guilty. "Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?"

Ah—so this also stemmed from self-consciousness. That made me feel worse. "No, I don't want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either—if it weren't for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger…that I'm the reason that you're here." Hooked up to tubes and monitors and in pain…

"Yes, you are the reason," she agreed. "The reason I'm here—alive." No, she was twisting it.

"Barely," I told her. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."

"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience. I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick." Of course. She would think of the van, and the incident in Port Angeles as her evidence… "If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery."

The image made me wince. It was true that I had saved her from other dangers, dangers that I had no hand in orchestrating. Would she stubbornly refuse to understand how much of a danger I was to her? Saving her from James' bite, from the venom, had placed her in incredible danger—the least of which was losing more blood from her already weakened, bleeding body.

"That's not the worst part, though," I found myself confessing. She just had to understand. "Not seeing you there on the floor…crumpled and broken. Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling…knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't." So stubborn…

"I could have. So easily." And that was the plain and simple truth, even if she didn't want to hear it. Every day, every second…just one instant of distraction, one little mistake, and I could kill her. That was why she should leave, why she should go with her mother and be happy somewhere else…

"Promise me."

I blinked, not understanding. "What?"

"You know what." It clicked, immediately.

If she was staying in Forks, then I knew ignoring her would be utterly impossible. Besides which, I guiltily did not want to leave her alone. "I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way…whether it kills you or not." It killed me to tell her that I'd made the choice—the wrong choice for her health and safety.

But I couldn't promise her any more, when I knew that if she were placed in danger again, I would do whatever it took to give her safety. _Whatever it took_…

"Good." She thought for a second, then said, "You told me _how_ you stopped…now I want to know why."

"Why?" Why wouldn't I have? Did she think I would have left her in pain? She surely couldn't know what might have happened if I hadn't removed the venom, but there was something in her voice…

"Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."

My anger welled up instantly, consuming me so that I barely kept myself in check. She did know. But how? I could only think of Alice. Alice, that little…

Bella interrupted my mental cursing. "I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships. But it just seems logical…a man and woman have to be somewhat equal…as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

One thing I was certain of: Bella had no idea what she was really asking me for. And I was sure that she had little fears and worries bound into the certainty of her decision. "You have saved me," I told her quietly. She didn't need to be a vampire to do that: she had saved me from loneliness, from sadness, from the utter boredom and monotony of my existence. Just by being Bella, she had saved me.

"I can't always be Lois Lane," she argued. "I want to be Superman, too."

"You don't know what you're asking." I couldn't look at her as I told her the truth. I couldn't let her see the guilt, buried under the fear. I'd think about it later. I had to push it away for now.

"I think I do."

"Bella, you _don't_ know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure." I'm not sure if I would have wanted to die of the influenza, or lived out a normal life. Despite the memories I had made with my family, I was still certain I led a cursed existence.

"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?" She looked sad, concerned for me.

I had to lie through my teeth a little. "No, I don't wish that." Not all the time, only sometimes. When I really thought deeply about it… "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up." I was almost dead when Carlisle had changed me.

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." She said it so seriously…

She was young, and human on top of that. She would move on if she lost me. "I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you." I wouldn't take her soul. I wouldn't condemn her to this life, only for her to realize that her infatuation with me was not enough for eternity.

"Why not? Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago…anyway, after that, it should be nothing." No, she really did not understand.

But I couldn't begin explaining that to her. The argument would go in circles. I tried to cut it down. "The pain?"

She shuddered at that, but insisted, "That's my problem. I can handle it."

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity."

Bella's lips pressed together tightly. "It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal." I grimaced. She really did know too much about the change for her own good. I was going to kill Alice…

There was one more obstacle I hadn't thrown at her yet. "Charlie? Renee?"

She struggled to find words, seeming lost in her desire to answer my inquiry. I knew that my success was nearly secured—she would not win this argument now.

Her tone was unconvincing as she tried to sidestep the question. "Look, that's not an issue either. Renee has always made choices that work for her—she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."

"Exactly. And I won't end it for you."

"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!" she cried out. Now came the anger: she was frustrated that I wouldn't believe her.

This argument of hers, however, was weak. "You're going to recover."

She took a deep breath, reigning in the anger. Then she looked straight at me, saying, "No. I'm not."

I blinked, frowned, and hastened to reassure her. Was that what this was? Her certainty that she was dying, and therefore wanting to live—wanting to 'live' as a vampire? "Of course you are. You may have a scar or two…"

"You're wrong. I'm going to die."

My fear was irrational. I could hear the rhythm of her body, and I knew for a fact that she was healing even as we spoke. But irrationally, I wondered if she knew something I didn't. "Really, Bella. You'll be out of here in a few days. Two weeks at the most."

Now she glared. "I may not die now…but I'm going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I'm going to get old." Oh. That's what this was about.

And then I had to close my eyes. I knew that was coming. And I knew that I couldn't live without her—I'd already made that vow, somewhere along the line of falling in love with her— when she went, so would I. But that was neither here nor there: the point was now. "That's how it's supposed to happen," I told her softly. "How it should happen. How it would have happened if I didn't exist—and _I shouldn't exist_."

Bella snorted, and my eyes flew open in surprise at the sound. "That's stupid. That's like going to someone who's just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way.' And I'm not buying it."

She was so…stubborn. "I'm hardly a lottery prize."

"That's right. You're much better." Ridiculous.

I rolled my eyes. "Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well." There was a clear threat in her eyes that I understood right away. "You're not the only vampire I know."

I knew what she meant as soon as she said it. "Alice wouldn't dare." She may have seen it, she may want it, but she would not do it. She…she couldn't. I would make sure that she understood that.

Something shimmered in Bella's eyes, a brief moment of understanding, before she breathed, "Alice already saw it, didn't she? That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you…someday."

How could she put pieces of a puzzle together like that, so quickly? I shook my head, denying her the way I had been denying Alice for so long. "She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."

Bella scowled. "You'll never catch me betting against Alice."

I would have given anything for Alice to be wrong about those death visions when they happened. Alice had seen Bella die in the car crash, and bleed dry here in Phoenix. I had glimpsed in her mind, once or twice when she was with Renee, that she'd been seeing me kill Bella myself when I was saving her from the venom. She hadn't shared that vision with me at the time, and still hadn't said a word. Another secret…

For a few long minutes, we stared at one another. I was dimly aware the room was full of machine noises and Bella's heartbeat. It took me a long minute to realize that my face was stiff and unmoving, and that I should gentle my expression for Bella. She spoke once I did, probably having assumed that I was thinking or angry. Guilt lanced through me briefly.

"So where does that leave us?" Bella wondered out loud.

I chuckled darkly. "I believe it's called an _impasse_." How in the world did I manage to come to a stalemate in this particular argument with her? She was more stubborn than Rosalie.

She sighed. Then muttered, "Ouch."

"How are you feeling?" I asked. My eyes darted to the button that would call the nurse with pain medication.

"I'm fine." I could see that she was lying.

"I don't believe you."

"I'm not going back to sleep," she grumbled.

She needed to, however. "You need rest. All this arguing isn't good for you."

"So give in."

"Nice try." I couldn't help grinning a little at that, before pressing the button.

"No!" Her denial was in vain.

A speaker on the wall crackled slightly. "Yes?"

"I think we're ready for more pain medication." I ignored the daggers Bella was glaring at me.

"I'll send in the nurse," came the reply.

Stubborn to the end, Bella declared, "I won't take it."

My eyes flickered to the fluid pouch hanging over her bed. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything." It would be put in the IV.

Somehow, I'd forgotten her aversion to needles. Her heart rate began to climb again, and I sighed in frustration. "Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now."

"I'm not afraid of the needles," she mumbled, her eyes darting shyly away. "I'm afraid to close my eyes."

I smiled at her, trying to reassure, as I took her face in my hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here." Now if only I could make that the truth…I'd work at it, but it would be hard. I knew she'd be safer without me…

She smiled back. "You're talking about forever, you know."

"Oh, you'll get over it—it's just a crush." She didn't know how much of the truth I was probably spouting.

Bella shook her head anyway. "I was shocked when Renee swallowed that one. I know you know better."

"That's the beautiful thing about being human. Things change." More easily than they could for vampires, at any rate.

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath."

I was laughing when the nurse came in with a syringe. "Excuse me," she said. _Finally. He better have been convincing her she needed the pain medication. _

I crossed to the other side of the room, leaning against the wall to be out of her way. I watched Bella, arms folded, and her gaze stayed locked on mine. I kept a calm façade up, doing my best to soothe her without actually doing anything. I couldn't betray all the conflicting emotions inside of me.

"Here you go, honey. You'll feel better now." _Thank goodness. The poor girl has been through so much. I always love giving them pain medication. Makes me feel like I'm doing something useful around here, helping people. And it makes them feel better. I love doing that_. She was a kind soul.

"Thanks." Bella was less than enthusiastic. I watched as she slowly began to grow drowsy.

"That ought to do it," the nurse muttered as Bella slowly began to fall asleep. _This girl needs to rest. She better get a lot of sleep in, to get away from all those injuries. _

She left the room without really glancing at me—something else I was thankful for—and I moved back to Bella's side. She was dozing off, and I could tell that it would only be a few minutes before she was out.

When my fingers brushed her cheek, she mumbled, "Stay."

Since she couldn't see my face, my mask of calm was slipping. But my voice stayed strong. "I will. Like I said, as long as it makes you happy…as long as it's what's best for you."

"'S not the same thing."

I laughed. Didn't I know it… I kept my voice light, not wanting to stress her as she fell asleep. "Don't worry about that now, Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up."

Her lips curled up slightly. "'Kay."

She was holding on, I could tell. Leaning down, I leaned in close to her ear. "I love you." The whisper was soft, but audible.

"Me, too."

"I know." I laughed quietly. She did love me. At least…right now, she loved me. Like I'd said, humans changed more easily than vampires. But I was more than happy to hold her love close while I had it.

Her head tilted slightly in my direction, barely enough to signal that she sought something. From the slight purse of her lips, I guessed it and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. "Thanks," she sighed.

"Anytime." I meant that literally.

Bella was drifting off, but I could see that there was something else she was trying to get out. "Edward?" She had a bit of difficulty pronouncing my name correctly.

"Yes?" I asked, my fingers curling around a lock of her hair as I smoothed it against the pillow.

"I'm betting on Alice."

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**A/N—Two more chapters left in this story. **

**Thanks for reading. :) **


	40. Belonging

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

**A/N—I know that it has been a long time since I've updated, but I have news for you! ONE CHAPTER LEFT. That's right, ONE (plus a giant A/N with some extra stuff for all of you). **

**That being said, I have some other heartbreaking news. After a **_**lot**_** of serious deliberation with myself, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot continue with my rather too-ambitious plan to continue on with Edward's point of view into the remaining three stories. I simply do not have the time to continue throwing up long chapters like the ones in this story. And to be honest, the idea has been lessening in its appeal for a long time. This story has lost much of its appeal to me at many points, as well—leading to those long breaks between updates. **

**I'm sorry, all of you: I know that I said I would, but I simply can't. My muse will not stick with me for three more of these stories—we've already negotiated. However, I do have other ideas, so don't think I'm abandoning the Twilight universe on Fanfiction. But "HNE" is almost complete as well, and I have a two-story idea already set up and rolling. I have fics in other ficdoms that deserve my effort as well, and I simply cannot make myself write something when I have little to no interest in continuing, despite what my readers may want from me.**

**Anyway…I'll leave a tearful farewell in the final A/N of this story, but I will have other stories. I will be writing. :) I hope you aren't all too disappointed in me. **

**Also—I seem to have misplaced my beta. I'm not sure what the issue is—either it's Fanfiction or it's my computer (most likely my computer), but the PM and DocX systems would be strangled, drowned, shot, beaten up and set upon by a pack of werewolves and a coven of vampires if I had my way. So that's my explanation, **bitten1989**. Sorry! :( **

**Enjoy this chapter, everybody! **

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**Chapter Forty-One: Belonging**

The long days in Phoenix had finally drawn to a close, and my family and I had made our way back to Forks, Washington. Unfortunately for me, Charlie had traveled down to Phoenix specifically to pick her up. That was my cue to leave with my family.

There was nothing I could really do for Bella once her father was there. I'd told her I would see her at home, bade farewell to her father and headed off with Carlisle and Alice for the airport. I could tell that Charlie was glad I was leaving, and left mostly for his benefit. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have left Bella's side.

However, her father deserved time to speak to her on his own, without the mind-reading vampire listening in. She had hurt him, and no matter how necessary it was at the time, both he and she had to deal with the fallout of their parting. They both deserved that from one another.

The plane ride back home had a sense of calm, like the eye of a hurricane that was threatening to calm to a less threatening storm. I knew that danger was far from over, but the immediate threat was gone. The only looming threat was really the Volturi, and their threat hinged on their knowledge. If they didn't know about Bella, then she was nothing to them. She would be safe.

I intended for them never to know about her.

We arrived in Forks with much time to spare. Carlisle stayed home, while Alice volunteered to go with me to the school and pick up the work we had all missed during our days away. She made a point to think about what Bella would need from her classes.

That should have been my first clue. My second hint should have been that she was conjugating Spanish verbs in her head, complete with mental pictures of the letters. Alice enjoyed figuring out ways to get around my ability and hide things from me, but I was much less observant than I could have been. It completely escaped my notice that she was hiding something.

It wasn't until we were back in my car, folders of papers tossed into the backseat, that she decided to speak. I put the car in reverse and backed up, and the instant it was in 'drive' she spoke.

"If I ever see you doing that again, you won't have to worry about making plans." I wouldn't have understood her if she hadn't pulled up a memory of her vision. Me, in Italy, surrounded by black-robed vampires. It was sketchy, not very clear—the memory of a vision—but it was enough that I caught her train of thought almost immediately. Pressing my lips together, I debated my words—what could I say to make her understand?

I needn't have bothered.

"And don't you ever say that again, either." _I wanted to cry. I don't like that feeling one bit. _Her arms crossed over her chest, displaying her displeasure at my words.

"I understood your first concern—and don't worry, it won't happen. Everything turned out fine. But I'm not following your second comment." I didn't understand what she was talking about—I hadn't said anything…

She quoted me, verbatim. "'I shouldn't exist'." _I can't believe you said that. Wait—yes, I can._ I should have known that she would watch the conversation I had with Bella, when she had first woken up in the hospital.

"Alice…" I sighed, knowing where she was going with this.

"No. You don't get to skirt around the subject." She fixed me with an unhappy glare, which I didn't meet as I navigated the road. _What do you think we would feel? If you were to go kill yourself?_

"Moot point." I reminded her that I hadn't needed to go through with the threat. "And we weren't discussing that." I didn't want to defend what I felt, what I had wanted, when I wasn't sure if I could save Bella. I didn't need to tell her what I really thought about my necessity in my family.

_The same feelings are the basis for both. _"Answer my question," she pressed.

"It's not going to happen." I wasn't going to give into this. I knew what Alice would think if I told her the truth, and the only way she was going to hear it directly from me was if she guessed before I said anything. She really didn't need to worry about it…

"Humor me." Her thoughts betrayed her nonchalant words: there was a tone of deep sadness in her mind. _Do you really think we wouldn't care?_

"Of course not, Alice. I know you care." I would have to be blind and deaf not to know that my family cared for me. To know that they would be hurt if I left, or if I died… But in the moments that I thought about contingency plans, I hadn't considered their feelings. I had only thought of myself—selfishly, self-centeredly. That was who I was, and I knew it: I thought only of myself.

Alice, unknowing of the thoughts in my head, pouted. "Then why are you so indifferent to this?" _Our hurt is so insignificant to you?_ The concern that she felt towards me seemed unjustified, and I guiltily tried to squash the hurt that bloomed.

"No, no," I hastened to reassure her. "It's not that, Alice. Honestly. I know I would hurt you all." I could understand that now, even though I knew that I would have gone to Volterra without looking back if Bella had actually died.

"Then why?" _I believed you before, but not anymore._ Her words startled me.

I had known that my family believed me after a time, but I had thought that it was only after a short while. Alice's thoughts implied that she believed I was incapable of suicide the entire time—before coming to speak with me. "You believed me?" How had I missed those thoughts?

She had the air of the guilty confessing a crime. _I could see that it wasn't going to happen._ "I should have reassured them, but…I was afraid." _That I was missing something. That you just hadn't made up your mind._

There was more than words—there were images, ones that had been created through her imagination instead of through visions. There was so much emotion attached to the little snippets of fuzzy pillars of smoke that I understood what she felt. I grasped that she was hurting over the idea that anything like that ever could come to be. She had been afraid of it. "…I'm sorry. I never meant to…to cause any of you such distress."

She was so forgiving. "I know." _You did anyway, even if you didn't mean it._ "But I know you better than you think I do." The ominous words caught my attention fully, and I actually slowed the car by a few miles per hour.

My eyes darted to her face as I tried to calculate what she would say. "What do you mean?"

She had the grace to look slightly guilty, but there was a determination in her face that made me realize she meant to say it all. She meant to have it all out in this conversation. "I mean that I knew you considered it before." _Your little slip was more of a long-overdue confession._ "And I know that you seem to think little of yourself."

"Alice…" I sighed again.

She raised a hand in my direction. "Don't deny it." _Do you really think our family would be fine if you weren't with us?_

The unpredictability of the direction of our conversation caused me to speak without fully thinking through the implications of my answer. "I'm just one person. I'm not some integral, core part of the family."

"That's a yes." _Roundabout yes. Oh, God…_ From her mind, I could tell that she had expected this answer from me, but somehow she was still shocked.

I didn't see the use in sugarcoating it, or trying to dissuade her from her certainty. Why bother? I knew what I thought of myself, what I thought of my relationship with my family. "Why are you so surprised? You expected that answer."

"I thought that I was assuming too much." _You weren't supposed to prove me right. _Hope. She had hoped that her assumptions and conclusions would be proven wrong.

I knew that their confirmation only hurt her. She hadn't wanted to know that I really did think that my presence in our family was superfluous. "…I'm sorry, Alice. But surely it's obvious? I'm just me." I loved them, and I knew that they loved me—but they didn't need me.

Suddenly angry, a hiss slipped from between her lips. "How dare you." _Don't ever think you're replaceable or unnecessary._ "What would Carlisle have done without you?" she snapped out.

Rationally, calmly, I tried to answer, to explain myself. "Possibly found another companion, but most likely would have waited and found Esme, and been happy with her without my presence to trouble them." I knew that they hadn't truly needed me hanging around, when they were discovering their love for one another.

Alice seemed to anticipate that thought, and threw another one out. "Esme needed you as her child." _After losing her baby boy, she needed you to be a mother to—it helped her. _

But I wasn't her only child. "Rosalie could have been that to her first." And with the addition of my first sister came my first brother.

"Who would Emmett compete with?" _You're his brother, too,_ Alice reminded me. The playful competitiveness that I allowed occasionally with Emmett was one such brotherly interaction that I knew he needed. He was the type of roughhousing man that got his energy out through competition.

But I wasn't his sole provider of entertainment. "Jasper, of course."

She sniffed. "Who would Jasper have intellectual debates with?" _You two discuss philosophical beliefs all the time._

"Carlisle. Who else?" I replied. The two of us often went to Carlisle, not just to each other, when in search of intellectual debate.

Her voice dropped in volume. "Who would I have?" _Who would understand me? Be my big brother? _

It was easy to state my unimportance to the members of the family that Alice named off when they weren't there. Somehow, it was immensely harder to try and reason with Alice about my importance to her—because she could, and would, argue back. "You have Jasper. You have Emmett—and Rosalie as a sister, for that matter."

"And Carlisle and Esme as parents, I know." _Don't go that route with me._ "But who would understand me, Edward?" Her eyes shone brightly, begging me to understand her.

I found that I did understand her, all to well. But I had to try, to argue back. "Jasper does."

"To a point." _Because he loves me and I love him, and besides being the love of my life, we're also the absolute best of friends—but you're my best friend, too._ "You hear my thoughts. You understand in a way that no one—not even Jasper—really _can_."

My jaw clenched. She was too logical in this discussion. I wished for the upper hand. "Jasper understands—"

She interrupted me without effort. "Sometimes, I don't have to say a word. We have conversations without either of our mouths opening once—not in those nonverbal ways that you use with the rest of our family, _real_ conversations." _I love you as a brother, a best friend: as the one other person who truly and fully understands me._ "How can you be unimportant?"

Stubbornly, I repeated my thoughts. "I'm a superfluous presence in our household." Because they didn't need me: they had their mates, and they would have each other if I weren't there. They would be together.

She shook her head, her black hair flipping in front of her eyes. The look added to her forlorn expression and sad eyes. "Who are you trying to convince?" _It's not me, because you know my mind is made up._

There was no use arguing when she had talked me into a corner. "Maybe you have a point," I conceded with grunting effort. I didn't want to admit that she might have a point, but I couldn't deny Alice's sincerity when she was telling me that my presence in her life was important to her.

"Thank you." _For listening. Because now you'll consider it, won't you?_

There was no reason for me to lie. "I'll try." I couldn't guarantee that I would follow through with connecting the dots the way she wanted to, when I thought that they made so much more sense in a different pattern. But that was another impasse, another agree-to-disagree moment.

_That's all I can ask of you. Just, please, try your hardest. _"I don't want to lose you." Her voice was small as she admitted that so plainly. There had never been the need or chance for either of us to be so frank in our feelings towards one another, and I found that knowing my sister's love for me felt…unexpectedly pleasant.

It made me feel obligated to disclose my thoughts as well. I struggled to get the words out. "I'd rather not lose any of you, either." Why was it that I could say I loved Bella so bluntly, so blankly, and yet there was something making me almost nervous about confessing that I loved my family, as well?

Alice seemed to understand. _How emotional. _"I knew you loved us."

I laughed. "You ever doubted that?"

She shook her head, refusing to comment again, and slipped into a contented silence. I turned on the road that led through the trees to our house, having driven us almost all the way home throughout our conversation. She had timed the talk, made sure that nothing would slip to our family. I was grateful for her discretion: it meant that she wasn't going to betray my feelings to them.

Of course, I was sure that they would panic again if they found out what I was thinking half the time. They wouldn't like it at all. Alice was keeping it downplayed only for their sake, not for mine. If she had been sure that they could do anything to help she would have let them know. But sometimes, more people knowing didn't equate to more help given. This was one of those situations.

I pulled to a stop in the garage and got out, slinging my school backpack over my shoulder. Alice slung her large bag over her own shoulder, and followed me towards the house. We were halfway there before I realized that she was shielding her mind again, using the same tactic. That meant she had been waiting for me to notice, and I hadn't right away because I was just not paying attention.

Sighing, I asked, "What is it, Alice?"

"It's just…" _The conversation the two of you had in the hospital…_

I was confused, but only because I thought I had understood her motives. I thought that she was keeping what we had discussed from the family. Obviously, I was mistaken. They could hear every word we were saying. "We just went through that."

"No, not that part." _The part about the venom._ "About what she wants." _And your 'impasse'._

I immediately knew what she was talking about. I didn't want to answer her: I didn't want to discuss that situation.

"Alice…" I sighed for the third time that day.

She rolled her eyes. "Would you stop that? It's slightly irritating." _And I know you're avoiding the question again._

"Well, I didn't exactly hear a question. How can I answer one if I didn't hear it?" I hedged, trying to avoid an answer as I stepped lithely on the porch. Alice followed doggedly behind me.

The sound of feet interrupted us, and the front door opened. "I want to know the question." _Has Alice been ragging on him the whole time about something?_

"You don't need to know, Emmett," I sighed, sliding through the door around him. He let Alice and me in, interest in our conversation still raging strong in his mind. From the sounds of everyone's minds, I could tell that Rosalie was upstairs in her room. Jasper lounged with a book on the stairs, lifting his head with a lazy smile as Alice entered. Carlisle and Esme were seated on a couch, apparently having been carrying on a conversation. They looked up as we entered, smiling in a parental manner.

Alice threw the peaceful calm of the house out the window with one sentence. "Bella wants to be a vampire."_ They deserve to know, Edward. Don't scowl at me._

_Whoa. When did…_

_What? How does…_

_I can't believe…_

_I wasn't aware…_

She wants to…

Their thoughts bombarded my mind with an intensity and interest that made me wince and shut my eyes. Frustration at Alice welled briefly, and quickly dissipated with Jasper's influence. My chin tucked slightly towards my chest, I tried to think of something to say. Anything. And the first thought that came to my mind, sadly enough, was revenge. "I appreciate your tact, Alice," I snapped, my tone scathing.

_Why, thank you._ "It's the truth."

My mother stood up from the couch, her eyes wide from surprise. "When did this happen? How do you know?"_ She loves him that much? To stay with him forever? _

I wasn't about to let Alice explain. I wanted the full truth out, and I wasn't above manipulating the way it came out. "In the hospital, we talked. She knew that James had bitten her, that I had saved her…and she asked why I hadn't just let the venom spread."

Esme's eyes grew round with a mixture of horror and compassion. "She knew that much about the process?" _You were that truthful with her? _

My eyes flickered to Alice, who was suddenly interested in the wall. She could feel the weight of my angry gaze. "No. I didn't tell her that much."

I could have torn into Alice sooner and shared my opinion of her backstabbing information session with my Bella. I couldn't believe I had put it out of my mind for as long as I had. But she knew how I felt about the situation. It was much more suiting for her to face Esme's wrath than for her to face mine.

True to my expectations, she crossed her arms. Her eyes narrowed on Alice with disappointed sternness. "You knew Edward's feelings, his opinion. You knew that he didn't want you to tell her anything." _You know how much he loves her. What if telling her that sensitive of information could have scared her away? _

Sullen yet feeling justified, Alice replied, "I knew she wasn't going to be frightened." _She wanted to know._

Esme shook her head. "You see the future. You're not omniscient, by your own admission." _She could have reacted any number of ways. _

Alice gritted her teeth for a moment, then sighed. "Of this, I was absolutely certain." _She deserved to know._

Carlisle had joined us, standing beside his wife with crossed arms. He was gentle in his admonishment, but it meant that much more to me that he was on my side of this disagreement. "It still wasn't your decision to make." _Edward is involved with Bella. It should be up to him what information about our kind she knows. _

"Carlisle, I knew—"

He held up one hand, asking for her silence. She gave it, cutting herself off—a respectful gesture on her part. "Alice, I know that she's your friend." _That relationship is just as important as a romantic one._ "I know that you have the right to share with your friend. But that doesn't mean that you can disregard Edward's wishes any more than he should disregard yours." _You would do well to keep that in mind, too._ The thought came to me, and his eyes caught briefly on my face.

_She is Bella's friend. You can't deny her the right to talk to her own friend. Both of you should communicate more about things like this._ I nodded once, shortly, in understanding. He had a point, as loath as I was to admit it. Securing my acknowledgment, he continued, "I know that Edward has made his wishes very clear to you, Alice, but that doesn't mean you can go behind his back and reveal things that he does not wish you to."

Her chin jerked up stubbornly and a flare of resentment flashed in her eyes. "According to the unspoken rules of friendship, I have every right to." _In the female point of view, at least._

I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer. I took a step toward her as I growled, "You knew full well that I didn't want you to tell Bella anything like that. You shouldn't have told her, even if she's your friend." Out of the corner of my eye, I noted that Jasper was also an arms' length away. He didn't believe I would hurt her, but the urge to protect her from any danger was too strong.

Alice glared at me, unwilling to admit that she could have been wrong—that she shouldn't have acted on what she 'knew' should be done. _She deserved to know._ "As her friend, shouldn't I respect her wishes?"_ My friends deserve that from me, don't they? _

"And I'm not your friend, Alice?"

In my heart, I knew that she didn't mean it that way—not after our conversation in the car. Not after everything. But all the same, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut, and my mouth opened without my permission. It was one of those arguments that will destroy anything an opponent could say, and ends a disagreement definitively.

Her eyes widened, but I could see that she knew the damage was already done. Contrite, her hand flew to her mouth and she pressed her lips together tightly. _No, that's not what I meant. You know that, Edward. You know what I was saying. _

I was hurt, but I wasn't cruel. "I know." All the same…I looked away.

A strange silence fell between all of us, as the rippling consequences of the discussion shook through my family. It seemed that the small storm that had collected in our house was over now. I knew all that was left were the necessary concluding statements before members of the family began to trickle away.

Trying to distract myself, I focused on a strangely absent voice in the argument—Rosalie. I was sure that she'd have something to say about Bella's choice. To my surprise, she was keeping it to herself. I wasn't sure how long she would bite her tongue, but apparently she had decided that she should. I wasn't sure about her reasoning, but I suspected that she was biting her tongue and holding back on her feelings again. When she let go, she would explode. She tended to do that occasionally.

"So…" Emmett's voice broke the stillness. My eyes turned to him, taking in his curious expression. "She actually wants to be one of us?" _She wants to be a vampire? I never saw that one coming._

His thought was shared. My family couldn't fathom why anyone would willingly become a vampire. But they could also understand her motivation to stay with me, to an extent. I scowled at those remarks, hating the way they thought about Bella's desire. "She doesn't know what she's asking."

"I think she does." Alice crossed her arms, her direct gaze not quite focused on my face. _Bella understands more than you think she does. And not because I told her things, because she knows what she wants. She wants you. _

"Like I said: she doesn't fully understand." She didn't understand what it would really take to change into a vampire. What her life would really be like if she was what I was. What she would have to give up. What she would have to—well, not live with, but _exist_ with. She did not understand.

"Then you should tell her more, shouldn't you?" _If she had all the information, she would make an informed decision, wouldn't she? _

Alice's opinion would never change, but she seemed to understand that she should respect my wishes, too—as a friend. And I wasn't going to bend to what she thought was right. Not on this. "No. She is not going to be told any more than she already has." That was an order, and one that I directed to everyone in my family.

Unfortunately, Carlisle spoke up. "Why not?" My gaze locked on him, and I felt slightly betrayed. He shook his head. _Don't look at me like that, Edward. It's a reasonable question. _"As you said, she doesn't understand. Why not let her?"

I struggled to explain myself. "Because…" In the end, I opted for one of the many truths I had stored in my catalogue of reasons 'why'. "Because I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. And she has more choices, her whole life ahead of her. Who am I to take that away from her?"

He nodded, conceding that point. "Yet she seems to know what she wants." _The fact that she's not afraid of you says much of her commitment to you._

I shook my head, feeling an acid burn in the pit of my stomach. "She's young. She hasn't seen much of the world. She can't know what she wants yet." I now 'lived' with the fear that she would someday move on from me. Grow up, move on, and leave me behind…

A short silence fell before it broke. "But you know." Esme's face drew my gaze, the certainty in her eyes shining. "_You_ know what you want." _You can't deny it. Do you really think you can leave her behind?_

My lips pressed together. I had long since contemplated this option, knowing that there may come the day when I would have to leave. Either she would be in danger, or she would want something more than I could ever give her. And I thought that I would be able to. I answered truthfully. "I can if I must. If it's what she needs."

Esme's expression was slightly heartbroken. "Edward…"_ You can't mean that…_

Alice intervened. "It won't come to that." _I know it won't. There will be no reason to. _

I didn't bother arguing with her. If my family needed to believe that, then so be it. If I had to allow them to think I couldn't possibly leave her—when or if the time came—then so be it. And besides, there was something about Alice's confirmation. The knowledge that there were currently no disasters in Bella's future, that there was no danger that would merit me leaving…

It gave me a sense of peace.


	41. Epilogue: An Occasion

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga and am not Stephenie Meyer. **

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**Epilogue: An Occasion**

Bella was absolutely exquisite. As I helped her step into the car, I barely blinked—she was literally breathtaking in that dress, with her hair and lightly applied makeup transforming her into something exotic. I reminded myself to thank Alice for suggesting this little adventure in the first place. She had thought that Bella would enjoy a human experience with me.

I made an effort to ignore the angry set of my angel's mouth as I stepped around the car and entered the driver's side of the car.

She could be so stubborn. So ridiculously and exasperatingly stubborn that she made Rosalie look forgiving. Her clipped words only served to highlight her feelings. "At what point exactly are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I knew that she didn't like surprises—one of the many things she had shared with me over the course of our relationship—but I hadn't really anticipated how far she would take her displeasure. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but smile at her flushed cheeks and angry words. "I'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet."

She swallowed once, her eyes glazing just slightly before she cleared her vision. "I did mention that you looked very nice, didn't I?

I grinned. "Yes." She was having trouble focusing on her anger—the curiosity at our destination and purpose was more interesting.

She fell silent for a few short minutes before bringing up a new topic. "I'm not coming over anymore if Alice is going to treat me like Guinea Pig Barbie when I do." I smiled at that one: I loved my sister bonding with Bella, and if that was how she bonded… Well, I didn't really care. I always thought that Bella was gorgeous.

But I was a male. I much preferred Alice's sense of style, mainly because of the tasteful exposure of skin. It wasn't a great amount, but I had to admit that I loved the color, feel, and look of Bella's bare shoulders…

My cell phone rang. Distracted from my rather hormonal thoughts, I pulled it out of my pocket and glanced at the caller ID. _Charlie Swan_ flashed on the screen, and I frowned. The Police Chief and I had exchanged phone numbers in the weeks since Bella's 'accident' in Phoenix, and I harbored no illusions that the man liked me. I wondered what possible motivation he had for calling me.

I opened the phone and placed it to my ear. "Hello, Charlie." I knew that he could hear the wariness in my voice, but I wasn't too concerned with hiding it.

Beside me, Bella frowned in confusion. "Charlie?"

"_Um, hello Edward. I, ah, know that you and Bella are already on your way over to the school, but there's something I'm a little confused about. Tyler Crowley is here, says he's taking Bella to prom…?" _There was a hint of worry in his voice, but there was also amusement.

I, for one, was torn between hilarity and a slow, deep fury. It was hilarious that the boy thought he was taking my Bella to the dance, when we had been publicly together for so long. But I was angry for that very same reason. I let none of the anger slip through my voice when I burst out into laughter. "You're kidding!"

"What is it?" Bella demanded.

I didn't answer. I knew she would find out sooner or later, and I guessed that it was sooner. I simply wanted to deal with the menace that was Tyler before I explained myself to Bella. I spoke to Charlie instead. "Why don't you let me talk to him?"

"_Yeah, sure. I knew something weird was going on… Give me a second, I'll go get him." _I heard the phone being set down, and guessed that Charlie had been talking to me from the phone in the kitchen while Tyler waited in the entryway or the main room.

A few seconds later, he was on the phone, saying, _"Hello?"_ hesitantly enough that I was sure he didn't know who Charlie had been talking to.

"Hello, Tyler, this is Edward Cullen." I heard a distinct squeak on the other end of the line, and I found a perverse pleasure in scaring the boy over the phone. "I'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication, but Bella is unavailable tonight. To be perfectly honest, she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself is concerned. No offense. And I'm sorry about your evening." Not sorry at all, but just because I didn't like the boy didn't mean I had to squash every last bit of self-esteem out of him. He would be feeling bad enough about this night for years to come.

I did snap the phone shut with a wide smirk on my face. He couldn't have heard that in my voice, after all.

Then I saw Bella's face, screwed up with rage. Her eyes were filled with angry tears, and I could smell the saltwater in the air.

I had been expecting her anger—which was why I had made sure that this would be a secret from her—but I had not expected such an extreme reaction. I didn't like to see her cry—had I said something wrong? Was that the true reason behind her tears? "Was that last part a bit too much? I didn't mean to offend you."

She didn't reply to that. Instead, she shouted, "You're taking me to _prom_!"

My eyes narrowed slightly. I knew that she would treasure human experiences in the later years of her life, even if she thought that she detested them now. I wanted her to have every opportunity, every memory that I could give her. My jaw tightened as I tried my hardest not to sigh. "Don't be difficult, Bella."

Her eyes darted away from me, to the window. I had been driving the entire time, but only now did she seem to comprehend the route we were taking. "Why are you doing this to me?" she wailed, eyes wide in horror.

I gestured to my outfit—the tuxedo that Alice had excitedly assured me that I absolutely had to have. "Honestly, Bella, what did you think we were doing?" I couldn't think of anything else that two teenagers would be doing, wearing the clothing that we were.

Tears still spilled from her eyes, rolling over her cheeks. She wiped under her eyes with jerky movements.

I hated myself for making those tears spill. But I had honestly thought that she would only be angry—not crying, not sad! How could I have misunderstood her very nature so disastrously? Frustrated with myself, I huffed, "This is completely ridiculous. Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm _mad_!"

I blinked once, and I was back on track with my internal compass—the one that helped me determine Bella's motivations. She was mad: I had been correct. I just hadn't assumed her exact reaction correctly. But now I could do something about her anger…"Bella."

The full focus of my eyes on her face seemed to pull her into one of those states she called 'dazzled'. "What?"

"Humor me."

If I made this about myself instead of about her, perhaps she would be more receptive of the idea. I saw the anger melting away from her face with every second that our eyes stayed connected to one another.

After a long minute, Bella finally sighed. "Fine." Her pout was adorable: I was very nearly distracted. "I'll go quietly. But you'll see. I'm way overdue for more bad luck. I'll probably break my other leg. Look at this shoe! It's a death trap!"

She held her leg out as evidence of her statement. Her gesture completely derailed me. I was left stunned, able only to gaze at her smooth, pale skin—the long, long limb stretched before me, her skirt pulled back to mid-thigh in an unconscious movement designed to showcase the shoe. The shoe itself had ribbons that laced up her calf, lying flat against her smooth skin.

"Hmmm." My inner caveman was pushed aside as I realized that I really should be paying more attention to what I was doing. "Remind me to thank Alice for that tonight."

She picked up on the unconscious subtext of my statement. "Alice if going to be there?"

Well, I couldn't exactly keep it secret from her… "With Jasper, and Emmett…and Rosalie."

I caught the expression that crossed her face, but she distracted herself. "Is Charlie in on this?"

"Of course." I grinned, recalling my pleasure that, despite his lack of real trust in me, he had decided that pushing Bella into having a little fun and some normal high school experiences was a good idea. Plus, Alice had worked on him… "Apparently Tyler wasn't, though," I added, remembering that extremely recent development.

Bella's jaw clenched slightly, but I wasn't sure whether that was because of Tyler or because we had reached the school.

I sighed when, after I had parked and gotten out and walked to her side of the car…she crossed her arms, stubbornly refusing to stand. "When someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion—and then when someone mentions dancing…"

I saw her throat move as she swallowed once, hard.

I'd have to reassure her. "Bella, I won't let anything hurt you—not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise." Her expression told me I was winning. "There, now," I said gently, "it won't be so bad." Leaning down, I wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her from the car.

All the way up to the school—into it, even—I was her main support. My arm remained snug around her waist, and I continuously made sure that I wasn't gripping her too tightly.

After we had stepped into the school, she commented, "This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen."

"Well," I replied lightly, making sure that I wasn't heard, "there are _more_ than enough vampires present." I could see my brothers and sisters spinning gracefully around the dance floor, the moves from another era.

"Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?"

Alice snickered outright while Jasper satisfied himself with a smile. Rosalie steadfastly ignored the comment, and Emmett struggled not to laugh for his wife's sake. For my part, I scowled at her words, even though I allowed myself to joke with her as well. "And where do you fit into that scheme?"

"Oh, I'm with the vampires, of course."

I had to smile at that, unable to help myself. "Anything to get out of dancing."

"Anything." It sounded like she truly meant it, as well.

I paid for our tickets with absentminded movements, before I dragged her into the room. "I've got all night," I warned her as she dug in her heels—well, _heel_.

It took a little more time than I thought it would, but I eventually managed to drag her toward the dance floor, near the rest of my family. She only managed to whisper, her nerves causing her heartbeat to pound. "Edward. I _honestly_ can't dance!"

"Don't worry, silly. I _can_," I reassured her. With a gentle but firm grip, I slipped her arms up around my neck and secured my hands on her waist. I easily lifted her off of her feet, placing them on top of mine. And then I began to dance.

I watched her face as she slowly began to relax, allowing me to lead her steps around the dance floor. "I feel like I'm five years old," she exclaimed.

I loved her laugh. I loved that faint pink that shone underneath her skin. And with her body pulled lengthwise against mine… "You don't look five," I murmured. It was a struggle to control myself, but I was more than sure that I could. With all the human scents in the room and all the minds, my focus was fully distracted from the entirety of her luscious, appealing scent. Plus, with my family close by, I felt relatively sure of myself and of Bella's safety.

Alice was thinking about how Bella would someday be her sister when they caught eyes over my shoulder, and I tuned my sister out. I wouldn't instigate a fight now, not when Bella was enjoying herself.

…_can't believe Dad is making me do this…_

The 'voice' was familiar. I knew exactly who it was when I heard him, and suddenly, I felt protective. Angry. Annoyed. Guilty.

_Is Newton coming this way?_ Jasper asked me, surprised at my emotions. Was that it, then? Jealousy, the way I felt toward Newton? No, this was merely a boy, merely—

I barely heard Bella. "Okay, this isn't half bad." Then she seemed to catch sight of my face—of my gaze, locked on the doors. "What is it?" She turned around.

When Black's eyes met hers, I caught a few glimpses of younger Bella—child Bella, a little girl—and the comparison between her then and now. I didn't like the way his thoughts changed. A snarl rumbled in my chest, just barely audible.

"Be_have_!" Bella hissed at me.

I didn't like it, but I knew that I should do what she wanted. "He wants to chat with you." I made no secret of my disapproval of his purpose here.

"Hey, Bella, I was hoping you would be here." _No, why did you have to be here? Why does Dad have to get involved with this? I mean, I don't like that you have a boyfriend, either, but seriously!_ It was of small importance that he did not entirely approve of his father's message. I had already heard it through his quiet thoughts as he worked up the courage to continue making his way over.

"Hi, Jacob. What's up?" She smiled back, her friendly tone of voice soothing my irrational jealousy.

"Can I cut in?" Well, the Black boy had more guts than I thought he did. Considering his nervousness—evident in his glances at me, as well as his thoughts—I had to admit that he had a lot of courage.

I made sure that my face was completely composed as I set Bella back on her own feet. My eyes locked on her face intently as Jacob politely added, "Thanks." _Seems like an okay guy. He probably knows what my Dad thinks. That would be reason enough for being Mr. Grumpy. _

Memorizing her expression as she began to dance with her friend, I made use of myself by drifting to the side of the dance floor and masking my face in a peaceful, passive expression. And ignored the rumor mill that began churning on the dance floor around me.

Emmett caught my eye, asking me directly the question that drifted in Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice's heads. In a tone too high for human voices, he said, "What are you doing?" _That's your girl. What is she doing with that kid?_

I replied in kind. "The kid is the younger Black descendent. His father wanted him to warn Bella." The idea was giving me a sense of foreboding.

Alice scowled for a moment. "The older Black knows?" _I thought that most of these humans didn't put much stock in old legends these days. Even the Quileute tribe. _

"Apparently he does. The child doesn't believe him, but—" A grin broke out on my face for a second before I controlled my expression again. "His father paid him to come." I scowled slightly as the boy called her merely 'pretty'. Pretty…that was for all the other silly human girls in this building. Bella was so much more than _pretty_…

_Money. The greatest motivator in mankind,_ Jasper waxed on philosophically, recapturing my attention.

"Indeed." I took a shallow breath as the song ended, and Bella dropped her hands. I approached from the side—as non-confrontational as I was capable of—just as the boy offered to either continue dancing or help her reach a seat.

"That's all right, Jacob. I'll take it from here." He jumped at the sound of my voice, startled out of his small universe as I thrust him into the real world.

"Hey, I didn't see you." His voice was submissive; the voice of prey that understood the predator was letting it escape. "I guess I'll see you around, Bella." He waved half-heartedly as he stepped back.

Ever my Bella, she smiled brightly. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

I wrapped my arms around her again as the next song started, ignoring the more upbeat tempo and continuing at a more traditional pace. She leaned her head against my chest, teasing, "Feeling better?"

The jealousy hadn't quite faded—I could hear Jacob Black still, walking toward the doors. "Not really."

"Don't be mad at Billy. He just worries about me for Charlie's sake. It's nothing personal." I already knew that—and truthfully, appreciated the gesture to a point, considering it helped me keep my head and keep my thirst in line.

"I'm not mad at Billy," I told her truthfully. "But his son is irritating me."

She pulled back, staring up at me in confusion. "Why?"

"First of all, he made me break my promise." She was still confused, so I clarified, "I promised I wouldn't let go of you tonight."

"Oh. Well, I forgive you," she said. That was my Bella, all right: I was teasing more than being serious, but I had also meant it when I said that my promise had been broken. I didn't like to break my word, no matter how insignificant it was in the grand scheme of things.

"Thanks. But there's something else." I frowned as I thought about it. It was regretful, but the boy had a crush on Bella—on _my_ Bella. I knew I was not going to give her up, and I couldn't help but think that perhaps it was a bit of a shame that he would be denied. "He called you _pretty_," I finally added, my frown deepening. "That's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful."

She laughed, a pleased blush spreading across her cheeks. "You might be a little biased."

"I don't think that's it. Besides, I have excellent eyesight." That was an understatement, but who cared?

We danced for a few short moments, before she asked, "So are you going to explain the reason for all of this?"

I blinked at her for a second, as she gazed meaningfully around us. The prom? Was that her question? Well, what other reason would I have? And for that matter, what had she thought we were up to? It hadn't escaped her notice that we were dressed up—what had her expectation been?

Was there a deeper reasoning behind her frustrated tears in the car? Disappointment, maybe?

I had to know, but having this discussion here was not an option. Bad enough Alice would see what happened, but for everyone to witness a private—and possibly jumping to secret topics—discussion was not on my list of things to do this evening.

Thinking quickly, I spun in the opposite direction, dancing with her all the way out of the gym into the cool, fading sunset. Once alone, I easily slung her into my arms and carried her to a bench that rested beneath the trees.

My jaw was gritted tightly as I tried to figure out what she was thinking—or had been thinking, or had expected… And I knew what I was doing. What my purpose was. And why I felt that I had to do this…

She interrupted my thoughts. "The point?"

I couldn't look at her. My eyes locked instead upon the moon, just visible through the sheer cloud cover. "Twilight, again," I mused. "Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end." My metaphor for life was difficult to say, but I was buying a little bit of time before I had to answer her. And in a way, it was my answer: that this dance was for her, for her human life and memories.

"Some things don't have to end."

I sighed. It seemed that she wanted me to answer her plainly, considering she offered up nothing else. "I brought you to the prom because I don't want you to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be _human_. I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have."

She shivered, and then shook her head. "In what strange parallel dimension would I _ever_ have gone to prom of my own free will? If you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, I would never have let you get away with this."

My mouth twitched up at her words, but the thought of not being here to see it made my heart hurt. "It wasn't so bad, you said so yourself."

"That's because I was with you."

This was her attitude towards life now. I should never have gotten involved with her, for this type of comment showed all too clearly how dangerous a relationship we had together. There was a bond between us that was incredibly strong. I couldn't even imagine the rest of my existence without her.

Thinking of that made me form a hypothesis, one that I felt an aching need to figure out the truth or falsity of... "Will you tell me something?"

"Don't I always?" she smiled gently.

"Just promise you'll tell me," I grinned."

Reluctantly, she agreed to answer. "Fine."

"You seemed honestly surprised when you figured out that I was taking you here," I began.

She interrupted. "I_ was_."

"Exactly." I wasn't going to be deterred. "But you must have had some other theory…I'm curious—what did you _think_ I was dressing you up for?"

Her face closed off, interestingly enough. Her lips pursed together, a hint of guilt flashing in her eyes. "I don't want to tell you."

Why? "You promised."

"I know."

"What's the problem?" I didn't understand why she was hesitating. Surely she knew that she didn't have to be embarrassed by anything that she wanted to tell me?

"I think it will make you mad—or sad," she explained, seeming to pick up on my assumption of her motivation.

Now I was confused. I couldn't think of anything she could say that would make me mad or sad… "I still want to know. Please?"

She sighed, but her words began to come out. "Well…I assumed it was some kind of…occasion. But I didn't think it would be some trite human thing…prom!"

One word stuck out at me the most. "Human?"

She looked down, fidgeting, but I waited in silence. My theory was slowly gaining ground, but I didn't even want to think the words fully yet. Finally, finally, she confessed in a rush. "Okay, so I was hoping that you might have changed your mind…that you were going to change _me_, after all."

The words made me feel like my heart was being burned. There was the selfish part of me that was excited at the thought of Bella being with me forever—she would never leave me, we would always be together… But the price for that happiness was far too high. Her very soul was on the line in this…

Still, she didn't understand what it meant for her to ask that of me. She didn't understand—no, she didn't, I realized with a start. Her heartbeat was strong and loud, her eyes betraying a deep-set nervousness. She asked for this, she claimed that was what she had expected, and yet she was practically vibrating with an attitude of invulnerability. She didn't comprehend the pain or the mechanics of it, or that we were in a more or less public place.

She was not ready. Even if I had been considering it—even if I wouldn't have destroyed her very soul in the process—I would never have done so now, considering that very plain fact.

Faced with her words and expectations, I found myself struggling for a response. I fell back on humor, trying uselessly to distract her. "You thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?"

She scowled, taking me seriously. "I don't know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does." Yes, of course it did: that was clear enough, considering what she had thought we were doing. "It's not funny."

"No, you're right, it's not." I had to drop my grin, feeling as if my throat were closing up. How odd a feeling that was… "I'd rather treat it like a joke, though, that believe you're serious."

"But I am serious." And that was what made this situation decidedly not amusing.

"I know. And you're really that willing?" She bit her lip and nodded, and I tried desperately to hide the grief that I felt. "So ready for this to be the end," I sighed, "for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."

"It's not the end, it's the beginning." Her voice was low, whispered under her breath.

I held her closer, reminding her of a plain fact that she seemed to relish in ignoring. "I'm not worth it." For her to give up her very soul for me, a monster, was the very darkest of sin.

"Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself clearly?" she asked, her eyebrows rising pointedly. "You obviously have the same blindness."

I shook my head, seeing the flaw in her reasoning. "I know what I am." A vampire that has killed—who has considered killing the love of his life only because he was thirsty—is on a whole other level than a human girl who doesn't see her own potential clearly. She sighed, and I knew she didn't want to hear me. I knew what she thought she wanted.

And I realized that I had to do something now—something to deter her wishes, to make her realize that she was not ready for what that lifestyle would bring to her. What it would mean to her. I scanned her face closely, watching her expression. "You're ready now, then?"

"Um, yes?" She swallowed hard. I saw her pulse pounding in her throat, and heard her swallow. I saw the apprehension in her eyes.

I smiled to myself, not surprised at the effect I had on her—but awed all the same. That she reacted like prey to me, and yet she sat here and loved me. Loved _me_… I leaned slowly forward, letting my lips brush under the corner of her jaw. "Right now?" I whispered, breathing out on her neck intentionally.

"Yes." Her voice was so low that it wouldn't break and thus betray her fear.

But I could smell it in the air, could taste the anxiety that rolled off her body in waves, in time to the pulse that pounded below my lips…

I chuckled, the dark sound breaking our silence. I had hoped that she would admit that she wasn't ready—but when did Bella ever do what I desired? Or even what I expected? "You can't really believe that I would give in so easily?"

"A girl can dream." She said it so casually, with such nonchalance that I was stunned. She truly hadn't grasped the point of my 'teasing'…

There was truth in her words, though. She meant what she said. "Is that what you dream about? Being a monster?"

"Not exactly," she replied, frowning. I had a feeling it had something to do with 'monster'. "Mostly I dream about being with you forever."

I was touched at that. I had accepted that she loved me—as much as any human could love someone else—and I knew that she meant the words with all her heart. But I also knew that sacrificing her humanity for the sake of that love was a foolish choice for her to try and make. "Bella. I _will_ stay with you—isn't that enough?"

She smiled as I traced the outline of her lips. "Enough for now."

I frowned, but neither of us would be giving up on this discussion. She was too stubborn: I knew better than to give in. But the thought that we might waste precious minutes arguing over something that neither of us could change made me feel heartsick.

Her hand brushed my face, as she understood the cause of my preoccupation. "Look. I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?" The meaning was clear—this was not the argument that we would repeat for a long time to come. Instead, it was a peace offering, a declaration. Do you love me like I love you?

"Yes, it is enough," I reassured her with a smile. "Enough for forever."

And I leaned down to press my lips to her throat once more.

* * *

**A/N--The End.**

**Now continue on to the author's note...**


	42. Awards Nomination! June 2010

_**The Last Author's Note**_

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_Awards Site Nomination (added June 2010!)_

**All the Songs**

**Cover Art (added June 2009!)**

**Translation (added January 2010!)**

**My Last Note**

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**__****_Awards Site Nomination_**

_Someone has nominated this story for "The Shiny Apple Award" at bringmetolifeawards! Wow, guys-I can't begin to tell you how cool that is, to be nominated. _

_I'd like you all to do a favor for me, though. Please go vote at the awards site. I'd love to win. :)_

www(dot)bringmetolifeawards(dot)weebly(dot)com

_Remove the (dot)s, of course... Thanks, and hopefully I'll be updating again with another message about the awards soon!_

**_

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_**

**_All the Songs_**

_These are all songs that were involved in the creative process of writing "Sunrise". Some of them were mentioned in the chapters, while others were put on repeat and played while I wrote. Some of them were mentioned in the Author's Note, some not mentioned but I remembered listening to them as I wrote. Some do apply to the chapter, but many of them do not relate to the story whatsoever. I hope you enjoy the glimpse into what fuels my mind's creativity. _

Miranda by Fleetwood Mac

Ray of Light by Madonna

Clocks by Coldplay

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me by Fall Out Boy

Real Gone by Sheryl Crow

Sweet Rosalyn by Sheryl Crow

Especially in Michigan by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Hard to Concentrate by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Death Said by The Summer Obsession

Confessions on a Dance Floor (CD) by Madonna

Porcelain by Moby

Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall

Say It Right by Nelly Furtado

Hybrid Theory (CD) by Linkin Park

So What? By P!NK

You're A God by Vertical Horizon

For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield

_And, of course, the "Twilight" movie soundtrack, as well as Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" (book) soundtrack._

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_**Cover Art**_

_I recently recieved a message from a fan of 'Sunrise', who designed a cover for the story. Thanks to MyOwnCrystalHeart for sending me this link to the cover via PM. Please check it out-I absolutely love it, and I hope that you like it, too! :D Of course, please remove all spaces between characters and replace (DOT) with actual periods. _

http:/ /img32 (DOT) imageshack (DOT) us /img32 /5376/ sunriseblue (DOT) png

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_**Translation**_

_A lovely fan named Nataly expressed interest in translating "Sunrise" into Russian. She's already started working on it, and I wanted to let you all know because I'm just so excited about this. I'm so amazed that "Sunrise" is so loved! The link, when you remove the spaces and replace (dot) with a period, is:_

http: / twilightrus (dot) ru / forum / 55-3327-1

_This is extremely exciting for me. The fan response to "Surnise" has always amazed me, but for someone to dedicate the time and effort to translating this entire story into another language...That is so much work! Wow, Nataly! :)_

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_**My Last Note**_

April 8, 2009

Y_ou know, I find it incredibly ironic that the last chapter of this monster of a fic is the shortest update I have ever given all of you. _

_I really don't know what I can say to all of you. Darn, I'm just not good at this ending-thing. I want to pour my heart and soul out to you—but then again, I already have, haven't I?_

_By writing this story, I've put so much of myself out there. All of you have read it. It's not just in my author's notes, but also in the chapters and the very words of the story. I put so much into this work, and it exhilarates me to no end when I get those reviews that tell me that my work has been enjoyed. _

_Just as much as those glowing reviews, the ones that tell me what the reader thinks I have done incorrectly or not quite right are the very air I breathe. The fact that someone is willing to take the time to let me know that I can do better—that I am capable of doing better—makes me happy. It makes me feel cared for. _

_I care for all of you, my reviewers and readers, and it is nice to know that you all care for me. If only so you can get your next fix of my writing (joking, joking)… _

_I've struggled to write this, to get this all out there to you. This entire story was a journey for me. I can see the difference in the quality of my own writing, and I must tell you, it's rather exciting. _

_I'm sorry that I will not be continuing to write out Edward's side of the remaining three books in the series. However, I know that I could never put forth as much effort for the remaining books as I did for this one. I could never do justice to them, despite any plans I made before and anything I did say previously. Who knows—perhaps someday I will return to Edward's mind and take a crack at interpreting his thoughts on through "New Moon", "Eclipse" and "Breaking Dawn". _

_But for right now, I am laying down that pen and locking it away. I've had a good romp in Edward's head, and truth be told, I need to step out of it. After so long being stuck here, I feel that I can pursue other creative ideas. My obligation—a pleasurable duty, I assure you—to "Sunrise" has been fulfilled. _

_This story was started on September 30, 2006. That makes it approximately two years, four months and eight days old. I can't really relate to you in words how exciting that is, to know that I've stuck with this story through two-plus years, and that you all loved to read it (as I am assuming, since you're reading my long author's note now, and there's no more actual story left…)_

_You've read my baby, my "Sunrise", despite my obvious flaws in writing and my obvious youth, as well—after all, I started this story as a freshman in high school. I'm now a junior. Summer is seven and a half weeks away for me. And still I have this story, this one tale that I've been working on for almost as long as I've been on the site. To me, that's absolutely mind-boggling._

_It feels like just yesterday, I wrote the first chapter of "Sunrise" and posted it—not knowing who was going to read it, or if anyone even would read it. Not knowing how much popularity it would gain among all of you, not knowing that out of all the possible interpretations out there, mine would strike so many as spot-on, or at least acceptable. _

_For whatever reason, you decided that my writing and my tale was worth it, and so I am humbled and proud to conclude this tale…hoping that it has met most of your expectations, sated your thirst for Edward's character, and will help keep your love of Twilight—a love we share—from dying. _

_Thank you, my dear readers, for everything—reading, reviewing, and loving the story. _

BlueSea14


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